On The First Date, Man Expresses Some Pretty Concerning Opinions, Woman Realizes How Bad It Was Only At Home
Contemporary dating, in most Western countries, exhibits much more freedom than it used to. Very specific and thorough rules that used to guide people’s relationships of such sort are often no longer followed. So many things are allowed and it is mostly up to the people dating to determine what the relationship is going to be like. This seems to have a positive sound to it; however, it can also mean that as long as “everything is allowed,” many unpleasant surprises await you… surprised? This was the experience of Miah Daughtery, who shared the entire story on her Twitter account.
More info: Twitter
After a first date, a woman was feeling unsettled, but it took her some time to figure out why, and it resulted in a now-viral Twitter thread
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
On the first date, the man was talking almost nonstop for 90 minutes and unfortunately, that wasn’t the worst part
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The man seemed nice and polite, but there were some things about his talk that just weren’t right
This woman went on a breakfast date and many things were going just fine. The breakfast was good! It took her over an hour to order, wait and eat. According to the woman, the guy’s (44) appearance and manners were nice – his disarming smile seemed harmless, as he behaved in a polite and kind manner. Also, he spoke with authority.
The first red flag, this woman couldn’t help noticing, was that this man really took his time talking. He spoke almost non-stop for over 90 minutes. Needless to say, the man did most of the talking and the woman was put in a position of a listener. Was the guy’s speech worth listening to, though? Sometimes the human brain is a tricky organ that can’t come to a conclusion as fast as we would like it to. Or we feel something is not quite right, but cannot pinpoint just yet exactly what it is.
This woman explains that after the date, she was left feeling unsettled. However, she took her time. She did some journaling, which is also of help when one seeks to process an experience. The experience was vivid enough to come back to her naturally as the day was going by. Her evaluation rose from the first impression of “this is weird” to “that was very, very weird.”
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Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
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Image credits: Thirdman (not the actual photo)
The man saw no positive sides to any areas he touched – the black community today, society in general, education, women’s love life and many more
The woman’s conclusion had to do with the content of man’s speech and with his overall “no-positivity” attitude towards seemingly all the topics in life. At least towards the topics he touched on, and he touched on a lot. Let’s quickly run through some of them.
Dr. Miah starts with this man’s approach to the situation of the black community today. After the long way this community had to go through, with people like Martin Luther King Jr., Maya Angelou, and so many others finding the strength to move forward, this man didn’t seem to recognize any achievements or improvements in the situation. The woman emphasizes this man’s approach had no optimism at all: “The Black community is in shambles and there is no hope and nothing to celebrate.”
The next problem, brought up by this man, is schools not teaching cursive. This, in a soon-to-come societal collapse, will mean no one will be able to read the founding documents once all the technology switches off.
Finally, this guy discussed… women. The major distinction he made is that women are communal and need other people, while men are solitary creatures who don’t need other people. Let’s just sum it up by saying that men, in this man’s understanding, as opposed to women, are self-sufficient, while women are lacking something. That is why, according to this man, he “could get married like this” – he literally snapped his fingers – while women cannot make it once they are over 30 Y.O. and begin to realize no one wants them.
However, this is just the beginning: once women turn 50 Y.O., as he knows many examples, including his sister, women are “finally learning” as they are all on anti-depressants in their houses with their cars and “careers” with no men and alone. And when they learn, he plans to “sit on his porch and get a drink and watch and laugh.”
We could continue, as did this man’s speech; however, some lines of thought are just better left on their own, for they are meant to be degrading, only even if hidden under the pretense of being true. This man seems to lack awareness of his own history, of the long way people have fought for human rights and the simple fact that he was born of a woman. It seems it is not the case he doesn’t need women – he went on a date, didn’t he? But he doesn’t want to take any responsibility.
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Image credits: Caio (not the actual photo)
People on Twitter were united in expressing support for this woman, as her tweets received over 6K likes
There is one question that can be asked with this man’s rant in mind. What was his suggestion? Well, man explained his plan. He owns a property in a southern state, and he can hunt and fish. This woman comments with irony that she does not own a property in a southern state, and she neither hunts nor fishes. She is also 42 Y.O. and only has, according to this guy, at best five more years of sexy and desirable left before she turns into a toad. Luckily, she found herself persevering through the societal collapse anticipated by this man.
