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911 Calls During Which Dispatchers Could Barely Stop Themselves From Laughing (35 Moments)
Usually, a call to an emergency number such as 911 or 112 is a serious thing. Yet, sometimes, the situations people call for can sound quite funny when said out loud. Or be funny themselves. After all, people are interesting beings who tend to get into some odd and funny situations. This list contains various stories of fun-sounding emergency calls shared by dispatchers in a viral Reddit thread.
More info: Reddit
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#1
Woman called to report seeing a shark in the ocean.
Yes, ma'am. That is where we keep them.
glowworm2 1 year ago
"Call us back if they do anything out of the ordinary like selling d***s to underaged minors."
Sa Ruuu 1 year ago
If the shark is near a beach, then yeah? It's important to evacuate the beach so no one is near the shark?? I don't understand this one
Tucker Cahooter 1 year ago
I totally agree with you. If I was walking along an unpatrolled beach and spotted a tiger shark lurking in the shallows I would ring the emergency number (000 here in Oz) so that the police can take steps to close the beach. Shark attacks all too common here.
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Lo Kindred 1 year ago
I get call all the time for people that see alligators. I ask, "Where did you see them, in someone's yard?" No....they are in the bayou. Ma'am, that's their house.
Terry Tobias 1 year ago
I will now always think of the bayou as "the alligators house". 😄
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ॐBoyGanesh 1 year ago
Ocean sharks are so much tougher than land sharks or sky sharks. Still, nowhere near as dangerous & frightening as lake sharks.
SleepyBunny 1 year ago
same energy as "Shark Infested Waters". Like.... Ma'am that's where they're supposed to be... WERE the ones infesting their waters
Cosmikid 1 year ago
"And which ocean was that, ma'am? There are at least 5. And; where were you at the time? I hope you weren't trying to take selfies with the shark, we frown on that you know."
That tiny x on the pop up add 1 year ago (edited)
I think you want an exterminator for that one. (sharks are already hunted when they shouldn't be, this is a joke)
RELATED:
#2
A guy calls from a payphone to complain that he has a pipe wrench stuck up his butt and he needed an ambulance. He gave his location as the corner where the payphone was located. I asked him if he could tell me his appearance so I could be sure the medics could find him. His response, "look dude, I'll be the only guy on the corner with a pipe wrench in his butt." I couldn't argue with that...
Reviewer UK01 1 year ago
And if there's another guy on the corner with a pipe wrench stuck in his butt, he likely needs help too...
Tamra 1 year ago
A pipe wrench. Really. I mean, there are any number of things one can purchase just for that purpose, but this guy chooses a pipe wrench?
Surenu 1 year ago
The bourgeoisie has monopolized these implements to wrestle away butt stuff from the working class.
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The Original Bruno 1 year ago
You'd THINK he's be the only guy with a pipe wrench up his butt, but you can never truly be confident that he's not at some sort of convention for people with pipe wrenches up their butts. "Just to clarify: I am NOT in Congress."
Lester the Space Duck 1 year ago
Pipe wrenches are useful. Congress has just about anything that isn't useful crammed up their butts.
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Brian Droste 1 year ago
How long ago was this? The story mentioned a payphone. Here in the US, we haven't had paynphones for what over 20years.
Keith Handly (Ike) 1 year ago
I was wondering how many miles he had to wander with it stuck like that in order to find one.
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#3
I was the caller. My deck had a couple unsafe spots. Normally I avoided them just fine, but on this night, it had snowed. I stepped outside for just a minute, because snow is very rare here. In doing so, I forgot about the unsafe spots. I stepped on one, and my leg dropped through.
As I fell, the boards on either side of my leg bent, but then retracted. The hole was smaller than my knee now. I couldn’t get out.
My girlfriend got me a coat to sit on, because my butt was already starting to get cold, and we called 911. Fortunately, I live so close to the fire department, they were there in less than 3 minutes. I live so close, had I Wilhelm screamed as I fell, they’d have likely heard me and arrived even faster.
But four super strong firemen couldn’t pull me out either, and I will add to that, that I think the first half of this sentence would be fairly humorous out of context. Anyway, one of them went to get a chainsaw out of the fire truck, and while we waited, I started singing “The Pit” from Parks and Rec, and they all joined in with me, and we had a good laugh about my situation.
Other than having a sore, purple leg for a few days, I was fine. I bought them all coffee a few days later. Super fun guys. 10/10. Would definitely be rescued by them again.
Cosmikid 1 year ago
Not really a fun experience! I've put my leg through a deck too. You did great, and thanks for the Wilhelm scream; I was unfamiliar. :-)
Arnold Larkins 1 year ago
"Super fun guys. 10/10. Would definitely b e rescued by them again" Ok, lets try that out *Jumps off building*
Jaybird3939 1 year ago
I automatically thought of Tom Hanks in that scene in the "Money Pit". He gets stuck in the floor. After a few hours, he wakes up and the first thing he says is, "I see Care Bears"! No one ever gets it when I use that line, but I crack myself up, so that's good enough.
Charity Angel 1 year ago
I did something similar on the boating steps at uni. They had rotten sections in them, but getting the funds to repair/replace them was impossible. Me and my terrible luck slipped and ended up with one foot in the Clyde. Fortunately I could extract myself, and had minimal damage. Still got a good down to make sure I didn't get any nasties. (Found out why a few months later, when I decided to take an impromptu bath in the river. Didn't breathe any water in or swallow any - literally just traces, but I was so ill. 0/10 do not recommend cryptosporidium infection)
As you might already know, 911 is an emergency telephone number. This exact number is used in several places:
- Argentina;
- Canada;
- Dominican Republic;
- Jordan;
- Mexico;
- Palau;
- Panama;
- the Philippines;
- Sint Maarten;
- the United States;
- Uruguay.
It also is a part of the North American Numbering Plan (NANP), which is historically known as World Zone 1, as an N11 code. It’s a three-digit dialing code used in abbreviated dialing in the said plan. This kind of dialing code provides access to special local services, for example, 211 (community services and information) and probably best known (at least for countries outside of the US) 911 (emergency services).
#4
When I was a 911 calltaker I got a call from a gentleman reporting an issue with his toilet. For whatever reason it was a bit hard for me to understand exactly what the problem was, except that it definitely involved his toilet. After a little while, I determined to the best of my ability that the toilet was overflowing and he didn't know what to do. Although plumbing issues are absolutely not an appropriate reason for calling 911, it wasn't unheard of. To a certain extent I can understand the thought process and people have certainly called 911 for less.
After a bit more talking, however, I realized that he had not called about a plumbing issue. You see, it wasn't water that was coming out of his toilet, but demons. The demons were spilling out of his toilet and he needed help. I put in a complaint for the police (I know, cops for a mental health issue is not idea, but it's the only thing we had) and kept him on the phone as he was fairly distressed. Unfortunately, it was a busy evening and the cops wouldn't be able to get to him for a few minutes. As such, I asked if he could close the toilet lid. He said he could and he did. Did this stop the demons from coming out of his toilet? It did! This made him much more calm and I was able to release the call. Can't remember what ended up happening with him. I'd guess he was taken to the local ER that had a psychiatric crisis center voluntarily. But it stands out as the time I solved a caller's toilet demon problem with a very straight-forward solution.
Cosmikid 1 year ago (edited)
Outstanding "Try" for the OP!! Your Common Sense IQ has to be around 130!! That should give you Warm Fuzzies, well deserved, all your life. Cops for mental health issues are USUALLY the only option- and they are really not trained for it. Ask a shrink.
Marnie 1 year ago (edited)
Neither are the shrinks always trained for it. I voluntarily went to the ER in extreme distress 3 or so days after having been badly beaten by my boyfriend. (Broken bone, too many bruises to count, badly injured back that the ER doc had written 2 days before as "excruciating pain".) I didn't know what would happen when I arrived. More than anything, I felt an urgent need to tell someone the story. So, they get someone to talk to me. She never said what the expectation was, how much time she had, or anything like that. (I'm autistic as it turns out, and I was incapable and am still incapable of guessing "how things work".) So, as I'm going along telling my story, she breaks in and says, very curtly, "Hurry it along. I have other people to see." So, I try to wrap it up. And she gets up and says, "You really need to do some work to resolve your ambivalent feelings towards men." And she leaves. She did me permanent harm. Some shrinks also are not trained for it.
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Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 1 year ago
Seriously, though, if you thought there were demons coming out of your toilet, emergency is actually a fairly reasonable response.
