Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
3.4K
Dad Gives Meat And Dairy To His Daughter’s Friend Despite Her Family Being Vegan, Wonders If His Actions Are Justified
Every household has its own rules and no way is the wrong way. (If we disregard extreme examples, of course). So, when a parent raises their child a certain way, whether it’s due to their culture, ethics, or health, others should respect these decisions. And that includes the kid’s friend and their family who are having the little ones over for a sleepover.
This dad, however, doesn’t see it that way. Reddit user u/believeblackbodies has admitted to feeding his daughter’s 12-year-old buddy meat even though she’s following a strict vegan diet at home. At first glance, you might think why is this such a big deal. After all, the man isn’t deceiving the little girl and she knows what she is stuffing inside her mouth — it’s her choice. And you might have a point.
But she’s twelve and he’s doing so without her parents knowing.
RELATED:
Image credits: Andra (not the actual photo)
Image credits: believeblackbodies
The sleepover, along with its close cousin the slumber party, took off in the ’50s and ’60s and has become an essential part of childhood for boys and girls. There simply comes a time when camping in the living room with mom and dad no longer cuts it.
But Talya Stone, a former editor-in-chief turned parenting blogger and the woman behind Motherhood: The Real Deal and 40 Now What, thinks there is no magic formula that gives the exact age a child is ready for them. “It really depends on the individual child’s emotional maturity and independence levels,” she told Bored Panda. “Every parent knows their child and is the best judge of this.”
And it’s not just her. In an article for The Chicago Tribune, Sleepover Survival Guide, Heidi Stevens quotes an expert who notes that the American Academy of Pediatrics doesn’t offer age guidelines for sleepovers and slumber parties.
“If your child seems confident and not anxious with other people and in different surroundings, and doesn’t need assistance in getting off to sleep at night, and shows a keen interest in having a sleepover then those are all great signs,” Talya Stone said. “For some kids, this can be as young as 5 or 6, for others who might be less secure or more anxious, this might not be until they are 10-12. You are your child’s own best judge so I would recommend parents take their cues and evaluate the readiness signs. Also, it’s important to remember that just because a child says they want to have a sleepover doesn’t mean they are ready or that it will be a success.”
Some people think the man is out of his mind
It takes a lot of guts to trust someone else with the most valuable person in your life. To give another parent control over your kid.
“It is a big leap of faith, but we all have to do it at some stage,” Talya Stone said. “It’s important not to project your worries or anxieties on your child, and remember that kids are for the most part more resilient and capable than you think. That said, when it comes to sleepovers, be sure that you know the host family well enough that you can trust them, and have enough of a rapport to communicate any must-dos and dealbreakers before the sleepover.”
According to the mom, making sure that everyone is on the same page will help you feel a lot more comfortable about handing your child over to someone else.
But some believe he’s acting within reason
What do you think ?
Mary 4 years ago
From the description of the foods prepared and fed to the little girls, I am more wondering if the author and his family are overweight than about whether the “smaller and paler” girl is actually malnourished. Anyway, it’s wrong to secretly teach someone’s kid to disobey their parents. If he seriously believed she is malnourished, he should talk with her parents, teachers, contact the authorities etc. - that’s the right way to resolve such situations. And it’s hard to believe no one else in the school or neighbourhood wouldn’t have noticed. The fact that he described the girls family as “neurotic” also kind of indicates that he might be doing this because he disrespects their lifestyle rather than because of serious concern about the girl’s wellbeing.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
There are absolutely no reasons to assume that the kid is undernourished or malnourished because she looks pale. It's just a case of biased @ssholery. I'm sure if the girl was Muslim she would have been given pork. Deliberately going against how the parents raise their kids shows a lack of respect. I'm sure shyte is going to hit the fan when the vegan parents find out.
classbag 4 years ago (edited)
Aside from everything else, the fact that he's making assumptions about her health and making decisions about her diet because of it really gets me. He's not her freaking doctor and has no business trying to remedy whatever health problems he's conjured out of thin air. I'm not vegan, but his post makes me furious. If he *actually* truly believes the girl is malnourished (which is neglect/abuse), he should report the parents to CPS, not try to take matters into his own hands. But I suspect he hasn't reported them because the daughter is not, in fact, malnourished, and he's just looking for an excuse to pretend to be morally superior to vegans by "helping" their daughter. All that said, I think a talk is in order between the girl and her parents if she wants to stop being vegan. Her parents should respect that.
Load More Replies...
Hiker Chick 4 years ago
Even when my kids were 12, I would have asked the parents first before doing something like that. This isn't about what's good for the kid, it's about this person making an ideological statement. Bad, bad judgement on the meat-eater's part.
