“Not Sure If I Can Move Past This”: Dad Furious After Wife Pressures Daughter To Shave Her Head
Cutting off your hair can be exhilarating and freeing. You might decide to do a dramatic chop after going through a huge life change or simply because you’re bored and in need of some excitement. But having to lose or shave off your hair when you don’t want to can be traumatizing and heartbreaking.
Below, you’ll find a post that a concerned father recently shared on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit, detailing how his wife and his daughter both ended up with shaved heads recently, as well as some of the replies invested readers left him.
This man’s wife has been battling cancer and ended up losing her hair to chemotherapy
Image credits: Thirdman (not the actual photo)
But when his daughter came home with a shaved head too, he wondered whether the cut was really her choice
Image credits: George Milton (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Alena Darmel (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ChoiceDisastrous4432
Image credits: Ika and Lukas (not the actual photo)
Many people are emotionally attached to their hair
We all have attachments to our hair. Whether you think it’s your best feature or not, getting a haircut can be extremely emotional. Many of us choose to drastically change our hair following a breakup to signal a new beginning, and getting a bad haircut can leave us sobbing and hiding out in bed for hours. A “bad hair day” can be enough to ruin your mood, and a “good hair day” can make you feel on top of the world. “It’s likely we are hardwired to feel emotionally connected to our hair,” psychologist Vivian Diller, PhD, told Well and Good. “We’ve associated it with status, wealth, and royalty since ancient times. Thick, rich hair has always meant health, sensuality, and youth, so it continues to mean that to women today.”
While it’s perfectly normal to be emotionally tied to our hair, this can make it all the more devastating when we lose it due to reasons outside of our control. There are a variety of reasons why this may happen, including hereditary hair loss, age, alopecia areata, cancer treatment, hair care or hairstyles, and other illnesses or stressors. Chemotherapy is, of course, a common reason cancer patients lose their hair, like the mother in this story. According to Pharmacy Times, about 65% of individuals undergoing chemotherapy will experience hair loss. But this can take a huge emotional toll on patients. 47% of female cancer patients consider hair loss to be the most traumatic aspect of undergoing chemo, and 8% say they would even decline treatment for fear of hair loss.
Image credits: Engin Akyurt (not the actual photo)
Having to lose your hair can be extremely traumatic
The psychological impacts of hair loss can be even greater than many people realize. BioStock reports that because hair is such a key part of so many of our identities, hair loss, especially when sudden, can trigger stress, anxiety, depression, post traumatic stress disorder, social phobia, personality disorders, and sometimes even suicidal ideations. While losing hair can take a toll on anyone, it’s often even harder for women to deal with than men. That’s why the mother in this particular Reddit post might not know what to do with her frustration, sadness, anger, and whatever else she may be feeling due to the loss of her hair. But that doesn’t mean it’s appropriate to take her emotions out on her daughter.
Shaving your head to show support for a loved one who has cancer is not a new idea, and it can sometimes be a great way to show that you care. But it’s certainly not the only way to show support, and it should never be expected of family or friends. The father noted in his post that he’s concerned his wife may have manipulated their daughter into shaving her head, which is possible given the different stories they both told him. According to Private Therapy Clinic, some of the tell-tale signs of a manipulative parent are someone who invalidates your feelings, emotionally blackmails, gaslights and someone who withholds affection.
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
But trauma is not an excuse to manipulate loved ones and damage relationships
Based on what this teenage girl told her father, it appears that her mother completely disregarded her feelings to pressure her into shaving her head. And she threatened to withhold affection, or “never forgive her,” if she refused to shave her head. Navigating a relationship with a manipulative spouse or parent can be incredibly challenging, but Healthline says that the best first step is to call them out on their behavior. Let them know how their actions make you feel, and set clear boundaries. And of course, find support. Having cancer is traumatic, but having a mother or wife who is battling cancer can be traumatic as well. Finding a trusted therapist is always a great step to take, even if this man and his daughter don’t think they are going through as much as the mom.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this story in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this father was right to call out his wife? Or would you have handled the situation differently? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing toxic parents, we recommend checking out this list next!
