Family Are Furious With Daughter After She Sues Them For Stealing Her College Fund So Their Son Could Have A Grand Wedding
Interview
Recently, a woman went on the AITA community for a moral judgement regarding the drama in her family.
“My great-aunt set up savings accounts for all of her female relatives,” the Redditor explained. She was one of them, ready to have her future college covered.
But when the author was ready to enroll in college, she found out that the great-aunt’s fund was almost all gone.
A woman wonders if she was wrong to sue her parents for spending her college money without asking
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“It’s important that we don’t allow others – even if it’s our own family – to take away that which rightfully belongs to us,” an expert says
To find out an expert’s take on this case, we reached out to Susan DeCou, a certified divorce coach and the creator of “The Quiet Zone Coaching,” who teaches women how to stop feeling overwhelmed and start waking up happy in the morning again.
“Sometimes the culture we’re raised in makes this type of behavior an acceptable thing. She doesn’t say which culture her family is part of, but I’m guessing it’s one that still puts an emphasis on the boys of the family before the girls. Her aunt had become ‘Americanized,’ and her parents apparently felt that it wasn’t necessary to provide an education for their daughters,” Susan commented.
However, Susan argues that if the relationship is already that damaged, then she would have no problem advising her to sue her parents. “It’s important that we don’t allow others – even if it’s our own family – to take away that which rightfully belongs to us.”
“She can still have a ‘relationship’ that includes keeping them at arm’s length”
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
The good news is that it’s still possible to repair the relationship with her parents. “There needs to be some open and clear communication between this woman and her parents if she wants to reconcile. However, her parents may not feel like they’ve done anything wrong, based on the culture they were raised in and still follow,” Susan explained.
Moreover, Susan argues that if that’s the case, “the author can still have a ‘relationship’ that includes keeping them at arm’s length, especially in situations where their value systems will be at odds with each other.”
Otherwise, she may decide to cut all ties. “That would be even more sad if she decides to have children someday. That kind of decision is up to each individual to make, based on their own situation; there is no ‘right’ answer.”
The author later shared more information about the whole situation
It’s estimated that in 2023, more than half of students leave school already in debt in the US
The cost of college has been steadily increasing in the past thirty years. And with rising education fees, more and more people have found themselves in desperate need of student loans, as well as other financial aid. It’s estimated that in 2023, student loan debt, including federal and private loans, reaches $1.75 trillion in total, with $28,950 owed per borrower on average.
Forbes reports that younger people hold the majority of student loan debt. Borrowers between the ages of 25 and 34 carry about $500 billion in federal student loans—the majority of people in this age group owe between $10,000 and $40,000.
That doesn’t stop just there. A big amount of borrowers carry their education debt well into middle age and beyond. In fact, people aged 35-49 owe more than $620 billion in student loans. This cohort has the highest number of borrowers who owe more than $100,000 in loans. Similarly, 2.4 million retired people right now feel the burden of owing an astonishing $98 billion in student loans.
A few lucky ones, 10,776 borrowers, to be precise, had their federal loans forgiven thanks to the Public Service Loan Forgiveness (PSLF) program. According to a Forbes report, already more than $1 billion has been forgiven, with the average applicant discharging about $95,000 in debt.
“Having a student loan debt can give you a lot less to play with in terms of getting a mortgage on a house, or saving for a deposit,” the savings expert explains
Image credits: Joslyn Pickens (not the actual photo)
Lucinda O’Brien, the savings expert from Money.co.uk told Bored Panda in an interview via email that having a student loan debt can often feel like a huge chunk of money going out of your account every month, “leaving a lot less disposable income, and giving you a lot less to play with in terms of getting a mortgage on a house, or saving for a deposit.”
“The only way this would affect your credit score is if you couldn’t afford the loan repayments, and therefore weren’t able to keep up,” she added.
For student loan borrowers in England and Wales, it’s crucial to do their research before repaying the loans
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
We also wondered how having student loan debt affects people’s spending habits in England And Wales. “Often you hear former graduates wondering: ‘If I’ve got extra cash, should I pay off my student loan?’ This is a complicated question as it depends on interest rates and the time of taking out the loan, so you’ll need to understand these factors before making a decision,” Lucinda explained.
According to the savings expert, it’s important to do your research about your student loan. For example, for English and Welsh students who started university in 2012 or after, this is a Plan 2 loan, and it works differently from the loans pre and post 1998.
