Woman’s Husband Can’t Remember His Wife After Being In A Wreck, Her Half-Sister Still Refuses To Choose Another Song For Her Wedding Other Than Theirs
There are certain things that we attach our memories and emotions to, but seemingly the strongest ones aren’t material things. They say that smells are the strongest memory triggers, but music also has a similar effect.
That’s why people online couldn’t understand how this woman could be so insensitive towards her step-sister by choosing the same wedding song as she had despite her ex-husband getting in a car crash that erased his memories of her.
More info: Reddit
Music can make us time travel and relive certain moments and this woman wants to force her half-sister to relive her wedding day
Image credits: Craig Adderley (not the actual image)
Because she chose the same first dance song to which her half-sister danced at her own wedding
Image credits: Erik Mclean (not the actual image)
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/throwawayaccount_978
Although now the song is bittersweet because of the accident her husband was in a few months after their wedding that resulted in him losing his memory
The song the Original Poster (OP) chose as the first dance song for her wedding is Come What May from the movie Moulin Rouge. There is no particular reason behind the choice as the OP just simply likes it so much and doesn’t want to change it.
But she knows how special the song is to her half-sister. The story is that the half-sister and her now ex-husband first met at that movie and when they went on their first date, it was playing in the restaurant.
Maybe the song wouldn’t be such a big deal if the man hadn’t gotten in a bad wreck that damaged his brain to the point where he doesn’t even remember his wife. What adds to it is that according to the half-sister, when she sang the song to him, it seemed to spark something in his memory.
At first people thought that the OP can play any song she wants at her wedding, but at the same time, they suspected that there is more to the story and the woman is not telling everything. They were right, because when they found out about the tragedy, they called the OP the biggest jerk and were shocked by how insensitive she is to her half-sister.
They also added that the half-sister probably still loves her husband and the reason for divorce was because a single person could be eligible for insurance and because the man lives in a specialized nursing home, it must cost a lot.
Image credits: Анна Хазова (not the actual image)
You might have heard that smells evoke emotionally charged memories the easiest, but music does that just as easily. You don’t need to be a brain scientist to know how strongly we attach our emotions to music and how strongly those emotions can come back to us when we hear a particular piece of music.
But those who have studied the phenomenon explain that emotions or events get attached to songs through implicit memory. Shahram Heshmat, Ph.D. defines implicit memories as unconscious and automatic memories: “For example, playing a musical instrument, or recalling the words to a song when someone sings the first few words. A large part of memory takes place in the unconscious mind.” And it can last a lifetime.
That is why when an emotional event is paired with a song or a piece of music, hearing that music automatically comes with the emotions felt at the time. So for OP’s half-sister, it could be quite traumatic to relive her wedding day remembering how happy she was then, but has to face a different reality now.
Another very interesting thing is that there are reported cases of music provoking memories to people who have diseases related to memory loss. Practical Neurology says that “Musical perception, musical emotion, and musical memory can survive long after other forms of memory and cognitive function have disappeared.”
Not only do dementia patients remember songs and musical pieces, but “Music can elicit emotions and memories and help provide a link to a person’s past and promote interconnection with caregivers and others with dementia.”
So if you thought that the OP’s half-sister was being delusional when she said that her husband “looks like he remembers her” when she sang their wedding song, it could be that the husband actually remembered something because that is music’s effect on the brain.
Of course, music doesn’t have the same effect on everyone and maybe the OP never felt a deep connection to a memory through music, so she wasn’t aware that her choice of music was hurtful to her half-sister.
Do you think that there is even more to the story than was said in the post? Do you think the OP actually didn’t want to change the song or do you suspect it was on purpose? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
Honestly, I hope someone projectile vomits wine puke on her wedding dress if she doesn't change that song.
Wow. That’s all I could think at first, YTA. You say it’s her ex husband. No girly, that’s her husband through and through and you’re picking on her because you can. Talk about narcissism, I want it, I don’t care if it hurts you because I want it, how could I possibly be the AH? Pfft. I wish you a very horrible divorce.
