Planning a trip with a friend is always exciting, but it doesn’t come without risks. Just like moving in with a loved one, it’s impossible to know what exactly their living and traveling habits are like until you experience them first hand. And sometimes, to avoid ruining the relationship altogether, the most mature choice is deciding that traveling with one another isn’t wise.
But after one woman tried to explain that to a childhood friend, she found herself being accused of displaying ableist behavior. Below, you’ll find the full story that was recently shared on Reddit, as well as some of the replies invested readers left.
After taking a trip with a childhood friend, this woman decided it would be best if that was their last vacation together
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
But her friend didn’t seem to understand, and instead accused her of discrimination
Image credits: Marcus Aurelius (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Subject_Shoulder_538
Traveling can be challenging for anyone, especially for those who live with a disability
Traveling can be stressful for anyone, but for the 1.3 billion people on the planet who live with a disability, it can be even more difficult. Unfortunately, the government and businesses don’t always make travels simpler for disabled individuals, The Points Guy reports. 72% of adults with disabilities say they’ve experienced major obstacles with airlines, and 65% report having issues with airports in general.
For example, there can be long queues for wheelchairs or wheelchair assistance, and when individuals bring their own chairs, they’re often mishandled by airline staff and returned damaged. Going to the toilet can also be an issue while flying, as maneuvering to and from teeny tiny airplane lavatories can be nearly impossible for some individuals. Even hotels can be laughable when it comes to disability access, as the bathrooms are sometimes too narrow for wheelchairs as well.
In this particular story, the woman noted that her friend has fibromyalgia. According to the National Institute of Arthritis and Musculoskeletal and Skin Diseases, fibromyalgia is a “chronic (long-lasting) disorder that causes pain and tenderness throughout the body, as well as fatigue and trouble sleeping.” So there’s no question that the increased walking many of us do while traveling can take a toll on someone with fibromyalgia much more quickly than it will on someone who doesn’t have a disability.
Image credits: Daniel Frese (not the actual photo)
But there are ways to plan ahead and minimize pain when on vacation
However, there are ways to prepare for trips to ensure that fibromyalgia doesn’t get in the way of having a great time. PassportHealth recommends planning ahead, wearing comfortable clothes, getting extra sleep and making sure that individuals just don’t stop moving to minimize fibromyalgia symptoms while traveling. Anticipate your needs, such as any medication and heating/cooling products you need to bring, and start your journey well rested.
The Fibro Clinic reiterates on their site that keeping active can be an important way to mitigate pain. They recommend doing daily stretches and/or light exercises to keep your body loose, and scheduling in rest periods when necessary. This might mean stopping for a coffee break and a gentle stretch or stopping for a healthy snack to ensure your energy levels don’t get too low. It’s also wise to plan comfortable transport. You may prefer bus over train or vice versa, so don’t forget to look up your journey ahead of time.
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
Even if someone is your best friend, they might not be the best travel companion
While the woman who shared this story is sympathetic to her friend’s physical needs, the real problem she had with their travels had nothing to do with her disability. Sometimes, we learn that we’re just not travel-compatible with friends, and that’s okay. If one person wants to spend all day in museums and buy cheap meals at the grocery store, while the other would rather walk around the city then spend their whole budget on nice restaurants, it might be challenging to plan out the entire trip.
According to Flash Pack, it’s simply not always wise to travel with our friends. We might be scared of hurting their feelings if we want to go our separate ways for the day, and it can be stressful if one person is exhausted, while the other wants to keep sightseeing into the night. You may also be comfortable enough around each other to get crabby and hangry and end up bickering or offending your friend the same way siblings do while on family vacations. If you’ve realized that taking another trip with a loved one just isn’t worth the stress and hassle, that’s a boundary you should feel comfortable setting.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this story in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman was being fair with her friend? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article, we recommend checking out this one featuring even more travel drama!
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Readers assured the woman that she had done nothing wrong, noting that the issue was not her friend’s disability
I'm disabled, I have Fibromyalgia but that doesn't give me the right to behave like an entitled asshat. I am very aware of my needs and limitations, and I plan accordingly. I know a city trip with lots of walking is just not possible for me. I would have arranged for some sort of mobility scooter. I'm also very tall, and a plus size due to mobility issues, so a wheelchair is out of the question: I'm too heavy to push or self-propel because my shoulders and hands are bad. I can't blame OP for not wanting to go on another trip with this friend either.
