Not All Men But Almost All Women: Post About Women’s Safety Concerns In Response To Sarah Everard’s Tragedy Goes Viral
Interview With Author
In the aftermath of the tragic death and suspected murder of Sarah Everard, a 33-year-old marketing executive from South London, the police made door-to-door inquiries reportedly warning women not to wander alone in the streets. In turn, many felt like such an approach only adds to the already flawed culture of victim-blaming.
Lucy Mountain, a personal trainer and Instagram influencer, is just like many women who tread those pavements day after day and think of the surrounding neighborhoods and streets in them as their home. So she felt an urge to use her Instagram platform of 463k followers to voice her views on how “a woman was not allowed to walk home” in light of Sarah Everard’s case.
Lucy penned a powerful message that shed light on what women go through every day as part of their auto-pilot defense mechanism. Perpetual fear of being approached, harassed, and hurt has penetrated our ways of going through our daily lives from the very core and since childhood, the author claimed.
So let’s see her powerful and heartbreaking message that has since gone viral with 2.6 million likes, that will make you pause and reflect.
Lucy Mountain penned this powerful message about women not allowed to walk alone in light of Sarah Everard’s tragic murder
Image credits: lucymountain
Bored Panda reached Lucy Mountain, a personal trainer and founder of Nobs Guides, whose heartfelt post on Instagram went viral, resonating with more than 2.6 million people. Lucy told us that she, just like many women, relates to Sarah since “Any of us could have been her.”
Image credits: lucymountain
“We have all done that walk after dark. We have all taken the precautions of wearing flat shoes, calling a loved one and sticking to main roads,” Lucy stated. She said that “these are all things women are ‘advised’ to do to protect themselves, and it’s still not enough.”
“‘Text me when you get home’ is a text which we all send and receive—and the relatability of this perfectly describes how normalized it is for women to not feel safe when they are alone. This is not okay.”
Lucy also said that the reactions she got from people were “extremely bittersweet.” “On the one hand, I am so proud of the conversations which have been opened up and the stories shared by extremely brave women. It’s given us time to reflect on our own past experiences of harassment—and help us potentially find closure on situations where we were victim-blamed.”
In the aftermath of Sarah’s murder, police reportedly warned women to be careful about venturing out alone
Image credits: LambethMPS
However, Lucy feels that “it’s heartbreaking that the post felt so relatable to so many women,” and added that “4 days on, there is still an influx of ‘whataboutism’ from people trying to derail the conversation.” But for the most part, the personal trainer feels that the feedback has been mainly support and self-reflection “from men by their own actions and women on their past experiences.”
“We need to stop teaching women how to better protect themselves from men and teach men how to stop harassing and attacking women. The conversation shouldn’t be telling women what type of clothing they should wear so as not to ‘provoke’ an attack. The conversation shouldn’t be telling women to not go outside after a certain time.”
This conversation “is about how we stop harassment from men being such a normalized part of a woman’s life experience,” Lucy concluded.
Lucy’s message tugged deeply at the heartstrings and touched 2.6 million people on Instagram
Saw a headline today: "Women should feel heard". No. Women should BE heard. And others should *listen*. *sigh*
Elizabeth Luttreel should NOT be heard, because she's a bot - but everyone else. And, further - everybody should take it serious. This isn't about changing predators ... we won't, we can't, at least not on the spot or against their will. This article to me is a reminder to always prefer caution before bravery, to walk the extra mile (to your sister's, female friend's, ... home) because not doing so might prove itself highly regrettable. Honestly, depriving a predatory man from a chance to execute this behaviour even may count as something done for them, too, as not committing a crime is the best way to evade any punishment - and whoever hasn't done any wrong yet is one where it's not too late to reevaluate themselves. And, in general, this isn't saying women deserved any of this. They don't, no one deserves the need to be cautious when they're doing nothing special ... but still, it might be necessary ... and this isn't about feeling uncomfortable either ... I wish it was only that...
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I have two daughters, ages 20 and 22, and this terrifies me. Text me when you get home is my standard phrase to them. I can also track them on my phone. I hope nothing bad ever happens......RIP Sarah
When I read that I thought about all the women in my life and it made me scared for them. Society should not tolerate this. Perhaps we could put one or two police back on the beat to patrol lonely areas?
