Man Asks If He Was Wrong To Ask A Mom Who Started Breastfeeding Her Baby To Sit At Another Table
Sometimes people get uncomfortable about things that others consider to be the most normal in the world. It could be that they were raised differently, or in their culture, some things are considered to be taboo.
However, as a society, we make some things out to be taboo although they shouldn’t be as they are normal and natural. That leads to people being uncomfortable while talking about it or witnessing those things. That was what happened to Reddit user Chance_Object_7968, who felt uneasy when a woman started breastfeeding her baby not too far from him.
He felt uncomfortable and asked her to sit in another place, but she refused. People who read the story came to a conclusion that the man was at fault and shouldn’t have said what he said.
More info: Reddit
A man feels like he was being a jerk for asking a breastfeeding mom to sit at another table because he felt uncomfortable and asks the internet for a second opinion
Image credits: Benjamin Magaña (not the actual photo)
The original poster (OP) introduces himself as a 27-year-old man who has a job that allows him long breaks during which he likes to go to a café and sit there. Apparently the café in question is often busy, but it probably doesn’t bother the man as he evidently continues coming there.
After a while the baby starts crying and the mom understands it as a sign that her child is hungry. So she does what she has to and starts breastfeeding it. That is when the man becomes uncomfortable; he doesn’t know where to put his eyes and eventually asks if the woman could sit at another table.
The OP likes to spend his breaks in a café that usually gets quite busy
Image credits: Chance_Object_7968
The OP describes that the mom looked sorry, but she didn’t move. So the man decided that he also wouldn’t go to the seat that was less comfortable and just hurried up to drink his coffee and left.
At the end, the man understood that he might have been rude and insensitive. He felt the judgemental looks from other café guests, but he had no intention to force the woman out in the first place.
One time a woman with a baby came in and asked the man if she could sit at his table as there were not many seats available
Image credits: Chance_Object_7968
The man said yes, but after a while, he regretted it as the mom started breastfeeding her baby and he felt uncomfortable
Image credits: Chance_Object_7968
Chance_Object_7968 mentions that he realizes that breastfeeding is natural, but he still felt that he couldn’t stay in the café any longer. It is not uncommon for men to feel uncomfortable in situations like these. But it’s not that moms enjoy it either; at the same time, they will not leave their babies starving.
A lot of people in the comments were saying that the OP shouldn’t have said anything and many of them were repeating that it’s a natural thing that people should just accept it.
Image credits: Chance_Object_7968
He wanted the mom to sit in another place, but she couldn’t, so he quickly drank his coffee and left, but felt that other people didn’t approve of his actions
Image credits: Chance_Object_7968
It seems that the man really felt bad about asking the woman to go to another seat and wanted to know what others would think about the situation he was in. People in the comments showed no mercy and the verdict was that the OP was in the wrong for asking her to move.
But what do you think? Do you reckon that this man deserves redemption as he himself feels bad for his actions? Maybe you have some experiences that are similar to this and would like to share them? Let us know your reactions in the comments!
People who read the story unanimously agreed that the OP was being mean and shouldn’t have said anything
What is it with men and female bodily functions? I remember buying tampons for my then girlfriend and these guys making a scene at the cash register. "Dude, you buy those things for your old lady?". I think I answered "Are you 5 years old or something?". I have always been puzzled by this attitude. Breastfeeding is as natural as things get. Sure, you don't want to stare and lick your lips, but at the very least be a grownup and either ignore it or ask if there is something you can do to help (in a busy bar if the mom is having trouble, get your mind out of the gutter). Folks, grow up.
Exactly, Marco. Well said. Grow the hell up you stupid little man boys. Women's bodies exist outside your need to sexualize them for your own gratification. It's pathetic.
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If I see someone breastfeeding in public, I probably won't think a thing about it. If someone asks to share my table where I'm eating, pops out a boob and begins breastfeeding 2 ft in front of me, I'm going to be taken aback a little. While I was sitting there, that was my personal space. I shared it (yes that became her space too at that point) but I'd be awfully surprised by it. I'd like to think I'd just shrug it off and go about the rest of my routine. I'd even like to think I might make some small talk with the lady. But honestly, if you catch someone by surprise, half the time their reaction may not be stellar, regardless of what the situation was.
There's literally no difference between the woman nursing her baby and the woman actually eating food herself at the table. You wouldn't be discomfited by the one, so why would you be by the other?
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The man was in a situation where he was uncomfortable. He apparently did not make a major scene and bowed to the inevitable. He is giving serious thought to the situation and everyone's reactions, including his own. He is not an a**hole, just a clueless guy caught off guard in a situation he was not prepared for.
Yea, I don't think he is an asshole. He handled the situation poorly, but it could have been worse. I don't understand why he felt uncomfortable tho, drink your coffee and continue focusing on whatever you were doing.
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It's rude to stare at other people when they're eating anyway, so he could have just kept his eyes to himself if it bothered him. Why should she move?
Because he was there first. I'm a woman and I'd be uncomfortable too. It was unexpected and most people aren't used to eating out and have someone plop their boob (or anything else) out right in front of them.
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Ok, Pro tip for people that don't like seeing/don't agree with/don't feel comfortable seeing a woman breastfeed and want to stop it! It happens so often it's almost like there is a constant stream of babies being born! But you're out and about, chilling at your favourite café, relaxing at a quiet bistro, having a break in the shopping mall, etc. You see a mother with her infant, it starts getting agitated maybe even crying... yep, the baby is hungry. So the mother whips out her breast and the baby latches on. Here's what you do... Once you establish what's happening... mind your own f*****g business.
In my opinion, asking her to move when he could have moved was the AH move.
Yes, but she asked to sit at his table beforehand, probably knowing what she was going to do. She should have taken the open table or let him know "can I sit here to breastfeed my baby" instead of surprising him in an awkward situation. I'm a woman and even that would surprise me after I willingly let her sit at my table.
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As a woman I couldn't care less if a woman wants to breastfeed her baby in my presence, it's perfectly normal and natural and that's what breasts were designed for. If I were in her situation I would probably turn to one side if possible so that I'm not intruding on anyone's space. I live in the UK and people have such a stupid attitude towards women breastfeeding their babies in public. What many people might not realise is when a baby gets hungry and starts fussing, the breastmilk starts flowing and it's very embarrassing for the mother as well as very uncomfortable if she's not able to feed her baby "on time".
I grew up in a giant family, saw a lot of breast feeding. The only time I have a problem is when someone makes a giant production out of it. My sister used to make a whole production out of breast feeding in public. Just because it isn't sexual to you doesn't mean everyone around you is going to be good with it, just a little courtesy goes a long way. Like taking off your shoes and socks on a plane. You'll do it for a bit to get a splinter out, but everyone knows your an ahole when you take them off and just leave it like that for ages and then prop them up on the seat in front of you. Having a baby does not excuse you from being courteous.
To me, it comes down to learning to deal with your own discomfort, as that is the real issue. The problem he had was his own, which seems to me to be a problem with perspective. Keep the perspective that this a person feeding her child, not something that is in any way sexual. View it as a possible uncomfortable situation for her and, even if it's not, that she is someone managing to meet a child's need. To accelerate getting his perspective changed, take it a step further by offering to grab napkins, her drink (if she hasn't got it yet), etc.. In other words, do for her what you would do if she (or another person) were doing something equivalent that has similar demands on her resources. By actively seeking to make her comfortable, you will make yourself comfortable with the situation as well. Instead of making her isolated and yourself feel uncomfortable, you are making the world a slightly better place and turning an internal negative into a positive. :-)
I am a breastfeeding mothers and if my son needs feeding and I'm with people I haven't feed Infront off before I simply ask "would you mind if I feed my son here?" No one has ever said no, I have been offered move comfortable places to feed but for me it allows the other individuals to not be caught of guard and left feeling awkward or not knowing what to do or wear to look. A little common courtesy doesn't harm.. In this situation the man probably would have just finished his coffee and left.