The woman pin-points that during the date with this man, she experienced a cognitive dissonance – he seemed knowledgeable and well-mannered at first. However, after taking time to think through the man’s approach to various topics they discussed, including his views on her “place” in the world, this woman was sure there was no need for her to keep his contacts.
People on Twitter were united in expressing support for this woman. Her tweets received over 6K likes. Some commenters said these were not red flags from that man’s side, but a giant red blanket covering the land.
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Image credits: Trammell Hudson (not the actual photo)
Being aware of a tendency for people to focus more on the negative aspects of things can help to balance it
While there could be many aspects discussed about the man’s approach, one explanation could be cognitive bias. There is a lot of empirical evidence that people process negative and positive information differently, based on a study by V. Grossmann and A. Woodward. It was shown that people pay much more attention to negative information and use it more than positive information. This phenomenon is called negative bias. Negative bias, on the one hand, serves to adapt to a different environment and survive; however, it is not always useful.
Being aware of it can help to use it for one’s purposes. Based on a study by L. Kiken and N. Shook, negativity bias can be regulated by practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness is sustained, receptive attention and awareness of events and experiences as they occur in the present moment and it helps to increase positive judgments and reduces negativity bias. They quote Kabat-Zinn in their study: “When you observe things through the lens of mindfulness, whether it be through formal meditation practice or in daily living, you invariably begin to appreciate things in a new way because your very perception changes.”
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There are too many men out there who are like this. Way way too many. I cannot emphasize how many. There aren't enough words in any language to emphasize this.
Same guys who complain about not having a girlfriend, despite being a 'nice guy.'
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I would take a conversation about aliens over this dribble any day!
Load More Replies... I don't understand how she can say he was "nice and polite" when what he was saying was so clearly misogynistic.
She's saying he disguised himself as nice or was attempting to do so. That's what abusive manipulators do.
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Pretty much all legit research says the exact opposite of what he said. Single (straight) women report higher overall happiness than married women. Married (straight) men report much higher happiness than single men. Research shows false claims of domestic/sexual violence are exceedingly rare. Courts ignore prenups? Um, I don't think so. And obviously, there's tons to celebrate about the Black community. What planet is this dude living on?
F.D. Signifier has a video on YouTube called Dissecting the Manosphere that digs into this type of personality a good bit... Long story short, a ton of guys are feeling disoriented because our society under patriarchy and capitalism promises them power and respect if they play by the rules, but they keep ending up disappointed. In their barely-processed rage and grief, many become disillusioned and vulnerable to the manipulations of charlatans who are looking to place blame everywhere but the exploitative socioeconomic systems that keep us alienated from each other. Black culture and women become scapegoats for problems caused by systemic racism and sexism. F.D. Signifier explains it much better in his video if you're interested in learning more.
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But wait, breakfast was good. At least finish that last cup of coffee.
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If a guy's only proof for anything is "look it up" he needs a foil hat. And maybe a hug-me jacket.
it was so hard not to laugh at his claims. and, i loved the 'he didn't bring her joy'. been single for about 12 yrs now and am over 50. some in my family have asked about me not dating and i have told them that i am not opposed to dating but just don't want to deal with attitudes like this. so far, i am happy to be single and enjoy the company i want as i do not feel a need to be social as a form of survival such as this man implies.
Amen, over 50 here and married. Younger husband jokes I may trade him in on a newer model. I say no I'd rather be alone muchly.
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I wouldn't have finished the meal. As soon as #4 came out I would have found an excuse to leave.
Talking sh*t about women for 90 minutes but claiming the system is rigged against men. Imagine living with a self-aggrandizing brain like that -- it must feel amazing. I know several women over 50 who are single - me included. Some occasionally have lovers, some have children, all have good freinds and are immensly happy to be free and independent and without any Douchecanoes attached to them.
He was single? I can't imagine why, what with the land, the cursive and all. What a catch! I am waiting to find him in one of those "sovereign citizens" court cases where they get spanked by the judge.
