Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
28submissions
Finished
“I Bought My Wife A Microwave”: 28 Valentine’s Day Gifts That Were A Total Miss
When we think about the best Valentine’s Day gifts, a bouquet of flowers, a fancy dinner date, or a romantic getaway might spring to mind. But, of course, everyone’s definition of “the best” varies greatly.
Instead, some people receive what could be described as the “worst” Hearts’ Day present. These may range from cheap cards to hair trimmers, an ironing board, and a piece of meat (yes, you read that right).
These examples are responses to a Reddit thread from years ago, which becomes relevant around the days leading up to February 14th each year. Scroll through and see which ones you can learn from.
Click here & follow us for more lists, facts, and stories.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I saved a patatoe in the freezer that was the perfect shape of a heart. I put it in there in June for February. When I got it out and proudly gave it to my wife it literally turned black and started leaking juices in front of her. In theory it was cute in practice it was like a death threat.
RELATED:
#2
My ex gave me a stuffed dog teddy bear, which I thought was strange because I am 100% a cat person. There was a little card pinned to its ear which had been signed "Love Sara". He regifted an old vday gift...
#4
I bought my wife a microwave for our first Valentine's day back in 2005...she had just moved into her new place and needed a microwave...not sure why everyone didn't see how thoughtful I was being
#5
Well my husband two years ago got me a scale for Christmas. It was my big gift. It connected via Bluetooth to an app on my phone. Now I will say that I am forever trying to lose a few pounds, but that gift stung a little.
#6
I bought an ex gf one of every Valentine's Day gift; bear, candy, lingerie, wine, balloons, all of it. She got me a turtle that sings "Can't Hurry Love". Took me a while to get that hint.
#8
A scrapbook containing "all your happiest memories together," that when you open it turns out to be blank.
#9
My mother lived in a tiny apartment with her friend while she worked in a tiny flower shop. Both of them worked long hours trying to make it, her a florist wanting to open her own place, her friend a starving photographer.
My dad raced motorcycles for a living back then and told my mother that he just won a big race and wanted to take her out to a nice dinner on Valentines Day and he has a gift for her that will he knows she will love. So naturally, my mother was sure he was going to propose.
After a great dinner at a very nice restaurant, he told her to hold out her hand and close her eyes for her gift. She stuck out her hand, palm down. He then turned her palm up and slapped a giant smoked summer sausage (salami) in it. Back then you bought that s**t in the mall and it was expensive. He literally said, "You and Bridgett can eat off of this for a week!!"
After she left crying, he got the hint. A month or two later, he showed up at the flower shop and order tulips from my mother. She, thinking "who the h**l is he ordering tulips for??" told him that they were sold out. He then got on one knee, ring in hand, and asked, "Well, then, can I have yours?"
Seriously. My [darn] dad.
Kitty Smith 2 months ago
Oh come on this is awsome. What a story to tell your kids and grandkids.
#10
He sent me a copy of the King James Bible. Because I was Catholic and my bible was 'wrong.'.
#12
My dad gave my step mom a toilet seat once for Valentine's Day. He genuinely thought he had the best gift ever. This happened over 5 years ago and we still laugh at him about it
EDIT: it was the most generic toilet seat ever. Not even one of the ones that go down slowly.
#13
My dad bought my mom a pencil sharpener one year for Valentine's Day. It was the only gift he ever bought her on that day.
My sister and I pestered him relentlessly saying it was weird he had never bought her a Valentine's Day gift, so he listened for what she wanted. She had been complaining that their pencil sharpener was junk, so he went out and bought this really nice electric one (this was in the late 80s, so actually a pricey gift). My mom was SO mad and so he never bought her another Valentine's Day gift again.
EDIT: I just wanted to say my mom isn't a jerk at all. She did apologize later. After 18 years and two kids he for the first time ever got her something on Valentine's Day. She was expecting some romantic gesture and instead got a pencil sharpener. We all think it is hilarious now, but at the time she was confused and a bit let down. She didn't handle it well, but such is life.
This year is their 45th anniversary, so it wasn't that big a deal. It's just a running family joke. Every year on their anniversary my dad gets my mom a rose for each year they have been married, so he's not totally unromantic. Though it costs him about $200+ these days for her massive rose bouquet.
#14
Once I ordered my girlfriend flowers that didn't arrive (or were stolen from the porch), so I gave her the delivery confirmation instead.
It was not as funny as I thought it would be.
#15
Last Valentines, MY gf found a sweater that my ex left a long time ago in my closet. I didn´t have the heart to tell her it was from my ex, so I said I had bought it for her for Valentines. She was so suprised and happy, and she absolutly loves the sweater, she wears it all the time...
#16
A bag to pack your belongings in so you can get out. I literally did this. I broke up with the same guy on valentines day, years apart. The first time was just bad timing, he was just very annoying and we were young teens. The second time was when we were adults. He had cheated on me and so I was already over the whole thing, but we got into an argument the morning of valentines day (seriously telling me I needed to hire a babysitter for my 1 year old so we could go grocery shopping... I don't think so) so I handed him a new bag that he had been wanting and told him to pack his stuff and go. And he did. Goodbye!
