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Hey Pandas, AITA For Being Irritated When My Brother Asks Me To Get Rid Of My Cat?
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Hey Pandas, AITA For Being Irritated When My Brother Asks Me To Get Rid Of My Cat?

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If you find yourself disagreeing with this person’s actions, we encourage you not to downvote the post. Instead, kindly express your opinions in the comments. We recommend maintaining politeness and articulating your thoughts with well-constructed arguments.

A few weeks ago, I got my first cat. He is a sweet gray tabby, and very loving, although he plays a bit rough sometimes. My brother, let’s just call him Kevin, has ailurophobia (fear of cats) and says that I gave him no warning, despite talking about it for a year and writing a whole contract about the terms of getting him.

Kevin wants to get rid of Uraza, and I don’t

Image credits: Afif Ramdhasuma (not the actual photo)

He is saying that I am making his life a living hell, and chasing him with the cat, despite Uraza staying in my room the entire time he’s here.

I love Uraza and have been trying to accommodate for him

Image credits: Matheus Queiroz (not the actual photo)

However, my dad is starting to see Kevin’s point of view, and I’m worried that in a little while, I’ll have to get rid of him, but I can’t bear to part with Uraza. So, AITA for getting a cat and not wanting to get rid of it when my brother protests?

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acey-ace16 avatar
Ace
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Three simple steps required here. 1. Get your own place, 2. Get your first cat, 3. Get as many other cats as you want.

rennak-lily09 avatar
paulfarrington-douglas avatar
PFD
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

River Wolf, I've been reading your comments and replies. It sounds like you and your brother are both struggling and neither of you are or were in a good emotional state to make mature decisions. I'm sure you've both been feeling battered with pressure from outside, it doesn't sound like you are particularly kind to each other either, and to be talking of running away, you must feel unsupported by your parents too (a real feeling, whether justified or not). You need support from somewhere. But RW, a bunch of judgemental adults on Bored Panda is not really the place to turn, especially with an AITA (which is a format strictly useful for adults who should know better). I can see how the comments are hurting you and the judgmentalism is only worsening the feelings you have already and encouraging you to consider more and more drastic action. Please, please step away and find a better source of advice from someone who knows you or can spend the time getting to know you.

jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your post shows a lack of understanding and empathy for your brother's phobia. He doesn't just 'not like cats'.... he is terrified of them. Phobia's are horrible to live with and can result in anxiety, panic attacks and inability to function. Imagine your brother suddenly decides to keep a hundred venomous spiders and a pair of rattlesnakes and you have to walk through them to get to the bathroom in dark in the middle of night? That's the kind of fear he faces every single day. One day you will move out of home and you can have as many cats as you like. In the meantime, your brothers emotional and mental safety is more important than your desire to have a pet.

rennak-lily09 avatar
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand aluriphobia, and BP edited almost all of my post. I just don’t want to lose Uraza, I already lost all of my friends, my parents trust, I just want to keep my tiny sliver of happiness so I don’t go let myself get eaten by a mountain lion. I would be happy to keep them in my room so he never has to see him, I just can’t bear to get rid of them. I love him so much already, it would be like losing a piece of myself to lose Uraza. I know it’s tearing Kevin apart, but if I have to remove Uraza from his life, I’m removing myself as well.

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laura_ketteridge avatar
arthbach
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Assuming all of these people live in the same house, then it is not acceptable for one person to get a pet that another is allergic to, or has a fear of. If the brother doesn't live in the same house, then it's not his call as to whether his sister can get a cat. It would be very reasonable reasonable accommodation for the cat to be kept in a separate room whilst the brother is visiting.

fluffydreg avatar
FluffyDreg
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He had a year to make that call. He had a year to say something. Instead he agreed to it.

