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‘Entitled’ Mom Asks If Her Child Can Pet Service Dogs, Can’t Take “No” For An Answer
People get into petty arguments with strangers all the time. They are usually brief and quickly forgotten about, and everyone just gets on with their lives. However these days, with pretty much everyone wielding easy access to a camera phone, these minor altercations can suddenly take on a life of their own.
This argument at a mall in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania is a classic example of this. Misplaced anger and petty vindictiveness over a refused request to pet a service dog escalated a simple misunderstanding into a viral video, that has thousands of people weighing in with their own opinions on the matter.
The video was originally shared to Facebook by service dog handler Megan Stoff and has been viewed over 2 million times, with people shocked by the aggression of the entitled mother. It is (or at least should be) a well-known fact that service dogs are there to assist people with special circumstances or requirements, and shouldn’t be interfered with while working. Sure, a polite request can be made, but no means no, and this mom didn’t seem to understand that.
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Had this crazy experience yesterday at the mall where some lady asked if she could pet the dogs. People ask us all the time so I just said, “no.” All the dogs are working so it’s my go to answer. And they walked away. No big deal right? This lady went out of her way to come back with her child and yell at us for saying “no” and for not saying, “nO iM sOrRy ThEy’Re TrAiNiNg.” And we should “have a sign or something.” You mean the 20 patches on my dog that say don’t pet? 🙃 Entitlement these days is real. They even got mall security because we said they couldn’t pet the working dogs. 🙃😂 Security said that the lady was crying 😂 So much harassment for just saying no. This video is public and is shareable. There was no common sense here.
Posted by ML Leigh on Thursday, December 20, 2018
The group was on a meet-up at the mall, getting to know each other as fellow service dog training professionals. One of the group, Ciarán Williamson, couldn’t understand why being told ‘no’ upset the mom quite as it did, and after being confronted by the mall security that she called on them, decided that enough was enough and went home. Ciarán gave his perspective on being a service dog handler to Bored Panda. “I don’t necessarily mind being asked to pet my dog, though usually, I have to tell people no,” he told us. “I don’t really get upset by having to do this unless it’s a particularly stressful dog training day or environment and I’m having trouble doing what I’ve set out to do in the first place.”
Image credits: ML Leigh
“I’d rather people ask than just lean in and try to grab her, which happens every day… but I don’t always have the energy to explain what she’s doing or why she can’t be petted. I’m autistic and sometimes just can’t speak very efficiently at all so I can’t explain even if I wanted to. I might shake my head no, or indicate in some other short way not to pet her or talk to her, and I just want to have that respected. People also often take pictures of us without asking, and that makes me really super uncomfortable, I don’t want people to do that at all.”
“I guess I just don’t want people to assume I can divert my attention to interact with them how they want me to, and that if someone has a service dog in the first place, it means they’re disabled and probably having a hard time already. Using judgment about whether it’s appropriate to ask to pet helps (does the dog already have a vest on that says not to pet? Is it really loud and busy and chaotic of an atmosphere? Does the service dog handler look uncomfortable or distracted?). I have let people pet her, but in particular situations where I can focus on making sure I keep her attention, and I know I won’t need her to work for me at that moment.”
Image Credits: Ciarán Williamson
“Unfortunately I feel like people don’t consider me at all when they ask to interact with my companion pet the majority of the time. Usually, rude people just lean in and talk to her or try to pet her without even acknowledging me… They also often just assume I’m rude instead of something out of my control (like I can’t hear them, which happens a lot in overstimulating environments). I am concerned about people feeling the entitlement to do these things because it’s widespread.”
“My dog Clover is doing very well in training though, she has a Facebook page I started for her recently so people could see her and ask me questions about her and stuff there if they’re curious. I like talking about my service dog, just not necessarily when I’m trying to go grocery shopping! She deals well with strangers approaching, but she is an amiable and outgoing dog that enjoys people so attention from other people can be a big distraction for her and it’s something we have to work on all the time. I don’t think people consider that when they get upset about not being allowed to pet her.”
Here’s what people had to say about the situation:
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What do you think ?
Leekun 6 years ago
I actually agree with the mom. The handler should get a sign. A big wooden one that she can hit people on the head with when they try stuff like this idiot mother did
Carol Emory 6 years ago
For the record..it isn't just service dogs..it's all dogs. Ask before you approach and pet a dog. My sister had this problem. Her german shepherd loved going to the park..but as she got older, her body ached and she was going blind. She became scared of strangers and would avoid them when she could. So imagine my sisters irritation when the kids would ask their parents "Can I pet the dog" and the parents would say "Ok" without even asking my sister. She would stop the child and send them back to their parents. She was called nasty names enough times that she stopped taking the dog to the one place her senior pup loved to go. I hate people that disrespect boundaries.