#17
Girl I started dating a couple of months before Valentine's Day just got out of a long term relationship with her high school sweetheart. I didn't know she was still in contact with him when we were dating. She handed me a cute little bag with candy and a card. As I opened the card and read her pouring out her soul to her ex boyfriend about how much she still thinks about him and loves him. Evidently she made two gift bags. One for me and one for the ex and mixed them up.
#19
When asked what my SO wanted one year, she said she wanted a H2O steamer mop. Cost me about £100 and she got flowers, chocolates and a date night on top of it. But of course, whenever telling the story, it has become the time I got her a mop for Valentine's Day.
Edit: Guys, please. As I said in a follow up post, everything said is in jest. We both laugh about it and I tell the story just as much as she does. Nobody is holding anything over anybody.
#20
A s****y attitude. Not really a gift per se, but I don't remember at all what that girl actually got me, I just remember how horrible the day was.
It was my first time having a gf for vday so I was excited; spent some money, made a little scavenger hunt, got her friends in on it; like I really worked hard on it. The whole night we spent together after all of my shenanigans all she did was talk about how much she hates Valentine's Day (this was never mentioned before) because her exes were always rude to her about it or always gave her a bad experience.
It made me feel so terrible. It wasn't even a "oh that was so nice usually I hate Valentine's Day but thanks for the effort". Nope. she was excited for the gifts and everything for all of 5 minutes then back to being all grumpy.
I really felt like I screwed up
Edit: I should clarify; I wasn't bummed that my gifts and such didn't sweep her off her feet, but I was sad because I tried so hard and got essentially tossed in the trash. If your partner is really putting in effort it's nice to at least acknowledge it, even if it's not your cup of tea.
#22
Got my girlfriend a scratching post for her cat... so really, her cat is my Valentine
Keeps the cat's claws out of the couch, though...
#23
In college there was a butcher on campus, near the ag department. It sold all sorts of meat at wholesale.
I bought my girlfriend Bacon for Valentines day. I loved her. I loved Bacon.
Skip to the end we broke up the following March.
Edit: Not going to answer as to which college it was.
Second Edit: I didn't add this before because what I did was dumb. She didn't like bacon. Apparently we had many conversations about it. She explained several times apparently, but I never remembered. I bought bacon as a gag gift because I had to move back home and I thought it would be funny. I was dumb. She was a great girlfriend and is still one of my closest friends.
#24
A woman I work with just found out her husband and father of her child has been cheating on her for a few months with a coworker. during the ensuing fight, he ruptured an aneurism in his aorta from his chest to iliac crest. Now he's in the ICU, and during which stay my coworker has found on his phone messages from two other people who have also been with her husband in the past few weeks.
In short, the best gift for her this Valentine's Day is explaining to her son why dads in the hospital and why the divorce lawyer keeps coming over. She'll be signing end of life care papers today.
#25
My ex gave me a hermit crab one year for valentines day. He said he thought it was a perfect gift for me because it matched my personality. I'm not a hermit, we had just moved across the country, I had no friends and hated my new job. I was very lonely and unhappy. He worked all the time, so I was always alone.
Later that year I found out he had a fling with a coworker. He sent her Elton John tickets & and sent a $300 bouquet of flowers that same Valentines Day.
Good times. Amazing I can tell that story with a sense of humor and not be in jail for m****r.
#27
My (then) girlfriend and I met at a Wendy's, which was being torn down for remodeling. My bright idea was to have dinner, a movie, and then swing by the wreckage and take a brick to remind us of the fast food chain that meant so much to us. Yikes.
Bonus! I locked us out of my car and my mother had to come unlock it for us!
#28
My ex hurt me for the first time at a Valentines party in front of all of his friends. He got blackout drunk and tried to fight his roommate, I got in the middle of it to stop it and he grabbed me by the throat and slammed me into a wall while screaming at me not to get in his business and held me there until I nearly suffocated. Everyone at the party was shocked silent. I burst into tears and ran to the back room. I could hear everyone at the party trying to calm him down. His roommate was the only one to come back to comfort me. When my ex walked in he yelled at him and told him to get out (it was a shared bedroom). He kicked him and everyone else out of the house. When I asked to go home it was like a switch flipped and he was his sweet, soft spoken self again. He insisted that we go to bed, I crawled out of bed in the middle of the night and slept in his roommates bed and cried.
The next morning (actual Valentines Day) he woke up and slowly started to remember everything. He got very serious and decided to drive me home. He broke up with me on the way. I could barely speak through the tears, when we got to my apartment I handed him his present and got out of the car. It was just a teddy bear and a card that I had written that I was falling in love with him. He told me years later that he still kept that to remind him how badly he messed up.
Related on Bored Panda