Concerned readers assured the father that he was right to defend his daughter, pointing out how unhealthy his wife’s behavior is
The wife said the thing she struggled with the most was losing her hair. So she forces her daughter into the very same struggle. What a thing to wish for your child. Horrific.
A teenage 17 year old child. Does this girl get to have her teenage years at all? Would mommy' dearest pull the "if you love me you wouldn't be looking to go to prom while I'm suffering and despondent" card just so she could brag about how loved she was by her daughter to the world, without loving her daughter as she deserves in the same breath?
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Buzzing your head is, to an extent, the thoughts and prayers of cancer treatment. I'd probably do it for a loved one, but l can see why people would refuse. It does literally nothing to the healing process. And come on, we all know how important hair is for a girl that age. She sounds like the kind of mum who wants to compete with her own daughter for looks.
Or who wanted to post "heartwarming" pictures of their matching buzz cuts on facebook to brag about how awesome her kid is.....Or TikTok I guess, apparantely being a TikTok mom is now a thing.
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We often forget that tragic events happen to a****oles too. It's humane to feel compassion for someone in a terrible situation, but they remain human. This mother is obviously a monster and wanted the youngster to suffer too. It tells much about herself and IMO gives OP a good reason to leave her. Don't let "oh, poor thing, she has cancer" hide her real nature. Narcissists never change and are very good at using the bad events they go through to manipulate others.
There's another side to consider, depending on where the tumor is located, patients change their personality and sometimes drastically so! Fe in brain tumors even benign ones you often get personality switches which even after the treatment never go away. Which is why I always cut rude brain cancer patients some slack. Sadly sometimes they can't help themselves. 😢 and this is hard to understand and live with for family and friends.
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Literal child abuse. Forcing a girl to shave her head against her will, for no reason, is child abuse.
Yup. It's showing support when your kid says "hey can I get my head shaved too?" or when they just go out and do it on their own. The emotional blackmail here was disgusting.
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Your wife is the type of person who would act surprised when your daughter cuts contact.
" I would never forgive you..." Those words to my kid would end my relationship. I have been through , cancer, stroke and now hospice, with my Husband - and I would NOT forgive if he purposely abused our Son. Stress of cancer etc - can cause a lot of problems ( I feel like I have been through them, all) But as a PARENT - we protect our kids at all costs. Personally - if wife does not apologize and get counseling - my marriage would be over.
Frankly this would be grounds for divorce for me. That's inexcusable behavior. I don't care WHAT you're going through, emotionally abusing your child is wrong.
I'm old, but my father was a narcissist who only chose women with borderline personality. It's a whole thing, those types attract each other. So after a mother who didn't want me, to two step mothers who were also abusive, I can say that in my opinion this woman has borderline personality disorder and is currently experiencing rage. Unable to contain it as a personal tragedy, she is rolling it downhill to the weakest mark she can find, a daughter unable to give anything but unconditional love. This girl is never going to trust anyone again. ETA: changed a word
I dated someone with borderline personality disorder. I really don't think there is enough information here to say that this guys wife has bpd.
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Experienced something similar with family friend. She found out she had cancer and proceeded through the initial treatments. Then found out that the response to treatment was fantastic, she was going to make 100% recovery. After she let everyone know the good news, she complained that she wasn’t getting any “support anymore, everyone forgot she has cancer.” My mother decided to have a get together for her to raise her spirits. She shows up to the party, her head is bald. She had hair the previous week, and was no longer doing chemo or radiation, hadn’t been for about 2 months, and didn’t experience the hair loss common with those treatments. Everyone just doted all over her. Party ended, everyone left. Mom and dad are getting ready to take the woman home, and the woman broke down, that people didn’t care for her if she wasn’t sick, it comes out she shaved her damn head to regain attention she was showered with when she got her diagnosis. She moved not long after, lost touch
Münchausen syndrom. That is so common a disease that it has gotten its own name.
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I’m willing to bet your wife has always been a narcissist, especially with your daughter but you haven’t been oaying attention/ had your head in the sand. It’s very typical that narcissists dial it up in times of stress and get more blatant. You need to have some serious conversations with your daughter and possibly a therapist because I think there’s more going on here. Also, unless you do something right now, expect to see very little of your daughter in the next few years.
