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Ungrateful Mom Wants Help But Won’t Stop Being Bossy, Entitled And Weird To Her Daughter And Grandkids
Getting married is all about two people being in love and deciding to spend the rest of their lives together. But it would be naive to believe that love alone is enough to sustain a couple for a lifetime. Before tying the knot, they have to look at the situation practically. And if one person can’t stand their partner’s family, they might want to reconsider whether or not they should really go through with it.
One man reached out to the internet desperately seeking advice after realizing that his wife’s mother had been ruining his marriage and his life for far too long. Below, you’ll find all of the details that he revealed on Reddit, as well as some of the replies invested readers left him.
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Most people would do anything for their family members
But this man is tired of his wife bending over backward for her terrible mother
Children are not obligated to care for their elderly parents
Many people cite having someone to take care of them in their old age as one of the major reasons why they decided to have children. And this is often thrown in childfree adults’ faces as a reason why they’re making the wrong choice. But the reality is that you can never predict whether or not your children will actually be there for you, as they’re not exactly obligated to care for their parents.
Moms and dads are obligated to care for their children until they’re adults because that’s what they signed up for. They brought them into the world, and it’s their responsibility to clothe, feed, care for, and love their little ones no matter what. This role doesn’t exactly go both ways, though.
According to Acts Retirement Community, there is generally no legal obligation for adults in the United States to take care of their aging parents. However, under specific circumstances, some states may impose “filial responsibility” on an adult child, making them responsible for providing food, housing, and/or medical attention for their parents.
Meanwhile, there are plenty of reasons why adult children may refuse to care for their parents, no matter how much they love them. Acts notes that this can happen when the parent or parents refuse to accept care. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.
It’s also common for the adult children to be unable to provide the level of care necessary for their parents. Perhaps they can’t afford to take them in, hire a nurse, or pay for a full-time care facility. Or maybe they live states away, and it’s just not feasible for them to help.
Boundaries are absolutely crucial when dealing with a toxic mother-in-law
Strained relationships can also play a major role in children refusing to take care of their mother and/or father. YouGov reports that 16% of Americans are currently estranged from at least one parent. So it’s unlikely that anyone who’s not even on speaking terms with their mother and father would be willing to take care of them.
Taking in a parent is one thing, as most of us have strong bonds with our parents from childhood and may feel like we owe them something. But very few people would be willing to take in a toxic in-law who has only caused stress and drama in their life.
Dealing with a toxic mother-in-law is never easy, but Choosing Therapy has some advice that might make the situation a bit more bearable. First, they recommend communicating openly with your partner about the issue. This may be an uncomfortable conversation, but sweeping things under the rug is a recipe for disaster.
They also stress the importance of practicing self-care. If you have to be around this woman, make sure that you also find ways to relax and decompress. Don’t let your mental health suffer because of her.
Finally, it’s a good idea to set boundaries with her. At the end of the day, you and your spouse decide who is allowed in your home, and if you have to kick her out to have peace, don’t hesitate to do so. Navigating a toxic relationship will always be a challenge, but your peace and your marriage should come first.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. What advice would you give to the author about his situation? Then, if you’re interested in checking out another article from Bored Panda featuring similar in-law drama, look no further than right here.
Later, the author responded to several readers and shared more background information
Readers gave the author a reality check and shared some brutally honest advice
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Tabitha 5 hours ago (edited)
My parents were terrible people who should never have had kids. My mother died about 14 years before my father did. I was pretty much NC most of my adult life, and LC after getting married because my husband wanted to meet him. Mistake. He tried that c**p of insisting on moving in with us after my mother died. We declined. He dangled an “inheritance” in front of us if we did it. We still declined. He ended up in an old folks home. Since we lived across the country from him (we’re in Maryland and he was in Nevada), we had an elder advocate appointed by the state to keep an eye on him, and report back to us. After he died—-no one went to his funeral, he had alienated all of the family his whole life—-the truth about that “inheritance” he dangled to try to get me (only daughter out of 5 kids, of course) came out. He had nothing. What little had did have he just pissed away, wasted, lost or was robbed of by the “companions” he allowed to take over his house. He was a foolish man, and always had been. He cheated and a****d good people, chased them away, burned bridges, wasted other people’s time and energy, including his own children. He isn’t missed, in fact his passing was a relief. OP’s wife needs to make the same break with her mother. Call the state, get information about assistance for putting her in a home, then dump her and go on with your own lives. Do not let her steal any more time from you. She isn’t worth it, but you are,
Kate Johnson 2 hours ago
Nope. Wife is obviously deeply mentally ill and enmeshed with depraved and evil mother. Do not enable that s**t. Your wife is a horrible mother to subject her own children to this evil grandmother.
Tabitha 5 hours ago (edited)
My parents were terrible people who should never have had kids. My mother died about 14 years before my father did. I was pretty much NC most of my adult life, and LC after getting married because my husband wanted to meet him. Mistake. He tried that c**p of insisting on moving in with us after my mother died. We declined. He dangled an “inheritance” in front of us if we did it. We still declined. He ended up in an old folks home. Since we lived across the country from him (we’re in Maryland and he was in Nevada), we had an elder advocate appointed by the state to keep an eye on him, and report back to us. After he died—-no one went to his funeral, he had alienated all of the family his whole life—-the truth about that “inheritance” he dangled to try to get me (only daughter out of 5 kids, of course) came out. He had nothing. What little had did have he just pissed away, wasted, lost or was robbed of by the “companions” he allowed to take over his house. He was a foolish man, and always had been. He cheated and a****d good people, chased them away, burned bridges, wasted other people’s time and energy, including his own children. He isn’t missed, in fact his passing was a relief. OP’s wife needs to make the same break with her mother. Call the state, get information about assistance for putting her in a home, then dump her and go on with your own lives. Do not let her steal any more time from you. She isn’t worth it, but you are,
Kate Johnson 2 hours ago
Nope. Wife is obviously deeply mentally ill and enmeshed with depraved and evil mother. Do not enable that s**t. Your wife is a horrible mother to subject her own children to this evil grandmother.
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