Friend Offers To Pay For Friend’s B-Day Dinner, Refuses When They See Where He Chose
Generosity and reciprocity are core parts of friendship. Being true friends with someone means understanding the need for a healthy give-and-take dynamic. You naturally want to do nice things for each other without attaching any strings.
So it’s a bit of a head-scratcher when someone who you thought you were close to does something slightly mean. Reddit user u/fakeenamee, who is vegan, turned to the AITA online community for their help with a delicate situation. The OP promised to pay for their friend’s birthday dinner. However, he intentionally picked a restaurant that pokes fun at vegans and has no food the OP can eat. Scroll down for the full story.
Bored Panda has reached out to the author via Reddit, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from them.
Paying for a close friend’s birthday dinner is a lovely and creative idea for a gift
Image credits: Los Muertos Crew / Pexels (not the actual photo)
An internet user asked for advice after their friend purposefully chose a restaurant that does not serve food that they can eat
Image credits: Yan Krukau / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: fakeenamee
Food is meant to bring people together, not drive them apart
The internet user’s story made quite a big splash on Reddit. At the time of writing, the post has 11k upvotes and 3k comments.
The vast majority of the readers were very supportive. They thought that the OP would be doing nothing wrong if they decided to go back on their promise to treat their friend to a lavish meal.
Taking the entire context into account, it really does sound like a very expensive way to have an awful time going out.
Food is what connects people and deepens relationships, no matter their culture. So to entirely exclude someone from being able to eat sends a very clear and unfriendly message.
As redditor u/fakeenamee said, they would have been perfectly fine eating at a non-vegan restaurant, so long as they had something they could nibble.
“I expected him to pick a steak house and I would’ve been fine with a salad and some side,” they explained to the AITA online community. “I didn’t expect him to choose somewhere that prides themselves on meat being in every single dish on the menu.”
Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 (not the actual photo)
It’s important to be honest with ourselves about whether our friends invest the same amount of effort into us as we do in them
It would be incredibly difficult for anyone to throw away a friendship that has lasted years or even decades. And, truth be told, there’s no such thing as a ‘perfect’ friend. Everyone has their flaws, just like they have their upsides.
However, there are moments that take us aback and make us question the very foundation on which our friendship is built. Even though friendships should not be tossed aside lightly, it’s vital that we’re honest about where we stand.
For instance, let’s say that we suddenly realize that we always move mountains for someone who’s never around to help us out.
Then, it would only be fair that we put less time and effort into the friendship—it’s not a good social investment. We can also broach the problem head-on and talk to our pals about how their behavior affects us. It’s possible that they’re not aware of this.
Or… they might simply not value our friendship as much as we do. Someone might be our BFF, but we’re only a tertiary buddy to them. Yes, this fact might hurt. But it’s better to embrace the bitter truth than to live surrounded by cozy illusions.
If you feel like your friends don’t respect you and you cannot trust them, it’s very likely that the relationship needs strengthening. Alternatively, you may need to enforce healthier boundaries with these people.
Anyone who constantly talks about you behind your back, constantly asks for favors, and isn’t around to help you when you need it is a false friend. You should also be concerned if someone constantly gets jealous when things are going well for you and if they don’t offer you any support when you’re down on your luck.
Authentic friendship isn’t just about supporting one another, though. It also means telling the truth and being honest when the other person steps out of line.
The author shared a bit more context in a comment
Most folks were very supportive of the internet user. Here’s the advice they gave them on handling the delicate situation
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Just confront him: ‘hey man, this is not cool. I’m not treating you to a dinner I can’t attend myself. So choose a veganfriendly place or the offer’s gone’. Make it jokey or just serious - because it it serious. And rethink the friendship
As the OP itself said, it doesn't even need to be vegan friendly. Just not outright vegan hostile. I can understand wanting to go a BBQ place like that (I like BBQ). But it's unbelievably rude to completely exclude the vegan friend. Though, I do wonder whether in the past the vegan has dragged his mate to places that are vegan only. Maybe he's thinking this is tit for tat?
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Just confront him: ‘hey man, this is not cool. I’m not treating you to a dinner I can’t attend myself. So choose a veganfriendly place or the offer’s gone’. Make it jokey or just serious - because it it serious. And rethink the friendship
As the OP itself said, it doesn't even need to be vegan friendly. Just not outright vegan hostile. I can understand wanting to go a BBQ place like that (I like BBQ). But it's unbelievably rude to completely exclude the vegan friend. Though, I do wonder whether in the past the vegan has dragged his mate to places that are vegan only. Maybe he's thinking this is tit for tat?
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