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Guy Oversleeps For Work, Loses It After Seeing That His Wife Didn’t Lift A Finger To Help Him With Lunch
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Guy Oversleeps For Work, Loses It After Seeing That His Wife Didn’t Lift A Finger To Help Him With Lunch

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Healthy personal boundaries are essential for thriving relationships. These clear-cut lines you set with the people close to you create mutual respect, strengthen your emotional health, and, let’s be honest, make life a heck of a lot easier. But as simple as all of this sounds on paper, navigating expectations from both partners can be difficult. Especially in some cases when loved ones test your limits by expecting you to break one of your rules.

A few months ago, a person who goes by Helpwithlunch on Reddit reached out to the AITA community after getting into a serious fight with his wife… over lunch. As the man detailed in the story, it all started with him waking up late for work. “It was completely my fault,” he immediately owned up to his mistake and asked his wife to pack him lunch as a favor so he could leave on time.

But when she responded with a sharp “no,” this left the user surprised and angry, encouraging him to ask the internet for perspective. Let’s see how this story unfolded, as well as how the community reacted, and then be sure to share your thoughts in the comments.

This man asked the internet for advice after getting into a fight with his wife, who refused to pack him lunch as a favor when he was running late for work

Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)

He later updated the post with a few details to clarify the story

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Image credits: Helpwithlunch

Even though every relationship manual (wait, is there such a thing?) tells us that setting healthy boundaries and clearly defining them is crucial between two partners, the responses to this story have been mixed. Some readers expressed that the author is definitely in the wrong here, some blamed both partners for finding themselves in this situation, and others sided with the man, saying that spouses should help in stressful moments.

According to social worker Karen Salerno, MSSA, LISW-S, healthy personal boundaries is the framework we set for ourselves on how we want to be treated by others and how we treat other people. Taking responsibility for your own actions and emotions while not feeling responsible for the actions and emotions of others promotes physical and emotional well-being, “and it respects your needs and the other person’s needs in a relationship.”

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The first step in setting these lines is knowing what you need to feel healthy, have good self-esteem, and retain your identity. “It’s important to set up healthy boundaries early on so that people know how to best communicate and interact with you,” Salerno told Cleveland Clinic. “You also want to make sure you follow through on your boundaries. If you don’t act on them, it may make it harder for other people to trust your boundary setting.”

Salerno pointed out that when it comes to romantic relationships, these boundaries help strengthen your bond by ensuring that your space and autonomy, as well as your partner’s, are respected.

Of course, as it happens in any long-term coupledom, things may change over time. You may decide that you no longer want to maintain these limits, or maybe your attitude toward them changes. In these cases, clear and honest communication is crucial before any minor annoyances begin to strain your relationship.

“As much as you know another person, you never 100% know what their thoughts are or what their comfort level is,” Salerno added. “Their boundaries and comfort level may shift based on what’s going on in their life, so it’s important to check in with your partner every now and then to confirm where they stand on certain topics and issues and learn if anything has changed for either of you.”

Bored Panda would love to hear your thoughts on this situation down below. Do you think it would have been kind of the wife to help her husband out? Or was he being unreasonable to ask his spouse to cross a boundary she firmly believes in? Feel free to share your opinions, as well as personal experiences, in the comments below!

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Readers responded with mixed reactions, with some saying that either both partners or the husband was at fault in this situation

And others have sided with the author, here’s what they had to say

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Ieva Gailiūtė

Ieva Gailiūtė

Writer, Community member

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Ieva is a writer at Bored Panda who graduated in Scandinavian studies from Vilnius University. After learning the Swedish language and getting completely lost in the world of Scandinavian mythology, she figured out that translating and writing is what she's passionate about. When not writing, Ieva enjoys making jewelry, going on hikes, reading and drinking coffee.

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Ieva Gailiūtė

Ieva Gailiūtė

Writer, Community member

Ieva is a writer at Bored Panda who graduated in Scandinavian studies from Vilnius University. After learning the Swedish language and getting completely lost in the world of Scandinavian mythology, she figured out that translating and writing is what she's passionate about. When not writing, Ieva enjoys making jewelry, going on hikes, reading and drinking coffee.

Mantas Kačerauskas

Mantas Kačerauskas

Author, BoredPanda staff

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As a Visual Editor at Bored Panda, I indulge in the joy of curating delightful content, from adorable pet photos to hilarious memes, all while nurturing my wanderlust and continuously seeking new adventures and interests—sometimes thrilling, sometimes daunting, but always exciting!

Read less »

Mantas Kačerauskas

Mantas Kačerauskas

Author, BoredPanda staff

As a Visual Editor at Bored Panda, I indulge in the joy of curating delightful content, from adorable pet photos to hilarious memes, all while nurturing my wanderlust and continuously seeking new adventures and interests—sometimes thrilling, sometimes daunting, but always exciting!

