Let’s face it, kids don’t have a lot of material possessions, so naturally they can get jealous pretty quickly. This is where a good parent will swoop in and make this emotion a learning moment. Unfortunately, not all parents see it this way.
A woman asked the internet if she was in the wrong for not changing her hair to match her niece’s. While it does seem like a somewhat silly request, her brother’s fiancée seemed to believe she was inconsiderate for making her six-year-old niece jealous. The internet had other thoughts.
While it’s important to validate the emotions of a child, parents also have to teach them that sometimes you can’t get what you want
Image credits: choreograph (not the actual photo)
A woman described the time her brother’s fiancée called her inconsiderate for refusing to cut her hair shorter
Image credits: Artem Nedzelskiy (not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwaway_goldilock
Image credits: Paloma LaMadreInspirada (not the actual photo)
Human beings succumb to jealousy and envy all too easily, and it’s something all of us need to work on
Jealousy is ultimately a very human emotion. It’s often not considered, not planned, we just see or learn something that we want and it springs up. Often it’s a result of scarcity. Seeing someone eat ice cream on a hot day will only evoke real feelings of jealousy if there is some barrier to getting ice cream. This is perhaps why children struggle with it, as they lack the agency and resources to get the things they want. There are approximately zero children who can organize a trip to Disneyland for themselves, but this won’t prevent them from feeling jealous when a friend, or, God forbid, an enemy goes.
Research shows that the more secure a person feels, the less they are affected by envy. Some might argue that certain people are just more predisposed to jealousy than others, but the research findings suggest that it’s a learned response. To tie this into the OP’s story, Eve no doubt feels excluded and also self-conscious about her hair. This is triggered by her “realizing” that her aunt now remains the only one to “look like a princess,” something that Sara could have prevented with a little foresight. Unfortunately, Sara seems to have subscribed to the school of parenting that tries to provide whatever the child wants, regardless of circumstances. Even given the situation, asking OP to cut her hair is ridiculous.
Image credits: Artur Aldyrkhanov (not the actual photo)
This story highlights the parenting opportunities Sara missed
Many commenters suggested that Sara missed a critical moment to turn her daughter’s emotions into a learning experience. Parental guidance is vital to shaping what a child thinks is normal and how they should respond to the world around them. Even as adults, we don’t always get what we want, part of being well-adjusted comes from knowing how to regulate our emotions. Many children’s psychologists recommend highlighting the child’s strengths. In this case, as one commenter said, emphasize that a princess can have different sorts of hair. Expanding the kid’s definition of royalty will probably have other upsides, but, simply put, if she feels more secure in herself, she is less likely to give into envy.
Ultimately it’s Sara’s and Mike’s responsibility to teach Eve good behavior and coping strategies. Mike seems to be staying out of it, but he and Sara do need to work out a cohesive strategy. It’s no secret that children are like parents, they will learn and copy words and mannerisms, so Sara, by making demands of OP, is creating a possibly quite entitled young adult down the line. While she might be too young to put the pieces together, this sort of behavior also sets up unnecessary beauty standards for Eve. She needs to truly believe her hair is just an accessory, and not the arbiter of her self-worth as a human being or a princess for that matter.
Image credits: Amy Humphries (not the actual photo)
Commenters wholeheartedly sided with OP and thought Sara was being pretty short-sighted
I don't think she's an AH for asking. Because hey maybe Auntie would be happy with a change of style. But the moment she got told no she should have just said "Cool." and dropped the matter. If she's still pressuring the Aunt then that's not on.
NTA, and the “learning opportunity” comment is spot on. Also, wigs are a thing, so Eve can still be like Auntie if she wants, and they can even get matching wigs for playtime and styling their ”hair” together can become a bonding activity. But mum is nuts for pressuring OP.
1) Let's say OP does cut her hair short, what if their hair grows at different speeds and Eve's is slower so she then gets upset over that? How far do they all go with this? And 2) Although it's not Aunt's job to do this, as others have said, this is a sure way of teaching Eve how to avoid her feelings and won't help her gain the important life skills she needs to face adversity. 3) Mum is just reinforcing the idea to her daughter that "long is pretty" and a girl's worth is in her looks Basically, no, don't do it!
I don't think she's an AH for asking. Because hey maybe Auntie would be happy with a change of style. But the moment she got told no she should have just said "Cool." and dropped the matter. If she's still pressuring the Aunt then that's not on.
NTA, and the “learning opportunity” comment is spot on. Also, wigs are a thing, so Eve can still be like Auntie if she wants, and they can even get matching wigs for playtime and styling their ”hair” together can become a bonding activity. But mum is nuts for pressuring OP.
1) Let's say OP does cut her hair short, what if their hair grows at different speeds and Eve's is slower so she then gets upset over that? How far do they all go with this? And 2) Although it's not Aunt's job to do this, as others have said, this is a sure way of teaching Eve how to avoid her feelings and won't help her gain the important life skills she needs to face adversity. 3) Mum is just reinforcing the idea to her daughter that "long is pretty" and a girl's worth is in her looks Basically, no, don't do it!
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