Woman Leaves Her Boyfriend For Reacting Violently To A Super Bowl Commercial, Sparks An Important Conversation About Domestic Violence
It’s common for fans to get riled up during a sporting event that they’re passionate about, but there’s a big difference between booing when disappointed and channelling that frustration into physical violence. So when one woman’s partner started spewing harsh words at her, and even punched a wall, during a Super Bowl commercial, she knew that the relationship was not going to work out. Below, you’ll find the full story that she shared online, as well as the important conversation that followed about domestic violence.
After one man’s fervor for the Super Bowl escalated to physical violence, a post his girlfriend made detailing the experience went viral
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The woman initially broke up with her boyfriend following the incident, however, she later shared that she was considering giving him a second chance
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Now, many readers are having important conversations about domestic violence online
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The Super Bowl is a huge event in the United States. The entire NFL season culminates in this one exciting event where about one third of the nation, 113 million people to be exact, gathers around their TVs to see which team will take home the big trophy. Even for those who aren’t passionate sports fans, the day can still be enjoyed by viewers who get to eat all of the delicious game-day snacks and watch the half-time performance and Super Bowl-specific advertisements. Every year, companies try to go above and beyond to grab audiences’ attention with their Super Bowl commercials, as they know about a third of the country is watching, and one ad in particular caused quite the stir this year.
The controversial ad in question, which is referenced in this post, was created by Tubi, a free TV and movie streaming app. Their 2023 Super Bowl commercial was essentially a prank, making it appear like the game had come back on TV but someone was using the remote to go to the Tubi app instead. While it confused and upset many viewers for the 15 seconds it was on their TVs, it’s just an ad. Most people laughed and enjoyed the commercial’s humor once they realized what had happened. Unfortunately for the woman who shared this story online, however, this commercial brought out a side of her partner that she had never seen before.
Some people might not consider punching a wall to be a big deal, but it can be an indication of much larger anger issues or potential patterns of domestic abuse
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The woman’s first impulse to get out of this situation was absolutely correct, as punching a wall is a frightening indication of domestic abuse. Yes, there is a difference between punching a wall and a person, but this kind of behavior tends to escalate, and it’s not worth it to stick around until you become the wall. According to Healthline, violent outbursts such as punching a wall should never be ignored because they can be a sign of underlying anger issues or a tactic of abuse. “While punching a hole in the wall might not seem like abuse (since it only hurts the person doing the punching), it can be a form of intimidation,” Crystal Raypole explains.
“An abusive partner might destroy property to control you or make you feel afraid. Their aggressive acts are essentially saying, ‘Don’t make me mad, because I might not be able to control myself,’ or ‘Do what I say or this could happen to you’,” Raypole goes on to note. “Wall punching can be a pretty big red flag even if they don’t show other signs of physical aggression. Maybe you truly believe they’d never hurt you, but abuse involves more than just violence. Living in fear of saying or doing the wrong thing can take a huge toll on emotional health, even if you never experience direct physical harm.”
And unfortunately, there is a link between reports of domestic violence increasing during and after sporting events. During the 2018 World Cup, the domestic abuse helpline of The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children in the UK received an unsettling one third more contacts than their average month. Kimberly Truong wrote in a piece for Refinery29 that, “A 2013 study from Lancaster University found that domestic violence reports at a police department in the northwest of England rose by 38% after matches in which the English national soccer team played and lost (and a 26% increase even when the team won).” And an 11-year study in the United States found that domestic violence reports increased by 10% following NFL games in places where their local teams had lost.
And while sporting events cannot cause violence, abusers often use these emotional events to justify explosive behavior
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But let’s be clear about one thing: the Super Bowl and this controversial commercial did not suddenly make this man react in the way that he did. Rachel Goldsmith, LCSW-R, told Refinery29 that abusers may use the strong emotions that surface during a heated sporting event as an excuse to take out their emotions on a partner. “People who are abusive like to find ways to justify their abusive behavior,” Goldsmith explains. “When you have something like a high-stakes sporting event, you have emotions involved, you might have money involved for a bet, you have drinking involved — all of those things can give a built-in excuse as to why domestic violence occurs, but none of those things actually cause domestic violence.”
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Would you have immediately broken up with your partner following this incident as well? I hope this is a reminder to stay safe and always follow your gut. Don’t let anyone ever justify making you feel unsafe. Let us know how you would have reacted in this situation, and then if you’re interested in reading a Bored Panda article discussing red flags to look out for in your partner, we recommend checking out this story next.
Readers are calling out the normalization of aggressive behavior from men, noting that anger does not justify violence
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Ah c'mon... he just scared her once and was drunk. He even said he was sorry!! Besides her knowing he has a temper he's a REALLY good guy. He will not do anything like that again... Me: 🤦♀️ He has an anger issue and being that out of control by a commercial, how will he be with screaming babies and so on? 🚩🚩🚩
I was about to be like “Excuse me wtf” then realized it’s sarcasm lol
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Hello.......how do I put this.....Oh I know, RED FLAG ALERT!!! If he is such an A$$hat over something so trivial, you don't want him in your life.
The ability to readily call her awful names is a HUGE warning about how he views women let alone the fact that, he can't take a joke (heck, she might have done something like this as a lark, many would,even though in this case a corporation chose to do it ironically as a lark) and is so ready to act out he punches through a wall. He is outright misogynistic and will abuse any woman because he does not really have basic human respect at his core.
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The part about how males wait until children are involved in a relationship to become abusive is so true and honestly not talked about enough. I've seen so many women stay with abusive males who babytrapped them just for the kids' sake. It's so sad.
I have a friend who is currently going through this and it just kills me. He's doing everything he can to ruin her life and take the kids even though he's a serial cheater and financially and mentally abusive.
