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39 Infuriating Stories About MILs Who Can’t Survive Without Making Everyone Suffer (August Edition)
Nobody likes the idea of family conflict, and when you join your partner’s family, you hope everyone can get along. It shouldn’t be that hard, right? Your partner, whom you presumably love and adore, was raised by these people, so you might expect their family to be just as easy to love. Except real life doesn’t always work that way.
For some mothers-in-law, meddling and controlling behavior can seem like an extension of their parenting role, even when their children are adults with families and lives of their own. Some may struggle to respect boundaries, while others might bulldoze them entirely and take their behavior much further. The stories we’ve rounded up here from r/JUSTNOMIL cover a wide range of difficult family situations—some frustrating, some astonishing, and some genuinely disturbing.
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#1
My Biggest Regrets
I lost my husband suddenly to a heart attack on 3 June. He was my entire world and I am devastated. My only consolation with him having passed is that I know how much he loved me and I know he felt completely loved in return.
But I'm posting on here because I look back and putting up with my in laws is my biggest regret. My husband and I put up with so much from them out of fear, obligation and guilt.
We never got the Christmas we wanted together. We always said "They won't be around forever, we will just put up with their toxic behaviour for now". But it was my husband who passed away first.
We wasted so much time and energy doing a 10-hour round trip to see them. When we arrived, Marjorie, my mother in law, would present us with a selection of the mouldiest veg we had ever seen and demand we cooked her a meal. Again, we put up with it - "It's just a weekend" we would say. But it was precious time that was already running out.
We put up with tantrums, weirdness, and all kinds of toxic behaviour. While they discharged whatever psychological issues they had going on, we soaked up all that stress and carried it. A lifetime of this contributed to the fact my husband had a heart attack despite being young, slim, and fit at 53.
When my father in law passed away, I supported my mother in law with sorting out all her finances and probate.
Since my husband passed away my in laws have not contacted me to check whether I am OK.
DON'T be the bigger, better person.
DON'T think you have all the time in the world. You may not. Every weekend is precious.
Cut toxic people out like the cancer they are.
Do it now.
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#2
Tell Me This Is Not Normal
My BIL is recently divorced. The room he rents doesn't allow him to keep his kids (F11 and M9) on days he has them, so they stay with my MIL on those days.
Over the summer, my BIL asked if the kids could stay with me because he needed someone to watch them. I work from home and they're old enough to not need my full attention, so I agreed.
My husband and I noticed that when the kids were over they smelled pretty bad. My husband asked his brother when the last time they bathed was and he told him it had been a few days, and asked him if they smelled. My husband said yes, and his brother said he'd make sure they showered when they got home. My husband asked him why they weren't regularly bathing, and BIL said it was because their mom (MIL) made them feel uncomfortable.
Right away that response seemed like a red flag to me. I asked my husband what she could be doing to make them feel uncomfortable, and he instantly got defensive and kept telling me he didn't know.
A couple weeks later, I was texting back and forth with my SIL (BIL's ex wife). I asked he if she knew about her kids not bathing while they're with their dad, and she said she knew. That the reason was because their grandma (MIL) watches them while they shower.
I told my husband this information, and he didn't really react or seem shocked by it. I told him I no longer want our kids to be at his mom's house without him being present (I'm no contact with her, for other reasons) My husband agreed, but when I tried to talk to him about what his mom was doing, he got really defensive. So I hesitantly dropped the subject.
What shocks me is that I'm the only one here who really seems to be concerned about this. Why isn't anyone telling her that this isn't okay?
LeftEyedAsmodeus 9 hours ago
Seems like the Husband went through the same, it was traumatic, and he still has problems processing it.
#3
Mil Threw A Massive Tantrum Because We Moved Our Daughter’s 1st Birthday Party By One Day
I need to vent and get perspective on my unhinged MIL.
She has a history of hyper-focusing on our daughter (her first grandbaby). Sometimes it feels less like an excited grandma and more like she's trying to play mother when she’s around. She’s even accidentally referred to her as "her child"…
Anyways our daughter’s 1st birthday is coming up. My husband and I jointly decided to hold the party the day after her actual bday so my parents could make the trip and attend.
When my husband called his mom to explained our actual plans, she went nuclear. Turns out, she’s been planning her own party for our daughter’s bday without telling us. She was making plans with other family members to show up, assuming we’d just fall in line with her unannounced schedule. She flat-out refused the plan we made and said that she always has to compromise and will throw her own bday party on babies actual bday. She also blamed me entirely.
She refuses to accept that my husband has autonomy. In her mind, he can do no wrong, so I must be the one pulling the strings behind every decision and boundary we set.
On top of that, she said she’s "sick of tiptoeing around me." Her prime example? In the past, when she babysat, I laid out pjs for our daughter to wear, and apparently, this was an act of extreme tyranny.
My husband stood his ground, which infuriated her. She accused him of "always taking my side," insulted me, and hung up when he said: "We're the parents and you're the grandma, so we make the decisions."
We are united, but I’m exhausted by her resentment and refusal to respect us as a team. I just feel very confused. Has anyone dealt with a MIL like this?
Kirsten Kerkhof 7 hours ago
"She’s even accidentally referred to her as "her child" > there was nothing accidental about that!
Whether it’s constantly dropping in unannounced, making the occasional subtle but snide remark at the dinner table, or making their thoughts on how you do things known, shall we say, less delicately, we’ve all seen our fair share of pushy mothers-in-law. I mean, they’re practically pop culture’s favorite villains. But as lists like this show, the meddling mother-in-law stereotype is hardly confined to fiction, and plenty of people have learned firsthand that in-law conflicts are very real.
In fact, that might just be one thing couples and mothers-in-law agree on: a 2022 study published in Evolutionary Psychological Science found that men and women in the US “reported more conflict with mothers-in-law than with mothers, and mothers reported more conflict with their daughters-in-law than with their daughters.”
#4
Epic MIL Freak Out
Story time - 25 years ago, when my son was a newborn, MIL came for a visit with my husband’s half-brothers who were about 10 & 13 at the time. We live 1500 miles away in a different state, and had a small house.
We were all sound asleep in the back bedroom and were woken by shrieks and screams. MIL and the brothers were sleeping in the living room. It was 5am. MIL was screaming her youngest son’s name over and over. My first thought, judging by the sound, was that she had found him deceased. It was horrendous.