I get being a little taken aback about unexpected breast-feeding two feet away, but asking her to move makes YTA. She is doing nothing wrong. You are sexualising her. The appropriate response would be to ignore her; her breasts and her baby are not your business. If you can't, the next best thing would be to finish your drink and leave without comment. Failing that, to say "Oh, excuse me, let me give you some space." and take your-non-breastfeeding self to sit the table under the aircon. If you think it is less comfortable, imagine how much worse it would be for the cold-sensitive baby, and the woman with her breast partly exposed. Jackass.
Unpopular opinion, but I think while he could have reacted differently, he is not an asshole. This woman was sitting directly in front of him in a busy place. From what he writes, he tried not to look at her breasts, but then they were right in his view. I do understand why this might make him uncomfortable. I as a breastfeeding mother would also feel uncomfortable in this situation!
I'm having a hard time understanding what exactly is making people so uncomfortable about women breatfeeding in public. Is it really the mere sight of a bare boob? Is that really too much to handle? I really don't understand, I mean if you're worried the woman is going to think you're staring at her, then just don't look and focus on something else. It really shouldn't be that hard to focus on something to try and evade looking at something specific. I mean, I get that society made breasts sexually arousing and that at first you can be a little like 'ooop there it is!' but sheesh if I went bonkers every time I saw a guy's bulge through his pants I wouldn't be able to function normally.
Just because something is natural doesnt mean its meant to be done in public or that everyone is going to comfortable watching. Sex is natural (its how you make the baby in the first place, right?) so is peeing or being naked for that matter (we are born naked, arent we?). But we live in a society that have created rules be it written or just unwritten ones. And one of the rules is that public nudity between adults is usually not okay. Just as you dont wanna see a peeing person or people having sex, some people dont wanna see a breastfeeding person - just because it shows piece of the nudity. Even its natural.
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I'm a breastfeeding mom myself and have no problem breastfeeding in public. I, however, always try to do it discreetly and cover the top part of my breast. It has nothing to do with fear of sexualisation, but I don't feel comfortable showing all of my breast in public. So for me it has to do with modesty. If I see another breastfeeding mom showing all of her breast, I actually feel a little uncomfortable and look away. So if that was the case for the guy, I can understand why he might have felt uncomfortable, but I also think he handled it poorly.
exactly ! I am a woman and also feel uncomfortable when someone is just showing their boobs in the public. nothing sexual about it i just dont like looking at naked strangers. there are so many different ppl. why couldnt she just put a scarf over her breasts? no one would have noticed. the man is NTA, but still he shouldnt have asked her to move. she could at least have asked if he mind her breastfeeding and not shock him like that
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I hate the guy for his inability to use apostrophes correctly. His attitude about breast-feeding is downright primitive and back-assward.
Oh, how many times people have told me to cover up , or even leave. Even in the kiddies section of a public library. If a parent is allowed to give a baby a bottle in a location, same goes for nursing. Babys needs always comes before yours. I may not have shared a strangers table and nursed, but if she needed to she did the right choice, it is not our right to judge her reasons for it.
don't look at her. read your portfolio, drink your coffee and leave. This is why this country is in chaos as far as "correct" behavior opinions. Her feeding her infant is perfectly natural
I'm a woman, I've been breastfed for ages as a child, I'm totally pro breastfeeding. I too agree that the guy had mishandled the situation. He could have moved, for once, instead of asking her to move. He could have just sit there and look at his phone... So yes, i think he's in the wrong. But, even if we agree that boobs are not intrinsically sexual and their literal purpose is too feed a baby, we cannot deny that nowadays (and for centuries, I might add) breasts have also a sexual component. If a woman pops out a boob in a crowded cafe because she has an itch or something, we would frown, to say the least. A naked boob with a baby attached to it it's still a naked boob, it doesn't become an elbow. So yes, ok, the baby needed to be fed, perfectly normal. She could have covered herse with a cloth or a jacket; at least for the initial moment when you have to literally bare the breast. Then, when the baby's attached, she could taken it ut, the baby's head would cover most of it anyway.
I think the context of naked boob is important. Take Holocaust images - no one sexualized the nakedness. Emergency situation - no one cares of a breast is exposed while saving a person. Context. Breast-feeding should not have a sexual component. Ultimately, the society chooses what is appropriate or not- I think modern society is choosing breast-feeding as acceptable in public. With more time, I think it will be more widely normalized.
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We've all been in awkward situations and reacted in a manner that is inappropriate. That doesn't make us a$$holes, it means we are human. As long as we learn from it, it's ok. This man was just clearly in a situation he had never been before and was unsure of himself. He questioned himself and ask for thoughts on the situation to learn from it. I dont think a tongue lashing is what he needs. It's more the need for advise. I do think breastfeeding is a beautiful and a natural thing. It's more than a child's nourishment. It's a special bond between mother and child. But I won't say I wasn't a little off put the first time I saw it in public. I never said a thing but did feel a little weirded out for a short time. It's a learning experience for those who know little to nothing about it.
In the USA mothers are allowed to breastfeed anytime in any place where the mother is allowed to be.
People are such idiots on that subreddit anyway, yeah it was a little foolish but he was uncomfortable, just because something is natural doesn't automatically mean everyone is comfortable with it, he should've moved though and not asked her. But sheesh give the guy a break, he was playing it back in his mind and was man enough to question his decision.
I don't understand how seeing someone breastfeeding can make you uncomfortable -- that's the least sexual thing a breast can do, and you can literally just not look at it if it bothers you. And if for some reason you can't stop looking at it, then that's 100% your problem, don't make it her problem or her baby's problem.
I'm glad he seems willing to reconsider his behavior, and I am enormously grateful to see the comments trending toward he is in the wrong. Ten tears ago when I was breastfeeding my first newborn I'm afraid there would have been a lot more people on the wrong side. I really really hope that that mother he tried to make move has the confidence and experience to recognize that he was 100% in the wrong. Because if she was a new mother on one of her first outing with her baby that sort of interaction can be a humiliating confidence killer. Breastfeeding moms who don't feel comfortable feeding their babies in public can end up feeling stuck at home and isolated, because you never know when the baby will get hungry. Its painful and lonely and can significantly worsen post partum depression.
Unpopular opinion here ... but I think the assholes were the people giving him dirty looks. She's not in the wrong for needing to feed her baby, and he isn't in the wrong for feeling so uncomfortable. We're in a society that is still learning that breastfeeding in public is okay and not a sexual thing. We're going to run into discomfort from time to time. He was being polite about asking her to move (he WAS there first), he wasn't yelling at her or calling her names. And he only asked once before deciding to leave instead without making a big scene about it.
There are many things which are natural but are NOT done in public. I saw many mothers who had no choice but to breastfeed in public place, so they covered the breast with a light fabric. That's what I would do.
Yes, breastfeeding is natural. Whatever. Yes, the guy should have gotten up and moved, not expect her to. However, that being said, the vast majority of breastfeeding women I have seen bring a little light cotton square they drape over their shoulder and drape lightly over the baby. And yes..... I just read all about the babies who would fuss under one. Ok. They fuss under one, so I guess those moms can't. . Whatever. I'm just saying that is what I have generally encountered in public.
