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Woman Confronts Son’s BFF’s Mother After She Learns That Her Boy Was Cut Off From Their Shared Lunch To Save Money
One of the best perks of being a kid is having no worries. Kids don’t have to stress about how they will pay rent, making sure they do their taxes on time, taking care of children or where their next meal will come from. Well, they shouldn’t have to worry about any of those things. But unfortunately, there are some kids who grow up in environments where they don’t have the luxury of coming home to a refrigerator full of food or parents who will pack them lunch every morning. In fact, there are many kids in that situation, as according to No Kid Hungry, as many as 9 million children in the United States currently live in “food insecure” households.
One parent on Reddit recently shared that their son’s best friend is one of those children. They noted that, in the past, they had been ensuring that the boy always got lunch, but recently, things have changed. The parent is now wondering if they were in the wrong for prohibiting their son for sharing food with his friend, and many passionate readers have weighed in. Below, you can read the parent’s full explanation, as well as some of the replies it has received, and an interview we were lucky enough to receive from Executive Director of Brown Bagging for Calgary’s Kids, Bethany Ross.
Then let us know in the comments how you feel about all of this. Have you ever helped a child who you knew might go hungry if you didn’t? Or do you know what it feels like to be the child left without lunch?
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
After deciding not to pack lunches for their son’s best friend anymore, this parent is wondering if they handled the situation poorly
Image credits: Hillshire Farm (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Taylor Flowe (not the actual photo)
While it is not this parent’s fault that their son’s best friend does not have enough money or food at home for lunch, once they became aware of the situation, it became their responsibility. As an adult, they understand that no child should go without lunch, and they should have taken steps to ensure this boy would never go without a meal. Most schools have programs that will provide free meals to kids in need, if their parents cannot afford to pay for lunch, but these programs are of no use if no one reaches out for help. It should not be this young boy’s responsibility to notify the school that he does not have food at home, but this parent can be his advocate and speak up to make sure he is well-fed and taken care of.
To gain more insight into this topic, we reached out to Bethany Ross, Executive Director of Brown Bagging for Calgary’s Kids, a Canadian organization that seeks to ensure no kid is ever without lunch. First, we asked Bethany how common it is for children to be going hungry at home or in school. “Every day, we see more and more kids and families facing food insecurity,” she told Bored Panda. “Alberta had the highest rate of food insecurity in 2021 at 20.3%. 1 in 5 children under the age of 18 lives in a household that experienced some level of food insecurity. There are studies that show that a kid experiencing food insecurity loses 132 minutes of learning each day if they are hungry at school … It is a pretty common issue. We are close to providing lunch for 6,000 kids every school day.”
We also asked Bethany what adults should do when they become aware of a child who is going hungry. “If they’re in Calgary, they can talk to their school and ask about the Brown Bagging for Calgary’s Kids (BB4CK) program. Our program is on over 225 schools in Calgary. If our program is not in a school, please reach out to our family connector Jasmine at jasmine@bb4ck.org. She will happily help families find food resources in our city. We are a barrier-free program, which means if a kid needs lunch we will give them lunch. No questions asked.”
“For folks outside of Calgary, we’d encourage them to reach out to their school or to find local resources that can help. Many cities have the option to call 211 to learn about community support,” Bethany says. And for pandas who aren’t living in Canada, you may need to do a bit of research about the programs available in your own countries, but if you’re living in the US, you can contact No Kid Hungry, and if you’re living in the UK, you can reach out to The Food Foundation.
Helping food insecure children can make a huge difference in many people’s lives. Bethany shared with Bored Panda that, “Over 400 volunteers get together in over 30 BB4CK kitchens to make sure close to 6,000 kids receive a sandwich, fruit, veggies and snacks every school day. We reach as many kids as we can and provide them with a nutritious lunch that fills their bellies and minds. People can help in many different ways, they can volunteer in one of our kitchens, donate, host a snack drive, host a fundraiser event and follow us on social media, helping us raise awareness. Talking about food insecurity for kids, and how this is an issue that impacts nearly everyone in a community, is also a valuable way to help make changes, so all kids have the food they need.”
“We are here to help,” Bethany added. “We know with high food prices, more and more families are stretching their dollars to make ends meet. We can help by providing a nutritious lunch every school day. Please don’t hesitate to reach out.” If you live in Calgary and want to learn more about BB4CK, you can find their website right here.
