Woman Avoids Paying For Stuff By Saying She’s Broke When She Earns A Good Salary, Divides The Internet
A very large portion of the American population is living paycheck to paycheck. But as the pandemic hit, the percentage of people’s income remaining each month after taxes and spending skyrocketed to a record 32.2% in April, up from 12.7% in March, according to the U.S. Bureau of Economic Analysis. The economy slowed down as consumer spending fell to 12.6%.
And as these unprecedented times made our saving habits evolve, more and more people have now gone into frugal mode. Just like the author of this recent r/AITA post who wanted to find out whether it’s wrong of her to pretend she’s broke.
“I am doing an engineering job making a good amount of money and I save a lot so I’m definitely not actually broke,” she stated. Turns out that she sometimes acts like she is, which totally frustrates her boyfriend.
The woman has been pretending to be broke so she doesn’t have to spend money on things she doesn’t want to, but her boyfriend finds this behavior super annoying
Image credits: Robert Bogdan (not the actual photo)
Image credits: diaj868
And this is what people had to comment
It's frustrating when people socialise and claim they're too poor to join in and expect others to pick up the tab, but all of the scenarios described seem perfectly reasonable. The boyfriends approach to her money feels like more of a red flag than her own behaviour.
That's true, her examples don't describe someone trying to lie their way into using other people's money to finance their social life.
Load More Replies...Not the asshole, sometimes you do have to lie to stop pushy people into "making" you buy something you don't want or need. Your boyfriend either needs to stand up with you and say something to the people pushing you to purchase something or just shut up and deal with your excuses. It would be better if you could say a firm, confident NO, but I know even that doesn't make people listen. As long as you aren't using it as an excuse to take advantage of someone then I don't see the huge issue. Unless your a compulsive liar.
Agreed, she doesn't owe those sellers anything and when the first 'no' doesn't make an impression, why not just lie to get it over with? Nothing wrong with making life a little bit easier for yourself, provided it doesn't hurt anyone of course.
Load More Replies...NTA. Too many people don't take 'no' for an answer, especially from women, and saying "I can't afford that" is a barrier they can't negotiate. Women regularly get charged more for services like car repairs, and this is a smart way to make them honor original estimates.
I thought this was going to be an article about a girl who pretends to be broke to make her bf pay for things, so I got angry in advance. Now I think this is brilliant! Perfect excuse to stop sales people trying to force you to buy something.
My father, who was never anything but comfortable financially because he was careful with money did that with telephone solicitors. He enjoyed pretending he was broke. In this case, as several wrote, she was well within her rights to not spend money she didn't wish to spend, but being assertive would be better in the first two cases. I'm curious how her boyfriend responded to the MLM gathering. Would she have followed his lead, or did he feel he had to buy in? Ugh.
NTA. She didnt blatantly exploit or took advantage of anyone. They r just little white lies thats used more as a defence mechanism against being taken advantaged of. About the mechanic, he should have called her the moment he realised more work then expected needed to be done (if its actually true) to see if she was agreeable - it is more than double the original quote after all! .
Sales people will be pushy if they know that you have the money to spend on whatever they're selling. As long as this girl isn't using that excuse to get other people to buy her stuff I don't see the problem. Some people just won't take no for an answer unless they thing you actually dont have the money.
Considering that this is just her perspective, I do wonder if she isn't telling the full story. i.e. there are say... 50 stories of her "acting broke", and she very carefully thought of the three stories that are obviously acceptable and legitimate, and avoided telling the stories where she said "oops forgot my purse" and expected someone else to cover her bill for dinner. That being said, MLM "parties" are the worse and I would 100% refuse to give a penny.
It's nobody's business if you can or cant afford something or how much money you make. If you find it easier to get sales people off your back by using that excuse, do it! Sales people lie constantly and don't think twice about it. Although if your lies spill into the relationship and the shared costs that would be an issue. I'm sure that is what the boyfriend is worried about; what other lies there might be.
A quotation is legally binding. If the repairs cost more due to unforeseen circumstances, then it’s the trader’s responsibility and they need to carry the extra cost, that’s the law. If they didn’t want to run that risk, then they shouldn’t have given a quote, but an estimate instead. The rules are simple: quote = fixed price that cannot legally be changed, even if there are additional unforeseen costs vs estimate = ballpark figure that may change at any point for any reason.