Valisbourne Spiritforge 4 years ago
NTA. Or at least, not entirely. I'm kind of going with letting the kid decide her own menu. As someone mentioned above, if a kid at this age decides to go vegan or vegetarian, it's "no big deal". If they decide to go omnivore, it should ALSO be "no big deal". Where the topic breaks down is, the kid should have had a talk with her parents about her diet. Period. It's not his decision, it's hers and her folks. She seems to have made it and just not discussed it with her parents so, unless he's forcing her to eat, I don't see the problem from his side.
Loty 4 years ago
It's not his place to decide what that girls diet should be. If he's concerned he can have a talk with her parents, not secretly feed her meat. How would he like if they in return feed his daughter only candy. Just big bags of candy. I'm sure she'll love it too.
Load More Replies...
lenka 4 years ago
I'm on the fence. I was raised strict vegetarian (no diary, meat etc) but we were allowed home farmed free range chicken eggs and honey (not commercial). We also wernt allowed lollies, breads or anything else with animal protiens or gelatin. At 12 years old I knew that a strictly vegetarian diet was not ideal for me. I didnt get enough protein, I was always hungry and often tired. I used to 'sneak' meat whenever I could. There were kids in our social group who were thin and pale, some becuase they were just supremely fussy and some, like me, who would have benefited from more fat and protein in thier diet. At 12 we are starting to get a better idea of what works for our own bodies and if this child is clearly consenting to and enjoying eating meat then that should be her choice. The judgement could be arseholery or from experience it could be genuine concern. What is sad about the whole story, is that the child does not feel safe enough to express to her parents that she is not vegan
classbag 4 years ago
That's a good point. If she doesn't feel safe telling her parents that she doesn't want to be vegan, then that's an important consideration. The OP is still the AH, though. He should have talked with her and her parents before feeding her meat and dairy. If they said no and denied her wishes, that's a whole different issue, and I'd probably change my opinion somewhat.
Load More Replies...
BoredHuman 4 years ago (edited)
I am so sick of this nonsense. There are entire cultures where people are raised vegetarian from birth and they are perfectly healthy. Being vegan or vegetarian is perfectly healthy. I will never understand why people are so aggressively militant against this. I am an adult and I have had people try to hide meat in my food when they find out I am a vegetarian. Educate yourselves.
Josy Bannon 4 years ago (edited)
I was raised vegetarian too and I feel the same, the people in this story are just unable to respect another way of life.
Load More Replies...
Otter 4 years ago
Lady, you're going to cost your daughter a friendship, because there's no way a kid of that age will be able to keep a secret like that. And when her parents find out, she will never be allowed to associate with your daughter again! Not worth it, for a baseless assumption about her health. Some people are naturally smaller and paler than others, you have no idea whether her home diet is actually doing her any harm.
NsG 4 years ago
I grew up with someone who was essentially being raised vegan, but before it was a thing. Except there were damn good medical reasons why he couldn't have dairy or meat. As in, his digestive system really couldn't process it and it could land him in hospital. So yeah, he looked thinner and paler than the rest of us kids. He was getting all the nutrients he needed from additional supplements. Now, at 12 M should probably have been told about any medical problems by now, but I can totally see a 6 year old just trotting out "I'm not allowed to drink milk" without any further explanation as to *why*. This guy's heart may be in the right place, but his head is clearly absent.
Loty 4 years ago
Total and complete asshole without a shadow of a doubt. I'm not a vegan or even a vegetarian but you can totally have a healthy diet without consuming any meat. And of course she loves the food, McDonalds wouldn't be where it is today if humans didn't crave all the fatty, salty heart attack specials. I hope this guy would be equally ok if somebody gives his daughter double espresso and 7 kittens to raise.
Mary 4 years ago
From the description of the foods prepared and fed to the little girls, I am more wondering if the author and his family are overweight than about whether the “smaller and paler” girl is actually malnourished. Anyway, it’s wrong to secretly teach someone’s kid to disobey their parents. If he seriously believed she is malnourished, he should talk with her parents, teachers, contact the authorities etc. - that’s the right way to resolve such situations. And it’s hard to believe no one else in the school or neighbourhood wouldn’t have noticed. The fact that he described the girls family as “neurotic” also kind of indicates that he might be doing this because he disrespects their lifestyle rather than because of serious concern about the girl’s wellbeing.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
There are absolutely no reasons to assume that the kid is undernourished or malnourished because she looks pale. It's just a case of biased @ssholery. I'm sure if the girl was Muslim she would have been given pork. Deliberately going against how the parents raise their kids shows a lack of respect. I'm sure shyte is going to hit the fan when the vegan parents find out.
classbag 4 years ago (edited)
Aside from everything else, the fact that he's making assumptions about her health and making decisions about her diet because of it really gets me. He's not her freaking doctor and has no business trying to remedy whatever health problems he's conjured out of thin air. I'm not vegan, but his post makes me furious. If he *actually* truly believes the girl is malnourished (which is neglect/abuse), he should report the parents to CPS, not try to take matters into his own hands. But I suspect he hasn't reported them because the daughter is not, in fact, malnourished, and he's just looking for an excuse to pretend to be morally superior to vegans by "helping" their daughter. All that said, I think a talk is in order between the girl and her parents if she wants to stop being vegan. Her parents should respect that.
