What’s reliable, accepts you as you are, and is there for you whenever you need a nice, warm hug? No, I’m not referring to that fluffy robe you wear on Sunday mornings. I’m talking about your best friend!
There are many qualities that come together to create a wonderful friend, but as with any healthy relationship, friendships require nurturing from both sides. So when one student realized a so-called friend was taking much more than she was giving, she decided to put her foot down. Below, you’ll find the full story that she recently shared on the Petty Revenge subreddit, as well as some responses invested readers left her.
This student was pressured by a friend to purchase an expensive gift for her birthday
Image credits: Yaroslav Shuraev (not the actual photo)
But after realizing that their relationship had become lopsided, she decided the former friend didn’t deserve her gift after all
Image credits: Mike Mozart (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Charlotte May (not the actual photo)
Later, the woman shared an update, solidifying the fact that the friendship was over
Image credits: peachbunx
The student also responded to several readers and provided additional information on the situation
Maintaining healthy friendships is important for our mental and physical health
While adults are often taught to prioritize romantic relationships, we should never underestimate the value and importance of great friendships. According to the Mayo Clinic, friendships are actually beneficial to our health, as they can increase our sense of belonging and purpose, boost our happiness and reduce stress, improve our self-confidence and self-worth, help us cope with trauma, and encourage us to change or avoid unhealthy lifestyle habits. Verywell Mind even reports that social isolation and loneliness are linked to a variety of health issues, including high blood pressure, substance abuse, heart disease and even cancer. So don’t be scared to invite that colleague out to brunch or call your childhood best friend to catch up!
Friends provide us with the emotional support that we all need, regardless of whether or not we’re in romantic relationships. We need to have people we can trust and rely on for support and friends to call when we simply need to have a good time. In fact, happiness is contagious among friends, so if you’re in need of some laughs and smiles, don’t hesitate to text your bestie. According to HelpGuide, a great friend is reliable, thoughtful, trustworthy and accepts others for who they are, without any judgment. Because of this, the experts at HelpGuide recommend focusing on how a friendship makes you feel, rather than how it looks on paper. For example, if you feel comfortable, supported and like you can be 100% yourself around this person, they are likely a friend worth holding onto. You should leave interactions with them feeling uplifted.
Image credits: Mental Health America (MHA) (not the actual photo)
But one-sided and toxic friendships have the power to hold us back
On the other hand, just like any other relationship in our lives, friendships have the potential to greatly benefit us or to hinder our mental health. Jennifer Litner, PhD, at Healthline warns readers to beware of one-sided friendships, as they can leave people questioning themselves, not knowing what to expect, and feeling lonely. She notes that balanced friendships should never make us wonder whether there’s something wrong with ourselves, which can lead us to become hyper critical of ourselves and even spiral down a rabbit hole of negative self-talk. Consistency and reliability are also very comforting to us as humans, so friends who leave us wondering if or when they’ll ever respond can put us on edge.
Unfortunately, it’s quite a common experience for friendships to be, or eventually become, lopsided. According to a 2016 study from researchers at MIT that asked college students to rank a number of people from strangers to friends, only a measly 53% of the friendships turned out to be mutual. “These findings suggest a profound inability of people to perceive friendship reciprocity, perhaps because the possibility of non-reciprocal friendship challenges one’s self-image,” the study’s authors wrote. That doesn’t make it any less painful, however, when we realize that someone doesn’t cherish their relationship with us as much as we do.
Image credits: Keira Burton (not the actual photo)
It’s important to recognize when a friendship has run its course
When we find ourselves in an unbalanced friendship, it’s important to make a decision to either work towards salvaging it or choose to call it quits for the sake of our own mental health. Psychologist Ayanna Abrams told Vox that realizing a friendship is one-sided does not necessarily mean that it is toxic or unsalvageable. It might just need addressing to fix the issue, so she recommends resisting the urge to jump to conclusions. First, gently “let them know you’re reaching out to them out of a desire for their company, and not accusing them of what they’re failing to do,” Abrams says. Give them an opportunity to put in more effort. Perhaps there was something going on in their personal life that required more of their attention than usual; it might have nothing to do with you.