To be honest I would be uncomfortable as well and I am a woman. If she was sitting at another table minding her own business I wouldnt think a thing. But sitting right in front of him is a bit too much. Not everyone is used to that. If you were sitting at a park and a man sat right next to you and suddenly he got naked, sunbathing, would that also be just a "natural thing"? She could have asked if he doesn't mind (which is what most women I know do) or she could have used a thin piece of fabric to cover up. It's easy. I know breastfeeding is natural and all that but not everyone wants to see you naked, simple. I think both could have handled the situation better.
I’m a Mom and it has always made me uncomfortable to see someone breastfeeding in public. Nor do I buy into the arguments over how “natural” it is…blah-blah-blah. So are lots of things that we don’t do in public. Breastfeeding is a very private, personal act in most societies, so if you’re going out with your baby, for heavens sake, how hard is it to bring a bottle of expressed milk or duck into the ladies room for a bit?
Actually breastfeeding was never considered a "private personal act" in the overwhelming majority of human society until formula marketing in the early to mid 20th century told people it was something to be ashamed of. Up until then it was just part of normal life.
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Two things, you wouldn't just whip your breast out under normal circumstances right? So, with that being said, I would hope that if a woman is going to breastfeed in public, they know enough to put a blanket over their shoulder and over the baby! Use tact! TY!
Using that logic...if you have a broken leg why would you wear a cast because under normal circumstances you wouldn't right??
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I really don’t think he was an asshole. He asked very politely and didn’t make a huge scene.
In today's world, sadly, it's not the norm and not the norm makes people uncomfortable. I get it; baby cries and has to be feed but even as a woman, I too would have been taken aback. I don't think he's the a$$hole here and it was his space before she asked to sit down so why would he move? I think too many may have taken this personally but think about it seriously. What makes you uncomfortable that maybe should be the norm?
Somewhat strange to plop right there at this tiny table and whip out a boob, but at the same time he coulda moved. That being said if he got up and just moved to the other seat OR even said "im sorry, no offense but I am uncomfortable" and moved to the other seat.... people woulda STILL called him the asshole
Too much time and money is spent on sexualizing breasts. Every type of entertainment, every type of advertising. Is it a wonder men get uncomfortable when they actually see one in public? They are raised on it.
I have to disagree with just about everyone. People keeps saying "its natural" but so is intercourse and using the loo, how would you feel if people were doing those 'natural' things whilst you were eating?. I not saying do not do it in public if you wish to display your boobs, because that is what they are doing, just do not do it in other peoples faces, thank you
I don't think he's an AH. I think he just got caught off guard. I think it's because men are conditioned growing up to think of a breast as a sexual thing. That's it. Therefore they become uncomfortable when a woman's breast is used for its true purpose. Understandable if the man hasn't got sisters or had a wife who breastfeeds. However, I have to say that a baby's head covers more of a breast than a bikini top does. Does he feel uncomfortable sitting on a beach? Don't give the guy a hard time. Yes, breast feeding is a totally natural thing, but not every man has been raised on "natural." Also, if feeding mothers could do so, they could have a thin muslin or netted shawl to toss in front of her when feeding. That gives baby breathing space and causes less consternation in uneducated males.
I still don't get why some people are disturbed by a baby sucking titties........ I mean, I was curious about my aunt flopping her breast out to feed my cousin when i was 5 and wondering why everyone was ok with her flopping her breast out. As in "I didn't know that women were allowed to show their breasts" sort of curiosity. But otherwise, I don't see why any grown up would have a problem with it. lmao
Because you saw it for the first time at 5. A lot of people have still only seen it in pictures. In another generation it’ll be totally normal.
Load More Replies... Breasts have one biological function: to feed babies. Babies need to be fed. This is the easiest and most efficient and natural way of doing so. If you are unable to see a baby being fed without sexualizing the mother, then maybe you should stay the hell at home and stop polluting the world with you pathetic fratboy mentality.
Well you may say that but it is just not true. Breasts have been sexualized for centuries, they have been presented as a sign of sexual maturity, they have been pushed as a symbol of sexy women, they have been pointed out in thousands of adds and of course they play a huge part in porn. After generations and generations of young people being brought up with this in mind you cant just detele it all by saying "hey there is actually nothing sexual about breasts, they are for feeding only". Of course people do realize that in the end but it does not mean all of them will be totally fine with that. The feeling of awkwardness will arise in many.
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He had the opportunity to be the good guy. Maybe she wanted to sit at his table so he would be able to block everyone else' view of her? Women have it rough with feeding schedules. My wife was a hero when it came to taking care of our daughter. Honestly, he could have even engaged her in conversation to make her feel better. Just brief small talk while making eye contact. He said he had a portfolio with him, so maybe just keep reading? It's not as if you can actually see anything while most women nurse.
Just because he did not feel comfortable to see a breastfeeding woman does not mean that he is a bad guy. This woman could cover her breast. That's what I would do.
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The title makes it sound like she has a portable boob in her purse. And that's kinda funny.
Wow, why is it always the guy that has to move or give way. He was sitting there first she didn't give him a warning or anything. He isn't an asshole he didn't blow it out of portion or anything. He seemly asked if she would try to move when she said no he was even polite enough to finish his drink off fast and leave. The assholes are the ones trying to push there sense of right and wrong on others. He was by no way rude or an asshole.
I feel sorry for this guy, some people grow up not being taught the right things onto of that He was caught off guard, Also as a mom they have items to cover yourself while breast feeding in public so no one has to see your breasts, because like it or not it does make some people uncomfortable to see uncovered breasts, and if someone is feeling uncomfortable its best not to judge them. Its like if you were on a public train and someone was standing to close YES you have the right to ask them to move. A woman breast feeding in public is not a issue but turning a guy into a monster because he was honest and admitted to being uncomfortable is. The Man did nothing wrong, she should have asked for one if it was ok to breast feed next to him it was after all HIS table he was there first, women need to stop feeling so freaking entitled .
I think this must be more of an American thing (yes, I'm American). You generally don't read stories like this from other countries, especially Scandinavian.
Tits are made for feeding babies. Period. Some people need to GROW UP!
If he was a gentleman he could have movies to the other empty table. I dont like looking at it either but the logistics of unlatching the baby and moving all the stuff to another table.
The one nice thing about this is he was questioning his own awkwardness and his aversion to what happened, and that's a huge step towards awareness of others. I once worked at a target where a lady was harassed for sitting in the back corner of a Starbucks by herself and was nursing a baby WITH A BLANKET COVERING HERSELF. The biggest thing is taking steps to normalize breast feeding in public. America is a prudish place, a woman's body is over sexualized as it is, but feeding a baby is natural. I think she should have said something first just to make sure, but the biggest one for me is he asked her to move when he was more then capable of it himself, And then obviously got super uncomfortable and left. It shouldn't be an uncomfortable thing. We as a society need to step back from this sexualization and recognize that breastfeeding a baby is not a dirty thing, a sexual thing, unless we make it out to be in our minds. So I applaud him for recognizing why he felt like reaching out.
It is because the film- and advertising industry is sexualizing breasts. Men are sexualizing breasts. Don't deny it. When you guys see boobs you are just like whoooooooohhhh since you're 12 or something. You make movies where EVERYTIME there MUST be a scene where a woman shows a breast in a sexual matter, so you can have a hard one on it. And now you are uncomfortable when a lady is breastfeeding?? That's because you are pervs who have been sexualizing breasts for decades and now you cannot see them in another way anymore. So hit me with the downvotes, that only proves me right.
we are all different ppl with different backgrounds and culture. how about we respect each other. I am sure he would be fine if she covered herself. There are nudist who consider it natural to walk around naked but it is not legal anywhere but spaces reserved for it (nuda beaches) or your home. There are men who are unable to pee in front of other men even if it is considered natural in our society. We are all different and have different attitudes towards nudity. how about breastfeeding women stop taking all attention and just feed their babies. because now is it really about feeding the baby or calling for attention? i feel like in some cases it is the latter.
