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Kids can be awesome. But as you can see from this hilarious list of tweets compiled by Bored Panda, kids can also be savage! Whether they're commenting on your culinary skills, trying to replace you with a kitten, not so politely telling you to stop singing along to the radio, or threatening to break the family apart if they aren't allowed to go outside to play, this brutally funny collection of tweets will remind you of why you decided to have kids in the first place. Or not. Let us know which one is the funniest, and don't forget to vote for the best!
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#1
Danny Root 8 years ago
When I was younger and didn't want to share something with my mom, she always said "But I shared my body with you for 9 months!"
Šimon Špaček 8 years ago
If I remember correctly, this is not 100% true. Only 25% (four daughters).
Tabitha Taveira 8 years ago
Pretty sure this is just like stand up comedy. These things never happened. BUT, they make for great humor!
RELATED:
#2
🌟Jim Phoenix🌟 8 years ago
That's how I feel about most people in middle school!
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#3
Cat Meow 8 years ago
HAHAHAHA. Good point, kiddo, good point. Now, dad, time to put up a tent in the yard
#4
#5
Amber Ice 8 years ago
Indeed! This will most definitely make the parents snap out of it and think about what they're doing...
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Bethany 8 years ago
Hes saying that if they get divorced he can get one Christmas from dad and one from mom
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Talise Snyder 8 years ago
My parents are divorced and I get the same amount of presents as I did before- just some from each parent
#6
Kyan De Catfish 8 years ago
I cant belive it! The prophecy is true! Voldemort!
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Arlene engel 8 years ago
Maybe the one who picked the lock. He will grow up to be a locksmith or a burglar.
#7
Bunnies are better!! 8 years ago
Whenever I get into trouble over poor judgement or whatever and I have to explain my answer is "poor genetic material"
#8
ugaas wiilhoog 8 years ago
Hence why my mother used to yell at us two hours before we were meant to leave.
#9
Maya Upadhya 4 years ago
tbh i also feel offended by this picture, kids these days are so cruel!
Maya Upadhya 4 years ago
honestly I also feel offended by this picture, kids today are so cruel!
#10
Cat Meow 8 years ago
You should listen to your kid and go back to bed, too. You know you want it
Debbra Walter 8 years ago
I guess I was a bad mommie. When any of my kids said something naughty/clever like that, I couldn't stop myself from laughing. Now I laugh at my funny grandkids.
#11
bloggergirl 8 years ago
i can relate Mum: move your legs Me; *wiggles legs around for a minute then sets them back* Mum: that not what i meant Me: you mean the other version of move my legs Mum*sighs* yes Me: you could have told me that
Cheesybeansy 8 years ago
You need bucket loads of patience to have kids, patience I currently do not possess...
Mónica Elisabeth Sacco 8 years ago
Never argue again with him/her. You lose. Every time from now on. Sorry.
#12
#13
Lakia Hawkins 8 years ago
Kids really know how to insult us parents without seeming like they meant to LOL yes smart, gotta give them credit.
Mishka Katira 4 years ago
good point... well bad guys want control over EVERYONE on the planet, not just their kids.
#14
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#18
bloggergirl 8 years ago
this 6-year-old knows time better than I did when I was younger that kid is smart
🌟Jim Phoenix🌟 8 years ago
I learned how to read a clock at around the same time he did! Thanks dad :P
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David Vavilovas 8 years ago
I swear, this 6 year old sounds like a sassy 18 year old daughter, and I love it
#19
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#22
PandaGirl 8 years ago
Why does a three year old know this!! I figured this out in like 4th grade!!
AnnaJosefin Wall 8 years ago
Why not? He might have asked about it or something. I believe it's better to tell him the simplified truth than lying and tell him about the stork or something.
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Kawaii Lemon 8 years ago
x_x I'm on a library computer and I can't laugh because then I'd be too loud x_X
#23
#24
Koko Sempai 8 years ago
My parents told me that the more you had, the smarter you are (^ v ^ )
#25
#26
Tara Chaput 8 years ago
He was born to a smart a*s mother so I shouldn't be surprised. 😉
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#28
BoredBunny 8 years ago
I had that good handwriting at that age. Some just have better handwriting than others.