You are correct the vast majority of the times, but just be aware that there may be times when unforeseen circumstances can legitimately cause the price to go up. A classic example is if during construction of a pool, a massive boulder is discovered underground that neither party could have known about. The parties made the mutual mistake of thinking the ground contained no massive boulders and so the original contract is voidable.
Load More Replies...Avoiding upsells is a NTA move easily. I do wonder if there are other instances that aren't being mentioned that may be different though. If these are the only times then your boyfriend needs to not be so uptight.
Borderline-case. You should not just settle for spending much money, but tricking people who do good service in getting too little pay is neither fine. Just take the first case: the mechanic should have called, warning that costs would be higher. Nicely negotiating something above the original 150 but below the 320 would have been fair. Lying to get the original 150 is basically exploiting the good-will of the mechanic. And this comes with opportunity costs, as he can spend his working time only once...so fixing that old lady's car who could really not afford it might now not be possible. Sanity check: we are not alone in the world. Do our actions lead to potential negative consequences for others? If so, think twice!
Just say, 'No thanks, that's mroe than I want to spend." That's all. No drama, no lying, no BS, walk away. All this was manipulative crap, and it's not mature. And if someone won't hear your "no", then you repeat it so loudly that everyone stares at you and at them. Speak in ALL CAPS. No anger needed, just volume. B/c her reputation as a liar/cheapskate will come back on her.
The only way to stop the mlm pushy people is to say you're broke or they will try to take every penny you have
Maybe I'm strange but ridiculing them generally works for me.
Load More Replies...Indeed, learning to say no was one of the most satisfying thing I learned
Load More Replies...Yes and No. Going around claiming you're broke is an asshole move, real broke people don't do that. Trying to stay within a stipulated budget shows that you know how to manage your money. I mean, sellers want to sell and they will try every trick in the book, right? So, NTA here. What I am most interested in is: Why would your bf drag you to a Pyramid Scheme Party in the first place? And then blame you for unveiling that scheme and making it about YOU embarassing HIM in front of his friends?!
The bf reacts like that because being proven wrong once invested either emotionally or financially in something. It hurts them to think they were bamboozled, hoodwinked or even befuddled. It's a human thing sadly. And not one of the best.
Load More Replies...I thought the topic was going to be the usual "each time I agree to buy something on Craigslist, I make people drive it over then hold out for a lower price than agreed; they usually accept so their trip wasn't wasted" situation. But the garage is obviously just milking for extra cash; they try and have no problem folding quickly as it's not costing them anything. The other two are just lazy lies; not a real problem --- I don't owe telling the truth to some pushy salesman/evangelist/shouting weirdo in the street; whatever deescalates is fine. But telling acquaintances you're broke when you aren't is crossing the line.
Inviting someone to your MLM networking pressure-sale and calling it a "party" is crossing the line.
Load More Replies...Habitually lying instead of saying that you are not interested is an AH move.
I've lied like a sidewalk a LOT because people take one look at a woman and assume they can rip us off because we're "too stupid" to know what car repairs/house repairs/appliances etc. actually cost. It's an ugly thing that people do to screw us over because we're "just women". ...///... I've gotten to the point that I will dress down, not wear jewelry, and keep my head down just so that people won't harass me to spend money that I don't want to spend. ..../// ... The boyfriend is a tin plated asshole for whining about this. She needs to DTMFA and NOW.
What the hell is wrong with her boyfriend? 1) You're not obligated to buy extras when you go to get something, and it doesn't matter what your excuse is, or even if you choose to make an excuse. 2) MLM "parties" are some serious BS. Forget that noise. 3) The auto shop one is a little too much, but the shop should have contacted her after looking at the car, and before undertaking the more expensive repairs. I'd call that one about even. Basically, her BF has some issues.
The auto shop is REQUIRED to phone her before they do any work beyond the original estimate. They probably didn't do any of the work they claimed, they just decided that a "little woman" was "too stupid" to know anything about cars.
Load More Replies...I used to do that, now that I'm older and bolder (quoting somebody on PB) I have learned just say no repeatly when needed and stand on my ground.
