Photo Of Baby Lying Next To Mom’s C-Section Scar Shows Us What Mothers Go Through
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Pregnancy and birth happen as they do, yet many women are openly judged if a “not natural” option is chosen. Recently, photographer Helen Aller, from Guernsey, UK, took this intimate photo of a mother and her three-day-old baby boy next to her caesarean incision. The woman, who did not want to be identified, had decided on a vaginal birth, but was forced to have an emergency caesarean due to complications. She wanted a picture taken of the operation that saved her and her baby.
“I photographed this mama’s pregnancy a while back and she was telling me how terrified she was of having a c-section,” wrote Aller on Facebook. “Well last week she went into labor but had to have an emergency c-section after complications. She asked me to come over this morning and shoot this particular image as her worst nightmare proved to be what saved her and her child’s lives.”
More info: Facebook
“[She] wanted something to show that her biggest fear was what in the end saved both of them. I think she will see that scar and appreciate the life they were given”
“I can’t believe the amount of women that are ashamed of their scars and made to feel like they haven’t done the job properly because they didn’t give birth naturally,” Aller wrote on Facebook
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I never heard of any woman who was ashamed of this...ever.....Although the picture is beautiful and yes, I am one of those women who had a C-section due to complications, I sometimes fear that the intention may be right....but the message is brought in a wrong way, perhaps. Should we now doubt the fact that it never ever occured to us to have no such feelings of shame for the fact that we could not deliver a baby *naturally*? I am sure the photographer meant well....but I don't want people to throw a remark about *self doubt during birth* into the world, just to get a little more attention for the photo. But that's just my opinion... I have two scars on my tummy, one saved us during birth, the other one saved me during an almost fatal illness...I wear them with pride :-)
I have been told I didn't "do the job properly" or know what birth is really like because I had a life saving c section. There is shaming towards some mothers who have had sections, how very fortunate you are that you haven't encountered this.
I'm sorry you've encountered this. Not a single woman I know in this world would say that to anyone. I wish you'll find better friends/people to hang around with.
That is not nice at all, Sarah...why? Why would anyone say such a thing. No, no one in my part of the world would ever make such a comment...it makes no sense and speaks about the ignorance and insecurity of those who make such a comment, and has very little to do with you. Do keep that in mind, Sarah. x
Who do you spend your time with? I think you maybe deserve better.
I've actually heard a lot of stories of women being shamed by other women for having c-sections and not going through a "real" birth. I've also personally have seen it happen in mommy groups as well. I have 3 children and made the choice to have my 3rd by c-section after my second child suffered severe head trauma that lead to 2 brain surgeries before he was 18 months old because of birth. First thing my doctor told me afterwards was that she was amazing I managed to have 2 children naturally with the way my body is built. I have also actually had women tell me I should be ashamed of myself for not "trusting in God" that things would be okay. I'm a Christian, but I also believe in making educated decisions. There's actually a whole group of women out there who shame other women for not having children "the way God intended." It's disgusting.
I agree. Some moms who give birth naturally might think they are braver, they are better so they are mean unintentionally to moms who have c-sections. I think its up to a person. Mean people are everywhere. Ignore them.
Dear Melanie, it is truly beyond me, how one can even think to be less of Christian or less of a woman, or even have to endure discussion! In my country (Netherlands) many feel you should give birth at home, unless...unless there is any fear of complication. And epidurals are frowned upon ( I did not care and had one) And then there is the whole breast feeding maffia. You did very well, and I am sure you never doubted whether the choice was right. x
I think the only shame i feel with the c-section is that i never felt how it was like to hold my baby after birth. i feel and will always feel like i missed something and watching this image made me cry. i think it's gorgeous. but you are right, i have no shame in my scar...
I truly hope you don't have shame. Birth, which ever way, is magical and beautiful. Even when it's scary, like my daughter's was. She wasn't breathing and I didn't get to hold her either. So I know how you feel there. All is well now though. I hold her ever the more now that she grows and fills my life with love and all things little girls are. x I hope one day you will get over the feeling you missed something. Try and fill that empty spot with the love you have now. xx
I am thankful. every day!
Ayelet, be thankful for what you do have. Many women don't get the opportunity to have children at all, so the fact that you had a healthy baby is a gift you should cherish.
A hug for you Ayelet x
Personally I wanted a natural birth so bad that even 13 months later I question whether or not the c section was the right thing even though my Dr said it was an emergency. I do feel ashamed and less of a woman because my body couldn't do it naturally. I am not sure why I feel this way exactly but I think it mostly stems from everyone consistently telling me that my body "was made for this [natural birth]." Even my own mom's response when we told her we had to have an emergency c-section were "are you sure you HAVE to?" Like she thought I was opting for an easy way out. (After 21 hours of labor) In the end I'm glad we did it because my baby boy is perfect, healthy, and the love of my life but I will always feel like I am somehow flawed for not being able to "do the job properly."
