Woman Isn’t Invited For Christmas With Husband’s Family Because Of Last Year’s ‘Negative Points’, Drama Ensues When She Doesn’t Pack Bags For Husband To Go Alone
It’s tough enough thinking that your partner’s family might not like you as much as you hoped they would. It’s tougher still when you know that for a fact and when they don’t even invite you over for Christmas.
One redditor shared how she and her husband got into a huge argument that started when his folks decided that they only want him over for Xmas this year. Deciding that he would, in fact, be traveling to spend time with his family alone, without his wife, the husband got angry that she didn’t pack his bags for the trip and called her “petty.”
The redditor turned to the AITA online community for advice and their verdict, wondering if she was wrong not to pack his bags, even though that’s what she usually does when they travel anywhere together. Scroll down for the full story and let us know in the comments what you think of the entire complicated situation. What would you do if you were in the redditor’s shoes, dear Pandas? What’s the best way forward?
A woman shared how she and her husband got into a huge argument over some of his bags that she didn’t pack
Image credits: Craig Adderley (not the actual photo)
Here’s the full story. Everything started when the woman learned her husband’s family doesn’t like her very much
Image credits: richnfamous353
The redditor’s post on the AITA subreddit caught many an internet user’s attention. The story got 22k upvotes in less than a day (or, as I like to think of it, roughly a thousand upvotes each and every hour). What’s more, other redditors gave the author of the post several dozen Reddit awards.
Relationship expert and self-love coach Alex Scot explained to Bored Panda during an earlier interview that to get over so-called “post-argument hangovers” requires physical closeness, like “a hug or a 6-second kiss,” for the sake of co-regulation.
“[Co-regulation is] how we self soothe as infants; a baby cries and a caregiver comes to cuddle and soothe the baby. As adults, co-regulation is very powerful and something we can use to our advantage. So even though you may not feel like hugging or kissing your partner post-argument, as soon as you can bring yourself to do so, go for it. Your nervous system will thank you as it regulates with your partner’s nervous system by sensing their heart rate and breathing,” she said how couples can reconnect with one another after fights.
Meanwhile, dating expert Dan Bacon told me that there’s some confusion among some couples who think that married life is exactly like dating.
“When you’re in a marriage for real, you approach the relationship in a way where you are in it for life and therefore, you sincerely care about how you make the other person feel and their experience in the relationship on a daily basis. They are literally the most important person to you and you act accordingly,” Dan, the founder of The Modern Man, explained to Bored Panda.
“Dating is for now and marriage is for life, so people’s behavior and treatment of each other usually adjusts to suit that,” he said. “I say ‘usually’ because some people make the mistake of treating a marriage more like a dating relationship.”
According to the expert, when couples “marry for real,” they embrace their vows and aim to be together forever, not temporarily. Marriage, in these cases, is a life-changing step. “It’s a huge part of your life experience because the other person is literally going to be there the whole way, so you don’t want to mess up the happy, in love dynamic that you’re experiencing together. You want the love and good times to last for life, so it encourages you to be a better person in the relationship.”
Other Reddit users were very honest about what they thought of the whole situation
Send that family a list with negative points and leave him. That capeesh was not funny, he's a weak twat and that family is toxic. You are not the maid. Go have some fun and have a merry Christmas.
Yeah, that absolutely rubbed me the wrong way, and that was even before the whole "pack my bags" bullshit. Good riddance.
Load More Replies..."Capeesh"? He actually said "capeesh"?! Look, Redditors, hyperbole doesn't help your case, but if this is a completely accurate quote, OP needs to find a divorce lawyer who specialises in Goodfella wannabes, and to take a long look in the mirror at what on earth she was thinking marrying a bad cliche.
I hope she leaves before she gets knocked up, because it’s fine if you have no selfworth and put yourself through this, but kids should have no part in this.
I wouldn't say this is cause for immediate divorce, but this is definitely cause for the "DO you want to be married talk", and some double-checking at the gyno. Can't be too careful right now.
Load More Replies...My (ex) in-laws were just as unpleasant. First Christmas after we got together we had lunch with his parents. MIL made a beef roast, pork roast and a roast chicken. For 4 people. They were all so overcooked, it was like eating sawdust and splinters. Overboiled Brussel sprouts, which I don't like anyway; the roast potatoes and carrots were at least edible. I glugged more wine than I should have just to be able to wash the small nibbles of meat I felt obligated to eat. All the while, I was fending off personal attacks from his mother about me, my career choices (she didn't know w I had a degree, and the job I had working in a print shop was retraining as a graphic designer). All in all it was a nightmare, and I still married the man (smh) We were together for 15 years, married almost 13 years. He never stuck up for me, defended me from his mother's unkindness. She was a major catalyst in the ending of my marriage. Unfortunately I didn't have enough self-respect to defend myself either. She ended up alone, miserable and never sees her (only) son and (only) grandchild - my daughter is a lesbian, and therefore "not worth knowing". Luckily my daughter is a very well adjusted, self-assured and remarkable young woman, and I am extremely proud of her!
boy, what a nice person she is! had this been me i would have sent back a letter with bullet points of what was negative from my perspective. i get the tension that can come from being with a SO's family in the beginning. i was the only non italian, non-christian (jewish), been married before w/a child who married the only son so there a bit of apprehension but if this is happening after 4 yrs...then time to re-evaluate. i will say that all my concerns were for naught. when i got to their house i was greeted with the biggest and best kosher spread i had ever seen. seems my father in law wanted to make sure i was 'comfortable' with eating at their home. they won my heart at that moment...especially after i found out he traveled miles to the only kosher store in the area, consulted with the owners, and bought half the store.