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She didn't break up with him over a commercial. She broke up with him over his insane reaction to a 15 second video prank. What would happen if someone dropped a water balloon on his head? Punch them in the face?
Or if he's really tired from work and they have a screaming baby in the future... I love my children, but sometimes I clenched my jaw, not to mutter some swearwords. What an angry abusive man would do in that situation... I don't even want to think about it.
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I'm sorry, but I am raising three boys, and the first time they do this to a partner, male or female, I feel like that partner has the right to walk away. "Boys will be boys" is supposed to mean they do silly, stupid things, not hurt others. Not sure why some people are ok with abuse.
Yeah, those are some horrible parent telling her to go back to him!!
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There's a huge difference between getting angry and getting so abusive that the other partner feels in danger. Just once is plenty to break up with them. And screw mom and dad for saying she's overreacting!
Yeah, that's some toxic advice from the parents. 👎 They need to do better.
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"Other than his tendency to bite faces off, this leopard is a wonderful fur-ever friend!"
"He was a devoted, loving husband and father until the day his team lost the Super Bowl and he killed his wife and kids in a sudden, totally unexpected outburst of substance induced anger..."
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And the intergenerational cycle of abuse continues. Of course he wouldn't have the skills to deal with his anger; his role model was an abuser. I really hope she has left and is safe. I lived in hiding for years after I left an abuser. I think that saved my life.
Good for you. 👍 I hope everyone in an abusiv relationship are as brave and lucky as you having the chance to leave. Hope you are safe and happy now.
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She really wrote "outside of the anger bursts"... No. Just, NO! I have never laid my hands on a woman. Ever. Period. Even when one tried to hit me for keeping her from drunkenly walking into traffic. Even when one slapped me because she "was frustrated" (never spoke to her again). Bursts of anger are when people are beaten or worse. He needs to get himself sorted mentally before she should even consider going back. If I were her, I wouldn't ever go back.
Good for you for leaving that horrible woman that slapped you. 👍 NO ONE should accept that treatment and it's sad that we as a society downplay violence toward men in relationships.
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Anger management can be difficult if you've never been taught the skills. The best thing you can do for this guy, is to leave, and draw a hard line. If this is his rock bottom, maybe it will push him to get the help he needs. If you go back, you are putting yourself in a dangerous situation, and you are also reinforcing a pattern of 'get angry, lash out, apologise, escape consequences'.
Mmm... so "difficult" that women do it every second of every day without pause. Men need to keep up!
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OP absolutely did the right thing by leaving. Frankly, the first red flag was screaming at OP during the commercial, even before punching a wall. That ex-boyfriend earned his prefix, with "honors," so to speak. That said, how irresponsible/short-sighted was Tubi for making that commercial? The Super Bowl often is the catalyst for a perfect storm of toxic masculinity, alcohol abuse, and rabid fanaticism. And to joke about ripping it away? I sincerely doubt this was an isolated incident, and I'm shocked there hasn't been a more serious DV incident reported. Not that the prevalence of DV incidents gets the attention it deserves, sadly...
If someone is that triggered by a 15 sec commercial maybe they should watch Peppa Pig or something instead. But you are totally right that toxic masculinity is a thing. A very bad thing. Idiots. They should take a long time reflecting on them self.... That isn't masculinity, healthy masculinity is very different. It has wonderful qualities, support, safety, stability, comfort and so on. I hope every man strive for that.
Load More Replies... Leave & don’t look back. There’s no excuse for this sort of behavior.
"Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. It gets suggested a lot for these things alongside "The Gift of Fear." I also inherently do not trust people who get this angry over a game - any game, including video games.
It's never on to just accept violent behavior. Regardless of drinking or not. And a wall can just as easily be swapped with a jaw or rib cage or shoulder if that is in range. Violence begets violence. Anger management is an option. But the best is removing yourself from the path of the speeding car. Yes you can still date him. Casually. But also stand up for yourself. And listen I know men and women can commit violence to another human. In general it's best to get away. Many years of my life would have been mine and not the property of fear and anxiety. It was hard the last two times to get out but I did. And I didn't look back personally. It was hard. I started over from scratch. I moved in with my mom. But family will have your back if they love you. If they can't help then there are shelters and hotels and motels you can stay at until you get safe. No. It's not easy. You're not to blame. You don't need to apologize or excuse that persons behavior. You need to be safe.
My ex flipped out when I referred to their rugby team as the pink cows, instead of the blue bulls, when the team debuted pink kit - it was a red flag added to the many so far
Oh no. Something manly is called pink!! The horror. 🤦♀️ He sounds like a real jerk. I'm almost afraid to use the words toxic masculinity public on the web. That always triggers the wrong people. But your ex sounds like a prime example. There is a difference in toxic and healthy masculinity. The later is great and among other wonderful traits are not threatened by something being pink. Good for you that you left. Hope you are happy now.
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My aunt was in an abusive relationship once. Which is crazy to me because she comes from a long line of strong women. Anyway, I don't know if he ever hit her, but I know that he pushed her. He didn't like her to spend time with the family or her friends. She was with essentially 24/7. One day, she passed out at work and that's when my sister and I learned that she had been on a liquid diet. I will always believe that he made her do that diet. After she passed out, my mom and sister took her to her doctors in Dallas and that's when we learned that she was pregnant. He broke up with her and stole forty dollars from her because she had asked my dad to talk to the boyfriend about not stressing her out anymore. Unfortunately, she lost the baby, but she doesn't have to deal with that prick anymore.
my aunt was also in an abusive relationship. I think this happened either before I was alive, or when I was super young. Her fiance pushed her down the stairs. She was gone immediately, and never went back. Luckily she couldn't be baby trapped, because she doesn't have a uterus anymore. She's now happily married to a man everyone loves, and he makes the best bagels I've ever eaten!
