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Men Share Their “Toxic Masculinity” Stories After This Guy Shares A Story Of How His Dad Was Told It’s Rude To Cry At Funerals
Most people would probably agree that there’s a fine line between what’s appropriate to say and what isn’t. However, Reddit has some stories about people blurting out things that sometimes can be beyond our comprehension. For example, the crown jewel of today is this woman who apparently told her stepson that it’s inappropriate to cry at funerals and picked literally the worst timing to say “man up.” Luckily, he had a jaw-dropping comeback.
RELATED:
Someone on Reddit shared how their dad was told off from crying by his step-mom
It’s probably just something of human nature to sometimes wonder whether we’re enough. Pretty or handsome enough, smart enough, funny enough—you name it. But it’s one thing to question yourself and a completely different thing when someone else implies that you’re lacking something.
Only to her regret, since she received a major clap-back
Image credits: Umbrella Shot (not the actual photo)
Others seized the opportunity and jumped in with similar stories of their own
It seems that some people find it particularly hard to draw lines regarding what’s appropriate to say when it comes to gender norms. Award-winning author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie said: “By far the worst thing we do to males—by making them feel they have to be hard—is that we leave them with very fragile egos.”
And followed the theme of the saying “man up” being used in the worst ways possible
Image credits: astrid westvang (not the actual photo)
Turns out, some actually did “man up” but it didn’t bring much good
Only this time, it’s not the male ego that’s in question. Turns out, Redditor Vengenbuurg’s dad was once in a situation where his own stepmom told him to “man up” just because he was having a seemingly normal reaction to his beloved grandma dying.
Demonstrating toughness in a difficult situation didn’t help and caused permanent damage
Image credits: Rita Kravchuk (not the actual photo)
Some people expressed that masculinity is a weird thing to begin with
She seemed to believe that suppressing emotions and masking distress is what defines a person as masculine. Maintaining an appearance of hardness is often believed to be a masculine trait as well.
Thus, acting or looking tough doesn’t have much to do with actually being masculine
Image credits: veggiefrog (not the actual photo)
However, not being able to express emotions openly can turn out to be really damaging. Another Reddit user shared that he did “man up” at his dad’s funeral but had to fight depression for 4 years as a result and has struggled with expressing emotions ever since.
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What do you think ?
elfin 5 years ago
I agree. I also think that women in our culture should not be taught to be or act weak or to feel that they are responsible for making everyone around them happy. In other words, let people be the best version of who they are and stop labeling them.
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago (edited)
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
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Leigh C. 5 years ago
Even women get looks and told to just go away and compose ourselves when upset. It's like people don't know how to respond or deal with someone's emotional moment so they want to them to go away. I find it attractive when a man can express himself to me and show they have a heart and care.
Helen Haley 5 years ago
I wish we were taught when we were kids (everyone) not only ways to express emotions, AND how to handle it when others show their emotions so that everyone isn't uncomfortable showing or being shown emotions. We take PE in school, but never address mental health. Seems lopsided.
Load More Replies...
Lorrie Finley 5 years ago
May is Mental Health Awareness Month. This is a very timely post. For those men having difficulty still from having had to suppress emotions in the past, I would like to suggest checking your insurance company provider list for Psychologists who do EMDR. (State funded ins have them too). Although originally developed for severe PTSD, it has been for highly effective for PTSD from less traumatic situations but that leave as deep a scar. Plus talk therapy is also really helpful to face the past hurts once and for all and leave them there.
Nadine 5 years ago
I also did EMDR as treatment for PTSD and anxiety attacks. It was a bit tough because there were many emotions and bad memories that I had to go over, but it truly did work. It was incredible to see how everything fell into place and I could accept the things that had happened and move on. Wonderful. I was very skeptical at first, but now I'm just amazed at how effective it was for me. It also worked much more quickly than I thought it would.
Load More Replies...
martin734 5 years ago
In the UK suicide is the biggest cause of death for men under 45 and 75% of suicides are male. I can't help thinking that if these same figures applied to women much more would be done about it. Society still places huge pressures on men to be strong and tough, to show no weakness. Traits that are seen as strengths as women are far too often seen as weaknesses in men. This has led, and still leads to big problems in the whole of society. So-called toxic masculinity is a symptom of this. Men have been told for generations that they should act in a certain way, yet when they do they are told that this behaviour is harmful. Far too many men are told that to show emotion is weak, so when they are placed in situations that are emotionally challenging they don't know how to cope, when they are unable to cope with something they too often become afraid and angry and this fear and anger often leads to violence either to themselves or others.
Pensive 5 years ago
Not necessarily - if you look at the medical conditions that affect predominantly women (Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Chronic Lyme), you'll see doctors arguing for decades that they're all forms of hysteria with no physical basis, simply because the majority of sufferers are female, and research funding being denied with the same reasoning. If the suicide rate for women were as high as it is for men, I suspect it'd be the same thing: 'There's nothing really wrong with them. They're just overreacting because that's what women do.'
Load More Replies...
Ms.GB 5 years ago
I think that being able to express your emotions without being self conscious is a hard thing to do...it shows much stronger character to be able to show those emotions instead of bottling them up because..."Someone might think I'm weak".
Daria B 5 years ago (edited)
Really good and important point. However, for me it's more about the feeling of being exposed, as in naked. Plus, people stop taking you seriously after a few times, seeing you as immature or spoilt. Unless they genuinely love you (which is usually, but not always, family and friends).
Load More Replies...
earringnut 5 years ago
People are social creatures. Whether you believe it's by design or evolution, we need to share our emotions with others. It's the way we are all made.