Since it was a police officer who kidnapped & murdered Sarah, I'm not sure extra officers on patrol would be that helpful.
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How about a male curfew? No man allowed out after 8pm unless escorted by a woman. He can be inside in his registered place of work, or inside at his home, between 8pm and 5am, or he must be escorted by a responsible adult woman. If he needs to go someplace, he goes with a woman. Just as a temporary measure, until men stop attacking women.
And in case I wasn't clear enough for the not-all-men-ers; Yes, I'm being ironic. But this is what it is like to be a woman. Any time you go out alone at night, you aren't safe. How about men take a turn carrying the cost of that?
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My male partner was very surprised when I explained him that women that sell items online never do it from their home (unless they are too big) because there is a big chance that they will get assaulted. Or how we do things like mentioning that our partner is about to arrive to make sure that men dont try anything. He never even thought about it. Its crazy how many things women need to think about that men never need to.
Hes not experienced in those things, lives a normal safe space life. I dont deal with strangers in selling things with out treating it like Im making a deal with armed criminals.
Load More Replies... It's actually sad. I mean ... we get people to the moon, we get people propelled at 300 mph on the ground, and even faster, people get themselves through cold turkey of whatever they enjoyed a little too much - but some pesty assholes cannot think with their brain instead of their d***s? Just that it has a lot of nerves in it doesn't make it a proper tool for logic, self control and other mental tasks that seem a little bit too challenging to some. Don't be that way! Rather be the friend walking with them to prevent them from meeting a nonfriend walking with them ... sad that this is necessary sometimes.
And I'd rather say "build a safe society, where no one ever has to experience harassment, violence or any of that", but I can't seriously tell anyone how to do this. No matter how sad it is that this is necessary - being prepared might be highly advisable. Most predatorious men, it seems, don't expect any severe resistance, but all of them deserve it. It's just ... damned, again, a minority of illthinking people ruin a lot for everyone else, and there isn't much we civilized people can do about it, but counter the effects (by walking home a female friend, your sister, ...), learn to defend ourselves and the like ... but then, again - could a rapist write this? Of course! They won't tell you in advance, in broad daylight, that they're up to something they shouldn't. Unless there are no more of those, there is no way to feel safe (for a lot of reasons, of which being female is one of the most infuriating). And, I don't take anything as punishment - I get that this isn't even about that.
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i,m a guy and i don,t know how many times my friend told me she had to hide in bushes while walking home.it absolutely sickens me she,and many others have to go through this ordeal all the time. i feel angry and ashamed
I'm not the only person who used to do that??? I don't walk home now but when I did I hardly had to walk...it still horrified me
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I am always walking the dogs at night, through poorly lit areas, through woodland, all the while listening to loud music, which makes me even more unaware of my surroundings. I take that for granted that I can lose myself in music and and not have to look over my shoulder.
One to add; if you can't cross the road/street when I'm approached by a female on her own I always try and make eye contact, smile, and make a point of making space for them and positioning myself on the opposite side to their handbag/purse in an attempt to indicate I'm not a threat. I'd like to know if this is considered acceptable, or whether I should be doing something else?
Unfortunately all of this will have zero effect on the perpetrators. They will continue doing this no matter the outcry.
My sister and I live right next to each other and we listen through the walls to make sure each other is okay all the time. We each had to make sure we would have a weapon just in case something happens and we check every single room in our apartments and even the closets. We try not to do stuff like take out the trash or go out very late because you never know what could happen. I get nervous about people following me all the time and I don't go in certain stores at night. These are all of the measures that I have taken to stay safe and I don't think that it's right that myself and other women should have to think about these kinds of things.
Okay, I don't like when people say "we need to stop teaching women to practice safety and start teaching men to respect women" for crying out loud, do both!!! Do NOT stop teaching women safety for goodness sake.
Does anyone? I mean ... it SHOULD not be necessary, but acting as if it actually wasn't would be dangerous. It's ... frustrating. How little you need to eff up something, and how much to get it repaired. I'd highly advise everyone, actually not only women, but them for one reason more than men, to be prepared to fight someone off. Which ... well, I don't like anyone fighting whatsoever, I just don't know any better solution than ... being prepared, not being an easy target, and neither appear as one.
