Woman Explains Why Men Get Angry After She Orders A Non-Alcoholic Drink When They Offer To Buy Her One
Night clubs and bars are good places to have fun and meet new people. But we all know that strangers, no matter how good of a first impression they make, can sometimes be up to no good. Sadly, this means that instead of enjoying your night, you also should be vigilant of red flags to keep yourself safe from the stranger danger. There’s a Tumblr post which can help check if the person who offered to buy you an alcoholic drink has any ulterior motives. (Facebook cover image: TrishN)
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Image credits: light_seeker
After Jennifer Dziura shared her experience with men buying her drinks, one bartender backed her up by saying that he has seen things like that happening daily.
Dziura said that, in most cases, men don’t buy bar drinks for women out of courtesy, instead they do so to make them vulnerable and get their guard down.
For those who find it hard to believe, she offered a simple social experiment. Instead of accepting an alcoholic beverage, she said that a woman should agree to something else, for instance — food or a non-alcoholic drink. If he doesn’t accept her choice well, chances are his intentions were far from just being courteous.
The bartender shared a similar experience he noticed every night at his job, from 10 to 20 times per night to be exact. To help out, he offered some tips and dating rules on what to do when accepting a drink from someone and which drinks to choose to avoid getting drunk in a stranger’s company.
Image credits: justenoughfocus
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Share on FacebookThis is a little beside the point, but anyway. One of the most important things to learn in life, and among the most important things to teach our children, is the ability to say "no", or "no, thank you" and that you have a right to make up your own mind. Women used to be brought up to do what the father said, and to some extent this still holds true, but that does not mean that we have to extend the courtesy to whatever man comes along and offers to buy a drink, regardless of intentions. If you are taught to stand up for your right to say "no" then it will be much easier to not bend for whatever type of peer pressure.
Man gets a woman drunk to "get licky", but then co.plain about how all his dates just lay there. Sober women ENJOY sex, dude.
Those alcohol percentages are for the liquors used, not the actual drink with the mixer included.
Load More Replies...Men need to be taught to ACCEPT "no" from women. Or softer "nos". Too many women have died because guys don't accept "no" from a woman. This is NOT a misunderstanding because women are being indirect. Guys have no problem accrpting "no" from other men. Nor are they "awkward" around women. They just know women will get blamed. Teach men to listen. And other men need to call them on their b******t----which means listening to their female friends.Funny how guys only get "confused" in situations where they're trying borderline or outright predatory methods to get laid.
sure, as long as women accept "no" when they ask for our money and assets.
Load More Replies...Really not surprising and nothing new (besides maybe the cocktail recommendation, but I don't drink any alcohol anyway, so...). But I'm still glad for this article spreading awareness 👍
This type of behavior seems normal as not only is it often seen in real life, but also in TV series and movies. "Can I buy you a drink?" and the next minute there's a sex scene. It isn't common courtesy, it's trying to get "lucky," increase your chances of hitting on a woman/man. I don't drink alcohol either, I don't even go to bars and the such (I'm an at home hermit), but boy when I do get out, I see this EVERYWHERE.
Load More Replies...Am I the only one that thinks this is a big fat Duh. Did girls really think guys are buying them drinks to be nice?
No, but we'd like to be able to.
Load More Replies...All summed up in a TLDR lots of men are pieces of s**t trying to rape a drunk women
I never really thought about this, tbh. I've always assumed that men were pricks, etc, etc. It's been a dogs age since I was in the bar scene, (I've been married for 17 years), but I met my Wife in a pub, and we talked about what I said back then, she said I told her I was having a drink, and would she care to join me, and we went to the bar together to get what she wanted. I've never had that hunter/prey mentality with Women, and I guess I never really paid attention, very sad that Men do this.
I feel like it should say "some men" I know lots of men who do not behave this way.
It literally says about 50% of men do it, that's the same as saying "some men".
Load More Replies...Buying a drink for someone you're interested in talking to is simply normal social protocol. Consider how unusual one would come off if they approached a woman in a crowded bar with, "Hi there, can I buy you an order of fries?" Or perhaps, "You look nice tonight, would you like a diet coke?" As a guy, I've never considered that my intent in buying a woman a drink is to "loosen her up," so to speak. Furthermore, it is outright sexist to assume that women somehow incapable of making their own decisions! They are free to request whatever they like, but I don't see myself trying either of the above lines anytime soon. Contrary to this article's assertion, most men aren't sexual predators. (Though I'm not sure I can say the same for the bartender who suggested that drinks contain 20% or more alcohol are "light".)
You sound like a very nice guy Travis and I'm sure you are not the only guy who isn't trying to loosen the girl up. However, there is a large number of guys who do this very thing.
Load More Replies...you know, I bought a lot of women drinks. Alcoholic AND not. This may be true, but to be honest you should probably check if the guy really is after getting you drunk or is just being cordial. Some definitely are not out to do the right thing, but don't punish an innocent man just being nice and wanting to get to know you. So maybe ask for that non-alcoholic drink. If they respond poorly leave immediately. If not, maybe you found someone who really isn't after taking advantage...
I'm happily engaged to a woman who did this. I was impressed by her sense of humor when she ordered a "virgin screwdriver". We laughed ourselves silly, and haven't been apart since. This article is a sad reality, but a fantastic reminder to the ladies of the world. Predators don't laugh, share, or love. My method was what she says got her attention. I introduced myself, and then I offered, "What would you like?"