But if you’ve tried being patient and flexible, and you haven’t seen any effort made from your so-called friend, author Kat Vellos says that might be a sign from the universe that it’s time to end the relationship and focus your attention elsewhere. Any friendship that is exhausting you mentally and/or emotionally is not worth the effort. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries, and nurture the friendships that you know are worth keeping.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this story in the comments below, pandas. Have you ever had to end a one-sided friendship like this one? Then, if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing a similar topic, we recommend checking out this piece next!
Image credits: Antoni Shkraba (not the actual photo)
Readers poured out support for the woman in the replies, some even had similar personal experiences to share
Bored Panda has reached out to the woman and will update the article as soon as we receive a comment.
I doubt the "friend" hated OP's guts....they just didn't really care. It's harder to pretend to like someone you hate than to pretend to like someone you're just "meh" about. Kind of like "Eh I don't really click with OP but maybe I can get something out of her so I'll keep her around".
Indifference is much more common, agreed. Especially when paired with selfishness
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What kind of person ask you for a specific present or any present for that matter? That's just rude. I mean you tell you parents cause you know they are getting you something or maybe your partner. But who tells their friends or even expects something from friends?
You did the right thing. She was taking advantage of you and your kindness. Users like her inevitably lose all their "friends". I would have stopped contacting her and just kept the fridge. After a certain amount of time, it would be considered abandoned and now be yours. Then I'd either use it or sell it. She obviously didn't care about what happened to it 🙄
This is why I don't use apps to talk, if people want to talk they'll have to call me. I see how people constantly overreact because the messages aren't replied to in a timely fashion or left on read. As if people aren't allowed to be busy with something else, aren't allowed to be online without replying right away. If something like that ends friendships, then the friendship wasn't worth anything.
It's not just the length of time to answer a message, but also the "let's hang out as long as you pay it all" attitude.
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I worry that I am this friend sometimes. I have three kids (2/3 with ASD and ADHD) and a husband who works very long hours and I simply don’t have the mental capacity to (or actually availability) to be a friend as I would like to. Consequently, I find myself being out of contact for ages until need a lift to work when my car’s broken/need someone to pick up a kid from school when I have an appointment for another kid/need school info etc. (although, I don’t think I would have the audacity to cajole someone into buying an exxy blender for me). I HATE HATE HATE being that friend, I really do. And I get to midnight when all the tasks are done and think “Oh, gee, some time! Wish I had a friend to talk to”, but, of course, I don’t cos I haven’t actually invested in talking to anyone previously (and, also, it’s very late). I really hate that people think i am like OP’s friend.
Hopefully nobody sees it that way. If it were me, I'd definitely take your challenges into consideration about when you can have time for yourself and friends. I worked many jobs that kept me busy like this for years and didn't have much extra time to give to friendships. I would still end up putting more time into my relationship with my SIL that was once very close with, but when she remarried, she changed, in many ways, not for the better and I went NC from her. I wish you luck though and hope that what friends you have do understand. When you work and have children with special needs and more attention than average, it's difficult to be a typical friend by normal standards, but sometimes you can still have very good relationships. I worked with individuals with developmental disabilities and I would absolutely be understanding of any parent of a child who requires extra attention. I wish you all the best and hope that you are gentle with yourself too.
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Had a friend who would always wanna meet up whenever she needed mental support, but besides that never heard from her inbetween. Then she badmouthed me behind my back for marrying a foreigner. Well, I'm happily married for 15 years!