Meanwhile, “for post-1998 student loans, it can be more beneficial to use your extra cash to invest, say in property or put into a high-interest savings account. This is because it’s one of the cheapest loans in the market, so it doesn’t make sense to pay it off quickly,” Lucinda explained.
“If you could earn more from savings than the loan is costing you, it’s better to save the cash”
It’s also worth calculating, Lucinda argues, whether you could earn more from savings than the loan is costing you. And if so, it’s better to save the cash. “Plus, remember that the loan is written off after 30 years (so many people won’t pay off their student loans in full), and if you don’t earn enough money you won’t need to pay it back,” she concluded.
Many people expressed their support for the author
Really like to know what culture it is. Because there are several cultures that believe that women don’t need education, however most if not all of those cultures, come down waaaay hard of theft
@marcelo depends on the definition of theft and ownership for that matter. If women can’t own anything they can’t be stolen from….
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In our will, we have left money for both our kids that they get in a lump sum at age 30, with the exception of tuition and living expenses associated with college, which would be available to them right away. If something happens to the both of us, that money is held in trust and overseen by our lawyer. We have heard of too many cases where the money is entrusted to a friend or relative and a large portion of it vanishes.
As long as it's a trusted lawyer. Unfortunately, there are unscrupulous lawyers as well. Sad that there are always lousy people in every group.
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I'm not sure what culture or country she is from, but I suspect it is possibly India or somewhere nearby meaning the wedding was HECKAH expensive. Could be as high as $250,000.
I was curious that they needed 4 years of college tuition from two daughters to pay for sons wedding. The money left over would have payed for my wedding 6 times over.
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When someone says they are mad at you for embarrassing them by making a "private family matter" public, they are actually saying "We are angry because we know what we did was wrong, but we don't want anyone else to find out." I get tired of people taking advantage of other people and saying "but we're family." IDGAF if you are my family. A thief is a thief. Call them out on it.
Amen, and don't be surprised when we leave your at the nearest old age home and never talk to you again. You made your bed.
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Brother says he'll pay for your education if you drop the lawsuit but then gets defensive and annoyed when OP wants it in writing. Yeah, he was totally going to screw OP because anyone who actually wanted to do right by OP would totally understand them wanting assurances.
Also, if he didn't have the money for his own wedding he most likely doesn't haven the means to pay her back either
Load More Replies... The fact that they didn't ask shows they know they did something wrong, the fact they didn't tell her what it was for shows they know did something wrong, the fact they don't want the public to find out means they assume most people will be against them, which shows they know they did something wrong. I say give em hell.
Her parents are abusers and thieves. They SHOULD be publicly shamed. They seem more concerned that other people will know what they've done than with what they did to their daughters. They stole their futures and put them in a position of either not getting the education they need to succeed, or going into 5-6 figures of debt for it. They'd have likely decades of debt to pay for their brother's wedding. More vanity. They wanted the neighbors to think they could afford to splash out on a wedding and they happily sold their daughters' future for it. OP is doing her auntie proud. Sue them and go NC.
If this is OK in her culture, she needs to find another culture. Because that one is trash.
Your brother's anger at you refusing to accept his promise in place of a contract is a strong indication that he had no intention of keeping that promise. And if he had signed it, you would have had to sue him in the long run. So it's a family lawsuit now or a family lawsuit later. Sue the parents. Your case is strong against them, and they are the guilty party. Don't seem reticent to file criminal charges. That possibility in their minds gives you one of your biggest bargaining chips.
Yeah he was absolutely never gonna pay her back. He was just buying time and trying to f**k her over.
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This happens in American culture too. I know someone whose mother stole his condo while he was out of the country and she had his power of attorney. She gave it to his brother because she thought he needed it more. He ended up settling with her for a fraction of what the condo was worth while she guilted him the entire time. At the time, he didn’t have the stomach for the criminal charges needed to get the condo back. It’s his biggest regret - he no longer speaks to her and wishes he hadn’t given in so easily OP will not regret this fight.
My dad used to tell me, if someone commits an illegal act against us, even if it's family, pursue criminal charges. My uncle's wife illegally removed funds from his bank account. The bank caught her, and her accomplice, and asked him to press charges. He refused because it was his wife. Years later, there was a lengthy and pricey divorce. If he had pressed charges at the time, he could have also saved himself a lot of heartaches and headaches. (Btw, she did quite a bit of things before the divorce, but that was a signal on how much she could get away with). I feel sorry for your friend. We'd like to think our loved ones wouldn't do that to us. However, by doing what she did, she signaled how little she thought of him. Sometimes we need to take a stand when something that egregious occurs because if they can get away with it, they will continue and do worse things.
