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Husband Shares Painful Story About A Vacation That Exposed Cracks In His 20+ Year Marriage
Chores, errands, and unexpected challenges can quietly erode intimacy, making partners more distant than they were when they exchanged their vows.
One Reddit user recently shared a story on r/AmIOverreacting about a family vacation he will probably remember for the rest of his life.
It was supposed to be a relaxing getaway, but it quickly turned into a hellish ordeal as his wife unleashed years of pent-up frustration, deeply hurting his feelings and leaving him reeling from the intensity of her words—so much so that he asked the internet for advice.
RELATED:
Sometimes, years of compromise give way to frustration and resentment that couples don’t even notice building
Image credits: unsplash (not the actual photo)
During a family vacation, this man discovered his wife felt he had “wasted” her life
Image credits: unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: pexels (not the actual photo)
Some research suggests that women often set the emotional tone in a marriage
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
There’s a paper that helps contextualize this particular case. Psychologist Ashley Ermer and colleagues at Montclair State University examined nearly 1,400 married couples in their fifties to seventies over eight years to see how loneliness shifts within marriage and what factors matter most.
The research showed that the quality of relationships counts more than quantity: a few meaningful connections ease loneliness better than a large network. Friendships, in particular, offered more protection than family ties, since friendships can be chosen rather than endured.
The study also revealed that husbands’ and wives’ loneliness was not strongly correlated and did not necessarily grow more similar with time. Instead, wives’ initial loneliness predicted future loneliness for both partners, suggesting that women often set the emotional tone of the marriage. For husbands, loneliness later in life was linked to marital strain, while wives’ loneliness depended more on how many close friends they had.
Taken together, these findings suggest that men tend to rely more heavily on their wives for social connection, while women can draw resilience from outside friendships.
After his story went viral, the man released an update, answering some of the most frequently asked questions
Image credits: unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ApprehensiveBreakup
What happened to this couple isn’t that unique
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Psychotherapist Richard B. Joelson says that too many romantic partnerships fail in a way that shocks one (or sometimes both) parties.
According to him, these couples experience ‘death by a thousand cuts,’ meaning major negative changes that happen slowly and in many, often unnoticed increments.
“Retrospective analyses or ‘autopsies’ of relationships in jeopardy or that have failed often reveal what I call ‘erosion of affection,'” Joelson writes.
“When issues between partners are not adequately and amicably resolved and therefore become chronic grievances, the potential for irreparable damage is great. Affection is diminished, and negative perceptions replace whatever positive ones might have previously existed.”
Even if our Redditor and his wife decide to work on their marriage, there are no guarantees they will save it.
“Many couples that eventually seek counseling for their troubled relationship arrive at a therapist’s office when the erosion of affection has caused possibly irreparable damage, thus making the therapeutic enterprise a more complicated, if not doomed, endeavor,” explains Joelson, who has been working as a psychotherapist since 1970.
“It helps if both partners have or can be helped to have sufficient reflective awareness to acknowledge responsibility for the now troubled union and be willing to do the necessary work of restoration and repair. It is especially helpful if neither partner has quietly consulted an attorney and if the subject of separation or divorce has not been part of the recent dialogue between them.”
People have had a lot to say about this marriage
Eventually, the man found the courage to confront his wife
Image credits: pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ApprehensiveBreakup
And he continued to talk to the people in the comments
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What do you think ?
on second thought.... 5 months ago
He says quite a few times that her family is right in backing her up. Honestly, if one of my sisters walked around loudly making denigrating and insulting comments about her husband for others to hear I would most certainly NOT back her up. Bad behaviour like that is unacceptable!
