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“I Don’t Care”: New Mom Tells MIL To Get Out When Her Unannounced Visit Woke Her Up From Her Nap
When you marry someone, you’re not just committing to them—you’re also joining their family. In the best-case scenario, that’s a genuine bonus: more people to celebrate with, support to lean on, and gatherings that actually feel warm and fun. But in the worst case, it can mean dealing with relatives you don’t click with, and that kind of stress gets exhausting over time.
One woman found herself in that situation. Her mother-in-law kept showing up uninvited and unannounced, treating the couple’s home like it was hers. After one too many surprise visits, the woman finally told her, clearly and firmly, to leave. The mother-in-law didn’t take it well, and worse, the husband didn’t back his wife up. What followed was a dramatic blowup that left everyone furious.
Read the full story below.
RELATED:
In-laws can be surprisingly good at overstepping boundaries
Image credits: Alexander Grey (not the actual photo)
After her mother-in-law showed up uninvited one too many times, one woman finally had enough and kicked her out
Image credits: Specialist_Cattle597
Image credits: Selcuk S (not the actual photo)
The MIL joke has a long and storied history
While “annoying mother-in-law” humor might be the territory of comedy hacks these days, this worn-out genre does have some pedigree. Many quips throughout history went unrecorded—no doubt due to scribes being killjoys—but some of the earliest instances appear to come from the ancient Romans.
The poet Juvenal, in Satire VI, writes that no one can be truly happy while their mother-in-law is still alive. Given Roman attitudes toward women, this is possibly one of the most intense cases of punching down ever recorded. Then again, there are enough horror stories about in-laws that at least some of this humor starts to make sense. It wouldn’t be the first time an overbearing mother caused relationship drama.
The fact that Juvenal could make this reference without further elaboration suggests the trope goes back even further. For whatever reason, unlike much ancient humor, this type of gag could still get a few laughs today—though without context, it increasingly comes across as hack material.
Interestingly, most current mothers-in-law don’t actually find this offensive. One survey found that many mothers-in-law saw the humor as harmless, even if not particularly funny. The reasoning was simple: they believed they didn’t behave that way, so it didn’t apply to them.
Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Personal boundaries are essential in any relationship, and so is communication
The real issue here isn’t just that this woman is the wife’s mother-in-law, although that certainly complicates things. More fundamentally, the problem is twofold: the mother-in-law seems entirely unaware of normal personal boundaries, and the husband has repeatedly failed to communicate with his wife about inviting people over.
While some might see boundaries as limiting, they’re actually essential for healthy relationships. Without them, as this story demonstrates, one person develops mounting resentment toward the other—often the genesis of breakups and divorces.
This can be particularly difficult with family, since many normal social norms don’t apply. After all, your parents probably changed your diapers—how do you make them understand what they can and cannot do now? In-laws can be even trickier, since the only person who can really address the issue is your partner—and sometimes your partner doesn’t share the same boundaries at all.
As many commenters noted, most of us would never show up at a close friend’s home unannounced, yet somehow in-laws often feel entitled to do exactly that. But here’s the critical point: while the mother-in-law’s behavior is problematic, the husband’s role is arguably worse.
He has repeatedly invited people to their shared home without giving his wife a heads-up, dismissing her concerns and prioritizing his own comfort over hers. The fact that he’s “embarrassed” by her reaction reveals that he’s completely overlooked her needs in this situation.
This couple should sit down and have a serious conversation about communication. The husband would do well to respect his wife enough to discuss plans for their shared space before making them, and they should set boundaries with his mother as a team.
There are countless relationships that fell apart because people kept things to themselves or avoided hard conversations.
The author shared more details in the comments
Most readers thought she was not at all to blame
Others, however, felt her reaction went too far
And some insisted the author was the one in the wrong
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What do you think ?
LuckyL 3 weeks ago
I'm baffled by the yta as well as esh - They came BOTH in when she was sleeping - she told them to leave and stepmom PULLS the blanket away??? How dare she? And it's clear why the husband thinks its okay to behave this way if is mothers opinion is more important to him.
FluffyDreg 3 weeks ago
Right? Who wouldn't be snappy litterally waking up to being manhandled? This wasn't a light "Hey hun, moms here to see you and the baby" Tap on the shoulder- this is trying to cloth her and almost pull her out of bed???
Load More Replies...
Trillian 3 weeks ago
W*F? Not only not telling her someone's coming over but WAKING her up? With the MIL in tow? Is he insane? If they travelled 3 hours could they not at the very least wait until she wakes up?
JL Webb 3 days ago
He had 3 hours of travel time to communicate. Even if it would have been "last minute", she could have laid down earlier or MIL could have waited. But coming into the BR to goad her into getting up because neither of them showed her an ounce of courtesy by communicating is absolute bullsh*t.
