Guy Shuts Down Open Relationship Suggestion, Finds Out Why Woman Wanted It So Bad

All relationships are built on trust, and there’s just no getting around that. Whether you’re in a committed monogamous relationship or an open one, being honest about your intentions is what keeps a relationship from falling apart.

One guy recently shared a story online about his long-term relationship. Out of nowhere, his girlfriend of four years asked to “open” their relationship.

While her request isn’t earth-shattering, the story is much more convoluted.

Her lies and betrayal quickly came to light when he started digging a little deeper.

To make sense of this story, Bored Panda turned to Effy Blue, a relationship expert and coach, for some insight.

A man said his girlfriend of four years suddenly wanted an open relationship

Young woman suggests an open relationship while the guy immediately breaks up, both sitting back-to-back looking upset.

Image credits: denisapolka (not the actual image)

The request came out of the blue and the man didn’t like her suggestion

Text post describing a woman suggesting an open relationship leading to a guy breaking up with her immediately.

Text about a woman suggesting an open relationship and the guy breaking up with her due to trust issues.

Text explaining why a guy broke up with a woman after she suggested an open relationship, emphasizing relationship boundaries.

Man holding smartphone with clenched fist on a wooden table, reflecting emotions about an open relationship breakup.

Image credits: Wavebreak Media (not the actual image)

Text message discussing regret and doubts after a woman suggests an open relationship and the guy breaks up with her.

Woman suggests an open relationship to her boyfriend, who immediately breaks up and she cries to take him back.

Image credits: prettiergenghis

Millions of people have explored open relationships or polyamory

Open relationships and polyamory are not as uncommon as they used to be. Millions of people have tried either, and even more say they’d consider it.

About 4–5% of US adults say they are currently in an open or consensually non‑monogamous relationship, according to recent relationship statistics reports.

And around 20–25% of people in the US have engaged in some form of consensual non‑monogamy at some point in their lives. Roughly one‑quarter say they wouldn’t mind trying one.

In the UK, one in six people say they would be open to a non-monogamous relationship if it were more accepted by society.

However, the key word in all these stats is “consensual” — meaning both people are actually on the same page.

Bored Panda asked Effy Blue, a relationship expert who coaches people exploring ethical non-monogamy, to give her insight on this story.

“Ethical non-monogamy is a relationship structure built on transparency, communication, and clearly defined boundaries that everyone involved agrees to. It can take many forms, from couple-centric open relationships to polyamory with multiple committed partners, and the defining feature is informed consent,” she says.

Blue believes monogamy and seriousness are not synonyms. “A relationship can be deeply committed and non-monogamous at the same time.”

The biggest relationship downfall is a lack of honest conversation

Problems tend to arise not from being monogamous or non-monogamous, but from misalignment and lack of honest conversation.

Blue believes that even after being in a long-term serious relationship, it’s not an odd request to suggest options. “Relationship structure has nothing to do with how committed or meaningful the connection is,” she adds.

“In fact, couples who have been together for years may be well-positioned to transition into non-monogamy because they often have trust, shared history, and emotional intimacy to lean on.”

However, she says, opening a relationship is not a casual tweak. “It’s more like a renovation. Opening a relationship turns on stadium-sized spotlights. Suddenly you can see the cracks, the dust bunnies, and the unresolved tensions that were easier to ignore before.”

At the same time, a sudden request to “open” a relationship doesn’t really make sense at all if one partner has already cheated.

Infidelity is not that rare and can affect any kind of relationship

While monogamy is still seen as the ideal or fundamental relationship model, betrayal inside it is hardly rare.

In a survey, 54% of Americans said they had been cheated on in some way. Around a third (33%) admitted they have cheated on someone — whether physically, emotionally, or both.

“Cheating happens when someone violates the agreements of their relationship. It is not about the number of partners involved. It is about secrecy and broken trust. That can happen in any structure, monogamous or non-monogamous,” says Blue.

In consensual open relationships, partners usually have explicit agreements about boundaries. Who can they see? What counts as emotional intimacy? What needs to be disclosed?

“For example, if a couple agrees to only date other people who are also in open relationships and one partner secretly dates someone single without telling the other, that is considered cheating because it is breaking an agreement. Non-monogamy does not excuse betrayal. No relationship structure does,” she notes.

But why do some people in serious relationships suddenly want to date other people?

“For some couples, non-monogamy offers a way to resolve specific tensions while preserving what is already working. Many couples share deep emotional intimacy, shared values, and a meaningful domestic life. They may co-parent well. They may feel like true partners in every sense. Ending the relationship would mean losing something that is working,” Blue answers.