We jumped out of bed, and went to see what was happening. Both of the babies were crying. She was standing in the kitchen with her hands dripping with dish water, crying and screaming. I checked the boys and they were terrified but okay. I was confused.
She had poked her finger on a knife that was in the kitchen sink while washing the dishes. It was barely bleeding.
When DH realized what had happened, he started laughing. I could tell that he was laughing so he wouldn’t strangle her. We had thought there was a terrible accident, when in reality, she was drawing attention to herself for doing the dishes when everyone else was sleeping.
She’s always been extra. Unfortunately that was on the second day of their 7 day visit. She scared the hell out of all of us, and didn’t seem to realize why everyone was so [angry]. That was probably the worst thing she ever did. I seriously thought someone passed away.
#5
My MIL Is Now An “Estrangement” Content Creator
surprise surprise. my MIL- the one who attempted destroying my marriage back in May, who has been [terrible] to me for ten years, who blew up on my husband and i during my second pregnancy last year, who tried to meet my daughter in the nicu when i was still intubated and hadn’t met her myself- is a heroic estrangement content creator.
you can find her on facebook, instagram, tik tok, and youtube.
she literally has videos where she says “i’m allowed to not remember things happening a certain way.” and “memory loss is a thing you know!” and stuff about how intentions can be more important than impact. so if she “didn’t mean it” that’s all that matters.
someone on tik tok called her a gaslighting narcissist looking for external validation from strangers lol.
she uses ai to generate herself locked in a gothic castle screaming out for “her grandbabies” to not forget her.
#6
MIL Thinks She’s Entitled To Hold Our Baby
For context my newborn is 5 weeks old spent the first 24 hours in an incubator with an infection and since coming home has been back and forth to the hospital with prolonged jaundice, she’s having her bloods taken 1-2 times a week at the moment. Her urine came back positive for cmv on day 25 and they want more tests as are concerned it could be the congenital cmv. Her bilirubin levels are still high but stable as of last blood test. Yesterday I had a phone call that we need to bring her back in for more tests first thing this morning, as she’s too high risk and they can’t take any chances. Her results have been discussed with multiple specialist teams in bigger hospitals and they are making a plan. MIL has been told we aren’t passing baby around as health visitor had said safer not to till you know plus no need to at this age. Plus mother in law doesn’t accept boundaries as even after telling her absolutely no kissing baby she came over while I was mid breast feeding pulled the cover away and kissed baby directly on the face near her nose and mouth, that was after being repeatedly told she is not to do that.MIL is calling us cruel and has tried to say we are making stuff up because ‘if it was that serious she’d be in Hospital’ she even went as far as saying ‘if she is that ill then we should be allowed to hold her Incase smth happens because it’s not fair if we can’t’ she claims she spoke to her ‘doctor friend’ and it’s ’not normal and she would be in hospital if it was like that’ but no idea what lies she been feeding him as doesn’t tell the truth only her own story. So we have told her right now it’s safer for our daughter to not be held by other people as we do not know what could be happening in her little body right now and do not want to risk her getting sick. Plus we aren’t very comfortable passing her around either. MIL thinks I’m the problem. I do not know what else to do, am I wrong for not passing baby around?
One reason these relationships can be particularly tricky is that families are essentially “microcultures,” explains Professor Christine E. Kunkle, PhD, who has researched family and mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationships. Each has its own patterns of behavior, traditions, rituals, and expectations. This family culture, she says, is “like water to a fish”—easy to overlook when we’ve been swimming in it all the time. It’s only when we’re dropped into someone else’s water that, as Oprah Daily writer Rory Evans puts it, we “notice every detail, every tiny little bothersome bit of flotsam.”
#7
MIL Wants Me To Let Baby Go Hungry
Husband and I have a 3 month old baby girl. Shes clearly going through a growth spurt because we get her weight checked regularly. She takes a bottle of formula every 3 hours during the day. It is on the larger volume for her age (6 to 7oz) but she usually finishes it comfortably. She has mild reflux.
Twice this week MIL has been at our place and baby has started crying. Same exact situation both times. I look at the clock, see it has been almost 3 hours since baby's last feed and start preparing a bottle.
Bottle is ready. I ask "MIL, do you want to feed baby or shall I?". By this point baby has escalated crying.
MIL replies "she cannot possibly be hungry, its not been that long since the last feed. I bet she has a tummy pain. I bet she is bored." MIL dances baby around for a good 15 minutes with baby wailing.
By this point baby is too distraught to even eat without me calming her with her dummy first.
After this happened yesterday MIL's comments were not an apology but rather "baby should be able to go longer between bottles now, the packet says three to four hours. Wouldn't four be nicer? Wasnt she going almost four a few weeks back?"
I said babies are not robots and you need to feed them when they are hungry.
Husband asked her to leave abruptly. But when she had gone he said we wanted to ask a professional this week why our baby is "so hungry all the time" because maybe mil "has a point".
The way she gets into his head infuriated me. Also v sad because I am dealing with PPD and MIL is the most available person we have to watch baby for a few hours so I can go to therapy/have some me time etc. She used to be wonderful with baby in the newborn phase but now whenever I give advice about baby schedule or cues to her she takes it as an insult ("I DO know how to care for a child, you know")
I guess I am just grieving the idea of unconditional support with baby. I am also scared of leaving baby with MIL for hours in case she lets her go hungry. But shes meant to have her on friday night! And I have zero idea how to have a productive conversation with her!
My hair is already falling out but this makes me want to rip out even mooooore
Janissary35680 6 hours ago
Why is OP asking "MIL, do you want to feed baby or shall I?"? Why offer a hook in the first place or at least after the first incident?
#8
My MIL Doesn’t Wear Pants
I’m fat, I am not body shaming my MIL. I am a bigger woman and when I wear dresses I wear bike shorts underneath to remain decent.
My MIL is very overweight, fairly short, and literally walks around everywhere she goes wearing tshirt “dresses” and underwear, where you can see EVERYTHING underneath. Like a very short 2 sizes too small dress that doesn’t pass her hips. And always light pink briefs. People in public have stopped her to say something, but nobody in her family will address it. She was in the background of some pictures from my child’s bday party but literally everything was out to see so my family had to delete pictures. I’m also sick of her coming to my house and having her bare basically everything in my couch. I also don’t really want my daughter to think that is normal. It’s very indecent IMO. She will bend over in front of people to play with my daughter and you can see everything. It’s making me uncomfortable??? What is the point in this?