My brother is this way, unable to be self critical and unable to stop going down rabbit holes on the web. He's always thinking he's onto something and we're just naive for ignoring it. Sadly, he dismisses counter arguments so the end result is, frankly, a dangerous mindset that makes you wonder how many others are like this. At the end of the day you come to two conclusions, these types are shockingly extremely gullible to misinformation if it reinforces their own proclivities and they can't be reasoned with.
We have a friend who rants about various topics. I suggested abolishing the electoral college. You would have thought I said cut off all penises. He came in to tell about a delegate voting his conscience. Isn't that what makes a democratic republic so great instead of democracy. Why should your vote count? He didn't like that.
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As a 49yo myself, l always find hilarious the "expiration date" some men assign to us.
I have a question. If society collapses, and the government ceases to exist, who is going to enforce your deed to that plot of land in a southern state? I know the answer is "I will with my AR-15", but doesn't that mean all I really need are two AR15s, making my claim on the land you bought twice as enforceable. People looking forward to the apocalypse better hope they never get what they wish for. I don't think it'll be that enjoyable. Also, women are plenty sexy after 50. But I'm speaking as a man rapidly approaching after 50 myself.
I would have gotten up 15/20 minutes in, gone to the "bathroom" and just have left. No interest in this BS. But, you know, I am a woman over 50 on antridepressants..
What I want to know was what she had for breakfast. I can get really easily distracted by really good breakfast.
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After all that, I'm fixated on why she lobbied against cursive being taught.
Don't think she did, he just assumed. What he fails to take into account is the reason they don't teach cursive. They don't have time bc they're teaching the stuff that will be on "the test ". That's the only way they can be evaluated, not the students the teachers.
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Problem with nutjobs is they can look normal, sound intelligent and logical, and lull into thinking there must be something behind what they say.
The only problem I see with this post is she didn't give any information to keep other women safe from going on a date with him.
Pretty sure none of us Pandas have to "Look it up" to know he's a twatwaffle.
That may be getting him too close to a...well, you know. Let's not let him add to the gene pool.
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There's a segment on a morning radio program here in Mn. titled 2nd date update. A reoccurring message is "be interested, not interesting" nonstop talking by one party is not how to get a callback. Neither is trying too hard and not genuine. (as in dressing like Leonardo DiCaprio) The OP just dodged a bullet on this one. Now to get back 80 minutes of time wasted on this manchild.
He sounds like a Job not husband material. The founding documents are written in Copperplate not Cursive.
Then maybe he can't read cursive. Or he never learned that those documents have been "translated" into "not cursive".
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This guys shows many of the signs of a psychopath. Like he keeps saying, look it up.
I find it hard to believe this story... why in the world would any intelligent/sane woman tolerate any of this for 90 minutes. Any two items are good enough reasons to jump out of the plane. As a guy, I pulled the ripcord at 4b.
I'm not every woman, I am just me. Somehow I was learned that "boys will be boys" and "the man about the house" and how I should be respectful and polite. So I would sit there and let him finish what he wants to say while thinking about how I could end this and hope that I don't get called any names, his kind of crazy reaches my house or him getting violent. That last thing is real and it happens so often that now only thinking about it paralises me. No amount of self defence classes or therapy can't get this out off my head. I wish this was different. I wish I could live without fear and in a world where this seems so far fetched that it must be fake.
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Had a similar first date. Why are women these days behaving so differently (from the 70s or earlier), women bring themselves into danger by accompanying strange men to their homes after a night out, rape is a recent problem because statistics from the 50sh show less rape cases, women always go for the bad guys and leave the nice guys alone... Honestly, I saw what he was like after 5 minutes and then changed the meeting from "date" to "entertainment". Ripped every single one of his statements apart. I'm over 50 and yes, I'd like to have a partner, but the single life isn't so bad that I couldn't do without one. (I know, there are much better, geeky, nerdy guys out there, one just needs the luck to meet them )
I imagine there were a lot of rape cases in the 50's that just weren't reported.
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If all us over 50 "females" are so communal, then maybe we should get together and commune without the "males" that can get married like that *snaps fingers. Who will cook and clean then? Since that's all we're good for.