Belle_Pandamonium 6 years ago
God I hate people sometimes! This made me sad..
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Mentha Hoekstra 6 years ago
My son (almost 3) looooves dogs and always wants to pet each one he sees. I always ask and if the answer is no, I tell him 'the doggy doesn't want to be petted and that's okay' and we move on. When we encouter a service dog however, I ALWAYS tell him 'we can't pet that doggy because it's busy working'. I really don't get why that is so hard for people to understand. Service dogs are not pets in the 'usual' sense, they have a very important job to do and it's just not okay to distract them. Unless the owner says it's okay of course ;-)
Carol Emory 6 years ago (edited)
I agree with you. I was in a college class with a girl that was in a wheelchair. I shared the handicapped desk with her and would take notes for her. Her service dog would sit in between us. I was the only one allowed to pet the dog but only after class was over. Other students would pet the dog any dam time they wanted without asking the owner. Over the course of the class, you could see this girl was starting to lose control of the dog as it became more excitable when students came into class. I mentioned this to the professor who made an announcement to the class what was happening with the dog. He ended his announcement "And if I catch or hear of anyone petting that dog again, it will be an automatic failing grade for the class and you will be asked to leave." That made everyone keep their hands to themselves.
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Wil Vanderheijden 6 years ago
When people live in another world you can't actually reason with them. That dumb cow doesn't know the law, doesn't know how to carry her child in a safe way and she even doesn't know how to put her in a stroller. And this snowflake is telling other people what they should and shouldn't do. This is just another case of living while entitled.
Nikki Gregerson 6 years ago
Here's the thing. People should never pet ANY strange dog without asking. And if the owner says no there is probably a very good reason!
MonsterMash 6 years ago
Oh geez, I thought this stuff just happened to me. I have a service dog who helps me function with CPTSD, but when I go out with her I get treated so badly. People come up and try to pet her, try to call to her and distract her, act like I’m not there and engage with her. I have people ask me why I’m disabled, I’ve had people try to hit her with her shopping carts. It’s like full-on harassment. I have a hard enough time leaving the house most days with the condition I live with without my service angel dog, but I hate taking her with me a lot too because people are such full on a*s-hats. My spouse says its because people don’t understand what a service dog is, but I don’t want to be an ambassador for service dogs and their owners. I’m disabled and I’m just trying to live a normal enough life that I can take care of myself and family. Why are people so rude and inconsiderate?
Belle_Pandamonium 6 years ago
I am sorry. People just don't get it.. like you say: just trying to live- makes me sad people are such ignorants.
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Chris Mugea 6 years ago
It pisses me off so bad when people say "Oh it's illegal to film me without my consent"... If f*****g is! As long as it's in a public place and not somewhere where you could benefit from privacy (changing room, toilet, your property) it bloody is legal! Bloody Americans blabbing about their rights and amendments when they don't know s**t
diane a 6 years ago (edited)
She cant say - "dont look at me - it's illegal" or "don't tell anyone what you are seeing - it's illegal"., "you cant show anyone my dreadful behaviour". If you are an adult intentionally acting like a pillock in a public place to get attention then you are fair game. However your child isnt and the child didnt look that bothered - just wondering why it was being carried round like a sack of spuds. This was all about "you" lady.
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Random Panda 6 years ago (edited)
It shouldn't even matter that it's a service dog. If I don't want some stranger to pet my dog damn right I'm just going to say "no". My pet is not public property and I don't owe an explanation. How entitled can a person be? I'm really blown away that so many people consider it completely normal to just go up to another person's dog and pet/play with it. If the dog is running around without a leash it's somewhat acceptable. But in my country people usually engage the owner before asking to pet the dog, especially if its on a leash.
Carol Emory 6 years ago
It's the equivalent of perfect stranger coming up to me and saying.."Can I touch your boobs?" When the answer is "no" you need to live with it and move on.
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Viviane Katz 6 years ago (edited)
Thanks for the article. Her daughter didn't seem traumatized. How hard is it to notice a service jacket? Is the mother illiterate? It's not rocket science to tell a little kid "The dog is working. You can't pet the dog." Sadly, some people take "no" way too personally. My sister trained her children to ask before petting a dog. I don't touch working dogs and ask "Is it friendly?" for pets I don't know.
Denise Melek 6 years ago
Her daughter will be traumatized by her cyco mommy soon enough. Poor child.
