"Mom Chose You, Not Us": Pushy Stepdad Feels Devastated Over Another Harsh Rejection By Stepkids

Every year in the United States, there are over 600K divorces, but approximately 66% of divorcees remarry sooner or later. Considering that couples with children often divorce, the issue of improving relationships between stepparents and stepkids becomes not just crucial – actually vital.

The author of our story today, the user u/Elzouisi8, has faced the same contradictory situation for almost her entire life. On the one hand, her stepfather genuinely wanted to build a good relationship with her and her siblings. On the other hand, he clearly overdid it.

More info: Reddit

Living with angry and vile stepparents is really a nightmare but are the overly nice stepparents actually this good?

Child holding hands with adult in a park, representing stepdad trying to connect while bio dad remains in kids’ hearts.

Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The author of the post is 17 years old, and her parents divorced many years ago, when she was a baby

Teen shares story about stepdad trying to displace bio dad, but his efforts to win kids' hearts continue to fail.

Text excerpt describing a stepdad’s attempts to displace kids’ bio dad, causing awkward and upset family moments.

Text excerpt showing a stepdad’s efforts to displace kids’ bio dad from their hearts causing upset and tension.

Image credits: Elzouisi8

Stepdad and son playing video games together, stepdad trying to connect while kids stay loyal to bio dad’s influence.

Image credits: freepik / Freepik  (not the actual photo)

Then, a few years later, the author’s mom remarried some guy, who started imposing himself as a dad on the stepkids

Text from post describing tension as stepdad tries to displace kids’ bio dad, causing conflict and hurt feelings within the family.

Text about stepdad trying to displace kids' bio dad, causing upset as efforts to replace their dad fail.

Text about stepdad trying to displace kids’ bio dad, involving Father's Day and family interactions causing upset.

Stepdad trying to displace kids' bio dad from their hearts but all his efforts to win them go south.

Image credits: Elzouisi8

Man with beard writing at desk in bright room, symbolizing stepdad trying to displace kids’ bio dad from their hearts

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

At the same time the author’s bio dad was always nearby, since the spouses divorced with a shared custody – and this stepdad’s zeal looked quite weird

Stepdad aggressively tries to replace kids’ bio dad, organizing family events to win their affection but faces resistance.

Text excerpt describing stepdad trying to displace kids’ bio dad by signing cards and forcing activities.

Children frustrated as stepdad tries to displace bio dad from their hearts but fails to gain their love.

Image credits: Elzouisi8

Teen girl looking upset and contemplative, reflecting challenges with stepdad trying to replace bio dad in family dynamics.

Image credits: wavebreakmedia_micro / Freepik (not the actual photo)

So the man’s attempts to make friends with stepkids were fruitless – and the author even moved to her bio dad when she turned 16

Text image with a statement about family dynamics involving stepdad, mom, and two half brothers.

Text excerpt about a stepdad feeling upset and ignored as kids choose to live with their biological dad instead.

Text excerpt showing a child's perspective on stepdad trying to replace bio dad and feelings of rejection and conflict.

Text message discussing the stepdad trying to displace kids’ bio dad and the lack of reciprocation from family.

Image credits: Elzouisi8

Recently the stepdad started reproaching her, and the author answered him harshly that it was their mom who chose him, not the kids, thus making him cry

So, the Original Poster (OP) is now 17 years old, the youngest of three kids born to her parents, who divorced long ago, when our heroine was just a baby. The couple separated under a shared custody arrangement, so the kids spent one week at each of their parents’ homes. A couple of years later, the author’s mom remarried.

No, her new stepdad wasn’t a villain or simply indifferent, as is often the case in such situations. Quite the contrary, from the very first moment he met the children, he tried to impose himself on them as a “second dad” – and he was overly pushy. Especially considering that the bio dad was always somewhere nearby.

Our heroine hoped that after the birth of their own children, the stepfather’s inappropriate zeal would subside, but she was mistaken. He continued to call her “my girl,” insisted on being addressed as “dad” on holiday greeting cards – and was insanely jealous of all three stepkids’ relationship with their biological father.

When the OP turned 16, she moved in with her dad full-time, and this again irritated the stepdad. He went dramatic and claimed that the kids’ treatment all these years had been unfair toward the man their family had chosen as their new dad.

The original poster reasonably countered that their mom had chosen him, not them. The guy burst into tears and then demanded an apology, but the author simply stormed out of the house. Then, after some considerations, she decided to seek support and advice online.

Close-up of a man with a tear rolling down his cheek, showing emotional struggle in stepdad and bio dad conflict.

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

What can be said for certain in this situation is that the original poster’s stepfather may have been a decent person anyway. However, he made one critical mistake in his relationship with his stepchildren, which, by all accounts, actually cost him that relationship. He literally forced the issue, trying to impose himself on them as their dad right off the bat.

Experts do say that for children of almost any age, divorce often feels like a complete collapse of their world, and they subconsciously still hope that their parents will reconsile. So, anyone who stands in the way of this reconciliation, even if it’s a false hope, is invariably viewed with hostility, this dedicated article at BabyYumYum says.

Barbara Greenberg, Ph.D., agrees, bluntly stating in her article on Psychology Today that it takes time for children to perceive a stepparent as a close person. “First, fit into the ongoing family before trying to fit it into the stepparent,” Carl E. Pickhardt, Ph.D., notes on Psychology Today. The author’s stepdad clearly didn’t do this at all.

People in the comments also agreed that the man’s desire to replace the author’s dad has clearly become a form of obsession for him. Some readers were convinced that this seems just gross, to say the least – so the author did the right thing. “I got the creeps just reading this,” someone added. So what’s your opinion about this story? Please feel free to leave your comments below.

Both the experts and the commenters agree that no rush is actually needed in setting up the mixed family relationships – so the stepdad just made one big mistake right from the start

Reddit text discussion about stepdad trying to displace kids’ bio dad and the resulting family tensions.

Reddit thread showing users discussing stepdad trying to displace kids’ bio dad and failing to gain their acceptance.

Online conversation about a stepdad trying to displace kids’ bio dad, discussing family dynamics and sibling relationships.

Online discussion about stepdad trying to replace kids’ bio dad, showing emotional struggle and family relationship challenges.

Reddit user shares experience of stepdad trying to displace kids’ bio dad and struggles with acceptance in family dynamics.

Text discussing a stepdad trying to displace kids’ bio dad, causing emotional conflict and the kids choosing no-contact.

Comment on Reddit discussing a stepdad’s efforts to replace kids’ bio dad and his emotional struggles.

Comment discussing a stepdad trying to replace the kids’ bio dad and the emotional impact of his actions.

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