Girlfriend Asks To Have Her Boyfriend’s Seat On The Bus, He Refuses And Doesn’t Think Her Being In Heels Matters
Under normal circumstances, when two people enter a bus together and they see that only one seat is available, they just both stand. They might both stand even if they are both tired or they might switch halfway through their ride just to be fair and respectful.
But not this man, who sat down, leaving his girlfriend standing in heels, and refused to let her sit at all even after she asked because her feet were tired. The woman brought it up again when they were home, so the man wanted redditors to weigh in.
More info: Reddit
When you’re standing in a bus in heels and someone gives their seat to you, they’re a saint, but this man thought he deserved to sit more than his girlfriend
Image credits: Juan Vargas (not the actual photo)
They had been walking for about an hour and the man was pretty out of breath, so he took the only seat on the bus, leaving his girlfriend standing
Image credits: Daniel Lobo (not the actual photo)
Image credits: кофе (not the actual photo)
Image credits: aitabus
He didn’t think that her wearing stilettos changed anything as he was tired, but was called inconsiderate
The couple was attending a special event and were dressed up for it, but after it, they decided to do a few errands and because they don’t have a car, they had to walk. Walking in stilettos on cobblestones wasn’t very comfortable for the girlfriend but she went with her boyfriend voluntarily.
When it came time to go back home on a bus, there was only one seat available and the boyfriend took it because he is overweight and not fit because of some issues he was dealing with, so he was a bit out of breath as the city where they were walking was hilly.
The girlfriend asked if she could take the seat because her feet were tired, but the boyfriend assumed that she must be used to it because she always wears heels and is a model, so she knows how to walk in them and wasn’t as tired as him because she exercises regularly, while he was sitting there breathless.
The conversation ended here, but the woman brought it up again privately at home, explaining that the shoes she was wearing were not as comfortable as the ones she wears every day.
In the responses to the comments we learn that the couple talked about the situation further and the boyfriend apologized and the girlfriend didn’t push the matter further, saying that it was her choice to wear stilettos and then join him for his errands.
She also admitted that she wasn’t tired in general, her shoes didn’t give her blisters and that she was fine standing, she just had tired ankles. Although the woman would have appreciated it if the boyfriend gave her the seat halfway or after he caught his breath.
Image credits: Nenad Stojkovic (not the actual photo)
The boyfriend decided that he was more tired than his girlfriend because he thought that she is used to wearing heels all the time and she wasn’t out of breath like he was because she goes to the gym.
At the same time, readers decided that the girlfriend deserved the seat more because stilettos are painful to walk in and while you can catch your breath standing, the pressure from the feet doesn’t come off while standing. But the woman claimed her feet were fine, but ankles were tired.
Comparing pain and emotions and trying to figure out which person has it worse is natural, but psychologists don’t always recommend doing that.
Although sometimes they can be helpful as “They can serve as a way to gauge our progress or determine what might be appropriate in a certain situation.” In other cases, “comparisons can stifle growth, prevent self-compassion, and even make it more difficult to empathize with other people.”
While a lot of the time, comparing your feelings to others leads to people minimizing your own, thinking that you don’t have it that bad because there are surely people who are less fortunate than you, not all people are so compassionate and will invalidate others’ emotions.
Psych Central says that the reason behind it is that those people are “unable to process that person’s emotions. They might be preoccupied with their own problems or not know how to respond in the moment.”
It could be that this was exactly what happened to the author of the story as he was so preoccupied with being out of breath and walking up and down hills, he didn’t think that his fit girlfriend could experience tiredness as well.
So what would be a fair solution to a situation like this when you don’t want to invalidate someone’s experience? As the girlfriend suggested and many people in the comments, they could have switched places after a while.
Do you disagree? Do you think either of them were more deserving of the seat on the bus? Do you think this one small episode should raise questions about the whole relationship? Let us know in the comments.
Redditors called him more than inconsiderate and actually a jerk as he could have caught his breath standing
I love the way he uses 'since I got there first" as if it justifies this. Sounds more like a 10-y-o racing his siblings than a grown man with a GF.
Yeah - that struck me too. My husband wouldn't have even gotten on the bus before me, especially if I was in stilettos. He would have stood behind me going up the bus steps to make sure he could catch me if I fell. There is no way he would make me stand in stilettos on a moving bus.
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He could have had her sit on his lap....what kind of relationship is this? They live together but can't care enough to share a SEAT?