Two different things going on. 1, she doesn't know how to pack. Probably hasn't gone on a lot of vacation or trips and she'll eventually learn. 2, she doesn't seem to be aware that she might need help or is possibly in denial about it. She can over come both things.
There are a number of conditions whereby a person might be fine one day, and the next they are in a huge amount of pain, or have incredibly low energy. It can be very helpful to have light weight mobility aids, a range of painkillers, and a very flexible schedule. It's a good idea to have a list of activities for good days and another one for bad. Plan on walking/public transport there, and a taxi back. Plan frequent rests. If there's a chance you will need assistance at the airport or railway station, book them. You can always let them know you are having a good day, and don't need the assistance.
exactly, she should have planned better instead of acting the way she did. And I say this as someone who also has Fibromyalgia (as well as Porpyhria which can cause fatigue and pain etc during flareups)
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I don't have fibromyalgia but I do have scoliosis and while it isn't fair that I got dealt a bad hand, it's still my responsibility to plan around it, not the responsibility of others. If I can't function a certain day, I don't make it the problem of my friends, I just stay back and rest while they enjoy their plans. On the days where I'm ok, I join them. It's pretty simple. Don't drag the people around you down just because of your condition. It sucks, but the dildo of life often comes unlubed, which I and everyone else with chronic pain understands.
I have gone on vacations with 3 people, who were like Ashley. None of them were disabled and it really doesn‘t matter if Ashley is or not. The reason the vacation was stessful was because of her bad behaviour. Maybe she can learn in the future, but you‘re fully right, if you don‘t want this experience again.
Agreed! Also, if we were to change the headline from "Woman Refuses To Travel With Her Disabled Friend Again" to "Woman Refuses To Travel With Her Disorganized Friend Again," it would be a non-issue.
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I have fibromyalgia- I know my body has limitations so I plan accordingly so I don’t impact others enjoyment. If that means I have to chill in the hotel while folk go do something fun then that’s what I’ll do. I’m not about to scream at strangers due to my s****y planning knowing full well my decisions dictate my pain levels. I would make sure anyone I travel with is well aware that planning in advance may not be a good idea as I can’t say how my body will feel day to day and if they’re not ok with that I totally understand. My condition isn’t anyone’s responsibility but mine to manage, not my friends, not strangers in a train station, not even my family - it sucks, it really really sucks and the pain can be awful and I get that people can have truly bad days and feel at their wits end, still no excuse to treat anyone like s**t.
Ok I may be an ah but. ... It's your vacation too OP. You're not a caretaker, a nurse or a babysitter. If you didn't relax and enjoy your vacation it's perfectly within your right to refuse an encore whatever the reason.
As someone with fibromyalgia I totally agree with you. Many times I’ve had to stay at the hotel or wherever and miss out on fun days with my family due to my body being a jackass and hurting for no good reason. It sucks, but I don’t want my kids and husband sitting in a hotel bored because I can’t manage the activity. I know they want me to come but I physically can’t and from experience doing so just means I’ll be in pain longer than if I take a day to rest. My husband wants to take the kids to Disneyland Paris, I know that I would be left drained by such a holiday, I couldn’t go on rides, standing in lines for extended periods would kill my back - so I’ll need to bow out of that one. It sucks, but it’s my problem, no one else’s.
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I have fibromyalgia, autoimmune/inflammatory arthritis and osteoarthritis. When I travel, it's my responsibility to plan for increases in my symptomatology. Yes, it's excessive that I bring my heating pad, electric blanket, my physiotherapy bands, etc. It takes a lot to keep me functioning. But it's also my job to know my limits and not push past them so that I become an emotional mess from the pain. And just because I'm in pain doesn't give me the right to infringe upon other's lives. I try to make things as easy as possible for the ones I travel with.
3 nights…different types of hair dryers. That alone would nope me out of that one
I have MANY completely able-bodied friends who I would never travel with because of all sorts of reasons! If a person is obnoxious to travel with, that is all the reason in the world to leave them at home. PSHAW!
Ok she can’t do that. It’s not ableist for her friend to not want to deal with the same stress bc Ashley didn’t prepare. That’s on Ashley, not her friend.