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littlemisslady avatar
Little Miss Lady
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You are behaving selfishly without consideration of how your actions are affecting your brother as well as your cat. Your choice to get a cat when your brother has a phobia of cats and you share a living space is both irresponsible and apathetic towards your brother's anxiety disorder. You may not realize it, but your solution to deal with your brother's anxiety by keeping your cat cooped up in your room is considered animal abuse. Cats are curious, adventurous animals. Locking them in a confined space is like torture for them. Not to mention that your brother has to live in fear everyday in his home, which should be a safe space for everyone living there. If you truly love your brother and your cat, please consider finding your cat a loving home where it doesn't have to be confined and your brother can feel like his home is a safe environment. You can get a cat when you have your own place.

rockersalad avatar
Manda Hart
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It wasn't just RW's decision because everyone signed a contract giving consent. I agree that it's stressful, especially for the cat. But the source of the stress is RW's brother whom after signing the contract, is now raising a lot of contention whenever he is there and not at his mother's house. Kindly in response: I do agree that the brother's view is an issue, but that seems to be the result of agreeing to something he wished he hadn't.

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juliestevens avatar
Giraffy Window
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Contract or no, this arrangement is unfair to both your brother AND your cat. Animals pick up on stress very easily, and if they are forced to live in a constantly stressful environment it can begin to lead to health issues. On top of THAT stress, it sounds like you're expected to keep your cat closed away? Cats need more space than that to roam and play. Being shut in one place all the time is yet another stress factor. It will never matter how much you love Uraza if you aren't able to provide a safe and secure environment for him. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++ It might be in everyone's best interest if you seek a foster situation for Uraza for the two years until you can find your own place. Find someone you trust who will let you visit often; provide the food and supplies required through that time period to keep the connection and make ownership clear.

rennak-lily09 avatar
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Uraza gets plenty of time with free range of the house, whenever Kevin is at moms or at school, I will never trust a person I barely know to take care of my best friend.

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sharleedryburg avatar
TheBlueBitterfly
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your parents are entirely to blame for this. Why did they willingly get an animal if one member of the house has a strong phobia of said animal? Does he ACTUALLY have a true phobia, or is he doing this for attention? (How old is your brother? Younger/older? Other siblings in the house?) Just staying in one room is no life for a cat. It can't even zoom to burn off energy. It will get bored, and boredom turns to destruction. Whether the cat stays or goes, it will not be up to you, but your parents. Sorry. It was not the ideal situation to bring a cat into.

rennak-lily09 avatar
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s only up to my dad, we thought Kevin’s phobia wasn’t that bad, he didn’t argue despite months warning. Younger sibling, I don’t know if he’s faking it, the situation was really good before we got the cat, he can run around while we’re at school and mom’s house (divorced)

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kara-c-joseph avatar
PixieVonBehr
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I heckin love cats. I have two of my own and I foster so my house is constantly overrun with cats in the loveliest way, but I'm sorry to say YTA. There's not really any excuse for getting a cat whilst knowing your brother has a phobia. It's not fair on him or the cat. Respectfully, you sound immature and have acted selfishly. I hope the comments here help you understand that and you can avoid this type of situation in future by considering the repercussions of your actions.

mullicaninc avatar
Ross “Sarcastic Dad”
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

River Wolf, not sure if you're still checking this, but I'm on your side. It sounds like there is a lot more to this story, and based on what I can infer, I'm thinking you're trying not to put your brother on blast. I think you tried your best to make sure this went smoothly and he moved the goalposts once the cat was in the house. There is no way you just grabbed a cat off the street and started a s**t storm. NTA.

rennak-lily09 avatar
angelique-ville avatar
BoredPangolin
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You put yourself in a terrible situation by adopting a pet when you didn't have your own place, nor the agreement of your family to adopt one. You just can't do this, and even less when you know the pet you wish is causing fear in another family member. The house you live in is supposed to be HIS safe, comfortable place too, and it's insensitive to think that either he should deal with it anyway or that a cat can be happy in only one room (!). I'm sorry you put yourself in such situation, but it's your own mistake (and lack of consideration for others) and you have to fix it yourself. Bring back the poor kitty, then possibly negociate with your family for an appropriate pet whom would suit the whole family, or could live happily in just your room. Also, it's not fair to put it on your brother. HE didnt chose his phobia, but YOU chose to trigger them by bringing the subject of his fear in his home. You sound depressed and I think you should ask your parents about seeing a therapist.

fluffydreg avatar
norik99 avatar
Lily Anne
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Therapy. That’s what you both needed first, and shame on your parents for not taking you to therapy. Fear is not an allergy, it is treatable with proper therapy, and you obviously have deeper problems, if the kitty is the only good thing in your life. See a therapist and get help, both of you.

rennak-lily09 avatar
michaelwalbeck avatar
rennak-lily09 avatar
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I make sure the cat stays away from him and doesn’t mess with him or his stuff, I help him get an Axolotl, help with care and paying for the Axolotl, he allows me to have a cat.