I was at a work Christmas party one time and a co-workers husband was rather tipsy and kept trying to buy me a drink. I don't drink because quite frankly I am not a really nice person when alcohol is added. I know this and therefore stay away from drinking. I politely said no than you several times, finally I'd had enough, I asked the bartender what was the most expensive drink he made and ordered that. After he paid for the drink I looked him in the eye and said "thank you for buying me a drink" left it sitting on the bar and walked away. I just don't know why people can't accept that not everyone drinks.
I once went on a blind date in a bar that did not go well. I ordered one of the jumbo cocktails and so did my date. Unfortunately for him, I handled the alcohol a lot better than him and he went from nice to disgusting pretty quick. At the end of the date we parted ways and he drunkenly complained that the date would have ended diffrerently, if my drink had contained more alcohol. Dude, I had one of the strongest cocktails on offer. If that didn't help your case, even roofies would probably not have worked. There was no second date, obviously.
People become either salty, hyped or just stay the same when it comes to alcohol.
Load More Replies...Consider me harsh but these people deserve to be ostracized. Everyone knows that drunk people cannot give real consent to sex and these people are deliberately trying to make someone so drunk they're unable to give a fully conscious response. That is rape. These people are rapists in waiting and deserve the worst.
so, what happens if both parties are equally drunk? Who's to blame then?
Load More Replies...I worked at a bar in the 90s when rufies first emerged on the Denver scene. A woman came in alone. Ten minutes later two were hauling her limp body and lolling head out to their car in the parking lot. I told them to stop and they wouldn't. I jumped in my car and pulled in front of them. They backed up, I turned and rammed their car with mine (they had a new Audi, I had a rusty Volvo). They stopped and pulled her out, I walked over to her and they sped off. Fortunately someone got their license plate. An ambulance took her to the hospital. I ended up in court because I rammed their car. The judge came outside to look at the damage, then we went in and he produced the police report about the drugging. He gaveled and awarded me $1000. One of the guys objected and he gaveled and shouted $3000! They objected and he raised it to $5000. They shut up. When they appeared for the drugging trial, they each got 30 days in jail and a year's probation. The woman didn't remember anything.
Bars are not a great place to meet people if you're looking for a relationship and not a hookup. I was a bartender for almost 10 years and never saw one long time relationship happen due to someone offering to buy a drink. Accepting a drink from a guy is the old school version of swiping right.
Without disputing the claim, and with empathy for those of you that have to deal with that bull s**t, can I add that not every guy is looking to take advantage of you or intoxicate you, some of us are just nervous/intimidated and are trying to find a way to start a conversation with someone they're interested with, and an non alcoholic drink or some food would be equally as effective for that. If she'd replied to me with those options, I'd just be happy that I hadn't been instantly rejected.
Can confirm. Sadly. And seriously, do NOT leave your drinks unattended for even one second, keep that thing in your hand at all times! I even keep my other hand over my drink to be extra safe. It's amazing how many people will just let a guy carry an unconscious girl out of someplace without a single question. I know sometimes, maybe even most of the time, it really is her friend/brother/boyfriend, but what if it isn't? How would you even check?
Remenber one date. They ask IF i drink and i answer "anytime but the bottle must be open in front of me". First they laught then they think about how it's a essential safety measure
yeah, now go tell that to the bartender operating a faucet, lol.
Load More Replies...Dating as a woman is a perilous venture. You know logically that most men are neutral to well-intentioned, but there are enough men out there that make dating a hazard. You never know what will lead to your death, your beating, your rape, and so must be on guard at all times. Then men wonder why we're so uptight. Before you write this article off as ridiculous, consider that in order to survive, we must presume all men are predatory, until proven otherwise.
"Do you want to go for a drink sometime?" is page 1 of the script of basic dating for at least the past 100 years, and now it's a red flag for spotting predators? Speaking as an insecure guy, I just became even more nervous about trying to talk to any girl, lest she think I'm a rapist. Thanks, BP. :\
Troux, the post is NOT about a man asking a woman out for a drink, quite the opposite. It is about when a man offers a drink to a woman that he DOES NOT KNOW. If that woman accepts the drink but wants a non-alcoholic one and the man gets annoyed by this, well, then what he wanted was to get her drunk. See, this is not man-hating, this may even be life-saving. Practically all men are great guys, but quite a few need to learn better communication manners and there are some that are real predators. They are the ones we need to weed out to keep going out for a drink a nice experience.
Load More Replies...this is stupid.... no one is standing by not saying anything when some dude is sayin "maker her drinks stronger, i am trying to get lucky," dude would get crucified, especially in today's atmosphere. Second the reason it is easy to offer a drink in a bar is bc generally people are already drinking, and you know they will need another drink, so its an easy way to get permission to strike up a conversation for a few. I have never bought a girl a drink with the explicit intention of getting her drunk to make her "easier". Generally in the bar scene everyone does a pretty good job of lowering their inhibitions on their own. Another shame the men post, so typical of this sight.
Another 'I've never done this so it must not happen' argument. Bye Danimal.
Load More Replies...Isn't it a big generalization to say that men only pay a woman a drink to have an advantage? In my case, most men who paid me or tried to buy me drinks always asked what I would like to drink. lucky?! I don't think so.