Load More Replies... diane a 6 years ago (edited)
Children should be taught that they are not entitled to pet any dog they see regardless. I got into a horrible situation wiht my dogs when an unattended 2/3 year old child demanded to pet them and wouldnt take "NO" for an answer. My dogs were happy friendly loving and excitable. On a walk one evening close to home, this toddler in the street shouted "Doggees, want to see doggees" she was tiny and was intent on petting my dogs. Must have told her so many times to not come any closer as she weighed less than either of my harmlss loving bouncy dogs. She wouldnt listen - only 2/3 yrs old. Dogs were getting excited at a prospective playmate their size. I honestly ended up sat on the ground (centre of gravity" to avoid getting pulled over as they wanted to meet "her". Long and short of it was this toddler ran up the street screaming "doggy hurt me, doggyhurt me" due to a very small scratch on her arm from the claw a very friendly dog. I was furious that parents could let an unattended child roam free - and scared my dogs were going to be in trouble for being too friendly - 2 female boxers. I took the dogs home - went right back to this street (to be fair it was a street that didnt have traffic so the kid wasnt going to get hit by a car and I think the toddler was supposed to be in the charge of her siblings in the road at the time - obviously not.). I was soo angry - I knocked on 2 or 3 doors til I found the right one and said to the mother - "please teach your child not to approach dogs without asking and if the owner says No - respect it. This was at a time when there was alot of stuff in the news about dangerous dogs etc. I really was petrefied I would be accused of having dogs dangerously out of control - but it was an out of control unsupervised child that was the problem. she could have got knocked to the ground in their eagerness to play - and actually been injured. Who's fault would it have been? both my dogs were on leads and restrained- the child wasnt.
anotherboredpanda 6 years ago
Something similar happened to me, when I was about the same age. I saw two dogs, about the same height as boxers playing with each other on the sidewalk. So I went to them because I wanted to cuddle them. One dog put his paws on my shoulders and knocked me over, so I fell on my back. That incident traumatized me back then and made me afraid of dogs for a very long time. Always having this incident in mind is why I tell parents of little children, that they can't pet my dog. He is a very shy dog and usually starts barking if he gets the attention of a stranger. A little child can easily misinterpret his behavior. So in a way I'm trying to avoid possible traumas because they shouldn't miss out on having a wonderful relationship with a dog in the future.
Load More Replies... Leekun 6 years ago
I actually agree with the mom. The handler should get a sign. A big wooden one that she can hit people on the head with when they try stuff like this idiot mother did
Carol Emory 6 years ago
For the record..it isn't just service dogs..it's all dogs. Ask before you approach and pet a dog. My sister had this problem. Her german shepherd loved going to the park..but as she got older, her body ached and she was going blind. She became scared of strangers and would avoid them when she could. So imagine my sisters irritation when the kids would ask their parents "Can I pet the dog" and the parents would say "Ok" without even asking my sister. She would stop the child and send them back to their parents. She was called nasty names enough times that she stopped taking the dog to the one place her senior pup loved to go. I hate people that disrespect boundaries.
Belle_Pandamonium 6 years ago
God I hate people sometimes! This made me sad..
Load More Replies... Mentha Hoekstra 6 years ago
My son (almost 3) looooves dogs and always wants to pet each one he sees. I always ask and if the answer is no, I tell him 'the doggy doesn't want to be petted and that's okay' and we move on. When we encouter a service dog however, I ALWAYS tell him 'we can't pet that doggy because it's busy working'. I really don't get why that is so hard for people to understand. Service dogs are not pets in the 'usual' sense, they have a very important job to do and it's just not okay to distract them. Unless the owner says it's okay of course ;-)
Carol Emory 6 years ago (edited)
I agree with you. I was in a college class with a girl that was in a wheelchair. I shared the handicapped desk with her and would take notes for her. Her service dog would sit in between us. I was the only one allowed to pet the dog but only after class was over. Other students would pet the dog any dam time they wanted without asking the owner. Over the course of the class, you could see this girl was starting to lose control of the dog as it became more excitable when students came into class. I mentioned this to the professor who made an announcement to the class what was happening with the dog. He ended his announcement "And if I catch or hear of anyone petting that dog again, it will be an automatic failing grade for the class and you will be asked to leave." That made everyone keep their hands to themselves.
Load More Replies... Wil Vanderheijden 6 years ago
When people live in another world you can't actually reason with them. That dumb cow doesn't know the law, doesn't know how to carry her child in a safe way and she even doesn't know how to put her in a stroller. And this snowflake is telling other people what they should and shouldn't do. This is just another case of living while entitled.
Nikki Gregerson 6 years ago
Here's the thing. People should never pet ANY strange dog without asking. And if the owner says no there is probably a very good reason!