If she's healthy enough and physically stable enough [check with the doctor(s)], separate from your wife immediately, move out, and take your 17-year-old daughter with you. You shouldn't have to move past this and you won't be able to. Your wife did something that broke the family: her bond of trust with her husband and her bond of trust and caretaking with her daughter. I say "immediately" because your daughter needs to see you be strong enough to draw a healthy line with your soon-to-be-ex-wife, lest she think this is normal married couple behavior and expect something similar from her future marriage (should she even choose to get married at all after witnessing this); your daughter desperately needs to see that she will be defended in full force by her father even if her mother loves herself more than anyone else at the moment and maybe for good. Once you're both moved out, you can calmly and correctly get the divorce papers lined up. You're strong. You've got this.
Not really motherly behaviour....a mother should want their kid to be as happy as possible and not add additional pressure and stress on her which she already has with a sick mother.
Mother was envious of daughter and made her suffer the same. Mother has shown true nature, that she’s a malicious witch. Shame on her. I’d divorce over that level of abuse. How bad can a person be that they inflict suffering on her own daughter. Hate is a word that comes to mind.
If it was me, I’d take my daughter out to help me pick out some wigs to wear until my own hair grew back in. She could help me pick wigs for everyday, for going out, and for fun, or even just to try some different styles, colors, and lengths. THAT’S enlisting the daughter’s help and support—-and making a fun and memorable mother-daughter kind of day out of it—-whereas coercing her into cutting off 3 or 4 (or more) years of hair growth in one fell swoop is most definitely NOT. This one sounds like Mom being jealous of her daughter’s hair, maybe her overall appearance. I have known some vain moms, the type of women who have skated by on their looks their entire lives (we’ve all run into them), who purposely did stuff like cut their daughters’ beautiful hair off and get it styled almost like a little boy because they felt their daughters were prettier—-compounded by being younger, of course—-and taking the spotlight off Mom. Like their own flesh and blood is in competition with them for the male gaze, ffs. Sick and twisted AF.
WTF. "Hey, show support for me by doing this thing I demand you to do that you don't want to or I'll dislike you, but doing so will ironically make you resent me thus actually wanting to be less supportive."
I've lost all of my hair to alopecia. And though it is totally different from cancer, I can relate to the part where she lost her hair. In no way would I ever impose on an impressionable teen to cut her hair off to support me. I found support and love in other ways. Why is this so important to the wife is the real question? I think jealousy plays a big part. Also she will never be able to repair the damage done at such an impressionable age. The daughter will never feel the same about her (step-?)mom. All around lose-lose. Also just because someone has cancer doesn't give them a free pass on anything.
Oh she won one with the daughter. She's gonna play the cancer card now an see how much she can get people to do for her. I feel bad for the daughter. Hope the hair was donated. Maybe they can do some wig shopping trips together to repair that issue. Don't let mom go "but you should want to do x for me. I have cancer".
So long as you understand you're not getting any visits from your daughter after she moves out. Which I hope is in 1 year.
My parents have been through so many illnesses and they would never expect anything like this from my siblings and I. This mom is horrible to her daughter and her husband needs to take their daughter and get away from her. Cancer doesn't give you the right to mistreat your child and essentially make threats to them.
She didn’t even suggest for the hair to be donated for making wigs for young cancer patients … mother is definitely an a*****e …
I am sorry your wife is fighting cancer and lost her hair. Manipulating your daughter to shave her head was cruel & selfish. Your wife wanted your daughter to feel horrible about her looks as this is how your wife feels. Your wife needs psychological help ASAP and so does your daughter after your wife cruelly made her shave her head. I am sure your daughter is embarrassed & angry. Your wife crossed the line but she did show her true colors...something you need to think about. IMHO your wife is abusive and I am sure this was not the first time. Please in the future protect your daughter from your wife.
Assuming the story is true, it sounds like to me that the mom's on a power trip; she may feel as if she has little control or power over what's going on with her cancer, but has total control and power over the daughter, and has exercised said power in a very unhealthy and damaging way...