This is tricky. 1. The mechanic should have called to check back if the new price was acceptable, but pretending to not being able to afford it was too much. 2. New dishwasher: Just tell the seller what you want and if he annoys you with upselling, just say "This is what I want. Sell me this or I will go." 3. Pyramid scheme: This is the only case where I would have considered to tell that I cannot afford it, as it does not offend the host. (Although I know that I should not have to cater to his feelings after he set it up as a trap.) I can understand why her boyfriend is uncomfortable with her behavior. When you constantly tell people you are broke, but your lifestyle doesn't reflect it, people will judge your character.
It's illegal for the mechanic NOT to call. He was trying to rip her off. NO mechanic is allowed to do work that the owner didn't authorize, and if they do, the owner does NOT have to pay for it.
Load More Replies...You shouldn't but it seems a lot of people demand an explanation it's frustrating it took me a long time to realize NO was a full sentence. People have called me rude for saying no wo an explanation
Load More Replies...NTA. But what the hell kinda auto shop is she going to?! If I quote a job at $150 I can go 10-20% maybe 30% over without notifying the customer, but if I tried to double the original estimate WITHOUT calling to verify with the customer, first I'd feel like s**t because I'm generally an honest person, but my boss would ream me a new one and we'd probably lose a customer. Get you an new mechanic honey.
I use that excuse when I get soliciting calls for donations. My husband and I make good money and could afford pretty much anything we want to buy, but we stick to a budget as much as possible.
"Not in my budget, not money to spend on that, only have money for the dishwasher" those weren't lies. "Oh I'm so broke" would have been a lie. I was ready to TA you, bc I thought you were letting BF pay for everything. Not getting bullied into overspending just to go along is awesome.
You should already see how people treat you when you dress not shabby, theh think you have money when you just have taste, and if you actually make money they want w cut. They expect you to pick up the tab for any coffee or w.e you have. The car thing was legitimate. Don't quote some one 150 then charge them triple.
Yeah. This is how people with money keep the money. The rich stay rich. I have known this my whole life. It was always " let's split the cost" even if the richer person bought more, ate more or ordered the more expensive thing.
Definitely the asshole for claiming to be broke when you really have the money to pay for things. The mechanic worked hard on your car - pay him. The dishwasher....that's a "who cares" thing. The party - just leave (call Uber if you must). If you are constantly lying about this, what else are you lying about? I wouldn't trust you as far as I could throw a tank and would dump you so fast it would make your head spin.
AH because this behaviour will sour people to giving actually poor people a break if found out. Be honest and confront people if they charge you to much or want to pull you into a dodgy thing. Lying about will come back to bite you.
Your money, spend it how you see fit. People back off pretty quickly when you say you are broke so go for it. The car repair bothers me a bit though. My car place will call me with the final price before starting and that is what this place should have done. I don't like the idea of just not paying them for a service. But part of that is on the repair shop. Other than that, the rest seemed fine.
NTA....too many people dont take NO for an answer & will continue to badger &/or take advantage. Most people will leave you alone if you're "broke" but too many dont care that you "just dont want to"
Maybe stop the lying and when someone wants money from you, state the truth and get on with your life. You don't need to lie when you just don't want to spend the money.
ditch out the boyfriend.. with his attitude... he will make u really become broke in the future...
I think being clear about your disposition and expectations would be much better - like when taking the car to the shop, specifying that they quoted you this amount and do not do anything else to my car than the work quoted without my approval. Or at the appliances store, just say... my budget is maximum this amount, what can I get for that amount or less? The boyfriend also didn't help by taking her to a pyramid scheme bullshit party, what was she supposed to say to his friend? You're an idiot for getting involved in a pyramid scheme and I'm staying well out of it so please stop trying to rope me in?
It's your money and you have the right not to spend it. I prefer the " hell no" method but these scenarios might be more tactful. Except for that mechanic, that's a definite " hell no ".
Ok the first example I'm a little wishy washy about but the other two seem perfectly reasonable. I guess you could be more firm without lying though
If people disrespect you, ignore your "no" and try coercing you into to things you don't want- feel free to lie! They earned it. It's a much better strategy than letting them mop the floor with you, or getting into a fight
Oof if I'm the boyfriend then I'm out of there. She's way too comfortable with lying and that's going to bleed into other things at some point. Some of her examples are a little suspect too. Like i don't know of any auto shop that won't call first if they have more work to do. Sounds to me like she's lying again to make herself look better to reddit.