My husband said she has dressed like that his entire life, nobody in the family will say anything to her. They are very poor communicators and non confrontational about everything.
Is there a way I can politely address this? It’s just getting to the point of uncomfortable and I know 100000% if I were doing this I would want my husband or sister to say something, rather than have strangers come up and say things or have pictures taken.
She dresses this way year round if she sits on a couch the dress rides up so you can see her belly button just to give a reference on how short we’re talking. This is the only thing she wears. The only outfit. She has multiple of the same dress in different colours but always the same light underwear.
Rika 4 hours ago
How did she never meet cops in the street ?? Or security guards ? I find it hard to believe she's allowed to walk around or enter a supermarket in an outfit that sounds like public indecency. I could even imagine security calling the cops to check on her because people who "dress" like that usually have dementia or other serious mental issues.
#9
She Tried To Overrule Me On Pool Safety And Make My Kid Leap Into The Shallow End
My son was trying to jump into the shallow end of the pool so I told him hold on, let's go to the deeper end so you don't splat. The she-devil PUSHED ME ASIDE and told him to jump! I turned around and said very clearly, very do-not-[mess]-with-me NO! I do not want him to jump in a shallow end! She ignored me and kept trying to get my son to jump. My wife stepped in and chastised her. I wished I remembered what exactly she said, but I was in such fury that I tunnel visioned it out.
Of course she moped and pouted like she was the victim and we were being unreasonable. My son went back to playing happily and safely.
Psychologist Terri Apter, author of the 2009 book What Do You Want From Me? Learning to Get Along with In-laws, offers a similar perspective. She refers to our “blood families” as a kind of “very powerful template” that gets to the very core of who we are, and notes that we often don’t even realize we’re referring back to it. This “template,” she explains, teaches us how to behave and guides us in “the ways in which life may be lived and understood.” Within a family, she says, “there will be rules about how loud you can speak, how much emotion you can show, either positive or negative.” That’s why, she says, there are always cultural differences when two families overlap, and why we don’t always realize how deep these are.
#10
MIL Lifted My Shirt Up While I Was Breastfeeding And I’m Still Processing It (3 Weeks PP)
I’m 3 weeks postpartum and still very much in the “figuring out breastfeeding” phase. My husband and I were home when his mom and sister came over to see the baby.
I was nursing on the couch with my shirt draped over for coverage , nothing dramatic, just doing what I normally do. MIL comes in, says hi, sits right next to me, and starts touching baby’s feet and arms. Sweet, normal grandma stuff. Then she leans in closer to baby’s face and, before I even register what’s happening, she lifts my shirt straight up.
My breast is just… out. In front of my husband, in front of his sister. I froze for half a second before yanking my shirt back down. She genuinely looked startled and shocked and confused when she saw what she saw lol
My husband immediately says, “Mom, what are you doing?! She’s feeding the baby!”
And she goes, completely unbothered, “Oh it’s okay! Seen one breast, seen them all!”
My husband: “Doesn’t mean she wants you to see HER breasts!”
She got quiet and looked a little embarrassed after that. Husband and I talked about it after and we’re pretty sure she genuinely didn’t clock that I was breastfeeding under there ! She never nursed any of her kids, went straight to formula, so maybe the “covered shirt while holding baby” setup just didn’t compute for her the way it would for someone who’d done it themselves…?
Still though. My brain keeps looping back to the moment she actually grabbed my shirt and pulled it up. Like what did she think was under there that made lifting it seem like the move? Was she trying to see baby’s latch? Just curious about the baby in general and not thinking at all?
Genuinely asking , anyone had a MIL (or anyone) do something like this? How did you handle it going forward?
Now I bought a complete breastfeeding blanket cover thing that snaps in the back so this doesn’t happen again when people come over and just don’t realize that I’m literally feeding baby .
Heffalump 3 hours ago (edited)
This makes me just sad. Not just because her MIL is clearly a moron. Rather because, still, mothers feel the need to cover up when breastfeeding, even in their own homes. I look forward to the day when a nursing mother feels no more need to cover up when breastfeeding her child, anywhere, than she would feel the need to cover up a bottle, and where it is criminal offense like a*sault to harass her or make her feel in any way uncomfortable for so doing. As a straight guy, I very much appreciate a b00b in a s*xual situation, but feeding a child isn't s*xual, and it is adults who can't see the difference who should be ashamed, not a mother nursing her child.
#11
MIL Cried On The Phone For 40 Minutes
MIL called me last night to chat. My husband is working out of town and she wanted to “keep me company”. I hadn’t spoken to her in a while, and I was a bit lonely so I was okay with it.
About 20 minutes into the conversation she was asking about my daughter (D) D doesn’t like her grandmother much at all. MIL is very devout catholic and tends to proselytize a LOT at times which isn’t popular since none of us are religious. D has some problems (she’s 26) and has been NC with MIL for almost two years.
Anyway, when she brought up D, I was trying to run conversational interference. I told her that I wasn’t going to discuss it as the conversation gets extremely repetitive. D is an adult, and I have no control over her thoughts and feelings about MIL or about God and religion. I’ve told her this multiple times.
I changed the subject, and she started the waterworks. She cried about D not liking her, and before I knew it she was crying about my husband’s father and how they broke up. That was 52 years ago. It was a shocking performance. I flat out asked her to call me back when she was feeling less emotional and she cried harder. It was insane.
I remained calm, and told her again that I was hanging up. That’s when the love bombing started. She told me how wonderful I am, and that I’m her best and closest friend (still sobbing) and that she is the matriarch, but I will be there someday too. Barf.
I ended the call and had a stiff drink. I don’t think I will be taking her calls for a while. I just can’t imagine wanting to stay on the phone with someone while I was that upset. It’s manipulation and I’m sick of it.
#12
MIL Won’t Stop Trying To Put My Daughter In School
So for the past couple of months, my MIL has been insistent on putting my 3 year old daughter in school. Me and my husband have already told her that we want her to stay home until at least next year, when we put her in pre k. Shes already gone ahead and emailed a daycare and made me go with her to tour it.
Now she’s gone ahead and called and picked up an application at a head start school and won’t stop asking when I want to take the application. My husband told her today that we aren’t planning on it and she’s mad. I even told her on a phone call that it’s not up for discussion and that she needs to drop it. She’s making it seem like I’m ruining my child’s future by keeping her home one more year. She acts like I don’t read to my child or interact with her. It’s so annoying. Sometimes she’s super ignorant about things and she talks like we have no interest in our daughter’s education.