I have MS, the type that's known as RRMS (generally the most common) which stands for relapsing remitting multiple sclerosis. I can feel fine one day, then one or two days later I'm unable to walk properly, or hold things in my right hand, or even swallow my food without it being difficult. When planning a trip, I have to plan for the possibility that I could have a relapse, especially if it's somewhere hot climate. When you have these types of medical conditions, you have to plan. You can't just expect everyone around you to suddenly do everything you need them to at the drop of a hat. I wouldn't travel with that person again either, who wants a holiday with someone who throws a tantrum because they feel the world owes them something? You know your own body, you know things could go wrong at any given moment...plan for it!
Fibro absolutely sucks, 100%, but it doesn't also cause being-a-cow syndrome. Ashley is just lousy to be around. It's totally possible for a person to be sick and also awful. Illness doesn't balance the scales with virtue, just by default.
I'm disabled and I plan accordingly. If something unexpected arises, I ask for assistance as needed, and I'm patient about waiting on the last-minute accommodations. And even if someone didn't wanna travel with me in the future because my struggle becomes their struggle, I'd completely understand. People pay money to go on vacation to relax, explore, etc... I'm perfectly capable of traveling alone with appropriate planning.
As someone with fibromyalgia, I bring a motorized wheelchair (folds up and fits in the back of car) anytime I travel. I also know that my day is pretty much over by 3:00, and I need to relax in the hotel room while others continue their day. For this reason, I don't travel with friends. It's not fair to them, and it makes me feel like I'm being judged for my limitations (although, that might be in my head). Having an invisible disability sucks if your friends don't understand the issues.
NTA I regularly vacation with my best friend who has fibro. She cleary communicates her needs, we can plan our time together accordingly, e.g. on city trips to the "must have" first in the morning, regular breaks on quiet parks and the willingness to return to the hotel earlier. During outdoor vacation, planing according to her energy level, havd a backup plan to cut a walk short and days of downtime for her which I use for longer hikes. It's up to both travelling partners to plan according to euch others needs and to communicate those needs clearly.
The friend has a lot to learn about managing her condition. I speak from personal experience since I have fibro and ME - not nice. I find I need to plan trip very carefully because I know I can't lift much, I organize walking aids or wheelchairs because I know I can't walk far and I know the when I've reached the end of my limits that's my problem not someone else's. If you have a condition of any sort it is your responsibility to manage it not other people's. (There are always exceptions of course)
I think it’s more because she’s annoying and travels differently than you. Thinking even if she was able bodied you’d still be taking separate vacations.
I have fibromyalgia, and you're NTA. (Also, I would never behave like that.)
I have fibromyalgia, a herniated disc and a busted hip. I understand maybe getting a taxi back at the end of the day so that I can walk a little further from the hotel, but the rest is entirely Ashley's personality and nothing to do with her disability.
I can't stand trash like that. The fact that she would even claim her friend was ableist makes me question how serious or real her condition is. Best case scenario she uses it to excuse what a disgusting and terrible person she is, worst she made it up to cover what a disgusting and terrible person she is.
It's not the Fibromyalgia, its that she's annoying and unrealistic and entitled. There are trips specifically for people with physical disabilities. I hear they're great. Maybe friend would want to investigate that option.
NTA - her rude and inconsiderate behavior has nothing to do with any illness or disability. It’s pure narcissistic. I had a front row seat once watching a similar situation play out between two friends. The one who got pushed into being a caregiver lost her much needed vacation and was treated terribly for no reason. It was the last vacation
NTA. You chose to no longer travel with her based on her horrible planning skills and her wretched treatment of other human beings, not because of her disability. Even if you decided to no longer travel with her solely because of her disability, that's completely fine, too. It's your vacation and it's your life, period.
Just because you're not a straight, white, able-bodied male, it doesn't mean that everything that doesn't go your way is because of your demographics, and it doesn't give you licence to behave thoughtlessly.
I can't load this article at all the app crashes when I do help
Clearly OP is not an ableist if she agreed on these trips to begin with. The friend just became too exhausting to deal with and it had nothing to do with disability and everything to do with personality. When vacations become endless chores and drama, best to stay home or go alone
I have Fibromyalgia, You're not being ableist, because nothing about how she acted is down to Fibromyalgia (minus getting tired, and achy but even still no reason for her to act that way) she just sounds like an insufferable "female dog" to be honest. She knows she has the condition, she should have been better prepared for it, I'm afraid, even if it sounds harsh.
I'm disabled, I have Fibromyalgia but that doesn't give me the right to behave like an entitled asshat. I am very aware of my needs and limitations, and I plan accordingly. I know a city trip with lots of walking is just not possible for me. I would have arranged for some sort of mobility scooter. I'm also very tall, and a plus size due to mobility issues, so a wheelchair is out of the question: I'm too heavy to push or self-propel because my shoulders and hands are bad. I can't blame OP for not wanting to go on another trip with this friend either.