I did the "bald chick" routine when I went through chemo. I would have never expected--much less, guilted anyone into shaving their head to show solidarity. It sounds like the mother is jealous of her own daughter, and decided that she wouldn't tolerate standing out. What better way to humiliate a teenage girl than to pressure her into shaving off her locks? It wouldn't surprise me in the least if OP decides to separate and eventually divorce his wife because of this.
Mom needs therapy; she used her illness to manipulate her daughter who is at a vulnerable age. Certainly "showing solidarity" is a thing but you don't get to demand someone show solidarity with you, they offer it themselves. Mom and OP need marriage therapy because, this would probably be the breaking point for my marriage - you don't manipulate your teen. Mom, dad, and daughter need therapy because Mom needs to in a safe place get on her knees, apologize, and own her insanity. She needs to hope her family doesn't kick her to the curb for being horribly manipulative.
My heart is broken for his daughter. Teen years are tough even with a strong sense of self. I guarantee she’s being picked on viciously by other students. And forget going to prom or other events because she’s not going to want to go. I’ve heard mothers can be jealous of their daughters but wow!!! I understand being scared and feeling alone in the midst of a life threatening illness even with support. No one can go through that for you but wow, just wow. I hope the poor girl gets a good wig, when there’s enough growth, some fabulous extensions and heads across the country for college. Therapy, lots of therapy to dig out from the trauma that has most likely been going on for years
She's probably seen the stories where families do this and wanted to b able to tell her her friends and family that her daughter loves her SO MUCH that she wanted to do this, rather than let her daughter make a choice on her own. And there r plenty of other ways to support someone going thru cancer
Wanna bet she took out the girl for shopping to be able to pressure her into this? Cut her off from dad, make it impossible for her to go back to her room/leave and put her on the spot in a very public environment where a teenager might not have the emotional fortitude to stand up for themselves. The wife is a classic abuser and I'd be kicking her out the door without any remorse.
I had chemo a few years back and thought losing my hair would be no big deal. It's not a limb, it will grow back right? I was wrong. I was very emotional when I lost my hair but I would NEVER expect friends or family to shave their heads in solidarity. I perfectly understand this woman's self image crisis in losing her hair but she had no right to pressure her daughter into shaving her head. This could very well damage her relationship with her daughter forever. Shame on this mom for being such a manipulative b##ch.
The wife didn't want solidarity ir comfort, she was jealous of her daughter and couldn't stand to look at her long hair. What a terrible parent
17yo is old enough for her opinion to be considered in court. I'd be divorced as soon as legally possible.
My aunt got breast cancer and went through that chemio hell. At the time, I decided to cut my long long hair short for purely personal choices and she desperately begged me to tell her that I DID NOT do that for her and that she would never forgive herself if I did. THIS is how a great person reacts... That mother is an emotional abuser and the hair story is only the most visible tip of the iceberg. Emotional abuse is subtle and sneaky. Usually you only realize you went through it when you hit the therapy step for apparently unrelated problems (spoiler they're not unrelated)
Shaving you head to show sympathy with a cancer patient can be a really beutiful thing to do. However if the only reason you are doing it is because somebody shamed you into doing it, it is kind of like the point has gone missing. Thinkin along the lines of "I suffer and so should people around me" like the wife seem to do, is not very constructive, and doing so almost alway only lead to a bad outcome. His wife sounds very selfish, and though she might be technically right that it was a choice that the daugther made on her own, it doesn't sound like she made it any more easy for the daugther to choose the option that she would have liked. Instead it sounds like the wife did whatever she could to scewed the playing field so the daughter would make the choice that pleased her instead of the choice that was in the daugter's best interest. That is manipulation and it is a very selfish thing to do. TShe should have loved her daugter enough to her best interest prioritised.
Cancer patients can get drastical personality changes depending on the tumor location and cancer treatment! And they can even loose the competence/ ability to understand, what they do is wrong/ manipulative/ hurtful. Of course there are those who have always been a*holes. Dealing with those personality changes can be VERY hard for family and friends and can end even strong relationships 😢. Another thing: cancer patients are never the same afterwards! This is a life altering situation. Is it OK to be an a*s about it? NO. Nervertheless in a lot of cases patients just can't help themselves.
