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Woman Skips Bday Party Sister Planned For Her Over Who She Invited: "Here’s The Kicker - My Ex"
The least people are entitled to on their birthday is deciding how to spend it. Reddit user Unknownlee_0x isn’t really into big celebrations, so she usually just quietly marks the day with her closest friends.
Her sister, however, is different. This year, she decided to throw a surprise party for her sibling—and invited everyone, including her ex.
Unknownlee_0x found out about the plan at the very last minute and was suddenly faced with a choice: go along and embrace the agony or skip it entirely.
RELATED:
Not everyone likes to celebrate their birthday, and that’s ok
Image credits: Liza Summer/Pexels (not the actual photo)
But this woman’s sister organized a surprise party knowing it was the last thing she wanted
The sister even invited her ex and insisted she should see him again
Image credits: SHVETS production/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: unknownlee_0x
How long it takes to recover after a breakup
There’s no one universal formula that tells us how long it will take us to recover from a breakup. But one study from 2021 examined over one million Reddit posts from more than 6,800 users of the platform to come up with an estimate.
It analyzed language patterns, such as the increased use of I-words, we-words, cognitive processing words such as “realize” and “because,” and various other signs of analytical thinking, and found that figures would return to baseline levels within half a year, suggesting that’s how long the recovery process might take.
“The more significant the relationship was to you, the longer it takes to get over,” says Angela Amias, a licensed clinical social worker in Cheyenne, Wyoming.
“The other factor is whether we see the breakup coming and can begin to process the end of the relationship before it actually happens.”
In our particular case, it’s likely the woman was still in a vulnerable state when her sister decided to pull this stunt.
Setting boundaries with your family
According to Ilene S. Cohen, Ph.D., a psychotherapist and blogger teaching in the Department of Counseling at Barry University, setting boundaries isn’t just about protecting ourselves; it’s also about fostering healthier relationships.
“When we set boundaries, we teach others how to treat us, but we also learn to respect the boundaries of others, leading to mutual respect and understanding,” she explains. “This is particularly beneficial in family dynamics, where emotions run high and lines often blur.”
The psychotherapist recommends this blueprint for setting boundaries:
- Identify your boundaries: The first step is understanding what your boundaries are. Thinkn about situations where you felt uncomfortable or disrespected. This will give you a starting point.
- Communicate clearly: Once you know your limits, express them clearly. For example, you could say something along the lines of, “I love hearing from you, but I need the evenings to unwind. Can we chat during the day instead?”
- Say no assertively: It’s OK to say no. You have the right to save your time and energy. Remember, no is a complete sentence.
- Reinforce with actions: Your actions must match your words. Don’t pick up the phone if you’ve said no to evening calls.
- Practice patience: Setting boundaries is a process. It may take time for everyone to adjust. Be patient with yourself and others.
Most people believe the woman made the right call by not going to the party
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Deborah B 8 hours ago
Should have sent a group text: "Hi all, to give you a heads up, I just found out about Saturday. I'm flattered so many of you wish to celebrate my birthday with me. Sadly, Maya set up this party without my consent. I've repeatedly declined, it seems to no avail. I will not be attending. I am NC with my ex, and I'd like to keep it that way. I'm also a determined introvert and parties where I'm the center of attention are something of an ordeal for me, rather than a pleasure. I would love to get together with people individually or in small groups for something more low key, if you'd like to get in touch with me next week. Thank you for respecting my boundries, and for all your good wishes. Love you all, etc." You weren't an a*****e to Maya, but you were a bit to the friends and colleagues who you let spend their day off on a party you intentionally derailed.
Steve 2 hours ago
So, to avoid being an a$$ to the others, she had to sacrifice herself to her sister and be uncomfortable around her ex and the center of a party she didn't want in the first place???
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Deborah B 8 hours ago
Should have sent a group text: "Hi all, to give you a heads up, I just found out about Saturday. I'm flattered so many of you wish to celebrate my birthday with me. Sadly, Maya set up this party without my consent. I've repeatedly declined, it seems to no avail. I will not be attending. I am NC with my ex, and I'd like to keep it that way. I'm also a determined introvert and parties where I'm the center of attention are something of an ordeal for me, rather than a pleasure. I would love to get together with people individually or in small groups for something more low key, if you'd like to get in touch with me next week. Thank you for respecting my boundries, and for all your good wishes. Love you all, etc." You weren't an a*****e to Maya, but you were a bit to the friends and colleagues who you let spend their day off on a party you intentionally derailed.
Steve 2 hours ago
So, to avoid being an a$$ to the others, she had to sacrifice herself to her sister and be uncomfortable around her ex and the center of a party she didn't want in the first place???
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