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daqadoodles_1 avatar
Debbie
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry, I did downvote this post because it is made by a minor and they'll might be getting harsh judgements on here. Not sure about the policies. Minors should be allowed to voice their opinions and ask questions. Just some things can be more harmful than helpful. Moderators, what is your policy on this?

fluffydreg avatar
FluffyDreg
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait so... everyone agreed to it first? You are NOT an AH if you discussed something you wanted, created terms that everyone reviewed and agreed with, and carried on with that plan. I feel like everyone here is ignoring that your brother, according to your story AGREED TO IT.

jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The post doesn't say the brother agreed at all. The post says she talked about and she drafted a 'contract'. It doesn't sound like Kevin agreed, signed the 'contract' or even participated in these conversations?

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palomavita avatar
Paloma Vita
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA. You may love the cat but it feels like it is in a childish, selfish way. A cat should not be confined to one room because the people you live with are either not into the cat (parents) or terrified of it (brother). Your brother has a phobia and it's not something he can control, so I am not sure why he agreed to the contract. It seems he does not understand either that a cat is not a doll or some inanimate object you can just keep "away from him" and locked in your room. You should either rehome the cat or move out.

deerylou avatar
rennak-lily09 avatar
cufyelilmo avatar
pasej41913@bustayes.com
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is very sad for everyone involved, not the least of which is poor Uraza who's absolutely powerless in this and is the true victim 😿

jb_16 avatar
JB
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

INFO. Do you live with your parents and brother? If so, did you discuss the timing of introducing Uraza with all of them and get agreement or did you just turn up with him one day assuming your prior discussions and the contract were a green light?

rennak-lily09 avatar
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We fully discussed it and prepared for it for over a year, he had full warning and could say that he would not go through with it, we gave him plenty of opportunities to change his mind.

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jenny-mason3 avatar
Jenny Mason
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think bringing an animal into a house where someone has a genuine phobia of said animal is a bit a**holish, the bigger issue for me is that the poor cat is being confined to one room because of it.

aaaabbbb avatar
Aaaa Bbbb
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I commented earlier encouraging you to find a foster situation for your cat. I can't find my previous comment but I wanted to add another piece of advice. Get a job so you can pay your cats expenses during the foster period. A lot of people would like to open their heart and home but few people can afford several hundred dollars a year for food and vet care. If you're a great student with high grades you can probably make that much tutoring. Otherwise babysitting, pet sitting, and yard work are options if you can't find a "real job". When you ask others for help fostering your cat, be sure to say you will pay for food and vet care. Best of luck with this tough situation!

aaaabbbb avatar
Aaaa Bbbb
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Try to find someone who will foster your kitty until you can get your own place. Do what you have to do. Beg friends and acquaintances. Beg on social media. Be prepared for angry backlash because you're (heaven forbid!) asking for help. Be humble and gracious and ignore the angry people until you find someone who can help. It's possible! I actually fostered a dog until her owner could reclaim her.

c-edink avatar
Nemo
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your brother should try EMDR. If he's afraid of cats, enabling won't do him any good. It will only make his fears worse. Try therapy first.

brianne_amos avatar
BarkingSpider
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry, but YTA for getting a cat knowing that your brother had a phobia. I love cats, but if I lived with someone with a genuine fear or allergy, I wouldn't have them. Now you may have to rehome him because you didn't think through the potential consequences, which is really unfair to the cat.

jessicadawson avatar
Bahama Mama
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How old are you and how old is your brother and are you both living in the same house?

rennak-lily09 avatar
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not gonna share exact ages, but both less than 15 and he is younger, we alternate between divorced parents

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shan-ghassan avatar
Rostit.. .
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

brother phobia is his problem. he should see a therapist. the world will not change for him. his phobia is also frankly stupid.

