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Søren Kierkegaard said, "Marry, and you will regret it; don't marry, you will also regret it; marry or don't marry, you will regret it either way."
Although it can be difficult to get over, regret is a fundamental part of the human experience. So, interested in people's past choices that continue to linger in their minds, Reddit user ThickEmployee8948 asked everyone on the platform who's 30 and older to share the (in)actions they cannot forget.
The discussion that followed serves as a reminder that we cannot change the past — only learn from it.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Nothing. The person you were back then would always make the same exact decisions given the information you were aware of at the time. I don’t have regrets in life. I can only change now.
Nichole Harris 1 year ago
THIS is EXACTLY my philosophy!!! I've things I wish that could've been different but they couldn't be if I wanted to wind up where I did and I do cuz I'm AWESOME now
RELATED:
#2
Started smoking cigarettes. Did it for about 30 years although I've quit now. Don't do it kids !
#3
Staying in shape. It is so much harder later in life to keep up. lose weight and all the rest.
#4
TEETH
Wish I’d Brushed and flossed more regularly, gone to the dentist every six months; etc.
#5
Standing up for myself.
I lived way too long trying to make others happy and letting them manipulate me
My family used this to their fullest advantage
I stopped it now but wish I had the backbone 20 years ago.
Sven Horlemann 1 year ago
My wife and I never had that problem. But. You lose a lot of family, friends along the way. Meaning, you will pay a price and need to accept that.
#6
This is a little complicated, but I wish I had been able to come to terms with not caring what people think of me when I was younger. It did wonders for my confidence.
#7
Not learning a second language—I regret not taking the time to become bilingual when it would have been easier.
#8
Quit drinking. Alcohol sucks and it’s really bad for you. Wasn’t an alcoholic, just got really bad hangovers and anxiety after drinking. Haven’t had a sip in 51 weeks.
#9
Not prioritizing financial literacy—I wish I had learned more about money management and investing at a younger age.
Brian Droste 1 year ago
When I was younger when first presented with a 401K plan, I didn't understand what that was about. Wish I would have ask questions and started one back in my 20's. Wish had kept it up. Way my life turned out not sure how it would have worked out though. I am retired now but not sure if I would be better off financiall y
#10
My friends and I talked about doing a 2-3 week Europe trip back in our 20s. “Oh maybe next year”. Eventually jobs, bills and families put all that to rest.
Nerenahd Dhaneren 1 year ago
I did it with 5 friends, 04 weeks. Hands down the best trip of my life. Well worth it I worked for it and it was one of the best money I've ever spent.
#11
Not taking my education seriously.
keyboardtek 1 year ago
After you get your education and a degree you will discover all that knowledge is just the foundation for what you need to know in the real work world. If you do not have that foundational knowledge you will be a failure in the real world. The rest of your life will be all about learning new things and dealing with new problems. Better get the most out of your school experience.
#12
I wish I had treated myself with respect, and taken my mental health seriously. I'm doing that now and it's making a big difference. .
#13
Worked an awful, dead end job for way too long.
Kate Jones 1 year ago
I wish I knew a way out. Everyone always says this but there's no concrete examples of how to get out except for the obvious ways--go to school or actually know what you want to get into and work toward that. I never knew what I wanted to do. I've been on my own since I was 17 so the rent was always due. I couldn't go an 'find' myself. I don't have someone's couch I can sleep on if it didn't work out. So I just stayed at a job I hate because they gave me just enough raises to keep me from being able to start all over from the bottom again. If I knew what I wanted to do I might risk it. If you don't, then it's too risky to start over for a job that might end up being just as bad.
#14
I regret doing what my parents expected of me instead of what I wanted to do.
#15
I regret buying into the workplace b******t when I was younger. Being the 'goto' guy isn't going to put food on the table. It's not going to pay your medical bills. It's not gonna get you that promotion. Unless you have a contract stating *x* will get you *y* do NOT go out of your way to 'help' businesses. Don't be lazy, but don't be consistently picking up other peoples slack or rushing to put out 'fires'.