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The problem is we need to ask for concrete change. Concrete and enforceable change. It's not enough to say "men need to stop being d1cks", or even "men need to change their behaviour". It needs to be more specific and have consequences. Because the damage is already done, the genie is out of the bottle. So we can't say "men need to stop making us feel unsafe", because men weren't born with a psychic gene and DON'T KNOW how to help if we don't tell them in very specific ways. They don't pick up on hints and subtleties in the same way (this cross-references to nagging about household chores for a non-harassment relationship miscommunication issue). They need to be told in clear, black and white terms, and there needs to be more done at a societal level.
And what worries me more is the kickback that WILL come because people don't like changing their behaviours (see mask-wearing, etc), and men WILL see it as being picked on - even though women have ALWAYS had to change THEIR behaviour to feel safe. The fragile male egos that will say "well, I'VE never harassed a woman, why should I be punished". And he may never have done anything to deliberately, or accidentally make a woman feel unsafe. But we need ALL men to change their behaviour, to make ALL people feel safe. Because what makes it so hard to ask for concrete changes is women have different experiences when they are Black, or white, or trans. The harassment manifests differently, but it affects all women the same. I don't have any answers. And that's the biggest part of the problem.
Load More Replies...
Fascinating how misogyny/ racism are so similar but white women side with the same misogynistic white men on the subject of racism, and how Black people and other POC should just “act better”
It’s all men until it’s no men, it’s all whites until it’s no whites
My mom taught me to not put my name on letters, just use only the address.
Scoping out all exits/entrances in every room. Scoping out every face in that room, trying to suss out which ones might be "the bad guys". Trying to figure out where to sit so bad guys won't be likely to notice me. Still scared that someone is hiding behind a door, creeping up behind me, able to switch from Hyde to Jekyll in an instant...
Me, contentious as always. But can I just make it abundantly clear that this is not - nor sure it be - all about women. Women are NOT the only people with license to feel unsafe on our streets. As a bloke, I'm neither a coward nor paranoid, but I don't go wombling about late at night. It’s reckless, risky and irresponsible. I avoid dimly lit or run down areas. I mentally register CCTV cameras. I cross the street to avoid some strangers. I feel uncomfortable when groups are hanging about. I get anxious when I know someone is walking behind me in an isolated area. I deliberately do not carry valuables. My partner and I text to confirm safe arrival. This is about a general sense of safety and security on our streets. Gender is relevant but does not define risk or vulnerability.
Do you think Sarah’s kidnapper just didn’t come across a vulnerable man that night? Gender (sex actually) is not just relevant, it is the key characteristic of sexist crime like bullying, domestic violence, harassment, sexual assault, sexist killing. Women are not being targeted due to vulnerability but due to their sex. Just like the racist, homophobic and anti semitic kinds, misogynist male violence is discrimination. The subsequent loss of liberty women experience to (try to) avoid the risk compounds that discrimination - it affects women's ability to exercise, learn, earn, socialise, form relationships, practise their faiths, travel and so on - civil and human rights in other words. It is not only immoral, but illegal for the state to allow discrimination of this kind to continue. And it’s offensive to suggest that if people don’t want to give up their civil rights to avoid discriminatory violence then they are “irresponsible”. Women cannot leave their “valuables” at home while they go about their lawful business. Your valuables don’t have civil or human rights, they don’t mind being left at home, women do.
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That is a misrepresentation of feminism. Feminists do not think that, or wish to portray, all men as murderers and rapists. That is an idea promoted by lazy media because it's a handy hook for a story.
Load More Replies...
Oh, THANK GOD! The usual angry bitter MRA showed up to tell women to STFU, men have it worse.
Load More Replies...
Saw a headline today: "Women should feel heard". No. Women should BE heard. And others should *listen*. *sigh*
Elizabeth Luttreel should NOT be heard, because she's a bot - but everyone else. And, further - everybody should take it serious. This isn't about changing predators ... we won't, we can't, at least not on the spot or against their will. This article to me is a reminder to always prefer caution before bravery, to walk the extra mile (to your sister's, female friend's, ... home) because not doing so might prove itself highly regrettable. Honestly, depriving a predatory man from a chance to execute this behaviour even may count as something done for them, too, as not committing a crime is the best way to evade any punishment - and whoever hasn't done any wrong yet is one where it's not too late to reevaluate themselves. And, in general, this isn't saying women deserved any of this. They don't, no one deserves the need to be cautious when they're doing nothing special ... but still, it might be necessary ... and this isn't about feeling uncomfortable either ... I wish it was only that...
