Man Attempts Proposing To Girlfriend During Sister’s Unrelated Party, Gets Told To Sit Down And Shut Up
There is an interesting tendency. People value some things because they are good. However, people tend to “forget” that those “good things” always have a context. Choosing to ignore this fact is a well-loved technique for those who want to get all the benefits without ever actually having to earn them. One such example is stealing one’s thunder. The only way to stop this phenomenon is by refusing to play along, which is not easy, as there are often so many others who participate in a play, either because they are not able to recognize it or because they have their own interests at stake.
More info: Reddit
An amazing housewarming celebration turned messy after a woman’s brother decided to use it for his own purposes
Image credits: Nicole Michalou (not the actual image)
While this redditor’s girlfriend was getting dessert, her brother proposed to his girlfriend
Image credits: u/ItsNotMyPartyOrYours
Image credits: RODNAE Productions (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/ItsNotMyPartyOrYours
Before that woman could answer, the redditor told his girlfriend’s brother to sit down and stop being rude to his sister
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual image)
His girlfriend’s brother was mad, the couple left and later messaged this man calling him “a prick”
The story told by this redditor is just a perfect example of stealing one’s thunder. In the story, his girlfriend’s brother proposed to his girlfriend, and one might wonder how one could be so rude as to question such a magical, amazing move. On the flip side, after getting to read the whole story, we feel there might be something unsettling about the overall situation. The whole thing started with his girlfriend buying a house. This woman had just bought a house and was extremely excited about it. One might agree that most people do not go around buying themselves houses just any day. Some would consider themselves lucky for getting to do it once in their lifetime.
On this occasion, the redditor’s girlfriend made an amazing dinner, inviting many people to her housewarming party. Symbolically, right when she was getting a dessert, her brother proposed to his girlfriend. As the redditor puts it, he was mad, because his girlfriend’s brother hijacked her party.
The sad thing, but possibly still worth it, is that many times, not playing along does not “pay off” as highly as stealing someone’s thunder. More often than not, people do not want to acknowledge they did something wrong and both sides end up in a fight. After the redditor told his girlfriend’s brother to sit down and stop being rude and disrespectful to his sister, which, in and of itself, could be regarded as a bit bold and definitely a brave move, the couple ended up leaving. Additionally, the party was very awkward after that and a lot of people left early.
The party was awkward afterwards and the woman’s mother was furious, as she wanted her son “to stop living in sin”
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual image)
At least, the man’s girlfriend thought what he did was sweet, even if he did not have to do so
Obviously, not all the people were happy about the sequence of events, which is first and foremost due to the fact that most people try to avoid conflicts at all costs, even when it might lead to a positive change. First of all, the girlfriend’s brother did not acknowledge he did something wrong and called this man “a prick”. Even the girlfriend’s mother was furious, as she wanted “her son to stop living in sin”. As if hijacking his sister’s housewarming party is somehow needed for that.
At least the redditor’s girlfriend told him that him advocating for her was sweet, even if he did not have to do what he did. But, well, who knows, this might be one of the reasons, why she likes him: for standing up for the right thing, even if it might lead to some ignorant people being angry at him.
Curiously enough, BBC journalists asked people in the streets of London where the well-aimed expression “to steal one’s thunder” came from and every single person pointed to sky, but did not know the exact historical event that gave the expression its name. In 1709, a man named John Dennis needed a thunder sound for his play that was set to run in The Theatre Royal Drury Lane. For this purpose, Dennis invented a special thunder machine that made a noise just like a clap of thunder. Unlike the machine, the play was not successful. For this reason, his play was very soon replaced by a new production of Macbeth; however, when Dennis went to see it, he was outraged as he found the thunder machine was used without asking his permission.
As the story goes, Dennis was shouting: “They will not let my play run, and yet they steal my thunder!” It might be noted that “stealing one’s thunder” is just one of the many English words and phrases whose origin, in one way or another, is related to theatre. Unfortunately, Dennis did not have a patent for his machine, while it is also true one cannot patent every single thing and sometimes gets to voice their disappointment in other people’s behavior, as did this redditor.
The story got 21K upvotes on Reddit and commenters were united in supporting this man. It was emphasized that the woman’s family has a history of hijacking her events and she is already “used to it”, while her youngest brother can get away with anything.
Commenters on Reddit were united in supporting this man, emphasizing that his girlfriend’s family has a history of hijacking her events
I’d love to say he’s cheap using another celebration to propose. Unfortunately my own husband didn’t exactly propose, we just came to an agreement: in the student union bar at 2am. There was sawdust on the floor, and that was the best of it. If you leaned on the table, you got stuck and had to peel yourself off. This place made a cess pit look clean. But hey, the beer was cheap, mainly because they didn’t actually clean the lines at all. We got bottled beer. I have no idea how they managed to ruin that, nevertheless, they did. I’ve taken the Micky out of my husband ever since. I mean, it would’ve been more romantic to propose at a funeral.
