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Drama Unfolds As Daughter Refuses To Buzz Her Hair To Make Wig For Sis With Cancer, Mom Enraged
Sometimes there’s no clear answer on how to act in complex situations, as two things can be true simultaneously. Encountering such circumstances is also not uncommon in family dynamics, as it’s bound to happen throughout life.
Today’s story covers the heart-wrenching and difficult topic of cancer. A teen approached Reddit unsure how to feel after she rejected her diagnosed sister’s request to cut her hair and donate it to her.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
Saying ‘no’ to your family member when they’re in dire need is difficult, but some boundaries can’t be crossed
Image credits: DC Studio (not the actual photo)
A 17YO girl approached Reddit to ask whether she was a jerk for refusing to donate her hair
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)
Her little sister was diagnosed with cancer and had to shave her head, so she asked the 17YO if she could make a wig out of her sister’s hair
Image credits: Maria Lupan (not the actual photo)
The 17YO refused, saying that in their family tradition hair is cut only when a family member dies, not to mention she had grown the hair her whole life
Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics (not the actual photo)
The 14YO was upset and told the sister that she didn’t care about her, but all that changed as the 17YO updated the story with a new post
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
The sisters had a conversation and the 17YO explained her point of view, and the 14YO told that the wig was mom’s idea
Image credits: IamGojoTrust
The mom was always obsessed with her daughter’s looks and just couldn’t see her looking sick, so she thought a wig would help
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
The 14YO added that the mother was pushy, and even when the girl started chemotherapy, she was still concerned about how she looked
A week ago, a 17-year-old approached Reddit’s r/AITA community to see if she was being a jerk to her 14YO sister bed-ridden sister. She was recently diagnosed with cancer and had to cut her hair due to chemotherapy.
It goes without saying that the girl is already under a lot of stress over her health, but cutting her hair only worsened it. She asked the OP (Original Poster) if she could shave her hair and donate it afterward.
The 17YO cares for her sister and visits her almost daily along with her mom. She misses school and other responsibilities to keep her sister company and not leave her alone. The mother expects her to drop anything she’s doing at the moment to help her sister. Their mother pressured the 17YO to donate her hair as well, but she refused.
OP loves her mom and sister, but she has grown her hair out her whole life. Additionally, in their family tradition, the hair is only cut when someone from the family dies. The mother and sister pushed back on this, saying that it doesn’t matter now, since the 14YO has a very serious diagnosis.
This resulted in an argument between them. The 17YO explained her reasons, but her sister was very upset, to the point where she begged her to cut her hair. After the OP still refused, the 14YO said that she doesn’t care about her struggles, and isn’t understanding. The 17YO was hurt by her sister’s words and started wondering if she was a jerk.
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Later, the 17YO updated her story with a new post. She had a conversation with her sister about her point of view and why she wouldn’t cut her hair. The sister’s need for a wig was purely pushed by the mom, as she was always pushy about the 14-year-old’s appearance. When the 14YO began chemotherapy, she still insisted that her daughter shouldn’t look “ugly”.
The 14YO is already going through a very traumatic and overwhelming experience, and her mother’s concern for good looks certainly doesn’t help. According to an article covered in Psychology Today, hair loss due to chemotherapy can cause a great deal of distress to patients. To some, it may even be traumatizing.
Not only is hair loss a clear reminder for the patients of their health, but also a signal to the outside world about their condition. However, as chemotherapy is being worked upon and improved, not all types of it cause hair loss. Some forms of chemotherapy do not cause any hair loss at all, due to it being more effective in targeting the cancer cells, and not the healthy ones.
The vast majority of side effects end after chemotherapy is stopped, and the hair typically grows back.
What do you think about today’s story? Do you think the 17YO was the jerk or not? Let us know in the comments below.
Netizens support the 17YO, saying that it’s her choice to decide
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)
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What do you think ?
TribbleThinking 11 months ago
Why didn't they cut your sister's hair before chemo? Stop missing school to sit in a waiting room. It won't save your sister's life and that's just your mum's deranged control freakery. You and your future matter too. They want your hair and only your hair because you haven't said no to anything else, and need to break you on this, otherwise you might develop the nasty habit of thinking of yourself and doing unreasonable things like *gasp* going to school. My commiserations on the inevitable histrionics from them. Is there some kind of hospital priest or wellbeing officer who you can talk to and have a firm word about the child being neglected, harassed and forced to miss school?
- 11 months ago (edited)
Update here: the hair situation actually has more to do with the mother than the sister. The two sisters talked and are now a united front against the mother: https://www.reddit.com/user/IamGojoTrust/comments/1eg6ct6/update_am_i_the_a*****e_for_not_helping_my_sister/
Tomas Milušauskas 11 months ago
Hi! I appreciate the heads-up. We've updated the article.
Load More Replies...
A S Mora 11 months ago
God, this just makes me remember that poor girl whose adopted family bullies her into chopping her locks for a cancer-stricken aunt who was just going to go right back to smoking when her treatment was completed. Isn't there something in that book bigots are always waving around at school board meetings about not making scapegoats?