Fine with the mechanic. He gave a quote, and it looks like he was trying to pull a fast one. The dishwasher salesman, I had the same sort of thing when I needed to buy a new TV and I told them I already have household insurance when they tried to sell me an extended warranty (I used to sell them and quit as soon as I discovered how much of a scam they are) and when they tried to sell me a 'faster' HDMI cable I asked them if it was fibre optic. They said no, and I said then it's not measurably faster as it is basically the same wire as the ones I have at home. Trust me, an HDMI cable is the same as a 4K HDMI cable. It's the equipment that determines the speed and the difference is imperceptible. Finally, the fake party... they lied first by saying it was a party. OP should have just walked out. As for the boyfriend, tell him he can spend his own money on the extras, but you won't be funding him. See how long it takes for him to change his tune.
I don't think it's lying to say that she can't afford certain things. Everyone has their own personal budgets, and a lot of folks will save and invest aggressively and "live like they're poor". It's that kind of discipline that will end up making her wealthy instead of wasting money on all the little things.
His perception is his reality, a dishwasher salesman has know idea about your situation besides what you tell him. It’s all in his head and he needs to change his perception. If the GF isn’t around this guy is a perfect mark for a salesman.
The mlm person lied about the party so, all fair there, the rest, no is a complete answer.
NTA. u work hard to make that money. if the only way to get people (pushy salespeople and pyramid scheme brokers) off ur back is by acting broke, then, by all means, act broke. it's sad that most people think they can make a few extra bucks off of u because u have money. it takes tens of hundreds of hours of hard work to make that money and if u don't want to throw it away on a pyramid scheme or upgrades that weren't approved by u, then it's ur call!
yeah, i suppose that her troubles made sense, but she was still being dishonest and her boyfriend despised it. at least she didn't use him for the money
Every situation she's outlined has her being forced into a lie because people don't just accept the "no" she she originally answered with. People trying to take advantage of others, especially when they are told outright "no", don't get the benefit of the truth. Not only is she not the asshole, I'd go so far as to call her boyfriend the asshole here, for not supporting her in the first place. The only reason she has to say she's broke is because she's a woman who people assume is going to cave to their bull.
I didn't find any of these examples unreasonable. I have never feind "being broke" in order to get a pushy sales person from selling me something I don't want but, whatever works. Maybe the BF feels she is being a Karen? The mechanic example she was kinda exhibiting borderline Karen qualities.
The problem maybe the way she is communicating it as I don't think the examples are bad at all. I had a friend who would make a big deal about not spending money and it just made everyone feel uncomfortable, I would be covering the cost of drinks etc which I did not have a problem with but i tried to do it discreetly so both of us don't look bad and he just could not pick up on this, something like this could be the problem that the boyfriend has with her but it's hard to tell from just reading this.
In the examples listed, there is a legitimate reason for not wanting to cough up the extra money, especially the first one. Sure maybe you could make the argument that she wasn't just being forthright right saying I'd rather not spend the money in the other 2 examples instead of saying I don't have it, but this is definitely not a broke act.
I have a problem the way she handled the car, that is not right, especially that the mechanic did their job. But like for the dishwasher, i think it is okay. If you don't need it why would you buy it. That so-called party which is just a front for selling you stuff. I hate those things. There always had a weird vibe in those things wether you buy or not.
This woman was NEGOTIATING, not LYING. In each of the situations she mentions, she was dealing with someone UNSCRUPULOUS (and, yes, having a bait-and-switch party for a pyramid scheme is unscrupulous); people who were alreadt lying to her. Not explicitly telling people the truth is pretty much how 'negotiating' is DONE.. The REAL problem - for her boyfriend and everyone criticizing her - is that she's a WOMAN negotiating by using their pre-conceived ideas of her (that she's single, so probably broke) or how women behave (like not lying or being a good negotiator). To hell with all of them; go make that bank, baby!!
Im sorry but I'm not buying it. I think she really is broke because I'm pretty sure you have to pass enough English and grammar classes to be an engineer. Yeesh what a literary disaster. Definitely can't get paid 10k a paycheck writing like that. Girl is broke.