Learnt a new word today "perseverate". Is that actually in normal use in the US?
US here- can you tell me what you determined perseverate means? Never heard of it.
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Sigh. This is why I worked VERY HARD at praying for the desire to be in a relationship away. It worked and I'm the happiest I've ever been. I wish I'd known I'd feel this way sooner. Being a black woman over 50 what he says is true but that's not the end of the world.it's the beginning of truly living.
i don't understand the title of this article. i read the whole thing to get a clue, but still nothing.
OP went on a breakfast date and the man began explaining things he felt were wrong with the world. He ranted for 90 minutes while OP listened. Once OP got home, she went back over his assessments and posted her assessments of his views.
Load More Replies...
There are too many men out there who are like this. Way way too many. I cannot emphasize how many. There aren't enough words in any language to emphasize this.
Same guys who complain about not having a girlfriend, despite being a 'nice guy.'
Load More Replies... I would take a conversation about aliens over this dribble any day!
Load More Replies... I don't understand how she can say he was "nice and polite" when what he was saying was so clearly misogynistic.
She's saying he disguised himself as nice or was attempting to do so. That's what abusive manipulators do.
Load More Replies... Pretty much all legit research says the exact opposite of what he said. Single (straight) women report higher overall happiness than married women. Married (straight) men report much higher happiness than single men. Research shows false claims of domestic/sexual violence are exceedingly rare. Courts ignore prenups? Um, I don't think so. And obviously, there's tons to celebrate about the Black community. What planet is this dude living on?
F.D. Signifier has a video on YouTube called Dissecting the Manosphere that digs into this type of personality a good bit... Long story short, a ton of guys are feeling disoriented because our society under patriarchy and capitalism promises them power and respect if they play by the rules, but they keep ending up disappointed. In their barely-processed rage and grief, many become disillusioned and vulnerable to the manipulations of charlatans who are looking to place blame everywhere but the exploitative socioeconomic systems that keep us alienated from each other. Black culture and women become scapegoats for problems caused by systemic racism and sexism. F.D. Signifier explains it much better in his video if you're interested in learning more.
Load More Replies... But wait, breakfast was good. At least finish that last cup of coffee.
Load More Replies... If a guy's only proof for anything is "look it up" he needs a foil hat. And maybe a hug-me jacket.
it was so hard not to laugh at his claims. and, i loved the 'he didn't bring her joy'. been single for about 12 yrs now and am over 50. some in my family have asked about me not dating and i have told them that i am not opposed to dating but just don't want to deal with attitudes like this. so far, i am happy to be single and enjoy the company i want as i do not feel a need to be social as a form of survival such as this man implies.
Amen, over 50 here and married. Younger husband jokes I may trade him in on a newer model. I say no I'd rather be alone muchly.
Load More Replies... I wouldn't have finished the meal. As soon as #4 came out I would have found an excuse to leave.
Talking sh*t about women for 90 minutes but claiming the system is rigged against men. Imagine living with a self-aggrandizing brain like that -- it must feel amazing. I know several women over 50 who are single - me included. Some occasionally have lovers, some have children, all have good freinds and are immensly happy to be free and independent and without any Douchecanoes attached to them.
He was single? I can't imagine why, what with the land, the cursive and all. What a catch! I am waiting to find him in one of those "sovereign citizens" court cases where they get spanked by the judge.
My brother is this way, unable to be self critical and unable to stop going down rabbit holes on the web. He's always thinking he's onto something and we're just naive for ignoring it. Sadly, he dismisses counter arguments so the end result is, frankly, a dangerous mindset that makes you wonder how many others are like this. At the end of the day you come to two conclusions, these types are shockingly extremely gullible to misinformation if it reinforces their own proclivities and they can't be reasoned with.
We have a friend who rants about various topics. I suggested abolishing the electoral college. You would have thought I said cut off all penises. He came in to tell about a delegate voting his conscience. Isn't that what makes a democratic republic so great instead of democracy. Why should your vote count? He didn't like that.
Load More Replies... As a 49yo myself, l always find hilarious the "expiration date" some men assign to us.