Two different things going on. 1, she doesn't know how to pack. Probably hasn't gone on a lot of vacation or trips and she'll eventually learn. 2, she doesn't seem to be aware that she might need help or is possibly in denial about it. She can over come both things.
There are a number of conditions whereby a person might be fine one day, and the next they are in a huge amount of pain, or have incredibly low energy. It can be very helpful to have light weight mobility aids, a range of painkillers, and a very flexible schedule. It's a good idea to have a list of activities for good days and another one for bad. Plan on walking/public transport there, and a taxi back. Plan frequent rests. If there's a chance you will need assistance at the airport or railway station, book them. You can always let them know you are having a good day, and don't need the assistance.
exactly, she should have planned better instead of acting the way she did. And I say this as someone who also has Fibromyalgia (as well as Porpyhria which can cause fatigue and pain etc during flareups)
Load More Replies... I don't have fibromyalgia but I do have scoliosis and while it isn't fair that I got dealt a bad hand, it's still my responsibility to plan around it, not the responsibility of others. If I can't function a certain day, I don't make it the problem of my friends, I just stay back and rest while they enjoy their plans. On the days where I'm ok, I join them. It's pretty simple. Don't drag the people around you down just because of your condition. It sucks, but the dildo of life often comes unlubed, which I and everyone else with chronic pain understands.
I have gone on vacations with 3 people, who were like Ashley. None of them were disabled and it really doesn‘t matter if Ashley is or not. The reason the vacation was stessful was because of her bad behaviour. Maybe she can learn in the future, but you‘re fully right, if you don‘t want this experience again.
Agreed! Also, if we were to change the headline from "Woman Refuses To Travel With Her Disabled Friend Again" to "Woman Refuses To Travel With Her Disorganized Friend Again," it would be a non-issue.
Load More Replies... I have fibromyalgia- I know my body has limitations so I plan accordingly so I don’t impact others enjoyment. If that means I have to chill in the hotel while folk go do something fun then that’s what I’ll do. I’m not about to scream at strangers due to my s****y planning knowing full well my decisions dictate my pain levels. I would make sure anyone I travel with is well aware that planning in advance may not be a good idea as I can’t say how my body will feel day to day and if they’re not ok with that I totally understand. My condition isn’t anyone’s responsibility but mine to manage, not my friends, not strangers in a train station, not even my family - it sucks, it really really sucks and the pain can be awful and I get that people can have truly bad days and feel at their wits end, still no excuse to treat anyone like s**t.
Ok I may be an ah but. ... It's your vacation too OP. You're not a caretaker, a nurse or a babysitter. If you didn't relax and enjoy your vacation it's perfectly within your right to refuse an encore whatever the reason.
As someone with fibromyalgia I totally agree with you. Many times I’ve had to stay at the hotel or wherever and miss out on fun days with my family due to my body being a jackass and hurting for no good reason. It sucks, but I don’t want my kids and husband sitting in a hotel bored because I can’t manage the activity. I know they want me to come but I physically can’t and from experience doing so just means I’ll be in pain longer than if I take a day to rest. My husband wants to take the kids to Disneyland Paris, I know that I would be left drained by such a holiday, I couldn’t go on rides, standing in lines for extended periods would kill my back - so I’ll need to bow out of that one. It sucks, but it’s my problem, no one else’s.
Load More Replies... I have fibromyalgia, autoimmune/inflammatory arthritis and osteoarthritis. When I travel, it's my responsibility to plan for increases in my symptomatology. Yes, it's excessive that I bring my heating pad, electric blanket, my physiotherapy bands, etc. It takes a lot to keep me functioning. But it's also my job to know my limits and not push past them so that I become an emotional mess from the pain. And just because I'm in pain doesn't give me the right to infringe upon other's lives. I try to make things as easy as possible for the ones I travel with.
3 nights…different types of hair dryers. That alone would nope me out of that one
I have MANY completely able-bodied friends who I would never travel with because of all sorts of reasons! If a person is obnoxious to travel with, that is all the reason in the world to leave them at home. PSHAW!
Ok she can’t do that. It’s not ableist for her friend to not want to deal with the same stress bc Ashley didn’t prepare. That’s on Ashley, not her friend.