Or just swapped so she sat for half the journey.
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Fine, you can sit, but you have to trade shoes and walk home from the bus stop like that.
Speaking as a man, YTA. How are you in a relationship? It boggles my bloody mind. By the by, I am also on the "not in good shape" group, and I don't make my wife stand while I sit. Yer damn stupid.
Men lately often complain about being single and how women are okay with being single. Headlines like this is why. They’ve set the bar so low we’re perfectly fine being alone. Apparently chilvary is indeed dead.
I explained this to a "man" today and his reply was "I wouldn't even touch such an ugly and disgustigly fat, selfish b***h" Like common dude, you think that hurt me? You just proved my point.
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First off, he could have shared the seat with her, she could sit on his lap or they could take turns with sitting. He didn’t even need to stand up for her. Not willing to do anything just shows how selfish he is. If you truly like/love someone, you‘ll automatically offer your seat to the other person. Fit or not, who cares.
Even if he was THAT tired, sitting for a couple of mins would be enough to get his breath back. He didn’t need to sit for the entire journey.
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What is he talking about? I'm a total couch potato, and I also have asthma, but I love long walking trips and sometimes I visit new cities and basically spend the whole day walking around. It's not a big deal. Unless you are on heels, of course.
YTA I see a new boyfriend that opens the car door for her in the future.
I'm so happy that I married a gal that would leave the seat to a complete stranger if not both of us could sit down. And yes, once I also walked that figurative 'mile in her shoes' since it was a cold winter night and her feet were aching. Many many things aren't that uncomfortable if you do them for someone you love.
Did the girlfriend write this saying she was the boyfriend or is the boyfriend that horrible yet unaware? Stilettos are not something you wear walking around on cobble stones and all around town in. After a few hours, you have blisters and your feet are burning like crazy, even when you wear high heels on a regular. I wear heels a lot but I also am sitting for the majority of that time or walking on even ground. As someone who wears heels everyday, I would have been in a lot of pain by the end of that night which is far different from being tired.
Standing on a moving bus whilst wearing stilettos can be quite dangerous as it's very easy to over balance. They could have taken it in turns to sit so neither had to stand the whole journey, but he got there first and was soooo tired so obviously he should not have to inconvenience himself (sarc). He comes across as both childish and selfish, I wouldn't want to be with anyone, male or female, who could show such disregard for my wellbeing. I hope he treats his next girlfriend better.
This is the most ridiculous AITA yet. Just let her sit on your lap. LOL I did that with my previous bf, sat on his lap on the bus. This prudish lady sitting next to him just huffed and got up saying "Here, if you want to sit. Disgusting." We weren't doing anything else, I just sat on his leg. XD Anyways, I get stilettoes are killer on the feet but it was her choice to wear them. They're not essential footwear but they seem to be a constant hinderance and limitation for the one's wearing them. There are stylish, fancy flatter shoes to wear. During their time out running errands wasn't there an opportunity for her to buy even a cheap pair of flip flops?
Apart from what others said...how come he doesnt see the difference between regular high heels and stilettoes? He doesnt need to know how they are called but if he loved her he would notice there is a difference in her shoes, in the way how she walked on cobblestones. Did he not help her while balancing on cobblestones? Did he not notice she walked more carefully and slower? He is such a narcissistic a*s only caring about himself
'my gf told me she was tired but she doesn't know what she's talking about. I will be the judge of whether or not she's tired' Notice no response from OP on any of the comments.
I love how you all want equal rights until things get hard. Did he force her to wear those shoes? Don't get me wrong, is a big mistake as that relationship is not going to last long.
Did she force him to be unfit? Equal rights is sharing the seat between equally discomforted people. He should have caught his breath whilst seated and then given her an opportunity to rest her feet whilst seated.
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Mixed emotions here. Her choice of footwear is and never should be anyone else's problem to remedy. If she were anyone other than your GF (family included), I would tell them to FK off. Their choice and consequence, but since she is your GF, you should have manned up and given up your seat. If she is smart, you are her bullet dodged.