Same here. About 10 years ago I went to clubs a lot with some friends, but I had a medical condition that required light diet and no alcohol. So I just explained that I can't drink to whoever offered to buy me something and said I can have something non-alcoholic. No issues, just gave them a topic to start a conversation and ask why I can't drink.
Load More Replies...I'm wondering how many great love relationships, families, children was born from situations where men bought alcoholic drinks for women (yes, for making her feel better, feel less stressed with all its side-effects) and those women intentionally accepted this, because they wanted to be less stressful and wanted to feel good. Now you're telling women not to do this, test men, because that's just a horrifing trap? :) Come on, that's why we have been producing spirits for everyone for that many years. To feel less stress and be a bit more open with others at least for that night.
Aren't we supposed to know this already ? It's kinda sad that it still needs to be said (and that it still happens)
“Getting lucky”? The trauma so severe that cause some women to commit suicide? Lucky? Men are su+h sociopaths.
So many people debating about "just saying no"... the whole thread of this starts with the fact that men are getting angry because the women are saying yes to a drink, but not the alcohol. OP states that even if you act interested, but request food or non-alcoholic drink, the guys are getting mad. This problem is with predatory men, and not women's ability or inability to say no.
Mind as well not going to bars all together. If you don't want One Night Stands, unhealthy relationships or dangerous situations.
We are at a point in society where women have the right to say NO and men just need to accept it. If a man gets enraged because a woman doesn't want a drink from him, that's a clue that the woman needs to get away from him. If a guy has good intentions, he won't get upset about a woman refusing something he offered. However, there is a lot of pressure on women to say yes, just to keep the guy from getting mad. We need to teach our girls it's okay to say no and our boys to accept that as an answer.
Full of lies - women who accept alcoholic drinks do usually know very well what is behind. All my life I despise such men and women playing such simple games with each other - most women pretend so very much that it is very disgusting. To see it on a deeper level is even much more amazing but that is way to high for 99 % of us. There is almost nobody around who is able to deal with eros in a ripe way
scam the a******s : frequent bar. befriend waiter. strike up a deal. get waiter make black tea on the night you come in in case strangers offer to buy a drink. say your drink is gin or anything of that color. sip tea and split the price with the waiter.
And ladies. I've heard the things you say about the men your taking advantage of by making him pay and wait. It sounds like a locker room. I can understand, but I think we should not stoop to the level of the guys who should have been taught by example. Demand better. And be better than this hideous and dangerous game. It's just got to stop. Scholarships, money, future. Take everything from these predatory guys. I get bored just hearing the same old c**p. Get over yourself. Risk being more than than appendage between your legs. It is just so over. Brains and a sense of humor gets me hotter than the worn out lines I heard in the 8th grade. And ever since.
My thanks to the men that are aware of this c**p. I wonder if all you nice guys ever realized , these guys make it so hard to not be looked at by us women as just another "incoming, prepare to fire" guy, in a long list of men who act like they are in their first year of high school. It's high time the good guys get mad. If you are with friends who act like cave men, hit the over the head with their club and tell him To knock it off. Like the bartender who has seen it all and heard it all, so have women. Since the day Adam gave that rib to have a mate. And he started blaming her they were naked and men have tried to get women naked ever since. It's time women were treated with the same respect men demand. And guys, it's up to you as well to end this drugging and getting lucky mentality. I can think of nothing more pathetic and sick then a man who has to do this. Epstein and Weinstein and every one of you guys are not worth a cheap drink. I'll buy you one to go away.
"in most cases, men don’t buy drinks for women out of courtesy" surprise, surprise... - Women need to accept that men are not walking wallets. Of course offering a random stranger a free drink is with the hope of getting lucky, don't be naive. That being said, surely the intent of drugging someone up is totally not right. - Also, I can understand that demanding food instead of a drink offered comes across like a gold digger, not everybody knows the prices of food off their head.
A few of my male friends don't drink alcohol. They've been in tons of situations where they've offered to buy a woman a drink and when they ordered their non-alcoholic drink, the women ripped them to shreds for being a total pussy and completely embarrass them. Or as the kids these days say, completely shamed them. Just because they choose not to drink. Women aren't untouchable mystical creatures who can do no wrong you know.
I offered once in my life a drink to a girl - it was a coke and she refused it. We are married for 22 years now :-)
I don't know any man who would be mad if it's a non-alcohol drink. I don't think most men are as predatory as she makes out.
I can see guys getting annoyed when the girls totally switches things up. Imagine being in someone's house and they say "Are you thirsty? Can I get you a drink?" and you say "How about an apple with peanut butter?". This is no different. If you're offered a beverage, take a beverage. Any beverage. Don't switch it up entirely though because that can absolutely come across to some guys as you taking advantage of the situation.
How does someone asking to pass the peanuts come off as taking advantage while someone asking for a pina colada doesn't? If some men take offense at that, it can look as if they only want to loosen up a woman for a one-night stand. By the way, nothing wrong with one-night stands, but a woman looking for that won't need to get drunk for that.