I have a question. If society collapses, and the government ceases to exist, who is going to enforce your deed to that plot of land in a southern state? I know the answer is "I will with my AR-15", but doesn't that mean all I really need are two AR15s, making my claim on the land you bought twice as enforceable. People looking forward to the apocalypse better hope they never get what they wish for. I don't think it'll be that enjoyable. Also, women are plenty sexy after 50. But I'm speaking as a man rapidly approaching after 50 myself.
I would have gotten up 15/20 minutes in, gone to the "bathroom" and just have left. No interest in this BS. But, you know, I am a woman over 50 on antridepressants..
What I want to know was what she had for breakfast. I can get really easily distracted by really good breakfast.
Load More Replies... After all that, I'm fixated on why she lobbied against cursive being taught.
Don't think she did, he just assumed. What he fails to take into account is the reason they don't teach cursive. They don't have time bc they're teaching the stuff that will be on "the test ". That's the only way they can be evaluated, not the students the teachers.
Load More Replies... Problem with nutjobs is they can look normal, sound intelligent and logical, and lull into thinking there must be something behind what they say.
The only problem I see with this post is she didn't give any information to keep other women safe from going on a date with him.
Pretty sure none of us Pandas have to "Look it up" to know he's a twatwaffle.
That may be getting him too close to a...well, you know. Let's not let him add to the gene pool.
Load More Replies... There's a segment on a morning radio program here in Mn. titled 2nd date update. A reoccurring message is "be interested, not interesting" nonstop talking by one party is not how to get a callback. Neither is trying too hard and not genuine. (as in dressing like Leonardo DiCaprio) The OP just dodged a bullet on this one. Now to get back 80 minutes of time wasted on this manchild.
He sounds like a Job not husband material. The founding documents are written in Copperplate not Cursive.
Then maybe he can't read cursive. Or he never learned that those documents have been "translated" into "not cursive".
Load More Replies... This guys shows many of the signs of a psychopath. Like he keeps saying, look it up.
I find it hard to believe this story... why in the world would any intelligent/sane woman tolerate any of this for 90 minutes. Any two items are good enough reasons to jump out of the plane. As a guy, I pulled the ripcord at 4b.
I'm not every woman, I am just me. Somehow I was learned that "boys will be boys" and "the man about the house" and how I should be respectful and polite. So I would sit there and let him finish what he wants to say while thinking about how I could end this and hope that I don't get called any names, his kind of crazy reaches my house or him getting violent. That last thing is real and it happens so often that now only thinking about it paralises me. No amount of self defence classes or therapy can't get this out off my head. I wish this was different. I wish I could live without fear and in a world where this seems so far fetched that it must be fake.
Load More Replies... Had a similar first date. Why are women these days behaving so differently (from the 70s or earlier), women bring themselves into danger by accompanying strange men to their homes after a night out, rape is a recent problem because statistics from the 50sh show less rape cases, women always go for the bad guys and leave the nice guys alone... Honestly, I saw what he was like after 5 minutes and then changed the meeting from "date" to "entertainment". Ripped every single one of his statements apart. I'm over 50 and yes, I'd like to have a partner, but the single life isn't so bad that I couldn't do without one. (I know, there are much better, geeky, nerdy guys out there, one just needs the luck to meet them )
I imagine there were a lot of rape cases in the 50's that just weren't reported.
Load More Replies... If all us over 50 "females" are so communal, then maybe we should get together and commune without the "males" that can get married like that *snaps fingers. Who will cook and clean then? Since that's all we're good for.
Learnt a new word today "perseverate". Is that actually in normal use in the US?
US here- can you tell me what you determined perseverate means? Never heard of it.
Load More Replies... Sigh. This is why I worked VERY HARD at praying for the desire to be in a relationship away. It worked and I'm the happiest I've ever been. I wish I'd known I'd feel this way sooner. Being a black woman over 50 what he says is true but that's not the end of the world.it's the beginning of truly living.
i don't understand the title of this article. i read the whole thing to get a clue, but still nothing.
OP went on a breakfast date and the man began explaining things he felt were wrong with the world. He ranted for 90 minutes while OP listened. Once OP got home, she went back over his assessments and posted her assessments of his views.
Load More Replies... 
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