You are SOOOOO TA…its not even a debate. Here's the rule, so you know in case you ever get lucky enough to have a girlfriend ever again…the rules of chivalry. When a woman dresses up in heels and a skirt on a date with you, she is putting herself in a vulnerable and compromised situation in exchange for beauty……for herself, and for YOU. You have to respect that she trusts you to take more care with her than if you were both wearing tennis shoes. I am constantly telling my husband, "the lady sets the pace" when I'm in heels, after 32 years, I believe it has finally sunk in. He needs to walk at MY pace, since I'm compromised. You cannot rush up ahead of her, walk ahead of her, beat her to a seat…EVER EVER EVER. She goes first. You defer. You treat her like the queen. If you don't like that dynamic, there are women out there who dress up way less and also ones who may expect less from you in this department, but obviously this woman expects more from you. Learn now or lose her.
Yes,100% TA! Sounds like a sooky man/baby."I got there first"(never hear of "Ladies First"I guess) ,"I was ACTUALLY tired"....Dear gods.I certainly hope that this girl dumps his sorry behind asap and finds a partner who actually considers her needs.OP can move back in with his Mum.
1. Are women equal to men? If so, then get used to this. 2. Nobody made her wear such footwear. The choice was hers. Seriously people, equality is a door that swings both ways. Personally, ALL things being equal, I would have let her have that seat, as a gentleman should. Old fashioned values.
This isn't one of those equality cases, tho. IF it was between strangers, then it would have been. She asked her boyfriend and he said no. He said no because she chose to wear heels. Yet, his excuse was being more unfit than her, a choice of his own. If they were to make any serious life plans together, he is not going to be thinking of her.
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If this were the other way around, she would be nta. If women want equality then take it.
If he had been in stilettos you mean? Then yes I think she would have let him sit. She would know what it’s like and/or hopefully have a bit more empathy
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Wow. Hard to imagine what to even respond to this. Definitely the a-hole, gf can definitely do better. So un-gentlemanly.
Nta - we don't know how fit he is or if he has a chronic condition.
He said he’s not very fit, pretty telling I think, and if he had a chronic condition, why didn’t he say that?
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A guy is apparently dating a woman without a car, here in the year of 2023 when women can have jobs. Where's your outrage there?
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I love the way he uses 'since I got there first" as if it justifies this. Sounds more like a 10-y-o racing his siblings than a grown man with a GF.
Yeah - that struck me too. My husband wouldn't have even gotten on the bus before me, especially if I was in stilettos. He would have stood behind me going up the bus steps to make sure he could catch me if I fell. There is no way he would make me stand in stilettos on a moving bus.
Load More Replies... He could have had her sit on his lap....what kind of relationship is this? They live together but can't care enough to share a SEAT?
Or just swapped so she sat for half the journey.
Load More Replies... Fine, you can sit, but you have to trade shoes and walk home from the bus stop like that.
Speaking as a man, YTA. How are you in a relationship? It boggles my bloody mind. By the by, I am also on the "not in good shape" group, and I don't make my wife stand while I sit. Yer damn stupid.
Men lately often complain about being single and how women are okay with being single. Headlines like this is why. They’ve set the bar so low we’re perfectly fine being alone. Apparently chilvary is indeed dead.
I explained this to a "man" today and his reply was "I wouldn't even touch such an ugly and disgustigly fat, selfish b***h" Like common dude, you think that hurt me? You just proved my point.
Load More Replies... First off, he could have shared the seat with her, she could sit on his lap or they could take turns with sitting. He didn’t even need to stand up for her. Not willing to do anything just shows how selfish he is. If you truly like/love someone, you‘ll automatically offer your seat to the other person. Fit or not, who cares.
Even if he was THAT tired, sitting for a couple of mins would be enough to get his breath back. He didn’t need to sit for the entire journey.
Load More Replies... What is he talking about? I'm a total couch potato, and I also have asthma, but I love long walking trips and sometimes I visit new cities and basically spend the whole day walking around. It's not a big deal. Unless you are on heels, of course.
YTA I see a new boyfriend that opens the car door for her in the future.
I'm so happy that I married a gal that would leave the seat to a complete stranger if not both of us could sit down. And yes, once I also walked that figurative 'mile in her shoes' since it was a cold winter night and her feet were aching. Many many things aren't that uncomfortable if you do them for someone you love.
Did the girlfriend write this saying she was the boyfriend or is the boyfriend that horrible yet unaware? Stilettos are not something you wear walking around on cobble stones and all around town in. After a few hours, you have blisters and your feet are burning like crazy, even when you wear high heels on a regular. I wear heels a lot but I also am sitting for the majority of that time or walking on even ground. As someone who wears heels everyday, I would have been in a lot of pain by the end of that night which is far different from being tired.