shan-ghassan avatar
Rostit.. .
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Do not get rid of your cat. for any reason. There is no good excuse and it will kill the cat. When I read things like this, it makes me incredibly angry at your brother and father. I wont type out what I think of them.

missvioletknightchild avatar
Miss Violet Knightchild
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm very sorry you're in this position. As you're a minor, I don't think you can really say "you" got the cat, since that would be your dad's decision as you live with him. Yes Uraza is your cat but your dad agreed to this, and so did your brother, as per the contract you established. Maybe he thought you wouldn't go through with it, maybe it's making him feel worse knowing that the cat is there, without seeing it, but at the end of the day, you now have a cat you (and your dad) are responsible for. I think your dad/parents should arrange for some therapy for your brother, to help desensitise him. I know phobias aren't anything to laugh at, but cats are literally all over the internet, in people's houses etc, so getting therapy for aluriphobia will help him in the long run anyway. I wish you the best of luck x

alexkumquat avatar
Tenebre
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your immature comments tell us all we need. Stop acting like a brat. "If you think I'm the a*****e I should run away or die"

rennak-lily09 avatar
Community Member
2 months ago

This comment has been deleted.

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alice-l-dickens avatar
FROGLET
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think you should negotiate with your brother for a compromise. Maybe you could keep him in your room for a while and schedule a few hours when he can roam the house every day?

fluffydreg avatar
FluffyDreg
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That was already done prior to getting the cat..the brother is now backing out of it.

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ritchat7 avatar
Ritchat
Community Member
2 months ago

This comment has been deleted.

ritchat7 avatar
Ritchat
Community Member
2 months ago

This comment has been deleted.

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intenzivni-kurs avatar
Dragon Mom
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP you're NTA. By reading the comments, I understand that both OP and brother are minors, so any decision had to be approved by the father, so your father is huge AH for allowing you to have a cat, and now changing his mind. Your father should be a responsible adult, so this was HIS decision, and it's all on him. A cat is not a thing to be discarded, it's a living being depending on people. Your brother is also an AH, I'd say he's spoiled rotten and selfish, for not saying anything the whole year, signing "the contract" then changing his mind. Self-diagnosing on some internet page is not a valid diagnose, he should either seek professional help, or stop being attention seeker (I suspect he's the latter, because he did not complain when you were talking about getting a cat). You can also play the same game, find a website where you can self-diagnose with depression and anxiety over losing your emotional support pet (but that would be a really dirty move, should be left as a last resort)

rennak-lily09 avatar
justinhaney avatar
Emotional_Dumpster
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think you should do what your heart tells you to. Think about it, and hopefully you'll find the awnser. I think that Uraza deserves a loving home like all cats do Best of luck to you!

mathalamus avatar
Matthew Barabas
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

keep the cat. dont let anyone get rid of your cat, and make sure they dont just toss him out behind your back. phobias are meant to be conquered, to be eliminated.

rennak-lily09 avatar
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s funny, whenever a person asks AITA and they just want moral support, and they think they’re in the right, they get blasted with YTA and disgust. I really needed that to remind me that everyone else’s troubles are worse than mine. Thanks. (Not sarcasm)

yupan avatar
Yu Pan
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is that what you are seeking here? Validation that you are doing the right thing? Well I'm sorry, but what you did was selfish and unfair to your brother and to your cat. Why can't you wait a few more years until you get your own place then get a cat? Is your own happiness or instant gratification more important than a cat's well being? You said you let the cat out and all, but a cat needs more than just space. Cats are very sensitive creatures. They pick up on people's emotions and they get stressed out easily. Your brother is stressing your cat out. You said you don't trust your cat with someone else, well I'd say I wouldn't trust your cat with you, an owner who puts their own selfish needs before their cat's. My cat is my everything, and I don't do anything that will purposely put him in a stressful situation. I'll probably get down voted because how harsh I am, but I just can't stand people who mistreat their pets and somehow still envision themselves to be the hero. Some may say you are young. Well I don't care how young you are. If you are old enough to get a cat on your own, you are old enough to be called inconsiderate.