DefinitelyNotTheDuolingoOwl 1 year ago
Honestly, that's the best thing they could have done in that scenario. Sometimes, when someone's not in their right mind, you just have to meet them where they are.
Jp@nda 1 year ago
Yes. This is the first reasonable comment, thank you. For mental health first aid situations use the acronym ALGEE. it's Approach,Assess risk, Assist, Listen non judgementally, Give reassurance, Encourage professional help, Encourage self help. Obviously if you've been trained to do this, but the steps are there as a guideline and don't have to be in order. People just want to be heard
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Psychopathic Shark 1 year ago
I'm a call handler at a mental health crisis calls centre a lot of our calls "challenging" 2 nights a go we had a call from a guy who stated that he had a really serious issue going on and it was making him feeling like ending his life. When asking him what this issue was he informed me that he was at KFC and everyone in front of him had been served an Aero milkshake however when he got to the counter they had told him they had run out and that it wasn't right that everyone else had, had one and he couldn't understand why when telling the server that if he did not get him a Aero milkshake he would end his life and she still didn't get him one. He had called ourselves to ask how we could assist him in getting his milkshake
The Redhead 1 year ago
Good thinking. A few years ago I was living in an apartment complex.i was woken up one morning by terrified screams for help. I called 911 because clearly someone needed help. I go over to the building (it was two buildings from mine). This woman on her second floor balcony was saying she had been assaulted needed medical assistance & said she was unable to leave. It was obvious that whatever was going on it was in her head, whether it was a mental issue or d**g induced; but that doesn't matter. Fire & rescue were close you could see them about to turn in into the complex. The dispatcher asked if I felt it was in her head I said yes. The dispatcher then called fire & rescue off & said she'd send the police. This poor woman watched them turn around & leave while screaming begging for help. She then said I was in on it and referred to me as Violent. Eventually I went back to my apartment there was nothing I could do. Don't know if the poice ever came. Made me sad, she needed help.
Heather Atwood 1 year ago
Here in my city, we have a CORE team that comes with the cops if it's likely a mental health issue. The team includes a counselor/social worker and an EMT. This should be standard.
Flora Porter 1 year ago
Not necessarily psychosis. I've know ln plenty of devout Christians, especially from charismatic and evangelical churches, who say they see them because it's part of their belief system.
Justin Tyme 1 year ago
Sending police to a mental health crisis - that is a good way to get someone killed.
My O My 1 year ago
Police doesn't just randomly kill people! (Everywhere)
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#5
Not 911 but worked for animal control dispatch in a tourist town during my senior year in HS. Got a call from a lady that had called 911 previously and was told to call our number. Picked up the phone to what sounded like a whole car of very panicked people all yelling at once. After asking what was wrong several times I finally heard someone yell "a deer! There's a deer in somebody's yard, yall gotta come pick it up!" Thinking it was a dead deer/road kill I said an animal control officer would come pick up the body soon. And a kid in the background starts bawling saying the officer was gonna kill it! So I paused for a second and asked is the deer alive? What is it doing? Someone far away from the phone yelled "its just sitting there in the yard! So I said "Yeah this is Texas. He lives there. Just don't touch him or get too close and y'all will be ok." Literally not even 5 minutes later we got a call from another tourist about a deer chasing a family after they tried to take a selfie with it.... To this say I'm still not sure if it was the same family, but wow. I hope it was.
Cosmikid 1 year ago
Missing from the conversation is "what season is this?" - Spring; "lost" fawn? Just leave them alone, and they'll go home; Autumn "deer chasing us" - rarely a buck in rut will get focused on a human- and yes, they can kill you.
Two_rolling_black_eyes 1 year ago
I had a colleague in college who got a summer job as a park ranger for Adirondack Park in upper New York. 4th of July weekend and his campsite was full of people up from New York City. He was giving the nightly slide show of the wildlife in the area and how to act around it. Someone replaced the picture of a moose with a cow. He didn't notice it and told the campers if they saw a moose near the road, please call 911. Due to their large size because they can cause massive damage to a car if hit so a ranger could be dispatched to get it away from the roads. They got over 100 calls of people saying they saw a moose the next day and every one of them turned out to be a cow.
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 1 year ago
This is both hilarious and terrifying.
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Mandy Shelden 1 year ago
I spent a year dispatching for Animal Control after college, and my two favorite stories were about a "baby cow" running loose in a city park that turned out to be a Harlequin Great Dane and a potential animal-cruelty case in which a goose in the yard next to the caller hadn't moved in days and never had food or water put out...the responding officer got there and shortly reported on the two-way radio, "Base, that was a *statue* of a goose."
Frank Newton 1 year ago
It's.......Texas. OF COURSE it was the same family (even if they were tourists).
XanthippeⓐWulf🇨🇦️️🇬🇧 1 year ago
Yes, but they mentioned Texas because that's where they are and deer are prolific as balls here. I'm used to the Canadian wildlife but we have so many deer where we live now, they're like pigeons. There's currently a herd of about 7 deer meandering about our front yard as I type this and I can see 4 in the woods next door.
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Not an operator but one time I went to a local library to do work as my home was filled with loud guests. I’m there for a couple hours and I saw I had 25 mins left. So I packed all my stuff up and brought it to the bathroom so I could take a s**t, not leave my stuff unattended and the immediately just leave.
Y’all they locked me in.
The librarians thought I left. The whole place was empty and dark. I walked right out the front door, which was locked, and triggered the alarm. Now not to throw race into into it but I’m a big Latino man in a very very white and upper class part of my state. So there was a real sense of fear I had lol. I didn’t want to be caught driving away from this scene in case any Karens were peeping out their windows.
I had to call the cops on myself and explain that I got locked in the library while taking a s**t and the operator is dying. Cops show up and one of them goes, so you like breaking in and taking s**ts huh? I went white as a ghost and started immediately bumbling my words. They brought the whole department out because they thought it was the funniest s**t. Thankfully they were cool and just laughed at my dumba*s.
Cosmikid 1 year ago
Your posterior is NOT dumb; you handled it brilliantly, and your fears, sadly, were not misplaced. Great the cops were laughing- and hope you were too.
PFD 1 year ago
This should be a really funny story. It isn't. No one should have to be scared of being killed by police - let alone for getting locked in a damn library.
Ken Beattie 1 year ago
Actually, I'd say it's natural to be scared about being locked in a building regardless of skin colour. It's an unnatural situation to be in. And it seems likely his fear was being arrested not killed. If he was afraid of being killed he'd probably have fled without calling the cops.
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Kikikaboom 1 year ago
It's nightly practice at the libraries I've worked at to check the bathrooms at closing, and make sure everyone is out of the building. Clearly they need to update their closing procedures, lol.
Chewie Baron 1 year ago
I got locked in a library once! It was a Saturday and I was sitting in a corner reading books. I was so quiet they didn’t bother checking where I was as I was lost in my book! Called 999 (what we use in the UK) and I was let out after a few hours.
Mary Ballard-Johansson 1 year ago
Once when I was a cop in a small southern town, we got a snow "storm". We almost never got snow, so everyone went into extreme panic mode. The library staff shut down and left so quickly, they locked a man in. He of course set off the alarm when he came out of the bathroom.
Great Britain was the first country to establish an emergency telephone number in 1937: 999 or 112. The United States got its emergency number in 1968. The exact number of 911 was chosen based on cost factors, as telephone company equipment could be modified to accept the number, and it was easy to remember.
The very first time 911 was used was back in February of 1968 in Haleyville, Alabama. In fact, this call, in a way, kind of fits today’s topic: fun 911 calls. It wasn’t used for an emergency but for a show by the Alabama speaker placing the call to give the Alabama Telephone Company bragging rights as the first telephone service provider to implement the new system.
#7
Not the operator but told by an operator friend of mine:
Woman calls up to allege that her car has been sexually soiled by a car washer.
She had left her car with a valet service while she was shopping, picked it up and drove it home before she noticed a white mark on her passenger seat. She’s convinced it was spunk, so she calls the police to report it.
Operator asked if she had complained to the company, which she had. They had advised her that the soap they use for fabrics sometimes leaves a mark when it dries and if she just gives it a quick rub, it will go.
She then tells the operator that she knows the company is lying because she put her finger on it and then tasted it, and it was definitely spunk and she “knows very well what spunk tastes like.”
Somehow the operator convinced her to complain further to the valeting company and ended the call before falling off his chair laughing.