Standing on a moving bus whilst wearing stilettos can be quite dangerous as it's very easy to over balance. They could have taken it in turns to sit so neither had to stand the whole journey, but he got there first and was soooo tired so obviously he should not have to inconvenience himself (sarc). He comes across as both childish and selfish, I wouldn't want to be with anyone, male or female, who could show such disregard for my wellbeing. I hope he treats his next girlfriend better.
This is the most ridiculous AITA yet. Just let her sit on your lap. LOL I did that with my previous bf, sat on his lap on the bus. This prudish lady sitting next to him just huffed and got up saying "Here, if you want to sit. Disgusting." We weren't doing anything else, I just sat on his leg. XD Anyways, I get stilettoes are killer on the feet but it was her choice to wear them. They're not essential footwear but they seem to be a constant hinderance and limitation for the one's wearing them. There are stylish, fancy flatter shoes to wear. During their time out running errands wasn't there an opportunity for her to buy even a cheap pair of flip flops?
Apart from what others said...how come he doesnt see the difference between regular high heels and stilettoes? He doesnt need to know how they are called but if he loved her he would notice there is a difference in her shoes, in the way how she walked on cobblestones. Did he not help her while balancing on cobblestones? Did he not notice she walked more carefully and slower? He is such a narcissistic a*s only caring about himself
'my gf told me she was tired but she doesn't know what she's talking about. I will be the judge of whether or not she's tired' Notice no response from OP on any of the comments.
I love how you all want equal rights until things get hard. Did he force her to wear those shoes? Don't get me wrong, is a big mistake as that relationship is not going to last long.
Did she force him to be unfit? Equal rights is sharing the seat between equally discomforted people. He should have caught his breath whilst seated and then given her an opportunity to rest her feet whilst seated.
Load More Replies... Mixed emotions here. Her choice of footwear is and never should be anyone else's problem to remedy. If she were anyone other than your GF (family included), I would tell them to FK off. Their choice and consequence, but since she is your GF, you should have manned up and given up your seat. If she is smart, you are her bullet dodged.
You are SOOOOO TA…its not even a debate. Here's the rule, so you know in case you ever get lucky enough to have a girlfriend ever again…the rules of chivalry. When a woman dresses up in heels and a skirt on a date with you, she is putting herself in a vulnerable and compromised situation in exchange for beauty……for herself, and for YOU. You have to respect that she trusts you to take more care with her than if you were both wearing tennis shoes. I am constantly telling my husband, "the lady sets the pace" when I'm in heels, after 32 years, I believe it has finally sunk in. He needs to walk at MY pace, since I'm compromised. You cannot rush up ahead of her, walk ahead of her, beat her to a seat…EVER EVER EVER. She goes first. You defer. You treat her like the queen. If you don't like that dynamic, there are women out there who dress up way less and also ones who may expect less from you in this department, but obviously this woman expects more from you. Learn now or lose her.
Yes,100% TA! Sounds like a sooky man/baby."I got there first"(never hear of "Ladies First"I guess) ,"I was ACTUALLY tired"....Dear gods.I certainly hope that this girl dumps his sorry behind asap and finds a partner who actually considers her needs.OP can move back in with his Mum.
1. Are women equal to men? If so, then get used to this. 2. Nobody made her wear such footwear. The choice was hers. Seriously people, equality is a door that swings both ways. Personally, ALL things being equal, I would have let her have that seat, as a gentleman should. Old fashioned values.
This isn't one of those equality cases, tho. IF it was between strangers, then it would have been. She asked her boyfriend and he said no. He said no because she chose to wear heels. Yet, his excuse was being more unfit than her, a choice of his own. If they were to make any serious life plans together, he is not going to be thinking of her.
Load More Replies... If this were the other way around, she would be nta. If women want equality then take it.
If he had been in stilettos you mean? Then yes I think she would have let him sit. She would know what it’s like and/or hopefully have a bit more empathy
Load More Replies... Wow. Hard to imagine what to even respond to this. Definitely the a-hole, gf can definitely do better. So un-gentlemanly.
Nta - we don't know how fit he is or if he has a chronic condition.
He said he’s not very fit, pretty telling I think, and if he had a chronic condition, why didn’t he say that?
Load More Replies... A guy is apparently dating a woman without a car, here in the year of 2023 when women can have jobs. Where's your outrage there?
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