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I imagine the parents caved and told him, otherwise he wouldn't have tried to do some damage control with offering to pay back OP (only to get just as butthurt over it when she wanted it in writing).
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NTA. Iirc, whilst I'm not American, I believe that the average cost of University/College in the US is around $100k? (minus the insane cost of textbooks as well as day to day costs) So, if "enough money" was stolen that OP and her sister could have graduated University/College without debt... that's over $200k. What kind of wedding costs two hundred f*****g thousand dollars!? It's clearly gone on more than just the wedding, surely, but you've been left out of pocket. It's theft, plain and simple, and surely every culture understands the basic principle that theft is illegal, right?
Indian weddings can easily run $250k. They tend to be several days long.
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Since the money was left to OP, not her parents, and her parents got access to it illegally from the sound of it, they undoubtedly broke their country's banking laws and could go to jail for what they did. They should. I worked for the fraud department of an international bank, and that's a lot of money they ripped off. I wish I could say it was unusual for a family member to steal from another family member, but it happens all the time. That's why, if it were me, I'd throw the book at them. If nothing else, the threat of that would make them cough up the cash.
And given Auntie was in the US, those funds would have probably had tax exemption in a US bank, and the parents using it on other than education without paying the taxes is tax fraud.
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Definitely NTA. I think OP should not only sue her family for the actual funds that were stolen, but also for any court costs and lawyer's fees, time lost from school and work, and emotional distress. In other words, MAKE IT HURT. In addition, OP should make sure to have legal documents drawn up in case something should "happen" to her (family tries to avenge themselves). They stole from her while she was still a minor; who knows what else they would try? I hope OP cuts ALL contact and moves away to parts unknown. Her very life could be in danger.
You forgot INTEREST, she needs to figure out a reasonable interest rate to charge them.
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What I think is interesting here is that most cultures that don't value women's education, also believe that the bride's family should either pay for the wedding, or offer a large dowry to make her more attractive to suitors. But every culture is full of hypocrisy. OP is definitely NTA, and her family should have had no access to her fund. She's better off without them
Ugh this is so infuriating. Why did he need a huge wedding in the first place if they couldn't afford it? A friend of mine went through something similar except it was because he was gay. He was in a band in his last 2 years of high school and they were actually pretty amazing. They had regular gigs locally and also played lots of festivals, etc. They made their own cds and merch- sold out almost every show. He saved every dime. Because he was underage at the time (16) he opened an account with his father and he didn't have a car so when he got paid, he just gave his dad the money to deposit for him. He had almost 100K saved. He planned on continuing with the band part time and paying for an apartment and a car when he turned 18. He trusted his father. He was in the closet and his dad ended up catching him with a guy. Like a month later things in the house are unbearable so he decides to take some money out and stay with a friend. He was almost 18 at that point and didn't think the family would put up a fight about it. He goes to the bank and the money is gone. (1)
(2) His dad literally took all the money out of the account and closed it. So he confronts his dad, and he's like, "Well you clearly can't be trusted to make good decisions so I'm not going to allow you to live a life of sin." He put it to him as if he was trying to "save him." Meanwhile, he doesn't put the money aside or in another account. He invests it and loses it. It's been like 2 years and he's still dealing with court over it. He doesn't even think he'll get anything back at this point after lawyer fees. He's trying to prove it has nothing to do with being gay and everything to do with his dad hiding their financial troubles. Why do parents think they can rob their children simply because they don't agree with them or don't have money themselves? So because YOU think your son's wedding is more important, you justify stealing your daughter's money? I hope she confronted them and got them to admit that to her so she could never see them again and not feel at all guilty. It's so ridiculous.
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HOW.... MUCH.... MONEY.... DID.... YOUR.... PARENTS....STEAL.... FROM.... YOU!!!!
I'm not sure if there exists culture which doesn't care about family wealth and ownership. They just don't want to let neighbours know, they couldn't afford such wedding... I wouldn't mind if they really needed it to support family, but wedding is just waste of money and status thing.