Rebelliousslug 1 year ago
But have you tasted the car washing places soap? So you can’t be sure they don’t taste very similar?
glowworm2 1 year ago
Reminds me of that stupid joke with the penguin bringing his car to be checked on and he goes off to get some ice cream. A little later he checks back and is told that it looks like he blew a seal. “No, I just had some ice cream.” 🤣It took me years to understand that one.
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Scott Wilkins 1 year ago
Former law enforcement: I have NOT ONCE cut open a suspicious package and tasted the residue on my knife blade. That's what the lab's for...
Some guy 1 year ago
I remember an old "Police Squad!" episode, where the cops kept tasting the contents just to be sure -- dissolve to the cops partying, stoned out of their minds.
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Saltypepper 2 days ago
SHE,,,,,TASTED,,,,IT,,,,,,GOOD LORD WHY,they hell would anyone in their right mind oh wait nevermind,
#8
My mom was a 911 operator in the SF Bay area in the 80s and 90s. I asked her to tell me a story to pass along, so here it is:
I got a 911 call and I couldn't understand the caller. He was slurring his words. I knew he was calling from a bar so I asked if he'd been drinking and after asking many times of asking, I was able to determine that he wanted the police, not an ambulance. He wanted to file assault charges because a woman pulled his tongue. I asked, "how was she able to pull your tongue?" and he said, "because I stuck it out at her." I had to keep muting the call because I was laughing so hard.
Apparently my supervisor went on to play this call in seminars for years and always got a ton of laughter.
Brian Droste 1 year ago (edited)
Tongues ĥave saliva on them. To me they would be hard to grab. Even if you were to get a hold of it, you wouldn't be able to pull very hard anyways. Your fingers would slide off.
Auntriarch 1 year ago
Yeah, I recommend grabbing it with your fingernails
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Karen Klinck Klinck 1 year ago
911 all over the country has what some refer to as a 'party tape' with all their best (funniest) callson it. My housemate was a 911 operator for years.
Charity Angel 1 year ago
My first thought here is the supervisor, at those seminars, praising the call handler for being professional and not laughing at the caller, because it wouldn't be on the recording.
#9
My kid worked for animal control, we are eating dinner and 911 dispatch calls him. Some panicked lady had called 911 about an owl in a tree that couldn’t fly. It had been sitting in the tree for a half hour not moving. Of course it was just before dusk and the owl was just waiting for dark so it could go hunt for dinner. Then there was the call about the one legged duck at the park...
Edit to add: he actually went to the park to make sure the duck wasn’t injured but realized after 15 minutes how silly he looked chasing after this one legged duck that was outrunning him.
glowworm2 1 year ago
Later, police got calls from the owl complaining about this weird lady freaking out about him not moving.
Cosmikid 1 year ago (edited)
Yeah! Owls and Ducks reporting Karens! Now that would be Progress!
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John Nelson 1 year ago
Former dispatcher in AZ. One day I got a call from a panicked lady telling me that there's a coyote chasing a roadrunner in her back yard! I couldn't resist. (Sending animal control over) "Help is on the way ma'am, does the coyote have any ACME products? She replied "Yeah, I just realized how that sounds. And started laughing and thanked me for helping her calm down. Animal control's report stated that on arrival, the animals were gone, and no explosives or contraptions were found on the property. My Sgt thought it was hilarious, but the patrol Sgt was not amused. I guess he didn't watch cartoons growing up. :)
Brian Droste 1 year ago
That is hilarious. Started laughing as soon as I read about the acme products.
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Parmeisan 1 year ago
I am trying and failing to picture the scene of a one-legged duck outrunning a human for a solid 15 minutes
Charity Angel 1 year ago
The duck was clearly doing all right, at least. You might find it could get just enough air under its wings to... not fly exactly, but maybe glide between hops?
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Of course, 911 isn’t used in all the countries in the world. Another common number is 112, which is commonly available in many European Union and European countries, some Asian and African countries, and in the Australian region.
Prank calls to emergency numbers aren't a rare thing. Yet, it should be noted that, in some cases, making a false call to such a number can land a person in quite serious legal trouble.
For example, in California, it’s illegal to make a fake 911 call, and a person who does it can end up with a punishment of something like one year in county jail or a $1,000 fine, depending on how severe the consequences of a false report are.
But not all funny calls are false. Just take a look at our list. Sometimes, the situations are just funny. And while maybe they're scary enough for the people involved to be calling an emergency number, they make for a funny story later on, especially for dispatchers.
Do you know any fun stories related to emergency calls? Don't shy away from sharing them in the comments!
#10
A young kid called and asked to talk to the fire trucks. It was pretty late at night so I told him the firetrucks were already sleeping and asked him to put a parent on the phone.
Another time, the caller said "is this the krust krab?". Reflex kicked in, and I replied "no, this is Patrick" before I even realized what had happened.
Jaya 1 year ago
"Sorry mommy who is stuck in a burning room yelling for me to call 911, they said the firetrucks are already asleep" /j
Alicia M 1 year ago
My (very young at the time) son called 911 from my cell phone while it was charging in a different room, then brought me the phone and said "a daddy" ( his word for an adult man 😂) wanted to talk to me. I picked up the phone and we had a good laugh. I guess little kids calling 911 is pretty common.
Wingsofwrath 1 year ago
Especially since any phone, even locked and without a sim will still be able to dial emergency numbers and 911 (or the regional equivalent, here in Europe it's 112 and in the UK it's 999) is the one phone number even a kid will know.
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Richard Nichols 1 year ago (edited)
It seems unlikely even a young kid would be under the misimpression that you could talk to motor vehicles just on his own. I figure he was probably misled by cartoons or movies depicting animated firetrucks and such. People who make such things should take such things into consideration.. it gives young kids a totally false understanding of the nature of things.
#11
Ok ex-911 dispatcher/EMT-I here, so while on light duty due to injury working rescue calls I was trained to do 911 call intakes in Florida and worked midnight shifts (always the craziest type of calls) I receive a call from a hysterical teenage boy. After getting him to calm down he tells me that his friend has been swallowed up by a tube monster. (??) So I asked him where this tube monster is at? Are you there with the tube monster right now? He says yes he can hear his friend, but he is trapped. After finally being able to get the location of the caller (this is in the '90s) Units are called to the scene - police, fire, and ambulance. Now I have been on the phone for over 20 mins with this young man and had him stay on the phone until help arrived. Then he says, "Man my dad's gonna [end] me". I asked him why? He says 'cause I promised him I wouldn't drop acid anymore, and we've been trippin' all night. So I had to get on the radio and advise crews coming in of the current mental status of both caller and victim. When crews arrived they found the teen at the bottom of a hill stuck inside of an actual plastic tube they had been climbing inside of and rolling each other down said hill while tripping. The teen had to be extricated. The other teen was found by the payphone awaiting dad's wrath.
Wingsofwrath 1 year ago
Pretty much. Read "Florida" and my mind immediately went "this is going to be good", and the story absolutely did not dissapoint.
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Deborah B 1 year ago
I have to say rolling yourself down a hill in a plastic tube sounds like something we would absolutely have done as kids, if the opportunity arrose.
KillerKiwi 1 year ago
My sisters and I rolled down our drive way in a big blue plastic barrel. ( with helmets of course) It was great fun
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Deann Markland 1 year ago
Probably central Florida somewhere. I took a road trip to the Ocala area and they have very big hills there.
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Meaghan Stewart 1 year ago
Oh my god I once got stuck in one of those ridges tubes. Heels got stuck in one ridge, my knees another, and I was literally crying so hard and the camp counsellors had to use grease to get my dumb butt out of there. I was so traumatized but I’m mostly just embarrassed now. xD
#12
I remember a story about these kids that bought 20 pounds of weed in one state and tried to take it back home. They got too high and thought they were being followed by cops as they saw a bunch on the journey back. They pulled over called dispatch and told them where they were and that they were going to wait for the cops to come arrest them for bringing weed across state lines. Police had no idea wtf they were talking about but went and arrested them for trafficking.
Johnny 1 year ago (edited)
It would teach them an important lesson - never get high while you're hauling large quantities of d***s, wait until you're safely at home. Note that the censored word is d-r-u-g-s, not d-i-c-k-s, it looks worse than it is when it's censored.
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Jeremy James 1 year ago
You guys, I'm pretty sure that school bus that's been following us IS A COP!
