Woman Discovers She’s Being Tracked On Her Phone By Her ‘Friend’, Cuts All Ties And Asks The Internet For Help
No matter how well you know a person, you can never be sure about what’s going on in their head. The ulterior motives they might have.
Last week, Reddit user Careful_Pickle555 submitted a story to the ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘ community, telling its 4.2 million members about the time her friend started secretly monitoring her phone activity.
When the woman finally found out what was happening, the guy tried to laugh it off, saying it was but an innocent prank.
However, their complete lack of remorse made Careful Pickle even more cautious. Why was he spying on her? What did he see? Would he do something like this again?
Eventually, the woman cut all ties with her now-ex-friend. But as much as she feels this was the best choice she could’ve made regarding the situation, others think she’s overreacting. So, Careful Pickle asked the internet to help her make sense of the whole ordeal.
This woman’s friend started sending her weird and creepy texts, appearing to know more details about her life than he should
Image credits: Anh Nguyen (not the actual photo)
Turns out, he was spying on her phone
Image credits: shutter_speed (not the actual photo)
While Careful Pickle still hasn’t figured out how the guy kept an eye on her, stalkerware is easy to find. And use.
It’s a toxic class of software specifically designed for tracking a phone while covertly running in the background.
Stalkerware’s purpose is to record everything about the device, whether that’s emails and texts, web browsing, location, calls, you name it.
Stalkerware is widely available on Google’s Play Store and to a lesser degree on Apple’s App Store, often with innocuous names like MobileTool, Agent, and Battery Saver. In fact, these apps have become such a common tool for digital domestic abuse that Apple and Google have started acknowledging that they’re are an issue.
From September 2020 to May 2021, the number of devices infected with stalkerware jumped 63 percent, according to a study by internet security firm Norton Labs.
“[Stalkerware] is extremely invasive, it’s a very big deal and it’s linked to some of the worst abuse I’ve seen in intimate partner abuse,” Eva Galperin, a cybersecurity director at the Electronic Frontier Foundation, the digital rights organization, told The New York Times.
What makes it so problematic is the fact that it operates in a gray area. There are legitimate uses for surveillance apps, like parental control software that monitors children online to protect them from predators. But this technology becomes stalkerware when it’s stealthily installed on someone else’s phone to spy on them without consent.
The scary part is that the woman doesn’t exactly know how he did it; she can only guess
No wonder his stunt ruined the friendship the guy had with Careful Pickle. As Christian L. Hart, Ph.D., who is a Professor of Psychology and Director of the Psychological Science program at Texas Woman’s University, points out, trust is particularly fragile.
“It is a precious commodity that can take years to cultivate but can be squandered in an instant,” Hart explains. “When someone violates our trust, usually through dishonesty, neglect, or disloyalty, we … feel upset, hurt, angry, sad, and foolish. We come to distrust that person because they violated our faith and confidence in them.”
The professor says that when people violate our trust, we usually withdraw from them if we can. “We don’t risk placing ourselves in a vulnerable position with them again. We also become vigilant, looking for any evidence that they might undermine us or let us down again.”
So I think there’s nothing wrong with Careful Pickle’s reaction. Moreover, judging by his actions, the guy isn’t willing or capable of salvaging whatever’s left of their friendship.
“[If we want to regain trust,] not only do we need to admit where we have fallen short, but we also must also understand and accept where the other person believes we have failed them,” Hart highlights. “Apologies, remorse, and contrition are necessities when rebuilding trust, but they may not be enough. We may also need to accept punishments and penance for our failings.”
Since the guy hasn’t shown any remorse, she thinks forgiveness is out of the question
People are certain the original poster (OP) did the right thing by removing the guy from her life
Get that privacy invading creep out of your life (AND the "friends" who sided with him). NOW. NTA 3000.
NTA 4711 bc Id just break up, save phone data like photos etc and write contacts via hand on paper and factory reset the phone.
Let's be clear: his actions led him to lose her friendship, not the other day around. He threw away the friendship the moment he messed with her phone. Anyone who says otherwise is wrong to say the least.
Call the behaviour what it is- this person gets a thump out o' frightening you. People do things bcuz they see merit in them & no amount o' gaslighting &/or apologizing really changes this fact. Her "friend" is a sick, cruel little twitch & OP knows this deep down. Please listen to your law student friend OP & get your control back. Good riddance for Christ's sake!
Nah, that's shady and shifty. Block 'em, reset your phone, and get outta Dodge.
I would be getting the police involved. This is seriously creepy, and there needs to be documented evidence that he did this. Clearly this person is unhinged and there is not way of knowing whether he will escalate this behavior.
