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35 First Dates So Disastrous They Came With Red Flags, Instant Regret And No Callback
First dates are, by design, a performance. Everyone shows up as the highlight reel version of themselves, and you put your best foot forward, saving the rest for later. Which makes it pretty spectacular when someone shows up to a first date and just... doesn't do that at all.
An online community recently asked people to share the worst red flags they ever encountered on a first date, and the answers are one shock after another. We're talking screaming at servers, ex-bashing, and just sheer audacity. Buckle up, because you are about to be traumatized.
More info: Reddit
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#1
We went to dinner then stopped at a cookie place for dessert for a first date. He asked for a peanut butter cookie and the worker asked “plain peanut butter or Reese’s?” He got angry and asked what the difference was and genuinely started raising his voice. Asking “why the f**k do you have two options that are the same thing” in an angry tone. I explained that one has chocolate while the other doesn’t. The cookies aren’t important, getting angry and aggressive at someone for simply doing their job is a huge red flag. There wasn’t a second date.
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#2
"So, like I'm happy you work and go to school and all, but I like believe women should make the home, so like if this starts to become serious, you are prolly gonna have to stop."
Say less.
#3
Invited girl on Tinder to meet at my place so we could walk our dogs together from there. I lived in a great location downtown at the time, and I figured if things went well… 😏
She shows up like 50 pounds heavier than her picture, looks older, and gives off crazy vibes.
I’m regretting the date, but make small talk to be polite. We start talking about basketball and the whether the 73-9 Warriors could beat the MJ Chicago Bulls.
I said the Bulls could win in their era and she started literally screaming at me “NO! NOOOO!” like a crazy person. Even her dog was looking at her like “W*F?!”
This conversation continued for several more minutes until she blatantly faked receiving a phone call, then said she had to go help her friend who was just in a serious car accident.
I played into the ruse by acting concerned, praised her for being such a good friend, breathed a sigh of relief as she walked out, locked my door, blocked her, and got drunk.
Relationship experts have actually studied why first dates go badly, and the number-one culprit might be surprising. According to psychologist Alexandra Solomon, curiosity is essentially nonexistent. In a world where you can Google someone's entire life history before the entrée arrives, people show up to first dates having already formed an opinion and probably already found an ick.
The other mistakes experts flag are, once you see them, impossible to unsee. Oversharing personal information. Fixating on whether chemistry is immediate rather than letting it develop naturally. And the big one, negatively discussing past relationships. "On a first date, people are attracted to daters who are positive, optimistic, and hopeful," said Dr. Terri Orbuch.
#4
Showed up drunk, bragged about f*****g his best friend’s fiancé behind his buddies back, but also was the victim of every terrible woman he’d ever met!
I turned him down kindly over text and then blocked him when he blew up my phone. Security at my work had to remove him, twice, over the next month.
#5
Ohhh I think I win this one!
She had told me she had a rough week when we were texting, and that she'd tell me more about it on our date
Date started out fine, little banter back and forth. Then I asked "oh so what's been going on this week?" She then tells me that her husband (who she hadn't mentioned before, but is separating from) was yelling at her all week because she is trying to get full custody of their kid (who she also had not mentioned before). And so to get back at him, she pretended to be gone so that her husband would come in and find her and be traumatized, but instead her kid was the one who found her. So now she's likely losing custody of the kid
We were about a half mile into a 5 mile hike. And THAT is why I do drinks/coffee as a first date from now on.
#6
There were a number of them, but by far the biggest and the most memorable was screaming at the server that, by God, he was going to bring her the tiramisu she ordered.
Tiramisu wasn't on the menu. Never had been. She was somehow convinced it was.
The numbers around first dates are genuinely fascinating and slightly anxiety-inducing. A third of people decide whether they want a second date within the first fifteen minutes, which means the window for making a good impression is roughly the same as a YouTube ad you can't skip.
A further 20% of daters rank punctuality as the most important trait for a first impression, 50% say a great smile is the most attractive physical feature, and 77% consider talking about an ex the single biggest conversation turn-off. Which, given the stories in this thread, suggests that a significant portion of people are actively ignoring that last one.
#7
Turned out when she said she was a psychologist she meant she had a bachelor's degree and worked as a grocery bagger, when she said she was single she meant she was married but don't worry he's in prison for a very long time from a violent offense so it isn't an issue, when she said she didn't have kids she meant she had two but her a*****e parents convinced the government to take custody away from her and when she said she was STD free she meant she just had herpes and nothing serious.
#8
"Have you ever taken a self-defense course? You look like you could be easily physically overpowered".
