Woman Begs A Friend To Babysit Her Child, Gets A Reality Check About Her Husband Instead

"He's not good with kids and is incapable of taking care of their kid" - why tf did she HAVE one with him, then? Did she not know that before the child was born? Abortion might be illegal in most of the US nowadays (presuming this took place in the US) but birth control isn't, as far as I was aware...

Sorry but men get away far to easy with doing nothing for and with their own kids. For every useless guy out there that can't even be bothered with helping out taking care of their own kids there is usually a woman that not only enables him but lets him get away with bullshît like that. Also they ruin it for all other men that actually step up and do their part when it comes to parenting.

Due to our situation when we had our kid, it made sense for my husband to stay home with the baby. He'd never babysat as a teen, and maybe hadn't even held a baby until our son was born, so he was completely starting from scratch! He did great! It only took maybe a couple of days for him to master the basics like diapers (we were using cloth), feeding, soothing, washing, dressing, etc. As our son got older, he "grew" with the baby; playing, going on hikes, finding things to do like petting farms or children's museums.

Your lack of preparation in your life, does not constitute an emergency in mine. ✔️✔️✔️

That's no friend and she did Op a huge favor by blocking her. If that husband was capable of making a baby, then he is capable of learning to care for one or finding even a minimum wage job to pay for daycare.

The other thing to consider: Assume OP decided to watch the friend's child but then what happens a year down the road when OP goes back to work. The husband is still useless and the friend still can't afford daycare. Does OP pay for daycare for her 2 kids + the friend's kid? I think not.

My youngest child's father is "not good with kids" and he told me prior to me getting pregnant that he had given up on being a dad. He now is the childcare provider on his days off, with no complaints. If this self-centered man can carve out time to provide childcare, so can her husband.

Was she not aware of the personality of her husband BEFORE she married him and had a baby with him? Or did she think he'd get better after the baby was born? Sorry, many men get even worse after a baby is born, push even more chores on the mom than before, get even more patriarchal than before. Mature modern men don't do that, of course, but immature man-children are often unable to handle other children. If he can't man up and act the father that he actually is, grow up and get a job, practice on taking care of the child, he is in fact pretty useless.

Look, childcare is rough sometimes and it comes easier to some than to others, but unless there are certain disabilities involved, there is no reason why someone can't learn how to do it. I can sympathize with depression, but if he was laid off during COVID, that would have been 2-4 years ago. Plenty of time to get help and either get a job or learn childcare skills.

It sounds like he would harm or neglect the kids if left in his care. I could be wrong and hopefully am.

"He's not good with kids" ... seems he's not good with looking for another job either. Ignoring her husband's total lack of... anything, and instead trying to get other peeps to help her out (when he should be) is a very quick way to lose a friend. The baby must have been conceived during Covid? Might be wrong, but if he'd already lost his job .... He doesn't help, and they struggle for money ... the OP should cut ties and stop worrying that if she's an AH. She's definitey NTA. It took me a loooong time to use the word 'no' - until I realised saying yes all the time was affecting my health (too much to do). It was hard to say att, but I've never looked back.

Seems the only AH here is the husband. But if he was layer off because he had covid he may now have long-covid which can be incredibly debilitating so I wouldn't give a definitive AJ without that kind of information. But OPs friend is definitely overwhelmed, not getting appropriate support from her husband for whatever reason. OP is in a privileged position so I can understand her friend being jealous, she needs support so she needs to ask if family can step up in some way.

NTA... I applaud OP for calling it how she see it & absolutely spot on with the useless husband her friend is with. To make matters worse is she had a baby with someone unemployed & cannot provide for his own family. She is dealing with two babies, it's just that one of them is too damn old & can get a job.

Since she blocked op, I think this problem solved itself.

"Not good with kids?" What is he doing, trying to diaper the baby's head? Carrying it by one foot like a shopping bag? No. My dog is "not good with kids." Your grown husband, the father of that child, is simply either not used to caring for them (which will resolve over time) or unwilling to learn (which will need to resolve over time). Make him step up, ffs. Maybe he is depressed, but millions of women (including myself with my first) get PPD and we still care for our babies. And who knows, maybe doing it will cheer him up. But letting him sit at home alone all day doing nothing while Baby goes to daycare is ridiculous and totally unacceptable.

You are thoroughly within your rights to say no. You only have a few more months left to bond with your baby and that will be impossible with another infant requiring the same attention. You continue to enjoy the remaining time with your babies. Let her deal with her problem & if he can't help her, what good is he anyway? 🙄She might get better help as a single mom.

Is her husband disbabled? Then she should get him on disability, and use the disability payments to pay for child care. If he's not disabled, then he needs to GET A JOB or TAKE CARE OF HIS CHILDREN, and preferably BOTH, because it's not right to have one parent do ALL the childcare. Although, if both parents contribute financially, and then one does all the childcare and the other does all the household chores, that's at least equitable (probably), as long as the children are young. Once they are teens, they should be helping with the work, as well. in short, that husband MUST step up, either by working or doing childcare or both. But if he's not disabled, then acting like he is disabled is NOT RIGHT.

She is NTA But that husband and friend sure are. Poor planning on the friends part does not constitute an emergency on the OP part

I don't get these AITA posts. Instead of seeking validation from internet people, why not seek an actual solution. They should send their AITA posts to the person in question. Maybe this will trigger a conversation about it, and they will discover a side to the story they didn't fully understand. I reckon in 99% of these situations all parties are the AH to a certain extent. As for the true AHs - the people willing to dish out harsh judgements on people's lives having only heard one side of the story - instead of replying 'AH' or 'NTA', why not simply reply 'TTT'. Talk to them.

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On the flip side? The more you vocalize your partner isn't capable of something, the more they'll either lean on that "out" OR, the more they'll start to Believe they are simply incapable. Either way someone is getting torn down completely unnecessarily. I've witnessed both in settings where it was not my place to speak up, so just had to bite my tongue.