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You don't see the breast when a kid is breast feeding. Their head is bigger a lot of tops women wear out (not that I'm judging those, you do you). Maybe for a second if it's a difficult latch. Grow up or move.
I never understood what's the deal here? She is breastfeeding and he is drinking his coffee. What is making him so uncomfortable? It would not bother me one bit.
Take it easy on the guy. He noticed and didn't feel right . Plenty of people are uncomfortable seeing people breastfeeding . I'm not saying that's a problem for the moms , but maybe the people with the issues need to work on being more comfortable with the concept. I had my first child at 20. I was thinking about breastfeeding and honestly it just grossed me out and made me feel weird. I did breastfeed and it wasn't gross or weird. It's something I think a woman misses when that stage of her life is over. Boobs out is a rather current cause. I think some people just need extra time getting used to the idea .
The guy's reaction is the symptom of a much bigger problem involving ignorance, puritanism, repression, uber-sexualization.
No, Manuel, it's not. This guy does not sounds like ignorant puritan, and repressive. I don't know what uber-sexualization represents.
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Not only are you TA but damn you could've went above and beyond, this would've been a perfect time to show compassion. Let me get you a drink, what is your favorite beverage? Can you have caffeine while breast feeding? (I know docs don't recommend it but I also know I drank coffee while feeding, a little bit not like pots and pots of the stuff) Water, offer to dig in her diaper bag and assist her in covering up if she had a cover.... anything. Any small gesture other than weirding out. I'm so sick of people (not just men let me make this clear) freaking out over breast feeding. We don't have tits for decoration... they are 100% for this purpose. Then they're basically useless. They hurt every month. They sweat, bras are almost always uncomfortable unless you have buko bucks to spend on a great bra. Which 99% of us do not. People are ridiculous.
Oh this is ridiculous. He is a guy on his lunch break, not a personal therapist. The woman breastfeeding is not a victim here. If a nursing mom needs compassion while feeding her child in public, maybe she is not ready for that, yet. I breastfed my kids and if a strange man in a public place asked if I needed a drink or do I need him to dig through my diaper bag, that would be way over a healthy boundary line. Creepy. How about a compromise ? She throws a baby blanket over her shoulder for privacy and he minds his own business.
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this poor guy was uncomfortable and had every right to say something and most importantly, wasn't an ahole about it! Yes, breastfeeding is natural, but I CANNOT stand women who just whip out a boob in public and don't even try to be discrete about it. How hard is it to put a damn blanket over your titty if you need to breastfeed in public? Have some respect for the general public.
Do you want an actual answer. Exceptionally hard! Breastfeeding women don't show their breasts because they enjoy it. They put their own comfort aside for the comfort and well being of their babies. Putting a blanket over your BABY isn't fair to the baby and many babies will NOT tolerate it. Would you prefer to share a public space with a hungry screaming baby angry because someone keeps putting a blanket over their head, or risk seeing a bit of skin.
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I’m currently pregnant with my first and likely only child so I know this will come up at some point. I don’t really know proper etiquette as it seems everyone has their own preferences. Me personally though I’d rather cover up or go to a bathroom. I do realize it’s natural, but some people will stare no matter what and I really don’t feel like having to yell at people for staring I’d rather just go out of the way to avoid that. I can’t really call this guy a AH though bc him not being a woman and it was right in front of him I imagine he didn’t quite grasp what she’s going through. It’s hard to be empathetic sometimes if you personally haven’t experienced it and even me as a current non mom (although that’ll change in a few months) I can’t relate either. At least he asked her nicely. It could have been much worse.
Bathroom... It's not only unhygienic, but also very uncomfortable and you will cause more inconvenience because you keep a stall occupied for a very long time ... Covering can sometimes be a solution, but more often not and you will draw more attention then just doing it quickly ( I recommend only to breastfeed in public once you really have a good routine in it)
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As a woman i'll say if feeding mother was taking out her privates in public then man is NTA, if she was covering while feeding baby then guy is a douche. Look guys, if any woman would randomly whoop a breast out of her shirt at the table in the restaurant (without baby in the picture) people would start whispering and looking at, security would be escorting woman out etc. Now let's place a baby in a picture, suddenly it changing everything. It's amazing to fulfill your babies needs and it is natural. Feeding child in public anywhere person wants is great, just covering yourself would be appropriate. Piece of cloth is simple answer to finally finish with this feud. yep just throw a tomato at me.... :(
Please try eating your next meal with a blanket on your head. A mother prioritizing her child's physical comfort over a stangers hang ups does not make her an a**hole. Also many babies just won't tolerate a cover, they will refuse to latch, they will scream, they pull the cover off and wave it around, all in all drawing far more attention.
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Sure she has the right to breast feed. BUT she chose to sit down at his table and do something that made him uncomfortable--doesn't matter what it was that she was doing that was not ok. If she had sat down and started talking politics, or religion, or hitting on him then it would be perfectly reasonable to say "actually I've changed my mind, please go sit somewhere else after all" so breast feeding shouldn't be treated in any more special way. Can't have it both ways, if you want breastfeeding to be treated as something normal and no big deal then it has to have the same rules as everything else applied to it.
The place was full. Only one other seat left under the airco. Not a nice place to sit and especially not for a baby
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Urinating is also "natural" but it's not something you do in public! Keep your body covered. Breastfeed your baby in private.
Urine is a waste product, breastmilk is FOOD. There is no comparison.
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Maybe asking her to go away was extreme, but you do have to consider the fact that the woman could’ve just gone into a toilet or a stall. Where I come from, there are stalls just for breastfeeding, so maybe I’m just being a douche though. And now, cue the torrent of downvoters.
I wonder if he would have the same reaction if a woman in a low cut dress would sit down, showing more boob than the nursing one probably did? While nursing, you can’t even see the nipple or a big part of the breast because the kids head is covering most of it. You can literally see more boob in a VictSecr commercial. I understand why people feel uncomfortable, but keep it to yourself. Nothing is more natural to any mammal than breastfeeding. YTA.
I'm thinking he should have asked if the other breast was free. Then he would have shown how much of a modern man and how comfortable he is with breast feeding and if it would make her uncomfortable that is her problem and she could look away or change seat.
I used to breast feed my kids all the time in public, I would put them under my shirt or place a light blanket over us. It is so rediculous that people, and I know this is a lot in the US, can’t handle a baby eating how it’s supposed to eat. This guy was defiantly TA. Breast fed babies eat alot and there are seldom special nursing rooms to feed a baby even if you wanted to use one. If you don’t like it, don’t look. So simple.
She sat at his table. He got uncomfortable. Now he’s thinking about it. That doesn’t make him an asshole.
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Her baby her problem. He's not the asshole. No one should have to be extra considerate just because she chose to pop out a kid. Having kids does not make you special. A person with a child should be just as considerate as someone without one that is expected to.
hey guess what, we all take shits and pisses, is it okay to just do it wherever / whenever you feel like it?
This would be a relevant argument for not changing the baby's diaper in the cafe. I think we can all agree that EATING is an appropriate activity for a cafe. The fact that the person eating is an infant, eating in an age appropriate way does not suddenly make the act of eating in any way comparable to urinating or defecating.
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He should have moved, if I was sat there, I would have brought her a tea/coffee & a cake xx
Do you cover your head/face when your eating?
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Sounds like a selfish and ignorant mom. Suck it up, buttercup. Parenthood is going to eat you alive!