Load More Replies...
patricia patricia 3 weeks ago (edited)
If my partner walked into my room with a stranger without warning or permission, and tried to pull the blankets away to wake me up, I'd slap both of them and kick them out of the house. Whatever the author says in her comments, your MIL *is* a stranger. She has no right to enter your bedroom unless *you* invite her to come in. MIL is too entitled, and the husband does not respect OP, either.
Ace 3 weeks ago
As it's written this is clearly unhinged behaviour from the husband. You can't repeatedly "accidentally" forget to mention that the MiL is coming, (assuming he knew about it, which is implied by her comments).
JL Webb 3 days ago
Especially with 3 hours of travel time to communicate.
Load More Replies...
Naomi Ellis 3 weeks ago
The people saying she sees you as a daughter, I can tell you, if my mum did that, she would have faced much worse treatment. You do not owe your privacy to anyone. And teaching children that it's ok to barge into someone else's private space is just wrong.
JayWantsACat 3 weeks ago
OP is right. The MIL did travel 3 hours for nothing and that's her son's fault. The end.
The Starsong Princess 3 weeks ago
You’ve been nice for the last eight times. Now you are done being nice.
TonjaLasagne 2 weeks ago
The YTAs are clueless, as usual. If you barge into MY bedroom, telling me to get up, tearing off the blankets, lady, be prepared for me to jump up and pop you. But OP definitely has a husband problem. What an idiot!
JL Webb 3 days ago
I'd be pissed if this happened anytime, but with an 8 month old....🤯
Load More Replies...
Crystalwitch60 3 weeks ago
Wow them s c u m inhuman ytas really worry me , I pray they do not have kids !! Don’t need those inhumans breeding ,ffs !! Walking in to the bloody bedroom n walking an exhausted new mother even at ‘8 mth only baby ,if they aren’t sleeping thru night yet , is freaking rude selfish oh n if it had been me downright bloody dangerous ! Demanding she gets up n slating her was cruel , op has a severe husband n his mummy issue big time , NTA but husband n monster in law is BIG TIME A HOLES ,
tameson 1 week ago
The YTA are insane. Did they miss the point where the OP said there were at least 15 occasions when this had happened, starting when she was 4 days PP? She had no obligation to play hostess to guests she had no idea were coming. On the other hand, the visitors most definitely had an obligation to ensure that their visit was known about in advance and welcome.
Ablaza Blue 1 week ago
That pulling of all sheets & blankets would have earned her a face punch & him divorce papers.
Anne Roberts 1 week ago
I HATE surprise visitors! When I was a new mom 40 years ago, I was lucky to have a chance to brush my hair or take a shower, let alone entertain surprise guests. My MIL did come to stay for a couple of weeks and she was a lifesaver! She was a retired nurse and I had never taken care of a baby, so she was awesome. I realize not all MILs are like that but OPs MIL and husband need to rethink their actions. A new mom is so tired, stressed, and often overwhelmed. People should be helping her, not expecting her to entertain them.
Neiti Luonnotar 1 week ago
Sounds like a case of postpartum burnout. That b***h calling her "lazy" several times over shows complete lack of knowledge, understanding, empathy and respect. The husband's the same, neither of them understand the situation. Having guest in a home with a new baby in three days after birth?! Reckless endangerment! The safety period is three months for the baby to be subjected to the germs adults carry with no risk to themselves. Why do women keep marrying into these families that suck! Just say no!
Nikki Sevven 3 weeks ago
The line was crossed when OP's husband allowed his mother to tag along to your private bedroom, then wake you up by manhandling you, then not speaking up when his mother tried to forcibly remove you from your bed. Ditch them both unless hubby wises up, because he's dead wrong.
Kate Johnson 3 weeks ago
I'm sorry, this husband is a completely worthless POS and the MIL is a clueless b***h. How dare he continue to pull that atrocious nonsense on his wife. I would tell him that he can sleep on the couch until he learns how to be a more considerate partner and consult a lawyer, in case he's too stupid to figure it out.
Vinnie 3 weeks ago (edited)
If online chats work, great. If the grandmother refuses them or still shows up without the OP being informed, that leaves her with trying to idiot-proof the situation. That could be: asking every 3 hours "Is your mother coming over?"; contacting his mother every 3 hours to ask "Are you coming over?" Imagine having to do that until the MIL goes wherever difficult people go in the afterlife.
Load More Replies... LuckyL 3 weeks ago
I'm baffled by the yta as well as esh - They came BOTH in when she was sleeping - she told them to leave and stepmom PULLS the blanket away??? How dare she? And it's clear why the husband thinks its okay to behave this way if is mothers opinion is more important to him.
FluffyDreg 3 weeks ago
Right? Who wouldn't be snappy litterally waking up to being manhandled? This wasn't a light "Hey hun, moms here to see you and the baby" Tap on the shoulder- this is trying to cloth her and almost pull her out of bed???