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I feel so validated. My mom's a yeller, when I lived at home we did not have a good relationship. She'd fly off the handle, tell me she hated me, and this always came with terrifying amounts of manic yelling. Her and I are fine now, we've both grown and developed and our relationship is awesome. BUT, anyone yelling makes me very very nervous and upset. I've dated two men who have gotten wildly upset at TV shows/commercials. As soon as I saw that I started to shut down and the relationships ended shortly after. It's just completely unnecessary and sickening to me. Thank goodness there wasn't a freak power outage or something - we might've found this woman's dead body the next day.
I had much the same type of mother. We got along great for decades after I grew up, but two years ago I realized how totally f****d up my personality is due to my upbringing. It’s ruined my whole life. I wish I had not been born.
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I punched a wall once. I was alone, overworked, overwhelmed, suffering from what I would later learn to be one of my first big fights with depression. I was painting the nursery (pregnant wife was at work) and I did something wrong, can't even remember what, and I punched the wall. I hurt my hand and the wall. So I was overworked, overwhelmed, had a hurt hand, felt stupid, and had a wall to fix. Never did it again. If he has those kinds of issues she needs to protect herself and he needs to deal with his c**p or live alone and keep spare dry wall, tape, and mud in the garage.
Sometime you loose your temper and that's okay. I hit a door post with an umbrella when I was 17 and my parents divorced. My mum moved to another city 30 minutes away (here we get our drivers license at 18) and my father worked 3 hours away and came back every weekend when they were married but every other weekend or less after the divorced. Alone in our former family home I developed depression but only hurt myself and then once the door post. But I have never ever hurt someone else (even umbrellas) in all my years after that. I think fits of anger is okay as long as they are not directed or effect other people.
Load More Replies... Most abusers and manipulative people can act nice when they want something. As soon as they get the person back, they're back to their old ways. Living with someone involves a lot of trust- hope she listens to her instincts and dumps him, but the fact that she's talked to him so much, shows she's not willing to leave.
My ex hated football. Her father would get drunk and violent whenever he watched it. So, when we were first dating and I put a game on for background noise she asked me to change it and to never watch it when she's around. I agreed because I cared about her. I don't say this to present myself as a good person. I'm mentioning because its TV and simply not watching something that triggers your partner should be the easiest and the barest of minimum things you can do for them.
I'm actually amazed at the amount positive support I'm has been showed. Sometimes a person really doesn't see the abuse until it's long into the relationship or it is so insidious, it's the whole "oh I support you ,but you know you could never manage it that job. Or but everyone knows you're terrible with money " when he's spent all the money on drink and drugs, or calm down you're to emotional don't cause a fuss. Or the worst using your own children to belittle you and to skew the way they are you. It doesn't have to be physical, emotional pain kills too. But to be fair men suffer the same type of abuse and have far fewer resources available to them. For those in Britain Alex Skeel ( I'm sorry if I've spelt it incorrectly) was literally days from death and still didn't understand he was in such a bad way. Please don't think I'm trying to minimise domestic violence on women, having survived DV myself, but please men are victims too, please help them become survivors too.
Forget the whole superbowl commercial. Even if for the sake of argument, she did prank him by casting the screen elsewhere, him calling her vulgarities would have been grounds for her leaving immediately
I finally asked for a divorce after a similar incident where my husband screamed at me because he believed I had turned the TV off. It had just gone to black for a few seconds. My mother also said the wrong thing "Oh, honey - that's just what men do sometimes". This woman needs to realize that this is a violent pattern, and it will happen again - even worse. Especially if he punches a hole in the wall.
You saw his gut reaction and his response. Leave him for your own personal safety. You're better off alone than with an abuser. Verbal abuse is just the first step to getting hurt physically. Don't risk your life and mental health.
Please, please, find somewhere to live. Do not tell him or your parents where. Get friends to get your stuff and meet them somewhere so they don't know either. When/if he starts anger management, insist he sign a release that you can be told his attendance and progress and agree he may only call you once a week. If he won't do that for you, he doesn't deserve you. Meanwhile, join a support group if you can't afford counseling. If, after 6 months, he has attended every session unless he was hospitalized, and he is reported as making appropriate progress, agree to meet only in public once a week for 3 months, and then include at friends' places. His issues are not easy, and he needs to concentrate on them without trying to maintain a relationship. I'm sorry your own parents don't have your back. Groups and/or counseling can advise you on dealing with them. Be careful about invites from them, they may invite him under their belief they're helping. Be safe, be well, be happy.
can you imagine what he would have done if it actually was her changing the channel?
This is very sad. Sad because very likely this guy was brought up or influenced to believe that behavior like his is normal and maybe even expected. I should know. It took me some time to realize that I was a terrorist in that respect. The cycle was always, 1) Fly off the handle. 2) Realize I behaved like an a*s. 3) Apologize profusely. 4) Feel sorry/wish to take it back. My entire society (not my father though) had conditioned me to believe that behavior like that was, if not my due, at least expected and excused. Funny enough, I overcame that impulse by skipping straight to the 'feeling sorry/wishing to take it back' step. It took someone that realized there was more to me than that monster and gave me a chance to change. I did, but I recognized the signs. That said, some people are just a******s.
She had the right initial response. It's just so worrying that her parents, the very people who should have her best interests at heart, are minimizing his behaviour and telling her it's no big deal.
It sounds like they don’t like her staying with them and don’t care too much if she eventually gets beaten to death. But maybe she didn’t tell them the situation the same way she presented it here.
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Let's just suppose that he has a genuine capability to be a truly nice guy. To realize this, someone has to make a sacrifice. And that person is you. You have to give him up. If he really cares about you, this may be the big red flag for him he needs to see. I doubt that he'll do whatever he needs to do in his life unless he's confronted with the permanent loss of something valuable in his life - you. Someone getting a reality check sometimes involves someone else checking out. This may be his last chance for someone to save him.
