Woman Decides To Skip On Sister’s Child-Free Wedding And Be The Babysitter, Enraging The Bride
Weddings are supposed to be that one special day in your life when everything is supposed to be perfect, ya know. But then life happens and nothing is truly sacred any more.
A woman was planning her wedding, advertising it as a child-free event. However, two of her three sisters had children. This didn’t seem like too much of a biggy, but the youngest sibling pointed out that they are still family and, more or less, volunteered to babysit, but that also meant she wasn’t going to the wedding.
And then drama ensued.
More info: Reddit
If you’re gonna have a wedding, you bet something’s going to happen to at the very least try and ruin it, like driving over a speed bump at 52 miles an hour
Image credits: Emma Bauso (not the actual photo)
This could also include a refusal to go a child-free wedding, for more reasons than one, but the lack of children is definitely the crux of it
Image credits: u/Vegetable-Car-5668
The issue became very chaotic with sisters taking sides and the parents… well, the parents just wanted to see their daughter married and be merry
Image credits: Carlo Buttinoni (not the actual photo)
The story goes that this one woman was set to get married soon and was thus planning her wedding. She was the third of 4 kids in the family, all sisters, with the two older ones already having full-blown families. And then there was the youngest one who was married, but was child-free.
Incidentally, the wedding was also child-free, which put one of the sisters into a bit of a bind. Among everything else that was happening in her life, she just didn’t have anyone to leave the kids with for the wedding day.
This seemingly irked the youngest sister something fierce. And long story short, she decided to stay back and babysit, thus skipping out on the wedding altogether. This in turn infuriated the bride and this a conflict was born.
While there were some nuances, the whole conflict seemed to revolve around the fact that, one, the sister is “aggressively child-free”, and, two, the wedding was child-free, which meant that some family members technically considered children were excluded from what is more or less a family occasion.
The conflict escalated from throwing minor details into the ether to something that sparked a full on outrage from the sister, and it’s something OP feels bad about too. She said that she “didn’t see the point in going to an event half the family would be missing from (referencing the kids).” She also added that the kids are better company than her sister. Did I mention they weren’t on the best of terms as is?
The oldest chose OP’s side in this conflict, while the second sister feels really bad (it’s her kids OP offered to watch). The parents, on the other hand, aren’t acknowledging the situation at all—it sounds like one of those situations where they just want to see their daughter get married, enjoy a wedding, then go home and turn on the Knicks game (while the sisters scratch each other’s eyes out in the background).
Image credits: Anastasia Shuraeva (not the actual photo)
The comment section is where it gets interesting. The flair on the Reddit post declares OP the jerk, but that was the majority vote before OP provided an update that sprinkled even more nuance to everything.
Turns out, the guy OP’s sister is marrying used to be close with her husband’s sister, OP’s sister-in-law, and there is a lot of bad blood between them as there was abuse, talks of abortion and other horrible things. With that in mind, people found more of a reason to be on OP’s side, hence all the NTA commentary.
But considering both sides, OP’s comment to her sister—the one about not seeing a point in the event—was at the very least rude. After all, it’s the sister’s wedding and she can have it any way she wants. OP doesn’t have to go per se, but she shouldn’t feel like she now has to babysit because of it.
On the other hand, those saying NTA argued heavily that not going to her husband’s sworn enemy’s wedding is reason enough. If anything, it’s an invitation, not a summons, so the sister has to accept it the way it is.
The post took off soon after being published and garnered a bit over 12,500 upvotes (with a 92% approval rating) and even got a handful of Reddit awards. You can check out the post in full context here.
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
Diverging from the issue at hand for a bit, child-free weddings seem to be on the rise. But OP does make a solid point—kids are part of the family, so why should they not be invited?
While it sounds like a simple decision, it’s not, and here’s why: allowing guests to bring kids along means that someone or something will have to keep them busy. Wedding programs for adults are a given, but kids also need a program, more or less planning a whole separate part of a wedding and that affects the wedding budget.
If you are going to allow kids at a wedding, consider hiring an entertainer for them, who might also organize some tabletop activities and whatnot. Also, the venue you’re having the wedding at might also help in getting some kids’ meals out. And it helps to have a huge venue altogether—loads of space for them to explore and wander around.
If it’s a no-kids deal, then be clear about your expectations, be honest and explain simply why you chose that way. Overly complicating the explanation might lead to parents trying to make you change your mind and make exceptions for them. If it’s the case that you’re only allowing specific kids to come, don’t forget to communicate your expectations for the kids, what the ground rules are and the like.
In other words, clarity is key here. You can also be very clear about your stance on the topic in the comment section below!
Folks had two major opinions, depending on whether they read the story before or after the update
I wonder if the reason the sister is so anti children is because of the future BIL.