Saltypepper 2 days ago
Come on now ,we all know anyone that's walking by us , driving next to us or behind us is a cop, when you're h I g h e eryone is a cop
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Comfortably Numb 1 year ago (edited)
No chance. You're paranoid about BEING ARRESTED! About the police! You can't smoke so much weed you call the police and wait for them to come. I don't believe this one
Jaya 1 year ago
Maybe they thought that if they gave themselves up voluntarily that would give them a lesser sentence, and they thought getting caught in the end was already inevitable with the "cops chasing them"?
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(Pre-911, before addresses were automatically shown) A couple [making love] knocked the phone off the night stand and they had the police on speed dial. I thought she was being choked out so I had the phone company track the address and sent the cavalry. When they pounded on the front door I heard the woman say “Oh my God there are five cop cars outside!” The guy went downstairs and she picked up the phone and said “hello?” I said hello, ma’am, this is the police. Are you ok?” She said, “I’m fine. We were uh... busy.” I said I had been listening for the last few minutes and she said “Oh... we must have knocked the phone on the floor.”
The patrol guys told the guy they had to see her in person at the same time I was talking to her. She came downstairs so they could verify she was ok. They said she was pretty embarrassed.
Nae who and where 1 year ago
This reminds me of college. My freshman year my boyfriend and I were getting busy, trying some new positions and such. Somehow I ended hanging backwards off the bed and I'm laughing hysterically about it and honestly, so is he.... so he goes to grab my arms to pull me back up (side note, I have an incredibly heavy solid top side table I was using as a night stand, with legs) my head was under it and my boyfriend uses all of his strength to pull me up....so hard and fast that the table actually lifted off the floor due to my head hitting it. So it's clear I have a concussion, my speech is slurred and yes, I saw stars...or rather bursts or colors on impact. We get dressed and go to the ER, trying to explain it to the staff, the busses, the doctors....I was dying with embarrassment. I had to speak with them in private to make sure I wasn't a victim of abuse....really it was just good sex that got out of hand😂😂😂
Parmeisan 1 year ago
For what it's worth, that's the term the original poster on Reddit used. BP censors are out of control.
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Maartje 1 year ago (edited)
After my high school grad party I had the traditional back seat sex in my Volkswagen beetle in a very secluded area. Thinks got awkward when a cop suddenly opened the door and said "Good Morning!" and all I was wearing was one boot- don't ask why. I jumped and kicked with my booted foot against the rail of the driver's side seat- I did not get a ticket or anything but had a hell of a time getting my seat back on track.
ColdSteelRonin 1 year ago
Pretty sure 911 (Feb 1968) was a thing before speed dial because speed dial didn't become a thing until push-button phones were more common (telephone technology enabled speed dialing on push-button telephones in the early 1970s).
tl gmc 1 year ago
Maybe they didn't know yet. 2 years seems long when we could check things in 5 seconds now. However I doubt everyone knew about it even in the first 5 years.
Load More Replies... #14
My late aunt once called 911 because my uncle wouldn't change the fan that was blowing on her. Because it was a small community in NE Michigan, the police laughed and came out and changed the fan.
John Nelson 1 year ago
I had a lady call and ask for the biggest officer we had, wouldn't explain why. I sent over our biggest officer as requested, 6'6, barrel chested giant. When he arrived, she looked him over and said "you'll do" and handed him a mayonnaise jar for him to open. He did. :)
Lieutenant BaconWaffles 1 year ago
Real funny, until she keeps calling the cops to change the thermostat, the lightbulb, the batteries, close the window...
Mary Tonningsen 1 year ago
I had a friend whose grandma was in a convalescent hospital. She called 911 for help getting her sweater on. :)
#15
When I was still in training, my supervisor would play back training 911 calls for me to listen to and dispatch. In one call, the caller says that their friend is dying and that they’re in their car and they’ve pulled over on an access road near a busy restaurant. As the dispatcher asks more questions, we discover that the caller is holding their friend’s internal organs in her hands. Dispatch asks all the questions and eventually the caller says that their friend was hit by a car crossing the busy street in front of the restaurant. Dispatch keeps talking to her until a unit arrived on scene. They disconnect the call and the next thing you hear is the unit keying up and trying to hold back the laughter as he reported that the victim had died of their injuries prior to his arrival. And that the victim was a squirrel.
Maartje 1 year ago
I do. A squirrel who got hit by a car but survived- after doing a job on her hind leg and losing part of her tail. I fed her while she was recuperating, she is fine now.
Load More Replies... Flora Porter 1 year ago
I can understand them laughing with relief as much as anything, but it must have been an incredibly distressing call to handle.
Susan Harrie 1 year ago
Laughing because a poor squirrel was killed? What a-holes those first responders were!
Parmeisan 1 year ago
I think they were laughing with relief that it wasn't a person. I mean, I love animals and would never harm one, I have even called animal rescues a few times when I saw one injured, twice took time out of my day to bring them in. But wild animals do die *all the time* and there's usually not much we can do about it. I can understand it not seeming like a big deal to a first responder, even being amused that somebody called 911 over it.
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Vampiresscrow 1 year ago
This is kind of funny. I laughed out loud. Imagine the relief of the first responders. But then I think of the squirrel friend they once had. She was wonderful. She wasn't shy of us at all and was pretty damn 'polite', if you will. Had a tray of peanuts in the place. She would come in and help herself to one if the door was open. Diosappear for a bit and then come back for another. Rinse, repeat. I loved her. Especially since I moved cities and couldn't bring my fur baby with me. (He stayed at home with the parents.) I missed having a fur baby, and she helped ease that pain a bit. She even crawled on me from time to time (once sat on my lap eating a peanut). If this happened to her, I would be absolutely distraught.
#16
112 From Europe. Man, I can't count them all.
* A man called to say he's wrestling with deadly 10m (32-33 ft) snake in his backyard. He was very scared and although I wasn't sure how did a 10m snake appeared in his backyard I send the emergency to the police. They even called him back, but his father answered. The conversation was quite funny:
> Hello, sir. Police here. Is this Mr. Y?
> His father.
> Do you know where your son is?
> I don't know. Went to the backyard I guess.
>Maybe you should check on him. He might be fighting for his life against a deadly snake.
Turned out the guy was *a little* high and was wrestling with a bush.
* Dude wanted an ambulance because he needed to check if his girlfriend was pregnant or not. I heard her in the back saying "But my period is over 2 months late!" and he was like "no, no, no. A doctor needs to see it first". He didn't want to accept that it was not an emergency, and couldn't understand how gynecologists usualy aren't in an ambulance.
* Not sure if stories about people with mental illnesses should qualify, but there are some strong contenders like the queen of hamsters (that's how she introduced herself) whose internet connection apparently was cut off because she did not like one of our politicians. But she does now and she wants her internet back.
* A man wanted to prank his friend and hid in his kitchen behind sink. He couldn't get out and Fire Brigade was needed to free him.
Cosmikid 1 year ago
Yep, "High-Dialers" - have to be a huge problem. How many times have the Ambassadors form Aldebaran phoned in to make contact- and been blown off as druggies??
Robert Beveridge 1 year ago
As many times as Nigerian princes have actually given millions to people who gave them bank account info!
Load More Replies... ColdSteelRonin 1 year ago
The guy with the pregnant girlfriend was straight up in panic mode and denial
AnnwylTheBloodyLovesFerghus 1 year ago
When I worked customer service, I met the ruler of his own principality when he came in for a price quote. I forget the name of his country, but I still have his business card somewhere. It states his name, title, and the name of the country. Which apparently just happened to be near my neighborhood. Gotta dig up that card.
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DiscoMamaNea 1 year ago
Look in all reality no matter how high they still knew they needed help so tomato tomatoe
#17
I had a call from a male who said he needed an ambulance because "the beans are out of the pod."
Not being entirely sure what he meant I asked a few more questions. Seems he had an argument with his wife and things got physically violent. She grabbed his genitals tightly with her hand. He pushed her away. She did not let go. It ripped open.
I dispatched the ambulance for a "testicular degloving" injury, as well as the police. Ambulance made me repeat the dispatch and then called by phone to confirm. Couldn't believe their ears.