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boredpanda_99 avatar
SirWriteALot
Community Member
2 months ago

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You live with your family and decide to get a pet without getting permission by your parents? YTA for sure, dude.

norik99 avatar
Lily Anne
Community Member
2 months ago

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Reach to your parents and tell them that their divorce is the underlying cause for your current problems, because it scarred you mentally. Taking away your emotional support animal will only worsen your condition. They failed to provide you proper therapy, which in itself is illegal. Your brother doesn’t have medical condition, so his opinion doesn’t matter. If your parents think he has medical condition, leaving it untreated until now is also illegal, it’s neglect. Stick to you cat, you have a right to keep it.

tamrastiffler avatar
Tamra
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry, but a parent failing to provide therapy is *not* illegal. If it was, parents all over the world would be breaking the law, daily. That said, it does sound like both she and her brother would benefit from some therapy.

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rennak-lily09 avatar
Community Member
2 months ago

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This comment has been deleted.

jill_emory avatar
Jill
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't run away and don't take the cat to the shelter!! If you run, it will end badly for the whole family. Your parents will freak out and who knows what might happen to you. If you take Uraza to a shelter, no matter how good it is, you will probably never see Uraza again. Take Uraza to your friend. If you can't go there by yourself, go with someone you trust and is completely on your side. Good luck.

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acey-ace16 avatar
Ace
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Three simple steps required here. 1. Get your own place, 2. Get your first cat, 3. Get as many other cats as you want.

rennak-lily09 avatar
paulfarrington-douglas avatar
PFD
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

River Wolf, I've been reading your comments and replies. It sounds like you and your brother are both struggling and neither of you are or were in a good emotional state to make mature decisions. I'm sure you've both been feeling battered with pressure from outside, it doesn't sound like you are particularly kind to each other either, and to be talking of running away, you must feel unsupported by your parents too (a real feeling, whether justified or not). You need support from somewhere. But RW, a bunch of judgemental adults on Bored Panda is not really the place to turn, especially with an AITA (which is a format strictly useful for adults who should know better). I can see how the comments are hurting you and the judgmentalism is only worsening the feelings you have already and encouraging you to consider more and more drastic action. Please, please step away and find a better source of advice from someone who knows you or can spend the time getting to know you.

jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your post shows a lack of understanding and empathy for your brother's phobia. He doesn't just 'not like cats'.... he is terrified of them. Phobia's are horrible to live with and can result in anxiety, panic attacks and inability to function. Imagine your brother suddenly decides to keep a hundred venomous spiders and a pair of rattlesnakes and you have to walk through them to get to the bathroom in dark in the middle of night? That's the kind of fear he faces every single day. One day you will move out of home and you can have as many cats as you like. In the meantime, your brothers emotional and mental safety is more important than your desire to have a pet.

rennak-lily09 avatar
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand aluriphobia, and BP edited almost all of my post. I just don’t want to lose Uraza, I already lost all of my friends, my parents trust, I just want to keep my tiny sliver of happiness so I don’t go let myself get eaten by a mountain lion. I would be happy to keep them in my room so he never has to see him, I just can’t bear to get rid of them. I love him so much already, it would be like losing a piece of myself to lose Uraza. I know it’s tearing Kevin apart, but if I have to remove Uraza from his life, I’m removing myself as well.

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laura_ketteridge avatar
arthbach
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Assuming all of these people live in the same house, then it is not acceptable for one person to get a pet that another is allergic to, or has a fear of. If the brother doesn't live in the same house, then it's not his call as to whether his sister can get a cat. It would be very reasonable reasonable accommodation for the cat to be kept in a separate room whilst the brother is visiting.

fluffydreg avatar
FluffyDreg
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He had a year to make that call. He had a year to say something. Instead he agreed to it.

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littlemisslady avatar
Little Miss Lady
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You are behaving selfishly without consideration of how your actions are affecting your brother as well as your cat. Your choice to get a cat when your brother has a phobia of cats and you share a living space is both irresponsible and apathetic towards your brother's anxiety disorder. You may not realize it, but your solution to deal with your brother's anxiety by keeping your cat cooped up in your room is considered animal abuse. Cats are curious, adventurous animals. Locking them in a confined space is like torture for them. Not to mention that your brother has to live in fear everyday in his home, which should be a safe space for everyone living there. If you truly love your brother and your cat, please consider finding your cat a loving home where it doesn't have to be confined and your brother can feel like his home is a safe environment. You can get a cat when you have your own place.

rockersalad avatar
Manda Hart
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It wasn't just RW's decision because everyone signed a contract giving consent. I agree that it's stressful, especially for the cat. But the source of the stress is RW's brother whom after signing the contract, is now raising a lot of contention whenever he is there and not at his mother's house. Kindly in response: I do agree that the brother's view is an issue, but that seems to be the result of agreeing to something he wished he hadn't.

