Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
40 Toxic Modern Dating Trends That Too Many People Mistake For Normal
Whether you only want to have some fun or are holding out for a serious commitment, today's love scene comes with a whole lot of weird baggage that we, for some reason, decided is no big deal. So, Reddit user JustLittleGirl_ thought it was time for a reality check, and kicked off a conversation on the platform, asking, "What’s something people pretend is normal in modern dating, but is actually insanely toxic when you think about it?" The answers poured in, and they're as honest, frustrating, and painfully relatable as they can get.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
So this makes me think of the guy in Bristol who set up his piano in public and vowed to not stop playing until he won back his ex girlfriend. To start people were like “this is so romantic” but it’s actually really toxic and gross. You got dumped. They don’t want you back. Don’t make a public spectacle to try and bully/shame her into taking you back.
“Displays of love” like that always creep me out.
"Dating in 2025, I feel, is like a paradox," Holly Schiff, Psy.D., tells Bored Panda.
Schiff is a licensed clinical psychologist in Connecticut, New York, and Rhode Island, as well as a registered telehealth psychologist in Florida, and says, "We have more access to potential partners than ever before, but many people still feel lonelier or more overwhelmed by the process."
"Ghosting, commitment issues, and a fear of vulnerability are common, but I think there is also a real desire for authenticity and emotional safety. The dating landscape in 2025 is high-tech, fast-paced, and emotionally complex," she adds.
RELATED:
#2
Expecting someone to drop their opposite-s*x friendships. I know there are people that believe men and women can’t be just friends, but in my opinion we can especially when there are healthy boundaries and everyone is mature and respectful. Like yes, let me just immediately drop this person I’ve been friends with for years because you’re insecure?
All in all, people seem to be content with it. Results of the Forbes Health/OnePoll survey, which surveyed 5,000 Americans who have actively dated in the last five years, show that nearly 60% feel either very or somewhat positive about dating. 23% feel indifferent to dating, and just over 13% report negative feelings toward it. Additionally, men appear to be more optimistic (68%) than women (55%).
If we were to take a closer look at what people are paying attention to, a poll by Change Research of adults between 18 and 34 would reveal that women's biggest red flag when looking for a relationship is a date revealing they're a MAGA Republican, with 76% of them saying it's a turnoff.
The second biggest red flag for women is folks who "have no hobbies" (66%), and the third is those who say, "All Lives Matter" (60%).
When it comes to men in the same age group, the biggest turn-off is people who identify as "communist" (64%), but they also have problems with those who have no hobbies (60%), as well as MAGA Republicans (59%).
Other turnoffs for men include being interested in astrology (41%) and saying, "All Lives Matter” (41%).
#5
I might get hate for this but demanding your partners location/and or making it mandatory to share locations. I understand for safety purposes but for me it feels rooted in ownership, insecurity and mistrust.
On the other hand, both men and women overwhelmingly agreed that they are very interested in potential partners who read: 95% of women and 91% of men said reading is a green flag.
They also agreed that they are interested in people who research the best deals and rates before buying things: 88% of women listed being a smart consumer as a green flag, and men were close behind with 85%.
Interestingly, men (63%) and women (51%) also agreed it’s a green flag when someone looks better in person than in their online photos.
#8
Dudes initiating choking and other violent acts during intimacy without first asking for consent.
#9
Posting publicly your lover's quarrel. Like bruh, you're embarrassing your partner on social media? And posting it next morning like nothing happened??
When "screening" the people we're seeing, Dr. Schiff believes that "both gut instinct and factual information are important."
"Gut instinct is your nervous system's way of flagging something: sometimes it's right, and sometimes it is based on old patterns or trauma. Factual information should be used alongside intuition," the psychologist explains.
"The healthiest approach is to stay curious, definitely trust your gut, but let the facts confirm or challenge it. The key to healthy dating is noticing when something makes you feel anxious, second-guess your needs, or makes you shrink. Real connection should feel grounding, not chaotic."
#12
Using someone else as a comfort while trying to figure out their situation with their ex… just happened to me. Completely messed up. Not ok.