100% right move - yes people lose their temper but if you lose it towards someone you love, or even people in general you need some help. He needs some help.
Totally. He needs a lot of help. 👍 She isn't the one that should help him though, f€%k those parents for thinking she overreacted and should give him another chance.
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My dad will always yell and get noisy when he watches sports. He's never done anything physically violent, though. Usually, I wouldn't mind, but he also constantly tells my brother and me to shut up when we speak reasonably quietly while watching anime. It's really annoying :/
Well not all violence are physical. This kind of double standard (he can yell for his stuff, but you can't even speak for yours) can be anxiety inducing. I hope you and your borther are okay otherwise.
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I had two really bad volatile relationships before I got with my now husband. One was straight up a bad drunk and was very physically abusive (once) I left that day and never went back when he showed up at my house and kicked the door in I put a gun in his face and said if I see you again next time I pull the trigger...never saw him again. Second loser never physically abused me but damn he would break everything in his reach during a disagreement. After 2 sets of dishes in a month l left him too...please don't put up with any form of abuse in your relationships this applies to women and men!
I see a lot of comments saying "if he did that over a commercial what would he do in a worse situation" but the truth is, it won't be a worse situation. It will be out of blue, over something normal and inconsequential. Probably over something that has happened a million times without any issues at all, but this one time he'll get angry over it. It sounds like this is already happening actually from the anger outbursts comments. And someone needs to tell OP that he may not lay a hand on you, but his anger - shouting at you - is emotional abuse. It's 100% still abusive behaviour. His anger is going to condition you to change your behaviour in tiny ways (at first) to ensure that you won't cause him to anger out of the blue. When he sees that, he will use his anger to control you. This is also abusive behaviour on his part. I hope OP reads all the comments and listens, and does not return to him.
I feel like there's way too much focus on him hitting the wall and not enough on the verbal abuse. I mean sure there's the idea of, "What if he had hit her?" but the fact is he didn't. Yet he DID verbally abuse her, and it's like people are more concerned with what could have happened than what actually did happen.
oh, get out now! yes, the game gets emotions up. yes, booze can contribute to lack of control. but, to me, this is a giant red flag. what happens if he has a bad day at work, has a couple of beers after work and then she does something that ticks him off? not worth the chance. and, btw, i was in an abusive relationship and, instead of leaving when the flags were being raised, i stayed and ended up marrying and having a child. eventually, it got so bad with the controlling i literally had to do a 'mission impossible' escape w/the help of a very kind and brave friend to a battered women's shelter. had tried to leave in a 'civilized' manner and it turned very ugly so the covert plan was the only way out.
I guaran-damn-tee that the XBF was never, in any way, abused, and has zero trauma. He's an abuser, and abusers lie about pretty much everything, if it helps them get away with their abuses. Call them out, and you get the "poor pitiful me, I don't know better because that's how I was raised" excuse. Or screamed at. Or you get hit, and then blamed for it, because "you know that's off limits". And if you take him to a therapist, he'll twist everything around to make himself the victim, and claim he "had no choice" because you "forced" him to use violence.
I used to get worked up over sports. But I would never ever insult my GF. I'm not talking punching walls bit the occasional table bump "agghhhhhh" or jump off the sofa. When we one our first European cup I jump so high I punched the ceiling. That hurt!!! Then we all went out to celebrate
Big cringe. Why are males allowed to act like clowns about violent things like sports but women can't enjoy harmless things like makeup, fanfiction, or fashion?
Load More Replies... Ideally sports are for enjoyment, entertainment, sense of community. Unfortunately there are other outcomes all too often.
Simple: this was once. If she likes to stay with him there is a second time that's it. The condition is he is changing not for her because that never works but because that event made him realise he has issues and he needs change. If he does that for himself, does go to therapy or whatever helps, changes his life I think it can be worth it to stay together. However: do not life at the same place yet. Get your own place again, this needs time. Change is not easy and it'll be everything but easy even if they can work it out. He will get angry again, he will shout again. But if he ever is physical violent to her just once that's it. If he loses control when he's drinking and he ever drinks again before he sorted his issues out it's over. If she can stick to that I think it can work without her getting too deep into danger.
Abusive behavior is never, ever, ever "just once". Are you a male??? A woman would never and should never think like this
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Side track a bit....i want to know what kind of house that a punch will make a hole to the wall? Like what kind of fragile house is that?
If you MUST, you can give him a second chance (but I wouldn't). But don't you dare give him a third... Standing up for yourself over this was definitely the right move, and -if- it was a genuine mistake caused by his upbringing, this incident should let him know that that behavior is unacceptable. Which means if he does it again, he's doing it on purpose, and you should run as fast and far as you can.
When I first started a relationship with my husband, I tended to smack him (not hard!) jokingly when things didn't go my way, but the -second- he told me it bothered him, I stopped. And I haven't done it again in the nearly 10 years since. I do think the guy in the post almost certainly knew he was crossing a line, and I don't think he deserves a second chance. My point is, if she does give him one, it needs to -stop- there. No third chances.
Load More Replies... Brought up in an emotionally abusive family. Married a violent man, finally left after 7 years. Married an abusive man. And people wonder why I don't do relationships? If I left when I first got that ichy feeling in my first marriage then I may have found a good man... or maybe not. But that unsafe feeling should never be ignored
Get out girl and stay out. end of. There is a poem called he brought me flowers today. I think it is on you tube. It shows how abuse can escalate.