I have MS, the type that's known as RRMS (generally the most common) which stands for relapsing remitting multiple sclerosis. I can feel fine one day, then one or two days later I'm unable to walk properly, or hold things in my right hand, or even swallow my food without it being difficult. When planning a trip, I have to plan for the possibility that I could have a relapse, especially if it's somewhere hot climate. When you have these types of medical conditions, you have to plan. You can't just expect everyone around you to suddenly do everything you need them to at the drop of a hat. I wouldn't travel with that person again either, who wants a holiday with someone who throws a tantrum because they feel the world owes them something? You know your own body, you know things could go wrong at any given moment...plan for it!
Fibro absolutely sucks, 100%, but it doesn't also cause being-a-cow syndrome. Ashley is just lousy to be around. It's totally possible for a person to be sick and also awful. Illness doesn't balance the scales with virtue, just by default.
I'm disabled and I plan accordingly. If something unexpected arises, I ask for assistance as needed, and I'm patient about waiting on the last-minute accommodations. And even if someone didn't wanna travel with me in the future because my struggle becomes their struggle, I'd completely understand. People pay money to go on vacation to relax, explore, etc... I'm perfectly capable of traveling alone with appropriate planning.
As someone with fibromyalgia, I bring a motorized wheelchair (folds up and fits in the back of car) anytime I travel. I also know that my day is pretty much over by 3:00, and I need to relax in the hotel room while others continue their day. For this reason, I don't travel with friends. It's not fair to them, and it makes me feel like I'm being judged for my limitations (although, that might be in my head). Having an invisible disability sucks if your friends don't understand the issues.
NTA I regularly vacation with my best friend who has fibro. She cleary communicates her needs, we can plan our time together accordingly, e.g. on city trips to the "must have" first in the morning, regular breaks on quiet parks and the willingness to return to the hotel earlier. During outdoor vacation, planing according to her energy level, havd a backup plan to cut a walk short and days of downtime for her which I use for longer hikes. It's up to both travelling partners to plan according to euch others needs and to communicate those needs clearly.
The friend has a lot to learn about managing her condition. I speak from personal experience since I have fibro and ME - not nice. I find I need to plan trip very carefully because I know I can't lift much, I organize walking aids or wheelchairs because I know I can't walk far and I know the when I've reached the end of my limits that's my problem not someone else's. If you have a condition of any sort it is your responsibility to manage it not other people's. (There are always exceptions of course)
I think it’s more because she’s annoying and travels differently than you. Thinking even if she was able bodied you’d still be taking separate vacations.
I have fibromyalgia, and you're NTA. (Also, I would never behave like that.)
I have fibromyalgia, a herniated disc and a busted hip. I understand maybe getting a taxi back at the end of the day so that I can walk a little further from the hotel, but the rest is entirely Ashley's personality and nothing to do with her disability.
I can't stand trash like that. The fact that she would even claim her friend was ableist makes me question how serious or real her condition is. Best case scenario she uses it to excuse what a disgusting and terrible person she is, worst she made it up to cover what a disgusting and terrible person she is.
It's not the Fibromyalgia, its that she's annoying and unrealistic and entitled. There are trips specifically for people with physical disabilities. I hear they're great. Maybe friend would want to investigate that option.
NTA - her rude and inconsiderate behavior has nothing to do with any illness or disability. It’s pure narcissistic. I had a front row seat once watching a similar situation play out between two friends. The one who got pushed into being a caregiver lost her much needed vacation and was treated terribly for no reason. It was the last vacation
NTA. You chose to no longer travel with her based on her horrible planning skills and her wretched treatment of other human beings, not because of her disability. Even if you decided to no longer travel with her solely because of her disability, that's completely fine, too. It's your vacation and it's your life, period.
Just because you're not a straight, white, able-bodied male, it doesn't mean that everything that doesn't go your way is because of your demographics, and it doesn't give you licence to behave thoughtlessly.
I can't load this article at all the app crashes when I do help
Clearly OP is not an ableist if she agreed on these trips to begin with. The friend just became too exhausting to deal with and it had nothing to do with disability and everything to do with personality. When vacations become endless chores and drama, best to stay home or go alone
I have Fibromyalgia, You're not being ableist, because nothing about how she acted is down to Fibromyalgia (minus getting tired, and achy but even still no reason for her to act that way) she just sounds like an insufferable "female dog" to be honest. She knows she has the condition, she should have been better prepared for it, I'm afraid, even if it sounds harsh.
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