#13
Performing for each other instead of being real. People feel pressure to be endlessly witty, effortlessly cool, or emotionally detached like dating is a game of who can care less first. It’s exhausting and kind of dehumanizing.
#15
The expectation to respond to texts immediately. Like you owe your partner your full time and attention.
(This is obviously not in every relationship, but it’s definitely in some.).
#19
For some odd reason it’s become normal and somewhat expected to share your location 100% of the time. It’s almost never for “safety”.
#21
Not going to bed angry - majority of problems within a healthy relationship stems from overstimulation from stress. So staying up trying to figure it out may cause more mental torment versus sleeping (while still holding each other and saying I love you) and waking up feeling refreshed enough to speak .
#22
Expecting s*x on the first date and swiping left on anyone who's not willing to put out immediately. Pressures people into feeling like they have to do it even if they don't want to.
#23
“The chase”
If you’re having to chase someone, you’re not mutually attracted to each other, you’re being predatory .
#25
Treating dating as if everybody is auditioning for you instead of considering the fact that dates are equals who are also taking time out of their busy lives to get to know you.
#28
Comparisons.
Stop comparing your couple, your actions, and your involvement to what you see others doing on the Internet.
#30
Talking about exes excessively, being hung up on exes, and jumping from person to person instead of committing.
#31
Putting up with your partner calling you insults during disagreements or arguments (stupid, idiot, b***h, etc), or calling your partner hyper casual and dismissive names during fights (i.e. bro).
#33
Well it's seen as a red flag if you don't live on social media. I have reddit but apps like instagram and snapchat felt pointless.
Takes me out of the running for a fair amount of people.
#34
Sending nudes or risque’ pictures to strangers. Would you walk up to a stranger on the street and strip down? No? Then why do it to a total stranger online?
#35
Not being “allowed” to have opposite s*x friends. In a healthy, normal adult life, you can have friends of all identities and it shouldn’t be a problem. Getting mad at your partner for having friends is just weird.
#36
Maybe not “normal” but bringing or suggesting to bring another person into the relationship.
Even worse if you have kids. I’ve known 2 couples who have done this. Both couples are divorced now.
#38
Following the toxic advice of 'in order to get over someone you need to get under someone else'.
#40
The pressure to get married. I can think of many great reasons a couple may wait 10 years to get married, but very few good reasons to have a 2 year dating to married turnaround. .
#41
No label situationships. No one asking you to get married on date 2, but at least figure out what the relationship is.
#42
Looking through a partner's phone. Not just for the obvious aspect of jealousy and mistrust, but it violates the privacy of your partner's loved ones. When I text you, I am texting you, not your partner. I don't want my friends' partners looking through our text messages.
#44
"I know we were dating but we never officially said we were exclusive so you can't get mad I slept with someone else".
#45
Expecting excessive money spending on first dates.
"If it's not a high class restaurant, I don't even bother going".
#47
The expectation for constant communication through text or social media. This expectation makes it really easy for love bombers to disguise their tactics.
#50
Ghosting, ESPECIALLY if you go out on a few dates already. Ik most people take the hint after one date if they stop messaging, but if you’ve seen this person, especially a few times, it just shows a huge level of disrespect and leaves them confused as to why you don’t want to see them again. While I know mental health can impact ones actions (I’m very depressed lol) I don’t go out of my way to go on multiple dates with someone and straight up ghost them- you simply just say “hey I don’t think this is gonna work out- it’s nothing against you, I just need some time alone”.
#51
Seeing numerous people at the same time. Not even trying to take the time to get to know one person before moving on. Just as many as possible, as if this is the way to find the right person.
#54
It seems to me that society as a whole is moving to using Apps as the only way to start dating. Don't date colleagues, don't date friends, don't approach anyone organically because they're there to work/shop/relax/work out...
Just use tinder or Bumble and let some s****y algorithm designed to maximize profits decide who and how to date. We're now judging everybody on a never changing pattern of designed Apps: some pictures, a fun and original Bio, a quirky fact, my love language and an opening move.