#16
I regret thinking that nice things were not for people like me. The number of experiences, travel, career opportunities I turned down is crazy. All because I didn't think I was good enough to deserve them.
#17
Wear Sunscreen.
Sven Horlemann 1 year ago
For a time I felt a bit strange, returning from vacation in France and not being as tanned as others. Now (at 57)... I am just glad.
#18
I'm currently estranged from my parents. They have the ability to end this at any time, they just won't. They controlled me all through my childhood and I kept chasing approval from them. I missed out on so many experiences because I wanted to be an obedient good kid. I wish I had done more stupid s**t when I was younger. D***s, sex, rock and roll. Instead, I was consumed with panic attacks over losing my 4.0 and now that I'm a burnt out gifted kid in my thirties, I really struggle to relate to people my own age.
Sven Horlemann 1 year ago
Yeah, finding what YOU want is hard when parents try to instill their views. Honestly. F*ck 'em. If they do not love you for what you are, they are the problem.
#19
Dealing with my trauma instead of running from it.
Seb Benson 1 year ago (edited)
This one is as true as it is easier said that done. So so so important to actually deal with things in the long run.
#20
Not realizing how quickly needing to be an adult creeps up on you. I remember being 17 and thinking 30 was so far away. Now I’m closing in on 40 and wishing I had done more to prep for being an adult.
#21
Not keeping in touch with old friends. Thought we’d reconnect easily, but everyone drifted apart and got busy with their own lives.
#22
Not taking school seriously, not learning to play an instrument, not chosing a sport and sticking to it.
Katrina Nixon 1 year ago
If they made school more interesting I would have, but basically memorizing useless c**p never did it for me.
#23
Letting fear hold me back from trying new things or taking on challenges—I wish I had embraced uncertainty and failure as opportunities for growth.
RabidChild 1 year ago
This is a big one for me. I let fear of failure or embarrassment keep me from doing the things I wanted and now it's too late
#24
Not being unapologetically myself.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
"You might as well be yourself. Everyone else is taken." - Oscar Wilde (attributed)
#25
Not taking breaks to recharge—I wish I had recognized the importance of rest and relaxation for overall well-being.
Jallamedalla 1 year ago
Same! I crashed an burned so hard at 40! Still not back to work getting close to 2 years...
#26
TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.
If you are young and having back issues or any other chronic or not problem you HAVE to take care of this before it spirals out of control. you may think you're tough and push through it now or that they will go away but these types of problems can slowly get worse and worse and creep up on you.
I am currently living with the consequences of this. I feel like I am 90 and I have at least 4 major health issues at the moment and I don't even know where to start. if I had tackled my neck issues when I was younger my life would be a lot better right now.
EDIT - all these stories I feel them. I remember coming to the realization that no it is not in fact normal to have back pain when you're young. I remember having to stop and sit down when I was like 14 whenever I walked any distances. it was like having someone stick a broomstick in your back super hard. I just lived through the pain thinking that it would eventually go away like a moron. I am 30 now and doing the dishes aggravates my neck so badly that I nearly have to lay down after doing them. I am lucky that my situation allows me to be flexible and lay down when I need to.
EDIT - a youngun might see this but ladies out there! I had this friend in high school that had some pain in her uterus and it turned into a living nightmare of pain. if you young ladies reading this have pain in your uterus, ovaries etc or really strange crazy periods you NEED to see a doctor. these things can turn life threatening.
keyboardtek 1 year ago
I have modified my diet, swim every day, do back exercises and stretches everyday, meditate. All now habits that my lousy health forced me into doing. It was either take good care of myself or be dead.
#27
Travel. One you have a family, career, mortgage payments, etc, the time, resources and energy for travel just seemed to disappear.
#28
Not learning to manage stress and anxiety—I wish I had developed healthy coping mechanisms earlier in life.