SkippityBoppityBoo 1 year ago (edited)
It only says - "Things got physically violent" and "She grabbed his testicles tightly with her hand"... We don't know if he was hitting her beforehand to cause her to do that or if she did it in self-defence
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Upstaged75 1 year ago (edited)
There was a guy on Bondi Beach Rescue (it's a reality show) who was playing football with a friend, and the friend's dog tried to jump up and grab the ball. Except the dog somehow accidentally grabbed the guy's weener when they both went for the ball at the same time. The poor guy's entire penis was degloved. He was surprisingly calm about it - taking pictures and showing the lifeguards while they waited for an ambulance. Later he came back after he'd been sewn up and let everyone meet the dog. It was a super sweet dog and the guy wasn't upset with it at all because it was just a freak accident. Hopefully the dog wasn't permanently confused about which balls it's allowed to bite! ;)
Robert Beveridge 1 year ago
Excuse me for a second but AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Learner Panda 1 year ago
Degloving is the correct term for the removal of the outer skin, of a limb after an accident, for example.
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Marla Singer 1 year ago
That one is... not funny at all. Just because he'd been socialized to be uncomfortable using the correct terminology. What a horribly painful and traumatizing event for him.
Blue Bunny of Happiness 1 year ago (edited)
You can get degloving injuries from airbags, although not usually in that area, unless you’re really talented in how you drive your car!
Charity Angel 1 year ago
There are certain men who believe that it is an essential tool for driving (pun intended). So maybe they're at risk. (Seriously, though, I think the main issue is with the explosive release of the airbag cover catching the driver's arm(s))
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#18
I’m a 911 operator for the ambulance service. Was processing a call one time that required a Cantonese interpreter over the phone as the caller did not speak English. Was told by the interpreter the caller was phoning for her husband who had abdominal pain and was constipated for over a week. The caller and the interpreter then go back and forth talking for some time before I interrupt.
Me: Sorry interpreter, what is she saying?
Interpreter: Um.. I’m just making sure I’ve understood what she’s asking correctly
Me: What is she asking?
Interpreter: she’s asking if she can help it out.. using a spoon..
Me: ...No no tell her not to do that.
She later referred to where the pain was as his “poo pipe” but at least that one made sense.
Cosmikid 1 year ago
Translations! SO many ways to go wrong!! My fave being the first attempt of the Coca Cola company to render those sounds into written Mandarin- which turns out to read "Bite the wax tadpole." Didn't go well.
Some guy 1 year ago
Or the Chevrolet "Nova" -- which, in Spanish, means "doesn't go".
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#19
112 Operator here.I had a woman who wanted to report herself dead. Like not in she wanted to commit [self-harm] (DO NOT DO THAT! There is help and if you have these thoughts please talk to people or a doc about this!) but she was sure that she died. A somewhat normal middle aged woman and she called 112 (medics and fire, 110 is for cops) so we would get her a morgue. It was my strangest call ever to tell a person, who was very much alive talking to me, that in fact she was not dead. We sent an ambualnce (for free, long live the eu-healthcaresystem).In the end it turned out to be a shroom induced psychosis EDIT: Yeah weird, but also funny afterwards.
Melissa Harris 1 year ago
Sounds like a temporary case of d**g induced Cotard's psychosis.
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SadieCat17 (she/her) 1 year ago
911 calls about self harm or suicide will only get you a police raid and physical confrontation that will result in an involuntary hold. An extremely traumatic process (especially if you're on the spectrum like me) that needs to be reformed. Instead if you're in crisis, call one of the many hotlines available, have a friend come over for the night, and schedule some therapy sessions. Stay safe everyone and don't be afraid to get help, things get better, I promise <3
_physically_insane_(he/him) 1 year ago
What if you’re broke, don’t have friends, and hate talking on the phone?
Load More Replies... PFD 1 year ago
I had a shroom flashback where I spent several hours in gut-wrenching terror convinced I'd sold my soul to the devil (I'm an atheist and philosophical materialist; it didn't help). I was at work when it hit... I've warned people not to think of shrooms as somehow safer than pharmaceuticals ever since. And above all not to take Timothy Leary's dosage advice!
Charity Angel 1 year ago
I suppose it depends on which devil you're thinking of. Tom Ellis' Lucifer would absolutely encourage you, and think it was hilarious.
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#20
Colleague, let's call her Sharon, answered this one. Sharon was from West Africa, and spoke excellent English with an accent that was mix of a British and her native language. I was her supervisor and listened in on this call.
Male caller: My wife is trying to [end] me.
Sharon: What did she do?
Male caller: She put a mothball in my crack pipe.
Sharon: A what? Male caller: A mothball! Sharon: A mothball?
Male callet: A mothball.
Sharon: (as an aside to me, What is a mothball?)
The What? A mothball! exchange was repeated a few times. Though Sharon's English was excellent "mothball" was one word she was unfamiliar with. And something about her accent as she kept repeating this just got to me.
Listening in I had a hard time stifling a laugh and couldn't compose myself enough to explain and get the dispatch out for a few moments. I explained mothbslls to Sharon after the call ended.
Ambulance sent due to possible lung damage from inhaling fumes from a burning mothball. Police sent for the crack pipe.
Cosmikid 1 year ago
Next? "Hey! let's try smoking gasoline! That's powerful!" Probably happens a lot- but no calls from them?
Sunny Day 1 year ago
Oh, you're silly. They don't smoke gasoline. They inject it. (Dont Google krokodil d**g)
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TheElderNom 1 year ago
The police was only sent for the pipe? Not even talking to the wife? While smoking crack is illegal I'm pretty sure poisoning is too.
SadieCat17 (she/her) 1 year ago
Calling the police on people asking for emergency health services as a way to keep the community safer, what an incredible plan that will in no way backfire. /s
Caroline Overill 1 year ago
Gawd I’m naive. No idea what a crack pipe is. Thought she’d shoved it up his a*s. Ah well, I’ll know next time.
Uncle Schmickle 1 year ago
No, you only sniff petrol ( gasoline ) and it eventually destroys your brain.
Idgafwyt AllDat'N'ABagOfChips 1 year ago
How coincidental. I live in a large apartment building that has 10 units in it. The front door of my apartment opens to a hallway, which is where the door to go outside, is located. I went to head outside yesterday and as soon as I opened my door, I was bombarded with the awful stench of mothballs. I almost didn't lock my door, because the smell was super concentrated and overwhelming. Found out that the culprit was my 90 year old neighbor, across the hall, who uses mothballs, to try to deter, the animals, from her plants and flowers. She must have spilled them in the hall or something because I didn't see or smell any outside.
#21
At a long term care facility I worked at One of our residents called 911 with the phone in her room because she didnt get ketchup with her lunch. Not kidding. The sherrifs office called back to let the nurses know what she'd done while I was standing right there. I've never laughed so hard at work.
Cosmikid 1 year ago
Sometimes- Elders, and the Differently Mental - have a clearer recognition of what is TRULY important.
TheElderNom 1 year ago
So it would be okay to call if someone DID put ketchup on my lunch? I generally feel it only belongs on burgers and hot dogs, in small amounts.
Load More Replies... Justin Tyme 1 year ago
I used to work in a nursing home. Things like this happened so often that all the 911 operators knew the phone number for our facility and would immediately call us.
rumple slunkskin 1 year ago
Had a lady at a nursing home I worked at frequently do this over every perceived injustice, like her soup she sat in front of for half an hour before eating it was cold... one day she called 911 from a landline over the "theft" of her cell phone, convinced the nurses had taken it because she's always calling 911. She hadn't thought to call her phone from the landline, because when yhey did it started ringing from underneath her seat in her wheelchair.
Belladonna.dreams 1 year ago
I had one that kept call the cops because the deer were eating the seed from the bird feed
#22
I had to discard the 'funny to us but too hard to explain why because of our dark and wildly inappropriate sense of humor' stories to find an appropriate one but here it is.
A man called and said he dislocated his shoulder. He sounded sort of funny and like he was caught in something so I asked him if he had fallen or something. "No... I was putting on a thermal shirt and my shoulder popped out and now I'm stuck. I was going to drive myself to the hospital but I'd have to drive with my arm out of the window". Ambulance was dispatched for a shirt extrication and transport.
Cosmikid 1 year ago
"our dark and wildly inappropriate sense of humor" Don't ever go to a party for Doctors, or one for Shrinks - and listen to their jokes. You'll be scarred for life. There are jokes they only tell each other; for that reason. "A way to blow off steam" is why they do it.
A girl 1 year ago
People who work in the funeral industry are darkly humorous too. My husband did casket upholstery. Said he was tne interior decorator of death.
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Cosmikid 1 year ago (edited)
Third Base! (Ehlers-Danlos!) My daughter, 3 alleles for ED, one homozygous - can dislocate like this, and has to watch out not to. The circus is not all clowns and elephants, particularly nowadays. :-)
BlindGirl UK 1 year ago
I have EDS too! I recently dislocated my shoulder by raising my arm above my head. My arm got to shoulder height and my shoulder popped out.
