Did you know that according to an article from LA Intelligence, which is a state-licensed private investigation detective agency that has been providing world-class, first-rate, professional investigative services to the Southern California community since 1990, 30-60% of all married individuals will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage?
Sadly, the original poster of today’s article has also been affected by a cheating partner – however, her story is slightly different, and some might even say rather monstrous. The thing is, u/MyMomo20 recently lost her husband, with whom she shares three children, to a car accident. The whole family was under the impression that he was traveling for a work trip, but they later learned that he was headed to visit his lover of 5 years.
For the sake of her kids, the woman was forced to put on a brave front, but she soon ran into trouble when a super-persistent mistress refused to respect their privacy.
More info: Reddit | Dr. Jane Greer | Babita Spinelli
A Japanese novelist, Kenji Miyazawa, once said: “We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey”
Image credits: Dominika Kwiatkowska (not the actual image)
“AITA for not allowing my late husband’s affair partner [to] come to his funeral?” – this netizen turned to one of Reddit’s most judgmental communities, asking its members if it was wrong of her to not let her late husband’s mistress attend his funeral. The post managed to garner nearly 11K upvotes as well as 1.8K comments containing mostly supportive remarks.
Woman ponders if she was wrong to remove her late husband’s mistress from his funeral when she showed up uninvited
Image source: u/MyMomo20
The author of the post started out by mentioning that her spouse had recently died in a car accident halfway across the country.
The man told her that he was going on a work trip, but the family later found out that it was actually a lie, and he instead was headed to see his mistress, with whom he’d been together for at least five years. Needless to say, it’s been a wild ride for the woman. The couple also shares 3 kids, with the eldest one being 19 years old. He’s the only one who knows about the affair, and they’ve agreed to keep it to themselves.
However, the thing is, his so-called partner really wanted to be involved. The post’s creator was pretty against it and told her multiple times that it would not be possible, as having her there would only cause problems. But it seems like this didn’t stop her, as she ended up going to the man’s funeral. The author’s brother managed to remove her without causing too big of a scene — however, she later texted the author calling her selfish for not letting her say her goodbyes.
The woman pondered about the situation and it began to slightly bother her; she still believes that she did the right thing, but she wanted to get some unbiased opinions.
The OP’s husband had recently died in a car accident across the country, and it was discovered that he was not traveling for business but rather to see his mistress
Image source: u/MyMomo20
To get some feedback on the situation, Bored Panda decided to reach out to a couple of experts. Our first professional is Dr. Jane Greer, a Marriage and Family Therapist, Psychotherapist, Sex Therapist, Author, Radio Host, and creator of the popular celebrity sex & relationship commentary, “SHRINK WRAP.”
The first question that we posed to Dr. Jane Greer was how to cope with being cheated on, to which she said: “You must deal directly with your partner to determine if they are remorseful and apologetic, and if they are invested in rebuilding your trust and repairing the damage that was done, or if their cheating was an indication they want to end the partnership.”
We then inquired as to whether she believed that the post’s author had made the right decision: “Absolutely. As devastating as this had to be for her, she kept her priority on her children’s wellbeing. Because of the infidelity, the presence of this woman could be damaging to her children’s emotional health, and she was right to want the woman to say her goodbyes privately, not with the family as she is not a member of it.”
The lover really wanted to be involved – however, the author of the post was against it and told her multiple times that it wouldn’t be possible
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual image)
Image source: u/MyMomo20
“It is possible to learn to trust after betrayal. Betrayal doesn’t mean a partnership is necessarily over if both parties work through getting through the pain and hurt to restore trust. [It] involves heavy lifting, time, energy, and a dedication to getting through it. The betrayer must be committed to rebuilding trust and understanding the anger and pain they caused. Therapy is very helpful,” Dr. Jane Greer said when we asked her if there was anything she’d like to say to those who might be going through a similar thing.
“In my book, ‘How Could You Do This To Me, Learning to Trust After Betrayal,’ I teach readers how to move on after infidelity, and how to trust someone based upon their words and actions, and more importantly, how to trust their own judgment, so they can feel safe moving forward in their current partnership, or pursue a new one.”