When my grandparents died I got an asset & property inheritance along a with a HEMS trust. As I was still a minor, the trust included yearly savings bonds and other investment dividends that were tightly overseen by the trustee. My aunt (the proverbial “black sheep”) tried to forge documents & access some of my cash assets. Having an outside trustee was the ultimate protection. They caught her right away. After she was criminally tried, they went after her in a civil case for punitive & legal fees. On the flip side, my father managed my inheritance from his parents and by the time I was of age, I received approximately 40% of it. His discretionary usage while I was a minor was booze, broads & barbiturates. Having an independent trustee to manage a child’s inheritance is key. Lock that shít down so it can be used as intended. Vultures appear in unexpected places.
My parents stole every penny I was left. You are not kidding.
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Must have been one heck of a wedding if they spent enough for 2 people to get their undergrad degree in the USA!!!
Drop the lawsuit on the following conditions: 1/They sign a legally binding contract to return all of the Stoke. Money, with interest 2/The parents and brother have the words “Thief” and “Liar” tattooed on their faces. 3/The parents and brother each record videos, admitting to being thieves and liars. Copies are sent to all of their friends, relatives and work colleagues. Electronic and hard copies will be sent to the OP who can use them if they ever dispute being liars and thieves. A simple solution.
Just one thing needs to be added -- a time limit. Why do I have a sneaking suspicion that they might try to prolong the payment intervals, to the point that they may cause hardships on the daughter (she would still have to make sure she makes payments on her loans--with, or without, the money they stole), or they may die before they can pay her back. Set a time limit. (I would set it at four years, since the money was supposed to already be there so that she wouldn't incur any additional costs; however, her lawyers and the court may set a different timeline).
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This type of family needs a harsh reality check and legal action sounds about right enough. OP should realize that she is NTA and should proceed with the lawsuit and at the same time, drop her sh*tty family like a hot brick fast. I know the feeling because my family and I have fought with extended family members over money issues before. Smh!!!
Also wanted to add that if the parents used their own money in their own name, the poster would have been out of luck. Since they stole a fund not it's intended purpose, parents are guilty as hell. I've saved some money for my stepson for post high school, this post reminds me to make sure I add to it
NTA sue them because that was your money set up to pay for your college needs not your brother's wedding. Sue them and make them pay you your money. I believe that if two people want to get married then they need to pay for it period. Your parents had no right to touch your college fund and use it for your brother's wedding what nerve. What they did was straight up theft
If the money was bequeathed to you and someone else took it without your consent that's theft regardless of who the perpetrator is. If you can't get any relief from criminal law then civil law is your only logical recourse. I don't really see where the conflict is.
From one of her responses, she's trying not to let this become a criminal matter. So, in her case, it's the reverse. She's trying to keep it as a civil court matter, but it seems it could go to criminal court if they don't rectify what they did to her. At this point, I'd say her parents were lucky. Most would cut through the "feces" and gone straight to criminal court, then civil court after that.
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So, they took the money earmarked for the girls and gave it to the son for his wedding. Obviously, they value males more. This is horrifying and I hope they end up with criminal charges. That wasn't their money; if it had been set up by the parents and they took it- different story; they'd be a******s, but it would be legal (I think). This is f****d up and I hope someone goes to jail over it.
Air it ALL OUT!!! How DARE that family behave like this. The parents should have simply ASKED PERMISSION. I need to know how grand this wedding was that the parents needed all that money?! The sister didn't care for the money since she wasn't going to school; how could that possibly have not been enough without touching OPs portion of the money?!?!?! SUE THEM!
Do not be ashamed for standing up for what is right. Your parents and brother should be ashamed. Your great-aunt left that money to used for a particular reason, and they stole it. Yes, stole. Disgusting behaviour. Selfish. I couldn’t look at those people or stand to be in their presence ever again. You can’t go back and have happy family holidays after that. Move one and make the most of your education and create your own life and sense of family.
Oh my God imagine spending an entire college fund on a f*****g wedding. A WEDDING. My brain is short circuiting at how f*****g stupid and pointless and disrespectful that is. That would not be my family anymore and they would never see me again. After I sued of course. A bit off topic but that Aunt sounds amazing and I really wanna know how she feels about this whole thing. She would probably be pissed.
I want to know more about "My parents managed to access the accounts". How exactly? Did they find a password? Did they convince whoever the money managers were (bank? stockbroker? financial advisor?), to let them have the money? In which case it's either straight out theft, or embezzlement, and OP has a case against whoever allowed the parents to access the money, too.