As many readers pointed out, in this particular child’s household, there may be more issues at hand than just a lack of food. Sadly, the bizarre and neglectful behavior of the parents might constitute a call to Child Protective Services. And as someone who has been made aware about this situation, it would be wrong for this parent to ignore a child in need. Even if there is nothing illegal happening in that home, starving a child should never go unpunished or unnoticed. It is much better for this parent to get involved and have someone doing welfare checks on this child than to allow more time, and more trauma, to take place.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this upsetting topic in the comments down below. If you’ve ever had to intervene to help out a child in need, feel free to share how you went about it, and if you know of any more resources to contact in situations like this, you can share them with your fellow pandas as well. No person on this planet should ever be forced to skip meals, especially children who depend on adults to look out for them and care for them.
Many readers told the parent that they should have done more to help, including contacting the school and/or authorities
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Mad Dragon 3 years ago
My policy is to always feed the hungry kid. I don’t care why they are hungry, I feed the hungry kid. Two pieces of bread with turkey or a yogurt and a banana won’t put you into financial crisis. Report to CPS if you think there is a neglectful situation, but feed the hungry kid in the meantime.
Well-Dressed Wolf 3 years ago
Yes! When I was in middle school (late 80s-early 90s), I had a group of friends. There were 5 of us, and two of the kids barely brought any food for lunchtime - sometimes just a baggie of chips or a juice box. The 5 of us always “pooled” our lunches and made sure everyone got equal amounts of food from the pool. We did this instinctively. Kids have to be taught to be a-holes.
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Mason Kronol 3 years ago
I don't understand why this mom didn't at the very least get the school involved and make sure he was getting a free lunch. What did she think this child did on days her son was out sick? Also a lot of schools provide a breakfast before school. And like some people have mentioned it seems pretty obvious the kid is being neglected and the patents need investigated. He needs serious help, not just a meal.
terri bauer 3 years ago
Because his parents have to fill out the paper work for free lunch. It’s a federal program that requires paperwork. Try turning someone into DCFS. They figure it out usually. That parent comes after you with a vengeance.
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Peter Elder 3 years ago
Years ago, I was in Peter's situation. A friend would occasionally buy an extra sandwich, but then say he wasn't that hungry, and offer it to me. He was close enough to guess something was wrong at my house because I never had anyone over, but didn't know exactly what was going on. I had previously been in a church-run "children's home" that was worse than going hungry living with my mentally ill single parent. If someone had called CPS, I'd have worried about being sent back to institutional care and may have run away to live on the street. Situations can be complicated and reporting to CPS etc. can have unintended consequences (though I hope things are better now than when I was younger).
Jessica Olson 3 years ago
That was much the same as my thoughts with all the people jumping straight to cps. If you see injuries ya, but if you have vague suspicions based on the reports of a 12-13 year old, you should at least be investing a little first. Like maybe try being a human and connecting with your child's "best friends" parents. For all she knows the kid did get lunch daily but didn't like it and preferred the food her kid had. I don't know how many days I sent a lunch and my kids brought every single piece of it back home... But after a year the family definitely didn't keep sending unused lunches. A 1 week warning you are stopping the double lunch is both easy and not that expensive.
Load More Replies...
Mason Kronol 3 years ago
Nobody is condemning her for feeding the child. People are mad she cut off the lunches with no warning to him and his parents. She also never contacted the school to see if he was being fed or in a dangerous situation at home. Every day we read news articles of children of all ages being neglected, starved, beaten and even killed by parents and step parents. Google the Turpin children. Some were adults and suffered permanent mental and physical damage from severe neglect.
Load More Replies...
Mary Pigott 3 years ago (edited)
I have four much older brothers. Both my parents worked full-time, my dad also had a part-time job. By high school, I was already traumatized by life. I usually didn't get any breakfast, unless by some miracle, I had the kitchen to myself. I wouldn't say we were poor, but I was the smallest animal in the barnyard and getting anything was a struggle. They'd eat all the food, even taking mine. My best friend's father noticed that she was sharing her lunches with me, so he started packing two lunches. I'll never forget that. Her dad also would stuff me to bursting if I had dinner at their house. He was a fireman.
Diane Aguilar 3 years ago
Did you ever bring this up with your brothers? I feel like they owe you an apology for how they treated you when you were growing up.
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Trixi Black 3 years ago
It is. Which is why I just don't help to begin with. This woman fed someone else's child for a year without anyone asking because she felt like she needed to step in. And when she couldn't afford it, not she didn't want to, she couldn't afford to, people are mad she didn't tell another family about her personal finances. How entitled can people be. Next time she sees someone in need, she'll be less inclined to help which is sad because she seems to have a good heart. That's the fastest way to turn good people into people who are indifferent to everything.