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The wife said the thing she struggled with the most was losing her hair. So she forces her daughter into the very same struggle. What a thing to wish for your child. Horrific.
A teenage 17 year old child. Does this girl get to have her teenage years at all? Would mommy' dearest pull the "if you love me you wouldn't be looking to go to prom while I'm suffering and despondent" card just so she could brag about how loved she was by her daughter to the world, without loving her daughter as she deserves in the same breath?
Load More Replies... Buzzing your head is, to an extent, the thoughts and prayers of cancer treatment. I'd probably do it for a loved one, but l can see why people would refuse. It does literally nothing to the healing process. And come on, we all know how important hair is for a girl that age. She sounds like the kind of mum who wants to compete with her own daughter for looks.
Or who wanted to post "heartwarming" pictures of their matching buzz cuts on facebook to brag about how awesome her kid is.....Or TikTok I guess, apparantely being a TikTok mom is now a thing.
Load More Replies... We often forget that tragic events happen to a****oles too. It's humane to feel compassion for someone in a terrible situation, but they remain human. This mother is obviously a monster and wanted the youngster to suffer too. It tells much about herself and IMO gives OP a good reason to leave her. Don't let "oh, poor thing, she has cancer" hide her real nature. Narcissists never change and are very good at using the bad events they go through to manipulate others.
There's another side to consider, depending on where the tumor is located, patients change their personality and sometimes drastically so! Fe in brain tumors even benign ones you often get personality switches which even after the treatment never go away. Which is why I always cut rude brain cancer patients some slack. Sadly sometimes they can't help themselves. 😢 and this is hard to understand and live with for family and friends.
Load More Replies... Literal child abuse. Forcing a girl to shave her head against her will, for no reason, is child abuse.
Yup. It's showing support when your kid says "hey can I get my head shaved too?" or when they just go out and do it on their own. The emotional blackmail here was disgusting.
Load More Replies... Your wife is the type of person who would act surprised when your daughter cuts contact.
" I would never forgive you..." Those words to my kid would end my relationship. I have been through , cancer, stroke and now hospice, with my Husband - and I would NOT forgive if he purposely abused our Son. Stress of cancer etc - can cause a lot of problems ( I feel like I have been through them, all) But as a PARENT - we protect our kids at all costs. Personally - if wife does not apologize and get counseling - my marriage would be over.
Frankly this would be grounds for divorce for me. That's inexcusable behavior. I don't care WHAT you're going through, emotionally abusing your child is wrong.
I'm old, but my father was a narcissist who only chose women with borderline personality. It's a whole thing, those types attract each other. So after a mother who didn't want me, to two step mothers who were also abusive, I can say that in my opinion this woman has borderline personality disorder and is currently experiencing rage. Unable to contain it as a personal tragedy, she is rolling it downhill to the weakest mark she can find, a daughter unable to give anything but unconditional love. This girl is never going to trust anyone again. ETA: changed a word
I dated someone with borderline personality disorder. I really don't think there is enough information here to say that this guys wife has bpd.
Load More Replies... Experienced something similar with family friend. She found out she had cancer and proceeded through the initial treatments. Then found out that the response to treatment was fantastic, she was going to make 100% recovery. After she let everyone know the good news, she complained that she wasn’t getting any “support anymore, everyone forgot she has cancer.” My mother decided to have a get together for her to raise her spirits. She shows up to the party, her head is bald. She had hair the previous week, and was no longer doing chemo or radiation, hadn’t been for about 2 months, and didn’t experience the hair loss common with those treatments. Everyone just doted all over her. Party ended, everyone left. Mom and dad are getting ready to take the woman home, and the woman broke down, that people didn’t care for her if she wasn’t sick, it comes out she shaved her damn head to regain attention she was showered with when she got her diagnosis. She moved not long after, lost touch
Münchausen syndrom. That is so common a disease that it has gotten its own name.
Load More Replies... I’m willing to bet your wife has always been a narcissist, especially with your daughter but you haven’t been oaying attention/ had your head in the sand. It’s very typical that narcissists dial it up in times of stress and get more blatant. You need to have some serious conversations with your daughter and possibly a therapist because I think there’s more going on here. Also, unless you do something right now, expect to see very little of your daughter in the next few years.