Clearly there are people and communities that still need a lot of love and education Tiffany, believe me, I ...from my perspective and part of the world, find it unbelievable that any woman should ever feel shame or even feel cheated. I hope that you do understand that there is no right or wrong way to do the job. Unless you conciously sabotage your baby by drinking, smoking or doing drugs. Enjoy your baby, you have done a perfect job! X
I am glad you didn't feel shame, but shame after a c section very much exists. This article did not bring up a new phenomenon. I felt shame after my C section.
I have a really hard time with having had a c section, in a lot of ways. I feel like I cheated, despite still not being quite back to normal almost a year later (random weird abdominal pains near my scar, etc). And several people commented that I got "The easy way out".
"I never heard of any woman who was ashamed of this...ever...." Well, now you have...me. I was young and due to 2 breech births back in the 70's, I had to have 2 C-sections. One scar is vertical, the other horizontal, and I hate them both. I love my 2 daughters with all my heart, but felt the scars were disfiguring.
I am sorry that you did....but probably: you would do it all over again for them. I have no problem with scars, I find them often so human and endearing and showing our human vulnaribility...they tell a story and my scars do so too. The one that saved my life, is very ugly....but the story is much more profound than it may seem. It saved my life in more than one way and I never ever saw it as ugly. ;-) And believe me, it is not very pretty...If someone would make a remark, I would not be offended, not everyone deserves a full explanation;-)))
Imagine the surprise when me and my friend finally spoke about this and realized we both where ashamed of our c-sections. We both felt we had somehow failed and where lesser woman for not being able to give birth naturally. For almost 2 years we did´t know we shared that feeling. For me it´s been 4 years now and it still feels the same...Still the same grief that I could´t do it, and now it´s been fueled by c-sec nr. 2 as my body still would´t work right the second time.... So yes..... some woman are ashamed....
"I never heard of any woman who was ashamed of this...ever.." Well now you have. Me. I had 2 C-sections, both in the 70's. I was young and due to breech births, had to have the C-sections instead. One scar is up and down, the other is across, and I hate them both. I love my girls with all my heart, but hate having those disfiguring scars.
I wasn't lucky enough to get pregnant in the first place (despite lots of trying) but, if I had, I would of had to have a section (as I don't have a cervix). What I'm saying is having a wonderful, precious, healthy baby is the important part and not how it comes into the world. Nobody should feel ashamed of not being able to do it naturally - you do what's best for mum and baby at the time.
To be fair, some woman who push the baby out do judge those who have c-sections. WHY they judge them is beyond me, not every woman is able to give birth in the 'normal' way, for health reasons, and what about when the life of the mother and/or the baby are at serious risk by doing so. C-sections are a wondrous thing and in no way lessen the experience. People who judge must be very very perfect and healthy.
I never heard of any woman who was ashamed of this...ever.....Although the picture is beautiful and yes, I am one of those women who had a C-section due to complications, I sometimes fear that the intention may be right....but the message is brought in a wrong way, perhaps. Should we now doubt the fact that it never ever occured to us to have no such feelings of shame for the fact that we could not deliver a baby *naturally*? I am sure the photographer meant well....but I don't want people to throw a remark about *self doubt during birth* into the world, just to get a little more attention for the photo. But that's just my opinion... I have two scars on my tummy, one saved us during birth, the other one saved me during an almost fatal illness...I wear them with pride :-)
I have been told I didn't "do the job properly" or know what birth is really like because I had a life saving c section. There is shaming towards some mothers who have had sections, how very fortunate you are that you haven't encountered this.
I'm sorry you've encountered this. Not a single woman I know in this world would say that to anyone. I wish you'll find better friends/people to hang around with.
That is not nice at all, Sarah...why? Why would anyone say such a thing. No, no one in my part of the world would ever make such a comment...it makes no sense and speaks about the ignorance and insecurity of those who make such a comment, and has very little to do with you. Do keep that in mind, Sarah. x
Who do you spend your time with? I think you maybe deserve better.
I've actually heard a lot of stories of women being shamed by other women for having c-sections and not going through a "real" birth. I've also personally have seen it happen in mommy groups as well. I have 3 children and made the choice to have my 3rd by c-section after my second child suffered severe head trauma that lead to 2 brain surgeries before he was 18 months old because of birth. First thing my doctor told me afterwards was that she was amazing I managed to have 2 children naturally with the way my body is built. I have also actually had women tell me I should be ashamed of myself for not "trusting in God" that things would be okay. I'm a Christian, but I also believe in making educated decisions. There's actually a whole group of women out there who shame other women for not having children "the way God intended." It's disgusting.