Leopoldo Pisanello 5 years ago
I think it takes much more "balls" to cry in front of other people instead of just "man up" and bottle everything down the hatch only to have huge problems later in life.
Jaybird3939 5 years ago
My brother and I lost our parents at an early age (I was 15, he was 18). Instead of letting him express his emotions, his best friend stuck a beer bottle in his hand. I don't know how many times he drove drunk, but I think his Guardian Angel was pretty exhausted by the time he toned it down.
Helen Haley 5 years ago
My sister was 15 and I was 18 when we lost our mom. I didn't drink, because I didn't like the taste, but I did make a series of stupid choices. I know how losing a parent at young ages can mess with a person. I'm sorry for your loss.
Load More Replies...
Elaine Dodge 5 years ago
It's rude to cry at funerals? What? Oh, lady, you are so wrong...about so many things. I'm pretty sure your step-son won't be the only one 'being polite' at your funeral.
Barbara Vandewalle 5 years ago
The last posting "expecting a man to stiff upper lip' is one of the reasons why PTSD is so prevalent. Not being allowed to grieve, keeping everything bottled up is guaranteed to lead to mental problems.
elfin 5 years ago
I agree. I also think that women in our culture should not be taught to be or act weak or to feel that they are responsible for making everyone around them happy. In other words, let people be the best version of who they are and stop labeling them.
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago (edited)
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Load More Replies... Leigh C. 5 years ago
Even women get looks and told to just go away and compose ourselves when upset. It's like people don't know how to respond or deal with someone's emotional moment so they want to them to go away. I find it attractive when a man can express himself to me and show they have a heart and care.
Helen Haley 5 years ago
I wish we were taught when we were kids (everyone) not only ways to express emotions, AND how to handle it when others show their emotions so that everyone isn't uncomfortable showing or being shown emotions. We take PE in school, but never address mental health. Seems lopsided.
Load More Replies... Lorrie Finley 5 years ago
May is Mental Health Awareness Month. This is a very timely post. For those men having difficulty still from having had to suppress emotions in the past, I would like to suggest checking your insurance company provider list for Psychologists who do EMDR. (State funded ins have them too). Although originally developed for severe PTSD, it has been for highly effective for PTSD from less traumatic situations but that leave as deep a scar. Plus talk therapy is also really helpful to face the past hurts once and for all and leave them there.
Nadine 5 years ago
I also did EMDR as treatment for PTSD and anxiety attacks. It was a bit tough because there were many emotions and bad memories that I had to go over, but it truly did work. It was incredible to see how everything fell into place and I could accept the things that had happened and move on. Wonderful. I was very skeptical at first, but now I'm just amazed at how effective it was for me. It also worked much more quickly than I thought it would.
Load More Replies... martin734 5 years ago
In the UK suicide is the biggest cause of death for men under 45 and 75% of suicides are male. I can't help thinking that if these same figures applied to women much more would be done about it. Society still places huge pressures on men to be strong and tough, to show no weakness. Traits that are seen as strengths as women are far too often seen as weaknesses in men. This has led, and still leads to big problems in the whole of society. So-called toxic masculinity is a symptom of this. Men have been told for generations that they should act in a certain way, yet when they do they are told that this behaviour is harmful. Far too many men are told that to show emotion is weak, so when they are placed in situations that are emotionally challenging they don't know how to cope, when they are unable to cope with something they too often become afraid and angry and this fear and anger often leads to violence either to themselves or others.
Pensive 5 years ago
Not necessarily - if you look at the medical conditions that affect predominantly women (Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Chronic Lyme), you'll see doctors arguing for decades that they're all forms of hysteria with no physical basis, simply because the majority of sufferers are female, and research funding being denied with the same reasoning. If the suicide rate for women were as high as it is for men, I suspect it'd be the same thing: 'There's nothing really wrong with them. They're just overreacting because that's what women do.'
Load More Replies... Ms.GB 5 years ago
I think that being able to express your emotions without being self conscious is a hard thing to do...it shows much stronger character to be able to show those emotions instead of bottling them up because..."Someone might think I'm weak".
Daria B 5 years ago (edited)
Really good and important point. However, for me it's more about the feeling of being exposed, as in naked. Plus, people stop taking you seriously after a few times, seeing you as immature or spoilt. Unless they genuinely love you (which is usually, but not always, family and friends).
Load More Replies... earringnut 5 years ago
People are social creatures. Whether you believe it's by design or evolution, we need to share our emotions with others. It's the way we are all made.
Leopoldo Pisanello 5 years ago
I think it takes much more "balls" to cry in front of other people instead of just "man up" and bottle everything down the hatch only to have huge problems later in life.
Jaybird3939 5 years ago
My brother and I lost our parents at an early age (I was 15, he was 18). Instead of letting him express his emotions, his best friend stuck a beer bottle in his hand. I don't know how many times he drove drunk, but I think his Guardian Angel was pretty exhausted by the time he toned it down.
Helen Haley 5 years ago
My sister was 15 and I was 18 when we lost our mom. I didn't drink, because I didn't like the taste, but I did make a series of stupid choices. I know how losing a parent at young ages can mess with a person. I'm sorry for your loss.
Load More Replies... Elaine Dodge 5 years ago
It's rude to cry at funerals? What? Oh, lady, you are so wrong...about so many things. I'm pretty sure your step-son won't be the only one 'being polite' at your funeral.
Barbara Vandewalle 5 years ago
The last posting "expecting a man to stiff upper lip' is one of the reasons why PTSD is so prevalent. Not being allowed to grieve, keeping everything bottled up is guaranteed to lead to mental problems.
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