Idk what else to do to make her understand. Tell her straight up doesn’t do it, idk what will
This may help explain why we sometimes find it easier to connect with our own relatives than our in-laws. As Professor Gretchen Perry, co-author of In-Law Relationships in Evolutionary Perspective: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, explains, people tend to share more beliefs, interests, and mutual understanding with their immediate families than with their in-laws, where there’s “less of an overlap in common agreement.”
#13
Why Does The Birth Of A New Baby Break Them?
Up until about 7 mo this ago I’d have told you I had the ideal situation. We got along well, no one jumped into our business and we helped when it was needed and vice versa. Being pregnant has triggered some unknown JNMIL curse that I was unaware of.
We’ve known each other for over a decade with no issues! Now all of a sudden it’s constant little comments, asking about me but not really caring about the answer, about how my rough pregnancy experience is one I need to suck it up and get over it etc etc. Then the emotional manipulation about not being needed when we genuinely don’t need help and how she’s unwanted etc etc. like Jesus. It’s like a baby has broken her mind. And it’s not even the first grandchild! It’s the 4th! Just the first from us. I don’t get it. He’s not even born yet! I’m a little shocked tbh. I wouldn’t have pegged her for this.
#14
I Saw Just No MIL For The First Time In Almost 9 Months
I’ve been no contact with mil since my baby was eight weeks old for crossing boundaries. She took it so far to call my mom and ask her why she doesn’t get to see baby my mom basically told her all the stuff she did when I was freshly pp. biggest one was lying that she was sick or was around sick ppl to still get access to my newborn. My mom told her she needed to apologize to me. And try to make things right in order to see her grand daughter.
My husband has also told her why she doesn’t see baby and she needed to apologize. She never did. She told my husband whatever she said she needed to explain herself to me not apologize.
All summer I’ve been avoiding family parties and anywhere they’d be but this weekend we were at a party they also attended. Mil acted like everything was normal tried to hug me and converse with me like normal. She even tried to take my daughter from my husband.
I was sitting with my daughter the entire party she was sitting by herself never once came to talk to me or apologize for calling me lazy after I had baby or telling me my breastmilk won’t fill her she needs formula, trying to push her religious beliefs on my baby when she was 3 weeks old. All things my husband and mother told her upset me. She’s talked to everyone else about me but not talk to me.
When I saw her at the party I thought she would try and say something like “I’m sorry can we put everything in the past”. I think that’s all I wanted to just let it al go. When I told my husband my thoughts. He said he doesn’t think she will ever apologize to me 🫤.
I did not let her hold my daughter nor fil. My mom thought it was a bit harsh that I didn’t let them at least hold her. For me it’s the entitlement they’re the type of ppl that think they can do whatever and as long as some times passed everything is fine and because they’re her grandparents they have rights to her
#15
The Beginning Of The End Of My Relationship With Her: A Story
I was able to pinpoint the beginning of the end of our relationship-the turning point. Mine was textbook where things were fine until I got pregnant.
My mom and I were planning my baby shower which was an unwrapped shower - people show up with the gift unwrapped and you put cards out so you can see who gave what. The reasoning was we were renting a hall and I didn’t want to spend 1.5 hours of a 3 hour shower opening things because my bff was flying in from across the country and I wanted to spend time with her and other guests (actually several traveled in for it). I had been to a ton of unwrapped showers recently. Note: though mil wasn’t planning the shower, I still involved her in some stuff like getting people together the week before to make cookies, so I tried to include her in stuff too.
Mil lost her [mind] over this unwrapped concept. Hated it. Complained that she was “missing out” on the “shower experience” because of it. I told her I would open hers, but this is how I wanted it. And she could still see what everyone got me! She called me about this three separate times leading up to the shower. I didn’t budge; having time to talk to guests was my priority.
The shower was fantastic. People loved it and were so kind and complimentary of the food and decor and everything. I felt so loved. Some other friends even surprised me by visiting. It was truly amazing.
Mil called me after the shower. I really thought she was going to tell me how much she enjoyed it. Instead she told me how much she hated the display shower.
My neighbor came over a few days later for coffee and said mil was trash talking me and my shower decisions at her table where my neighbor was sitting.
Anyway it’s been downhill from there.
Nicola Roberts 11 minutes ago
Never heard of this concept, but I'm not against it. I know in some cultures the gift wrap is as important as the gift. However, I'm thinking the amount of waste that is reduced is a great thing. Less ribbon, shiny paper, sticky tape to go into landfill and it's also save a couple of quid on something that goes straight into the bin.
And when it comes to mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, the picture can be even more complicated. As BBC features correspondent Megan Carnegie explains, research has long suggested that “a woman and her mother-in-law are more likely to clash than male members of the family.” Apter’s research, conducted over more than two decades, found that 60% of women said their relationship with a female in-law caused them long-term unhappiness and stress. They described these relationships with terms including “strained,” “uncomfortable,” “infuriating,” “depressing,” “draining,” and “simply awful.”
#16
MIL Gave Us Expired Crackers And Moldy Cheese
I recently gave birth (1 week postpartum when this happened) and my MIL and FIL told my husband that they’d bring us “dinner” when they came to visit the baby. Well, dinner ended up being an expired box of crackers and a package of cheddar cheese that was literally BLUE from mold when hubby opened it for a late night snack 🫠
Ok that’s all, rant over
#17
MIL Gets Me Asian-Themed Everything Mo
This is more of something to laugh about but here it is.
MIL is a generally ok person, albeit some petty passive aggressiveness and cattiness that I just have to get over. HOWEVER, I’ve noticed a trend where whenever she gets me something (ie a bday gift, some gifts from when her and FIL travel, etc), she always has to give me something Asian related😭. For context, I’m half-asian and she is very much a white woman from middle America. I don’t normally take offense but it is a big bruh moment when it happens. Like most recently, she got me a plant for my birthday (thanks ig?) and it was called a Chinese Money plant. Ok, moving on. But that got me thinking as this last Christmas, she got me chopsticks and an oriental hand fan. Like… what do I even do with that. I can name a few more gifts, but the common thread is that they are all somehow related to Asia. I don’t expect gifts from her, but it does feel like she just types “Asian gifts” into Google whenever it’s gift giving season.