Why would you want to go to your sister's wedding to a walking trash-heap of a man? Given his history with her husband's family, I'm astounded that the husband was even going to drop her off! I find it unimaginable that the bride continued their relationship after hearing his history.
Forget all the drama about childfree wedding, babysitting and what not. The real question should be, why on earth would the OP's sister (or anyone in her family) even be anywhere near that POS of a person, let alone marry it?
God, sister better hope she doesn't accidentally get pregnant. Particularly if they live in an abortion bans state.
Ironic statement, since the groom tried to FORCE the bride to have an abortion.
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This might be one of the most toxic families ever. Why would you marry someone you know did all that? I have to assume neither want kids, but still. And why would someone choose to get offended on behalf of other people that don't seem to mind the situation? Childless weddings are perfectly reasonable, especially if you are trying to keep costs down.
Wedding drama. I’ve declined wedding invitations the last 5 years. No regrets.
NTA. For me, the child-free aspect here is totally secondary to the whole thing, even b4 the update. It seems like this whole family dynamics is complicated, to say the least.
But the child-free aspect is the only reason she didn't attend the wedding, which makes her TA.
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The reason why I still say YTA is because she made excuses. The reason why she doesn't want to go is because she doesn't want to go, not because the wedding is child free. Not wanting to go is fine. It's her right to do so and she has pretty good reasons, but to avoid 'airing dirty laundry' and actually telling people: "I don't want to go because the relationship is not good and I prefer to stay away" she makes a huge fuss around the affair by offering petty and ridiculous reasons. That makes her TA. If she was honest but quiet and people were pushing back she could have elaborated that she doesn't like the future BIL because of his behaviour and doesn't want to see her sister getting married to a guy wo celebrated the death of his own son. And that's on him. And if then someone complained about her telling she could have said that she tried to answer discreetly but was pressured for details and she would have been completely in the right then. But for making up reasons she's TA.
This. OP gave us the REAL reason in the edit. Should have started off with the backstory than the whole 'Child-free wedding' and babysitting problems excuse.
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Girl says no to invitation. Thanks, Bored Panda, for these really hard hitting topics.
Are we still talking about the wedding here? The second part sounds pretty made up after the original story didn't got the reactions the author wanted.
I'll say it: if the thought of a "child-free" weddings ever crossed your mind, you are a Bridezilla monster. Have your child-free bachelorette's party, bridal shower, etc., but the entire PURPOSE of a wedding is to bring the two families together.
Yeah no. I don't agree with this at all. The point is to bring the bride and groom together, the rest of the family doesn't even have to be there. It's not like the parents and siblings are the people deciding on the other partner or their family. If someone has bratty nieces and nephews or other kids in the family that for one reason or another aren't good at behaving whether it's an age or personality thing then there's no obligation to have them there just because they're family. The entire point of a wedding is to celebrate the union of 2 people who chose to be together and create a new family on their own terms. Even looking at history the wedding itself is for the bride and groom. The possible celebration afterwards might be for the union of two families
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NTA. I would not want to go to a wedding with your sister marrying a man like that. I’ve been to weddings- child free and with children attending. I’m an adult and even I’m extremely bored. I hate weddings. Most of the brides act entitled and get super moody during the whole thing, the groom just stands there like “what did I do”. Rarely are the couple equally sweet and sincere. I allowed my kids to go to one wedding when they were 10 and 13. Boy were they bored. As was I. Even if I know the couple I do not care about how in love they are. All I care about is cake
YTA. You were just fine attending the wedding even though your future BIL is a monster. You didn't attend because you weren't allowed to dictate the guest list of an event you weren't hosting. Then you doubled down on being TA by telling your sister she was bad company, as if you were invited to hang out instead of attend a ceremony.
It seems as though she was uncomfortable going to the wedding to begin with. Then there was the issue with her husband and not wanting to put him in a terrible position with a man that disgusts him. And there's the child free wedding which is probably brought about by the soon-to-be ex brother-in-law. Seems that she didn't want to start any issues with that sister and she didn't want to go so she decided to try to make the best of it and help out the sister that did want to go and her parents. The parents have no objection to this apparently and it would be a betrayal to her husband
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I got totally confused. So is the issue that OP's husband worked that day after someone else said they would drive?
OP isn't an AH for not going, and refusing to go due to what happened between her husband and soon to be BIL would make perfect sense. But the shade of calling it pointless since the kids wouldn't be there is just unnecessarily hating on childfree weddings.
NTA - and I have to say I can’t believe your sister is marrying that man. On another note, this is a lot of drama with sisters not speaking to each other. I have 4 siblings and I am the oldest at 72 years. We never once quit speaking to each other. I just don’t get it.
Unfortunately, family dynamics is a complicated thing. Be grateful you and your siblings are tight.
Load More Replies... I wonder if the reason the sister is so anti children is because of the future BIL.