My heart sinks hearing stories of women in abusive situations. My heart turns cold when I hear of men in abusive situations. To top it off, children in abusive situations turn me into something of another kind. My hope for everyone is that somewhere along the line you feel bold enough to trust your intuition and do the thing next to prove to yourself that you're not going to let you down. A step beyond physical abuse, emotional and psychological abuse are more insidious still. And it's firm loyalty to ones own well being that is sometimes able to see those wounds when no one else can. Or even worse, denys they're happening and often blame shifts for "oversensitivity" or "lack of sense of humor" etc...I wish mostly we stopped pin pointing a dualistic role for each issue like this facing us. Men vs. women, race vs. race, country vs. country...Until we do, nothing will be actually solved in meaningful or lasting measures.
I have had anger issues for as long as I can remember. Nothing violent, just a very short fuse and a big mouth. Over the years, and especially in my current job, I've had to supress my temper so I could "fit in" and be seen as a "professional". The anger is still here. I have hidden it, not overcome it, so I can only imagine it won't be long before I go full Krakatoa. If this dude became so overwhelmed by his anger that he punched a wall, that woman needs to get away as fast as she can. He cannot stop himself from becoming violent, and that lack of control could cost her more than she'd ever know.
"how do i find a way to change the subject to defend this man with anger issues?"
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HE PUT HIS FIST THROUGH THE WALL and people acted like it was no big deal?! Good effing eff. It's times like these I'm glad I'm aro ace, because if nothing else a life alone means no chance of getting into a relationship with a guy like that (or girl, for that matter).
y'know, not every f**king guy is like that, i'm extremely offended
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I never paid close attention to that case, but with the stuff I have heard, I think they were both abused and abusers. I've heard about Amber lying about certain things, and I've heard about Johnny's drug and alcohol abuse. I stayed far enough away from the whole case that I don't even know who won. I have a few people who agree with me, but I don't really talk about my opinions lol. I've seen clips about Amber's claims that have been proven false, mainly because they were severely pushed by the media
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Women are just as likely to be abusers or even kill their partners. The homicide rate is around 50/50 with the only difference being that different methods are used (e.g. women are much more likely to use poison). And, please, don't tell me they were just protecting themselves...
I’m going to bet you have no peer reviewed sources anywhere whatsoever? Perhaps the same stats are in evidence with male vs, female serial killers? Serial rapists? Those that commit incest? How about child pornography? You’re funny and quite pathetic.
Load More Replies... Ah c'mon... he just scared her once and was drunk. He even said he was sorry!! Besides her knowing he has a temper he's a REALLY good guy. He will not do anything like that again... Me: 🤦♀️ He has an anger issue and being that out of control by a commercial, how will he be with screaming babies and so on? 🚩🚩🚩
I was about to be like “Excuse me wtf” then realized it’s sarcasm lol
Load More Replies... Hello.......how do I put this.....Oh I know, RED FLAG ALERT!!! If he is such an A$$hat over something so trivial, you don't want him in your life.
The ability to readily call her awful names is a HUGE warning about how he views women let alone the fact that, he can't take a joke (heck, she might have done something like this as a lark, many would,even though in this case a corporation chose to do it ironically as a lark) and is so ready to act out he punches through a wall. He is outright misogynistic and will abuse any woman because he does not really have basic human respect at his core.
Load More Replies... The part about how males wait until children are involved in a relationship to become abusive is so true and honestly not talked about enough. I've seen so many women stay with abusive males who babytrapped them just for the kids' sake. It's so sad.
I have a friend who is currently going through this and it just kills me. He's doing everything he can to ruin her life and take the kids even though he's a serial cheater and financially and mentally abusive.
Load More Replies... She didn't break up with him over a commercial. She broke up with him over his insane reaction to a 15 second video prank. What would happen if someone dropped a water balloon on his head? Punch them in the face?
Or if he's really tired from work and they have a screaming baby in the future... I love my children, but sometimes I clenched my jaw, not to mutter some swearwords. What an angry abusive man would do in that situation... I don't even want to think about it.
Load More Replies... I'm sorry, but I am raising three boys, and the first time they do this to a partner, male or female, I feel like that partner has the right to walk away. "Boys will be boys" is supposed to mean they do silly, stupid things, not hurt others. Not sure why some people are ok with abuse.
Yeah, those are some horrible parent telling her to go back to him!!
Load More Replies... There's a huge difference between getting angry and getting so abusive that the other partner feels in danger. Just once is plenty to break up with them. And screw mom and dad for saying she's overreacting!
Yeah, that's some toxic advice from the parents. 👎 They need to do better.
Load More Replies... "Other than his tendency to bite faces off, this leopard is a wonderful fur-ever friend!"
"He was a devoted, loving husband and father until the day his team lost the Super Bowl and he killed his wife and kids in a sudden, totally unexpected outburst of substance induced anger..."
Load More Replies... And the intergenerational cycle of abuse continues. Of course he wouldn't have the skills to deal with his anger; his role model was an abuser. I really hope she has left and is safe. I lived in hiding for years after I left an abuser. I think that saved my life.
Good for you. 👍 I hope everyone in an abusiv relationship are as brave and lucky as you having the chance to leave. Hope you are safe and happy now.
Load More Replies... She really wrote "outside of the anger bursts"... No. Just, NO! I have never laid my hands on a woman. Ever. Period. Even when one tried to hit me for keeping her from drunkenly walking into traffic. Even when one slapped me because she "was frustrated" (never spoke to her again). Bursts of anger are when people are beaten or worse. He needs to get himself sorted mentally before she should even consider going back. If I were her, I wouldn't ever go back.
Good for you for leaving that horrible woman that slapped you. 👍 NO ONE should accept that treatment and it's sad that we as a society downplay violence toward men in relationships.
Load More Replies... Anger management can be difficult if you've never been taught the skills. The best thing you can do for this guy, is to leave, and draw a hard line. If this is his rock bottom, maybe it will push him to get the help he needs. If you go back, you are putting yourself in a dangerous situation, and you are also reinforcing a pattern of 'get angry, lash out, apologise, escape consequences'.