#29
My grandmother died and left me - and only me - a sizeable inheritance. The same year I had just finished chemo and thought perhaps a windfall was an upswing. I knew my grandmother a little, but I left home pretty early and enlisted after that, so we never had a relationship really - but I got out and away, and the rest of our family were vipers, which was enough to put me at the top. My brother, feeling left out, challenged the will, and emptied his savings doing so. I offered him half, but he felt entitled to all of it. At the end of it, penniless and desperate, my brother ended his own life. Most of the money was eaten up in court, and what was left wasn't much. If you ever receive news of an inheritance or windfall, please consider that your family may destroy itself in pursuit of the money. Even if they're going to act that way anyway, you will at least be able to sleep at night.
#30
Not standing up for causes I believe in—I wish I had been more vocal and active in advocating for social justice and equality.
Persephone hates Pomegranate ️ 1 year ago
my university held a free Palestine protest on campus yesterday. however, i did not go or interact, i (a black person) watched from the distance. why? because everybody there was white. if i or my other brown bodied friends even interacted, we would have been targeted by city police. i have not even gone to a BLM protest, as I am scared of being targeted/arrested/wrongly prejudiced. make protests safer for POCs, then I will be able to fight for what I believe in. until then, my safety comes first in a country where I am a minority.
#31
I regret not blocking toxic family members from my life.
#32
Start an investment portfolio or like a Roth/IRA Even if you only dump $10/mo in it. Even if your job does one. Start building long term wealth for the cost of a burger. I was able to pay the down payment on my first house by draining my Roth that I started at 18.
#33
I had as much fun as I could when I was in my teens and twenties. Do I regret spending money I didn't have doing things I shouldn't have because it set me back financially 10 years? no, yes, not really. Would I rather do those things in my 60s-70s when I could afford it? No. So no, I don't regret it. Do the things if you can while you can because tomorrow may not come for you. That's doesn't mean break the law. It means if you want to take a trip to see what the hell ever, just do. Because once you start adulting you may have the money to do but you sure as s**t won't have the time. Do I regret breaking my body playing sports and other activities that I am now sufferings through because I pushed my body to an extreme level? When I am hurting a lot? yeah. When I am reminiscing about it? No. It was fun as hell. So while you are young, you do you. Go have fun. As long as the only person you are hurting is you. Now when you get older and look back and think. "maybe I shouldn't have done that or said that" All that means you are growing as a person. I hope you have those moments before you are 30 but it's never to late to stop being a d**k.
meeeeeeeeeeee 1 year ago
Are people who ask themselves questions then answer them like this usually liars? yes
#34
Getting married so young. I’m getting divorced now, but I wish I had more single time in my twenties.
GoldenRhino 1 year ago
Waited for someone to mention getting married too early. One of my biggest regrets in life. Not because I missed out on single life, but because I was way too young to chose the right person for me.
#35
Education seriously, travelled more, cut off toxic people sooner, invested in my future and didn't blow money on dumb s**t.
#36
All the drinking in my late teens into my mid twenties. Who knows where I’d be now if I hadn’t wasted so much time and money getting drunk with a bunch of losers back then.
Sven Horlemann 1 year ago
...on the other hand, these can be viewed as fun times, too. But you only ever know in hindsight.
#37
Kinda the opposite of most people, but I wish I partied more, heh. I worked all throughout college and didn't have that "typical" college experience of going to parties, drinking, whatever. I kinda did that when I was like 27-29 but that's all I got. By the time I was 30 I wanted to get it together, which I did. You should never compare yourself/your life to other people, but looking back, my 20s were generally pretty boring when you look at what most other people were doing at that time in their lives.
#38
Asking more girls out, being more fearless and taking more chances.
keyboardtek 1 year ago
When I was a teen, the female was a mysterious scary being that I could not understand. At 69, I still feel the same.
#39
Excuse me 30 is still young
But mine would be acting like I'm 30 and not enjoying my teens and twenties like I should.
