Husband Writes Down Every Time His Wife Refused Him Sex, Sends Her An Email After She Leaves For A Work Trip

@ Lisa You have a woman who is going to the gym, telling her husband she feels gross, that she doesn't feel good. Sounds to me like she may be dealing with depression issues on top of a rigorous schedule. I've had to deal with this in my relationship with my husband. Unlike this douchebag, my husband recognized the issue and sat down with me to talk about it. I offered to let him see what my days were like by leaving for a few days and leaving him in control of the house and our autistic adult son while he maintained going to work. When I came back, he never complained again and said that he had no idea how exhausting it was for me until he was in complete control of everything. After that, he understood that if he wanted any "fun time" with me, it meant he had to pitch in and help around the house.

I'm just going to say this for Lisa: many of the times she was watching TV. The way the spreadsheet made it sound, he had already put distance between them so he wasn't spending time with her either. And after a long day of work, you want nothing more than to relax. And who knows, maybe she has a lower sex drive than her husband. That's fine, that just means their desires for sex don't line up. The sex drive between my husband and I don't line up, but he would never pull this b******t. That's what porn is for. Putting time-spending-initiation on her shoulders is not the solution. Especially with so much already there.What happened is the husband, clearly having issues with things going on to the point he had to put his Excel skills from High School to use, didn't sit down with his wife and tell her "we need to talk" ... You know, like a f*****g adult that values his marriage? Marriage is built on trust and communication, and it looks like Mr. Spreadsheet has neither of those skills.

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"His wife is doing everything for him..." LOL I don't think Bunzilla paid attention at all.

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how do you know he didn't try? you're getting her side of the story. and not once was her excuse for not having sex 'I'm tired from cleaning today'. she wasn't tired to go to the gym. maybe she should have taken one day off from the gym and spent quality time with her husband.

Not just can - it is. Silent treatment is textbook emotional abuse. He's cut her off from him completely, though temporarily, because he knows it will hurt her. Just a hunch based on his master-level passive-aggression, but I bet he answers her calls in a few days or more and blames the whole thing entirely on her. I'd honestly like to know how this turned out.

Nia, emotional manipulation with the intent of harming or controlling another person IS abuse. I fully agree that physical abuse is extremely serious, but emotional abuse is real and dangerous and also should not be minimized. It's pretty clear he's trying to do harm to her emotionally (cutting her off when she needs her wits about her, frequently insulting her weight) instead of talking about the issue like an adult. Hurting someone you "love" just because you think they "deserve" it is always abuse, whether physical or not.

Lisa- she isn’t giving him the silent treatment when watching her shows. She says to him, let me finish the show and then we can talk. She didn’t say she didn’t want to be physical with him. She said she has been working her a*s off and has been too tired and that the tapered off sex life is temporary. Her work load doubled when people got laid off. She has to do all of that work and then come home to cook, clean and do laundry. I don’t think it said how long ago her workload at work doubled. But if it is fairly recent, she has to get used to it and figure out how to balance workload and home duties so she isn’t so exhausted. If double the work was just one day dumped into your lap, you’re not gonna automatically know how to juggle it all so no one should expect her to know either.

To everyone downvoting, please educate yourselves on Narcissistic Abuse. Claiming that abusive behavior is only as you personally define it is unbelievably harmful and dangerous to countless men and women trapped in situations that have gone much further than the one described above.

His timing, and then refusing to answer after firing off his manifesto - really passive-aggressive and lame.

@ Nia Loves Art. Not abuse? So would you consider a mother that turns away from and ignores her child on purpose as someone who is not being abusive. It's emotional abuse. Abuse is an act in which one person, through their actions, seek to control another person. It does not have to be physical. it could be as simple as someone turning someone else away from normal emotional contact. Sex is not required to have a deep emotional connection to another person. And she was not getting up and leaving the room in front of him when she refused to have sex. I've read the excuses he wrote down. He's clearly missing the fact that she's suffering from depression. For him to miss that means he's putting his own needs above hers. After all, he married the love of his life..not a whore.

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Oh, please. He can't be silent but she can withhold intimacy? I don't think so. He's obviously very upset with the way she's been neglecting his needs.

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I would not call that abuse. It is petty and immature, but abuse is a serious thing that shouldn’t be minimized.

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how about the silent treatment she gives when her show is on? how about why did you marry someone you don't want to be physical with? how about if you feel gross, take a shower? how about just being honest and saying I'm not into you physically?

Maybe watching TV is the only "relax" time she ever gets.

Yea, BusLady, like I said, two people with separate lives just living together. If you'd rather relax watching TV than spending time with your significant other, what is the point of having gotten married in the first place?

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And it was a Friends rerun ffs......probably seen a hundred times already

Yeah I wouldn't be surprised. He probably said something and asked what was going on and she denied there was a problem. Or denied that it was as often as he was making it out to be. I've done the same for my husband.. he doesn't think something is as big if an issue until I bring the recorded evidence. It vice versa I thing something is happening more often than it is until he brings me the recorded evidence.

Yeah, I think the way he went about it was pretty ridiculous, but if he really was such a nice guy for so many years they were together, it must have built up to a point where he just snapped. As someone else said, if he started this sheet 7 weeks ago, it must have been happening long before that... and with only her testimony, we can't know if he really didn't actually try to talk to her about it many times before. We also don't know if she just didn't have sex with him all this time or if she was refusing any intimacy at all (like, also not cuddling, nor kissing nor anything). I don't think it's fair to judge *either* of them nor their relationship based on the information we have alone. There are always two sides to every story, and not necessarily any of them are right nor wrong.

Dude that is like the dictionary definition of passive aggressive behavior. He didn't give it to her, he sent it to her work email while she was on an important business trip and then rebuffed all her attempts to contact him and talk about it. Just out of curiosity, what do you consider passive aggressive?

@Todd, while I do agree that there are quite a few comments drawing wild conclusions based on what limited information we have, IMO Bumble's is not one of them. As I see it they are making observations rather than conclusions, and I agree completely with those observations, thus my enthusiasm to upvote. Also the term "k**b cheese" makes me laugh.

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Why? It's drawing conclusions based on one-sided evidence. She claims to do everything around the house, but does she? I'd like to know his side. This sounds like a desperation move, either a wakeup call for her or something he did once he knew he was leaving. Too little information to make a judgment. I'd downvote every sentence of Bumble's comment, and yours, if I could.

Bumble, don't bother. Lisa is a troll, most likely an incel, judging by the multiple irate, misogynist remarks.

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Too bad you didn't notice it only contained her side. She'd want to present herself as the victim and wholly in the right. Is she? We don't know.

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Based on what? We don't have his side. He might be planning on leaving, or it's a wakeup call for her - sounds like they've been in trouble for a while.

you'll get better