There’s not much to say or do other than laugh at this point lol.
#18
MIL Is Calling Me Her “Other Daughter”… How Do I Shut That Down?
She doesn’t like me. She asked my now husband not to marry me. She talks bad about me when I’m not around but I think she has seen the damage her actions have caused and now she is back tracking. Instead of apologizing she has just moved on and acts like we are the perfect happy family and me and her and I are now best friends. She puts on huge fake performances and it makes me really uncomfortable.
She wants me to call her mom but now she is calling me her “other daughter”🤢 she says it so much now that I am suspecting she says it and expects me to validate her feeling and roll with it and call her mom and gush about how much I love her because she gushes about how much she loves me.
This week she texted me saying “I love you and I’m checking in on my “other daughter” how has your week been…” I didn’t respond to that, just skipped it and told her about my week. Her next text was “oh that’s so good to hear that my other daughter is … ect” 🤢
I do have a sense of humor so I’m not (too) afraid to push back but what the hell can I say back to her? This woman is giving me stage 5 clinger ick.
She is coming down in a week to visit us and she is giving off the vibes where she needs me to validate her unstable feelings… how do I shut this down😂
Crystalwitch60 1 hour ago
You say ,MIL I am not your other daughter ,if I was ,that means I’d have married my own brother and let that sink in 🤣
Experts have suggested that patriarchal traditions and gendered stereotypes may help explain why these relationships can be particularly fraught. As Apter is quoted as saying, “Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflict often emerges from an expectation that each is criticizing or undermining the other, but this mutual unease may have less to do with actual attitudes and far more to do with persistent female norms that few of us manage to shake off completely.”
And those norms are reinforced by the way these relationships are portrayed more broadly. As Carnegie notes, “a potent mix of patriarchal traditions, media tropes and characters in pop culture also popularise the idea that in-law relationships will be tense at best, toxic at worst—especially among women.”
#19
Mil Shared Our News
Wow. Just wow.
FH and I are keeping our wedding date secret until the invites go out, but MIL shared OUR news with her side of the family. Why? She thinks our invitation list is inadequare and this is her way of pressuring us to concede to what she thinks is best by getting family memebers not on the list to text us.
(And no, she in no way contributed financially to this wedding).
It's even worse because FH EXPLICITLY told her NOT to share and even shared with her the details of why he doesn't want the news out publicly yet - but her own entitlement couldn't handle less than a week of secrecy out of respect for - nope not mine - but her OWN SON'S boundaries.
Needless to say we are both upset about this.
We're damage controling with family, but she has made herself no longer privvy to plans or announcements before they're public knowledge. I consider this a win since now we know she is untrustworthy before we're married and how to handle that moving forward.
If this were a pregnancy announcement I would be off the wall [angered].
My other comfort is that FH sees this toxic behavior too and he's even less for the BS than I am.
#20
MIL Acts Like A Dog Marking Territory Going On 5 Years Now
Ever since I met my husbands mother she always marked her territory by giving him a wet loud kiss on his cheek. She does it in the most random moments .. for example- we could be out to dinner with my husband and his parents and during a conversation or dinner she will get up and kiss him On the cheek. She also tries to hold his hand when we are sitting down or having conversations as a family outing. And she always has to sit next to him or close as possible. One time we had them over to watch the football game and I got up to get another slice of pizza and she jumped into my spot and tried to cuddle with my husband- who was not reacting and was obviously not interested.
Yesterday we were at there house and I got up to go to the bathroom while I was in the bathroom. She must’ve went over and tried to kiss him on the cheek and he told her no that he needs to start treating her like a grown man and that he is not a little kid anymore. I came out of the bathroom and his dad said did you hear what happened? His mom isn’t allowed to kiss him anymore. It was very awkward and I just kind of said nothing and tried to change the conversation. She said but your my son. They asked me if my mom tries to kiss my brother and I said no and they asked if my brother tries to kiss my mom and I also said no. I said usually it’s more of a casual hello and goodbye.
Every time she tries to do this to my husband, it makes me feel weird, but I also feel bad for her at the same time. It makes me feel on edge and uncomfortable like I have to watch out for her next move, so I really hope that she respects his boundary. I feel that if it were my adult son, I would want to treat him as such and also respect that he is grown and has a wife.
#21
Just To Vent
I think my JNMIL is obsessed with being my son’s mother rather than his grandmother. She’s always bragging about how much milk she had when she had her children — ‘I had enough milk for twins’ — and yesterday she asked me, out of the blue, if I still had enough milk to breastfeed my son, who is EBF (I actually have enough milk to donate to the milk bank).
A few minutes later, she was holding my son, who was hungry and looking for the breast. Instead of handing him back to me, she said, ‘Grandmothers should have milk to breastfeed their grandchildren too.’
That may be why Evans suggests letting go, if you can, of “the trope of the hostile in-law relationship, with all its baggage and bad punch lines.” Part of the problem is that these expectations can follow people into the relationship itself. As therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab, author of Drama Free, explains, both mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law can enter the relationship with preconceived ideas about how the other person should behave. “Even before you meet, you think, This is how this person should be.” A better approach, she suggests, is to “imagine the relationship without the title. Pretend you’re walking into a relationship with a coworker—that has lower stakes, right?”
#22
Always Keeping Tabs On Our Sunday Plans And I’m Tired Of It
Title sums it up. I’ve just been tired of my MIL constantly asking if our Sunday plans include going to church. My husband and I don’t go to church because it’s our only slow day and we just want to spend it at home to get some rest for the following work week. She kept telling us that we’re missing spiritual guidance on life and our married life by not going to church and that it only takes an hour. Sure, the service only takes an hour but getting ready and getting there already takes up time and I just want to rest. I don’t think I’m really missing out on much. Like, ok I don’t go to church but I am sure I’m not a bad person. To note, I’m a believer but I just don’t consider myself too religious. I’d rather be this way than her who constantly speaks of the teachings and yet thinks people who don’t go to church and don’t have the same faith as hers will burn in h3ll. It’s really none of her business and she’s not the one to judge whether I or others need to go to church. I’m just so tired of it all.
#23
Is My MIL Being Passive Aggressive?
so I’m 3 months postpartum now, and I avoid going to my in laws house and taking my baby there because they aren’t good people, and they don’t respect boundaries, like kissing my baby. well I hadn’t gone over there in a month and as soon as we got there my MIL said “you know we want to see you and want you to come over with the baby right?“ she just said it staring at me. and then later in the night she said “I know it’s SO HARD for you to get out” said that to me randomly 🤷♀️ idk why. I hate going to her house yes, but we get out a lot with our baby.
