Woman Asks If She’s A Jerk For Calling Her Fiancé An “Embarrassment” Because He Repeatedly Tried To Overstep Her Boundaries During A Getaway With Her Family
Interview
Recently, a frustrated mom to two boys turned to the AITA community on Reddit to ask for a moral judgment.
In a post that amassed 24.8k upvotes, the woman explained that she invited her fiance to join her family’s vacation for the first time. “I explained to him prior to us coming to our family retreat that during our week stay with the family, my kids do not have a bedtime,” the mom recounted and added that “this is how it has always been.”
But this family custom didn’t sit well with the stepdad and that’s when things got tense.
A stepdad tried controlling the kids’ bedtime despite their mom telling him it’s a long family custom that they don’t have one during vacation, sparks a heated conflict
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
Image credits: davidpereiras (not the actual photo)
Image credits: nicolerohrerphoto (not the actual photo)
Credits: Fit-Respond3512
Bored Panda reached out to Anisa Lewis, a positive parenting coach, who shared some thoughts about the benefits of having routines for your kids and whether parents can sometimes make exceptions to their rules. “Routines are wonderful, they help children and families predict what is going to happen and create a flow to an evening that helps children to feel secure,” Anisa said.
“However, holidays/trips/vacations are where routines usually slip and this is ok, if this works for your family and kids. Some children can’t cope with changes to routine so maintaining them wherever you are is important.”
Meanwhile, others thrive on spending more quality time with their parents, friends and loved ones, Anisa argues, and can cope with the routine slipping a bit for a period of time. “Other children need their sleep and won’t function as well the next day without as much. Know your kids, know your family and do what is right for them,” the parenting coach explained.
Anisa is an advocate of a rhythm and flow to the bedtime routine, “a predictable set of things that help trigger the body into knowing it is time for rest and sleep. This routine can then kick into action when it needs to, to show the flexibility a family might need to adapt to changes in moods, behavior or emotions or perhaps activities that occur on different days of the week.”
She believes that there should be a routine in place but she battles with the word “strict”: “It has to work for your family and every family is different.”
When asked if it’s wise for parents to make exceptions to their own parenting rules, Anisa said it depends on the situation, each family and their needs, since consistency in parenting is a very useful tool.
“However, from time to time, when potentially it has been clearly communicated and discussed with the family such as going away on vacation that the rules might look different, this is healthy and is a way of demonstrating to everyone that communication, adapting and possibly flexibility to navigate different situations is key.”
The author later added some more information in the comments
It’s no secret that many parents lose sleep over getting their children to sleep. But it turns out there’s a scientific reason why having a good night’s sleep at a young age is so crucial. And it has to do with sleep affecting a growth hormone in children who are still growing.
According to Brandon Peters, neurologist and sleep medicine specialist, growth hormone is secreted during the night during specific sleep stages. “Deep, non-REM sleep that occurs early in the night seems especially important for its secretion. This sleep predominates in the first third of the night.”
Moreover, Peters argues that if this sleep that happens in the first third of the night is disrupted, the growth may not occur normally. “Children who are affected may begin to fall off their growth curve: for example, if a child was in the 50th percentile by height and weight in early development, the affected child may fall into the 10th percentile over time,” he explains in this article.
On the other hand, Natalie Nevares, a sleep-training expert and founder of Mommy Wise, argues that for particular families who practice “unschooling” (not being tied to a school schedule), the lack of bedtime may work.
However, she says that it’s not recommended for families who are living within the confines of schedules in other aspects of their lives. Moreover, for younger kids, early bedtime is more often than not a crucial part of their daily lives.
And many people expressed their support
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The commenter who said “The mask is slipping” is 100% correct. He was on his “good” behavior until you got engaged and he’s sure he’s got you. Now he’s starting to relax, all the prior “good” behavior is evaporating, and he’s becoming his real self. It will only get worse, and you and your kids will suffer under his iron fist, once he feels he’s got you under his total control. Can you really see a happy future with him? RUN. FAST. NOW! The hell with couples therapy. He’ll only adapt his behavior to say whatever he thinks the therapist and you want to hear. He may even low key make YOU look like the bad guy. No. Break off the engagement and kick the man, and his angry sighing, to the curb. Don’t budge when he inevitably comes running back, begging your forgiveness, and promising to change. He won’t. He’ll just go back to his “good” behavior until he thinks he’s got you again, is that the future you want? Even your family thinks so, though they’re not saying it—-yet. You and your kids deserve better than this miserable controlling f**k.
Wish I could up vote this more than once!
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Wait, he's afraid the kids are going to look at her sexually if she were to walk around in a sports bra? This man comes from a f**ked up household.
Yeah, my first thought was: being around kids is bringing up issues from his own upbringing he might not even have known where there. It's amazing how much the stuff we'Ve internalized from our own parents crops up when we have kids. He might not be as much as a red flag as people are saying, but he needs to do some serious self-reflection on where those attitudes are coming from
Load More Replies...
He is specifically imposing his rules in front of her family. It is egoism on display, he is showing he is in charge publicly despite their discussions privately, establishing the expectation that he be treated as the dominant force in the family. Huge red flag plus his attitude to the kids access to food and drink at home. He will turn on them all once married and in a very bad way...she needs to run fast.
The commenter who said “The mask is slipping” is 100% correct. He was on his “good” behavior until you got engaged and he’s sure he’s got you. Now he’s starting to relax, all the prior “good” behavior is evaporating, and he’s becoming his real self. It will only get worse, and you and your kids will suffer under his iron fist, once he feels he’s got you under his total control. Can you really see a happy future with him? RUN. FAST. NOW! The hell with couples therapy. He’ll only adapt his behavior to say whatever he thinks the therapist and you want to hear. He may even low key make YOU look like the bad guy. No. Break off the engagement and kick the man, and his angry sighing, to the curb. Don’t budge when he inevitably comes running back, begging your forgiveness, and promising to change. He won’t. He’ll just go back to his “good” behavior until he thinks he’s got you again, is that the future you want? Even your family thinks so, though they’re not saying it—-yet. You and your kids deserve better than this miserable controlling f**k.
Wish I could up vote this more than once!
Load More Replies... Wait, he's afraid the kids are going to look at her sexually if she were to walk around in a sports bra? This man comes from a f**ked up household.
Yeah, my first thought was: being around kids is bringing up issues from his own upbringing he might not even have known where there. It's amazing how much the stuff we'Ve internalized from our own parents crops up when we have kids. He might not be as much as a red flag as people are saying, but he needs to do some serious self-reflection on where those attitudes are coming from
Load More Replies... He is specifically imposing his rules in front of her family. It is egoism on display, he is showing he is in charge publicly despite their discussions privately, establishing the expectation that he be treated as the dominant force in the family. Huge red flag plus his attitude to the kids access to food and drink at home. He will turn on them all once married and in a very bad way...she needs to run fast.
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