Ok..the mechanics, I understand why you stood your ground. Although I would say you are NTA, I agree with a previous commenter that said you should just say "no" and stand your ground. Your bf also needs to get over it. It's not his money, he doesn't get to dictate how it is spent. And just because you make a lot of money doesn't mean you have to spend a lot of money. As for the pyramid scheme party...I would have left as soon as I found out what it was. It may be his friend, but he's apparently not a good friend if he's trying to pressure you into joining his illegal scheme.
Too many people, especially men, hear a woman say "no" and think it means "convince me".
Load More Replies...If you want someone to listen to your opinion, try not using such disgusting, denigrating language while stating it.
Load More Replies...It's frustrating when people socialise and claim they're too poor to join in and expect others to pick up the tab, but all of the scenarios described seem perfectly reasonable. The boyfriends approach to her money feels like more of a red flag than her own behaviour.
That's true, her examples don't describe someone trying to lie their way into using other people's money to finance their social life.
Load More Replies...Not the asshole, sometimes you do have to lie to stop pushy people into "making" you buy something you don't want or need. Your boyfriend either needs to stand up with you and say something to the people pushing you to purchase something or just shut up and deal with your excuses. It would be better if you could say a firm, confident NO, but I know even that doesn't make people listen. As long as you aren't using it as an excuse to take advantage of someone then I don't see the huge issue. Unless your a compulsive liar.
Agreed, she doesn't owe those sellers anything and when the first 'no' doesn't make an impression, why not just lie to get it over with? Nothing wrong with making life a little bit easier for yourself, provided it doesn't hurt anyone of course.
Load More Replies...NTA. Too many people don't take 'no' for an answer, especially from women, and saying "I can't afford that" is a barrier they can't negotiate. Women regularly get charged more for services like car repairs, and this is a smart way to make them honor original estimates.
I thought this was going to be an article about a girl who pretends to be broke to make her bf pay for things, so I got angry in advance. Now I think this is brilliant! Perfect excuse to stop sales people trying to force you to buy something.
My father, who was never anything but comfortable financially because he was careful with money did that with telephone solicitors. He enjoyed pretending he was broke. In this case, as several wrote, she was well within her rights to not spend money she didn't wish to spend, but being assertive would be better in the first two cases. I'm curious how her boyfriend responded to the MLM gathering. Would she have followed his lead, or did he feel he had to buy in? Ugh.
NTA. She didnt blatantly exploit or took advantage of anyone. They r just little white lies thats used more as a defence mechanism against being taken advantaged of. About the mechanic, he should have called her the moment he realised more work then expected needed to be done (if its actually true) to see if she was agreeable - it is more than double the original quote after all! .
Sales people will be pushy if they know that you have the money to spend on whatever they're selling. As long as this girl isn't using that excuse to get other people to buy her stuff I don't see the problem. Some people just won't take no for an answer unless they thing you actually dont have the money.
Considering that this is just her perspective, I do wonder if she isn't telling the full story. i.e. there are say... 50 stories of her "acting broke", and she very carefully thought of the three stories that are obviously acceptable and legitimate, and avoided telling the stories where she said "oops forgot my purse" and expected someone else to cover her bill for dinner. That being said, MLM "parties" are the worse and I would 100% refuse to give a penny.
It's nobody's business if you can or cant afford something or how much money you make. If you find it easier to get sales people off your back by using that excuse, do it! Sales people lie constantly and don't think twice about it. Although if your lies spill into the relationship and the shared costs that would be an issue. I'm sure that is what the boyfriend is worried about; what other lies there might be.
A quotation is legally binding. If the repairs cost more due to unforeseen circumstances, then it’s the trader’s responsibility and they need to carry the extra cost, that’s the law. If they didn’t want to run that risk, then they shouldn’t have given a quote, but an estimate instead. The rules are simple: quote = fixed price that cannot legally be changed, even if there are additional unforeseen costs vs estimate = ballpark figure that may change at any point for any reason.
You are correct the vast majority of the times, but just be aware that there may be times when unforeseen circumstances can legitimately cause the price to go up. A classic example is if during construction of a pool, a massive boulder is discovered underground that neither party could have known about. The parties made the mutual mistake of thinking the ground contained no massive boulders and so the original contract is voidable.
Load More Replies...Avoiding upsells is a NTA move easily. I do wonder if there are other instances that aren't being mentioned that may be different though. If these are the only times then your boyfriend needs to not be so uptight.