Congratulations to you, I wish I has been as smart. Took me 20years to figure out my "friend" was just a user lol 😮💨
Had friends like this. Hey wanna hang at the mall? Have to pick them up. Hey wanna get lunch? Have to pay they don't have $. Hey wanna go to the makeup store? Well I need one thing myself. We go. They pour they don't have cash for something. I suggest a lower price dupe. Oh no that makes them break out. I say go look around some more. I go an pay for my item and wait outside. I can see them grab another two or three pricey things. Thinking I'm gonna pay. I wait. They start looking for me. They see me finally outside checking my watch. They put the stuff down and come out. Hey thought you were gonna get me something too. Did you ask? No. Well then no. Well would you get x for me? No. Why not? Too pricey I'm on a budget too. And I paid for lunch. Oh ok. Go back home. They don't text for a few months. Hey wanna go to the mall. No I'm busy an broke an you need to save your money too. Oh ok. Block. Done. They did this more than once but that was the last time.
I have a person who was a good friend for a long time and then I noticed that she never initiated calls or had excuses to not go out with us. 4 of us wasted nearly a year trying to get a date for steak night until I took initiative, set a date and waited for the "I might not be able to make it". It came, I said too bad and had a lovely steak and catch up with the others. She is undergoing a ton of medical stuff, some real, some munchausen and I am done with the pity-me bombs. She does it in the group chat now and nobody responds. She has however been well enough to eat delivery most days and go to Westfield (a MASSIVE mall in London). I'm done expending energy there.
you handled the situation so beautifully! I wish I had done something similarly artful when I figured out that my college friend was just initiating contact when there was something I could do for her! I took care of her cat for three weeks by driving across town twice a day, I threw her a going away party, I helped them move, etc. It dawned on me I was getting used when I realized her bestie's office was RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET (!) who is more convenient for her to ask me to do this, than her friend. When they moved, I offered to take their bed to the local charity for them. But, this charity wasn't taking beds so I have to take it to the dump. there is no word of thank you about this, my friend was just sad because no one would get to use her bed. She was sad about the bed. She didn't care that I had taken my time and $30 for the dump run on a hot holiday to help her move. I blocked them on every platform. What is sideways for time?
oops, that was supposed to say, "what a sad waste of time," i'm a fool for thinking that she liked me for me!
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I'm jealous of y'all who have enough people who tolerate you to be able to cut off the one-sided friendships. I have one friend who talks to me at all when I'm not actively demanding his attention. He's the best and probably the only person in the world who I actually trust, which is great. Seriously tho literally all of my friendships are one sided, I've lost a lot of friends by just getting tired of saying hi and starting 'conversations' with them every few days.
The same goes for family. People say you shouldn’t be friends with anyone on the basis of expectation or what you can “get” but, I at least expect mutual and reciprocal effort and respect. If you can’t afford me that, then I’m no longer interested. It took me 12 years to say “no” to my sister. The one time I did, and stood firm… I’ve been blocked on all means of contact accessible to her and slated to any family who will listen. The thing is, they all feel the same as I do, that she uses them and takes advantage of them. They won’t “side” with her but won’t stand up to her either. It’s frustrating!
The key here is that the friend responds quick when she wants something. Cuz you shouldn't throw away a good friend simply because they're not the most social person as long as you have fun when you do hang out.
I used to have "friends" like that. Finally wised up in my 30s. I have sent more than one text that just simply said, :Friendship terminated due to lack of interest". I am no contact with my youngest sister for this very reason. She is a self centered, entitled b*tch. Her life is nothing but a self inflicted drama filled sh*t show that she has always expected me to attend to. Nope. A little over 2 years ago I'd had it. I, against my better judgment, helped her out of a scary situation and she did nothing but take advantage at every turn. I didn't say anything to her, I wasn't mean or nasty (her two most common moods) I just basically ghosted her. I removed her as a Facebook friend and stopped returning her calls and texts. I'm sure she thought I just needed some space because after a few months she started in again. I finally responded and said, "Look. You're my sister & I love you, but I don't want to speak to you. Please stop blowing up my phone". She finally got it. No regrets.