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Seanette Blaylock 1 year ago
He was injured and unable to safely transport himself to needed medical aid. Calling for help was totally reasonable, IMO.
Cerise Hood 1 year ago
Here is a collection of dark jokes: https://parade.com/1295709/marynliles/dark-humor-jokes/
#23
Not an operator. But I had a friend in high school who got addicted to [illegal substances]. Years after she got out of rehab she told me the story about how she ended up in rehab.
She had called the police on herself because, “there are demons living in my walls and I’d like the police to come remove them.”
When she sobered up, she also realized she didn’t live next to a pool. That’s important because while she was high she would sit outside and watch people swim. She did that for two years. Even though there was no pool.
Cosmikid 1 year ago
Doesn't sound like substances as much as downright paranoid schizophrenia. Could be both..
#24
I had to make a 999 call once (uk) and felt like a twat afterwards. My daughter who was 1 at the time was crying in her cot so went to check on her and some how she had got her head stuck between the bars, I tried for a good 10 mins to get her out to no avail had to call the fire brigade to come out. Must of sounded stupid "my babies heads stuck in her cot bars" anyway fire come out lights and sirens the whole 9 yards, 4 burly fireman come in and try to pry the bars...nope. end up getting washing up liquid and lots of gentle tugging and out pops the wee ones head ffs. Also heard on a radio station a call recording of a fella who called 999 about a strange object in the sky after much chat he finally realised it was the moon!
Libstak 1 year ago (edited)
That 1st one is actually a good reason to call for help. If he wasn't able to easily unstick his poor kid any extra force could break her neck or cause damage to her head. Get help, more than one set of hands alone would be more stable wrestling a kids head that may be squirming and screaming, that's before the benefit of their medical knowledge and prior experience which you want and need in that situation.
PFD 1 year ago
Absolutely. I don't think people should feel bad about calling when it's about a baby, even if it turns out to have been utterly unnecessary. The possibility of something going wrong is just too unspeakable - and the parents are learning, too. There's a world of difference between this and most of the other stories here.
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Yer Maw Lorna 1 year ago
My son did this, given his head was the biggest part of his body I just pulled the rest of him through the bars and he was free in under a minute
Poppy 1 year ago
I work in the 999 control room for Ambulance in the UK, babies getting their head stuck in their cot is fairly common.
Charity Angel 1 year ago
That doesn't surprise me in the slightest. From what I know of paramedics, they probably enjoy that kind of job. No-one's injured (usually), and there's a cute baby they can save and then play with.
Load More Replies... justanotherweirdo 1 year ago
Reminds me of a story my parents told me about when I was a toddler. When I was maybe a year old, apparently I stuck my legs through the bars of the crib, and then flipped onto my belly (I was on my back before). I don’t remember it, but I imagine it must have hurt. Now we all laugh, wondering what was going on in my 1yo brain 😂
Melissa Harris 1 year ago
I'm pretty sure several crib models have been recalled for this issue.
Joanne Earle 1 year ago
Ya know....before push button phones, wouldn't it take FOREVER for a rotary dial phone to complete 999?
Whitkat 1 year ago
My idiot cousin had her little boy's leg get caught in the cot bars three separate times. She ignored him so long and so often that he would jump up and down until he fell through. She was finally sited for neglect and lost custody for a while. It's a perfectly reasonable call to 999.
#25
I’m not a 911 operator but I got a funny 911 call story. My older cousin Steve lived with his parents at age 45. He’s always been a strange one. Apparently he was constipated and instead of behaving like a normal adult and taking some exlax or stool softener, he decided it was indeed an emergency and called 911. He begged my aunt and uncle to help them but they didn’t want anything to do with his 6’8” 380lbs a*s problems. By the time the EMTS got there, Cousin Steve was naked, prying apart his butt cheeks demanding that they “get the s**t out of his a*s.” The emergency medical techs explained to him that he should really just try some OTC meds vs paying for the cost of an ambulance and hospital trip. I wish I could have seen this go down.. or maybe not. In the end, he stayed home and eventually took a ginormous dump. Yep. That’s my family. God bless the EMTs of the world.
Cosmikid 1 year ago
Pray it's not your turn when constipation becomes a real emergency! "Friend" - gave my 7 year-old son his first video game thing. 4 days later, we're in the ER; severe unexplained stomach pains; sounds like appendicitis... nope. Kid just hadn't remembered to poop for 4 days.......
Ken Beattie 1 year ago
How do you "not remember to poop" for that long? The poop will remind you! It's it's own alarm clock.
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Jaya 1 year ago (edited)
It is possible to get to a point where a doctor has to remove it, because there are situations where stool softener medication can't fix it. This poor guy probably waited too long to call a doctor because he was embarassed and hoping the problem would fix itself, and was now in so much pain that he didn't think he'd survive another hour.
Svenne O'Lotta 1 year ago
Someone who spreads his asscheeks and yells about it isn't the sort to be embarrassed. The man is simple.
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🩶🩷Marvin HoG🩷🩶 1 year ago
Having been extremely constipated during pregnancy I can tell you that it can get to the point that no amount of laxative suppositories helps and you literally feel like you're going to die of compacted poo. For me it was literally worse than giving birth.
#26
We occasionally have people call in, concerned that their local convenience store is locked and they can get in (“well ma’am that just means the clerk is using the restroom.” “They’ve been gone over five minutes!” “Some things take longer than others.”)
We’ve had people wanting police because those a-hole McDonald’s employees refused to sell them a whopper.
My favorite though was the woman who was spelling out a name for us, using her own special brand of phonetics...
D like Dinosaur
O like Oh my god!
N like Nuh Unh.
Cosmikid 1 year ago
We haven't all been trained of military spelling! I confess I once spelled "That's D, as in dunderhead..."
Marnie 1 year ago
Who DOESN'T just make stuff up? 99.99999% of us are going to have to do that. M as in "Marnie", A as in apple, R as in rip van winkle, N as Nunchuks, I as in I, E as in Euclidean geometry.
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Wingsofwrath 1 year ago (edited)
Only 15, but the other day it took me an embarrassingly long time to remember that Q is "Quebec", because it's such a seldom used letter in Romanian... Also, there's a lot of people, who, when asked to say the phonetic alphabet, go "Alpha-Bravo-Charlie-Echo-Foxtrot... uhh.. Gravy?" because if you're not on the comms all the time you won't use more than five letters on a regular basis.
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Osprey 1 year ago
I answered the phone, and it was a Southern lady in MS. The phone connection was bad due to a storm in the area, I had a hard time understanding her address, it was on Q street. So, she tries to use NATO call signs, finally I hear, "Q" you know Q as in cucumber.
Melissa Harris 1 year ago
I worked in a call center and we used the NATO Phonetic alphabet (each cubicle had it posted). Can not tell how many people miss spelled things in hilarious ways.
Load More Replies... Kelly Scott 1 year ago
Interesting thing a cop said to me once. When they answer a 911 call from a 7-11, they never know if the victim will be the clerk or the customer. Don't screw with the 7-11 clerks, people!
Kelly Scott 1 year ago
One of my coworkers had a drunk customer call 911 because the clerk wouldn't make him a fresh pot of decaf coffee. He said the 911 operator spoke for a couple of moments and the customer got real quiet, said OK, and then hung up and left. I can only imagine what she told him. LOL
Pheebs 1 year ago
I very much like to use really random words for phonetic alphabet. Usually random, fun names or objects.
nottheactualphoto 1 year ago
My friend was giving me directions, and said to take the M train. "M as in Malagueña."
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Laurie Ostergaard-Overbey 1 year ago
"Some things take longer than others" OMG must be Dollar General with only one employee at a time....
#27
I had one, not too many months ago, from a Spanish speaking man. I answered, he immediately began speaking in Spanish. No big deal, I say "No habla, uno momento por favor, translator line." and get the language line on the phone and ask questions that they translate and give me his responses for. Nothing big, he just heard some shouting and odd noises. Suddenly the language line drops, and I'm still on the phone with the guy. In broken high school Spanish, I tell him "One minute, I'm sorry!" as I try to fumble my keypad to redial language line. He just responds, in perfect, nearly accentless English, "So... Are the cops coming?" My brain freezes and I just manage to say, "Yes sir, they've been dispatched. Call us back if anything changes." "Okay, thanks." *Click*. I stared at my screens for a hot minute before breaking into distressed laughter.
