What (not) To Say To A Pregnant Woman

For those who feel like they MUST say SOMETHING to a very visibly pregnant woman, let me offer you this suggestion.

There are really only a few acceptable things to say, stranger who feels compelled to comment on the size of a woman incubating a child.

Are you ready? Take notes.

“You look amazing!”

It doesn’t matter if she actually looks amazing, okay.

I don’t care if she looks like Jabba the Hutt incubating a small planet, you tell her she looks amazing, congratulate her, or you could even tell her she’s glowing.

We know we’re not glowing. We know we sweat a lot while lugging around this enormous midsection that you are shocked by. We know we don’t look amazing.

LIE TO US ANYWAY.

Because if you’re not going to lie to us, the ONLY other acceptable alternative is to keep your mouth shut. Shhh! Say nothing.

Definitely DO NOT ASK US if we’re sure it’s not twins! Or if we’re SURE we’re not having the baby sooner than we think.

I promise, there are two things we are CERTAIN of, and it’s the number of inhabitants in our uterus, and when they are expected to GTFO.

Oh yeah, and none of that is your business anyway, IF WE’RE BEING HONEST.

So if you’re not going to tell the pregnant woman that she looks amazing, is glowing, or congratulate her, then SHUT UP.

Go back to the life you were living before a pregnant woman showed up and shocked you with the size of her belly to the point that you felt the deep desire to say something to her about it.

It’s just not appropriate. It’s not funny. You’re not endearing. You’re not making small talk. You’re rude.

Listen, you think you’re shocked? We are VERY aware of how we look. Nobody is more shocked than us.

We have to see ourselves naked.

More info: babyrabies.com

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