I knew someone like this. He'd only msg when he wanted something. I realized it was a completely one way street when I would wish him a happy birthday on his bday and he didn't do the same for me many years in a row. My bday is less than a week after his so it should have been fresh on his mind if he actually cared. I just stopped msging him at all. I won't be doing him any favors either.
It means they can see you’ve read the message and that you haven’t responded.
Load More Replies... Not much of a victory, not like she got a free blender. I just despise these one sided takes. You can never be sure what context is being left out. Especially if it is about some sort of relationship
I doubt the "friend" hated OP's guts....they just didn't really care. It's harder to pretend to like someone you hate than to pretend to like someone you're just "meh" about. Kind of like "Eh I don't really click with OP but maybe I can get something out of her so I'll keep her around".
Indifference is much more common, agreed. Especially when paired with selfishness
Load More Replies... What kind of person ask you for a specific present or any present for that matter? That's just rude. I mean you tell you parents cause you know they are getting you something or maybe your partner. But who tells their friends or even expects something from friends?
You did the right thing. She was taking advantage of you and your kindness. Users like her inevitably lose all their "friends". I would have stopped contacting her and just kept the fridge. After a certain amount of time, it would be considered abandoned and now be yours. Then I'd either use it or sell it. She obviously didn't care about what happened to it 🙄
This is why I don't use apps to talk, if people want to talk they'll have to call me. I see how people constantly overreact because the messages aren't replied to in a timely fashion or left on read. As if people aren't allowed to be busy with something else, aren't allowed to be online without replying right away. If something like that ends friendships, then the friendship wasn't worth anything.
It's not just the length of time to answer a message, but also the "let's hang out as long as you pay it all" attitude.
Load More Replies... I worry that I am this friend sometimes. I have three kids (2/3 with ASD and ADHD) and a husband who works very long hours and I simply don’t have the mental capacity to (or actually availability) to be a friend as I would like to. Consequently, I find myself being out of contact for ages until need a lift to work when my car’s broken/need someone to pick up a kid from school when I have an appointment for another kid/need school info etc. (although, I don’t think I would have the audacity to cajole someone into buying an exxy blender for me). I HATE HATE HATE being that friend, I really do. And I get to midnight when all the tasks are done and think “Oh, gee, some time! Wish I had a friend to talk to”, but, of course, I don’t cos I haven’t actually invested in talking to anyone previously (and, also, it’s very late). I really hate that people think i am like OP’s friend.
Hopefully nobody sees it that way. If it were me, I'd definitely take your challenges into consideration about when you can have time for yourself and friends. I worked many jobs that kept me busy like this for years and didn't have much extra time to give to friendships. I would still end up putting more time into my relationship with my SIL that was once very close with, but when she remarried, she changed, in many ways, not for the better and I went NC from her. I wish you luck though and hope that what friends you have do understand. When you work and have children with special needs and more attention than average, it's difficult to be a typical friend by normal standards, but sometimes you can still have very good relationships. I worked with individuals with developmental disabilities and I would absolutely be understanding of any parent of a child who requires extra attention. I wish you all the best and hope that you are gentle with yourself too.
Load More Replies... Had a friend who would always wanna meet up whenever she needed mental support, but besides that never heard from her inbetween. Then she badmouthed me behind my back for marrying a foreigner. Well, I'm happily married for 15 years!
Congratulations to you, I wish I has been as smart. Took me 20years to figure out my "friend" was just a user lol 😮💨
Had friends like this. Hey wanna hang at the mall? Have to pick them up. Hey wanna get lunch? Have to pay they don't have $. Hey wanna go to the makeup store? Well I need one thing myself. We go. They pour they don't have cash for something. I suggest a lower price dupe. Oh no that makes them break out. I say go look around some more. I go an pay for my item and wait outside. I can see them grab another two or three pricey things. Thinking I'm gonna pay. I wait. They start looking for me. They see me finally outside checking my watch. They put the stuff down and come out. Hey thought you were gonna get me something too. Did you ask? No. Well then no. Well would you get x for me? No. Why not? Too pricey I'm on a budget too. And I paid for lunch. Oh ok. Go back home. They don't text for a few months. Hey wanna go to the mall. No I'm busy an broke an you need to save your money too. Oh ok. Block. Done. They did this more than once but that was the last time.