Why would you want to go to your sister's wedding to a walking trash-heap of a man? Given his history with her husband's family, I'm astounded that the husband was even going to drop her off! I find it unimaginable that the bride continued their relationship after hearing his history.
Forget all the drama about childfree wedding, babysitting and what not. The real question should be, why on earth would the OP's sister (or anyone in her family) even be anywhere near that POS of a person, let alone marry it?
God, sister better hope she doesn't accidentally get pregnant. Particularly if they live in an abortion bans state.
Ironic statement, since the groom tried to FORCE the bride to have an abortion.
Load More Replies... This might be one of the most toxic families ever. Why would you marry someone you know did all that? I have to assume neither want kids, but still. And why would someone choose to get offended on behalf of other people that don't seem to mind the situation? Childless weddings are perfectly reasonable, especially if you are trying to keep costs down.
Wedding drama. I’ve declined wedding invitations the last 5 years. No regrets.
NTA. For me, the child-free aspect here is totally secondary to the whole thing, even b4 the update. It seems like this whole family dynamics is complicated, to say the least.
But the child-free aspect is the only reason she didn't attend the wedding, which makes her TA.
Load More Replies... The reason why I still say YTA is because she made excuses. The reason why she doesn't want to go is because she doesn't want to go, not because the wedding is child free. Not wanting to go is fine. It's her right to do so and she has pretty good reasons, but to avoid 'airing dirty laundry' and actually telling people: "I don't want to go because the relationship is not good and I prefer to stay away" she makes a huge fuss around the affair by offering petty and ridiculous reasons. That makes her TA. If she was honest but quiet and people were pushing back she could have elaborated that she doesn't like the future BIL because of his behaviour and doesn't want to see her sister getting married to a guy wo celebrated the death of his own son. And that's on him. And if then someone complained about her telling she could have said that she tried to answer discreetly but was pressured for details and she would have been completely in the right then. But for making up reasons she's TA.
This. OP gave us the REAL reason in the edit. Should have started off with the backstory than the whole 'Child-free wedding' and babysitting problems excuse.
Load More Replies... Girl says no to invitation. Thanks, Bored Panda, for these really hard hitting topics.
Are we still talking about the wedding here? The second part sounds pretty made up after the original story didn't got the reactions the author wanted.
I'll say it: if the thought of a "child-free" weddings ever crossed your mind, you are a Bridezilla monster. Have your child-free bachelorette's party, bridal shower, etc., but the entire PURPOSE of a wedding is to bring the two families together.
Yeah no. I don't agree with this at all. The point is to bring the bride and groom together, the rest of the family doesn't even have to be there. It's not like the parents and siblings are the people deciding on the other partner or their family. If someone has bratty nieces and nephews or other kids in the family that for one reason or another aren't good at behaving whether it's an age or personality thing then there's no obligation to have them there just because they're family. The entire point of a wedding is to celebrate the union of 2 people who chose to be together and create a new family on their own terms. Even looking at history the wedding itself is for the bride and groom. The possible celebration afterwards might be for the union of two families
Load More Replies... NTA. I would not want to go to a wedding with your sister marrying a man like that. I’ve been to weddings- child free and with children attending. I’m an adult and even I’m extremely bored. I hate weddings. Most of the brides act entitled and get super moody during the whole thing, the groom just stands there like “what did I do”. Rarely are the couple equally sweet and sincere. I allowed my kids to go to one wedding when they were 10 and 13. Boy were they bored. As was I. Even if I know the couple I do not care about how in love they are. All I care about is cake
YTA. You were just fine attending the wedding even though your future BIL is a monster. You didn't attend because you weren't allowed to dictate the guest list of an event you weren't hosting. Then you doubled down on being TA by telling your sister she was bad company, as if you were invited to hang out instead of attend a ceremony.
It seems as though she was uncomfortable going to the wedding to begin with. Then there was the issue with her husband and not wanting to put him in a terrible position with a man that disgusts him. And there's the child free wedding which is probably brought about by the soon-to-be ex brother-in-law. Seems that she didn't want to start any issues with that sister and she didn't want to go so she decided to try to make the best of it and help out the sister that did want to go and her parents. The parents have no objection to this apparently and it would be a betrayal to her husband
Load More Replies... I got totally confused. So is the issue that OP's husband worked that day after someone else said they would drive?
OP isn't an AH for not going, and refusing to go due to what happened between her husband and soon to be BIL would make perfect sense. But the shade of calling it pointless since the kids wouldn't be there is just unnecessarily hating on childfree weddings.
NTA - and I have to say I can’t believe your sister is marrying that man. On another note, this is a lot of drama with sisters not speaking to each other. I have 4 siblings and I am the oldest at 72 years. We never once quit speaking to each other. I just don’t get it.
Unfortunately, family dynamics is a complicated thing. Be grateful you and your siblings are tight.
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