She believes that transitioning into non-monogamy is not a downgrade. “It is not the final stop before a breakup. When done consciously, it is a restructuring.”

At the same time, Blue says infidelity in any kind of relationship can feel like an earthquake. “It shakes the foundation of the relationship and leaves emotional wreckage in its wake.”

“The first step is to allow space for grief. The relationship as you knew it is gone. Even if you decide to rebuild, you are rebuilding something new, not returning to what existed before. That loss deserves to be acknowledged.”

She says the real conversation is not about monogamy versus non-monogamy. “It is about whether people are building relationships by default or by design. When couples consciously define their agreements, revisit them, and take responsibility for their impact on one another, they move out of reactive relationships and into intentional ones.”

Many people supported the man’s decision to break up with his girlfriend

Reddit discussion about a woman suggesting an open relationship and the guy breaking up immediately.

Text conversation about a woman suggesting an open relationship and a guy immediately breaking up with her.

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Text conversation about relationship trust issues, open relationships, and feelings of betrayal and anger.

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Comment explaining reasons a woman suggests an open relationship leading to breakup and regret to take her back.

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Comment from BisquickNinja sharing experience about open relationship and breakup, urging to stick to your guns after regret.

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Comment discussing a relationship where a woman suggests an open relationship and the guy breaks up immediately.

Text screenshot of a conversation discussing a woman suggesting an open relationship and the man's reaction to break up.

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Reddit comment discussing a woman suggesting an open relationship and the guy breaking up with her immediately.

Reddit comment explaining why a woman suggests an open relationship and the guy immediately breaks up with her.

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Comment discussing a woman suggesting an open relationship and the guy breaking up immediately.

The man gave an update on the situation and the secrets that were revealed after the breakup

Text update about woman suggesting an open relationship and guy breaking up, with her wanting to get back together.

Text on a white background reading about suspicion of cheating and nagging feelings after expressing concerns to others.

Text excerpt about a woman suggesting an open relationship and the guy immediately breaking up with her.

Two men in a bar having a serious conversation about an open relationship suggestion and breakup emotions.

Image credits: tetyanaafshar (not the actual image)

Text screenshot describing suspicions of cheating leading to a confrontation at a local pub.

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Text message from a guy explaining closure after his ex suggested an open relationship and he broke up with her immediately.

Person in casual clothes holding a cardboard box, symbolizing breakup and open relationship discussion.

Image credits: wirestock (not the actual image)

Text message showing a woman suggesting an open relationship and the guy immediately breaking up with her.

Image credits: prettiergenghis

Several readers praised the man for trusting his instincts

Screenshot of a Reddit conversation discussing a guy breaking up after a woman suggests an open relationship.

Screenshot of an online conversation about a woman suggesting an open relationship and the guy breaking up immediately.

Reddit conversation showing a woman suggesting an open relationship and the guy immediately breaking up with her.

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Comment praising someone for ending a relationship immediately after a woman suggests an open relationship.

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Comment on a forum about open relationship suggestion, with a supportive message encouraging moving on to a better relationship.

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Alt text: Man breaks up with woman after she suggests an open relationship, then regrets it and tries to take her back crying.

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Text post by anon stating they would let her know they know the truth about the open relationship suggestion.

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Comment praising a guy for trusting instincts and breaking up after woman suggests an open relationship.

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Comment discussing trust issues in open relationships and reasons behind suggesting them during monogamous relationships.

Screenshot of a breakup conversation where a woman suggests an open relationship and the guy immediately breaks up with her.

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Screenshot of an online comment discussing a breakup after a woman suggests an open relationship, showing user reaction.

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Text post discussing polyamory and mentioning a guy breaking up after a woman suggests an open relationship.

Text post discussing a woman suggesting an open relationship and the guy immediately breaking up with her.

Comment about a woman suggesting an open relationship and a guy breaking up with her immediately, showing no accountability.

Comment about open relationships and polyamory linked to cheating, displayed on a social media platform.

Comment discussing challenges of opening a relationship and importance of communication and boundaries in relationships.

Text post about a woman suggesting an open relationship, leading to an immediate breakup and regret.

Comment discussing challenges of open relationships when suggested after years in a monogamous relationship.

Screenshot of an online comment praising a handsome guy, mentioning love for Gen Z cats, related to open relationship breakup topic.

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Text post from user emaandee96 requesting the note to be left and an update when woman reads it.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment where a user says they broke up immediately after a woman suggested an open relationship.

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