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Chucky Cheezburger 3 years ago
I think the mom could have went about it in a better way. Yes, she should have informed someone about a kid going hungry. Yes, she should have let Pete know that they weren't able to feed him any longer, preferably with a grace period. But wow, the comments saying the mom is an AH for not sending food...the mom saw a hungry kid and fed him, and continued to for a year, out of kindness.But somewhere along the line, at least in the mind of Petes mom, it became an obligation. That's what grinds my gears. When you do something to help someone out kindness, and the helpee begins to see it as something the helper HAS to do instead of WANT to do. The helpee isn't entitled to the help. Instead of being thankful for the help they have already received, they get upset because now they have to take responsibility for what the helper was doing out of kindness and not obligation. And since she called to complain,Pete's mom knew that Greg's mom fed him.Thats why Pete's mom is the real AH here.
Ramona Jackson 3 years ago
She's an AH for cutting off Peter without a word to him that she could no longer afford it.
Load More Replies... Furious George 3 years ago
Locking themselves in the garage means drugs. Simply packing lunches for him was not enough in the first place.
Paula Steiner 3 years ago
That's the first thing I thought of, meth. But yeah, consuming not cooking, unless the meth business isn't as profitable as people think.
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Izzy Jeanette 3 years ago
NTA in my opinion, and kind for providing for her son's friend. Peter's mum is definitely neglectful, and so I think OP is only TA by not reporting Peter's parents to either the school or other services.
Lisa H 3 years ago
I went hungry at school lunch so many times because we were THAT strapped for cash. I didn't want to ask for lunch money and I didn't want to "waste" the food we had at home. And I never said anything to anyone because I didn't want to get my parents in trouble and I didn't want to burden anyone with my "petty" problems. I feel so bad for Peter. I agree that CPS probably should have gotten involved, but Peter's life would have turned completely upside down as a result. He may have ended up being worse off with no stability in his life whatsoever. Chances are he would have ended up in foster care and who actually wants that? I also feel bad for OP for being put in this situation in the first place. I know what it's like to have to savor every penny and be as thrifty as possible. To some "it's only a few more dollars", but to OP , it was either put gas in the car, or feed their family, or feed this other kid," no way are all of the above possible. This really is a tough situation.
AgedViolet 3 years ago
You're right about foster care. Too often, the abuse and neglect is far worse than what the child endured with their parents (nine-year survivor here). Calling CPS would have been the best thing for OP to do. However, never having dealt with a situation like this, it's easy to be caught off-guard. OP is definitely not an AH. Besides, would any of YOU look any better in the same situation, having done the same thing?
Load More Replies...
Mad Dragon 3 years ago
My policy is to always feed the hungry kid. I don’t care why they are hungry, I feed the hungry kid. Two pieces of bread with turkey or a yogurt and a banana won’t put you into financial crisis. Report to CPS if you think there is a neglectful situation, but feed the hungry kid in the meantime.
Well-Dressed Wolf 3 years ago
Yes! When I was in middle school (late 80s-early 90s), I had a group of friends. There were 5 of us, and two of the kids barely brought any food for lunchtime - sometimes just a baggie of chips or a juice box. The 5 of us always “pooled” our lunches and made sure everyone got equal amounts of food from the pool. We did this instinctively. Kids have to be taught to be a-holes.
Load More Replies... Mason Kronol 3 years ago
I don't understand why this mom didn't at the very least get the school involved and make sure he was getting a free lunch. What did she think this child did on days her son was out sick? Also a lot of schools provide a breakfast before school. And like some people have mentioned it seems pretty obvious the kid is being neglected and the patents need investigated. He needs serious help, not just a meal.
terri bauer 3 years ago
Because his parents have to fill out the paper work for free lunch. It’s a federal program that requires paperwork. Try turning someone into DCFS. They figure it out usually. That parent comes after you with a vengeance.
Load More Replies... Peter Elder 3 years ago
Years ago, I was in Peter's situation. A friend would occasionally buy an extra sandwich, but then say he wasn't that hungry, and offer it to me. He was close enough to guess something was wrong at my house because I never had anyone over, but didn't know exactly what was going on. I had previously been in a church-run "children's home" that was worse than going hungry living with my mentally ill single parent. If someone had called CPS, I'd have worried about being sent back to institutional care and may have run away to live on the street. Situations can be complicated and reporting to CPS etc. can have unintended consequences (though I hope things are better now than when I was younger).