#9
She spent the entire dinner complaining about her "crazy" ex-boyfriend, only to reveal halfway through that they were actually still living together because "the market is tough."
It wasn't just a red flag; it was a whole carnival of red flags. I excused myself to "go to the bathroom," paid the full bill at the bar, and left through the side door. I’m all for being friends with exes, but living with the person you're currently trashing on a first date is a level of drama I wasn't prepared for.
So what actually makes a first date go well? Research shows that 81% of people prefer meaningful conversation over small talk, 68% value a date who shows genuine interest, and an overwhelming 94% respond positively to good body language. Maintain eye contact, ask real questions, and put your phone away. It is not that hard, honestly!
The two most consistent findings across these studies are authenticity and basic hygiene, which sounds like an extremely low bar until you scroll through this thread and realize that a significant number of people are not clearing it. Just be yourself. Shower first. Ask some questions. This has been your guide to first dates. You are welcome.
#10
Oh I have a few of these. I’ll go with my top 2.
One came over. I had to rent the movie that he picked out which was a C rated movie at best and sucked horribly. I had to pay for the pizza. Then he tried his level best to get me to have s*x with him. He “lost his glasses” in my bedroom and needed help finding them. (Turn on the light and you will find them.) When he finally left…I went to my bathroom where I promptly had to wait to pee bc…he had peed all over the bathroom. (I’m assuming out of anger I wouldn’t sleep with him.)
The second one was a guy who was divorced and talked incessantly about his divorce. Dude had to file for bankruptcy bc he spent more on the lawyer than they had in assets. Then when he filed for bankruptcy he argued (and won eventually) the right to keep his 15k motorcycle that he was still paying on plus his expensive truck he was still paying on. He complained how he had no money. He wasn’t happy with me when I asked him why he didn’t sell both the truck and motorcycle to get something cheap that he could pay cash for. If looks could k**l. No dude…you aren’t getting a second date bc I would never be able to trust you with money.
#11
Thought I got really lucky 1 night and she ended up back at my house on a first date. I came down the following morning and she was leaving with a cab waiting outside with my dog under her arm.
#12
We went to a party at his friend’s house and he pulled out his p***s to show his two piercings. I was appalled.
MeowZedong 4 hours ago
I always wondered why I guy would want to get a d**k piercing. I guess it's all just an excuse to whip out your p***s. In hindsight I overlooked the obvious.
At some point, first-date horror stories start being fully developed screenplay pitches. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days built an entire romantic comedy on the premise of deliberately sabotaging a date, and yet some of the stories in this thread make Kate Hudson's character look like a gem. Nobody in that film showed up already married and mentioned it casually over the starter like it was a fun fact.
The “running into an ex at the restaurant scenario” deserves its own cinematic universe entirely. There is a person in this thread who watched their date not only recognize an ex across the room, but get up, mid-date, and spend valuable time catching up with them while they sat alone with a bread basket and their dignity slowly evaporating. That’s enough to count as a villain origin story.
#13
When she got onto a hair pulling fist fight in the middle of the restaurant I took her to with another woman whose husband had cheated on her with my date. Yeah, that was the end of that.
#14
He refused to let me pay for my food which was nice of him. but then he demanded I kiss him and when I didn’t want to, he told me it wasn’t fair because he paid for my food. brother, i will zelle you the $12.
#15
She's older then she says and has a grandson who looks like you.
I know people will ask but in short I got catfished. But being an incredibly stupid and hunger college student I stayed for the most awkward date ever. Only for mid way through her grandson showed up at the restaurant to talk to her. Then once I noticed he looked like me I ran out faster then i ever have in my life. I am still disturbed and confused about it to this day.
The thing about red flags on a first date is that they are, in the most backhanded way possible, a gift. You didn't invest six months finding out this person screams at servers. You didn't waste a year discovering they're still technically married. You got the information in one evening, over a single meal, before you'd even decided if you liked their vibe. The universe was doing you an enormous favor with remarkable efficiency.
The research, the experts, and hundreds of comments all point to the same conclusion. A good first date isn't about being impressive. It's about being present, curious, reasonably punctual, and kind to the staff. That's genuinely the whole list. The bar is not high. So the next time you sit down across from someone new, just remember, you are already ahead of everyone in this article. That is not nothing.
#16
They showed up drunk, trash-talked every ex they’ve ever had, and somehow still thought they were the victim in every story.
I finished my drink and never saw them again.
#17
Asked the waiter to snap our pic then posted "finally found the one" before the apps came. unhinged.
#18
I went on a date with a guy who I had met a few times before. At one point we decided to go hang back at his house, and he drove me. The car was covered in garbage, I'm talking I was literally sitting knees to chest in the passenger seat because there was so much trash on the ground.