But you've got a good story out of it!! I would take a "meh" proposal moment with an amazing guy over an elaborate, amazing proposal from a meh guy.
Load More Replies... I think I have to go soft ESH here. The major AH is the brother, but making it a public rebuke was awkward for all the other guests. And I feel bad for the brother's girl friend/fiancée since she probably had no idea he was going to do that and was likely quite embarrassed. I'm all for telling him why what he did was offensive, but not in a way that ruins the party for my guests. The brother already showed himself to be an AH to anyone there with sense. Making a scene wasn't necessary and caused the party to end early and on a sour note.
I don't understand who these heathens are. It's cheap and tasteless to make someone else's event about you.
Sounds like the brother waited until his sister was out of the room to propose. To me that means he knew it was wrong. OP maybe could have been gentler, but I think it was right for him to interrupt the proposal. It tends to be better to put more focus on the actions than insulting the person doing the actions. So instead of telling the brother he's being selfish and disrespectful, say "Tonight is about celebrating (OP's GF)'s new house. I would appreciate if you save that question for another time."
Long ago, I hosted a party for my then-boyfriend’s birthday. We had many mutual friends, and some from the same company where we used to work (dated after he left, but kept the mutual friends). One of these so-called “friends” used my party to announce her new job. At my company. A job that I also applied for. Karma is worth the patience, as I ended up getting promoted to an even better job a few months later.
Don't hijack other's events, BUT I'm going on a slightly different angle here, you defended your girlfriend without her needing to be defended, she even said she wasn't fussed. She didn't say thank you, she said "you're sweet for..." which is a pretty common language for that wasn't what I was hoping for / what was needed. I think both the brother and the OP hijacked the event. It was the calling out and throwing out that probably made things awkward. And the OP did that.
She in fact said, she was sad that he did it (the brother), but she was used to her family hijacking events and that she's used to it. That is the kind of thing you say when you're so beaten down by family that you don't even stick up for yourself anymore. I do think she meant that she felt her bf was sweet for doing so...she's probably not used to that at all. I agree that he probably could have handled it better though.
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NTA. Your GF and you worked hard on your house and (deservedly) wanted to show it off. Her brother tried to divert all the celebratory attention to himself. His proposal would have focused everyone's attention on the upcoming wedding, and they would have forgotten the reason they were there. The thing to do with mannerless people is to tromp on them until they apologize. (Also, your GF should not excuse self-centered rudeness simply because "that's how it's always been.")
If OP wants to talk the MIL around, he's got to point out that this is just another example of BF taking the low-effort, I-don't-care-about-other-people path. Does she really want to encourage that when it comes to her daughter? Unless the family starts demanding that he pull up his big-boy pants some more, daughter is going to have a bad marriage where she can't really depend upon her husband to pull his weight with stuff. (Note, I don't have an issue with people living together -- done it myself prior to marriage--, but there are some folks for whom it is just a pattern of drifting through life without thinking through their decisions.)
I'd wish more people stood up and openly shamed rude and entitled behaviour. The world would be a better place. But sadly most people not only love to look away, they also try to stop others from doing so to 'keep the peace' that the person who got called out had already disturbed. This continuous enabling is the reason why the world is as it is.
Load More Replies... Was a bit much making scene, like Honu said. I would also like to add that, contrary to what she said, he needed to do something precisely because he family treats her like that. It's about time sometime thought about her.
BIL’s TA. You want to make your gf your wife? Take her out and propose.
When you say the host was your girlfriend, do you mean you are a couple? Or just friends? If you're just friends, I don't think it was up to you to make the decision of chastising her brother.
if they're planning to have children, I hope she announces the pregnancy at his wedding.
"Living in sin"? Have we suddenly travelled back to the 1950s or something?
yes you are the AH, this wasn't your event it was your GF not only that but it was her brother not yours, and way to make an impression with the future in laws you dumbass clearly you ruined her party more then he did by causing a scene with what I assume are her family and friends, idiot.
A interesting thing happening at your party does not detract from your party. Parties are supposed to be interesting. OP is butthurt people looked at someone else for a second.
NTA, as in Never The AH! No one has any right or entitlement to use anyone else's event for their announcement. I'm vengeful. I would have called the police and had them removed or even arrested, if need be, for trespassing.
I go with ESH. The brother is an AH for proposing during another person's party, the guy is an AH for interrupting that proposal. He should have just told him after the party.
I'm not sure I agree about the boyfriend being an AH, but I do think he might have ruined the party more than if he had just let the brother propose.
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Yeah.... brother knew better....he waited to pop the question until his sister was out of the room.