Borderline-case. You should not just settle for spending much money, but tricking people who do good service in getting too little pay is neither fine. Just take the first case: the mechanic should have called, warning that costs would be higher. Nicely negotiating something above the original 150 but below the 320 would have been fair. Lying to get the original 150 is basically exploiting the good-will of the mechanic. And this comes with opportunity costs, as he can spend his working time only once...so fixing that old lady's car who could really not afford it might now not be possible. Sanity check: we are not alone in the world. Do our actions lead to potential negative consequences for others? If so, think twice!
Just say, 'No thanks, that's mroe than I want to spend." That's all. No drama, no lying, no BS, walk away. All this was manipulative crap, and it's not mature. And if someone won't hear your "no", then you repeat it so loudly that everyone stares at you and at them. Speak in ALL CAPS. No anger needed, just volume. B/c her reputation as a liar/cheapskate will come back on her.
The only way to stop the mlm pushy people is to say you're broke or they will try to take every penny you have
Maybe I'm strange but ridiculing them generally works for me.
Load More Replies...Indeed, learning to say no was one of the most satisfying thing I learned
Load More Replies...Yes and No. Going around claiming you're broke is an asshole move, real broke people don't do that. Trying to stay within a stipulated budget shows that you know how to manage your money. I mean, sellers want to sell and they will try every trick in the book, right? So, NTA here. What I am most interested in is: Why would your bf drag you to a Pyramid Scheme Party in the first place? And then blame you for unveiling that scheme and making it about YOU embarassing HIM in front of his friends?!
The bf reacts like that because being proven wrong once invested either emotionally or financially in something. It hurts them to think they were bamboozled, hoodwinked or even befuddled. It's a human thing sadly. And not one of the best.
Load More Replies...I thought the topic was going to be the usual "each time I agree to buy something on Craigslist, I make people drive it over then hold out for a lower price than agreed; they usually accept so their trip wasn't wasted" situation. But the garage is obviously just milking for extra cash; they try and have no problem folding quickly as it's not costing them anything. The other two are just lazy lies; not a real problem --- I don't owe telling the truth to some pushy salesman/evangelist/shouting weirdo in the street; whatever deescalates is fine. But telling acquaintances you're broke when you aren't is crossing the line.
Inviting someone to your MLM networking pressure-sale and calling it a "party" is crossing the line.
Load More Replies...Habitually lying instead of saying that you are not interested is an AH move.
I've lied like a sidewalk a LOT because people take one look at a woman and assume they can rip us off because we're "too stupid" to know what car repairs/house repairs/appliances etc. actually cost. It's an ugly thing that people do to screw us over because we're "just women". ...///... I've gotten to the point that I will dress down, not wear jewelry, and keep my head down just so that people won't harass me to spend money that I don't want to spend. ..../// ... The boyfriend is a tin plated asshole for whining about this. She needs to DTMFA and NOW.
What the hell is wrong with her boyfriend? 1) You're not obligated to buy extras when you go to get something, and it doesn't matter what your excuse is, or even if you choose to make an excuse. 2) MLM "parties" are some serious BS. Forget that noise. 3) The auto shop one is a little too much, but the shop should have contacted her after looking at the car, and before undertaking the more expensive repairs. I'd call that one about even. Basically, her BF has some issues.
The auto shop is REQUIRED to phone her before they do any work beyond the original estimate. They probably didn't do any of the work they claimed, they just decided that a "little woman" was "too stupid" to know anything about cars.
Load More Replies...I used to do that, now that I'm older and bolder (quoting somebody on PB) I have learned just say no repeatly when needed and stand on my ground.
This is tricky. 1. The mechanic should have called to check back if the new price was acceptable, but pretending to not being able to afford it was too much. 2. New dishwasher: Just tell the seller what you want and if he annoys you with upselling, just say "This is what I want. Sell me this or I will go." 3. Pyramid scheme: This is the only case where I would have considered to tell that I cannot afford it, as it does not offend the host. (Although I know that I should not have to cater to his feelings after he set it up as a trap.) I can understand why her boyfriend is uncomfortable with her behavior. When you constantly tell people you are broke, but your lifestyle doesn't reflect it, people will judge your character.