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rabitaille avatar
Paul Rabit
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What nonsense. Imagine being so petty that you would literally rather sit there and watch your partner struggle rather than help them out by making a frigging lunch because “tHaTs My bOuNdAry”. I’ve never heard of anything so utterly ridiculous. Marriage is a partnership - you help your partner out even if it is something you don’t want to/have to do.

katiestrong1270 avatar
K80.127
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I couldn't believe that people honestly thought he was TA. I'm astounded at how many people have such a petty mindset. When you're in a relationship, boundaries for something so petty SHOULD BE FLEXIBLE! For example: my hubby spent his whole childhood washing everyone's dishes so they had clean plates etc to eat off of. No one else in his home EVER did this. Knowing that, I have been the one to maintain the kitchen. I don't ask for help, he doesn't complain if it gets "behind". However, if I am sick, have had surgery, a bad day, etc- he does the dishes for me (he has other chores around the house that I *won't* do - change oil in card, take out trashes...). Part of being in a partnership is realizing your SO needs you and being there for them. TBH: I would have expected her to make the lunch without even being asked. Loving someone means putting them first when applicable- especially when it's something so small in the grand scheme of life.

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ryandelperdang avatar
Ryan Delperdang
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A lot of petty people on here. If my wife was in the same situation, even if we were fighting at the time, I would help her out. Because we are on the same team!! Oh...he said she does more housework...he said he does more yardwork. PETTY @SSH@LES IN HERE!!

j_maxx avatar
J. Maxx
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are a LOT of folks commenting who should NOT be married. Petty doesn't even begin to cover it. I'd say most of the commenters are quite immature also. I also notice quite a few of the women who posted read a lot more into what the OP posted than what was actually stated. I think folks need to re-evaluate their own relationships, remove the chips from their shoulders and realize, s**t happens (he overslept) and sometimes we do things we don't like (make a friggin lunch) cause we love our partners. That's how a healthy relationship works.

Load More Replies...
katebaker_2 avatar
madbakes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get what people are saying about boundaries. I also can't understand a marriage where one partner doesn't help the other in moments of stress. ESH.

benjaminploski avatar
Benjamin Ploski
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Boundaries, the two seen each other naked lol. If my wife ever needed help, I would and she would help me too.

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rabitaille avatar
Paul Rabit
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What nonsense. Imagine being so petty that you would literally rather sit there and watch your partner struggle rather than help them out by making a frigging lunch because “tHaTs My bOuNdAry”. I’ve never heard of anything so utterly ridiculous. Marriage is a partnership - you help your partner out even if it is something you don’t want to/have to do.

katiestrong1270 avatar
K80.127
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I couldn't believe that people honestly thought he was TA. I'm astounded at how many people have such a petty mindset. When you're in a relationship, boundaries for something so petty SHOULD BE FLEXIBLE! For example: my hubby spent his whole childhood washing everyone's dishes so they had clean plates etc to eat off of. No one else in his home EVER did this. Knowing that, I have been the one to maintain the kitchen. I don't ask for help, he doesn't complain if it gets "behind". However, if I am sick, have had surgery, a bad day, etc- he does the dishes for me (he has other chores around the house that I *won't* do - change oil in card, take out trashes...). Part of being in a partnership is realizing your SO needs you and being there for them. TBH: I would have expected her to make the lunch without even being asked. Loving someone means putting them first when applicable- especially when it's something so small in the grand scheme of life.

Load More Replies...
ryandelperdang avatar
Ryan Delperdang
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A lot of petty people on here. If my wife was in the same situation, even if we were fighting at the time, I would help her out. Because we are on the same team!! Oh...he said she does more housework...he said he does more yardwork. PETTY @SSH@LES IN HERE!!

j_maxx avatar
J. Maxx
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are a LOT of folks commenting who should NOT be married. Petty doesn't even begin to cover it. I'd say most of the commenters are quite immature also. I also notice quite a few of the women who posted read a lot more into what the OP posted than what was actually stated. I think folks need to re-evaluate their own relationships, remove the chips from their shoulders and realize, s**t happens (he overslept) and sometimes we do things we don't like (make a friggin lunch) cause we love our partners. That's how a healthy relationship works.

Load More Replies...
katebaker_2 avatar
madbakes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get what people are saying about boundaries. I also can't understand a marriage where one partner doesn't help the other in moments of stress. ESH.

benjaminploski avatar
Benjamin Ploski
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Boundaries, the two seen each other naked lol. If my wife ever needed help, I would and she would help me too.

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Load More Comments
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