I'm surprised that her sister isn't mad too. It doesn't matter that she didn't go to university because her inheritance has still been stolen.
Want to leave money to your kids (or anyone) that they can collect on your death without taxes? Get a copy of "How to Avoid Probate." If great aunt had known about this the theft wouldn't have been possible. N.B.: this is law in USA; maybe not elsewhere.
1. You have a moral obligation to your great aunt to retrieve the money she saved for your education, not for a show-off wedding. 2. You don't need any culture that permits or encourages the theft of your future. 3. Keep fighting. Your great aunt would be proud of you.
That was not their money to use, full stop. The money was the aunt's and was left to the daughter. At no point did it belong to her parents. They stole their daughter's future. What culture did they belong to that they felt this was acceptable? I can tell you one 'culture' that does this, and make no mistake that referring to it as a culture is a defense to their abominable behavior. The Mormon church does this. I will bet many highly conservative Christian sects do as well. How do I know? I was one of them, legally I still am. Literally every Mormon family I know, and there are hundreds potentially thousands, pay for only their sons to go to college. My father and brother both have undergrad degrees fully paid for by family. I am a year into my Master's in the medical field, provider level. They've never given me a dime, because I'm female. I am the highest educated immediate family member, graduating Summa Cum Laude, and they have never helped me in any way.
Taking a stab and saying this is an Indian family situation going on here. They knew what that money was for and probably heard you many times over the years talking about college and using that money for it, yet they said nothing as they pilfered the assets. To make matters worse, they blew it on a one time event that means nothing in the grand scheme over your college education which, if done right, is a lifelong reward to you and those you share your good fortune with. F*&k them and their righteous attitude, behaving like they wouldn't have done the exact same thing you did if wronged like this. Lawsuit is the proper course of action. Your next mission is to study like you're possessed and be wildly successful and leave them in the dust.
The behaviour of these parents are disgusting! I'm really worried that she'll be pushed out of the family just because she has guts. The extended family p**s me off even more! HOW DARE They turn on her? Sue the MF's!!! Her aunt will be turning in her grave. This is a hill to die on so please don't give up
Not as if her parents earned that money, either. Nor did the brother. Parents aren't obligated to pay for college, true. They're also not obligated to steal from one child because they're playing favorites for another. Not like OP's parents were the ones that put that money in the bank, anyway.
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Really like to know what culture it is. Because there are several cultures that believe that women don’t need education, however most if not all of those cultures, come down waaaay hard of theft
@marcelo depends on the definition of theft and ownership for that matter. If women can’t own anything they can’t be stolen from….
Load More Replies... In our will, we have left money for both our kids that they get in a lump sum at age 30, with the exception of tuition and living expenses associated with college, which would be available to them right away. If something happens to the both of us, that money is held in trust and overseen by our lawyer. We have heard of too many cases where the money is entrusted to a friend or relative and a large portion of it vanishes.
As long as it's a trusted lawyer. Unfortunately, there are unscrupulous lawyers as well. Sad that there are always lousy people in every group.
Load More Replies... I'm not sure what culture or country she is from, but I suspect it is possibly India or somewhere nearby meaning the wedding was HECKAH expensive. Could be as high as $250,000.
I was curious that they needed 4 years of college tuition from two daughters to pay for sons wedding. The money left over would have payed for my wedding 6 times over.
Load More Replies... When someone says they are mad at you for embarrassing them by making a "private family matter" public, they are actually saying "We are angry because we know what we did was wrong, but we don't want anyone else to find out." I get tired of people taking advantage of other people and saying "but we're family." IDGAF if you are my family. A thief is a thief. Call them out on it.
Amen, and don't be surprised when we leave your at the nearest old age home and never talk to you again. You made your bed.
Load More Replies... Brother says he'll pay for your education if you drop the lawsuit but then gets defensive and annoyed when OP wants it in writing. Yeah, he was totally going to screw OP because anyone who actually wanted to do right by OP would totally understand them wanting assurances.
Also, if he didn't have the money for his own wedding he most likely doesn't haven the means to pay her back either
Load More Replies... The fact that they didn't ask shows they know they did something wrong, the fact they didn't tell her what it was for shows they know did something wrong, the fact they don't want the public to find out means they assume most people will be against them, which shows they know they did something wrong. I say give em hell.