Mmm... so "difficult" that women do it every second of every day without pause. Men need to keep up!
Load More Replies... OP absolutely did the right thing by leaving. Frankly, the first red flag was screaming at OP during the commercial, even before punching a wall. That ex-boyfriend earned his prefix, with "honors," so to speak. That said, how irresponsible/short-sighted was Tubi for making that commercial? The Super Bowl often is the catalyst for a perfect storm of toxic masculinity, alcohol abuse, and rabid fanaticism. And to joke about ripping it away? I sincerely doubt this was an isolated incident, and I'm shocked there hasn't been a more serious DV incident reported. Not that the prevalence of DV incidents gets the attention it deserves, sadly...
If someone is that triggered by a 15 sec commercial maybe they should watch Peppa Pig or something instead. But you are totally right that toxic masculinity is a thing. A very bad thing. Idiots. They should take a long time reflecting on them self.... That isn't masculinity, healthy masculinity is very different. It has wonderful qualities, support, safety, stability, comfort and so on. I hope every man strive for that.
Load More Replies... Leave & don’t look back. There’s no excuse for this sort of behavior.
"Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. It gets suggested a lot for these things alongside "The Gift of Fear." I also inherently do not trust people who get this angry over a game - any game, including video games.
It's never on to just accept violent behavior. Regardless of drinking or not. And a wall can just as easily be swapped with a jaw or rib cage or shoulder if that is in range. Violence begets violence. Anger management is an option. But the best is removing yourself from the path of the speeding car. Yes you can still date him. Casually. But also stand up for yourself. And listen I know men and women can commit violence to another human. In general it's best to get away. Many years of my life would have been mine and not the property of fear and anxiety. It was hard the last two times to get out but I did. And I didn't look back personally. It was hard. I started over from scratch. I moved in with my mom. But family will have your back if they love you. If they can't help then there are shelters and hotels and motels you can stay at until you get safe. No. It's not easy. You're not to blame. You don't need to apologize or excuse that persons behavior. You need to be safe.
My ex flipped out when I referred to their rugby team as the pink cows, instead of the blue bulls, when the team debuted pink kit - it was a red flag added to the many so far
Oh no. Something manly is called pink!! The horror. 🤦♀️ He sounds like a real jerk. I'm almost afraid to use the words toxic masculinity public on the web. That always triggers the wrong people. But your ex sounds like a prime example. There is a difference in toxic and healthy masculinity. The later is great and among other wonderful traits are not threatened by something being pink. Good for you that you left. Hope you are happy now.
Load More Replies... My aunt was in an abusive relationship once. Which is crazy to me because she comes from a long line of strong women. Anyway, I don't know if he ever hit her, but I know that he pushed her. He didn't like her to spend time with the family or her friends. She was with essentially 24/7. One day, she passed out at work and that's when my sister and I learned that she had been on a liquid diet. I will always believe that he made her do that diet. After she passed out, my mom and sister took her to her doctors in Dallas and that's when we learned that she was pregnant. He broke up with her and stole forty dollars from her because she had asked my dad to talk to the boyfriend about not stressing her out anymore. Unfortunately, she lost the baby, but she doesn't have to deal with that prick anymore.
my aunt was also in an abusive relationship. I think this happened either before I was alive, or when I was super young. Her fiance pushed her down the stairs. She was gone immediately, and never went back. Luckily she couldn't be baby trapped, because she doesn't have a uterus anymore. She's now happily married to a man everyone loves, and he makes the best bagels I've ever eaten!
Load More Replies... I feel so validated. My mom's a yeller, when I lived at home we did not have a good relationship. She'd fly off the handle, tell me she hated me, and this always came with terrifying amounts of manic yelling. Her and I are fine now, we've both grown and developed and our relationship is awesome. BUT, anyone yelling makes me very very nervous and upset. I've dated two men who have gotten wildly upset at TV shows/commercials. As soon as I saw that I started to shut down and the relationships ended shortly after. It's just completely unnecessary and sickening to me. Thank goodness there wasn't a freak power outage or something - we might've found this woman's dead body the next day.
I had much the same type of mother. We got along great for decades after I grew up, but two years ago I realized how totally f****d up my personality is due to my upbringing. It’s ruined my whole life. I wish I had not been born.
Load More Replies... I punched a wall once. I was alone, overworked, overwhelmed, suffering from what I would later learn to be one of my first big fights with depression. I was painting the nursery (pregnant wife was at work) and I did something wrong, can't even remember what, and I punched the wall. I hurt my hand and the wall. So I was overworked, overwhelmed, had a hurt hand, felt stupid, and had a wall to fix. Never did it again. If he has those kinds of issues she needs to protect herself and he needs to deal with his c**p or live alone and keep spare dry wall, tape, and mud in the garage.
Sometime you loose your temper and that's okay. I hit a door post with an umbrella when I was 17 and my parents divorced. My mum moved to another city 30 minutes away (here we get our drivers license at 18) and my father worked 3 hours away and came back every weekend when they were married but every other weekend or less after the divorced. Alone in our former family home I developed depression but only hurt myself and then once the door post. But I have never ever hurt someone else (even umbrellas) in all my years after that. I think fits of anger is okay as long as they are not directed or effect other people.
Load More Replies... Most abusers and manipulative people can act nice when they want something. As soon as they get the person back, they're back to their old ways. Living with someone involves a lot of trust- hope she listens to her instincts and dumps him, but the fact that she's talked to him so much, shows she's not willing to leave.
My ex hated football. Her father would get drunk and violent whenever he watched it. So, when we were first dating and I put a game on for background noise she asked me to change it and to never watch it when she's around. I agreed because I cared about her. I don't say this to present myself as a good person. I'm mentioning because its TV and simply not watching something that triggers your partner should be the easiest and the barest of minimum things you can do for them.