This is soooo crazy that I'm choosing to believe that this is a troll. I can't imagine anyone being this cold to their step sibling! I wish the step sister and her ex (even though I totally agree it sounds like they only divorced because of stupid American healthcare) have a great life, and that op stays the heck away from them!
Really? You can't imagine someone being this cruel? Not being rude here but you are honestly lucky that life has been kind to you. Thier are so many cruel and heartless people out there that will make you want to give up on humanity. Hope you continue to never meet them
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This reeks like mean girl all over. Somehow it seems OP really hates her stepsister. It's almost feeling as if she's gleeful that this horrible incident ruined her stepsister's life and now she's really trying to rub it in how she will have now what her stepsister lost forever. This is so horrible
YTA! You are a horrible person! There are literally millions of songs. You are pathologically selfish and I hope your fiancee leaves you asap. No one deserves being stuck with you
Im going with NTA here. For the simple facts that hiding the reason she was upset by it , glossing over the fact she agreed but seems upset. And what happened to her husband... NTA. Because no matter how you try and look at it. AH doesn't even begin to cover what this person is. Pure unfiltered human sewage. AH is a compliment at this point.
Op seems to be either lying about her caring about her step sister at all and hates her, she is a spoiled brat who only cares about herself at the cost of any and everyone around her or she's just a psycho with no empathy and if any of those are true she will still play the song so someone should cut the power to the sound system and she has no music at all.
Talk about trying to spin a story to make yourself look like the innocent injured party! Glad OP was called out and made to tell the full story instead of cherry-picking the parts that made her look good. Shame on you, OP.
This song is gonna be bad juju for this girl if she goes forward and plays it at her wedding. Let's just reflect on the fact that many of the guests, especially immediate family are gonna remember this song from the original wedding and will be thinking about that couple and what happened to them, maybe even shedding a tear of heartache. Then they will be crossing their fingers and hoping history doesn't repeat. What kind of emotional tableau is that really bringing to the day? It just reeks of doom.
Why would you even want to knowingly copy someone else's wedding song? Isn't it supposed to be unique, only "your" kind of stuff? It would be a really weird choice even without a car accident story, but with it in mind it's just plain horrible.
Such a cruel, spiteful C@NT move by op! Wtf is wrong with a person who deliberately chooses to inflict such a massive amount of pain on her half or step sister? I have 2 daughters and as their mother would have ABSOLUTELY forbid it or boycotted the wedding myself!
YTA. Sick sick bride who is using her wedding to torture her stepsister
This is one of the cruelest things I've ever heard. Is this woman insane?
That is just not cool to play that song. It is like you are dismissing her and her tragedy. She's going to be at your wedding just thinking about how her husband got in a car wreck and it's just going to be playing and playing and playing in her head. You're not just an a****** but you're a b****
“She goes on about loving him” this girl totally hates her sister
Honestly, just pick another song. It's a simple courteous thing to do. To be honest, this even ending up on the internet, is ridiculous. If I were the half sister, I wouldn't even bother going.
OP has no attachment to the song but clearly has some serious issues with her step sister.This is just plain nasty.Pick another song.
Wow I think this is the first AITA post where I agree 100% that they are in fact an arsehole, and a completely evil self centered human being to boot
There seems to be a fair amount of people commenting on here who have completely missed the point. It must be hard enough for this sister to even go to a wedding period, after everything that has happened. But to actually hear the same exact song that was part of your ill-fated wedding would be devastating emotionally. This poor woman is also essentially in limbo in terms of the grieving process. Her husband isn't dead, but the man she loved is gone. That has to be one of the hardest things for a person to deal with. I honestly don't get why some commenters on here think this is just about a song. It isn't. It's about unresolved trauma that OP is completely oblivious to.
This name is deeply personal and that's why this is the name of my kid. OP uses exact same name for her kid that's born a month later. No special meaning for her, she just likes it. Nothing in the world that will say you can't do that. Nothing but common decency preventing you from actually doing that.
I guess not. And for any Pandas who might not: Full siblings* share the DNA of both parents Half siblings* share the DNA of one parent Step (and foster) share no DNA. * This excludes certain circumstances surrounding adoption.