Load More Replies... I have two daughters, ages 20 and 22, and this terrifies me. Text me when you get home is my standard phrase to them. I can also track them on my phone. I hope nothing bad ever happens......RIP Sarah
When I read that I thought about all the women in my life and it made me scared for them. Society should not tolerate this. Perhaps we could put one or two police back on the beat to patrol lonely areas?
Since it was a police officer who kidnapped & murdered Sarah, I'm not sure extra officers on patrol would be that helpful.
Load More Replies... How about a male curfew? No man allowed out after 8pm unless escorted by a woman. He can be inside in his registered place of work, or inside at his home, between 8pm and 5am, or he must be escorted by a responsible adult woman. If he needs to go someplace, he goes with a woman. Just as a temporary measure, until men stop attacking women.
And in case I wasn't clear enough for the not-all-men-ers; Yes, I'm being ironic. But this is what it is like to be a woman. Any time you go out alone at night, you aren't safe. How about men take a turn carrying the cost of that?
Load More Replies... My male partner was very surprised when I explained him that women that sell items online never do it from their home (unless they are too big) because there is a big chance that they will get assaulted. Or how we do things like mentioning that our partner is about to arrive to make sure that men dont try anything. He never even thought about it. Its crazy how many things women need to think about that men never need to.
Hes not experienced in those things, lives a normal safe space life. I dont deal with strangers in selling things with out treating it like Im making a deal with armed criminals.
Load More Replies... It's actually sad. I mean ... we get people to the moon, we get people propelled at 300 mph on the ground, and even faster, people get themselves through cold turkey of whatever they enjoyed a little too much - but some pesty assholes cannot think with their brain instead of their d***s? Just that it has a lot of nerves in it doesn't make it a proper tool for logic, self control and other mental tasks that seem a little bit too challenging to some. Don't be that way! Rather be the friend walking with them to prevent them from meeting a nonfriend walking with them ... sad that this is necessary sometimes.
And I'd rather say "build a safe society, where no one ever has to experience harassment, violence or any of that", but I can't seriously tell anyone how to do this. No matter how sad it is that this is necessary - being prepared might be highly advisable. Most predatorious men, it seems, don't expect any severe resistance, but all of them deserve it. It's just ... damned, again, a minority of illthinking people ruin a lot for everyone else, and there isn't much we civilized people can do about it, but counter the effects (by walking home a female friend, your sister, ...), learn to defend ourselves and the like ... but then, again - could a rapist write this? Of course! They won't tell you in advance, in broad daylight, that they're up to something they shouldn't. Unless there are no more of those, there is no way to feel safe (for a lot of reasons, of which being female is one of the most infuriating). And, I don't take anything as punishment - I get that this isn't even about that.
Load More Replies... i,m a guy and i don,t know how many times my friend told me she had to hide in bushes while walking home.it absolutely sickens me she,and many others have to go through this ordeal all the time. i feel angry and ashamed
I'm not the only person who used to do that??? I don't walk home now but when I did I hardly had to walk...it still horrified me
Load More Replies... I am always walking the dogs at night, through poorly lit areas, through woodland, all the while listening to loud music, which makes me even more unaware of my surroundings. I take that for granted that I can lose myself in music and and not have to look over my shoulder.
One to add; if you can't cross the road/street when I'm approached by a female on her own I always try and make eye contact, smile, and make a point of making space for them and positioning myself on the opposite side to their handbag/purse in an attempt to indicate I'm not a threat. I'd like to know if this is considered acceptable, or whether I should be doing something else?
Unfortunately all of this will have zero effect on the perpetrators. They will continue doing this no matter the outcry.
My sister and I live right next to each other and we listen through the walls to make sure each other is okay all the time. We each had to make sure we would have a weapon just in case something happens and we check every single room in our apartments and even the closets. We try not to do stuff like take out the trash or go out very late because you never know what could happen. I get nervous about people following me all the time and I don't go in certain stores at night. These are all of the measures that I have taken to stay safe and I don't think that it's right that myself and other women should have to think about these kinds of things.