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Giraffy Window
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Contract or no, this arrangement is unfair to both your brother AND your cat. Animals pick up on stress very easily, and if they are forced to live in a constantly stressful environment it can begin to lead to health issues. On top of THAT stress, it sounds like you're expected to keep your cat closed away? Cats need more space than that to roam and play. Being shut in one place all the time is yet another stress factor. It will never matter how much you love Uraza if you aren't able to provide a safe and secure environment for him. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++ It might be in everyone's best interest if you seek a foster situation for Uraza for the two years until you can find your own place. Find someone you trust who will let you visit often; provide the food and supplies required through that time period to keep the connection and make ownership clear.

rennak-lily09 avatar
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Uraza gets plenty of time with free range of the house, whenever Kevin is at moms or at school, I will never trust a person I barely know to take care of my best friend.

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TheBlueBitterfly
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your parents are entirely to blame for this. Why did they willingly get an animal if one member of the house has a strong phobia of said animal? Does he ACTUALLY have a true phobia, or is he doing this for attention? (How old is your brother? Younger/older? Other siblings in the house?) Just staying in one room is no life for a cat. It can't even zoom to burn off energy. It will get bored, and boredom turns to destruction. Whether the cat stays or goes, it will not be up to you, but your parents. Sorry. It was not the ideal situation to bring a cat into.

rennak-lily09 avatar
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s only up to my dad, we thought Kevin’s phobia wasn’t that bad, he didn’t argue despite months warning. Younger sibling, I don’t know if he’s faking it, the situation was really good before we got the cat, he can run around while we’re at school and mom’s house (divorced)

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PixieVonBehr
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I heckin love cats. I have two of my own and I foster so my house is constantly overrun with cats in the loveliest way, but I'm sorry to say YTA. There's not really any excuse for getting a cat whilst knowing your brother has a phobia. It's not fair on him or the cat. Respectfully, you sound immature and have acted selfishly. I hope the comments here help you understand that and you can avoid this type of situation in future by considering the repercussions of your actions.

mullicaninc avatar
Ross “Sarcastic Dad”
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

River Wolf, not sure if you're still checking this, but I'm on your side. It sounds like there is a lot more to this story, and based on what I can infer, I'm thinking you're trying not to put your brother on blast. I think you tried your best to make sure this went smoothly and he moved the goalposts once the cat was in the house. There is no way you just grabbed a cat off the street and started a s**t storm. NTA.

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BoredPangolin
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You put yourself in a terrible situation by adopting a pet when you didn't have your own place, nor the agreement of your family to adopt one. You just can't do this, and even less when you know the pet you wish is causing fear in another family member. The house you live in is supposed to be HIS safe, comfortable place too, and it's insensitive to think that either he should deal with it anyway or that a cat can be happy in only one room (!). I'm sorry you put yourself in such situation, but it's your own mistake (and lack of consideration for others) and you have to fix it yourself. Bring back the poor kitty, then possibly negociate with your family for an appropriate pet whom would suit the whole family, or could live happily in just your room. Also, it's not fair to put it on your brother. HE didnt chose his phobia, but YOU chose to trigger them by bringing the subject of his fear in his home. You sound depressed and I think you should ask your parents about seeing a therapist.

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norik99 avatar
Lily Anne
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Therapy. That’s what you both needed first, and shame on your parents for not taking you to therapy. Fear is not an allergy, it is treatable with proper therapy, and you obviously have deeper problems, if the kitty is the only good thing in your life. See a therapist and get help, both of you.

rennak-lily09 avatar
michaelwalbeck avatar
rennak-lily09 avatar
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I make sure the cat stays away from him and doesn’t mess with him or his stuff, I help him get an Axolotl, help with care and paying for the Axolotl, he allows me to have a cat.