#40
Quitting my career to be a SAHM. It had to happen, it was a necessity and thoroughly talked and agreed upon. It just kills me daily knowing I could have been really great. .
#41
I wish I hadn’t treated life like it was a rehearsal. I didn’t do d***s or drink dangerously or do anything exciting enough to be worth the risk, but I lost friends and family by just being selfish. I shouldn’t have been so impulsive or assumed there would always be “second chances”.
#43
Wish I hadn't worried so much about not being in a relationship. I wish I'd slept around a little more before getting married and having kids. I regret not doing work on my mental health sooner.
#44
I did my thesis on regret as a function of age (using a survey with 1400 participants). The overwhelming finding was that regret for things that you fail to do (omission regrets) stick with you much more than regrets for things you did (commission regrets). Furthermore, when we are young, omission regrets are less salient and meaningful. As we age, regret for things we fail to do bother us more while we tend to get over our commission regrets. This is not surprising. What was surprising was that people with a sense of spirituality find that having regret (regardless of the type) is a useful experience, and they benefit from revisiting or thinking about these things in several domains: making sense of life, fostering social connections, and guiding future decisions.
keyboardtek 1 year ago
The nice thing about getting old is that as your memory gets worse, you no long remember those events you have regrets about. The ones you do remember, you do not give a s**t about.
#45
I regret changing degrees in pursue of my idiotic dreams.
MotherofGuineaPigs 1 year ago
I did. Then had to find a job in another industry. No work for it then, now it is an in demand job.
#46
Regret spending my twenties playing video games. I did go to uni and got a degree as well, but there's so much I never experienced because I just sat in my room on my computer all the time.
#47
Psychedelics, regret not doing.
#49
Not traveling solo—I wish I had taken the opportunity to explore the world on my own terms.
tracy black 1 year ago
i hate traveling alone wish i didnt id take a lot more trips but i just cant did it once hated eve4ry minute of it. didnt enjoy the trip at all never again
#50
Not taking more risks in my career—I regret not seizing opportunities or pursuing my dreams more boldly.
#51
When I was 30 I was married. We were in the process of moving. The wife had gone on ahead and I would be following in a month after finishing up my job. Everything was packed up and sent ahead. I was sleeping on an air mattress and had a lawn chair in the living room. No TV. no computer. My only entertainment was library books. So a few days before I was scheduled to leave I just got so bored of reading library books that I decided to go out. I hit up a local bar, had a good time. I'd been talking to a couple of college girls and one thing lead to another and they invited me back to their place for a threesome. And I thought to myself, there's no way the wife could ever find out. I'll be gone in 2 day so there's no way that these girls would ever be able to track me down again. It's perfect. And then I turned them down, because I'm married and that means something to me. My marriage was worth more than a one time fling. Anyway, long story short, 3 years later I was divorced after finding out that my wife slept with 5 other men. I kind of regret my choice now.
#52
100 sit ups every day.
#54
Not taking advantage of networking opportunities—I wish I had built a stronger professional network and sought mentorship earlier in my career.
#55
Starting my youtube channel...I was too scared...Now I'm at 67,000 subscribers after a year and 3ish months...
What do you think ?
Scarlett 1 year ago
I wish I never had anorexia. I’ve lost almost all the volume in my hair. I wish I’d never tried to OD because now I have permanent stomach problems. I wish I’d not spent my high school wallowing in depression because I missed out on everything, sports, friends, hobbies, first relationships. I wish I’d done better in high school because my GPA from then is so bad I barely got into a community college (I worked my a*s off senior year so I’d pass).
ElfVibratorGlitter 1 year ago
I'm so sorry to hear this. I struggled with anorexia for a majority of my life. You'd never believe it now, I hardly do, but I've managed to have a healthy relationship with food for almost two years now! Wish you all the best. Please hang in there. Sometimes things do get better. Hugs.