Why men always feel like women have to move or do someting to make them feel comfortable? If you have a problem with something, you move damn it. Why it is expected women always have to make effort to please men, . Assh*ole.
sorry, mommies, not NTA at all. It is not a valid argument, that kid needs to eat and it is natural. We all need to s**t as well, but still - of a mommy starts changing diaper near my table - I go, take nappy and throw it at her. Sorry no sorry. There are things we DO IN PRIVATE and popping out tits is one of those. And no, it is not sexual. It is not about sexualization, but about some things should be private because they are gross to watch at. Brestfeeding is one of those. Shitting as well. But also Stacey's in bikini tops at the restaurant, and old men with pants pretending shorts and many more. It is like throwing up at public - natural, so? no one has to see it even if you need it.
I'm not sure I understand your objection. You say it isn't about sexualisation, so that's not the problem. I can't understand why you compare it with changing a nappy at the table - breast milk is not s**t so why is it so gross? Popping out tits? Honestly I breastfed my two kids, often in public places and never popped out anything - you wouldn't have seen anything unless you'd been looking really, really closely.
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You are the asshole. You are supposed to be a grown up. Just turn around. She is not responsible to make you feel comfortable. She is feeding her baby for f***s sake. You have no right telling her anything. Who the f**k do you think you are?! Seriously. I am so tired of this. F**k off. All of you. Leave women alone. A f*****g child is what you are. Pathetic.
How come you are so familiar with "Penthouse Forum" that this is a standard reference point for you and writing style?
Load More Replies... What is it with men and female bodily functions? I remember buying tampons for my then girlfriend and these guys making a scene at the cash register. "Dude, you buy those things for your old lady?". I think I answered "Are you 5 years old or something?". I have always been puzzled by this attitude. Breastfeeding is as natural as things get. Sure, you don't want to stare and lick your lips, but at the very least be a grownup and either ignore it or ask if there is something you can do to help (in a busy bar if the mom is having trouble, get your mind out of the gutter). Folks, grow up.
Exactly, Marco. Well said. Grow the hell up you stupid little man boys. Women's bodies exist outside your need to sexualize them for your own gratification. It's pathetic.
Load More Replies... If I see someone breastfeeding in public, I probably won't think a thing about it. If someone asks to share my table where I'm eating, pops out a boob and begins breastfeeding 2 ft in front of me, I'm going to be taken aback a little. While I was sitting there, that was my personal space. I shared it (yes that became her space too at that point) but I'd be awfully surprised by it. I'd like to think I'd just shrug it off and go about the rest of my routine. I'd even like to think I might make some small talk with the lady. But honestly, if you catch someone by surprise, half the time their reaction may not be stellar, regardless of what the situation was.
There's literally no difference between the woman nursing her baby and the woman actually eating food herself at the table. You wouldn't be discomfited by the one, so why would you be by the other?
Load More Replies... The man was in a situation where he was uncomfortable. He apparently did not make a major scene and bowed to the inevitable. He is giving serious thought to the situation and everyone's reactions, including his own. He is not an a**hole, just a clueless guy caught off guard in a situation he was not prepared for.
Yea, I don't think he is an asshole. He handled the situation poorly, but it could have been worse. I don't understand why he felt uncomfortable tho, drink your coffee and continue focusing on whatever you were doing.
Load More Replies... It's rude to stare at other people when they're eating anyway, so he could have just kept his eyes to himself if it bothered him. Why should she move?
Because he was there first. I'm a woman and I'd be uncomfortable too. It was unexpected and most people aren't used to eating out and have someone plop their boob (or anything else) out right in front of them.
Load More Replies... Ok, Pro tip for people that don't like seeing/don't agree with/don't feel comfortable seeing a woman breastfeed and want to stop it! It happens so often it's almost like there is a constant stream of babies being born! But you're out and about, chilling at your favourite café, relaxing at a quiet bistro, having a break in the shopping mall, etc. You see a mother with her infant, it starts getting agitated maybe even crying... yep, the baby is hungry. So the mother whips out her breast and the baby latches on. Here's what you do... Once you establish what's happening... mind your own f*****g business.
In my opinion, asking her to move when he could have moved was the AH move.
Yes, but she asked to sit at his table beforehand, probably knowing what she was going to do. She should have taken the open table or let him know "can I sit here to breastfeed my baby" instead of surprising him in an awkward situation. I'm a woman and even that would surprise me after I willingly let her sit at my table.
Load More Replies... As a woman I couldn't care less if a woman wants to breastfeed her baby in my presence, it's perfectly normal and natural and that's what breasts were designed for. If I were in her situation I would probably turn to one side if possible so that I'm not intruding on anyone's space. I live in the UK and people have such a stupid attitude towards women breastfeeding their babies in public. What many people might not realise is when a baby gets hungry and starts fussing, the breastmilk starts flowing and it's very embarrassing for the mother as well as very uncomfortable if she's not able to feed her baby "on time".
I grew up in a giant family, saw a lot of breast feeding. The only time I have a problem is when someone makes a giant production out of it. My sister used to make a whole production out of breast feeding in public. Just because it isn't sexual to you doesn't mean everyone around you is going to be good with it, just a little courtesy goes a long way. Like taking off your shoes and socks on a plane. You'll do it for a bit to get a splinter out, but everyone knows your an ahole when you take them off and just leave it like that for ages and then prop them up on the seat in front of you. Having a baby does not excuse you from being courteous.
To me, it comes down to learning to deal with your own discomfort, as that is the real issue. The problem he had was his own, which seems to me to be a problem with perspective. Keep the perspective that this a person feeding her child, not something that is in any way sexual. View it as a possible uncomfortable situation for her and, even if it's not, that she is someone managing to meet a child's need. To accelerate getting his perspective changed, take it a step further by offering to grab napkins, her drink (if she hasn't got it yet), etc.. In other words, do for her what you would do if she (or another person) were doing something equivalent that has similar demands on her resources. By actively seeking to make her comfortable, you will make yourself comfortable with the situation as well. Instead of making her isolated and yourself feel uncomfortable, you are making the world a slightly better place and turning an internal negative into a positive. :-)
I am a breastfeeding mothers and if my son needs feeding and I'm with people I haven't feed Infront off before I simply ask "would you mind if I feed my son here?" No one has ever said no, I have been offered move comfortable places to feed but for me it allows the other individuals to not be caught of guard and left feeling awkward or not knowing what to do or wear to look. A little common courtesy doesn't harm.. In this situation the man probably would have just finished his coffee and left.
I get being a little taken aback about unexpected breast-feeding two feet away, but asking her to move makes YTA. She is doing nothing wrong. You are sexualising her. The appropriate response would be to ignore her; her breasts and her baby are not your business. If you can't, the next best thing would be to finish your drink and leave without comment. Failing that, to say "Oh, excuse me, let me give you some space." and take your-non-breastfeeding self to sit the table under the aircon. If you think it is less comfortable, imagine how much worse it would be for the cold-sensitive baby, and the woman with her breast partly exposed. Jackass.
Unpopular opinion, but I think while he could have reacted differently, he is not an asshole. This woman was sitting directly in front of him in a busy place. From what he writes, he tried not to look at her breasts, but then they were right in his view. I do understand why this might make him uncomfortable. I as a breastfeeding mother would also feel uncomfortable in this situation!
I'm having a hard time understanding what exactly is making people so uncomfortable about women breatfeeding in public. Is it really the mere sight of a bare boob? Is that really too much to handle? I really don't understand, I mean if you're worried the woman is going to think you're staring at her, then just don't look and focus on something else. It really shouldn't be that hard to focus on something to try and evade looking at something specific. I mean, I get that society made breasts sexually arousing and that at first you can be a little like 'ooop there it is!' but sheesh if I went bonkers every time I saw a guy's bulge through his pants I wouldn't be able to function normally.