Load More Replies...It IS dangerous to generalize men like that though. I don't drink alcohol (i'm an alcoholic) so if someone wants to buy me a drink (rarely happens because i buy my own drinks) i just say "yes, thank you i'll have a (insert non-alcoholic drink)please". Never ever had any issues with that. (And yes i've slept with some of them but not because i was drunk but because it is a sign that they are in to you. Its common knowledge.) Sure, its great to not trust strangers just like that but to say its ONLY men... yes because all men just want to sleep with you and all women just want to make friends because they would never ever have sex on their brains.
It's good you still get a beverage though. I can see totally guys getting irritated when the woman totally switches it up and orders a ham on rye. I didn't say "Hey, get anything you want in this price range" I said "Can I buy you a drink?". Option A seems like taking advantage of the situation.
Load More Replies...What does a woman on her own looking for at a bar? 99% are hoping to find mister right! Who can pay for her drink, the first date, the second, buy her nice gifts, clothes, the rent/mortgage, a diamant ring, a car, her whole life! It's woman-logic to search for a men in a place where people get wasted. It's not that men buy woman drinks to let het guard down. Its because woman expect men to buy them drinks!
This definitely happens but I still believe it is the minority. Myself and friends have bought many drinks for women over the years and had no ulterior motive other than to get to talk to them. If the guy gets angry, consider yourself lucky for dodging an a*****e and move on. There are plenty of nice guys out there too, save your time for them.
Canadian novelist Margaret Atwood once asked a male friend why men feel threatened by women. He replied, "They are afraid women will laugh at them." She then asked a group of women why they feel threatened by men. They answered, "We're afraid of being killed."
Good that perceived risk and reality don't match.
Load More Replies...Men get mad when you order an non alcoholic drink because they just spent 15 bucks on some fruit juice
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Load More Replies...But im sorry..your a stranger at a bar..the standard norm at a bar is to walk up and buy the woman a drink to break the ice. Women rarely buy their own,spend their own money. It gives people an excuse to talk.. And no 1 drink doesnt make you drunk nor unable to say no
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Load More Replies...Why not say no.thank you. ..this article treats every male as a sexual preditor or rapist..if your that afraid of that gender or the effects of alcohol...then why are you in a bar again..you do realise your in a place that sells alcohol and has male customers that have been drinking..
I know, right? It's ridiculous. Of course don't drink anything that's been out of your sight and all that because although rare, roofies are a thing. Beyond that, just use your common sense. The worst are girls that will accept drinks and flirt with a guy all night long, then get shocked when he's like WTF? when she's like "Nope, I'm just going home. Peace!"
Load More Replies...I can't drink but I really like this post, I actually never knew this was a man's intent but I do now! Though I'd never accept alcohol from a stranger (even when I could drink). All in all, I'm just glad this post is out there to educate us
Don't believe everything on the internet! Then you will be poorly educated. It is not the intent of most men! Oh dear god what am I trying?.. just believe everything you read..
Load More Replies...Surprise surprise.... Another post/story that paints all men as predators. Surprised that "white male" wasn't mentioned as well. And no, I'm not saying that there aren't guys out there like that, but I'd bet it is the exception rather than the rule.
Oh look another, "I'm a victim!" story. Pah-lease. Sister, 15 years single and I never went to those trash claps.Everyone knows what you are getting into when you go to those places. They are designed for cheap hookups. You don't go to McDonald's and complain about their lack of organic options. So why would you go to bars and then b***h when everyone is doing exactly what it was designed to do? I found my husband and many friends without setting foot in bars and nightclubs, it can be done.
I go to clubs to dance because I like dancing, not to get a husband or even a date there :))). I go to clubs with my friends and try to have a good time. It's sad to see that a woman would not understand that wherever you are and whatever you are dressed with and however drunk or whatever you are, you deserve to be safe.
Load More Replies...Or you could just say no...this poster acts like these women are cornered in some dark alley..it's a b-a-r.. your an adult...use your verbal skill set and say no thank you..but if you'd like to talk you can sit down. Stop acting like all men are rapist
Women do not know whether or not the man that they said no to will follow them out of the bar and kidnap, rape or murder them. This is a very real situation that women have to be aware of. It’s not about acting like all men are rapists. Do you think it is enjoyable for women to have to worry about things like this? You think women don’t want to be able to trust men to not do this? Most women have had a man react aggressively towards her after she told him no. If you can’t put yourself in a woman’s shoes to understand this then you’re clearly putting your head in the sand on purpose.
Load More Replies...Alcohol affects people differently.. I can drink alot of vodka and it doesn't turn me into rapey mcrapey...nor did it lower my inhibitions to ever turn someone down.. If this woman is drinking non alcoholic drinks in a bar...then why is she in a bar again..why isn't she meeting meeting men in places where alcohol isnt served
Perhaps her friends are drinking and she is out with them. Or Perhaps, she is an adult woman who has the right to be there whether she is drinking or not. She is more than a potential opportunity, she's a person.
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Load More Replies...I think this is a little over dramatic. If someone offers to buy you a drink at a bar it's not a secret that alcohol is implied and the effects of alcohol are not a secret. Short of putting something in your drink, this is not overly predatory. Some one offering to buy you a drink usually means they are interested in you, and possibly interested in sleeping with you.... again, not a hidden agenda.
No kidding. Like most articles on this site, it was written to garner a large number of views, not to provide practical advice or an actual commentary on how the average man thinks. Contrary to this article's insinuation, adult women are ADULTS, and are just as capable at making their own decisions as adult men. To suggest otherwise is perhaps even more sexist than suggesting that every man who offers a woman a drink is a sexual predator. (Note: first comment was deleted as this site's "edit" function is broken.)
