Hey Pandas, AITA For Choosing My Peace Over Family Obligations?

Do you WANT to see your sister? Like I know you say she was/is the golden child, but did that affect your relationship with HER? Do you love/care about her? Do you want to see her? If so, then ignore the guilting and go visit - but arrange a short visit (perhaps just a few days) during a time when your spouse might also be able to arrange for a few days off as well - so that he can focus on taking care of your daughter.... at home. You don't HAVE to bring your husband and child with you to visit your sister. I totally understand the monetary issue (it is one of the reasons why I have not taken any sort of vacation in the last 3-4 years.) But you need to ask yourself - putting aside all of the semi-petty considerations of your sis being the "golden child" and her owning a house while you do not - do you WANT to see your sister? If you don't really, then tell your guilt-applying family members that THEY can pay for your lost wages/travel costs and then you'd be HAPPY to visit your sis.

If travel is a financial burden on you, invite them to visit if this more about not wanting to see them, be honest with yourself. Also just because they don't have kids, doesn't mean you have to spend money on a visit I just hosted a nephew and we didn't spend any extra except food. Seven is a great age because they can play actual games, and you can read them good books, and do crafts or sports. My nieces and nephews under 10 all love a playground/play park. It sounds like you just don't want to spend time with your sister or your own kid. Don't do the trip if that's the case but don't lie to yourself about your motivations.

Selfish? No. But I am wondering if there’s some envy going on. You don’t give any examples of how she is the favourite. Unless your parents contributed to purchasing your sister’s home and have never helped you out financially, the fact sis and her husband own but you don’t has nothing to do with your parents. Seems like your sister might be financially better off than you because they qualified for a mortgage and have chosen a childfree lifestyle so far. But homes in the countryside tend to be cheaper than town or city living. This doesn’t mean they can afford hotel stays to come visit you. As for saying there’s nothing for your 7-year old to do. Can’t they read? Can’t they play outside? Can’t you go for walks with them and learn about the wildlife? Are there no other kids at all in the neighborhood they could get to know? You’re here complaining that you feel they are showing off and making you feel small when you visit. Still no examples of how they did this, however you’re placing yourself as the main character in their story. Do you honestly believe your sister and husband bought a house just to rub your nose in the fact you rent? Perhaps they committed the heinous crime of being proud of their achievement. You’ve visited exactly once but make it out to be grossly unfair that you always have to travel. Sure, one visit made one time does meet the factual criteria of always but comparing your singular trip to the couple of times a year your parents go there is frankly ridiculous. Are they complaining or are you complaining on their behalf? The only bits of sympathy I have is that when you take time off, you don’t get paid and you’re already struggling to make ends meet. Applying emotional blackmail to coerce you to spend money and lose out on income is flat wrong. I really feel for you in this. It would be like badgering my single mom sister and her disabled kid to fly out to Canada because we haven’t seen each other in person for over 10 years. Nibling finally got a kidney transplant at the beginning of this year. I couldn’t take them away from the transplant team before now, just in case a viable kidney came up. You can bet your āss I’m saving up to fly them here now that nibling is stable.

In my opinion, NTA. They expect you and your parents to do all the travelling, but do not travel to you, and make lots of excuses about it. If one side is doing all the travelling in any type of long distance relationship, then it's a very one-sided relationship. They won't come to you and get a hotel room, but you are expected to lose work and wages, and take your child and husband up to a place where there's nothing to do? Nope. Tell them it's their turn to visit you.

Why would you be pressured to go? I don't get it-is it that stupid "fambly" rubbish again? If you dont want to go, don't go. Sounds like the parents are putting on the thumbscrews. NO is a complete answer.