We went back to his house and he decided this was a good time to clean the litter box. By "cleaning", he picked up the box, opened the door to his back porch and just...dumping the contents of the little box on the porch. It was winter and the entire back porch was just snow, litter, and p**p.
Then he kissed me goodbye as I was trying to leave, and texted me the next day "you kiss like bees pollinate flowers". Bruh what?
#19
His ex girlfriend showed up at the same restaurant that we did and I when I got up to go to the restroom I came back and he wasn’t at the table. I caught him over in the next room at the bar talking to her. I just got my stuff and called for an Uber. Crazy….
#20
I mean, probably when they start trashing all their exes, I refuse to believe every other person you dated was evil lol.
#21
He showed up in a mesh top. I could see his hairy chest.
#22
She answered the door in bra and panties then had her toddler behind a gated door crying his eyes out.
#23
I worked as a tutor at a technical college. Really fancied one of the older tutors. My friends and I labelled him the Silver Fox. He was really cool, lots of fun to chat to in the staff room and eventually I plucked up the courage to ask him on a date .
Sat at the table with our drinks and initially all was going ok, then he just got ridiculously drunk and he tells me a "funny" story about how he's the person behind the food going missing from the fridge in the communal kitchen. If he sees something he likes, he just helps himself.
I was absolutely disgusted. The fridge was used by students, most of whom were from disadvantaged backgrounds. There had been emails sent around and posters put up and people were rightly pissed off about their food going missing.
After the date, his admission and his general sloppy behaviour I totally went off him . I did report him to HR though and he got suspended!
#24
She had a boyfriend and a kid (was totally unaware of both), she also brought her friend on our date who was 100% flirting with me the entire time. Never wanted to leave a date faster.
#27
Told me he hated cats and that he referred to all cats as girls and all dogs as good boys.
#28
Not me, but a buddy had a date answer her phone cause her mom was calling. Not the worst ever, but she then said that she and her mom were gonna do m**h and did he want to join?
#29
They made a comment about how their mom would not like my instagram. Bro what? I do not have an OF instagram, just some beach photos here and there - they knew how my insta looked like, why did they even go out with me.
#30
He shushed me and went on about his parents’ love story and it was literally his dad stalked and harassed his mom until she was like okay fine.
#31
Drinking issues, only talking about themselves a lot, and blaming all problems on their exes.
#32
He was a member of the most ultra right party in my country.. My profile literally shows that I'm a leftie. Met me because he thought he could convince me. A lot of mansplaining, but the right wing version.
#33
I was way more attracted to his incredibly hot father. And they both read me in an instant.
#35
This was the second time I'd met the guy. First time was at a bar with my friends and he asked me on a date.
I met up with him on the subway/tube and he admitted to me that he had lied to me about his age. He wasn't 21 like he had told me but actually 26. I didn't really mind so I shrugged it off.
He then told me that he always bought all his underground tickets with cash and never with a bank card or travel card (oyster card) as he didn't like people surveiling him and monitoring his movements. This freaked me out a lot more and made me more uncomfortable.
I should have left then. But I was a naive 21 year old and instead of putting an end to the date I just went with it.
He took me to a bar and we shared two bottles of wine. I was blind drunk and he took me back to my place. He proceeded to have intimate relations with me, unprotected.
He left in the morning, I was semi conscious but I just pretended to be still asleep. He messaged me to see how I was and when I told him I didn't really remember the night before he ghosted me. The next couple of years though on the anniversary of 'the date' he texted me just a simple apology 'sorry for what I did to you', which really really creeped me out.
Another thing that stings is that afterwards I realized he probably lied to me about his name as well... Not many Indian guys are going to be called Michael...
#36
Not even a proper date. I was about 19/20 and was out with friend. We got talking to a group of women around our age. I got on really well with one and we spent the rest of the evening talking and generally having a laugh. At the end of the night I offered to walk her home; on the way she let slip that she wasn't 21, she was closer to 30. That didn't bother me, I wasn't looking for a relationship, I was just walking her home. We got to her house, she asked me in for a nightcap. In we went, she poured a drink and said she needed to go upstairs for a minute. So I was sat on the sofa and a few minutes later I heard 'Tada!' I turned to look and she was stood in the doorway in a full WEDDING DRESS, veil and all. Before I could speak she said 'I just wanted you to see how I'll look on our wedding day!' Yeah, thanks for the drink, lovely evening, gotta go, I've got work in the morning.
#37
Takes me on a double date with a friend - and the friend 's girlfriend, who he openly lusted for in front of both of us. His friend and I shared an Uber home.
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