Jessica Olson 3 years ago
That was much the same as my thoughts with all the people jumping straight to cps. If you see injuries ya, but if you have vague suspicions based on the reports of a 12-13 year old, you should at least be investing a little first. Like maybe try being a human and connecting with your child's "best friends" parents. For all she knows the kid did get lunch daily but didn't like it and preferred the food her kid had. I don't know how many days I sent a lunch and my kids brought every single piece of it back home... But after a year the family definitely didn't keep sending unused lunches. A 1 week warning you are stopping the double lunch is both easy and not that expensive.
Load More Replies... Mason Kronol 3 years ago
Nobody is condemning her for feeding the child. People are mad she cut off the lunches with no warning to him and his parents. She also never contacted the school to see if he was being fed or in a dangerous situation at home. Every day we read news articles of children of all ages being neglected, starved, beaten and even killed by parents and step parents. Google the Turpin children. Some were adults and suffered permanent mental and physical damage from severe neglect.
Load More Replies... Mary Pigott 3 years ago (edited)
I have four much older brothers. Both my parents worked full-time, my dad also had a part-time job. By high school, I was already traumatized by life. I usually didn't get any breakfast, unless by some miracle, I had the kitchen to myself. I wouldn't say we were poor, but I was the smallest animal in the barnyard and getting anything was a struggle. They'd eat all the food, even taking mine. My best friend's father noticed that she was sharing her lunches with me, so he started packing two lunches. I'll never forget that. Her dad also would stuff me to bursting if I had dinner at their house. He was a fireman.
Diane Aguilar 3 years ago
Did you ever bring this up with your brothers? I feel like they owe you an apology for how they treated you when you were growing up.
Load More Replies... Trixi Black 3 years ago
It is. Which is why I just don't help to begin with. This woman fed someone else's child for a year without anyone asking because she felt like she needed to step in. And when she couldn't afford it, not she didn't want to, she couldn't afford to, people are mad she didn't tell another family about her personal finances. How entitled can people be. Next time she sees someone in need, she'll be less inclined to help which is sad because she seems to have a good heart. That's the fastest way to turn good people into people who are indifferent to everything.
Load More Replies... Chucky Cheezburger 3 years ago
I think the mom could have went about it in a better way. Yes, she should have informed someone about a kid going hungry. Yes, she should have let Pete know that they weren't able to feed him any longer, preferably with a grace period. But wow, the comments saying the mom is an AH for not sending food...the mom saw a hungry kid and fed him, and continued to for a year, out of kindness.But somewhere along the line, at least in the mind of Petes mom, it became an obligation. That's what grinds my gears. When you do something to help someone out kindness, and the helpee begins to see it as something the helper HAS to do instead of WANT to do. The helpee isn't entitled to the help. Instead of being thankful for the help they have already received, they get upset because now they have to take responsibility for what the helper was doing out of kindness and not obligation. And since she called to complain,Pete's mom knew that Greg's mom fed him.Thats why Pete's mom is the real AH here.
Ramona Jackson 3 years ago
She's an AH for cutting off Peter without a word to him that she could no longer afford it.
Load More Replies... Furious George 3 years ago
Locking themselves in the garage means drugs. Simply packing lunches for him was not enough in the first place.
Paula Steiner 3 years ago
That's the first thing I thought of, meth. But yeah, consuming not cooking, unless the meth business isn't as profitable as people think.
Load More Replies... Izzy Jeanette 3 years ago
NTA in my opinion, and kind for providing for her son's friend. Peter's mum is definitely neglectful, and so I think OP is only TA by not reporting Peter's parents to either the school or other services.
Lisa H 3 years ago
I went hungry at school lunch so many times because we were THAT strapped for cash. I didn't want to ask for lunch money and I didn't want to "waste" the food we had at home. And I never said anything to anyone because I didn't want to get my parents in trouble and I didn't want to burden anyone with my "petty" problems. I feel so bad for Peter. I agree that CPS probably should have gotten involved, but Peter's life would have turned completely upside down as a result. He may have ended up being worse off with no stability in his life whatsoever. Chances are he would have ended up in foster care and who actually wants that? I also feel bad for OP for being put in this situation in the first place. I know what it's like to have to savor every penny and be as thrifty as possible. To some "it's only a few more dollars", but to OP , it was either put gas in the car, or feed their family, or feed this other kid," no way are all of the above possible. This really is a tough situation.
AgedViolet 3 years ago
You're right about foster care. Too often, the abuse and neglect is far worse than what the child endured with their parents (nine-year survivor here). Calling CPS would have been the best thing for OP to do. However, never having dealt with a situation like this, it's easy to be caught off-guard. OP is definitely not an AH. Besides, would any of YOU look any better in the same situation, having done the same thing?
Load More Replies...
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