No absolutely NTA. Back in 2018 I had two stalkers after me. One of them was tracking me through my phone. I had to get my number changed. I asked the woman at AT&T to give me a new number as far away as possible. I got a number across state lines. The thing that freaked me out more than anything was when a pizza mysteriously showed up at my house from a pizza place I frequent. Under my name. When they caught the guy, he had 47 cell phones in his car. He was trying to buy a gun. Thank god for California gun laws.
It happened to me. We were friends for like 5 years, he had a crush on me but I didn't, so I told him that and we stayed friends. He used my computer one day and saw my password saved in google autocomplete, he logged into his computer and started seeing my location on maps, my emails and my photos and screenshots from google photos in the cloud, and started confronting me about the guys I was hanging out with and warning me about what I shared with them and etc, it was creepy af until I found out. I never turned on cloud save of anything again and turned off all app location shares and just keep my files on an external HD
The OP, as is typical, answers their own question as you read through the post. At the end there are tons of reasons given why this upset her, why she didn't like it, why it was creepy. Yes. You're correct. So don't doubt yourself. You don't owe people second chances. You aren't a b***h if you stand up for yourself. It's not acceptable to mess with someone's phone settings so you can see where they are. If it's a mutual decision then fine. He's not that long of a friend and you don't know a ton about him yet. Women don't have to be "nice" and try to adjust to things they don't feel comfortable with. Men, either. No one, either. This "friend" doesn't need to know where you are or when you were awake. Try and think about what's next. Take it further. What goes on if you're awake at 4 a.m. and with another guy? Or out with someone? Or don't want to do anything but go out to do something on your own? No one owns you.
The fact that he basically outed himself by cracking little "jokes" about how late she was staying up, etc., doesn't let him off the hook. It just means that instead of only getting a thrill out of tracking her, he was also getting a thrill out of letting her know she was being tracked. And then super-apologizing and laughing about it so he can also get a thrill out of her confusion and self-doubt.
Thats just creepy af. Why does snap chat even have that feature?
NTA. NEVER share your location with ANYONE except family, FKing EVER. That is just inviting criminal activity. Oh, look! They are in Aruba on vacation so it's safe to break into their house and steal everything. Oh, look! I'm a sexual predator or worse and I can follow them to some safe (for me) location to assault (or worse) them. Oh, and never, I mean NEVER give anyone access to your devices. Ignore my advice and you will earn my personally devised quote! "Stupid gets what stupid deserves"...
Side note: Admissions people will deny education to victims of stalking because they "don't want to deal with it on campus". Nice victim blaming. There are some extra AH in this story, I see!
someone please correct me if i am wrong about this but she said her location was off i dont really use snap chat a lot but surely if your location is off it doesn't matter what settings have been changed in snap chat they people wont be able to see your location surely settings on an app dont override settings of the actual phone itself if your phone settings location is off and not shared then settings on snap chat doesn't matter feel free to correct me if I'm wrong about this
I'm more mortified that someone who suffers from a stalker harassing them could have issues applying to a program? Talk about blaming the victim.
Yea, she needs to run to the PD and do everything to never be alone with him. Because I'm gutsy, I'd send him 1 last communication telling him why what he did was a complete breach of trust, that she could/would never trust him again, and him to not contact him again. I'd keep evidence of the content of the communication so he cant' accuse her of harassment. What a creep!
You know that tingly bad feeling you get at the back of your neck when something creeps you out? Reading this did that to me. NTA Cut all ties and go with your instincts. Cut off anyone else that tells you it's not a big deal. Your privacy? Big deal!
This is A very serious crime. I had to contact FBI cyber crime unit CS3 for a similar yet much more involved issue. My parents wifi was hacked numerous times over an 8 month period. We were being watched & listened to through our smart tvs. As well as phones. They began talking to us through the search option on our ROKUs & Amazon fire TV. My daughter who is 10 began getting messages & comments through google search as well as playstore. Highly vulger & inappropriate comments, suggestions and threats. Commandeering her phone forcing x rated you tube videos & porn apps on her phone. We removed the smart TVs & learned many security tips to block the creeps out. Anyone within 100-300 ft of your home can do this with little effort or knowledge of how to do so. It's scary the amount of control they can have. Keep all evidence, screenshots, video. That has been our saving grace finding out the culprits. Technology is great, but not in evil hands.
Get that privacy invading creep out of your life (AND the "friends" who sided with him). NOW. NTA 3000.
NTA 4711 bc Id just break up, save phone data like photos etc and write contacts via hand on paper and factory reset the phone.
Let's be clear: his actions led him to lose her friendship, not the other day around. He threw away the friendship the moment he messed with her phone. Anyone who says otherwise is wrong to say the least.
Call the behaviour what it is- this person gets a thump out o' frightening you. People do things bcuz they see merit in them & no amount o' gaslighting &/or apologizing really changes this fact. Her "friend" is a sick, cruel little twitch & OP knows this deep down. Please listen to your law student friend OP & get your control back. Good riddance for Christ's sake!