Marnie 1 year ago
If you're in a country where the main language spoken is English, and since obviously the 911 dispatcher would have answered the call in English, the fact that he spoke Spanish would be taken by almost anyone as that the caller did not speak English.
Load More Replies... Jaya 1 year ago (edited)
If you have to switch between languages all the time, sometimes your brain just forgets which language to use. I've been in situations where I all of a sudden realized I had switched to English a few sentences ago for no reason.
athornedrose 1 year ago
especially under stress. her english is excellent and accentless, but losing her english is the first sign i know my mom needs a doctor or other emergency services. you don't always realize what language you are in and when you're hurt or scared, people tend to default to their native language.
Load More Replies... Psychopathic Shark 1 year ago
To be fair that happened to a colleague. A guy came in with prewritten Google translate about what was up and passed it to my colleague to read. She came back in and explained what was wrong but said "your going to need a translator" one of the nurses asked which language they would need. She said she was an idiot and hadn't asked so went out to ask him. Upon asking him she said "do you speak polish?" To which he replied "yes, but my English is fine" clear as day
#28
In addition to 911, my agency also answers non-emergency calls. We mostly have women on my shift and we had one guy keep calling until he finally got the lone male operator for that morning so he can air his complaint to “someone who would understand”. He used a toilet in one of the buildings we dispatch maintenance for and his complaint was that the water level was too high... and he knows this because his balls touched the water when he sat down.
Some guy 1 year ago
Maybe if he cranks up the a/c in the bathroom really high . . . ?
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#29
My department dispatches our area's animal control after hours. Once received a call from a guy freaking out because he caught a possum in his house. I asked him which room he was able to confine the animal and he didn't tell me which room, but said he trapped it in a microwave. I had many questions.
Deborah B 1 year ago
If you've trapped it in the microwave, why not just carry the microwave outside, unlatch the door, and release the poor possum?
Cosmikid 1 year ago (edited)
Nice Aussie possum there, except its flight membranes are showing.... are Sugar Gliders also possums?
Linda Riebel 1 year ago
That's not a possum, but never mind. Oh wait, Australia has neat little mammals they call possums.....
#30
I'm not an operator, this is just a story from my dad.
He was pressing random buttons in his car a few months ago, trying to figure out some stuff. He ended up pressing a 911 button, and when they answered my dad was insanely confused. Once they had a few laughs, the operator told him to hang up. Thing is though, he doesn't know how to.
It was pretty funny.
Cosmikid 1 year ago (edited)
"RTFM" - used to be universally understood and used- and Dad should bloody know it. RTFM ! Know it! Do it! :-)
Ken Beattie 1 year ago
Have you seen the manuals in new cars? Holy c**p, they're huge. Friends bought a new Mazda and the manual is like a Stephen King novel in thickness.
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Pheebs 1 year ago
Anyone remember the Blackberry butt dial commercials? I had my bro’s Blackberry for a few weeks after the speaker in my phone went poof. Yeah, the butt dialing was awful with the ones that had the little ball mouse in them. Thing is, mine would call 911 on the regular from my purse, because pushing the ball and scrolling down one was emergency calling. Fun times… iPhone added the emergency call if you rapid push one of the buttons 5 times. Guess what can happen when you put an iPhone and a tube of lip balm together accidentally?
Learner Panda 1 year ago
Hubby bought a more modern car and sat on the drive pressing buttons. The call receiver on the other end said "don't worry, everyone does it!"
Jan Feline 1 year ago
My friend's cat was playing with her phone, and accidentally called 911 (touched the emergency button). Luckily, my friend was there, and was able to explain what happened before anyone was dispatched
Bernát Bonda 1 year ago
Once i was in a long (~1hour) call with one of my friends, i was teaching him programming. My phone was next To me, hadnt touched it for like half an hour. Once the phone started ringing. The emergency line CALLED ME and asked what was my emergency. I'm usually chill, and speaks well in confusing situations, but it caught me off-guard. Just To be sure I went To check out my grandparents if they were fine (they have some gadget for quick emergency calls, and I'm the contact person)
#31
I used to do overnight security, and have had to call 911 several times. My favorite was a gentleman who was obviously on something, jittery, touching his face a lot, couldn't sit still. He tried to break into a house next to our campus. So I dialed 911 right then. As I'm giving them a description of what he is wearing, he starts stripping his clothes off, running across our campus. So I have to tell the 911 operator, "Yeah, he butt naked in the middle of street, laying down. I think he's doing the worm." We lost the guy on cameras, no clue where he is. Five cop cars show up and they round up the only guy in our area with no shoes or a shirt. We went outside to give the cops a statement, and the guy is trying to convince the police that he is the one who called them to report someone stealing his shoes. The cops don't buy it for a second. But they let him go, and he just runs off into the night. Barefoot, no shirt.
Some guy 1 year ago
Hey, when even the cops say "no shirt, no shoes, no service", you can damn well believe it!
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Charity Angel 1 year ago
This might just be me, since I can only use my imagination here, but doing the worm in the street, butt naked, sounds very painful. Stuff... dangling... Grinding...
#32
I was a relay operator for the deaf, hard of hearing, and speech disabled. Was instructed to call 9-1-1 because a guy left his cardigan at the doctor's office. (Fair play to him; the doctor's answering machine outgoing message, which I faithfully relayed to him, did indeed say "if this is an emegency, dial 9-1-1.).
Cosmikid 1 year ago
Interesting world where a forgotten sweater is an emergency. Could be, though.
Ken Beattie 1 year ago
Needs to change the message to "if this is a medical emergency..."
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#33
I spent a few months as an EMS call receiver when I wasn't in the field. I had more than a few calls that had me shaking my head or in disbelief, but only one where I had to hand my headset to the guy next to me.
Once I confirmed the address and that the caller was requesting an ambulance, I asked the most obvious question: Why do you need an ambulance? The caller, sounding like a young woman, spoke in such a hushed tone that I couldn't hear her.
She mumbed "There's hrumfeses coming out myhurgina"
"What?"
She repeated herself, " I've got hrumfeses coming out myhurgina"
"I'm sorry, I can't hear you."
Apparently this exchange took too long, because a very angry male voice came out of the receiver.
"SHE GOT S**T COMIN' OUT HER P***Y" I was caught so off guard I just cracked, I handed my headset to the guy next to me, I couldn't even explain why. He finished the call, hung up and just looked at me, shook his head and went back to his own terminal.
Debby Keir 1 year ago
That's not actually funny - you can get a 'track' (hole) between the bowel and the vagina or uterus, and then pass faeces. It's actually a very dangerous condition and can lead to sepsis.
Vicky Phenny 1 year ago
I don't think it was the feces itself they found funny, but the sudden yelling and profanity.
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Marnie 1 year ago
This is horrifying! This does happen. Absolutely not funny. It does, however, remind me of the Friends episode with Chandler, "I'm drapped in an AVM vestbule with Jill grllgorra!" Only Joey can interpret it as, "I'm trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Woodaker [the model]."
#34
My SO is an EMT and has many hilarious stories. The one she loves to share is: she was responding to a frequent flier (they call a lot!) who was basically given the choice to ride with them to the hospital or go to jail for the abuse of calling 911 again.... This patient was wearing a robe. They brought him to the hospital and he's drunk as always. When she does the call in for the hospital the hospital asks if the guy is wearing a blue robe. She says he is. You've never heard such displeasure in a persons voice when the hospital replied "We will be happy to see YOU when you get here". So they get to the hospital and put the guy in a room. My SO goes to check the guy in while her partner stays in the room with the guy. The nurse was upset and said "Oh no, I've heard about this guy. I've worked here so long and never seen him". My SO goes back into the room and the guy is walking out of the bathroom and his robe is wide open. She then learned he was not wearing any underwear. The nurse came in, saw the guy, threw her hands up in the air and walked out without saying anything.
Cosmikid 1 year ago (edited)
response thought out ahead of time! "Oh, dear! I'm so sorry to see that! So it just keeps getting smaller and smaller, huh? It's very sad..."
Marnie 1 year ago
Obviously the guy has a mental health issue, so I don't find this funny. I certainly understand people's frustration, but this is not funny.
Nikole 1 year ago
Sounds like he does this because he’s pervy. Or has dementia. Both?