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#29
#30
Emily Guacamole 8 years ago
That happened to me at a high school lacrosse game once, only instead of staring at me, he sat down beside me and started screaming
Philippa Denney 8 years ago
He's not about to miss it when you open another packet. I know this look from my dog.
#31
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#33
Marvel Monster 7 years ago
I'm not a hipster, but that's seriously offensive.
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#34
Mónica Elisabeth Sacco 8 years ago
Learning about thermodinamics and compressible fluids. Future engineer
#35
#36
Kerry Alexander 8 years ago
My daughter was crying because she didn't want to turn 4. I asked her why and she said she wanted to be 5. I told her she had to be 4 first and she wailed "But I don't want to be old like you!!!!" I was 27.........
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#41
Kim De Luca Nasland 7 years ago
My son told me when he was about 4, "Mom, they sing so that you don't have to."
Vytas Navickas 8 years ago
my child would RUN out of the room when adults sang Happy Birthday!
#42
#43
Keith Verret 8 years ago
This guy has the greatest kids and it is great they are his and not mine!
#44
darknessIsMyOutfit 8 years ago
When children argue with odd insults or concerning herself with the feelings of the dog? It seems like normal kid behavior.
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#46
Marvel Monster 7 years ago
Not wrong, actually. IF he's the only dad in the house, hes both the worst and best.
#47
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#50
Mizu Okaomi 8 years ago
I hope she has a good backstory, not like the Evil Queen from Snow White
#51
#52
Lakia Hawkins 8 years ago
He was overwhelmed. "I already hate Broccoli, now they have it in soup form" yes punching me in the face LOL
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#53
Anuschka Van Der Veen Kramers 8 years ago
Maybe s/he's got another nice teacher in mind for mom
#54
Judit Thoma 8 years ago
One time I threw my dad's watch into the trash can because he said he didn't need it. Guess, I thought he wouldn't need it later either :)
Emily Fraser 8 years ago
I once threw my sisters gumboot down the toilet, 'to see if it would fit...'
#55
Nuniek Widiayani 8 years ago
Happen to me all the time, and when i already open it i open my mouth widely pretend to eat it and they scream like hell
#56
Lili Képes 8 years ago
Oh, my! :D :D That reminds me when I was 7 and asked my grandma what year she was born. She was really busy working and instead of saying 1926 she just said: "In 26." Than I remained silent for the rest of the day trying to figure out how can someone grow more than 1900 years old.
BoredBunny 8 years ago
50 million years= 8656789876543456789098765434567898765 septillion billion million googol years
Venomous Sloth 8 years ago
Only off by...let's see... 8656789876543456789098765434567898765 x 10^139. Not bad
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#58
Lakia Hawkins 8 years ago
Reminds me of when my 8 yr old was 7 and when were at church dinner and he told the lady, "you got a beard like my daddy". I was so embarrassed that I pretended not to hear him as walked out. I asked him once we got top the truck, why did he say that. He said, "because she does have a beard". SMH.
Marvel Monster 7 years ago
KIDSH THESHE DAYSH!! IMA COME OVER THERE AND WHIP YOUR LIL HEINY! THAT SHOULD TEACH YA TO RESHPECT YA ELDERSH!
#59
Xandra, The Little Hufflepuff 5 years ago
that wouldn't have worked for me, I lost my 2 front teeth at the same time, and then a week later my canines fell out, so I had a four tooth gap in my teeth, I didn't get into fights, or run into things, they just fell out
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#61
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#66
Doggo Froggo 4 years ago
What about the biscuit? Or is that spelt differently? Sorry, spelling is not my strong point!!!
#67
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#69
Doggo Froggo 4 years ago
Not really - if she doesn't like sport, that's her choice. That is just like having a go at someone for shaving their legs. Hopefully the kid will properly understand when they are older.
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#71
BoredBunny 8 years ago
MAR Y H AD A LI T TL E LAM B I T' S FLE ECE W AS WH IT E A S SN OW
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Kassandra Long 8 years ago
My daughter (4) said the other day that she is Elena of Avalor and her daddy is Gabe, the Royal guard. When I asked who I was she said... Shuriki, the evil sorceress who I kill! Yikes!
#73
Anastasia Cyr'Nyth 8 years ago
Isn't everything an accident because we also do something different then what we imagine ourselves doing?
