Mom Is Expecting Her Younger Daughter To Make Her Mentally Ill Daughter Her Bridesmaid, But The Bride-To-Be Can’t See That Happening

Thank you. The family is wrong in so many ways - they have used OP for years.... And as a person with diagnoses - you know...

I feel like this is quite common in families like this. Like, the person who isn't neurotypical always gets an easy out while the rest of the siblings have to pay for that child's consequences. It was definitely the case in my family... and just because your sibling has "issues" it doesn't mean they're not responsible for their actions. When parents allow this behavior to go on and they create this world of "they can do no wrong because they're not neurotypical" that person usually becomes entitled and pushes rhe boundaries knowing they won't have any repercussions. The family is wrong and OP deserves their own life... their perfect day and their own future free from the confines of their siblings issues. Sharing Blood doesn't mean we are obligated to be one another permanent care takers... I hate this idea. Why should you have to compromise on your dreams just because someone in your family can't take care of themselves. Some ppl want to.. but you shouldn't be obligated

Yup. My sister has a severe mental health issue and she gets away with so much because of it. I've let her get away with so much because of it. She has no concept of boundaries and as much as I try to enforce them, I have my own mental health issues, I get exhausted trying to police her behaviour every single time we interact. We've all given her a free pass for far too long and it's made it harder to fix - and that's exactly what I see when I read this story.

i completely agree i have mental health issues and whilst i get its not someone's fault they are responsible for their own actions and using mental health as a way to do what you want is not cool and is the reason for the stigma that having mental health issues brings sometimes too many people play the mental health card when they dont have issues just to get out of doing something or as an excuse for something. definitely NTA

Is it possible that the sister has some personality disorder that makes her behave that way?

[Edited for misread content:] The ideal thing is for the bride to talk to her parents and brothers and say that the only way the sister is allowed at the wedding is if a parent or brother agrees to remove her if she becomes disruptive. Which will be a huge problem if the parents are paying for the wedding. And I bet you anything there's fierce resistance to this, the brothers do NOT want to take any responsibility for the problem child, and the parents DO want to get out of the house and enjoy themselves for once.

About the first thing, sometimes when someone's having a mental breakdown, calling the cops is a very, very bad idea. First off (I'm assuming this is in America), cops can be very trigger-happy. There are numerous cases of cops killing mentally ill people because they are not trained to help them, and are instead trained to 'remove threats'. So if someone who is mentally unstable were to lunge at the cops or move unpredictably, the cop might kill them. This happens fairly frequently in the US, and there's not very much accountability for it. Also, someone who's in a dangerous psychological position could panic and hurt themselves if confronted by cops, as it will startle them. So if this is happening in the US, that's probably why. (Some other countries likely have cops that can deal with this, but in the US the cops are pretty much a paramilitary force.)

I agree with the counseling. As for calling the police - it does not always end well. Some people in crisis will become paranoid if strangers approach them, especially if in uniform. Some police are patient, sensitive, and capable when dealing with someone having a crisis, others will escalate the tension or treat the mentally ill like a deadly threat.

My brother got married on top of a mountain with his now-wife, two other people, and the justice of the peace, just so he could get married without my mother being there. It meant I wasn't able to go either, but it was HIS day and I'm proud of him that he did it right for him.

WildBerry. You took the words out of my literal mouth. I told my phone to "elope and forget them for a day". All the OP is going to have is a memory that will make her want a "do over" if she tries to have a wedding for these people.

If only it were all that easy

Steph - I'm glad it worked out ok for you. My brother's wife did not see her mother or get along with her for years. The mother was not invited to the wedding but showed up anyway and made a scene. :-(

The sad thing, the mental health system in the US at least is so pathetically inadequate that there are no good options for the care of people who have severe lifelong mental illness. Parents are horribly burdened, other family members don't want to be dragged into the endless nightmare of caring for someone with mental illnesses, so siblings (usually girls) get pressed into service, and are expected to take over care when the parents are gone. Some will go along with it, others will chew off their own legs to get out of the trap, and this bride will need to strike a middle path.