Just because something is natural doesnt mean its meant to be done in public or that everyone is going to comfortable watching. Sex is natural (its how you make the baby in the first place, right?) so is peeing or being naked for that matter (we are born naked, arent we?). But we live in a society that have created rules be it written or just unwritten ones. And one of the rules is that public nudity between adults is usually not okay. Just as you dont wanna see a peeing person or people having sex, some people dont wanna see a breastfeeding person - just because it shows piece of the nudity. Even its natural.
Load More Replies... I'm a breastfeeding mom myself and have no problem breastfeeding in public. I, however, always try to do it discreetly and cover the top part of my breast. It has nothing to do with fear of sexualisation, but I don't feel comfortable showing all of my breast in public. So for me it has to do with modesty. If I see another breastfeeding mom showing all of her breast, I actually feel a little uncomfortable and look away. So if that was the case for the guy, I can understand why he might have felt uncomfortable, but I also think he handled it poorly.
exactly ! I am a woman and also feel uncomfortable when someone is just showing their boobs in the public. nothing sexual about it i just dont like looking at naked strangers. there are so many different ppl. why couldnt she just put a scarf over her breasts? no one would have noticed. the man is NTA, but still he shouldnt have asked her to move. she could at least have asked if he mind her breastfeeding and not shock him like that
Load More Replies... I hate the guy for his inability to use apostrophes correctly. His attitude about breast-feeding is downright primitive and back-assward.
Oh, how many times people have told me to cover up , or even leave. Even in the kiddies section of a public library. If a parent is allowed to give a baby a bottle in a location, same goes for nursing. Babys needs always comes before yours. I may not have shared a strangers table and nursed, but if she needed to she did the right choice, it is not our right to judge her reasons for it.
don't look at her. read your portfolio, drink your coffee and leave. This is why this country is in chaos as far as "correct" behavior opinions. Her feeding her infant is perfectly natural
I'm a woman, I've been breastfed for ages as a child, I'm totally pro breastfeeding. I too agree that the guy had mishandled the situation. He could have moved, for once, instead of asking her to move. He could have just sit there and look at his phone... So yes, i think he's in the wrong. But, even if we agree that boobs are not intrinsically sexual and their literal purpose is too feed a baby, we cannot deny that nowadays (and for centuries, I might add) breasts have also a sexual component. If a woman pops out a boob in a crowded cafe because she has an itch or something, we would frown, to say the least. A naked boob with a baby attached to it it's still a naked boob, it doesn't become an elbow. So yes, ok, the baby needed to be fed, perfectly normal. She could have covered herse with a cloth or a jacket; at least for the initial moment when you have to literally bare the breast. Then, when the baby's attached, she could taken it ut, the baby's head would cover most of it anyway.
I think the context of naked boob is important. Take Holocaust images - no one sexualized the nakedness. Emergency situation - no one cares of a breast is exposed while saving a person. Context. Breast-feeding should not have a sexual component. Ultimately, the society chooses what is appropriate or not- I think modern society is choosing breast-feeding as acceptable in public. With more time, I think it will be more widely normalized.
Load More Replies... We've all been in awkward situations and reacted in a manner that is inappropriate. That doesn't make us a$$holes, it means we are human. As long as we learn from it, it's ok. This man was just clearly in a situation he had never been before and was unsure of himself. He questioned himself and ask for thoughts on the situation to learn from it. I dont think a tongue lashing is what he needs. It's more the need for advise. I do think breastfeeding is a beautiful and a natural thing. It's more than a child's nourishment. It's a special bond between mother and child. But I won't say I wasn't a little off put the first time I saw it in public. I never said a thing but did feel a little weirded out for a short time. It's a learning experience for those who know little to nothing about it.
In the USA mothers are allowed to breastfeed anytime in any place where the mother is allowed to be.
People are such idiots on that subreddit anyway, yeah it was a little foolish but he was uncomfortable, just because something is natural doesn't automatically mean everyone is comfortable with it, he should've moved though and not asked her. But sheesh give the guy a break, he was playing it back in his mind and was man enough to question his decision.
I don't understand how seeing someone breastfeeding can make you uncomfortable -- that's the least sexual thing a breast can do, and you can literally just not look at it if it bothers you. And if for some reason you can't stop looking at it, then that's 100% your problem, don't make it her problem or her baby's problem.
I'm glad he seems willing to reconsider his behavior, and I am enormously grateful to see the comments trending toward he is in the wrong. Ten tears ago when I was breastfeeding my first newborn I'm afraid there would have been a lot more people on the wrong side. I really really hope that that mother he tried to make move has the confidence and experience to recognize that he was 100% in the wrong. Because if she was a new mother on one of her first outing with her baby that sort of interaction can be a humiliating confidence killer. Breastfeeding moms who don't feel comfortable feeding their babies in public can end up feeling stuck at home and isolated, because you never know when the baby will get hungry. Its painful and lonely and can significantly worsen post partum depression.
Unpopular opinion here ... but I think the assholes were the people giving him dirty looks. She's not in the wrong for needing to feed her baby, and he isn't in the wrong for feeling so uncomfortable. We're in a society that is still learning that breastfeeding in public is okay and not a sexual thing. We're going to run into discomfort from time to time. He was being polite about asking her to move (he WAS there first), he wasn't yelling at her or calling her names. And he only asked once before deciding to leave instead without making a big scene about it.
There are many things which are natural but are NOT done in public. I saw many mothers who had no choice but to breastfeed in public place, so they covered the breast with a light fabric. That's what I would do.
Yes, breastfeeding is natural. Whatever. Yes, the guy should have gotten up and moved, not expect her to. However, that being said, the vast majority of breastfeeding women I have seen bring a little light cotton square they drape over their shoulder and drape lightly over the baby. And yes..... I just read all about the babies who would fuss under one. Ok. They fuss under one, so I guess those moms can't. . Whatever. I'm just saying that is what I have generally encountered in public.
To be honest I would be uncomfortable as well and I am a woman. If she was sitting at another table minding her own business I wouldnt think a thing. But sitting right in front of him is a bit too much. Not everyone is used to that. If you were sitting at a park and a man sat right next to you and suddenly he got naked, sunbathing, would that also be just a "natural thing"? She could have asked if he doesn't mind (which is what most women I know do) or she could have used a thin piece of fabric to cover up. It's easy. I know breastfeeding is natural and all that but not everyone wants to see you naked, simple. I think both could have handled the situation better.
I’m a Mom and it has always made me uncomfortable to see someone breastfeeding in public. Nor do I buy into the arguments over how “natural” it is…blah-blah-blah. So are lots of things that we don’t do in public. Breastfeeding is a very private, personal act in most societies, so if you’re going out with your baby, for heavens sake, how hard is it to bring a bottle of expressed milk or duck into the ladies room for a bit?
Actually breastfeeding was never considered a "private personal act" in the overwhelming majority of human society until formula marketing in the early to mid 20th century told people it was something to be ashamed of. Up until then it was just part of normal life.
Load More Replies... Two things, you wouldn't just whip your breast out under normal circumstances right? So, with that being said, I would hope that if a woman is going to breastfeed in public, they know enough to put a blanket over their shoulder and over the baby! Use tact! TY!
Using that logic...if you have a broken leg why would you wear a cast because under normal circumstances you wouldn't right??
Load More Replies... I really don’t think he was an asshole. He asked very politely and didn’t make a huge scene.
In today's world, sadly, it's not the norm and not the norm makes people uncomfortable. I get it; baby cries and has to be feed but even as a woman, I too would have been taken aback. I don't think he's the a$$hole here and it was his space before she asked to sit down so why would he move? I think too many may have taken this personally but think about it seriously. What makes you uncomfortable that maybe should be the norm?