MonsterMash 6 years ago
Oh geez, I thought this stuff just happened to me. I have a service dog who helps me function with CPTSD, but when I go out with her I get treated so badly. People come up and try to pet her, try to call to her and distract her, act like I’m not there and engage with her. I have people ask me why I’m disabled, I’ve had people try to hit her with her shopping carts. It’s like full-on harassment. I have a hard enough time leaving the house most days with the condition I live with without my service angel dog, but I hate taking her with me a lot too because people are such full on a*s-hats. My spouse says its because people don’t understand what a service dog is, but I don’t want to be an ambassador for service dogs and their owners. I’m disabled and I’m just trying to live a normal enough life that I can take care of myself and family. Why are people so rude and inconsiderate?
Belle_Pandamonium 6 years ago
I am sorry. People just don't get it.. like you say: just trying to live- makes me sad people are such ignorants.
Load More Replies... Chris Mugea 6 years ago
It pisses me off so bad when people say "Oh it's illegal to film me without my consent"... If f*****g is! As long as it's in a public place and not somewhere where you could benefit from privacy (changing room, toilet, your property) it bloody is legal! Bloody Americans blabbing about their rights and amendments when they don't know s**t
diane a 6 years ago (edited)
She cant say - "dont look at me - it's illegal" or "don't tell anyone what you are seeing - it's illegal"., "you cant show anyone my dreadful behaviour". If you are an adult intentionally acting like a pillock in a public place to get attention then you are fair game. However your child isnt and the child didnt look that bothered - just wondering why it was being carried round like a sack of spuds. This was all about "you" lady.
Load More Replies... Random Panda 6 years ago (edited)
It shouldn't even matter that it's a service dog. If I don't want some stranger to pet my dog damn right I'm just going to say "no". My pet is not public property and I don't owe an explanation. How entitled can a person be? I'm really blown away that so many people consider it completely normal to just go up to another person's dog and pet/play with it. If the dog is running around without a leash it's somewhat acceptable. But in my country people usually engage the owner before asking to pet the dog, especially if its on a leash.
Carol Emory 6 years ago
It's the equivalent of perfect stranger coming up to me and saying.."Can I touch your boobs?" When the answer is "no" you need to live with it and move on.
Load More Replies... Viviane Katz 6 years ago (edited)
Thanks for the article. Her daughter didn't seem traumatized. How hard is it to notice a service jacket? Is the mother illiterate? It's not rocket science to tell a little kid "The dog is working. You can't pet the dog." Sadly, some people take "no" way too personally. My sister trained her children to ask before petting a dog. I don't touch working dogs and ask "Is it friendly?" for pets I don't know.
Denise Melek 6 years ago
Her daughter will be traumatized by her cyco mommy soon enough. Poor child.
Load More Replies... diane a 6 years ago (edited)
Children should be taught that they are not entitled to pet any dog they see regardless. I got into a horrible situation wiht my dogs when an unattended 2/3 year old child demanded to pet them and wouldnt take "NO" for an answer. My dogs were happy friendly loving and excitable. On a walk one evening close to home, this toddler in the street shouted "Doggees, want to see doggees" she was tiny and was intent on petting my dogs. Must have told her so many times to not come any closer as she weighed less than either of my harmlss loving bouncy dogs. She wouldnt listen - only 2/3 yrs old. Dogs were getting excited at a prospective playmate their size. I honestly ended up sat on the ground (centre of gravity" to avoid getting pulled over as they wanted to meet "her". Long and short of it was this toddler ran up the street screaming "doggy hurt me, doggyhurt me" due to a very small scratch on her arm from the claw a very friendly dog. I was furious that parents could let an unattended child roam free - and scared my dogs were going to be in trouble for being too friendly - 2 female boxers. I took the dogs home - went right back to this street (to be fair it was a street that didnt have traffic so the kid wasnt going to get hit by a car and I think the toddler was supposed to be in the charge of her siblings in the road at the time - obviously not.). I was soo angry - I knocked on 2 or 3 doors til I found the right one and said to the mother - "please teach your child not to approach dogs without asking and if the owner says No - respect it. This was at a time when there was alot of stuff in the news about dangerous dogs etc. I really was petrefied I would be accused of having dogs dangerously out of control - but it was an out of control unsupervised child that was the problem. she could have got knocked to the ground in their eagerness to play - and actually been injured. Who's fault would it have been? both my dogs were on leads and restrained- the child wasnt.
anotherboredpanda 6 years ago
Something similar happened to me, when I was about the same age. I saw two dogs, about the same height as boxers playing with each other on the sidewalk. So I went to them because I wanted to cuddle them. One dog put his paws on my shoulders and knocked me over, so I fell on my back. That incident traumatized me back then and made me afraid of dogs for a very long time. Always having this incident in mind is why I tell parents of little children, that they can't pet my dog. He is a very shy dog and usually starts barking if he gets the attention of a stranger. A little child can easily misinterpret his behavior. So in a way I'm trying to avoid possible traumas because they shouldn't miss out on having a wonderful relationship with a dog in the future.
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