Nah, that's shady and shifty. Block 'em, reset your phone, and get outta Dodge.
I would be getting the police involved. This is seriously creepy, and there needs to be documented evidence that he did this. Clearly this person is unhinged and there is not way of knowing whether he will escalate this behavior.
No absolutely NTA. Back in 2018 I had two stalkers after me. One of them was tracking me through my phone. I had to get my number changed. I asked the woman at AT&T to give me a new number as far away as possible. I got a number across state lines. The thing that freaked me out more than anything was when a pizza mysteriously showed up at my house from a pizza place I frequent. Under my name. When they caught the guy, he had 47 cell phones in his car. He was trying to buy a gun. Thank god for California gun laws.
It happened to me. We were friends for like 5 years, he had a crush on me but I didn't, so I told him that and we stayed friends. He used my computer one day and saw my password saved in google autocomplete, he logged into his computer and started seeing my location on maps, my emails and my photos and screenshots from google photos in the cloud, and started confronting me about the guys I was hanging out with and warning me about what I shared with them and etc, it was creepy af until I found out. I never turned on cloud save of anything again and turned off all app location shares and just keep my files on an external HD
The OP, as is typical, answers their own question as you read through the post. At the end there are tons of reasons given why this upset her, why she didn't like it, why it was creepy. Yes. You're correct. So don't doubt yourself. You don't owe people second chances. You aren't a b***h if you stand up for yourself. It's not acceptable to mess with someone's phone settings so you can see where they are. If it's a mutual decision then fine. He's not that long of a friend and you don't know a ton about him yet. Women don't have to be "nice" and try to adjust to things they don't feel comfortable with. Men, either. No one, either. This "friend" doesn't need to know where you are or when you were awake. Try and think about what's next. Take it further. What goes on if you're awake at 4 a.m. and with another guy? Or out with someone? Or don't want to do anything but go out to do something on your own? No one owns you.
The fact that he basically outed himself by cracking little "jokes" about how late she was staying up, etc., doesn't let him off the hook. It just means that instead of only getting a thrill out of tracking her, he was also getting a thrill out of letting her know she was being tracked. And then super-apologizing and laughing about it so he can also get a thrill out of her confusion and self-doubt.
Thats just creepy af. Why does snap chat even have that feature?
NTA. NEVER share your location with ANYONE except family, FKing EVER. That is just inviting criminal activity. Oh, look! They are in Aruba on vacation so it's safe to break into their house and steal everything. Oh, look! I'm a sexual predator or worse and I can follow them to some safe (for me) location to assault (or worse) them. Oh, and never, I mean NEVER give anyone access to your devices. Ignore my advice and you will earn my personally devised quote! "Stupid gets what stupid deserves"...
Side note: Admissions people will deny education to victims of stalking because they "don't want to deal with it on campus". Nice victim blaming. There are some extra AH in this story, I see!
someone please correct me if i am wrong about this but she said her location was off i dont really use snap chat a lot but surely if your location is off it doesn't matter what settings have been changed in snap chat they people wont be able to see your location surely settings on an app dont override settings of the actual phone itself if your phone settings location is off and not shared then settings on snap chat doesn't matter feel free to correct me if I'm wrong about this
I'm more mortified that someone who suffers from a stalker harassing them could have issues applying to a program? Talk about blaming the victim.
Yea, she needs to run to the PD and do everything to never be alone with him. Because I'm gutsy, I'd send him 1 last communication telling him why what he did was a complete breach of trust, that she could/would never trust him again, and him to not contact him again. I'd keep evidence of the content of the communication so he cant' accuse her of harassment. What a creep!
You know that tingly bad feeling you get at the back of your neck when something creeps you out? Reading this did that to me. NTA Cut all ties and go with your instincts. Cut off anyone else that tells you it's not a big deal. Your privacy? Big deal!
This is A very serious crime. I had to contact FBI cyber crime unit CS3 for a similar yet much more involved issue. My parents wifi was hacked numerous times over an 8 month period. We were being watched & listened to through our smart tvs. As well as phones. They began talking to us through the search option on our ROKUs & Amazon fire TV. My daughter who is 10 began getting messages & comments through google search as well as playstore. Highly vulger & inappropriate comments, suggestions and threats. Commandeering her phone forcing x rated you tube videos & porn apps on her phone. We removed the smart TVs & learned many security tips to block the creeps out. Anyone within 100-300 ft of your home can do this with little effort or knowledge of how to do so. It's scary the amount of control they can have. Keep all evidence, screenshots, video. That has been our saving grace finding out the culprits. Technology is great, but not in evil hands.
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