And after someone else’s baby shower she texted me to compliment me but then says she can tell I’m on my toes and it’s those hormones and to hang in there.
she also tried to take my baby away from me when she was crying. and I was about to go feed her, she said she could take her to a quiet room alone to calm her down. I said “i hold her if shes crying“ and she just said ok. she was weirdly standing very close to my husband when he was holding her and waited for her to cry so she could ask. I wouldn’t mind all of this so much if she hadn’t already said some weird things.
edit to add:
she’s been passive aggressive in the past like offering me her old clothes because they‘re “way to big for her” when I’m not bigger than her, I’m just tall. and has asked me if I think I have damage from the vaccines I got 🙄
#24
Why Does She Try And Draw Me Into Arguments?
Hi-my MIL is here visiting (staying at a hotel this time, thankfully) but almost every time my husband is out of earshot or out of the room she tries to draw me into an argument. It’s feels like she has topics up her sleeve that she knows we’ll disagree about and wants to create conflict. The regular stuff like religion and politics, but her upper middle class wealth and privilege gives her opinions that I don’t agree with. I’ve learned to say that I disagree and won’t discuss the subject anymore, but then she starts up something different next time. Why does she do this? I try and keep subjects light and friendly so the visit can go well, but she won’t quit. WHY!? I’m tired, but i only have one day left!
And perhaps there’s something to be said for that mindset. You can respect someone, care about them, and work toward a common goal without assuming you have to agree on everything or become BFFs. In this case, that common goal might be a son, daughter, or partner who feels happy, supported, and loved. The trick, perhaps, is remembering that there are different ways to support that goal—and that sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is respect someone else’s boundaries.
#25
MIL Overstepping With 5 Year Old, Picking Out Her Clothes With Her For The First Day Of School
MIL was generous to ask to buy my daughter some outfits for the first day of school. She said it’s a tradition in their family so I said okay. I had my daughter pick out a few things on Amazon and I thought that was nice of MIL.
The first day of school was today. MIL came out last night because she’s in town to “help” me out. She came over and immediately said to my daughter, “let’s go pick out your outfit for school tomorrow.” I was annoyed but I didn’t say anything because I felt like it wasn’t that bad since she bought my daughter school clothes.
She came over today after school and after we ate dinner and I was cleaning up after everyone, she says to my daughter, “Let’s go pick out your outfit for tomorrow!” At this point I was irritated and I said, “Is that a grandma job?” And I said to my kids’ dad, “did your grandma help you pick out your outfits when you were in school?” MIL said, “yes Colleen took them shopping!” She didn’t answer the question and she pretended that she only wanted to see what my daughter picked out…but that’s not what she said to my daughter.
I wasn’t having it. This is my only daughter. I said to her, “I feel like you’re taking this moment away from me. Picking out her clothes for her first days of school is overstepping.” My kids’ dad flipped out on me. They left abruptly. I’m happy I stood my ground. I let the behavior go on the first day and I wasn’t going to let it happen again. Now I’m the bad guy (again) but I honored my feelings and that is a win for me.
#26
Jnmil Obsessed With My “Employment”
DH saw MIL/FIL this weekend for FIL’s birthday. He went to their house and spent the night. Both are JN’s, but JNMIL is the drama stirrer as my DH was her substitute husband/emotional confidante when their marriage got rocky. Obviously when I came into the picture, she lost her [mind].
DH told me the ONLY things JNMIL asked about was my job. What I’m doing, who I’m working for, etc. Mind you, I have been self employed for almost a year, running a small business, and I do contract work on the side for people locally, all of which JNMIL is aware of. I’ve only had 2 jobs since DH and I got together, which JNMIL made frequent comments about me “job hopping.”
DH repeatedly reminded her I’m self-employed and do contract work on the side, which has always been the arrangement. She acted stunned as if she didn’t realize my small business was “actually a business” and that I’m “working for so many different people”
BTW, JNMIL barely worked herself, and despite not having a job, had a house keeper and had meals delivered every night while DH was a child. So it’s really rich coming from her.
#27
MIL Lied About Kissing Our Baby - Keeps Lying And Destroying All Trust
So we have this rule that nobody kisses our baby. I know a lot of people do not agree but this just has always been our rule (health, bodily boundaries etc). Now MIL was over a couple of weeks ago and kissed our baby and blew raspberries in his neck. When it happened I grabbed him and washed him off and my husband wrote her afterwards to not do this again. This has been a rule since before we had him so we were both to shocked to speak. I know, dumb. Her response: I didn’t do it. Husband then went NC for two weeks and now she wrote again and said that all our rules are too complicated and she did kiss him and blow raspberries.
She did not apologize.
I’m just so fed up with the lying. This has not been the first time. There was one incident when he was a NEWBORN where she didn’t tell us about her passing out (resolved now) out of fear that she wouldn’t be allowed to hold him. Being completely fine with risking dropping a baby. She then lied about when she found out and when she told other people etc. One of my husband’s cousins told us because she was afraid that she would drop him.
I’m just so [angry] now. Like how would I ever be able to trust her if her first instinct is lie? He will never be alone with her but what if he would be and he’d fall and hit his head and she wouldn’t tell us out of fear of not seeing him anymore?
I’m so angry at her. How do adult people behave this way.
But unfortunately, not every mother-in-law seems interested in taking that approach. For some, boundaries are less a line to respect than a challenge to overcome. And that brings us to the stories on this list. Let us know which ones hit a little too close to home—or made you a little more grateful for your own in-laws.
#28
Naming Of Our First Child
Hi everyone,
My partner and I have already chosen a name, and it’s unisex so it doesn’t matter the gender.
However, my MIL has said that if it’s a girl, then we absolutely cannot name her this name. But if it’s a boy, then she can live with it.
It’s insane to me, because the name is Max. We love the name. MIL doesn’t like the name for a girl because her distant relative is named Max and is a girl and she’s apparently a jerk. That’s literally the reason.