Load More Replies... Hiker Chick 4 years ago
Even when my kids were 12, I would have asked the parents first before doing something like that. This isn't about what's good for the kid, it's about this person making an ideological statement. Bad, bad judgement on the meat-eater's part.
Valisbourne Spiritforge 4 years ago
NTA. Or at least, not entirely. I'm kind of going with letting the kid decide her own menu. As someone mentioned above, if a kid at this age decides to go vegan or vegetarian, it's "no big deal". If they decide to go omnivore, it should ALSO be "no big deal". Where the topic breaks down is, the kid should have had a talk with her parents about her diet. Period. It's not his decision, it's hers and her folks. She seems to have made it and just not discussed it with her parents so, unless he's forcing her to eat, I don't see the problem from his side.
Loty 4 years ago
It's not his place to decide what that girls diet should be. If he's concerned he can have a talk with her parents, not secretly feed her meat. How would he like if they in return feed his daughter only candy. Just big bags of candy. I'm sure she'll love it too.
Load More Replies... lenka 4 years ago
I'm on the fence. I was raised strict vegetarian (no diary, meat etc) but we were allowed home farmed free range chicken eggs and honey (not commercial). We also wernt allowed lollies, breads or anything else with animal protiens or gelatin. At 12 years old I knew that a strictly vegetarian diet was not ideal for me. I didnt get enough protein, I was always hungry and often tired. I used to 'sneak' meat whenever I could. There were kids in our social group who were thin and pale, some becuase they were just supremely fussy and some, like me, who would have benefited from more fat and protein in thier diet. At 12 we are starting to get a better idea of what works for our own bodies and if this child is clearly consenting to and enjoying eating meat then that should be her choice. The judgement could be arseholery or from experience it could be genuine concern. What is sad about the whole story, is that the child does not feel safe enough to express to her parents that she is not vegan
classbag 4 years ago
That's a good point. If she doesn't feel safe telling her parents that she doesn't want to be vegan, then that's an important consideration. The OP is still the AH, though. He should have talked with her and her parents before feeding her meat and dairy. If they said no and denied her wishes, that's a whole different issue, and I'd probably change my opinion somewhat.
Load More Replies... BoredHuman 4 years ago (edited)
I am so sick of this nonsense. There are entire cultures where people are raised vegetarian from birth and they are perfectly healthy. Being vegan or vegetarian is perfectly healthy. I will never understand why people are so aggressively militant against this. I am an adult and I have had people try to hide meat in my food when they find out I am a vegetarian. Educate yourselves.
Josy Bannon 4 years ago (edited)
I was raised vegetarian too and I feel the same, the people in this story are just unable to respect another way of life.
Load More Replies... Otter 4 years ago
Lady, you're going to cost your daughter a friendship, because there's no way a kid of that age will be able to keep a secret like that. And when her parents find out, she will never be allowed to associate with your daughter again! Not worth it, for a baseless assumption about her health. Some people are naturally smaller and paler than others, you have no idea whether her home diet is actually doing her any harm.
NsG 4 years ago
I grew up with someone who was essentially being raised vegan, but before it was a thing. Except there were damn good medical reasons why he couldn't have dairy or meat. As in, his digestive system really couldn't process it and it could land him in hospital. So yeah, he looked thinner and paler than the rest of us kids. He was getting all the nutrients he needed from additional supplements. Now, at 12 M should probably have been told about any medical problems by now, but I can totally see a 6 year old just trotting out "I'm not allowed to drink milk" without any further explanation as to *why*. This guy's heart may be in the right place, but his head is clearly absent.
Loty 4 years ago
Total and complete asshole without a shadow of a doubt. I'm not a vegan or even a vegetarian but you can totally have a healthy diet without consuming any meat. And of course she loves the food, McDonalds wouldn't be where it is today if humans didn't crave all the fatty, salty heart attack specials. I hope this guy would be equally ok if somebody gives his daughter double espresso and 7 kittens to raise.
Related on Bored Panda
76
187