Okay, I don't like when people say "we need to stop teaching women to practice safety and start teaching men to respect women" for crying out loud, do both!!! Do NOT stop teaching women safety for goodness sake.
Does anyone? I mean ... it SHOULD not be necessary, but acting as if it actually wasn't would be dangerous. It's ... frustrating. How little you need to eff up something, and how much to get it repaired. I'd highly advise everyone, actually not only women, but them for one reason more than men, to be prepared to fight someone off. Which ... well, I don't like anyone fighting whatsoever, I just don't know any better solution than ... being prepared, not being an easy target, and neither appear as one.
Load More Replies... The problem is we need to ask for concrete change. Concrete and enforceable change. It's not enough to say "men need to stop being d1cks", or even "men need to change their behaviour". It needs to be more specific and have consequences. Because the damage is already done, the genie is out of the bottle. So we can't say "men need to stop making us feel unsafe", because men weren't born with a psychic gene and DON'T KNOW how to help if we don't tell them in very specific ways. They don't pick up on hints and subtleties in the same way (this cross-references to nagging about household chores for a non-harassment relationship miscommunication issue). They need to be told in clear, black and white terms, and there needs to be more done at a societal level.
And what worries me more is the kickback that WILL come because people don't like changing their behaviours (see mask-wearing, etc), and men WILL see it as being picked on - even though women have ALWAYS had to change THEIR behaviour to feel safe. The fragile male egos that will say "well, I'VE never harassed a woman, why should I be punished". And he may never have done anything to deliberately, or accidentally make a woman feel unsafe. But we need ALL men to change their behaviour, to make ALL people feel safe. Because what makes it so hard to ask for concrete changes is women have different experiences when they are Black, or white, or trans. The harassment manifests differently, but it affects all women the same. I don't have any answers. And that's the biggest part of the problem.
Load More Replies... Fascinating how misogyny/ racism are so similar but white women side with the same misogynistic white men on the subject of racism, and how Black people and other POC should just “act better”
It’s all men until it’s no men, it’s all whites until it’s no whites
My mom taught me to not put my name on letters, just use only the address.
Scoping out all exits/entrances in every room. Scoping out every face in that room, trying to suss out which ones might be "the bad guys". Trying to figure out where to sit so bad guys won't be likely to notice me. Still scared that someone is hiding behind a door, creeping up behind me, able to switch from Hyde to Jekyll in an instant...
Me, contentious as always. But can I just make it abundantly clear that this is not - nor sure it be - all about women. Women are NOT the only people with license to feel unsafe on our streets. As a bloke, I'm neither a coward nor paranoid, but I don't go wombling about late at night. It’s reckless, risky and irresponsible. I avoid dimly lit or run down areas. I mentally register CCTV cameras. I cross the street to avoid some strangers. I feel uncomfortable when groups are hanging about. I get anxious when I know someone is walking behind me in an isolated area. I deliberately do not carry valuables. My partner and I text to confirm safe arrival. This is about a general sense of safety and security on our streets. Gender is relevant but does not define risk or vulnerability.
Do you think Sarah’s kidnapper just didn’t come across a vulnerable man that night? Gender (sex actually) is not just relevant, it is the key characteristic of sexist crime like bullying, domestic violence, harassment, sexual assault, sexist killing. Women are not being targeted due to vulnerability but due to their sex. Just like the racist, homophobic and anti semitic kinds, misogynist male violence is discrimination. The subsequent loss of liberty women experience to (try to) avoid the risk compounds that discrimination - it affects women's ability to exercise, learn, earn, socialise, form relationships, practise their faiths, travel and so on - civil and human rights in other words. It is not only immoral, but illegal for the state to allow discrimination of this kind to continue. And it’s offensive to suggest that if people don’t want to give up their civil rights to avoid discriminatory violence then they are “irresponsible”. Women cannot leave their “valuables” at home while they go about their lawful business. Your valuables don’t have civil or human rights, they don’t mind being left at home, women do.
Load More Replies... That is a misrepresentation of feminism. Feminists do not think that, or wish to portray, all men as murderers and rapists. That is an idea promoted by lazy media because it's a handy hook for a story.
Load More Replies... Oh, THANK GOD! The usual angry bitter MRA showed up to tell women to STFU, men have it worse.
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