Load More Replies.......duh. Why else would a man buy a woman a drink. Ladies, he wants to bang you. Maybe you want to bang him, maybe not, but he’s playing a numbers game. This is not new.
Suzi, suzu, suzi, suzi... Suzi Gauthier, of course we all want a sexslave. But those magazines of yours.. you don't really believe those do you? Those are just to entertain woman.. with b*llsh*t!
Load More Replies...Read a history book. Men have NEVER been more gentlemanly. Find out how men treated women back in the day and then thank your lucky stars it's 2019.
Load More Replies...This is a little beside the point, but anyway. One of the most important things to learn in life, and among the most important things to teach our children, is the ability to say "no", or "no, thank you" and that you have a right to make up your own mind. Women used to be brought up to do what the father said, and to some extent this still holds true, but that does not mean that we have to extend the courtesy to whatever man comes along and offers to buy a drink, regardless of intentions. If you are taught to stand up for your right to say "no" then it will be much easier to not bend for whatever type of peer pressure.
Man gets a woman drunk to "get licky", but then co.plain about how all his dates just lay there. Sober women ENJOY sex, dude.
Those alcohol percentages are for the liquors used, not the actual drink with the mixer included.
Load More Replies...Men need to be taught to ACCEPT "no" from women. Or softer "nos". Too many women have died because guys don't accept "no" from a woman. This is NOT a misunderstanding because women are being indirect. Guys have no problem accrpting "no" from other men. Nor are they "awkward" around women. They just know women will get blamed. Teach men to listen. And other men need to call them on their b******t----which means listening to their female friends.Funny how guys only get "confused" in situations where they're trying borderline or outright predatory methods to get laid.
sure, as long as women accept "no" when they ask for our money and assets.
Load More Replies...Really not surprising and nothing new (besides maybe the cocktail recommendation, but I don't drink any alcohol anyway, so...). But I'm still glad for this article spreading awareness 👍
This type of behavior seems normal as not only is it often seen in real life, but also in TV series and movies. "Can I buy you a drink?" and the next minute there's a sex scene. It isn't common courtesy, it's trying to get "lucky," increase your chances of hitting on a woman/man. I don't drink alcohol either, I don't even go to bars and the such (I'm an at home hermit), but boy when I do get out, I see this EVERYWHERE.
Load More Replies...Am I the only one that thinks this is a big fat Duh. Did girls really think guys are buying them drinks to be nice?
No, but we'd like to be able to.
Load More Replies...All summed up in a TLDR lots of men are pieces of s**t trying to rape a drunk women
I never really thought about this, tbh. I've always assumed that men were pricks, etc, etc. It's been a dogs age since I was in the bar scene, (I've been married for 17 years), but I met my Wife in a pub, and we talked about what I said back then, she said I told her I was having a drink, and would she care to join me, and we went to the bar together to get what she wanted. I've never had that hunter/prey mentality with Women, and I guess I never really paid attention, very sad that Men do this.
I feel like it should say "some men" I know lots of men who do not behave this way.
It literally says about 50% of men do it, that's the same as saying "some men".
Load More Replies...Buying a drink for someone you're interested in talking to is simply normal social protocol. Consider how unusual one would come off if they approached a woman in a crowded bar with, "Hi there, can I buy you an order of fries?" Or perhaps, "You look nice tonight, would you like a diet coke?" As a guy, I've never considered that my intent in buying a woman a drink is to "loosen her up," so to speak. Furthermore, it is outright sexist to assume that women somehow incapable of making their own decisions! They are free to request whatever they like, but I don't see myself trying either of the above lines anytime soon. Contrary to this article's assertion, most men aren't sexual predators. (Though I'm not sure I can say the same for the bartender who suggested that drinks contain 20% or more alcohol are "light".)
You sound like a very nice guy Travis and I'm sure you are not the only guy who isn't trying to loosen the girl up. However, there is a large number of guys who do this very thing.
Load More Replies...you know, I bought a lot of women drinks. Alcoholic AND not. This may be true, but to be honest you should probably check if the guy really is after getting you drunk or is just being cordial. Some definitely are not out to do the right thing, but don't punish an innocent man just being nice and wanting to get to know you. So maybe ask for that non-alcoholic drink. If they respond poorly leave immediately. If not, maybe you found someone who really isn't after taking advantage...
I'm happily engaged to a woman who did this. I was impressed by her sense of humor when she ordered a "virgin screwdriver". We laughed ourselves silly, and haven't been apart since. This article is a sad reality, but a fantastic reminder to the ladies of the world. Predators don't laugh, share, or love. My method was what she says got her attention. I introduced myself, and then I offered, "What would you like?"
I was at a work Christmas party one time and a co-workers husband was rather tipsy and kept trying to buy me a drink. I don't drink because quite frankly I am not a really nice person when alcohol is added. I know this and therefore stay away from drinking. I politely said no than you several times, finally I'd had enough, I asked the bartender what was the most expensive drink he made and ordered that. After he paid for the drink I looked him in the eye and said "thank you for buying me a drink" left it sitting on the bar and walked away. I just don't know why people can't accept that not everyone drinks.