Kiss Army 5 months ago
Exactly! I used to have to defend my husband to my family and tell then to STFU because they thought my husband was "lazy" since where he worked he was classified as part-time because he was only guaranteed 5 hours a day. His job had health insurance for the family for FREE (USA), we paid no premiums and nominal co-pays with a $2,000/year cap for the family. He had a retirement package too that also included continuing the health plan until we are eligible for Medicare for $200/month. He is now retired and working at my workplace. In 5 years he will be vested here and will be able to draw a small (second) retirement. At that time we will both retire and I will have a nice retirement from here because I will have 38 years in and I will have a second retirement from an optional second retirement fund offered by my workplace. This will happen before he is 65 and before I am 60. Our house and bills will all be paid and we will have 4 retirements. So much for lazy.
Load More Replies...
FreeTheUnicorn 5 months ago
She's not a good person. Good people don't act like that. If she's making more than you, she'll pay you alimony. She only brought OP on the trip to humilate him, otherwise she'd just go by herself.
KatSaidWhat 5 months ago
Ok, would "my wife hates me and we are now separating after she went nuclear and told me what she really thought after a bad family vacation" be the TL/DR we really needed?
Bewitched One 5 months ago
He did say he was neurodivergent lol but you are better than even I at summarizing things!!
Load More Replies... Chrystina Sumpter 5 months ago
I lost my Mom to cancer when I was 21. She was a teacher. Before she died she told me that except for being our mother, her life was a failure. The day of her funeral, her school let out for the day because so many of her students attended. So many people signed the book that there wasn’t enough space and people were signing in the margins and on the fly leaves. One young woman came to every visitation and sat in the back alone. After the funeral she told me my Mom was the best teacher she ever had and that she would never forget her. Years later when I went to law school, I was approached by a former student who told me she wouldn’t be in law school if it wasn’t for my mother. For 40 years I have worked very hard to be the kind of ‘failure’ my Mom was.
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 5 months ago (edited)
Sorry, but is OP nuts, or brainwashed? He's said multiple times that wife is a good person and everything is his fault, but everything I've read just confirms that she is a shallow, selfish, raging piece of s**t. WHY are you defending this vile b***h, OP? I actually got annoyed after the last one. Grow some self worth ffs!
Kiss Army 5 months ago
As I was reading this, I was starting to wonder if his wife was having mental issues because she is acting so unhinged... then I started to wonder if she has begun menopause, I know my behavior was a bit "off" when it began for me (though not to this extent).
Aniviel 5 months ago
I was an absolute B with an itch at times when in perimenopause. It could certainly be a contributing factor in this case.
Load More Replies... Tabitha 5 months ago
OP needs to realize he won’t be out on the street. The spouse who makes more money is the one who has to pay alimony/child support to the spouse who makes less. So he could be in line to get support from her. Not child support, because their son is now too old, but she could be required to pay his rent, or at least a good chunk of it. He needs to save all emails and texts from her, and if it’s legal in his state, start recording her a*****e phone calls, then hand them to his attorney—-and I hope he hires a SAVAGE divorce attorney—-to use against her in court. Once all that’s settled and the divorce is final, OP can take some time to decompress, then dip his toe back in the dating pool. This time I hope he finds himself an angel. He deserves it after 23 years with the devil in disguise.
Aboredpanda 5 months ago
He won't get a savage lawyer, he seems the type who would find that morally wrong. He feels he's done wrong by her and doesn't want to add to injury. Obvs I don't agree with him on this but... people make their own choices.
Load More Replies...
Reba Golden 5 months ago
I think she never got over her miscarriage. Therapy would have been good for her. If her life was so bad all these years, she could have left. Teaching is a career to be proud of.
spacer 5 months ago
your seed can be as healthy as can be, but a miscarriage is more so her body rejecting the fetus thinking its a "foreign" object like a virus thus attacks it. its no ones fault. im also wondering if the wife has hit her menopause and whether that is changing her views and personality. some women can do a 180 and need to actually get hormone treatment for it and she seems about the age for it. poor guy though, hes blaming himself way too much.
on second thought.... 5 months ago
He says quite a few times that her family is right in backing her up. Honestly, if one of my sisters walked around loudly making denigrating and insulting comments about her husband for others to hear I would most certainly NOT back her up. Bad behaviour like that is unacceptable!