It's illegal for the mechanic NOT to call. He was trying to rip her off. NO mechanic is allowed to do work that the owner didn't authorize, and if they do, the owner does NOT have to pay for it.
Load More Replies...You shouldn't but it seems a lot of people demand an explanation it's frustrating it took me a long time to realize NO was a full sentence. People have called me rude for saying no wo an explanation
Load More Replies...NTA. But what the hell kinda auto shop is she going to?! If I quote a job at $150 I can go 10-20% maybe 30% over without notifying the customer, but if I tried to double the original estimate WITHOUT calling to verify with the customer, first I'd feel like s**t because I'm generally an honest person, but my boss would ream me a new one and we'd probably lose a customer. Get you an new mechanic honey.
I use that excuse when I get soliciting calls for donations. My husband and I make good money and could afford pretty much anything we want to buy, but we stick to a budget as much as possible.
"Not in my budget, not money to spend on that, only have money for the dishwasher" those weren't lies. "Oh I'm so broke" would have been a lie. I was ready to TA you, bc I thought you were letting BF pay for everything. Not getting bullied into overspending just to go along is awesome.
You should already see how people treat you when you dress not shabby, theh think you have money when you just have taste, and if you actually make money they want w cut. They expect you to pick up the tab for any coffee or w.e you have. The car thing was legitimate. Don't quote some one 150 then charge them triple.
Yeah. This is how people with money keep the money. The rich stay rich. I have known this my whole life. It was always " let's split the cost" even if the richer person bought more, ate more or ordered the more expensive thing.
Definitely the asshole for claiming to be broke when you really have the money to pay for things. The mechanic worked hard on your car - pay him. The dishwasher....that's a "who cares" thing. The party - just leave (call Uber if you must). If you are constantly lying about this, what else are you lying about? I wouldn't trust you as far as I could throw a tank and would dump you so fast it would make your head spin.
AH because this behaviour will sour people to giving actually poor people a break if found out. Be honest and confront people if they charge you to much or want to pull you into a dodgy thing. Lying about will come back to bite you.
Your money, spend it how you see fit. People back off pretty quickly when you say you are broke so go for it. The car repair bothers me a bit though. My car place will call me with the final price before starting and that is what this place should have done. I don't like the idea of just not paying them for a service. But part of that is on the repair shop. Other than that, the rest seemed fine.
NTA....too many people dont take NO for an answer & will continue to badger &/or take advantage. Most people will leave you alone if you're "broke" but too many dont care that you "just dont want to"
Maybe stop the lying and when someone wants money from you, state the truth and get on with your life. You don't need to lie when you just don't want to spend the money.
ditch out the boyfriend.. with his attitude... he will make u really become broke in the future...
I think being clear about your disposition and expectations would be much better - like when taking the car to the shop, specifying that they quoted you this amount and do not do anything else to my car than the work quoted without my approval. Or at the appliances store, just say... my budget is maximum this amount, what can I get for that amount or less? The boyfriend also didn't help by taking her to a pyramid scheme bullshit party, what was she supposed to say to his friend? You're an idiot for getting involved in a pyramid scheme and I'm staying well out of it so please stop trying to rope me in?
It's your money and you have the right not to spend it. I prefer the " hell no" method but these scenarios might be more tactful. Except for that mechanic, that's a definite " hell no ".
Ok the first example I'm a little wishy washy about but the other two seem perfectly reasonable. I guess you could be more firm without lying though
If people disrespect you, ignore your "no" and try coercing you into to things you don't want- feel free to lie! They earned it. It's a much better strategy than letting them mop the floor with you, or getting into a fight
Oof if I'm the boyfriend then I'm out of there. She's way too comfortable with lying and that's going to bleed into other things at some point. Some of her examples are a little suspect too. Like i don't know of any auto shop that won't call first if they have more work to do. Sounds to me like she's lying again to make herself look better to reddit.
Fine with the mechanic. He gave a quote, and it looks like he was trying to pull a fast one. The dishwasher salesman, I had the same sort of thing when I needed to buy a new TV and I told them I already have household insurance when they tried to sell me an extended warranty (I used to sell them and quit as soon as I discovered how much of a scam they are) and when they tried to sell me a 'faster' HDMI cable I asked them if it was fibre optic. They said no, and I said then it's not measurably faster as it is basically the same wire as the ones I have at home. Trust me, an HDMI cable is the same as a 4K HDMI cable. It's the equipment that determines the speed and the difference is imperceptible. Finally, the fake party... they lied first by saying it was a party. OP should have just walked out. As for the boyfriend, tell him he can spend his own money on the extras, but you won't be funding him. See how long it takes for him to change his tune.