Load More Replies... Trillian 3 weeks ago
W*F? Not only not telling her someone's coming over but WAKING her up? With the MIL in tow? Is he insane? If they travelled 3 hours could they not at the very least wait until she wakes up?
JL Webb 3 days ago
He had 3 hours of travel time to communicate. Even if it would have been "last minute", she could have laid down earlier or MIL could have waited. But coming into the BR to goad her into getting up because neither of them showed her an ounce of courtesy by communicating is absolute bullsh*t.
Load More Replies... patricia patricia 3 weeks ago (edited)
If my partner walked into my room with a stranger without warning or permission, and tried to pull the blankets away to wake me up, I'd slap both of them and kick them out of the house. Whatever the author says in her comments, your MIL *is* a stranger. She has no right to enter your bedroom unless *you* invite her to come in. MIL is too entitled, and the husband does not respect OP, either.
Ace 3 weeks ago
As it's written this is clearly unhinged behaviour from the husband. You can't repeatedly "accidentally" forget to mention that the MiL is coming, (assuming he knew about it, which is implied by her comments).
JL Webb 3 days ago
Especially with 3 hours of travel time to communicate.
Load More Replies... Naomi Ellis 3 weeks ago
The people saying she sees you as a daughter, I can tell you, if my mum did that, she would have faced much worse treatment. You do not owe your privacy to anyone. And teaching children that it's ok to barge into someone else's private space is just wrong.
JayWantsACat 3 weeks ago
OP is right. The MIL did travel 3 hours for nothing and that's her son's fault. The end.
The Starsong Princess 3 weeks ago
You’ve been nice for the last eight times. Now you are done being nice.
TonjaLasagne 2 weeks ago
The YTAs are clueless, as usual. If you barge into MY bedroom, telling me to get up, tearing off the blankets, lady, be prepared for me to jump up and pop you. But OP definitely has a husband problem. What an idiot!
JL Webb 3 days ago
I'd be pissed if this happened anytime, but with an 8 month old....🤯
Load More Replies... Crystalwitch60 3 weeks ago
Wow them s c u m inhuman ytas really worry me , I pray they do not have kids !! Don’t need those inhumans breeding ,ffs !! Walking in to the bloody bedroom n walking an exhausted new mother even at ‘8 mth only baby ,if they aren’t sleeping thru night yet , is freaking rude selfish oh n if it had been me downright bloody dangerous ! Demanding she gets up n slating her was cruel , op has a severe husband n his mummy issue big time , NTA but husband n monster in law is BIG TIME A HOLES ,
tameson 1 week ago
The YTA are insane. Did they miss the point where the OP said there were at least 15 occasions when this had happened, starting when she was 4 days PP? She had no obligation to play hostess to guests she had no idea were coming. On the other hand, the visitors most definitely had an obligation to ensure that their visit was known about in advance and welcome.
Ablaza Blue 1 week ago
That pulling of all sheets & blankets would have earned her a face punch & him divorce papers.
Anne Roberts 1 week ago
I HATE surprise visitors! When I was a new mom 40 years ago, I was lucky to have a chance to brush my hair or take a shower, let alone entertain surprise guests. My MIL did come to stay for a couple of weeks and she was a lifesaver! She was a retired nurse and I had never taken care of a baby, so she was awesome. I realize not all MILs are like that but OPs MIL and husband need to rethink their actions. A new mom is so tired, stressed, and often overwhelmed. People should be helping her, not expecting her to entertain them.
Neiti Luonnotar 1 week ago
Sounds like a case of postpartum burnout. That b***h calling her "lazy" several times over shows complete lack of knowledge, understanding, empathy and respect. The husband's the same, neither of them understand the situation. Having guest in a home with a new baby in three days after birth?! Reckless endangerment! The safety period is three months for the baby to be subjected to the germs adults carry with no risk to themselves. Why do women keep marrying into these families that suck! Just say no!
Nikki Sevven 3 weeks ago
The line was crossed when OP's husband allowed his mother to tag along to your private bedroom, then wake you up by manhandling you, then not speaking up when his mother tried to forcibly remove you from your bed. Ditch them both unless hubby wises up, because he's dead wrong.
Kate Johnson 3 weeks ago
I'm sorry, this husband is a completely worthless POS and the MIL is a clueless b***h. How dare he continue to pull that atrocious nonsense on his wife. I would tell him that he can sleep on the couch until he learns how to be a more considerate partner and consult a lawyer, in case he's too stupid to figure it out.
Vinnie 3 weeks ago (edited)
If online chats work, great. If the grandmother refuses them or still shows up without the OP being informed, that leaves her with trying to idiot-proof the situation. That could be: asking every 3 hours "Is your mother coming over?"; contacting his mother every 3 hours to ask "Are you coming over?" Imagine having to do that until the MIL goes wherever difficult people go in the afterlife.
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