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#35
I used to be a 911 operator from 2014-2018. I was also responsible for training new hires on answering phones. One day, I get a medic call for a guy wanting an ambulance because he has hemorrhoids. I try to get more information from him like his name, phone number, and where he's located. I get all of that he starts screaming "MY A*****E, MY A*****E". During his screams about his a*****e, I turn to my trainee and blankly stare at her. That was about 6 years ago. We still joke about it to this day.
Dread Pirate Roberts 1 year ago
Crimenently, those must've been some seriously vicious hemorrhoids
Laurie Ostergaard-Overbey 1 year ago
that is so not funny. hemorrhoids can cause suicide.....from the pain....
Donna Sempek 1 year ago
When I was 17 I could t get my calf high leather boots off. I called the fire department to come take them off. Good thing I was a cute girl. They were very nice🤣
What do you think ?
BookFanatic 1 year ago
We (public library) had a heartbreaking "911-email" from a lady last week. She lives alone, no family/friends, and no telephone. She wanted us to call the police because she couldn't get her medications. So we called the non-emergency. Turns out she's well-known by the local cops. She doesn't trust the cops. She trusts librarians. Never say libraries are no longer useful, folks.
Whitkat 1 year ago
Years ago, as a child, they taught us if you're alone and need help libraries are a safe place. The librarians will always help you. I'm sure she was taught this as well.
Load More Replies... Cosmikid 1 year ago
Not 911, but I was the "Information" phone guy for our Natural History Museum. I bet Bored Panda could mine some good stories from similar situations. My favorite... guy is kind of having a hard time asking his question- eventually gets around to; "Ok, the thing, my buddies at the bar- ... um... have a bet. We need to know..." "Ok. I'll do what I can for you..?" "Um. ok. um... How do turtles do it?" Foolish me..actually knowing a fair amount about turtles, mind goes to many places..... "How do turtles do WHAT?" I say. 'You know!... IT." The light dawns. And it's not that easy to explain over the phone!
Charity Angel 1 year ago
Non-mammalian reproduction is a bit dicey to explain to anyone if they don't have a natural inclination towards the sciences anyway - over the phone for a bunch of potentially drunk guys? Yeah, I don't envy you that at all!
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Feathered Dinosaur 1 year ago
A year or so ago I set a cooking pot on fire and called 112 in a panic (I had already put out the fire). I never cook, so I had no experience with kitchen fires and thought I might get CO poisoning lol. I had already opened the window, and I'm also a doctor and should know better than to call 112 because of this, but well... at least I apologized to them for taking up their time
wowbagger 1 year ago
Nothing wrong with that. Whenever there's a fire in your house, it's a good idea to at least check in with the fire department. They know the right questions to ask.
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EmBree 1 year ago
I found my hallway full of smoke, grabbed my toddler and ran to my neighbor and called 112. It was long before we had cellphones. The fire fighters arrived in no time and entered our home while I watched from the lawn. Then they calmly walked out again and explained to me that our electric radiator in the hallway was stuffed full of paper. Seems my toddler had played "mailbox". I framed the charred papers and put it on my office wall as a reminder that toddlers can, and will, do things you can't even imagine in 2 seconds or less.
marianne eliza 1 year ago
When you work in a stressful situation like an emergency services dispatcher, you have to laugh sometimes to keep from crying. Didn't any of you ever watch M*A*S*H?
John Nelson 1 year ago
Not a 911 story, but my very first live radio call as a new dispatcher many years ago was a routine traffic stop, running a license and plate. It was my mother! She heard my voice over the officer's radio and told him "he's never going to let me live this one down." She was right! :)
Karen Klinck Klinck 1 year ago
My housemate had been working for 911 for about a month when they received a call from an old Polish lady. (No, I'm not laughing at her heavy accent; remember, she learned a whole 'nother language.) She's calling about the street corner behind one of our main parking garages. "There are two men there, they have their pants round their ankles, and they are doing *sexual things*." Now, the first thing a 911 operator is taught, and this is stressed heavily, is to get a body to talk to. So she says, "Would you be willing to talk to the police, ma'am?" The old lady replies, in a fairly shocked and reproachful voice, "Oh, no! I am busy watching!"
Olli Hawk 1 year ago
Not very funny, just strange- I called once because a clearly mentally ill person smashed up my paintings that I was selling unprovoked, and then kept swinging at me and windmilling his arms at me. For my safety and also his own safety I reported him and when my parents found out the yelled at me and told me that what I did was incredibly stupid and “that’s how you get yourself 🍇ed” I don’t see how reporting vandalism and a*****t can get me 🍇ed but okay
Melissa Harris 1 year ago
Not calling the police when someone is violent and incoherent is also how you can get assaulted.
Load More Replies... BookFanatic 1 year ago
We (public library) had a heartbreaking "911-email" from a lady last week. She lives alone, no family/friends, and no telephone. She wanted us to call the police because she couldn't get her medications. So we called the non-emergency. Turns out she's well-known by the local cops. She doesn't trust the cops. She trusts librarians. Never say libraries are no longer useful, folks.
Whitkat 1 year ago
Years ago, as a child, they taught us if you're alone and need help libraries are a safe place. The librarians will always help you. I'm sure she was taught this as well.
Load More Replies... Cosmikid 1 year ago
Not 911, but I was the "Information" phone guy for our Natural History Museum. I bet Bored Panda could mine some good stories from similar situations. My favorite... guy is kind of having a hard time asking his question- eventually gets around to; "Ok, the thing, my buddies at the bar- ... um... have a bet. We need to know..." "Ok. I'll do what I can for you..?" "Um. ok. um... How do turtles do it?" Foolish me..actually knowing a fair amount about turtles, mind goes to many places..... "How do turtles do WHAT?" I say. 'You know!... IT." The light dawns. And it's not that easy to explain over the phone!
Charity Angel 1 year ago
Non-mammalian reproduction is a bit dicey to explain to anyone if they don't have a natural inclination towards the sciences anyway - over the phone for a bunch of potentially drunk guys? Yeah, I don't envy you that at all!
Load More Replies... Feathered Dinosaur 1 year ago
A year or so ago I set a cooking pot on fire and called 112 in a panic (I had already put out the fire). I never cook, so I had no experience with kitchen fires and thought I might get CO poisoning lol. I had already opened the window, and I'm also a doctor and should know better than to call 112 because of this, but well... at least I apologized to them for taking up their time
wowbagger 1 year ago
Nothing wrong with that. Whenever there's a fire in your house, it's a good idea to at least check in with the fire department. They know the right questions to ask.
Load More Replies... EmBree 1 year ago
I found my hallway full of smoke, grabbed my toddler and ran to my neighbor and called 112. It was long before we had cellphones. The fire fighters arrived in no time and entered our home while I watched from the lawn. Then they calmly walked out again and explained to me that our electric radiator in the hallway was stuffed full of paper. Seems my toddler had played "mailbox". I framed the charred papers and put it on my office wall as a reminder that toddlers can, and will, do things you can't even imagine in 2 seconds or less.
marianne eliza 1 year ago
When you work in a stressful situation like an emergency services dispatcher, you have to laugh sometimes to keep from crying. Didn't any of you ever watch M*A*S*H?
John Nelson 1 year ago
Not a 911 story, but my very first live radio call as a new dispatcher many years ago was a routine traffic stop, running a license and plate. It was my mother! She heard my voice over the officer's radio and told him "he's never going to let me live this one down." She was right! :)
Karen Klinck Klinck 1 year ago
My housemate had been working for 911 for about a month when they received a call from an old Polish lady. (No, I'm not laughing at her heavy accent; remember, she learned a whole 'nother language.) She's calling about the street corner behind one of our main parking garages. "There are two men there, they have their pants round their ankles, and they are doing *sexual things*." Now, the first thing a 911 operator is taught, and this is stressed heavily, is to get a body to talk to. So she says, "Would you be willing to talk to the police, ma'am?" The old lady replies, in a fairly shocked and reproachful voice, "Oh, no! I am busy watching!"
Olli Hawk 1 year ago
Not very funny, just strange- I called once because a clearly mentally ill person smashed up my paintings that I was selling unprovoked, and then kept swinging at me and windmilling his arms at me. For my safety and also his own safety I reported him and when my parents found out the yelled at me and told me that what I did was incredibly stupid and “that’s how you get yourself 🍇ed” I don’t see how reporting vandalism and a*****t can get me 🍇ed but okay
Melissa Harris 1 year ago
Not calling the police when someone is violent and incoherent is also how you can get assaulted.
Load More Replies...
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