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I do not believe that OP is TA. Yes that song has a very sentimental value for a very good reason. But who is to say that OP and her fiancé do not love and value the song? And step sister does not own any rights to the song to ask that she change it. I cannot understand why step sister would not be honored that OP and her fiancé chose it as their special song as well.
The OP said they don't have any attachment at all to the song. They both said they just thought it sounded nice.
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Honestly if she divorced him does she really love him? The dude had a brain injury and you divorced him. But say you still love him? That's what really doesn't make sense.
Because divorcing him and leaving him in the care of the state was probably the only way his nursing care bills would be covered.
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YTA for sure, also a cruel selfish a*****e. Step sister should go total NC with you and definitely not attend your wedding. Just be ready when karma bites you on the a*s.
This is the type on bullschnitt that my wife's step-sister would pull tbh.
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How about you DON'T publicize which song you're going to play? In general. Then there's no drama.
If you care about someone you dont do things that you know will hurt them when the cost to you is so small.
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Would you be like,' cool, my brother and his wife like the same song that I got married to but can't dance to anymore with my wife cause she was in a crash and her brain doesn't remember me now. Cool. Cool'. Are you EFFING SERIOUS?
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Is that you, OP? Of course she doesn't own the song but not being able to understand where the sister is coming from is cruel. Sisters are not "somebody". Chose another song and move on. There are literally millions of songs that would not have this emotional family load.
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Planning a wedding can take a lot of time and I think it makes sense two sisters discussed details like this. I disagree with you that step sis is an A. If I was in her position I would feel hurt. It’s not a randomly chosen song to step sis, but I guess you read all of that. So to answer your question, I think it’s common for sisters to talk about details of a wedding while planning it.
Load More Replies... Honestly, I hope someone projectile vomits wine puke on her wedding dress if she doesn't change that song.
Wow. That’s all I could think at first, YTA. You say it’s her ex husband. No girly, that’s her husband through and through and you’re picking on her because you can. Talk about narcissism, I want it, I don’t care if it hurts you because I want it, how could I possibly be the AH? Pfft. I wish you a very horrible divorce.
This is soooo crazy that I'm choosing to believe that this is a troll. I can't imagine anyone being this cold to their step sibling! I wish the step sister and her ex (even though I totally agree it sounds like they only divorced because of stupid American healthcare) have a great life, and that op stays the heck away from them!
Really? You can't imagine someone being this cruel? Not being rude here but you are honestly lucky that life has been kind to you. Thier are so many cruel and heartless people out there that will make you want to give up on humanity. Hope you continue to never meet them
Load More Replies... This reeks like mean girl all over. Somehow it seems OP really hates her stepsister. It's almost feeling as if she's gleeful that this horrible incident ruined her stepsister's life and now she's really trying to rub it in how she will have now what her stepsister lost forever. This is so horrible
YTA! You are a horrible person! There are literally millions of songs. You are pathologically selfish and I hope your fiancee leaves you asap. No one deserves being stuck with you
Im going with NTA here. For the simple facts that hiding the reason she was upset by it , glossing over the fact she agreed but seems upset. And what happened to her husband... NTA. Because no matter how you try and look at it. AH doesn't even begin to cover what this person is. Pure unfiltered human sewage. AH is a compliment at this point.
Op seems to be either lying about her caring about her step sister at all and hates her, she is a spoiled brat who only cares about herself at the cost of any and everyone around her or she's just a psycho with no empathy and if any of those are true she will still play the song so someone should cut the power to the sound system and she has no music at all.
Talk about trying to spin a story to make yourself look like the innocent injured party! Glad OP was called out and made to tell the full story instead of cherry-picking the parts that made her look good. Shame on you, OP.
This song is gonna be bad juju for this girl if she goes forward and plays it at her wedding. Let's just reflect on the fact that many of the guests, especially immediate family are gonna remember this song from the original wedding and will be thinking about that couple and what happened to them, maybe even shedding a tear of heartache. Then they will be crossing their fingers and hoping history doesn't repeat. What kind of emotional tableau is that really bringing to the day? It just reeks of doom.