Her parents are abusers and thieves. They SHOULD be publicly shamed. They seem more concerned that other people will know what they've done than with what they did to their daughters. They stole their futures and put them in a position of either not getting the education they need to succeed, or going into 5-6 figures of debt for it. They'd have likely decades of debt to pay for their brother's wedding. More vanity. They wanted the neighbors to think they could afford to splash out on a wedding and they happily sold their daughters' future for it. OP is doing her auntie proud. Sue them and go NC.
If this is OK in her culture, she needs to find another culture. Because that one is trash.
Your brother's anger at you refusing to accept his promise in place of a contract is a strong indication that he had no intention of keeping that promise. And if he had signed it, you would have had to sue him in the long run. So it's a family lawsuit now or a family lawsuit later. Sue the parents. Your case is strong against them, and they are the guilty party. Don't seem reticent to file criminal charges. That possibility in their minds gives you one of your biggest bargaining chips.
Yeah he was absolutely never gonna pay her back. He was just buying time and trying to f**k her over.
Load More Replies... This happens in American culture too. I know someone whose mother stole his condo while he was out of the country and she had his power of attorney. She gave it to his brother because she thought he needed it more. He ended up settling with her for a fraction of what the condo was worth while she guilted him the entire time. At the time, he didn’t have the stomach for the criminal charges needed to get the condo back. It’s his biggest regret - he no longer speaks to her and wishes he hadn’t given in so easily OP will not regret this fight.
My dad used to tell me, if someone commits an illegal act against us, even if it's family, pursue criminal charges. My uncle's wife illegally removed funds from his bank account. The bank caught her, and her accomplice, and asked him to press charges. He refused because it was his wife. Years later, there was a lengthy and pricey divorce. If he had pressed charges at the time, he could have also saved himself a lot of heartaches and headaches. (Btw, she did quite a bit of things before the divorce, but that was a signal on how much she could get away with). I feel sorry for your friend. We'd like to think our loved ones wouldn't do that to us. However, by doing what she did, she signaled how little she thought of him. Sometimes we need to take a stand when something that egregious occurs because if they can get away with it, they will continue and do worse things.
Load More Replies... I imagine the parents caved and told him, otherwise he wouldn't have tried to do some damage control with offering to pay back OP (only to get just as butthurt over it when she wanted it in writing).
Load More Replies... NTA. Iirc, whilst I'm not American, I believe that the average cost of University/College in the US is around $100k? (minus the insane cost of textbooks as well as day to day costs) So, if "enough money" was stolen that OP and her sister could have graduated University/College without debt... that's over $200k. What kind of wedding costs two hundred f*****g thousand dollars!? It's clearly gone on more than just the wedding, surely, but you've been left out of pocket. It's theft, plain and simple, and surely every culture understands the basic principle that theft is illegal, right?
Indian weddings can easily run $250k. They tend to be several days long.
Load More Replies... Since the money was left to OP, not her parents, and her parents got access to it illegally from the sound of it, they undoubtedly broke their country's banking laws and could go to jail for what they did. They should. I worked for the fraud department of an international bank, and that's a lot of money they ripped off. I wish I could say it was unusual for a family member to steal from another family member, but it happens all the time. That's why, if it were me, I'd throw the book at them. If nothing else, the threat of that would make them cough up the cash.
And given Auntie was in the US, those funds would have probably had tax exemption in a US bank, and the parents using it on other than education without paying the taxes is tax fraud.
Load More Replies... Definitely NTA. I think OP should not only sue her family for the actual funds that were stolen, but also for any court costs and lawyer's fees, time lost from school and work, and emotional distress. In other words, MAKE IT HURT. In addition, OP should make sure to have legal documents drawn up in case something should "happen" to her (family tries to avenge themselves). They stole from her while she was still a minor; who knows what else they would try? I hope OP cuts ALL contact and moves away to parts unknown. Her very life could be in danger.
You forgot INTEREST, she needs to figure out a reasonable interest rate to charge them.
