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“It’s Not The Same”: Mom Livid Daughter Called Her A “Sugar Baby” Despite Showing The Same Behaviors Herself
It’s natural for moms to want the best for their kids. And it’s equally natural to forget oneself and to start crossing boundaries with kids for that very reason. And it’s even more equally natural to forget oneself period and slowly but surely become a hypocrite in the eyes of the kid. So, natural, sure, but is it justified, that’s for folks to say.
And say they did. The Am I The A-Hole community has been discussing a story that covered all of these aspects. A woman approached the subreddit with her story of how her mom kept referring to her as a “sugar baby” because of her rich boyfriend, yet she ended up becoming a “sugar baby” as well, but couldn’t accept it when her daughter pointed that out.
More Info: Reddit
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It’s natural for moms to be protective of their daughters, but it can get out of hand if they’re not careful
Image Credits: Lili Vieira de Carvalho (not the actual photo)
The story goes that OP’s (22-year-old female) mother (37-year-old female) got pregnant at a very young age—the math says at around 15 years of age—and the dad was never really in the picture with OP growing up. But the mom is said to have always been very hard working, ensuring her own independence, and proud of it.
And there’s nothing wrong with being proud of your hard work. Except when it goes to your head. You see, OP has a long-time boyfriend who comes from a well-off family. That and him showering OP with gifts was an immediate red flag for the mother.
The out of hand part here is in the form of hypocrisy and beef between a mother and daughter who both became “sugar babies” but one wasn’t happy about it
This in turn led to the mom learning the term “sugar baby” and since then she has put a name to this situation, which is not the case, according to OP. She made several attempts at explaining herself and how the relationship is genuine, but the mother’s personal experience and sense of security seemingly don’t allow her to be at ease about it.
OP’s boyfriend has suggested ignoring this, but it is hard, as it feels like the mother is losing respect for the daughter, and the daughter has always admired the mother’s independence and hard work.
Image Credits: cosmic_jet (not the actual photo)
Until one day when OP found out about mom’s new boyfriend, 45-year-old Ben. All’s fine and dandy, but it turns out Ben’s often sending her nice stuff, like weekly flowers, cards, even jewelry, and taking her out to nice places. While OP is very happy for her mom, she can’t shake off the feeling of hypocrisy.
Well, it all culminated in OP getting matching rings from her beloved boyfriend and a subsequent comment from the mother about the whole “sugar baby” thing. But the universe was onto it and Ben’s flowers arrived, along with an invitation to a fancy restaurant, just in time for some immediate karmic justice.
Smiling, OP pointed out that they’re now both sugar babies. Mom’s flowery smile turned upside down. “It wasn’t funny, that was different,” she said. When OP left with her boyfriend, she got a text from her mom saying the two of them will have to have a talk, elaborating that OP will have to apologize because “it’s not the same.”
The AITA community ruled that OP, the daughter, was not wrong in being snarky and calling out her mother’s hypocrisy
But the AITA community was having none of it. The top comment gave an explanation on why it’s not the same: “You’re right, it’s not the same. I was just trying to make a point. You, on the other hand, have repeatedly disrespected my boyfriend and my relationship, and I’m still waiting for my apology.” Needless to say, that was an NTA ruling.
But in all seriousness, folks said that what she did was very much the same—just that she did not want to admit it. Some speculated that it might have been out of jealousy, while others pointed their fingers at competitiveness. Whatever the case, many suggested going ahead with the talk and hearing her out.
Some have given her the benefit of the doubt, explaining that she does seem to be, at heart, looking out for what’s best for her daughter. She worked hard and she understands the dangers of this situation. It still didn’t stop people from giving the NTA treatment, but at least they saw the other side.
You can check out the post in context right here, or if you need more indirect conflict in your life, you can go for this, this or even this article to sate that appetite.
But before you go, tell us your thoughts on this whole situation in the comment section below!
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What do you think ?
JuniorCJ82 3 years ago
So she taught you to speak up for yourself but lost her s**t when you finally did? Absolutely NTA.
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 3 years ago
She sounds bitter because she had a hard time when she was younger
Monday 3 years ago
You'd think she'd be happy that her daughter is happy and having an easier time...
Load More Replies...
Robyn Ward 3 years ago
Nothing wrong with being a "sugar baby", far better than a "Gold Digger" which it looks like the mother is mixing it all up with.
L̸1̶z̵ 3 years ago
You got down voted, so take my upvote. I also think you might be right.