I’d love to say he’s cheap using another celebration to propose. Unfortunately my own husband didn’t exactly propose, we just came to an agreement: in the student union bar at 2am. There was sawdust on the floor, and that was the best of it. If you leaned on the table, you got stuck and had to peel yourself off. This place made a cess pit look clean. But hey, the beer was cheap, mainly because they didn’t actually clean the lines at all. We got bottled beer. I have no idea how they managed to ruin that, nevertheless, they did. I’ve taken the Micky out of my husband ever since. I mean, it would’ve been more romantic to propose at a funeral.
But you've got a good story out of it!! I would take a "meh" proposal moment with an amazing guy over an elaborate, amazing proposal from a meh guy.
Load More Replies... I think I have to go soft ESH here. The major AH is the brother, but making it a public rebuke was awkward for all the other guests. And I feel bad for the brother's girl friend/fiancée since she probably had no idea he was going to do that and was likely quite embarrassed. I'm all for telling him why what he did was offensive, but not in a way that ruins the party for my guests. The brother already showed himself to be an AH to anyone there with sense. Making a scene wasn't necessary and caused the party to end early and on a sour note.
I don't understand who these heathens are. It's cheap and tasteless to make someone else's event about you.
Sounds like the brother waited until his sister was out of the room to propose. To me that means he knew it was wrong. OP maybe could have been gentler, but I think it was right for him to interrupt the proposal. It tends to be better to put more focus on the actions than insulting the person doing the actions. So instead of telling the brother he's being selfish and disrespectful, say "Tonight is about celebrating (OP's GF)'s new house. I would appreciate if you save that question for another time."
Long ago, I hosted a party for my then-boyfriend’s birthday. We had many mutual friends, and some from the same company where we used to work (dated after he left, but kept the mutual friends). One of these so-called “friends” used my party to announce her new job. At my company. A job that I also applied for. Karma is worth the patience, as I ended up getting promoted to an even better job a few months later.
Don't hijack other's events, BUT I'm going on a slightly different angle here, you defended your girlfriend without her needing to be defended, she even said she wasn't fussed. She didn't say thank you, she said "you're sweet for..." which is a pretty common language for that wasn't what I was hoping for / what was needed. I think both the brother and the OP hijacked the event. It was the calling out and throwing out that probably made things awkward. And the OP did that.
She in fact said, she was sad that he did it (the brother), but she was used to her family hijacking events and that she's used to it. That is the kind of thing you say when you're so beaten down by family that you don't even stick up for yourself anymore. I do think she meant that she felt her bf was sweet for doing so...she's probably not used to that at all. I agree that he probably could have handled it better though.
Load More Replies... NTA. Your GF and you worked hard on your house and (deservedly) wanted to show it off. Her brother tried to divert all the celebratory attention to himself. His proposal would have focused everyone's attention on the upcoming wedding, and they would have forgotten the reason they were there. The thing to do with mannerless people is to tromp on them until they apologize. (Also, your GF should not excuse self-centered rudeness simply because "that's how it's always been.")
If OP wants to talk the MIL around, he's got to point out that this is just another example of BF taking the low-effort, I-don't-care-about-other-people path. Does she really want to encourage that when it comes to her daughter? Unless the family starts demanding that he pull up his big-boy pants some more, daughter is going to have a bad marriage where she can't really depend upon her husband to pull his weight with stuff. (Note, I don't have an issue with people living together -- done it myself prior to marriage--, but there are some folks for whom it is just a pattern of drifting through life without thinking through their decisions.)
I'd wish more people stood up and openly shamed rude and entitled behaviour. The world would be a better place. But sadly most people not only love to look away, they also try to stop others from doing so to 'keep the peace' that the person who got called out had already disturbed. This continuous enabling is the reason why the world is as it is.
Load More Replies... Was a bit much making scene, like Honu said. I would also like to add that, contrary to what she said, he needed to do something precisely because he family treats her like that. It's about time sometime thought about her.
BIL’s TA. You want to make your gf your wife? Take her out and propose.
When you say the host was your girlfriend, do you mean you are a couple? Or just friends? If you're just friends, I don't think it was up to you to make the decision of chastising her brother.
if they're planning to have children, I hope she announces the pregnancy at his wedding.
"Living in sin"? Have we suddenly travelled back to the 1950s or something?
yes you are the AH, this wasn't your event it was your GF not only that but it was her brother not yours, and way to make an impression with the future in laws you dumbass clearly you ruined her party more then he did by causing a scene with what I assume are her family and friends, idiot.
A interesting thing happening at your party does not detract from your party. Parties are supposed to be interesting. OP is butthurt people looked at someone else for a second.
NTA, as in Never The AH! No one has any right or entitlement to use anyone else's event for their announcement. I'm vengeful. I would have called the police and had them removed or even arrested, if need be, for trespassing.
I go with ESH. The brother is an AH for proposing during another person's party, the guy is an AH for interrupting that proposal. He should have just told him after the party.
I'm not sure I agree about the boyfriend being an AH, but I do think he might have ruined the party more than if he had just let the brother propose.
Load More Replies... Yeah.... brother knew better....he waited to pop the question until his sister was out of the room.
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