I agree. Some moms who give birth naturally might think they are braver, they are better so they are mean unintentionally to moms who have c-sections. I think its up to a person. Mean people are everywhere. Ignore them.
Dear Melanie, it is truly beyond me, how one can even think to be less of Christian or less of a woman, or even have to endure discussion! In my country (Netherlands) many feel you should give birth at home, unless...unless there is any fear of complication. And epidurals are frowned upon ( I did not care and had one) And then there is the whole breast feeding maffia. You did very well, and I am sure you never doubted whether the choice was right. x
I think the only shame i feel with the c-section is that i never felt how it was like to hold my baby after birth. i feel and will always feel like i missed something and watching this image made me cry. i think it's gorgeous. but you are right, i have no shame in my scar...
I truly hope you don't have shame. Birth, which ever way, is magical and beautiful. Even when it's scary, like my daughter's was. She wasn't breathing and I didn't get to hold her either. So I know how you feel there. All is well now though. I hold her ever the more now that she grows and fills my life with love and all things little girls are. x I hope one day you will get over the feeling you missed something. Try and fill that empty spot with the love you have now. xx
I am thankful. every day!
Ayelet, be thankful for what you do have. Many women don't get the opportunity to have children at all, so the fact that you had a healthy baby is a gift you should cherish.
A hug for you Ayelet x
Personally I wanted a natural birth so bad that even 13 months later I question whether or not the c section was the right thing even though my Dr said it was an emergency. I do feel ashamed and less of a woman because my body couldn't do it naturally. I am not sure why I feel this way exactly but I think it mostly stems from everyone consistently telling me that my body "was made for this [natural birth]." Even my own mom's response when we told her we had to have an emergency c-section were "are you sure you HAVE to?" Like she thought I was opting for an easy way out. (After 21 hours of labor) In the end I'm glad we did it because my baby boy is perfect, healthy, and the love of my life but I will always feel like I am somehow flawed for not being able to "do the job properly."
Clearly there are people and communities that still need a lot of love and education Tiffany, believe me, I ...from my perspective and part of the world, find it unbelievable that any woman should ever feel shame or even feel cheated. I hope that you do understand that there is no right or wrong way to do the job. Unless you conciously sabotage your baby by drinking, smoking or doing drugs. Enjoy your baby, you have done a perfect job! X
I am glad you didn't feel shame, but shame after a c section very much exists. This article did not bring up a new phenomenon. I felt shame after my C section.
I have a really hard time with having had a c section, in a lot of ways. I feel like I cheated, despite still not being quite back to normal almost a year later (random weird abdominal pains near my scar, etc). And several people commented that I got "The easy way out".
"I never heard of any woman who was ashamed of this...ever...." Well, now you have...me. I was young and due to 2 breech births back in the 70's, I had to have 2 C-sections. One scar is vertical, the other horizontal, and I hate them both. I love my 2 daughters with all my heart, but felt the scars were disfiguring.
I am sorry that you did....but probably: you would do it all over again for them. I have no problem with scars, I find them often so human and endearing and showing our human vulnaribility...they tell a story and my scars do so too. The one that saved my life, is very ugly....but the story is much more profound than it may seem. It saved my life in more than one way and I never ever saw it as ugly. ;-) And believe me, it is not very pretty...If someone would make a remark, I would not be offended, not everyone deserves a full explanation;-)))
Imagine the surprise when me and my friend finally spoke about this and realized we both where ashamed of our c-sections. We both felt we had somehow failed and where lesser woman for not being able to give birth naturally. For almost 2 years we did´t know we shared that feeling. For me it´s been 4 years now and it still feels the same...Still the same grief that I could´t do it, and now it´s been fueled by c-sec nr. 2 as my body still would´t work right the second time.... So yes..... some woman are ashamed....
"I never heard of any woman who was ashamed of this...ever.." Well now you have. Me. I had 2 C-sections, both in the 70's. I was young and due to breech births, had to have the C-sections instead. One scar is up and down, the other is across, and I hate them both. I love my girls with all my heart, but hate having those disfiguring scars.
I wasn't lucky enough to get pregnant in the first place (despite lots of trying) but, if I had, I would of had to have a section (as I don't have a cervix). What I'm saying is having a wonderful, precious, healthy baby is the important part and not how it comes into the world. Nobody should feel ashamed of not being able to do it naturally - you do what's best for mum and baby at the time.
To be fair, some woman who push the baby out do judge those who have c-sections. WHY they judge them is beyond me, not every woman is able to give birth in the 'normal' way, for health reasons, and what about when the life of the mother and/or the baby are at serious risk by doing so. C-sections are a wondrous thing and in no way lessen the experience. People who judge must be very very perfect and healthy.