She has said to me, and I quote “you can’t name her Max. I won’t allow it, that’s the only thing I will ever say. It cannot be Max”
Would I be wrong to name our (possible) daughter Max, out of spite? But not even out of spite because she literally has no say. Idk, help a girl out please
#29
Well, It Happened
I’m 7.5 months pregnant and my MIL comments on my body every time she sees me since she found out at 12 weeks. she also announced the pregnancy to others despite being asked not to until my 20 week US so we knew all was well and the baby was going to stick, after a multi year infertility journey.
well last night my worst fear on the MIL pregnancy bingo card happened - she invited herself to my delivery.
beyond the body comments she also had to pick a special grandma name for herself despite being in her mid 70s and is wildly grandma-aged (I am only ok with custom grandma names if you’re like 38 becoming a grandma or if there is some strange dynamic where the kid has extra grandparents and you don’t want to call them all the same thing). she also keeps calling the baby “ours” like including herself which would never have bothered me if it were not for all the other [stuff]. she also wants to be living with us after the birth, I found out last night.
It’s like she has the awkward MIL bingo card in front of her and she is daubing them all off as we get closer to the deadline. my partner spoke to her about not making comments about my body anymore because it was literally every time I saw her - and yet last night she told me I looked like I was gonna have a ten pounder.
Multa Nocte (she/her 8647) 7 hours ago
I thought you were allowed to decide who attended the birthing?
#30
MIL Hosting An Event To “Show Off The Next Generation”
We have a very difficult relationship with my JNMIL, she’s narcissistic. Truly I don’t know that she does this maliciously but everything is about her. We live about an hour from each other and she cannot be bothered to see our kids. We recently had a new baby and MIL has met baby 2x in 5 mos, one of those times initiated by me. Highlights: made my parent’s cancer diagnosis about her (I hope you don’t feel you need to spend more time with them, I could be gone tomorrow!) to essentially ruining every milestone my parter and I have had by trying to manipulate and control him. Notably MIL is a social media fiend and saves pictures that we post to repost about our kids (no tag so we just every now and then see a photo we’ve posted on her social pages).
Anyhoo. About two months ago MIL says she wants to host a gathering, a cook out. In my head I’m like we don’t need 2+ mos notice to grill with you but okay. I told partner I should set a play date for our child and just go with baby because she would be bored and they said, I think MIL wants the kids there, like that’s the whole point. I asked why they say that…:It turns out she sent out an invitation (my partner got it, I did not) with details. MIL invited her extended family (think aunts/uncles/cousins) who I’ve never met despite being together 15 years (partner recalls meeting a few of these people as a child). The invitation is to gather together to “meet the new generation of (family name)” our children will be the only kids there. She’s having a party to show off our kids who she sees on a quarterly basis…
I’m going to wear our baby to try to avoid him being passed around/used as a prop, but I’m so beyond irritated that my kids are once again being used to perpetuating this wonderful grandparent performance for people who won’t know better. We’re now debating making an appearance for an hour and a half or so and then leaving to visit friends nearby, jerk move?
#31
Entitled And Expects Weekly Visits
My husband and I have a 6 month old. Mil has always been controlling and demanding, but having a child has made things much worse. My husband and I are middle school teachers and didn’t have to work all summer, so we could easily accommodate weekly visits throughout the summer. In hindsight, we should’ve stopped the weekly visits a long time ago, but I can’t change the past. Now that we’re both working full time, we only get to see our son a few hours each night. He also is not a good sleeper, so we are exhausted.
Mil has reached out three times in five days about seeing baby. We saw them Saturday AND Sunday last weekend! She texted me Monday asking when they could see baby this week. I was brief and said I had no idea, as we are just taking things day by day. She then called and texted husband a day or two later, begging us to go out this weekend so she can babysit. He told her that this is not a good weekend, as we are busy the entire weekend. He also told her that we are no longer able to accommodate weekly visits, as we are back to working full time. She gave him the silent treatment. Last night, she then texted me asking if they can see the baby this weekend, even though she knows we’re busy. She said they would love to see him for just a little bit. I told her we are not able to see them this weekend, and she never responded.
Here’s the pattern I am seeing: she disguises all her attempts as helpful and loving, until she gets an answer that she doesn’t like. She then moves to the silent treatment, or starts a fight (with my husband, never me) and tries again in a day or two presenting a new request. She never accepts “no” and moves on. Im so sick and tired of it. I am EXHAUSTED and done managing the emotions and expectations of a 60 year old woman. How much more direct do we need to be? I have always tried being civil with this woman, but I’m getting close to my wits end.
Also, she knows how hard sending my son to daycare has been. I have been in shambles!!! I went from every waking second with him to now losing 50 hours per week with him. It absolutely breaks my heart. She never had to do daycare, she was a stay at home mom. That makes the demands to see my son even more upsetting because she does not have the ability (or care enough) to put herself in my shoes. It’s all about her agenda and what she wants.
Multa Nocte (she/her 8647) 6 hours ago
I don't understand why people continuously entertain people like this and then complain about them.
#32
My MIL Created A Scene When I Was 4 Days Postpartum
My MIL created a scene when I was just 4 days postpartum. My husband and I really liked a name for our baby so when our baby was born (via an emergency c section) we decided to reveal the name to our immediate family. She was behind this topic even during pregnancy and wanted to have a say or rather wanted to name the baby herself. At 3rd day postpartum she said the name we chose has the meaning that’s not good and then gave a sly remark about how we didn’t consult her so now we just have to live with our baby’s terrible name. Obviously I was pissed but wanted to avoid any fights (also my husband and my mother were completely silent at the moment, like always) I just thought I’ll avoid talking to her for a while. Next day when I was discharged from the hospital and went to home with my baby, in the name of decoration my MIL, FIL, Brother in law and his wife completely disrupted my home (moved furniture and even curtains). I was pissed again but just calmed myself thinking baby is the first priority. When I went inside the room to feed the baby, my husband did a lot of to and fro from my room to the room my in laws were staying all the while telling them to leave our house and stay at my brother in law’s instead. To this everyone just assumed it was me who ordered my husband to say this to them and then my MIL started crying and my husband and FIL hugged her and comforted her. Then everyone left the house leaving behind me my husband and my mother. When I asked what was the need to cry (not only in my living room but also outside the home in the apartment complex for our neighbours to see) my MIL, FIL, brother in law and his wife of 3 months now fought with me. What should I do and how should I heal now? I have been feeling like an outsider in my own home since past 5-6 years now.