I have a person who was a good friend for a long time and then I noticed that she never initiated calls or had excuses to not go out with us. 4 of us wasted nearly a year trying to get a date for steak night until I took initiative, set a date and waited for the "I might not be able to make it". It came, I said too bad and had a lovely steak and catch up with the others. She is undergoing a ton of medical stuff, some real, some munchausen and I am done with the pity-me bombs. She does it in the group chat now and nobody responds. She has however been well enough to eat delivery most days and go to Westfield (a MASSIVE mall in London). I'm done expending energy there.
you handled the situation so beautifully! I wish I had done something similarly artful when I figured out that my college friend was just initiating contact when there was something I could do for her! I took care of her cat for three weeks by driving across town twice a day, I threw her a going away party, I helped them move, etc. It dawned on me I was getting used when I realized her bestie's office was RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET (!) who is more convenient for her to ask me to do this, than her friend. When they moved, I offered to take their bed to the local charity for them. But, this charity wasn't taking beds so I have to take it to the dump. there is no word of thank you about this, my friend was just sad because no one would get to use her bed. She was sad about the bed. She didn't care that I had taken my time and $30 for the dump run on a hot holiday to help her move. I blocked them on every platform. What is sideways for time?
oops, that was supposed to say, "what a sad waste of time," i'm a fool for thinking that she liked me for me!
Load More Replies... I'm jealous of y'all who have enough people who tolerate you to be able to cut off the one-sided friendships. I have one friend who talks to me at all when I'm not actively demanding his attention. He's the best and probably the only person in the world who I actually trust, which is great. Seriously tho literally all of my friendships are one sided, I've lost a lot of friends by just getting tired of saying hi and starting 'conversations' with them every few days.
The same goes for family. People say you shouldn’t be friends with anyone on the basis of expectation or what you can “get” but, I at least expect mutual and reciprocal effort and respect. If you can’t afford me that, then I’m no longer interested. It took me 12 years to say “no” to my sister. The one time I did, and stood firm… I’ve been blocked on all means of contact accessible to her and slated to any family who will listen. The thing is, they all feel the same as I do, that she uses them and takes advantage of them. They won’t “side” with her but won’t stand up to her either. It’s frustrating!
The key here is that the friend responds quick when she wants something. Cuz you shouldn't throw away a good friend simply because they're not the most social person as long as you have fun when you do hang out.
I used to have "friends" like that. Finally wised up in my 30s. I have sent more than one text that just simply said, :Friendship terminated due to lack of interest". I am no contact with my youngest sister for this very reason. She is a self centered, entitled b*tch. Her life is nothing but a self inflicted drama filled sh*t show that she has always expected me to attend to. Nope. A little over 2 years ago I'd had it. I, against my better judgment, helped her out of a scary situation and she did nothing but take advantage at every turn. I didn't say anything to her, I wasn't mean or nasty (her two most common moods) I just basically ghosted her. I removed her as a Facebook friend and stopped returning her calls and texts. I'm sure she thought I just needed some space because after a few months she started in again. I finally responded and said, "Look. You're my sister & I love you, but I don't want to speak to you. Please stop blowing up my phone". She finally got it. No regrets.
I knew someone like this. He'd only msg when he wanted something. I realized it was a completely one way street when I would wish him a happy birthday on his bday and he didn't do the same for me many years in a row. My bday is less than a week after his so it should have been fresh on his mind if he actually cared. I just stopped msging him at all. I won't be doing him any favors either.
It means they can see you’ve read the message and that you haven’t responded.
Load More Replies... Not much of a victory, not like she got a free blender. I just despise these one sided takes. You can never be sure what context is being left out. Especially if it is about some sort of relationship
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