I don't think it's lying to say that she can't afford certain things. Everyone has their own personal budgets, and a lot of folks will save and invest aggressively and "live like they're poor". It's that kind of discipline that will end up making her wealthy instead of wasting money on all the little things.
His perception is his reality, a dishwasher salesman has know idea about your situation besides what you tell him. It’s all in his head and he needs to change his perception. If the GF isn’t around this guy is a perfect mark for a salesman.
The mlm person lied about the party so, all fair there, the rest, no is a complete answer.
NTA. u work hard to make that money. if the only way to get people (pushy salespeople and pyramid scheme brokers) off ur back is by acting broke, then, by all means, act broke. it's sad that most people think they can make a few extra bucks off of u because u have money. it takes tens of hundreds of hours of hard work to make that money and if u don't want to throw it away on a pyramid scheme or upgrades that weren't approved by u, then it's ur call!
yeah, i suppose that her troubles made sense, but she was still being dishonest and her boyfriend despised it. at least she didn't use him for the money
Every situation she's outlined has her being forced into a lie because people don't just accept the "no" she she originally answered with. People trying to take advantage of others, especially when they are told outright "no", don't get the benefit of the truth. Not only is she not the asshole, I'd go so far as to call her boyfriend the asshole here, for not supporting her in the first place. The only reason she has to say she's broke is because she's a woman who people assume is going to cave to their bull.
I didn't find any of these examples unreasonable. I have never feind "being broke" in order to get a pushy sales person from selling me something I don't want but, whatever works. Maybe the BF feels she is being a Karen? The mechanic example she was kinda exhibiting borderline Karen qualities.
The problem maybe the way she is communicating it as I don't think the examples are bad at all. I had a friend who would make a big deal about not spending money and it just made everyone feel uncomfortable, I would be covering the cost of drinks etc which I did not have a problem with but i tried to do it discreetly so both of us don't look bad and he just could not pick up on this, something like this could be the problem that the boyfriend has with her but it's hard to tell from just reading this.
In the examples listed, there is a legitimate reason for not wanting to cough up the extra money, especially the first one. Sure maybe you could make the argument that she wasn't just being forthright right saying I'd rather not spend the money in the other 2 examples instead of saying I don't have it, but this is definitely not a broke act.
I have a problem the way she handled the car, that is not right, especially that the mechanic did their job. But like for the dishwasher, i think it is okay. If you don't need it why would you buy it. That so-called party which is just a front for selling you stuff. I hate those things. There always had a weird vibe in those things wether you buy or not.
This woman was NEGOTIATING, not LYING. In each of the situations she mentions, she was dealing with someone UNSCRUPULOUS (and, yes, having a bait-and-switch party for a pyramid scheme is unscrupulous); people who were alreadt lying to her. Not explicitly telling people the truth is pretty much how 'negotiating' is DONE.. The REAL problem - for her boyfriend and everyone criticizing her - is that she's a WOMAN negotiating by using their pre-conceived ideas of her (that she's single, so probably broke) or how women behave (like not lying or being a good negotiator). To hell with all of them; go make that bank, baby!!
Im sorry but I'm not buying it. I think she really is broke because I'm pretty sure you have to pass enough English and grammar classes to be an engineer. Yeesh what a literary disaster. Definitely can't get paid 10k a paycheck writing like that. Girl is broke.
Ok..the mechanics, I understand why you stood your ground. Although I would say you are NTA, I agree with a previous commenter that said you should just say "no" and stand your ground. Your bf also needs to get over it. It's not his money, he doesn't get to dictate how it is spent. And just because you make a lot of money doesn't mean you have to spend a lot of money. As for the pyramid scheme party...I would have left as soon as I found out what it was. It may be his friend, but he's apparently not a good friend if he's trying to pressure you into joining his illegal scheme.
Too many people, especially men, hear a woman say "no" and think it means "convince me".
Load More Replies...If you want someone to listen to your opinion, try not using such disgusting, denigrating language while stating it.
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