I once went on a blind date in a bar that did not go well. I ordered one of the jumbo cocktails and so did my date. Unfortunately for him, I handled the alcohol a lot better than him and he went from nice to disgusting pretty quick. At the end of the date we parted ways and he drunkenly complained that the date would have ended diffrerently, if my drink had contained more alcohol. Dude, I had one of the strongest cocktails on offer. If that didn't help your case, even roofies would probably not have worked. There was no second date, obviously.
People become either salty, hyped or just stay the same when it comes to alcohol.
Load More Replies...Consider me harsh but these people deserve to be ostracized. Everyone knows that drunk people cannot give real consent to sex and these people are deliberately trying to make someone so drunk they're unable to give a fully conscious response. That is rape. These people are rapists in waiting and deserve the worst.
so, what happens if both parties are equally drunk? Who's to blame then?
Load More Replies...I worked at a bar in the 90s when rufies first emerged on the Denver scene. A woman came in alone. Ten minutes later two were hauling her limp body and lolling head out to their car in the parking lot. I told them to stop and they wouldn't. I jumped in my car and pulled in front of them. They backed up, I turned and rammed their car with mine (they had a new Audi, I had a rusty Volvo). They stopped and pulled her out, I walked over to her and they sped off. Fortunately someone got their license plate. An ambulance took her to the hospital. I ended up in court because I rammed their car. The judge came outside to look at the damage, then we went in and he produced the police report about the drugging. He gaveled and awarded me $1000. One of the guys objected and he gaveled and shouted $3000! They objected and he raised it to $5000. They shut up. When they appeared for the drugging trial, they each got 30 days in jail and a year's probation. The woman didn't remember anything.
Bars are not a great place to meet people if you're looking for a relationship and not a hookup. I was a bartender for almost 10 years and never saw one long time relationship happen due to someone offering to buy a drink. Accepting a drink from a guy is the old school version of swiping right.
Without disputing the claim, and with empathy for those of you that have to deal with that bull s**t, can I add that not every guy is looking to take advantage of you or intoxicate you, some of us are just nervous/intimidated and are trying to find a way to start a conversation with someone they're interested with, and an non alcoholic drink or some food would be equally as effective for that. If she'd replied to me with those options, I'd just be happy that I hadn't been instantly rejected.
Can confirm. Sadly. And seriously, do NOT leave your drinks unattended for even one second, keep that thing in your hand at all times! I even keep my other hand over my drink to be extra safe. It's amazing how many people will just let a guy carry an unconscious girl out of someplace without a single question. I know sometimes, maybe even most of the time, it really is her friend/brother/boyfriend, but what if it isn't? How would you even check?
Remenber one date. They ask IF i drink and i answer "anytime but the bottle must be open in front of me". First they laught then they think about how it's a essential safety measure
yeah, now go tell that to the bartender operating a faucet, lol.
Load More Replies...Dating as a woman is a perilous venture. You know logically that most men are neutral to well-intentioned, but there are enough men out there that make dating a hazard. You never know what will lead to your death, your beating, your rape, and so must be on guard at all times. Then men wonder why we're so uptight. Before you write this article off as ridiculous, consider that in order to survive, we must presume all men are predatory, until proven otherwise.
"Do you want to go for a drink sometime?" is page 1 of the script of basic dating for at least the past 100 years, and now it's a red flag for spotting predators? Speaking as an insecure guy, I just became even more nervous about trying to talk to any girl, lest she think I'm a rapist. Thanks, BP. :\
Troux, the post is NOT about a man asking a woman out for a drink, quite the opposite. It is about when a man offers a drink to a woman that he DOES NOT KNOW. If that woman accepts the drink but wants a non-alcoholic one and the man gets annoyed by this, well, then what he wanted was to get her drunk. See, this is not man-hating, this may even be life-saving. Practically all men are great guys, but quite a few need to learn better communication manners and there are some that are real predators. They are the ones we need to weed out to keep going out for a drink a nice experience.
Load More Replies...this is stupid.... no one is standing by not saying anything when some dude is sayin "maker her drinks stronger, i am trying to get lucky," dude would get crucified, especially in today's atmosphere. Second the reason it is easy to offer a drink in a bar is bc generally people are already drinking, and you know they will need another drink, so its an easy way to get permission to strike up a conversation for a few. I have never bought a girl a drink with the explicit intention of getting her drunk to make her "easier". Generally in the bar scene everyone does a pretty good job of lowering their inhibitions on their own. Another shame the men post, so typical of this sight.
Another 'I've never done this so it must not happen' argument. Bye Danimal.
Load More Replies...Isn't it a big generalization to say that men only pay a woman a drink to have an advantage? In my case, most men who paid me or tried to buy me drinks always asked what I would like to drink. lucky?! I don't think so.
Same here. About 10 years ago I went to clubs a lot with some friends, but I had a medical condition that required light diet and no alcohol. So I just explained that I can't drink to whoever offered to buy me something and said I can have something non-alcoholic. No issues, just gave them a topic to start a conversation and ask why I can't drink.
Load More Replies...I'm wondering how many great love relationships, families, children was born from situations where men bought alcoholic drinks for women (yes, for making her feel better, feel less stressed with all its side-effects) and those women intentionally accepted this, because they wanted to be less stressful and wanted to feel good. Now you're telling women not to do this, test men, because that's just a horrifing trap? :) Come on, that's why we have been producing spirits for everyone for that many years. To feel less stress and be a bit more open with others at least for that night.