I'm actually amazed at the amount positive support I'm has been showed. Sometimes a person really doesn't see the abuse until it's long into the relationship or it is so insidious, it's the whole "oh I support you ,but you know you could never manage it that job. Or but everyone knows you're terrible with money " when he's spent all the money on drink and drugs, or calm down you're to emotional don't cause a fuss. Or the worst using your own children to belittle you and to skew the way they are you. It doesn't have to be physical, emotional pain kills too. But to be fair men suffer the same type of abuse and have far fewer resources available to them. For those in Britain Alex Skeel ( I'm sorry if I've spelt it incorrectly) was literally days from death and still didn't understand he was in such a bad way. Please don't think I'm trying to minimise domestic violence on women, having survived DV myself, but please men are victims too, please help them become survivors too.
Forget the whole superbowl commercial. Even if for the sake of argument, she did prank him by casting the screen elsewhere, him calling her vulgarities would have been grounds for her leaving immediately
I finally asked for a divorce after a similar incident where my husband screamed at me because he believed I had turned the TV off. It had just gone to black for a few seconds. My mother also said the wrong thing "Oh, honey - that's just what men do sometimes". This woman needs to realize that this is a violent pattern, and it will happen again - even worse. Especially if he punches a hole in the wall.
You saw his gut reaction and his response. Leave him for your own personal safety. You're better off alone than with an abuser. Verbal abuse is just the first step to getting hurt physically. Don't risk your life and mental health.
Please, please, find somewhere to live. Do not tell him or your parents where. Get friends to get your stuff and meet them somewhere so they don't know either. When/if he starts anger management, insist he sign a release that you can be told his attendance and progress and agree he may only call you once a week. If he won't do that for you, he doesn't deserve you. Meanwhile, join a support group if you can't afford counseling. If, after 6 months, he has attended every session unless he was hospitalized, and he is reported as making appropriate progress, agree to meet only in public once a week for 3 months, and then include at friends' places. His issues are not easy, and he needs to concentrate on them without trying to maintain a relationship. I'm sorry your own parents don't have your back. Groups and/or counseling can advise you on dealing with them. Be careful about invites from them, they may invite him under their belief they're helping. Be safe, be well, be happy.
can you imagine what he would have done if it actually was her changing the channel?
This is very sad. Sad because very likely this guy was brought up or influenced to believe that behavior like his is normal and maybe even expected. I should know. It took me some time to realize that I was a terrorist in that respect. The cycle was always, 1) Fly off the handle. 2) Realize I behaved like an a*s. 3) Apologize profusely. 4) Feel sorry/wish to take it back. My entire society (not my father though) had conditioned me to believe that behavior like that was, if not my due, at least expected and excused. Funny enough, I overcame that impulse by skipping straight to the 'feeling sorry/wishing to take it back' step. It took someone that realized there was more to me than that monster and gave me a chance to change. I did, but I recognized the signs. That said, some people are just a******s.
She had the right initial response. It's just so worrying that her parents, the very people who should have her best interests at heart, are minimizing his behaviour and telling her it's no big deal.
It sounds like they don’t like her staying with them and don’t care too much if she eventually gets beaten to death. But maybe she didn’t tell them the situation the same way she presented it here.
Load More Replies... Let's just suppose that he has a genuine capability to be a truly nice guy. To realize this, someone has to make a sacrifice. And that person is you. You have to give him up. If he really cares about you, this may be the big red flag for him he needs to see. I doubt that he'll do whatever he needs to do in his life unless he's confronted with the permanent loss of something valuable in his life - you. Someone getting a reality check sometimes involves someone else checking out. This may be his last chance for someone to save him.
100% right move - yes people lose their temper but if you lose it towards someone you love, or even people in general you need some help. He needs some help.
Totally. He needs a lot of help. 👍 She isn't the one that should help him though, f€%k those parents for thinking she overreacted and should give him another chance.
Load More Replies... My dad will always yell and get noisy when he watches sports. He's never done anything physically violent, though. Usually, I wouldn't mind, but he also constantly tells my brother and me to shut up when we speak reasonably quietly while watching anime. It's really annoying :/
Well not all violence are physical. This kind of double standard (he can yell for his stuff, but you can't even speak for yours) can be anxiety inducing. I hope you and your borther are okay otherwise.
Load More Replies... I had two really bad volatile relationships before I got with my now husband. One was straight up a bad drunk and was very physically abusive (once) I left that day and never went back when he showed up at my house and kicked the door in I put a gun in his face and said if I see you again next time I pull the trigger...never saw him again. Second loser never physically abused me but damn he would break everything in his reach during a disagreement. After 2 sets of dishes in a month l left him too...please don't put up with any form of abuse in your relationships this applies to women and men!
I see a lot of comments saying "if he did that over a commercial what would he do in a worse situation" but the truth is, it won't be a worse situation. It will be out of blue, over something normal and inconsequential. Probably over something that has happened a million times without any issues at all, but this one time he'll get angry over it. It sounds like this is already happening actually from the anger outbursts comments. And someone needs to tell OP that he may not lay a hand on you, but his anger - shouting at you - is emotional abuse. It's 100% still abusive behaviour. His anger is going to condition you to change your behaviour in tiny ways (at first) to ensure that you won't cause him to anger out of the blue. When he sees that, he will use his anger to control you. This is also abusive behaviour on his part. I hope OP reads all the comments and listens, and does not return to him.
