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109
Hey Pandas, AITA For Thinking It’s Rude My Husband Chooses Ex’s Event Over My Feelings?
Moderator’s note:
If you find yourself disagreeing with this person’s actions, we encourage you not to downvote the post. Instead, kindly express your opinions in the comments. We recommend maintaining politeness and articulating your thoughts with well-constructed arguments.
My husband and I have been married for 28 years. He was married before for about 11 years. They had a daughter who is now 40. She lives with her mother. We have a son (26) and a daughter (23).
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I have a relatively good relationship with my stepdaughter
Image credits: LinkedIn Sales Solutions (not the actual photo)
It has improved over the years. It was difficult at first because she resented me and perhaps wanted her parents to get back together.
Her mother hosted a Sweet 16 birthday party for her to which I was not invited
Image credits: Robert Anderson (not the actual photo)
I told my husband that he should not have gone since I was snubbed by them. He went away, saying he wanted to be there for his daughter. I did not say anything further as I did not want to do anything to affect his relationship with his daughter.
Recently, his ex has been having a winter soup event at which she apparently serves different types of soups
Image credits: Louis Hansel (not the actual photo)
He is invited but not me. She had one today. He told me about it and that he was going this morning.
AITA for thinking that this is rude and disrespectful and that he should not go? I did not say anything to him today, but I am sure he must have picked up that I was not pleased about it. He went anyway.
Moderator’s note:
Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.
If you have a comparable experience or story you’d like to tell, we welcome your submissions. Click here to share your story with Bored Panda.
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What do you think ?
Philip Rutter 1 year ago
There is a HUGE difference between supporting his daughter- and - soup. I think you're entitled to be as PO'd about the soup parties as you like.
bElLa sTairZz 1 year ago
this! like his daughter will be super hurt if he doesnt go to her 16th birthday. but i think his ex wife can live with him not being at the soup thing.
Load More Replies...
theoneandonlynoira 1 year ago
Alright I know I'm about to get downvoted for this but I guess I don't think the ex should be required to invite you. She may be jealous-- a lost marriage rankles for years after. If you have suspicions about the husband's fidelity, it's not okay. He's knowingly going to something that you don't feel comfortable about.
bElLa sTairZz 1 year ago
going to the birthday i can get, since its for the daughter, not the wife. but going to the soup?? why, it was his ex wifes event
JK 1 year ago
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that this is about more than just "soup". After that many years and 2 kids together, you've got pretty good instincts about your SO. The fact your relationship with step-daughter improved, but didn't become "great" isn't uncommon in split family situations (especially when younger half-siblings come along). Nor is it uncommon for ex-spouses to still hold a level if resentment to the new spouse - you dont say *how* you and hubs got together, so if there was some shady business in those early days, that more than explains ex-wifes issue with you, and tbh, that would explain your insecurities/concerns. The fact is, that family unit existed before you, you can't erase them, nor can you plaster yourself into the situation. I totally get feeling uncomfortable being left out, and even a level of jealousy. Maybe don't take it out on hubs, maybe carve out some time just for the 2 of you, but also find some things for just you/friends too
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 1 year ago
The sweet 16 party 24 years ago you really need to let go of. Of course he was going to his daughters party. The monthly soup party is a bit weird that youre not invited and that hes going anyway. Did he and his ex stay friends? Did you many years ago tell her you only eat fork foods? Is your country experiencing a soup shortage? Sometimes there are parties where a partner is not invited, like a "girl's night" or a work thing. You not being invited to this party that you would want to go to is a snub. If you dont want to socialize with her and everybody knows that you would cause problems at a party, thats on you.
Lori T Wisconsin 1 year ago
If hubby had any cajones at all, he would tell the ex that you and your current wife go to parties as a couple, or not at all.
lenka 1 year ago
I feel like there is a lot more to this story than what you have shared. You jump from not being invited to the step daughter's sweet 16 to the soup events but the daughter is now 40 so there is 24 years in between these two events. I think telling your husband not to attend his daughter birthday is quite AHish, and 24 years is a lot of time to still be hung up on it but that's not the question here really. I dont think you are the AH for feeling left out of soup events also exwife is not an AH for leaving you out. She has no obligation to invite you. Husband might be an AH? But I think more information is necessary. Does the daughter still live at home? Does she attend the soup events? Is that why husband goes?