Aren't we supposed to know this already ? It's kinda sad that it still needs to be said (and that it still happens)
“Getting lucky”? The trauma so severe that cause some women to commit suicide? Lucky? Men are su+h sociopaths.
So many people debating about "just saying no"... the whole thread of this starts with the fact that men are getting angry because the women are saying yes to a drink, but not the alcohol. OP states that even if you act interested, but request food or non-alcoholic drink, the guys are getting mad. This problem is with predatory men, and not women's ability or inability to say no.
Mind as well not going to bars all together. If you don't want One Night Stands, unhealthy relationships or dangerous situations.
We are at a point in society where women have the right to say NO and men just need to accept it. If a man gets enraged because a woman doesn't want a drink from him, that's a clue that the woman needs to get away from him. If a guy has good intentions, he won't get upset about a woman refusing something he offered. However, there is a lot of pressure on women to say yes, just to keep the guy from getting mad. We need to teach our girls it's okay to say no and our boys to accept that as an answer.
Full of lies - women who accept alcoholic drinks do usually know very well what is behind. All my life I despise such men and women playing such simple games with each other - most women pretend so very much that it is very disgusting. To see it on a deeper level is even much more amazing but that is way to high for 99 % of us. There is almost nobody around who is able to deal with eros in a ripe way
scam the a******s : frequent bar. befriend waiter. strike up a deal. get waiter make black tea on the night you come in in case strangers offer to buy a drink. say your drink is gin or anything of that color. sip tea and split the price with the waiter.
And ladies. I've heard the things you say about the men your taking advantage of by making him pay and wait. It sounds like a locker room. I can understand, but I think we should not stoop to the level of the guys who should have been taught by example. Demand better. And be better than this hideous and dangerous game. It's just got to stop. Scholarships, money, future. Take everything from these predatory guys. I get bored just hearing the same old c**p. Get over yourself. Risk being more than than appendage between your legs. It is just so over. Brains and a sense of humor gets me hotter than the worn out lines I heard in the 8th grade. And ever since.
My thanks to the men that are aware of this c**p. I wonder if all you nice guys ever realized , these guys make it so hard to not be looked at by us women as just another "incoming, prepare to fire" guy, in a long list of men who act like they are in their first year of high school. It's high time the good guys get mad. If you are with friends who act like cave men, hit the over the head with their club and tell him To knock it off. Like the bartender who has seen it all and heard it all, so have women. Since the day Adam gave that rib to have a mate. And he started blaming her they were naked and men have tried to get women naked ever since. It's time women were treated with the same respect men demand. And guys, it's up to you as well to end this drugging and getting lucky mentality. I can think of nothing more pathetic and sick then a man who has to do this. Epstein and Weinstein and every one of you guys are not worth a cheap drink. I'll buy you one to go away.
"in most cases, men don’t buy drinks for women out of courtesy" surprise, surprise... - Women need to accept that men are not walking wallets. Of course offering a random stranger a free drink is with the hope of getting lucky, don't be naive. That being said, surely the intent of drugging someone up is totally not right. - Also, I can understand that demanding food instead of a drink offered comes across like a gold digger, not everybody knows the prices of food off their head.
A few of my male friends don't drink alcohol. They've been in tons of situations where they've offered to buy a woman a drink and when they ordered their non-alcoholic drink, the women ripped them to shreds for being a total pussy and completely embarrass them. Or as the kids these days say, completely shamed them. Just because they choose not to drink. Women aren't untouchable mystical creatures who can do no wrong you know.
I offered once in my life a drink to a girl - it was a coke and she refused it. We are married for 22 years now :-)
I don't know any man who would be mad if it's a non-alcohol drink. I don't think most men are as predatory as she makes out.
I can see guys getting annoyed when the girls totally switches things up. Imagine being in someone's house and they say "Are you thirsty? Can I get you a drink?" and you say "How about an apple with peanut butter?". This is no different. If you're offered a beverage, take a beverage. Any beverage. Don't switch it up entirely though because that can absolutely come across to some guys as you taking advantage of the situation.
How does someone asking to pass the peanuts come off as taking advantage while someone asking for a pina colada doesn't? If some men take offense at that, it can look as if they only want to loosen up a woman for a one-night stand. By the way, nothing wrong with one-night stands, but a woman looking for that won't need to get drunk for that.
Load More Replies...It IS dangerous to generalize men like that though. I don't drink alcohol (i'm an alcoholic) so if someone wants to buy me a drink (rarely happens because i buy my own drinks) i just say "yes, thank you i'll have a (insert non-alcoholic drink)please". Never ever had any issues with that. (And yes i've slept with some of them but not because i was drunk but because it is a sign that they are in to you. Its common knowledge.) Sure, its great to not trust strangers just like that but to say its ONLY men... yes because all men just want to sleep with you and all women just want to make friends because they would never ever have sex on their brains.
It's good you still get a beverage though. I can see totally guys getting irritated when the woman totally switches it up and orders a ham on rye. I didn't say "Hey, get anything you want in this price range" I said "Can I buy you a drink?". Option A seems like taking advantage of the situation.