If she's healthy enough and physically stable enough [check with the doctor(s)], separate from your wife immediately, move out, and take your 17-year-old daughter with you. You shouldn't have to move past this and you won't be able to. Your wife did something that broke the family: her bond of trust with her husband and her bond of trust and caretaking with her daughter. I say "immediately" because your daughter needs to see you be strong enough to draw a healthy line with your soon-to-be-ex-wife, lest she think this is normal married couple behavior and expect something similar from her future marriage (should she even choose to get married at all after witnessing this); your daughter desperately needs to see that she will be defended in full force by her father even if her mother loves herself more than anyone else at the moment and maybe for good. Once you're both moved out, you can calmly and correctly get the divorce papers lined up. You're strong. You've got this.
Not really motherly behaviour....a mother should want their kid to be as happy as possible and not add additional pressure and stress on her which she already has with a sick mother.
Mother was envious of daughter and made her suffer the same. Mother has shown true nature, that she’s a malicious witch. Shame on her. I’d divorce over that level of abuse. How bad can a person be that they inflict suffering on her own daughter. Hate is a word that comes to mind.
If it was me, I’d take my daughter out to help me pick out some wigs to wear until my own hair grew back in. She could help me pick wigs for everyday, for going out, and for fun, or even just to try some different styles, colors, and lengths. THAT’S enlisting the daughter’s help and support—-and making a fun and memorable mother-daughter kind of day out of it—-whereas coercing her into cutting off 3 or 4 (or more) years of hair growth in one fell swoop is most definitely NOT. This one sounds like Mom being jealous of her daughter’s hair, maybe her overall appearance. I have known some vain moms, the type of women who have skated by on their looks their entire lives (we’ve all run into them), who purposely did stuff like cut their daughters’ beautiful hair off and get it styled almost like a little boy because they felt their daughters were prettier—-compounded by being younger, of course—-and taking the spotlight off Mom. Like their own flesh and blood is in competition with them for the male gaze, ffs. Sick and twisted AF.
WTF. "Hey, show support for me by doing this thing I demand you to do that you don't want to or I'll dislike you, but doing so will ironically make you resent me thus actually wanting to be less supportive."
I've lost all of my hair to alopecia. And though it is totally different from cancer, I can relate to the part where she lost her hair. In no way would I ever impose on an impressionable teen to cut her hair off to support me. I found support and love in other ways. Why is this so important to the wife is the real question? I think jealousy plays a big part. Also she will never be able to repair the damage done at such an impressionable age. The daughter will never feel the same about her (step-?)mom. All around lose-lose. Also just because someone has cancer doesn't give them a free pass on anything.
Oh she won one with the daughter. She's gonna play the cancer card now an see how much she can get people to do for her. I feel bad for the daughter. Hope the hair was donated. Maybe they can do some wig shopping trips together to repair that issue. Don't let mom go "but you should want to do x for me. I have cancer".
So long as you understand you're not getting any visits from your daughter after she moves out. Which I hope is in 1 year.
My parents have been through so many illnesses and they would never expect anything like this from my siblings and I. This mom is horrible to her daughter and her husband needs to take their daughter and get away from her. Cancer doesn't give you the right to mistreat your child and essentially make threats to them.
She didn’t even suggest for the hair to be donated for making wigs for young cancer patients … mother is definitely an a*****e …
I am sorry your wife is fighting cancer and lost her hair. Manipulating your daughter to shave her head was cruel & selfish. Your wife wanted your daughter to feel horrible about her looks as this is how your wife feels. Your wife needs psychological help ASAP and so does your daughter after your wife cruelly made her shave her head. I am sure your daughter is embarrassed & angry. Your wife crossed the line but she did show her true colors...something you need to think about. IMHO your wife is abusive and I am sure this was not the first time. Please in the future protect your daughter from your wife.
Assuming the story is true, it sounds like to me that the mom's on a power trip; she may feel as if she has little control or power over what's going on with her cancer, but has total control and power over the daughter, and has exercised said power in a very unhealthy and damaging way...