Why would you even want to knowingly copy someone else's wedding song? Isn't it supposed to be unique, only "your" kind of stuff? It would be a really weird choice even without a car accident story, but with it in mind it's just plain horrible.
Such a cruel, spiteful C@NT move by op! Wtf is wrong with a person who deliberately chooses to inflict such a massive amount of pain on her half or step sister? I have 2 daughters and as their mother would have ABSOLUTELY forbid it or boycotted the wedding myself!
YTA. Sick sick bride who is using her wedding to torture her stepsister
This is one of the cruelest things I've ever heard. Is this woman insane?
That is just not cool to play that song. It is like you are dismissing her and her tragedy. She's going to be at your wedding just thinking about how her husband got in a car wreck and it's just going to be playing and playing and playing in her head. You're not just an a****** but you're a b****
“She goes on about loving him” this girl totally hates her sister
Honestly, just pick another song. It's a simple courteous thing to do. To be honest, this even ending up on the internet, is ridiculous. If I were the half sister, I wouldn't even bother going.
OP has no attachment to the song but clearly has some serious issues with her step sister.This is just plain nasty.Pick another song.
Wow I think this is the first AITA post where I agree 100% that they are in fact an arsehole, and a completely evil self centered human being to boot
There seems to be a fair amount of people commenting on here who have completely missed the point. It must be hard enough for this sister to even go to a wedding period, after everything that has happened. But to actually hear the same exact song that was part of your ill-fated wedding would be devastating emotionally. This poor woman is also essentially in limbo in terms of the grieving process. Her husband isn't dead, but the man she loved is gone. That has to be one of the hardest things for a person to deal with. I honestly don't get why some commenters on here think this is just about a song. It isn't. It's about unresolved trauma that OP is completely oblivious to.
This name is deeply personal and that's why this is the name of my kid. OP uses exact same name for her kid that's born a month later. No special meaning for her, she just likes it. Nothing in the world that will say you can't do that. Nothing but common decency preventing you from actually doing that.
I guess not. And for any Pandas who might not: Full siblings* share the DNA of both parents Half siblings* share the DNA of one parent Step (and foster) share no DNA. * This excludes certain circumstances surrounding adoption.
Load More Replies... I do not believe that OP is TA. Yes that song has a very sentimental value for a very good reason. But who is to say that OP and her fiancé do not love and value the song? And step sister does not own any rights to the song to ask that she change it. I cannot understand why step sister would not be honored that OP and her fiancé chose it as their special song as well.
The OP said they don't have any attachment at all to the song. They both said they just thought it sounded nice.
Load More Replies... Honestly if she divorced him does she really love him? The dude had a brain injury and you divorced him. But say you still love him? That's what really doesn't make sense.
Because divorcing him and leaving him in the care of the state was probably the only way his nursing care bills would be covered.
Load More Replies... YTA for sure, also a cruel selfish a*****e. Step sister should go total NC with you and definitely not attend your wedding. Just be ready when karma bites you on the a*s.
This is the type on bullschnitt that my wife's step-sister would pull tbh.
Load More Replies... How about you DON'T publicize which song you're going to play? In general. Then there's no drama.
If you care about someone you dont do things that you know will hurt them when the cost to you is so small.
Load More Replies... Would you be like,' cool, my brother and his wife like the same song that I got married to but can't dance to anymore with my wife cause she was in a crash and her brain doesn't remember me now. Cool. Cool'. Are you EFFING SERIOUS?
Load More Replies... Is that you, OP? Of course she doesn't own the song but not being able to understand where the sister is coming from is cruel. Sisters are not "somebody". Chose another song and move on. There are literally millions of songs that would not have this emotional family load.
Load More Replies... Planning a wedding can take a lot of time and I think it makes sense two sisters discussed details like this. I disagree with you that step sis is an A. If I was in her position I would feel hurt. It’s not a randomly chosen song to step sis, but I guess you read all of that. So to answer your question, I think it’s common for sisters to talk about details of a wedding while planning it.
Load More Replies...
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