Somewhat strange to plop right there at this tiny table and whip out a boob, but at the same time he coulda moved. That being said if he got up and just moved to the other seat OR even said "im sorry, no offense but I am uncomfortable" and moved to the other seat.... people woulda STILL called him the asshole
Too much time and money is spent on sexualizing breasts. Every type of entertainment, every type of advertising. Is it a wonder men get uncomfortable when they actually see one in public? They are raised on it.
I have to disagree with just about everyone. People keeps saying "its natural" but so is intercourse and using the loo, how would you feel if people were doing those 'natural' things whilst you were eating?. I not saying do not do it in public if you wish to display your boobs, because that is what they are doing, just do not do it in other peoples faces, thank you
I don't think he's an AH. I think he just got caught off guard. I think it's because men are conditioned growing up to think of a breast as a sexual thing. That's it. Therefore they become uncomfortable when a woman's breast is used for its true purpose. Understandable if the man hasn't got sisters or had a wife who breastfeeds. However, I have to say that a baby's head covers more of a breast than a bikini top does. Does he feel uncomfortable sitting on a beach? Don't give the guy a hard time. Yes, breast feeding is a totally natural thing, but not every man has been raised on "natural." Also, if feeding mothers could do so, they could have a thin muslin or netted shawl to toss in front of her when feeding. That gives baby breathing space and causes less consternation in uneducated males.
I still don't get why some people are disturbed by a baby sucking titties........ I mean, I was curious about my aunt flopping her breast out to feed my cousin when i was 5 and wondering why everyone was ok with her flopping her breast out. As in "I didn't know that women were allowed to show their breasts" sort of curiosity. But otherwise, I don't see why any grown up would have a problem with it. lmao
Because you saw it for the first time at 5. A lot of people have still only seen it in pictures. In another generation it’ll be totally normal.
Load More Replies... Breasts have one biological function: to feed babies. Babies need to be fed. This is the easiest and most efficient and natural way of doing so. If you are unable to see a baby being fed without sexualizing the mother, then maybe you should stay the hell at home and stop polluting the world with you pathetic fratboy mentality.
Well you may say that but it is just not true. Breasts have been sexualized for centuries, they have been presented as a sign of sexual maturity, they have been pushed as a symbol of sexy women, they have been pointed out in thousands of adds and of course they play a huge part in porn. After generations and generations of young people being brought up with this in mind you cant just detele it all by saying "hey there is actually nothing sexual about breasts, they are for feeding only". Of course people do realize that in the end but it does not mean all of them will be totally fine with that. The feeling of awkwardness will arise in many.
Load More Replies... He had the opportunity to be the good guy. Maybe she wanted to sit at his table so he would be able to block everyone else' view of her? Women have it rough with feeding schedules. My wife was a hero when it came to taking care of our daughter. Honestly, he could have even engaged her in conversation to make her feel better. Just brief small talk while making eye contact. He said he had a portfolio with him, so maybe just keep reading? It's not as if you can actually see anything while most women nurse.
Just because he did not feel comfortable to see a breastfeeding woman does not mean that he is a bad guy. This woman could cover her breast. That's what I would do.
Load More Replies... The title makes it sound like she has a portable boob in her purse. And that's kinda funny.
Wow, why is it always the guy that has to move or give way. He was sitting there first she didn't give him a warning or anything. He isn't an asshole he didn't blow it out of portion or anything. He seemly asked if she would try to move when she said no he was even polite enough to finish his drink off fast and leave. The assholes are the ones trying to push there sense of right and wrong on others. He was by no way rude or an asshole.
I feel sorry for this guy, some people grow up not being taught the right things onto of that He was caught off guard, Also as a mom they have items to cover yourself while breast feeding in public so no one has to see your breasts, because like it or not it does make some people uncomfortable to see uncovered breasts, and if someone is feeling uncomfortable its best not to judge them. Its like if you were on a public train and someone was standing to close YES you have the right to ask them to move. A woman breast feeding in public is not a issue but turning a guy into a monster because he was honest and admitted to being uncomfortable is. The Man did nothing wrong, she should have asked for one if it was ok to breast feed next to him it was after all HIS table he was there first, women need to stop feeling so freaking entitled .
I think this must be more of an American thing (yes, I'm American). You generally don't read stories like this from other countries, especially Scandinavian.
Tits are made for feeding babies. Period. Some people need to GROW UP!
If he was a gentleman he could have movies to the other empty table. I dont like looking at it either but the logistics of unlatching the baby and moving all the stuff to another table.
The one nice thing about this is he was questioning his own awkwardness and his aversion to what happened, and that's a huge step towards awareness of others. I once worked at a target where a lady was harassed for sitting in the back corner of a Starbucks by herself and was nursing a baby WITH A BLANKET COVERING HERSELF. The biggest thing is taking steps to normalize breast feeding in public. America is a prudish place, a woman's body is over sexualized as it is, but feeding a baby is natural. I think she should have said something first just to make sure, but the biggest one for me is he asked her to move when he was more then capable of it himself, And then obviously got super uncomfortable and left. It shouldn't be an uncomfortable thing. We as a society need to step back from this sexualization and recognize that breastfeeding a baby is not a dirty thing, a sexual thing, unless we make it out to be in our minds. So I applaud him for recognizing why he felt like reaching out.
It is because the film- and advertising industry is sexualizing breasts. Men are sexualizing breasts. Don't deny it. When you guys see boobs you are just like whoooooooohhhh since you're 12 or something. You make movies where EVERYTIME there MUST be a scene where a woman shows a breast in a sexual matter, so you can have a hard one on it. And now you are uncomfortable when a lady is breastfeeding?? That's because you are pervs who have been sexualizing breasts for decades and now you cannot see them in another way anymore. So hit me with the downvotes, that only proves me right.
we are all different ppl with different backgrounds and culture. how about we respect each other. I am sure he would be fine if she covered herself. There are nudist who consider it natural to walk around naked but it is not legal anywhere but spaces reserved for it (nuda beaches) or your home. There are men who are unable to pee in front of other men even if it is considered natural in our society. We are all different and have different attitudes towards nudity. how about breastfeeding women stop taking all attention and just feed their babies. because now is it really about feeding the baby or calling for attention? i feel like in some cases it is the latter.
Load More Replies... You don't see the breast when a kid is breast feeding. Their head is bigger a lot of tops women wear out (not that I'm judging those, you do you). Maybe for a second if it's a difficult latch. Grow up or move.
I never understood what's the deal here? She is breastfeeding and he is drinking his coffee. What is making him so uncomfortable? It would not bother me one bit.
Take it easy on the guy. He noticed and didn't feel right . Plenty of people are uncomfortable seeing people breastfeeding . I'm not saying that's a problem for the moms , but maybe the people with the issues need to work on being more comfortable with the concept. I had my first child at 20. I was thinking about breastfeeding and honestly it just grossed me out and made me feel weird. I did breastfeed and it wasn't gross or weird. It's something I think a woman misses when that stage of her life is over. Boobs out is a rather current cause. I think some people just need extra time getting used to the idea .
The guy's reaction is the symptom of a much bigger problem involving ignorance, puritanism, repression, uber-sexualization.
No, Manuel, it's not. This guy does not sounds like ignorant puritan, and repressive. I don't know what uber-sexualization represents.