Kiss Army 5 months ago
Exactly! I used to have to defend my husband to my family and tell then to STFU because they thought my husband was "lazy" since where he worked he was classified as part-time because he was only guaranteed 5 hours a day. His job had health insurance for the family for FREE (USA), we paid no premiums and nominal co-pays with a $2,000/year cap for the family. He had a retirement package too that also included continuing the health plan until we are eligible for Medicare for $200/month. He is now retired and working at my workplace. In 5 years he will be vested here and will be able to draw a small (second) retirement. At that time we will both retire and I will have a nice retirement from here because I will have 38 years in and I will have a second retirement from an optional second retirement fund offered by my workplace. This will happen before he is 65 and before I am 60. Our house and bills will all be paid and we will have 4 retirements. So much for lazy.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 5 months ago
She's not a good person. Good people don't act like that. If she's making more than you, she'll pay you alimony. She only brought OP on the trip to humilate him, otherwise she'd just go by herself.
KatSaidWhat 5 months ago
Ok, would "my wife hates me and we are now separating after she went nuclear and told me what she really thought after a bad family vacation" be the TL/DR we really needed?
Bewitched One 5 months ago
He did say he was neurodivergent lol but you are better than even I at summarizing things!!
Load More Replies... Chrystina Sumpter 5 months ago
I lost my Mom to cancer when I was 21. She was a teacher. Before she died she told me that except for being our mother, her life was a failure. The day of her funeral, her school let out for the day because so many of her students attended. So many people signed the book that there wasn’t enough space and people were signing in the margins and on the fly leaves. One young woman came to every visitation and sat in the back alone. After the funeral she told me my Mom was the best teacher she ever had and that she would never forget her. Years later when I went to law school, I was approached by a former student who told me she wouldn’t be in law school if it wasn’t for my mother. For 40 years I have worked very hard to be the kind of ‘failure’ my Mom was.
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 5 months ago (edited)
Sorry, but is OP nuts, or brainwashed? He's said multiple times that wife is a good person and everything is his fault, but everything I've read just confirms that she is a shallow, selfish, raging piece of s**t. WHY are you defending this vile b***h, OP? I actually got annoyed after the last one. Grow some self worth ffs!
Kiss Army 5 months ago
As I was reading this, I was starting to wonder if his wife was having mental issues because she is acting so unhinged... then I started to wonder if she has begun menopause, I know my behavior was a bit "off" when it began for me (though not to this extent).
Aniviel 5 months ago
I was an absolute B with an itch at times when in perimenopause. It could certainly be a contributing factor in this case.
Load More Replies... Tabitha 5 months ago
OP needs to realize he won’t be out on the street. The spouse who makes more money is the one who has to pay alimony/child support to the spouse who makes less. So he could be in line to get support from her. Not child support, because their son is now too old, but she could be required to pay his rent, or at least a good chunk of it. He needs to save all emails and texts from her, and if it’s legal in his state, start recording her a*****e phone calls, then hand them to his attorney—-and I hope he hires a SAVAGE divorce attorney—-to use against her in court. Once all that’s settled and the divorce is final, OP can take some time to decompress, then dip his toe back in the dating pool. This time I hope he finds himself an angel. He deserves it after 23 years with the devil in disguise.
Aboredpanda 5 months ago
He won't get a savage lawyer, he seems the type who would find that morally wrong. He feels he's done wrong by her and doesn't want to add to injury. Obvs I don't agree with him on this but... people make their own choices.
Load More Replies... Reba Golden 5 months ago
I think she never got over her miscarriage. Therapy would have been good for her. If her life was so bad all these years, she could have left. Teaching is a career to be proud of.
spacer 5 months ago
your seed can be as healthy as can be, but a miscarriage is more so her body rejecting the fetus thinking its a "foreign" object like a virus thus attacks it. its no ones fault. im also wondering if the wife has hit her menopause and whether that is changing her views and personality. some women can do a 180 and need to actually get hormone treatment for it and she seems about the age for it. poor guy though, hes blaming himself way too much.
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