Load More Replies...What does a woman on her own looking for at a bar? 99% are hoping to find mister right! Who can pay for her drink, the first date, the second, buy her nice gifts, clothes, the rent/mortgage, a diamant ring, a car, her whole life! It's woman-logic to search for a men in a place where people get wasted. It's not that men buy woman drinks to let het guard down. Its because woman expect men to buy them drinks!
This definitely happens but I still believe it is the minority. Myself and friends have bought many drinks for women over the years and had no ulterior motive other than to get to talk to them. If the guy gets angry, consider yourself lucky for dodging an a*****e and move on. There are plenty of nice guys out there too, save your time for them.
Canadian novelist Margaret Atwood once asked a male friend why men feel threatened by women. He replied, "They are afraid women will laugh at them." She then asked a group of women why they feel threatened by men. They answered, "We're afraid of being killed."
Good that perceived risk and reality don't match.
Load More Replies...Men get mad when you order an non alcoholic drink because they just spent 15 bucks on some fruit juice
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Load More Replies...But im sorry..your a stranger at a bar..the standard norm at a bar is to walk up and buy the woman a drink to break the ice. Women rarely buy their own,spend their own money. It gives people an excuse to talk.. And no 1 drink doesnt make you drunk nor unable to say no
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Load More Replies...Why not say no.thank you. ..this article treats every male as a sexual preditor or rapist..if your that afraid of that gender or the effects of alcohol...then why are you in a bar again..you do realise your in a place that sells alcohol and has male customers that have been drinking..
I know, right? It's ridiculous. Of course don't drink anything that's been out of your sight and all that because although rare, roofies are a thing. Beyond that, just use your common sense. The worst are girls that will accept drinks and flirt with a guy all night long, then get shocked when he's like WTF? when she's like "Nope, I'm just going home. Peace!"
Load More Replies...I can't drink but I really like this post, I actually never knew this was a man's intent but I do now! Though I'd never accept alcohol from a stranger (even when I could drink). All in all, I'm just glad this post is out there to educate us
Don't believe everything on the internet! Then you will be poorly educated. It is not the intent of most men! Oh dear god what am I trying?.. just believe everything you read..
Load More Replies...Surprise surprise.... Another post/story that paints all men as predators. Surprised that "white male" wasn't mentioned as well. And no, I'm not saying that there aren't guys out there like that, but I'd bet it is the exception rather than the rule.
Oh look another, "I'm a victim!" story. Pah-lease. Sister, 15 years single and I never went to those trash claps.Everyone knows what you are getting into when you go to those places. They are designed for cheap hookups. You don't go to McDonald's and complain about their lack of organic options. So why would you go to bars and then b***h when everyone is doing exactly what it was designed to do? I found my husband and many friends without setting foot in bars and nightclubs, it can be done.
I go to clubs to dance because I like dancing, not to get a husband or even a date there :))). I go to clubs with my friends and try to have a good time. It's sad to see that a woman would not understand that wherever you are and whatever you are dressed with and however drunk or whatever you are, you deserve to be safe.
Load More Replies...Or you could just say no...this poster acts like these women are cornered in some dark alley..it's a b-a-r.. your an adult...use your verbal skill set and say no thank you..but if you'd like to talk you can sit down. Stop acting like all men are rapist
Women do not know whether or not the man that they said no to will follow them out of the bar and kidnap, rape or murder them. This is a very real situation that women have to be aware of. It’s not about acting like all men are rapists. Do you think it is enjoyable for women to have to worry about things like this? You think women don’t want to be able to trust men to not do this? Most women have had a man react aggressively towards her after she told him no. If you can’t put yourself in a woman’s shoes to understand this then you’re clearly putting your head in the sand on purpose.
Load More Replies...Alcohol affects people differently.. I can drink alot of vodka and it doesn't turn me into rapey mcrapey...nor did it lower my inhibitions to ever turn someone down.. If this woman is drinking non alcoholic drinks in a bar...then why is she in a bar again..why isn't she meeting meeting men in places where alcohol isnt served
Perhaps her friends are drinking and she is out with them. Or Perhaps, she is an adult woman who has the right to be there whether she is drinking or not. She is more than a potential opportunity, she's a person.
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Load More Replies...I think this is a little over dramatic. If someone offers to buy you a drink at a bar it's not a secret that alcohol is implied and the effects of alcohol are not a secret. Short of putting something in your drink, this is not overly predatory. Some one offering to buy you a drink usually means they are interested in you, and possibly interested in sleeping with you.... again, not a hidden agenda.
No kidding. Like most articles on this site, it was written to garner a large number of views, not to provide practical advice or an actual commentary on how the average man thinks. Contrary to this article's insinuation, adult women are ADULTS, and are just as capable at making their own decisions as adult men. To suggest otherwise is perhaps even more sexist than suggesting that every man who offers a woman a drink is a sexual predator. (Note: first comment was deleted as this site's "edit" function is broken.)
Load More Replies.......duh. Why else would a man buy a woman a drink. Ladies, he wants to bang you. Maybe you want to bang him, maybe not, but he’s playing a numbers game. This is not new.
Suzi, suzu, suzi, suzi... Suzi Gauthier, of course we all want a sexslave. But those magazines of yours.. you don't really believe those do you? Those are just to entertain woman.. with b*llsh*t!
Load More Replies...Read a history book. Men have NEVER been more gentlemanly. Find out how men treated women back in the day and then thank your lucky stars it's 2019.
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