Load More Replies... Not only are you TA but damn you could've went above and beyond, this would've been a perfect time to show compassion. Let me get you a drink, what is your favorite beverage? Can you have caffeine while breast feeding? (I know docs don't recommend it but I also know I drank coffee while feeding, a little bit not like pots and pots of the stuff) Water, offer to dig in her diaper bag and assist her in covering up if she had a cover.... anything. Any small gesture other than weirding out. I'm so sick of people (not just men let me make this clear) freaking out over breast feeding. We don't have tits for decoration... they are 100% for this purpose. Then they're basically useless. They hurt every month. They sweat, bras are almost always uncomfortable unless you have buko bucks to spend on a great bra. Which 99% of us do not. People are ridiculous.
Oh this is ridiculous. He is a guy on his lunch break, not a personal therapist. The woman breastfeeding is not a victim here. If a nursing mom needs compassion while feeding her child in public, maybe she is not ready for that, yet. I breastfed my kids and if a strange man in a public place asked if I needed a drink or do I need him to dig through my diaper bag, that would be way over a healthy boundary line. Creepy. How about a compromise ? She throws a baby blanket over her shoulder for privacy and he minds his own business.
Load More Replies... this poor guy was uncomfortable and had every right to say something and most importantly, wasn't an ahole about it! Yes, breastfeeding is natural, but I CANNOT stand women who just whip out a boob in public and don't even try to be discrete about it. How hard is it to put a damn blanket over your titty if you need to breastfeed in public? Have some respect for the general public.
Do you want an actual answer. Exceptionally hard! Breastfeeding women don't show their breasts because they enjoy it. They put their own comfort aside for the comfort and well being of their babies. Putting a blanket over your BABY isn't fair to the baby and many babies will NOT tolerate it. Would you prefer to share a public space with a hungry screaming baby angry because someone keeps putting a blanket over their head, or risk seeing a bit of skin.
Load More Replies... I’m currently pregnant with my first and likely only child so I know this will come up at some point. I don’t really know proper etiquette as it seems everyone has their own preferences. Me personally though I’d rather cover up or go to a bathroom. I do realize it’s natural, but some people will stare no matter what and I really don’t feel like having to yell at people for staring I’d rather just go out of the way to avoid that. I can’t really call this guy a AH though bc him not being a woman and it was right in front of him I imagine he didn’t quite grasp what she’s going through. It’s hard to be empathetic sometimes if you personally haven’t experienced it and even me as a current non mom (although that’ll change in a few months) I can’t relate either. At least he asked her nicely. It could have been much worse.
Bathroom... It's not only unhygienic, but also very uncomfortable and you will cause more inconvenience because you keep a stall occupied for a very long time ... Covering can sometimes be a solution, but more often not and you will draw more attention then just doing it quickly ( I recommend only to breastfeed in public once you really have a good routine in it)
Load More Replies... As a woman i'll say if feeding mother was taking out her privates in public then man is NTA, if she was covering while feeding baby then guy is a douche. Look guys, if any woman would randomly whoop a breast out of her shirt at the table in the restaurant (without baby in the picture) people would start whispering and looking at, security would be escorting woman out etc. Now let's place a baby in a picture, suddenly it changing everything. It's amazing to fulfill your babies needs and it is natural. Feeding child in public anywhere person wants is great, just covering yourself would be appropriate. Piece of cloth is simple answer to finally finish with this feud. yep just throw a tomato at me.... :(
Please try eating your next meal with a blanket on your head. A mother prioritizing her child's physical comfort over a stangers hang ups does not make her an a**hole. Also many babies just won't tolerate a cover, they will refuse to latch, they will scream, they pull the cover off and wave it around, all in all drawing far more attention.
Load More Replies... Sure she has the right to breast feed. BUT she chose to sit down at his table and do something that made him uncomfortable--doesn't matter what it was that she was doing that was not ok. If she had sat down and started talking politics, or religion, or hitting on him then it would be perfectly reasonable to say "actually I've changed my mind, please go sit somewhere else after all" so breast feeding shouldn't be treated in any more special way. Can't have it both ways, if you want breastfeeding to be treated as something normal and no big deal then it has to have the same rules as everything else applied to it.
The place was full. Only one other seat left under the airco. Not a nice place to sit and especially not for a baby
Load More Replies... Urinating is also "natural" but it's not something you do in public! Keep your body covered. Breastfeed your baby in private.
Urine is a waste product, breastmilk is FOOD. There is no comparison.
Load More Replies... Maybe asking her to go away was extreme, but you do have to consider the fact that the woman could’ve just gone into a toilet or a stall. Where I come from, there are stalls just for breastfeeding, so maybe I’m just being a douche though. And now, cue the torrent of downvoters.
I wonder if he would have the same reaction if a woman in a low cut dress would sit down, showing more boob than the nursing one probably did? While nursing, you can’t even see the nipple or a big part of the breast because the kids head is covering most of it. You can literally see more boob in a VictSecr commercial. I understand why people feel uncomfortable, but keep it to yourself. Nothing is more natural to any mammal than breastfeeding. YTA.
I'm thinking he should have asked if the other breast was free. Then he would have shown how much of a modern man and how comfortable he is with breast feeding and if it would make her uncomfortable that is her problem and she could look away or change seat.
I used to breast feed my kids all the time in public, I would put them under my shirt or place a light blanket over us. It is so rediculous that people, and I know this is a lot in the US, can’t handle a baby eating how it’s supposed to eat. This guy was defiantly TA. Breast fed babies eat alot and there are seldom special nursing rooms to feed a baby even if you wanted to use one. If you don’t like it, don’t look. So simple.
She sat at his table. He got uncomfortable. Now he’s thinking about it. That doesn’t make him an asshole.
Load More Replies... Her baby her problem. He's not the asshole. No one should have to be extra considerate just because she chose to pop out a kid. Having kids does not make you special. A person with a child should be just as considerate as someone without one that is expected to.
hey guess what, we all take shits and pisses, is it okay to just do it wherever / whenever you feel like it?
This would be a relevant argument for not changing the baby's diaper in the cafe. I think we can all agree that EATING is an appropriate activity for a cafe. The fact that the person eating is an infant, eating in an age appropriate way does not suddenly make the act of eating in any way comparable to urinating or defecating.
Load More Replies... He should have moved, if I was sat there, I would have brought her a tea/coffee & a cake xx
Do you cover your head/face when your eating?
Load More Replies... Sounds like a selfish and ignorant mom. Suck it up, buttercup. Parenthood is going to eat you alive!
Why men always feel like women have to move or do someting to make them feel comfortable? If you have a problem with something, you move damn it. Why it is expected women always have to make effort to please men, . Assh*ole.
sorry, mommies, not NTA at all. It is not a valid argument, that kid needs to eat and it is natural. We all need to s**t as well, but still - of a mommy starts changing diaper near my table - I go, take nappy and throw it at her. Sorry no sorry. There are things we DO IN PRIVATE and popping out tits is one of those. And no, it is not sexual. It is not about sexualization, but about some things should be private because they are gross to watch at. Brestfeeding is one of those. Shitting as well. But also Stacey's in bikini tops at the restaurant, and old men with pants pretending shorts and many more. It is like throwing up at public - natural, so? no one has to see it even if you need it.
I'm not sure I understand your objection. You say it isn't about sexualisation, so that's not the problem. I can't understand why you compare it with changing a nappy at the table - breast milk is not s**t so why is it so gross? Popping out tits? Honestly I breastfed my two kids, often in public places and never popped out anything - you wouldn't have seen anything unless you'd been looking really, really closely.
Load More Replies... You are the asshole. You are supposed to be a grown up. Just turn around. She is not responsible to make you feel comfortable. She is feeding her baby for f***s sake. You have no right telling her anything. Who the f**k do you think you are?! Seriously. I am so tired of this. F**k off. All of you. Leave women alone. A f*****g child is what you are. Pathetic.
How come you are so familiar with "Penthouse Forum" that this is a standard reference point for you and writing style?
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