Load More Replies...
blatherskitenoir 2 years ago (edited)
The mom likely feels as if her great guy and getting to relax was something she earned "at last"--a reward for decades of hard work and endurance. She doesn't need him, but enjoys him. Her daughter, though, she likely views with a mixture of concern and smidge of envy. Her daughter is skipping over all of the work and going straight to the end. And maybe that'll turn out well. Maybe they will manage to navigate the class differences, maybe their relationship is for the long haul, maybe she'll use his resources to build something for herself in her own right. Or, maybe she'll get dumped next year, maybe she'll wind up a waste of an unhappy, depressed housewife and nothing else, maybe she'll get traded in for a younger model at age 40-50 and be left penniless. The daughter doesn't have her feet yet; the mom is concerned she's just going to be swept along. And snarky digs like this aren't going to convince mom she isn't a childish teenager who will be fine if things go pear shaped.
Pudgy Panda 3 years ago
Neither one of you is a sugar baby. Those are girls who go on websites searching for wealthy, usually older sugar daddies to give them money and material goods in exchange for sex. Very clear cut transactional relationships, in other words.
Anton Swanepoel 3 years ago
Am I the only one bothered by the fact that we're all forced to read the same story twice on Bored Panda? First, "the author" begins the story, followed by the words of the actual writer. This pattern is repeated until the story conclusion, where Bored Panda writers tell us what the public reaction to the story was - followed by the actual comments. What makes this even more silly is that these stories are mostly ripped from Reddit or Buzzfeed anyway.
Jennifer Albritton 3 years ago
If you see it, you own it. Often times we recognize a behavior in someone else that annys us bc we ourselves have that same tendency
CL Rowan 3 years ago
What, she's upset that you have a man who treats you well and doesn't infantilize you? Did she want you to suffer as she supposedly did? I thought parents always wanted *better* for their kids~~or does she believe that you're so 'weak~minded' that you can't make your own way, be independent, and *still* have a BF who wants to spend $$ on you? Low opinion from a hypocrite of a mommy.
NamiKoa 3 years ago
This is sad. Why can't they both just be happy for themselves and each other to have found loving, caring partners? What an entirely unnecessary conflict.
JuniorCJ82 3 years ago
So she taught you to speak up for yourself but lost her s**t when you finally did? Absolutely NTA.
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 3 years ago
She sounds bitter because she had a hard time when she was younger
Monday 3 years ago
You'd think she'd be happy that her daughter is happy and having an easier time...
Load More Replies... Robyn Ward 3 years ago
Nothing wrong with being a "sugar baby", far better than a "Gold Digger" which it looks like the mother is mixing it all up with.
L̸1̶z̵ 3 years ago
You got down voted, so take my upvote. I also think you might be right.
Load More Replies... blatherskitenoir 2 years ago (edited)
The mom likely feels as if her great guy and getting to relax was something she earned "at last"--a reward for decades of hard work and endurance. She doesn't need him, but enjoys him. Her daughter, though, she likely views with a mixture of concern and smidge of envy. Her daughter is skipping over all of the work and going straight to the end. And maybe that'll turn out well. Maybe they will manage to navigate the class differences, maybe their relationship is for the long haul, maybe she'll use his resources to build something for herself in her own right. Or, maybe she'll get dumped next year, maybe she'll wind up a waste of an unhappy, depressed housewife and nothing else, maybe she'll get traded in for a younger model at age 40-50 and be left penniless. The daughter doesn't have her feet yet; the mom is concerned she's just going to be swept along. And snarky digs like this aren't going to convince mom she isn't a childish teenager who will be fine if things go pear shaped.
Pudgy Panda 3 years ago
Neither one of you is a sugar baby. Those are girls who go on websites searching for wealthy, usually older sugar daddies to give them money and material goods in exchange for sex. Very clear cut transactional relationships, in other words.
Anton Swanepoel 3 years ago
Am I the only one bothered by the fact that we're all forced to read the same story twice on Bored Panda? First, "the author" begins the story, followed by the words of the actual writer. This pattern is repeated until the story conclusion, where Bored Panda writers tell us what the public reaction to the story was - followed by the actual comments. What makes this even more silly is that these stories are mostly ripped from Reddit or Buzzfeed anyway.
Jennifer Albritton 3 years ago
If you see it, you own it. Often times we recognize a behavior in someone else that annys us bc we ourselves have that same tendency
CL Rowan 3 years ago
What, she's upset that you have a man who treats you well and doesn't infantilize you? Did she want you to suffer as she supposedly did? I thought parents always wanted *better* for their kids~~or does she believe that you're so 'weak~minded' that you can't make your own way, be independent, and *still* have a BF who wants to spend $$ on you? Low opinion from a hypocrite of a mommy.
NamiKoa 3 years ago
This is sad. Why can't they both just be happy for themselves and each other to have found loving, caring partners? What an entirely unnecessary conflict.
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