Load More Replies... What I think is interesting here is that most cultures that don't value women's education, also believe that the bride's family should either pay for the wedding, or offer a large dowry to make her more attractive to suitors. But every culture is full of hypocrisy. OP is definitely NTA, and her family should have had no access to her fund. She's better off without them
Ugh this is so infuriating. Why did he need a huge wedding in the first place if they couldn't afford it? A friend of mine went through something similar except it was because he was gay. He was in a band in his last 2 years of high school and they were actually pretty amazing. They had regular gigs locally and also played lots of festivals, etc. They made their own cds and merch- sold out almost every show. He saved every dime. Because he was underage at the time (16) he opened an account with his father and he didn't have a car so when he got paid, he just gave his dad the money to deposit for him. He had almost 100K saved. He planned on continuing with the band part time and paying for an apartment and a car when he turned 18. He trusted his father. He was in the closet and his dad ended up catching him with a guy. Like a month later things in the house are unbearable so he decides to take some money out and stay with a friend. He was almost 18 at that point and didn't think the family would put up a fight about it. He goes to the bank and the money is gone. (1)
(2) His dad literally took all the money out of the account and closed it. So he confronts his dad, and he's like, "Well you clearly can't be trusted to make good decisions so I'm not going to allow you to live a life of sin." He put it to him as if he was trying to "save him." Meanwhile, he doesn't put the money aside or in another account. He invests it and loses it. It's been like 2 years and he's still dealing with court over it. He doesn't even think he'll get anything back at this point after lawyer fees. He's trying to prove it has nothing to do with being gay and everything to do with his dad hiding their financial troubles. Why do parents think they can rob their children simply because they don't agree with them or don't have money themselves? So because YOU think your son's wedding is more important, you justify stealing your daughter's money? I hope she confronted them and got them to admit that to her so she could never see them again and not feel at all guilty. It's so ridiculous.
Load More Replies... HOW.... MUCH.... MONEY.... DID.... YOUR.... PARENTS....STEAL.... FROM.... YOU!!!!
I'm not sure if there exists culture which doesn't care about family wealth and ownership. They just don't want to let neighbours know, they couldn't afford such wedding... I wouldn't mind if they really needed it to support family, but wedding is just waste of money and status thing.
When my grandparents died I got an asset & property inheritance along a with a HEMS trust. As I was still a minor, the trust included yearly savings bonds and other investment dividends that were tightly overseen by the trustee. My aunt (the proverbial “black sheep”) tried to forge documents & access some of my cash assets. Having an outside trustee was the ultimate protection. They caught her right away. After she was criminally tried, they went after her in a civil case for punitive & legal fees. On the flip side, my father managed my inheritance from his parents and by the time I was of age, I received approximately 40% of it. His discretionary usage while I was a minor was booze, broads & barbiturates. Having an independent trustee to manage a child’s inheritance is key. Lock that shít down so it can be used as intended. Vultures appear in unexpected places.
My parents stole every penny I was left. You are not kidding.
Load More Replies... Must have been one heck of a wedding if they spent enough for 2 people to get their undergrad degree in the USA!!!
Drop the lawsuit on the following conditions: 1/They sign a legally binding contract to return all of the Stoke. Money, with interest 2/The parents and brother have the words “Thief” and “Liar” tattooed on their faces. 3/The parents and brother each record videos, admitting to being thieves and liars. Copies are sent to all of their friends, relatives and work colleagues. Electronic and hard copies will be sent to the OP who can use them if they ever dispute being liars and thieves. A simple solution.
Just one thing needs to be added -- a time limit. Why do I have a sneaking suspicion that they might try to prolong the payment intervals, to the point that they may cause hardships on the daughter (she would still have to make sure she makes payments on her loans--with, or without, the money they stole), or they may die before they can pay her back. Set a time limit. (I would set it at four years, since the money was supposed to already be there so that she wouldn't incur any additional costs; however, her lawyers and the court may set a different timeline).
Load More Replies... This type of family needs a harsh reality check and legal action sounds about right enough. OP should realize that she is NTA and should proceed with the lawsuit and at the same time, drop her sh*tty family like a hot brick fast. I know the feeling because my family and I have fought with extended family members over money issues before. Smh!!!
Also wanted to add that if the parents used their own money in their own name, the poster would have been out of luck. Since they stole a fund not it's intended purpose, parents are guilty as hell. I've saved some money for my stepson for post high school, this post reminds me to make sure I add to it
NTA sue them because that was your money set up to pay for your college needs not your brother's wedding. Sue them and make them pay you your money. I believe that if two people want to get married then they need to pay for it period. Your parents had no right to touch your college fund and use it for your brother's wedding what nerve. What they did was straight up theft
If the money was bequeathed to you and someone else took it without your consent that's theft regardless of who the perpetrator is. If you can't get any relief from criminal law then civil law is your only logical recourse. I don't really see where the conflict is.