#75
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#81
#82
Jespren Ray 8 years ago
That's what I was thinking, as a mommy of many, I'm totally going to eat that anyway.
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PurpleUnicorn 8 years ago
Who would give a 4yo a full pizza anyway? My 11yo wouldn't eat a full pizza.
Katharina Scherf 8 years ago
I am woundering too. All of my cant eat a whole Pizza.
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Verena Heisenberg 8 years ago
I would not even wait and watch her till something like this happens. "Here's your pizza. Ouh you wanna play with that and chew on every slice? I'm so sorry darling, but that's not something we play with. Eat it, or leave it!"
#83
#84
#85
#86
#87
Wyndmere 8 years ago
Mom went to change loads of laundry. What could happen in the 5 minutes she was gone?
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#88
Anna Wallman 8 years ago
My nineyear old needed explanation of this and I showed her photos. Her comment; "But they aren't all there?". Us; "No, it takes a really long time to make those." "Why don't they make them less beautiful then?"
#89
Kawaii Lemon 8 years ago
Me: *Sees dad looking on the internet at the news and there is a 'cute' chick on the screen* Me: "Hey dad, if you always say 'Mom is the most beautiful woman in the world,' then why are you looking at that chick? Mom: *Stretches neck from kitchen to here* "And there it is" Dad: "well you got me there"
#90
#91
Satellite Skin 8 years ago
Woah now. That's going a bit far. But I do agree with the figure part. Lol
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#94
Katharina Scherf 8 years ago
Why do you repeat "Me" always at all the posts? Isn't it right to say "Me:" if you tell stuff like that?
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#96
#97
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What do you think ?
Brian Beets 8 years ago
My son once told my mother when she came to visit: "I love it when mommy and daddy have date night. They are so excited they went on a date, that after they go to bed they clap for a long time!"....
Autumn Russell 7 years ago
mom:what do you want for christmas this year me at 8 years old: a boyfriend mom:wha..what me today:ugh i hate boys ugh mom today: i was surprised when you where 8 you told me you wanted a boyfriend for christmas so haha yea i hate my mom jk xD
Amy Ethelston 8 years ago
I am an Au Pair and this summer I looked after a 4 year old who on a weekend away made friends with an 8 year old. This convo happened whilst playing with Barbies: 4: Let's take the kids to Borda 8: That place doesn't exist! 4: Well Barbies don't talk Me: *on the brink of pissing myself!*
Amy Ethelston 8 years ago
I'm an au pair and this summer I've looed after a 4 year old and for a weekend away she made friends with an 8 year old Playing with Barbies: 4: lets go to borda 8: that place doesn't exist 4: yeah well barbies don't talk I have never been so close to wetting myself. It was so freaking natural and brilliant!
Blind Oracle 8 years ago
Yay James Breakwell! Y'all need to follow him on Twitter @XplodingUnicorn. He just passed 900K followers. We need to push him over 1M!
Brian Beets 8 years ago
My son once told my mother when she came to visit: "I love it when mommy and daddy have date night. They are so excited they went on a date, that after they go to bed they clap for a long time!"....
Autumn Russell 7 years ago
mom:what do you want for christmas this year me at 8 years old: a boyfriend mom:wha..what me today:ugh i hate boys ugh mom today: i was surprised when you where 8 you told me you wanted a boyfriend for christmas so haha yea i hate my mom jk xD
Amy Ethelston 8 years ago
I am an Au Pair and this summer I looked after a 4 year old who on a weekend away made friends with an 8 year old. This convo happened whilst playing with Barbies: 4: Let's take the kids to Borda 8: That place doesn't exist! 4: Well Barbies don't talk Me: *on the brink of pissing myself!*
Amy Ethelston 8 years ago
I'm an au pair and this summer I've looed after a 4 year old and for a weekend away she made friends with an 8 year old Playing with Barbies: 4: lets go to borda 8: that place doesn't exist 4: yeah well barbies don't talk I have never been so close to wetting myself. It was so freaking natural and brilliant!
Blind Oracle 8 years ago
Yay James Breakwell! Y'all need to follow him on Twitter @XplodingUnicorn. He just passed 900K followers. We need to push him over 1M!
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