Ashlie Benson 11 months ago
No; the only things that exist in that book do so to support their stance. Anything else is fake news. Even if you quote chapter and verse; if it doesn't fit their narrative, it's non-existent.
Load More Replies...
tw 72 11 months ago
Serious question: How much does it cost to have a custom wig made from someone's hair VS just buying a wig? I know nothing, but MAKING a custom wig sounds expensive.
Deanna Crichley 11 months ago
So, you give up your hair, so she can have hair. How does THAT work?
Ephemera Image 11 months ago
I had cancer when in my forties - I would never ever, expect someone to shave their head for me, either in solidarity or to donate hair. In fact I would feel terrible FOR them! And it takes tens of donations to make a single full-head wig - even long hair is all different lengths and thicknesses, only the thicker hairs are used. The rest is discarded. So only maybe a quarter, at most, of your hairs will actually go into the wig. What purpose would that serve, to either of you?
CanadianDimes 11 months ago
Well… I wasn’t entirely sure he wasn’t a 14 year old girl and cancer patient 😆 Bit tricky to distinguish
Load More Replies...
Yu Pan 11 months ago
I feel this is more the Mom's doing...I get she's grieving and coping, but she's overcompensating it. In her attempt to demonstrate her solidarity and love and support for the younger daughter, she forces the older daughter to join because she's afraid the younger daughter would be self conscious and this hurt her feelings. As if forcing the older daughter (and maybe herself) to suffer along will alleviate the pain the younger daughter is experiencing. Or maybe Mom thinks she doesn't deserve any joy or good things because she feels guilty for her daughter's illness. That's all valid emotions, but don't put it on the older daughter. Don't project your guilt, sadness or pain onto your older daughter. Seek help.
Claire Elise 11 months ago
When my mother's hair fell out due to radiation, I discovered that you can't "shave your head and make a wig" it takes over 10 donations of hair to have enough to make a hairpiece of any length.
Roan The Demon Kitty 11 months ago
I don't know about how it would work in the US, and whether these kinds of charities exist there , but before I even started chemo, before my hair even fell out, I was given an appointment to be fitted for and choose a wig, and went home with my wig that same day, completely for free. It's synthetic, but it looks incredibly real. (the charity iirc is called Browns, and they work with the NHS)
Sinnsyk Jakte 11 months ago
This took an interesting turn in the update. If there's a silver lining here, the siblings seem to have gotten closer as a result of communicating. It's honestly horrifying to consider the positions the mother put them into--especially since it seems her intentions were selfish and possibly vengeful in some way. In any case... I see that the kids are supporting each other in the best ways they can. I hope for the best for the both of them.
notlikeyou1971 11 months ago
Mom needs to get over herself and her vanity. I'm glad according to the update that your sister and yourself are united against your mother and her insane demand . Forcing you to give up your hair to please your mother after putting the idea into your already stressed and struggling sister's head about her appearance is cruel and ridiculous. You have 1 unhappy child as it is why cause 2 children misery? Mom needs to quit projecting onto you. If she's so worried about hair, look into cutting her own hair or a program for extra wigs. I know you got 1 already according to the update. Tell Mom to go to a cancer support group because she's making everyone else miserable and driving others crazy with her attitude
Janet L 9 months ago
I feel awful for these kids, having a mother who is making them both so miserable while apparently doing very little herself. She’s the adult, she’s responsible for the kids, she should step up, get a backbone, and support them both instead of venting her feelings like a child.
Scott Rackley 11 months ago
You could take her by a black hair salon, because if there's one group of people that rock on wigs, it's black ladies. They'd have her looking tight in no time.
Steve Hall 11 months ago
There are wigs for sale all over the place and buying a wig is far cheaper than having one made.
StumblingThroughLife 11 months ago (edited)
I still recall that other poor young (adopted) girl that was bullied into having her pride and joy shaved off for an aunt with lung cancer who smoked, and was prepared to continue to smoke. Broke my heart for her when I heard they did it. People should NOT be pressured into this kind of thing - and especially minors. You can get real wigs out there, but there are also synthetic wigs that look great, too. Guilt-tripping is a horrendous manipulation, imo.
Brian Droste 11 months ago
I don't think ypu need to shave all of your hair off to make a wig for your sister. I would get with a organization that does this for people with cancer and find out how much hair they need to make a wig for your sister. Then reconsider to cutbyour hair to that length. That way you both win. Your sister gets a wig and you still have some hair left yourself. I know you said you already bought a wig for your sister. This is just another option.
TribbleThinking 11 months ago
Why didn't they cut your sister's hair before chemo? Stop missing school to sit in a waiting room. It won't save your sister's life and that's just your mum's deranged control freakery. You and your future matter too. They want your hair and only your hair because you haven't said no to anything else, and need to break you on this, otherwise you might develop the nasty habit of thinking of yourself and doing unreasonable things like *gasp* going to school. My commiserations on the inevitable histrionics from them. Is there some kind of hospital priest or wellbeing officer who you can talk to and have a firm word about the child being neglected, harassed and forced to miss school?