I feel like there's way too much focus on him hitting the wall and not enough on the verbal abuse. I mean sure there's the idea of, "What if he had hit her?" but the fact is he didn't. Yet he DID verbally abuse her, and it's like people are more concerned with what could have happened than what actually did happen.
oh, get out now! yes, the game gets emotions up. yes, booze can contribute to lack of control. but, to me, this is a giant red flag. what happens if he has a bad day at work, has a couple of beers after work and then she does something that ticks him off? not worth the chance. and, btw, i was in an abusive relationship and, instead of leaving when the flags were being raised, i stayed and ended up marrying and having a child. eventually, it got so bad with the controlling i literally had to do a 'mission impossible' escape w/the help of a very kind and brave friend to a battered women's shelter. had tried to leave in a 'civilized' manner and it turned very ugly so the covert plan was the only way out.
I guaran-damn-tee that the XBF was never, in any way, abused, and has zero trauma. He's an abuser, and abusers lie about pretty much everything, if it helps them get away with their abuses. Call them out, and you get the "poor pitiful me, I don't know better because that's how I was raised" excuse. Or screamed at. Or you get hit, and then blamed for it, because "you know that's off limits". And if you take him to a therapist, he'll twist everything around to make himself the victim, and claim he "had no choice" because you "forced" him to use violence.
I used to get worked up over sports. But I would never ever insult my GF. I'm not talking punching walls bit the occasional table bump "agghhhhhh" or jump off the sofa. When we one our first European cup I jump so high I punched the ceiling. That hurt!!! Then we all went out to celebrate
Big cringe. Why are males allowed to act like clowns about violent things like sports but women can't enjoy harmless things like makeup, fanfiction, or fashion?
Load More Replies... Ideally sports are for enjoyment, entertainment, sense of community. Unfortunately there are other outcomes all too often.
Simple: this was once. If she likes to stay with him there is a second time that's it. The condition is he is changing not for her because that never works but because that event made him realise he has issues and he needs change. If he does that for himself, does go to therapy or whatever helps, changes his life I think it can be worth it to stay together. However: do not life at the same place yet. Get your own place again, this needs time. Change is not easy and it'll be everything but easy even if they can work it out. He will get angry again, he will shout again. But if he ever is physical violent to her just once that's it. If he loses control when he's drinking and he ever drinks again before he sorted his issues out it's over. If she can stick to that I think it can work without her getting too deep into danger.
Abusive behavior is never, ever, ever "just once". Are you a male??? A woman would never and should never think like this
Load More Replies... Side track a bit....i want to know what kind of house that a punch will make a hole to the wall? Like what kind of fragile house is that?
If you MUST, you can give him a second chance (but I wouldn't). But don't you dare give him a third... Standing up for yourself over this was definitely the right move, and -if- it was a genuine mistake caused by his upbringing, this incident should let him know that that behavior is unacceptable. Which means if he does it again, he's doing it on purpose, and you should run as fast and far as you can.
When I first started a relationship with my husband, I tended to smack him (not hard!) jokingly when things didn't go my way, but the -second- he told me it bothered him, I stopped. And I haven't done it again in the nearly 10 years since. I do think the guy in the post almost certainly knew he was crossing a line, and I don't think he deserves a second chance. My point is, if she does give him one, it needs to -stop- there. No third chances.
Load More Replies... Brought up in an emotionally abusive family. Married a violent man, finally left after 7 years. Married an abusive man. And people wonder why I don't do relationships? If I left when I first got that ichy feeling in my first marriage then I may have found a good man... or maybe not. But that unsafe feeling should never be ignored
Get out girl and stay out. end of. There is a poem called he brought me flowers today. I think it is on you tube. It shows how abuse can escalate.
My heart sinks hearing stories of women in abusive situations. My heart turns cold when I hear of men in abusive situations. To top it off, children in abusive situations turn me into something of another kind. My hope for everyone is that somewhere along the line you feel bold enough to trust your intuition and do the thing next to prove to yourself that you're not going to let you down. A step beyond physical abuse, emotional and psychological abuse are more insidious still. And it's firm loyalty to ones own well being that is sometimes able to see those wounds when no one else can. Or even worse, denys they're happening and often blame shifts for "oversensitivity" or "lack of sense of humor" etc...I wish mostly we stopped pin pointing a dualistic role for each issue like this facing us. Men vs. women, race vs. race, country vs. country...Until we do, nothing will be actually solved in meaningful or lasting measures.
I have had anger issues for as long as I can remember. Nothing violent, just a very short fuse and a big mouth. Over the years, and especially in my current job, I've had to supress my temper so I could "fit in" and be seen as a "professional". The anger is still here. I have hidden it, not overcome it, so I can only imagine it won't be long before I go full Krakatoa. If this dude became so overwhelmed by his anger that he punched a wall, that woman needs to get away as fast as she can. He cannot stop himself from becoming violent, and that lack of control could cost her more than she'd ever know.
"how do i find a way to change the subject to defend this man with anger issues?"
Load More Replies... HE PUT HIS FIST THROUGH THE WALL and people acted like it was no big deal?! Good effing eff. It's times like these I'm glad I'm aro ace, because if nothing else a life alone means no chance of getting into a relationship with a guy like that (or girl, for that matter).
y'know, not every f**king guy is like that, i'm extremely offended
Load More Replies... I never paid close attention to that case, but with the stuff I have heard, I think they were both abused and abusers. I've heard about Amber lying about certain things, and I've heard about Johnny's drug and alcohol abuse. I stayed far enough away from the whole case that I don't even know who won. I have a few people who agree with me, but I don't really talk about my opinions lol. I've seen clips about Amber's claims that have been proven false, mainly because they were severely pushed by the media
Load More Replies... Women are just as likely to be abusers or even kill their partners. The homicide rate is around 50/50 with the only difference being that different methods are used (e.g. women are much more likely to use poison). And, please, don't tell me they were just protecting themselves...
I’m going to bet you have no peer reviewed sources anywhere whatsoever? Perhaps the same stats are in evidence with male vs, female serial killers? Serial rapists? Those that commit incest? How about child pornography? You’re funny and quite pathetic.
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