She chose to ignore the woman’s feelings and still showed up at the funeral, but the OP’s brother was able to remove her without causing too big of a scene
Image source: u/MyMomo20
BP also got through to Babita Spinelli, a licensed psychotherapist/psychoanalyst, mental health consultant, and relationship expert, and we asked her to give her take on how to deal with infidelity:
“– Acknowledgment of all of your emotions is an important part of coping. Don’t dismiss or minimize that you may feel angry, sad, overwhelmed, betrayed, disappointed or shocked; [these] are normal feelings. It may be painful in the present, but remind yourself it will not always feel this way.
– Being cheated on is not your fault. Self-blame impacts our self-worth and ability to move forward. Take care of yourself. Prioritize your self-care and be more intentional about what brings you joy and comfort.
– Surround yourself with your village – the people you trust and can provide you with support. Give yourself permission to heal at your own pace.
– Plan future goals, outings and activities so you have things you are looking forward to participating in, things that will keep you connected and engaged with others.
– Seek therapy to help you process what happened and its impact on you. Cheating can be traumatic and impact how we feel about ourselves and create fears about relationships.”
Later that day, the mistress sent a text to the post’s creator accusing her of being selfish and of “robbing” her of the chance to say goodbye properly
Image source: u/MyMomo20
Image credits: Arina Krasnikova (not the actual image)
Last but not least, Babita Spinelli said: “Discovering your partner cheated on you can bring a form of psychological and emotional trauma, especially in a long-term relationship when you are and have been invested in the relationship and believe in your partner. Responses when discovering such a betrayal can elicit reactions that may seem excessive to others, but very normal in the context of the betrayal of trust and rupture of relationship safety. Cheating is about the rupture and betrayal of relationship trust and can take some time to heal. Give yourself patience and compassion and do not discount the importance of seeking support to process your feelings and apply healthy coping mechanisms.”
What do you think about the situation? Do you believe that the author was right to remove her late husband’s mistress from his funeral?
Fellow online community members shared their thoughts and opinions on the situation
Everyone’s dumping on the side piece, but let’s not forget the cheating husband here. Seems like the two of them deserved each other. However, the funeral service was just for family and friends—-though not the kind of “friend” she was. She can mourn, but on her own time, and leave the family alone. Their husband/father was a real s**t, and the fact that he died going on a booty call just makes it worse on them. Her showing up and trying to butt in only makes it worse. The family doesn’t want the world to find out about the affair, so prefer to keep that fact private, and the mistress showing up to the funeral could make it public, and very humiliating for them. Again, her lack of class and propriety just goes to show that she and the cheating husband deserved each other. She can have her own memorial service, if she wants people she knows to find out she was sleeping with a married man.
He's dead. He died while cheating. Pretty sure it isn't forgotten. It isn't just about humiliation. The oldest and the wife have to deal with the fact he would still be there with his family had he not cheated. Why would they want the other children and family members to deal with that kind of anger? Maybe they don't want that to be all he is remembered for...
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The purpose of a funeral is to honor the dead. The problem here is that the dead deserved honor from no one. So in a sense he's the one who should have been excluded from the funeral. (But memo to girlfriends of dead philanderers: If you didn't show yourself beforehand, you don't do it afterwards)
Everyone’s dumping on the side piece, but let’s not forget the cheating husband here. Seems like the two of them deserved each other. However, the funeral service was just for family and friends—-though not the kind of “friend” she was. She can mourn, but on her own time, and leave the family alone. Their husband/father was a real s**t, and the fact that he died going on a booty call just makes it worse on them. Her showing up and trying to butt in only makes it worse. The family doesn’t want the world to find out about the affair, so prefer to keep that fact private, and the mistress showing up to the funeral could make it public, and very humiliating for them. Again, her lack of class and propriety just goes to show that she and the cheating husband deserved each other. She can have her own memorial service, if she wants people she knows to find out she was sleeping with a married man.
He's dead. He died while cheating. Pretty sure it isn't forgotten. It isn't just about humiliation. The oldest and the wife have to deal with the fact he would still be there with his family had he not cheated. Why would they want the other children and family members to deal with that kind of anger? Maybe they don't want that to be all he is remembered for...
Load More Replies... The purpose of a funeral is to honor the dead. The problem here is that the dead deserved honor from no one. So in a sense he's the one who should have been excluded from the funeral. (But memo to girlfriends of dead philanderers: If you didn't show yourself beforehand, you don't do it afterwards)
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