Yikes. A spoiled man-child from an awful family doesn't sound like a fun Christmas, or a great marriage. I'd be out of there like a shot!
Take a good look at your partner’s family. If they’re cold to you now it doesn’t get any better in the future and it feels worse as years go on. I speak from experience.
You and me both! My mother in law has hated me from day one. 16 years later the only difference is now I don't give a fu k
Load More Replies...I normally think these are made up, but I don't think this one is. I've seen several examples of this mother/son codependency in my real life, and they are actually frighteningly similar to this.
Load More Replies...The husband is pathertic. I would stand up for my partner if my family sent a list of negative points and replied that I will not be attending, and then sending a list of their negative points. I would then end it with: Due to the excessive amount of accumulated negative points, I have decreed that my wife and I will be going no contact with you for the year and re-evaluating the negative points next Christmas to see if they have been reduced enough to allow you to re-establish contact. This is looking very unlikely unless you start pulling out all the stops to achieve a loving relationship with my wife and earn our respect. I doubt you will be able to act in such a manner and if this continues for 3 years in total then the no contact will become permanent.
Send that family a list with negative points and leave him. That capeesh was not funny, he's a weak twat and that family is toxic. You are not the maid. Go have some fun and have a merry Christmas.
Yeah, that absolutely rubbed me the wrong way, and that was even before the whole "pack my bags" bullshit. Good riddance.
Load More Replies..."Capeesh"? He actually said "capeesh"?! Look, Redditors, hyperbole doesn't help your case, but if this is a completely accurate quote, OP needs to find a divorce lawyer who specialises in Goodfella wannabes, and to take a long look in the mirror at what on earth she was thinking marrying a bad cliche.
I hope she leaves before she gets knocked up, because it’s fine if you have no selfworth and put yourself through this, but kids should have no part in this.
I wouldn't say this is cause for immediate divorce, but this is definitely cause for the "DO you want to be married talk", and some double-checking at the gyno. Can't be too careful right now.
Load More Replies...My (ex) in-laws were just as unpleasant. First Christmas after we got together we had lunch with his parents. MIL made a beef roast, pork roast and a roast chicken. For 4 people. They were all so overcooked, it was like eating sawdust and splinters. Overboiled Brussel sprouts, which I don't like anyway; the roast potatoes and carrots were at least edible. I glugged more wine than I should have just to be able to wash the small nibbles of meat I felt obligated to eat. All the while, I was fending off personal attacks from his mother about me, my career choices (she didn't know w I had a degree, and the job I had working in a print shop was retraining as a graphic designer). All in all it was a nightmare, and I still married the man (smh) We were together for 15 years, married almost 13 years. He never stuck up for me, defended me from his mother's unkindness. She was a major catalyst in the ending of my marriage. Unfortunately I didn't have enough self-respect to defend myself either. She ended up alone, miserable and never sees her (only) son and (only) grandchild - my daughter is a lesbian, and therefore "not worth knowing". Luckily my daughter is a very well adjusted, self-assured and remarkable young woman, and I am extremely proud of her!
boy, what a nice person she is! had this been me i would have sent back a letter with bullet points of what was negative from my perspective. i get the tension that can come from being with a SO's family in the beginning. i was the only non italian, non-christian (jewish), been married before w/a child who married the only son so there a bit of apprehension but if this is happening after 4 yrs...then time to re-evaluate. i will say that all my concerns were for naught. when i got to their house i was greeted with the biggest and best kosher spread i had ever seen. seems my father in law wanted to make sure i was 'comfortable' with eating at their home. they won my heart at that moment...especially after i found out he traveled miles to the only kosher store in the area, consulted with the owners, and bought half the store.
Yikes. A spoiled man-child from an awful family doesn't sound like a fun Christmas, or a great marriage. I'd be out of there like a shot!
Take a good look at your partner’s family. If they’re cold to you now it doesn’t get any better in the future and it feels worse as years go on. I speak from experience.
You and me both! My mother in law has hated me from day one. 16 years later the only difference is now I don't give a fu k
Load More Replies...I normally think these are made up, but I don't think this one is. I've seen several examples of this mother/son codependency in my real life, and they are actually frighteningly similar to this.
Load More Replies...The husband is pathertic. I would stand up for my partner if my family sent a list of negative points and replied that I will not be attending, and then sending a list of their negative points. I would then end it with: Due to the excessive amount of accumulated negative points, I have decreed that my wife and I will be going no contact with you for the year and re-evaluating the negative points next Christmas to see if they have been reduced enough to allow you to re-establish contact. This is looking very unlikely unless you start pulling out all the stops to achieve a loving relationship with my wife and earn our respect. I doubt you will be able to act in such a manner and if this continues for 3 years in total then the no contact will become permanent.
























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