I did the "bald chick" routine when I went through chemo. I would have never expected--much less, guilted anyone into shaving their head to show solidarity. It sounds like the mother is jealous of her own daughter, and decided that she wouldn't tolerate standing out. What better way to humiliate a teenage girl than to pressure her into shaving off her locks? It wouldn't surprise me in the least if OP decides to separate and eventually divorce his wife because of this.
Mom needs therapy; she used her illness to manipulate her daughter who is at a vulnerable age. Certainly "showing solidarity" is a thing but you don't get to demand someone show solidarity with you, they offer it themselves. Mom and OP need marriage therapy because, this would probably be the breaking point for my marriage - you don't manipulate your teen. Mom, dad, and daughter need therapy because Mom needs to in a safe place get on her knees, apologize, and own her insanity. She needs to hope her family doesn't kick her to the curb for being horribly manipulative.
My heart is broken for his daughter. Teen years are tough even with a strong sense of self. I guarantee she’s being picked on viciously by other students. And forget going to prom or other events because she’s not going to want to go. I’ve heard mothers can be jealous of their daughters but wow!!! I understand being scared and feeling alone in the midst of a life threatening illness even with support. No one can go through that for you but wow, just wow. I hope the poor girl gets a good wig, when there’s enough growth, some fabulous extensions and heads across the country for college. Therapy, lots of therapy to dig out from the trauma that has most likely been going on for years
She's probably seen the stories where families do this and wanted to b able to tell her her friends and family that her daughter loves her SO MUCH that she wanted to do this, rather than let her daughter make a choice on her own. And there r plenty of other ways to support someone going thru cancer
Wanna bet she took out the girl for shopping to be able to pressure her into this? Cut her off from dad, make it impossible for her to go back to her room/leave and put her on the spot in a very public environment where a teenager might not have the emotional fortitude to stand up for themselves. The wife is a classic abuser and I'd be kicking her out the door without any remorse.
I had chemo a few years back and thought losing my hair would be no big deal. It's not a limb, it will grow back right? I was wrong. I was very emotional when I lost my hair but I would NEVER expect friends or family to shave their heads in solidarity. I perfectly understand this woman's self image crisis in losing her hair but she had no right to pressure her daughter into shaving her head. This could very well damage her relationship with her daughter forever. Shame on this mom for being such a manipulative b##ch.
The wife didn't want solidarity ir comfort, she was jealous of her daughter and couldn't stand to look at her long hair. What a terrible parent
17yo is old enough for her opinion to be considered in court. I'd be divorced as soon as legally possible.
My aunt got breast cancer and went through that chemio hell. At the time, I decided to cut my long long hair short for purely personal choices and she desperately begged me to tell her that I DID NOT do that for her and that she would never forgive herself if I did. THIS is how a great person reacts... That mother is an emotional abuser and the hair story is only the most visible tip of the iceberg. Emotional abuse is subtle and sneaky. Usually you only realize you went through it when you hit the therapy step for apparently unrelated problems (spoiler they're not unrelated)
Shaving you head to show sympathy with a cancer patient can be a really beutiful thing to do. However if the only reason you are doing it is because somebody shamed you into doing it, it is kind of like the point has gone missing. Thinkin along the lines of "I suffer and so should people around me" like the wife seem to do, is not very constructive, and doing so almost alway only lead to a bad outcome. His wife sounds very selfish, and though she might be technically right that it was a choice that the daugther made on her own, it doesn't sound like she made it any more easy for the daugther to choose the option that she would have liked. Instead it sounds like the wife did whatever she could to scewed the playing field so the daughter would make the choice that pleased her instead of the choice that was in the daugter's best interest. That is manipulation and it is a very selfish thing to do. TShe should have loved her daugter enough to her best interest prioritised.
Cancer patients can get drastical personality changes depending on the tumor location and cancer treatment! And they can even loose the competence/ ability to understand, what they do is wrong/ manipulative/ hurtful. Of course there are those who have always been a*holes. Dealing with those personality changes can be VERY hard for family and friends and can end even strong relationships 😢. Another thing: cancer patients are never the same afterwards! This is a life altering situation. Is it OK to be an a*s about it? NO. Nervertheless in a lot of cases patients just can't help themselves.
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