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Debbie
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry, I did downvote this post because it is made by a minor and they'll might be getting harsh judgements on here. Not sure about the policies. Minors should be allowed to voice their opinions and ask questions. Just some things can be more harmful than helpful. Moderators, what is your policy on this?

fluffydreg avatar
FluffyDreg
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait so... everyone agreed to it first? You are NOT an AH if you discussed something you wanted, created terms that everyone reviewed and agreed with, and carried on with that plan. I feel like everyone here is ignoring that your brother, according to your story AGREED TO IT.

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lenka
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The post doesn't say the brother agreed at all. The post says she talked about and she drafted a 'contract'. It doesn't sound like Kevin agreed, signed the 'contract' or even participated in these conversations?

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Paloma Vita
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA. You may love the cat but it feels like it is in a childish, selfish way. A cat should not be confined to one room because the people you live with are either not into the cat (parents) or terrified of it (brother). Your brother has a phobia and it's not something he can control, so I am not sure why he agreed to the contract. It seems he does not understand either that a cat is not a doll or some inanimate object you can just keep "away from him" and locked in your room. You should either rehome the cat or move out.

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pasej41913@bustayes.com
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is very sad for everyone involved, not the least of which is poor Uraza who's absolutely powerless in this and is the true victim 😿

jb_16 avatar
JB
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

INFO. Do you live with your parents and brother? If so, did you discuss the timing of introducing Uraza with all of them and get agreement or did you just turn up with him one day assuming your prior discussions and the contract were a green light?

rennak-lily09 avatar
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We fully discussed it and prepared for it for over a year, he had full warning and could say that he would not go through with it, we gave him plenty of opportunities to change his mind.

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Jenny Mason
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think bringing an animal into a house where someone has a genuine phobia of said animal is a bit a**holish, the bigger issue for me is that the poor cat is being confined to one room because of it.

aaaabbbb avatar
Aaaa Bbbb
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I commented earlier encouraging you to find a foster situation for your cat. I can't find my previous comment but I wanted to add another piece of advice. Get a job so you can pay your cats expenses during the foster period. A lot of people would like to open their heart and home but few people can afford several hundred dollars a year for food and vet care. If you're a great student with high grades you can probably make that much tutoring. Otherwise babysitting, pet sitting, and yard work are options if you can't find a "real job". When you ask others for help fostering your cat, be sure to say you will pay for food and vet care. Best of luck with this tough situation!

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Aaaa Bbbb
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Try to find someone who will foster your kitty until you can get your own place. Do what you have to do. Beg friends and acquaintances. Beg on social media. Be prepared for angry backlash because you're (heaven forbid!) asking for help. Be humble and gracious and ignore the angry people until you find someone who can help. It's possible! I actually fostered a dog until her owner could reclaim her.

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Nemo
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your brother should try EMDR. If he's afraid of cats, enabling won't do him any good. It will only make his fears worse. Try therapy first.

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BarkingSpider
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry, but YTA for getting a cat knowing that your brother had a phobia. I love cats, but if I lived with someone with a genuine fear or allergy, I wouldn't have them. Now you may have to rehome him because you didn't think through the potential consequences, which is really unfair to the cat.

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Bahama Mama
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How old are you and how old is your brother and are you both living in the same house?

rennak-lily09 avatar
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not gonna share exact ages, but both less than 15 and he is younger, we alternate between divorced parents

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Rostit.. .
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

brother phobia is his problem. he should see a therapist. the world will not change for him. his phobia is also frankly stupid.

shan-ghassan avatar
Rostit.. .
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Do not get rid of your cat. for any reason. There is no good excuse and it will kill the cat. When I read things like this, it makes me incredibly angry at your brother and father. I wont type out what I think of them.