I'm not talking about pickup artists and how to get someone's number BS, I'm talking about actual encounters and maybe seeing someone frequently and ask them out because you feel a connection. It seems like this is being frowned upon more and more. We don't see other people as being dateable, unless we stumble upon them swiping brainlessly. I think this leads to loneliness because it also makes people stop commiting. Something minor might suddenly be an ick and you ghost them for the next one walking by before even talking about it with the person. .
#55
Ohhh I could make a list a mile long
—Ghosting someone you’ve met in person for any reason other than safety concerns.
—“Breadcrumbing” behavior of feigning interest in someone just to have them in reserve while you look for someone better.
—Spending entire dates talking to other people on your phone or planning entire dates around taking photos for social media.
—Imagining red flags because of something seen on social media, or ignoring red flags for the same reason
—The “non exclusivity without clarity” baseline
—Expecting, or even insisting on, a partner who shares all your same opinions because the internet hive mind made us think that’s normal.
—Oversharing about our dates and s*x lives with acquaintances and strangers in ways that violate the privacy of the partner.
#56
Social media, sending pictures, over communicating
I screwed up one time over sharing via text and I regret it so much. I was vulnerable and thought we were on the same page. It was a great reminder that the slow burn relationship is the best strategy for building trust and long term success, friendship or romantic or whatever. I won’t do any relationship building through technology anymore.
#57
That she is always right.
It's very normal for people to believe that the woman is right. And with some experience, I might also add that it's mostly been true for me. However, I've also seen a ton of people normalize this to a point where if he makes a good point, she is still the one who's right.
#61
I know I’m going to be insanely downvoted for this but casual s*x. When you share that level of intimacy you are giving away a piece of your soul. I’m not saying you have to wait until you are married to share intimacy. But hooking up and or having s*x with a person that you barely know or don’t have deep feelings for it’s incredibly destructive to your soul. And don’t tell me that you haven’t woke up feeling that hollow ‘yuk’ the morning after. Because if you’ve done it you know it.
#62
Hook up culture. Don't get me wrong, I'm not encouraging purity culture as that is just as problematic. I have no qualms with people hooking up, but I really hate the emotional fallout afterwards.
Sure it feels great in the moment, but then you are never quite sure where you stand in the cold light of day. Even now, I never know where I stand with someone after we have s*x as questioning things somehow makes it weird. Or me seem needy.
I began dating during peak hook up culture in the 00s and the emergence of dating apps, which has definitely left me with some trust issues.
To be honest, I think everyone has been stung by hook up culture and I just wish people treated each as humans - rather than emotional-less bodies to fill a gap.
Maybe this is just me though...
What do you think ?
Katiekat 9 months ago
Wow, I dunno about all this. I'm 57, was married twice for 25 years, haven't dated since the 90s. So much of this seems rather young people problems. Every bit of this could be solved by knowing what your own individual likes and preferences are, as well as what your hard no's are. Add some honest, open, up-front communication, then take a day or two to process and make your decision about going forward. When someone tells you who they are, believe them. Don't ignore your gut. Better to be alone and peaceful than dating someone who brings all the drama. I choose my peace every time, and a man would have to add to that to get my companionship long term.
Dirk Daring 9 months ago
Whenever I see a shared Facebook account like "Bob and Sally Jones", I immediately wonder which one got caught.
Katiekat 9 months ago
Wow, I dunno about all this. I'm 57, was married twice for 25 years, haven't dated since the 90s. So much of this seems rather young people problems. Every bit of this could be solved by knowing what your own individual likes and preferences are, as well as what your hard no's are. Add some honest, open, up-front communication, then take a day or two to process and make your decision about going forward. When someone tells you who they are, believe them. Don't ignore your gut. Better to be alone and peaceful than dating someone who brings all the drama. I choose my peace every time, and a man would have to add to that to get my companionship long term.
Dirk Daring 9 months ago
Whenever I see a shared Facebook account like "Bob and Sally Jones", I immediately wonder which one got caught.
Related on Bored Panda