#33
My MIL Is Out Of Touch And It Is Angering Me
Me(33f) and my husband (35m) just got married and we are looking for a house. right now we live in my one bedroom condo and are bursting at the seams. We have been looking since before we got married probably at least a few months. We have been looking in the 350-430k range which where we live can get you a decent house. We are not afraid of some projects but not too much. Now on to my MIL. My husband called his mother to update him that we found a really good house in our price range. We sent her the listing and she absolutely hates it. Some of her concerns my husband and I have discussed and dismissed. The main thing that is getting me angry is how out of touch she is. She told my husband that we need to look under 300k. She still lives in the house my husband grew up in which means she hasn't bought a house since the 80s. She is also blames me because my husband makes way more money then I do. She also refuses to look online at houses or change her opinion when we tell her an under 300k house isn't feasible unless we want to do more work then we are comfortable with. She does zero work and yet wants to impose her will on us. I feel like we are lucky that we are at least finding some houses in our price range. Everyone is saying I am being too emotional but I feel like we take one step forward and getting hit 10 steps back.
#34
MIL Is Expecting A Visit Every Weekend!
My MIL and I generally get on nowadays, largely due to the fact that we have moved out of her house. She is still overbearing and still intrusive, but my husband’s manages her or I just say things as they are. I prefer communicating via text because I can think about what I want to say and I have proof of our conversation. Anyways, we went over to her house on the weekend, bear in mind we’ve not seen her for exactly 9 days. She starts by giving me (not my husband) a huge lecture on respecting elders, they don’t want anything from you but respect, that they just want your time etc. and then proceeds to tell me that she expects us to come every weekend without fail. She said she understands we are busy in the week, but we should make time for family on the weekend. She then said to my husband that if we don’t come she will get ill. My husband and I just looked at each other like ‘what is her problem?’
I already know what I’m going to do: ignore her comments and still do whatever my husband and I want. It’s just so damn frustrating that this woman seems so entitled to our time. WE (my husband, son and I) are a family now. What about OUR family time? My husband and I both work, weekends are our own full days together. We run errands, organise ourselves for the week, maybe even have a family day out to treat our son and make some memories. We also don’t just have her as family. What about making space in our lives for other relatives? What about my own parents? What about friends? It’s just what she wants when she wants it.
I do have my own relatives coming over next weekend. This woman said to me that I need to tell her when they come over so that she can come over and say hello, which I’m sure is just another excuse for her to try and get us to commit to this ‘see me every weekend’ thing she wants. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to have her there too. My family is going to travel 4 hours here and 4 hours back. I have very limited time with them as it is. I don’t want us all to feel on edge because my MIL has randomly planted herself into a gathering that wasn’t for her.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t actually mind spending time with her, but not THIS much.
#35
I Really Don’t Like My Engagement Ring And I Think My Mother In Law Had Something To Do With It
I have been married for two years now, I love my husband and I am very happy.
However my engagement ring looks nothing like what I hinted at. I sent him pictures, and looked at jewelry with him months before he proposed.
My mother in law helped him find the ring. My husband sent her the pictures and she pretty much chose the ring. To me the ring looks outdated but not in a vintage classic way.
So I don’t think my husband put much efforts into finding a ring.
I ended up with a ring that I don’t like, aside from the stone color and shape.
I did recently share my feelings with my husband, he felt horrible and wanted to make it up and get a new ring. I told him to just wait for our 5 year anniversary to upgrade the ring. So I can’t wait.
But now my mother in law is shopping around for a new ring ( For herself). She sent me some pictures and the ring is identical to some of the ones I showed my husband! We might have matching rings when I upgrade…
I don’t want to think negatively but I am starting to feel that my mother in law picked out a ring she knew I would not like.
#36
MIL Wont Stop Leaving The Room With My Baby
My MIL takes my baby to another room any chance she gets with him. She has done this since he was born and it is driving me crazy, ive asked my husband to say something and he is too scared to. Hes 4 months now and i am at the point where I don’t want her holding him anymore because she continues to do it, normally i will follow her shortly after, today i wanted to give my husband the chance to stop her and he didnt.
Am i being crazy for being upset about this?
She is always making passive aggressive comments and makes everything about herself.
#37
Last Minute Plans
Just a little story
DH and daughter were driving through the parking lot of the store they were going to and saw MIL SILs and their spouses vehicles all having dinner together. MIL saw DH's very identifiable truck driving through the parking lot, and started flagging him down!
MIL got to the truck to talk to him and saw that he didn't have our newborn with him and said "next time have the baby with you"
He said "Well if we were invited to family dinner we would have had him" MIL tried to tell him it was just so last minute that they didn't tell us but we live 5 minutes from the restaurant they were at so it didn't add up.
Oh well at least she didn't get what she wanted out of seeing DH so consider that a win, thank goodness I wanted stay home with the baby lol
#38
Why Is Mil Doing This?
Trying to conceive and have been asked to take zero stress. Mil does something everyday and puts me in chain of overthinking.
She can't communicate at all. Moreover, she twists everything from our daily kitchen related talks and presents them to my husband and my fil in a way that I don't intend to help her or am irresponsible towards house duties.
Eg: a routine kitchen conversation -
Mil: if you are going to the grocery right now, to get potatoes, please get a packet of papad
Me: I am not going to grocery right now , I will go to buy potatoes in evening
Mil: ok
Mil to my husband: I told her to bring papad, she refused saying she is busy
( Btw she never said Direct that she wanted me to buy papad)
she portrays like she is the good one and I am the bad one.
Husband obviously supports me but these silly and petty things point out that she has so much poison for me. It really makes me feel helpless that someone hates me so much. And can turn things against me so easily .
Janissary35680 5 hours ago
Papad: Common Hindi and North Indian term for a crispy lentil snack; AKA poppadom. TIL
#39
It Finally Happened
So me and my husband live with my MIL and she crosses boundaries constantly including cleaning up our area and doing the laundry when we explicitly asked her not to as it's a violation of privacy. We live in the downstairs area and she comes down without our permission. I'm under the opinion that you should try and prevent embarrassing things from happening because once it does there's no recovering the relationship. Well now she finally saw some things I wish she didn't see as she came down when we were out of the house as usual. It's kind of embarrassing to discuss it but let's just say I can't face her now. What do we even do now? I can't talk to her about it, it's too embarrassing. Basically she did my laundry and some women here may guess why that's embarrassing.. How do I even talk to her about this when she won't listen?
I've changed some real life details of this post to keep me anonymous but no I can't get a lock.
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