Anna Kingswood (Post author) 1 year ago
I have responded to your questions. I understand your point of view, but I disagree with you. If I had a daughter (or son) before we were married, I'd never dream of having or going to a party for the child without my husband being there. It was 24 years ago and in fact it was at a time when my stepdaughter and I did not really have a relationship. Now it is quite warm. The only reason I mentioned it is because the now annual soup-dos reminded me of when I was excluded before. There hasn't been any issue between that time and the soup-dos that started a few years ago. My stepdaughter lives with her mother.
Load More Replies...
BlueBlazer999 1 year ago
Info needed, did you talk to him after the previous soup parties? As for the birthday party, of course he went. You have no reason to expect to be invited to that. If you think he’s cheating, then there’s a whole other story here. Either way, communicate. Always communicate.
Philip Rutter 1 year ago
There is a HUGE difference between supporting his daughter- and - soup. I think you're entitled to be as PO'd about the soup parties as you like.
bElLa sTairZz 1 year ago
this! like his daughter will be super hurt if he doesnt go to her 16th birthday. but i think his ex wife can live with him not being at the soup thing.
Load More Replies... theoneandonlynoira 1 year ago
Alright I know I'm about to get downvoted for this but I guess I don't think the ex should be required to invite you. She may be jealous-- a lost marriage rankles for years after. If you have suspicions about the husband's fidelity, it's not okay. He's knowingly going to something that you don't feel comfortable about.
bElLa sTairZz 1 year ago
going to the birthday i can get, since its for the daughter, not the wife. but going to the soup?? why, it was his ex wifes event
JK 1 year ago
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that this is about more than just "soup". After that many years and 2 kids together, you've got pretty good instincts about your SO. The fact your relationship with step-daughter improved, but didn't become "great" isn't uncommon in split family situations (especially when younger half-siblings come along). Nor is it uncommon for ex-spouses to still hold a level if resentment to the new spouse - you dont say *how* you and hubs got together, so if there was some shady business in those early days, that more than explains ex-wifes issue with you, and tbh, that would explain your insecurities/concerns. The fact is, that family unit existed before you, you can't erase them, nor can you plaster yourself into the situation. I totally get feeling uncomfortable being left out, and even a level of jealousy. Maybe don't take it out on hubs, maybe carve out some time just for the 2 of you, but also find some things for just you/friends too
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 1 year ago
The sweet 16 party 24 years ago you really need to let go of. Of course he was going to his daughters party. The monthly soup party is a bit weird that youre not invited and that hes going anyway. Did he and his ex stay friends? Did you many years ago tell her you only eat fork foods? Is your country experiencing a soup shortage? Sometimes there are parties where a partner is not invited, like a "girl's night" or a work thing. You not being invited to this party that you would want to go to is a snub. If you dont want to socialize with her and everybody knows that you would cause problems at a party, thats on you.
Lori T Wisconsin 1 year ago
If hubby had any cajones at all, he would tell the ex that you and your current wife go to parties as a couple, or not at all.
lenka 1 year ago
I feel like there is a lot more to this story than what you have shared. You jump from not being invited to the step daughter's sweet 16 to the soup events but the daughter is now 40 so there is 24 years in between these two events. I think telling your husband not to attend his daughter birthday is quite AHish, and 24 years is a lot of time to still be hung up on it but that's not the question here really. I dont think you are the AH for feeling left out of soup events also exwife is not an AH for leaving you out. She has no obligation to invite you. Husband might be an AH? But I think more information is necessary. Does the daughter still live at home? Does she attend the soup events? Is that why husband goes?
Anna Kingswood (Post author) 1 year ago
I have responded to your questions. I understand your point of view, but I disagree with you. If I had a daughter (or son) before we were married, I'd never dream of having or going to a party for the child without my husband being there. It was 24 years ago and in fact it was at a time when my stepdaughter and I did not really have a relationship. Now it is quite warm. The only reason I mentioned it is because the now annual soup-dos reminded me of when I was excluded before. There hasn't been any issue between that time and the soup-dos that started a few years ago. My stepdaughter lives with her mother.
Load More Replies... BlueBlazer999 1 year ago
Info needed, did you talk to him after the previous soup parties? As for the birthday party, of course he went. You have no reason to expect to be invited to that. If you think he’s cheating, then there’s a whole other story here. Either way, communicate. Always communicate.
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