Load More Replies...
ADZ 1 year ago (edited)
Mine: when you have health problems and doctors dismiss them, go elsewhere. My back is f****d and I will need spinal surgery. All through my twenties I was told "do these physio" exercises that will help. Went to new doctors after relocating. Sent for a scan, doctor couldn't believe the scarring and damage and how I'd been functioning at all. Currently I can't even work.
Sara Anderson 1 year ago (edited)
I wish I had never discovered sugary treats, chocolate etc., and watching tv as a hobby. My family moved just after 6th grade for me, so I lost all my friends, I had social anxiety (not that my mom acknowledged mental health issues) and trouble meeting new people and making friends. So I made friends with cable TV and Little Debbie and her friend - still my weakness to this day - strawberry fruit roll-ups. My mom always had them in the house...and cakes and cookies...because my dad loved them. I gained weight and lost any self confidence I had, which wasn't much, admittedly. I've struggled with my weight, self respect and confidence my whole life. I'm 44 now. My dad had type 2 diabetes before he died at the age of 62 from heart failure when he tried to quit smoking at the beginning of 2018. All this to say, I wish I had never discovered my sweet tooth and hope someday to have it removed so I stop craving sugar the way I do. It'll probably kill me the same way it did my dad.
Thomas Hunt, Jr. 1 year ago
I wish the darn doctors never lied to myself or my parents growing up. Wish I knew I was a natural born eunuch a lot sooner than when I found out. Wish I was never assaulted and ended up a recluse for the last 24 years..... Too many wishes, too much bs regrets. Now my life is f*d up with no escape. I see no one, I talk to no one.
Scarlett 1 year ago
I wish I never had anorexia. I’ve lost almost all the volume in my hair. I wish I’d never tried to OD because now I have permanent stomach problems. I wish I’d not spent my high school wallowing in depression because I missed out on everything, sports, friends, hobbies, first relationships. I wish I’d done better in high school because my GPA from then is so bad I barely got into a community college (I worked my a*s off senior year so I’d pass).
ElfVibratorGlitter 1 year ago
I'm so sorry to hear this. I struggled with anorexia for a majority of my life. You'd never believe it now, I hardly do, but I've managed to have a healthy relationship with food for almost two years now! Wish you all the best. Please hang in there. Sometimes things do get better. Hugs.
Load More Replies... ADZ 1 year ago (edited)
Mine: when you have health problems and doctors dismiss them, go elsewhere. My back is f****d and I will need spinal surgery. All through my twenties I was told "do these physio" exercises that will help. Went to new doctors after relocating. Sent for a scan, doctor couldn't believe the scarring and damage and how I'd been functioning at all. Currently I can't even work.
Sara Anderson 1 year ago (edited)
I wish I had never discovered sugary treats, chocolate etc., and watching tv as a hobby. My family moved just after 6th grade for me, so I lost all my friends, I had social anxiety (not that my mom acknowledged mental health issues) and trouble meeting new people and making friends. So I made friends with cable TV and Little Debbie and her friend - still my weakness to this day - strawberry fruit roll-ups. My mom always had them in the house...and cakes and cookies...because my dad loved them. I gained weight and lost any self confidence I had, which wasn't much, admittedly. I've struggled with my weight, self respect and confidence my whole life. I'm 44 now. My dad had type 2 diabetes before he died at the age of 62 from heart failure when he tried to quit smoking at the beginning of 2018. All this to say, I wish I had never discovered my sweet tooth and hope someday to have it removed so I stop craving sugar the way I do. It'll probably kill me the same way it did my dad.
Thomas Hunt, Jr. 1 year ago
I wish the darn doctors never lied to myself or my parents growing up. Wish I knew I was a natural born eunuch a lot sooner than when I found out. Wish I was never assaulted and ended up a recluse for the last 24 years..... Too many wishes, too much bs regrets. Now my life is f*d up with no escape. I see no one, I talk to no one.
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