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Miss Violet Knightchild
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm very sorry you're in this position. As you're a minor, I don't think you can really say "you" got the cat, since that would be your dad's decision as you live with him. Yes Uraza is your cat but your dad agreed to this, and so did your brother, as per the contract you established. Maybe he thought you wouldn't go through with it, maybe it's making him feel worse knowing that the cat is there, without seeing it, but at the end of the day, you now have a cat you (and your dad) are responsible for. I think your dad/parents should arrange for some therapy for your brother, to help desensitise him. I know phobias aren't anything to laugh at, but cats are literally all over the internet, in people's houses etc, so getting therapy for aluriphobia will help him in the long run anyway. I wish you the best of luck x

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Tenebre
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your immature comments tell us all we need. Stop acting like a brat. "If you think I'm the a*****e I should run away or die"

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Community Member
2 months ago

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FROGLET
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think you should negotiate with your brother for a compromise. Maybe you could keep him in your room for a while and schedule a few hours when he can roam the house every day?

fluffydreg avatar
FluffyDreg
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That was already done prior to getting the cat..the brother is now backing out of it.

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Ritchat
Community Member
2 months ago

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Ritchat
Community Member
2 months ago

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Dragon Mom
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP you're NTA. By reading the comments, I understand that both OP and brother are minors, so any decision had to be approved by the father, so your father is huge AH for allowing you to have a cat, and now changing his mind. Your father should be a responsible adult, so this was HIS decision, and it's all on him. A cat is not a thing to be discarded, it's a living being depending on people. Your brother is also an AH, I'd say he's spoiled rotten and selfish, for not saying anything the whole year, signing "the contract" then changing his mind. Self-diagnosing on some internet page is not a valid diagnose, he should either seek professional help, or stop being attention seeker (I suspect he's the latter, because he did not complain when you were talking about getting a cat). You can also play the same game, find a website where you can self-diagnose with depression and anxiety over losing your emotional support pet (but that would be a really dirty move, should be left as a last resort)

rennak-lily09 avatar
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Emotional_Dumpster
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think you should do what your heart tells you to. Think about it, and hopefully you'll find the awnser. I think that Uraza deserves a loving home like all cats do Best of luck to you!

mathalamus avatar
Matthew Barabas
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

keep the cat. dont let anyone get rid of your cat, and make sure they dont just toss him out behind your back. phobias are meant to be conquered, to be eliminated.

rennak-lily09 avatar
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s funny, whenever a person asks AITA and they just want moral support, and they think they’re in the right, they get blasted with YTA and disgust. I really needed that to remind me that everyone else’s troubles are worse than mine. Thanks. (Not sarcasm)

yupan avatar
Yu Pan
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is that what you are seeking here? Validation that you are doing the right thing? Well I'm sorry, but what you did was selfish and unfair to your brother and to your cat. Why can't you wait a few more years until you get your own place then get a cat? Is your own happiness or instant gratification more important than a cat's well being? You said you let the cat out and all, but a cat needs more than just space. Cats are very sensitive creatures. They pick up on people's emotions and they get stressed out easily. Your brother is stressing your cat out. You said you don't trust your cat with someone else, well I'd say I wouldn't trust your cat with you, an owner who puts their own selfish needs before their cat's. My cat is my everything, and I don't do anything that will purposely put him in a stressful situation. I'll probably get down voted because how harsh I am, but I just can't stand people who mistreat their pets and somehow still envision themselves to be the hero. Some may say you are young. Well I don't care how young you are. If you are old enough to get a cat on your own, you are old enough to be called inconsiderate.

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SirWriteALot
Community Member
2 months ago

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You live with your family and decide to get a pet without getting permission by your parents? YTA for sure, dude.

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Lily Anne
Community Member
2 months ago

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Reach to your parents and tell them that their divorce is the underlying cause for your current problems, because it scarred you mentally. Taking away your emotional support animal will only worsen your condition. They failed to provide you proper therapy, which in itself is illegal. Your brother doesn’t have medical condition, so his opinion doesn’t matter. If your parents think he has medical condition, leaving it untreated until now is also illegal, it’s neglect. Stick to you cat, you have a right to keep it.

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Tamra
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry, but a parent failing to provide therapy is *not* illegal. If it was, parents all over the world would be breaking the law, daily. That said, it does sound like both she and her brother would benefit from some therapy.

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2 months ago

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Jill
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't run away and don't take the cat to the shelter!! If you run, it will end badly for the whole family. Your parents will freak out and who knows what might happen to you. If you take Uraza to a shelter, no matter how good it is, you will probably never see Uraza again. Take Uraza to your friend. If you can't go there by yourself, go with someone you trust and is completely on your side. Good luck.

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