From one of her responses, she's trying not to let this become a criminal matter. So, in her case, it's the reverse. She's trying to keep it as a civil court matter, but it seems it could go to criminal court if they don't rectify what they did to her. At this point, I'd say her parents were lucky. Most would cut through the "feces" and gone straight to criminal court, then civil court after that.
Load More Replies... So, they took the money earmarked for the girls and gave it to the son for his wedding. Obviously, they value males more. This is horrifying and I hope they end up with criminal charges. That wasn't their money; if it had been set up by the parents and they took it- different story; they'd be a******s, but it would be legal (I think). This is f****d up and I hope someone goes to jail over it.
Air it ALL OUT!!! How DARE that family behave like this. The parents should have simply ASKED PERMISSION. I need to know how grand this wedding was that the parents needed all that money?! The sister didn't care for the money since she wasn't going to school; how could that possibly have not been enough without touching OPs portion of the money?!?!?! SUE THEM!
Do not be ashamed for standing up for what is right. Your parents and brother should be ashamed. Your great-aunt left that money to used for a particular reason, and they stole it. Yes, stole. Disgusting behaviour. Selfish. I couldn’t look at those people or stand to be in their presence ever again. You can’t go back and have happy family holidays after that. Move one and make the most of your education and create your own life and sense of family.
Oh my God imagine spending an entire college fund on a f*****g wedding. A WEDDING. My brain is short circuiting at how f*****g stupid and pointless and disrespectful that is. That would not be my family anymore and they would never see me again. After I sued of course. A bit off topic but that Aunt sounds amazing and I really wanna know how she feels about this whole thing. She would probably be pissed.
I want to know more about "My parents managed to access the accounts". How exactly? Did they find a password? Did they convince whoever the money managers were (bank? stockbroker? financial advisor?), to let them have the money? In which case it's either straight out theft, or embezzlement, and OP has a case against whoever allowed the parents to access the money, too.
I'm surprised that her sister isn't mad too. It doesn't matter that she didn't go to university because her inheritance has still been stolen.
Want to leave money to your kids (or anyone) that they can collect on your death without taxes? Get a copy of "How to Avoid Probate." If great aunt had known about this the theft wouldn't have been possible. N.B.: this is law in USA; maybe not elsewhere.
1. You have a moral obligation to your great aunt to retrieve the money she saved for your education, not for a show-off wedding. 2. You don't need any culture that permits or encourages the theft of your future. 3. Keep fighting. Your great aunt would be proud of you.
That was not their money to use, full stop. The money was the aunt's and was left to the daughter. At no point did it belong to her parents. They stole their daughter's future. What culture did they belong to that they felt this was acceptable? I can tell you one 'culture' that does this, and make no mistake that referring to it as a culture is a defense to their abominable behavior. The Mormon church does this. I will bet many highly conservative Christian sects do as well. How do I know? I was one of them, legally I still am. Literally every Mormon family I know, and there are hundreds potentially thousands, pay for only their sons to go to college. My father and brother both have undergrad degrees fully paid for by family. I am a year into my Master's in the medical field, provider level. They've never given me a dime, because I'm female. I am the highest educated immediate family member, graduating Summa Cum Laude, and they have never helped me in any way.
Taking a stab and saying this is an Indian family situation going on here. They knew what that money was for and probably heard you many times over the years talking about college and using that money for it, yet they said nothing as they pilfered the assets. To make matters worse, they blew it on a one time event that means nothing in the grand scheme over your college education which, if done right, is a lifelong reward to you and those you share your good fortune with. F*&k them and their righteous attitude, behaving like they wouldn't have done the exact same thing you did if wronged like this. Lawsuit is the proper course of action. Your next mission is to study like you're possessed and be wildly successful and leave them in the dust.
The behaviour of these parents are disgusting! I'm really worried that she'll be pushed out of the family just because she has guts. The extended family p**s me off even more! HOW DARE They turn on her? Sue the MF's!!! Her aunt will be turning in her grave. This is a hill to die on so please don't give up
Not as if her parents earned that money, either. Nor did the brother. Parents aren't obligated to pay for college, true. They're also not obligated to steal from one child because they're playing favorites for another. Not like OP's parents were the ones that put that money in the bank, anyway.
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