- 11 months ago (edited)
Update here: the hair situation actually has more to do with the mother than the sister. The two sisters talked and are now a united front against the mother: https://www.reddit.com/user/IamGojoTrust/comments/1eg6ct6/update_am_i_the_a*****e_for_not_helping_my_sister/
Tomas Milušauskas 11 months ago
Hi! I appreciate the heads-up. We've updated the article.
Load More Replies... A S Mora 11 months ago
God, this just makes me remember that poor girl whose adopted family bullies her into chopping her locks for a cancer-stricken aunt who was just going to go right back to smoking when her treatment was completed. Isn't there something in that book bigots are always waving around at school board meetings about not making scapegoats?
Ashlie Benson 11 months ago
No; the only things that exist in that book do so to support their stance. Anything else is fake news. Even if you quote chapter and verse; if it doesn't fit their narrative, it's non-existent.
Load More Replies... tw 72 11 months ago
Serious question: How much does it cost to have a custom wig made from someone's hair VS just buying a wig? I know nothing, but MAKING a custom wig sounds expensive.
Deanna Crichley 11 months ago
So, you give up your hair, so she can have hair. How does THAT work?
Ephemera Image 11 months ago
I had cancer when in my forties - I would never ever, expect someone to shave their head for me, either in solidarity or to donate hair. In fact I would feel terrible FOR them! And it takes tens of donations to make a single full-head wig - even long hair is all different lengths and thicknesses, only the thicker hairs are used. The rest is discarded. So only maybe a quarter, at most, of your hairs will actually go into the wig. What purpose would that serve, to either of you?
CanadianDimes 11 months ago
Well… I wasn’t entirely sure he wasn’t a 14 year old girl and cancer patient 😆 Bit tricky to distinguish
Load More Replies... Yu Pan 11 months ago
I feel this is more the Mom's doing...I get she's grieving and coping, but she's overcompensating it. In her attempt to demonstrate her solidarity and love and support for the younger daughter, she forces the older daughter to join because she's afraid the younger daughter would be self conscious and this hurt her feelings. As if forcing the older daughter (and maybe herself) to suffer along will alleviate the pain the younger daughter is experiencing. Or maybe Mom thinks she doesn't deserve any joy or good things because she feels guilty for her daughter's illness. That's all valid emotions, but don't put it on the older daughter. Don't project your guilt, sadness or pain onto your older daughter. Seek help.
Claire Elise 11 months ago
When my mother's hair fell out due to radiation, I discovered that you can't "shave your head and make a wig" it takes over 10 donations of hair to have enough to make a hairpiece of any length.
Roan The Demon Kitty 11 months ago
I don't know about how it would work in the US, and whether these kinds of charities exist there , but before I even started chemo, before my hair even fell out, I was given an appointment to be fitted for and choose a wig, and went home with my wig that same day, completely for free. It's synthetic, but it looks incredibly real. (the charity iirc is called Browns, and they work with the NHS)
Sinnsyk Jakte 11 months ago
This took an interesting turn in the update. If there's a silver lining here, the siblings seem to have gotten closer as a result of communicating. It's honestly horrifying to consider the positions the mother put them into--especially since it seems her intentions were selfish and possibly vengeful in some way. In any case... I see that the kids are supporting each other in the best ways they can. I hope for the best for the both of them.
notlikeyou1971 11 months ago
Mom needs to get over herself and her vanity. I'm glad according to the update that your sister and yourself are united against your mother and her insane demand . Forcing you to give up your hair to please your mother after putting the idea into your already stressed and struggling sister's head about her appearance is cruel and ridiculous. You have 1 unhappy child as it is why cause 2 children misery? Mom needs to quit projecting onto you. If she's so worried about hair, look into cutting her own hair or a program for extra wigs. I know you got 1 already according to the update. Tell Mom to go to a cancer support group because she's making everyone else miserable and driving others crazy with her attitude
Janet L 9 months ago
I feel awful for these kids, having a mother who is making them both so miserable while apparently doing very little herself. She’s the adult, she’s responsible for the kids, she should step up, get a backbone, and support them both instead of venting her feelings like a child.
Scott Rackley 11 months ago
You could take her by a black hair salon, because if there's one group of people that rock on wigs, it's black ladies. They'd have her looking tight in no time.
Steve Hall 11 months ago
There are wigs for sale all over the place and buying a wig is far cheaper than having one made.
StumblingThroughLife 11 months ago (edited)
I still recall that other poor young (adopted) girl that was bullied into having her pride and joy shaved off for an aunt with lung cancer who smoked, and was prepared to continue to smoke. Broke my heart for her when I heard they did it. People should NOT be pressured into this kind of thing - and especially minors. You can get real wigs out there, but there are also synthetic wigs that look great, too. Guilt-tripping is a horrendous manipulation, imo.
Brian Droste 11 months ago
I don't think ypu need to shave all of your hair off to make a wig for your sister. I would get with a organization that does this for people with cancer and find out how much hair they need to make a wig for your sister. Then reconsider to cutbyour hair to that length. That way you both win. Your sister gets a wig and you still have some hair left yourself. I know you said you already bought a wig for your sister. This is just another option.
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