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‘Empty Nest’ Couple Gets Called Jerks For Not Allowing Friend’s Kids Over As They Consider Their House Not Safe For Children
Small children get in trouble all the time, so to minimize the risk, parents must prevent any dangerous situation they can think of from happening, especially in their homes, as it should be a safe space to be in. It means keeping the knives where the children can’t reach them, storing chemicals you clean the house with in a place they wouldn’t think of searching for, covering sockets, etc. It is additional stress and work, but it has to be done.
How freeing it should feel when your children are grown up and you can finally create a living space without worrying about these precautions. A woman on Reddit seems to be happy having raised her children and getting an opportunity to live with her husband in what they they consider to be a dream house; however, it is not child-safe whatsoever. That is why she doesn’t allow her friends to bring their children to her house, which causes tension in the friend group, so she started wondering if she was being too uptight.
More info: Reddit
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Couple went all out on their house because they didn’t need to deprive themselves of things they like but would be dangerous for kids
Image credits: Travel4Brews (not the actual image)
The Original Poster (OP) who picked the name ThereRcatseveywhere on Reddit describes herself and her husband living without kids as “a grand experience.” The cool part about it is that the couple didn’t need to think about what is safe and not safe for kids to be around with when setting up their new home.
Their house has a small bar in their game room and a pool. Their rooms are decorated with expensive artwork and they have a dog that wasn’t trained to be a family dog, but more of a working dog.
Some people misunderstood what bitesport meant and it’s nothing illegal. It’s a dog sport that tests dogs’ tracking, obedience, and protection skills and was originally meant for the German protection breeds such as Boxers, Dobermanns, Riesenschnauzers, and Rottweilers. Now the sport is dominated by German Shepherds and the Belgian Malinois, all of which are quite big.
That’s why all their friend gatherings at their house are adult only, but one friend keeps asking to bring her kids over as she struggles to find a sitter
Image credits: u/ThereRcatseveywhere
Not only that, the couple has firearms at their house and a magnetic knife bar full of sharpened tools. All of these features make the house not very safe for children, but the couple has nothing to worry about for the most part because they only host adult parties and they trust their friends to be safe.
However, some of their friends are still raising their children and one of them keeps insisting on bringing her three kids over to the OP’s house. They are aged 6, 8 and 13 and the OP gets along with them well.
She doesn’t mind coming over to the friend’s house when the children are home or when she brings them to other friends’ homes when they are hosting their get-togethers. She doesn’t dislike kids and even watched them for the friend at her place. The only concern the OP has is the children’s safety.
The owners are concerned about the children’s safety because they have a pool, keep firearms and a knife collection at their house so they refuse to allow them
Image credits: u/ThereRcatseveywhere
The mom tried to convince the OP that the oldest of them could look after the younger ones, but the homeowner isn’t convinced. She knows that if something were to happen to the children or they were to break something, it would put a strain on her and the mom’s friendship.
She knows the 13-year-old and doesn’t think he is mature enough to be in charge of two little kids who, the OP admits, can be a handful for even an adult. And as people in the comments pointed out, if the mom thinks that the teen can take care of the little ones, why can’t he do that at his own home?
They are only concerned about the kids’ safety and the safety of their expensive things as any incident could cause tension in the friendship
Image credits: Nacho Facello (not the actual image)
Also, the woman revealed that her neighbor had 3-year-old twins come to visit and one of them ended up in a pool. As a result, one of them has severe brain damage and the pool is one of the homeowner’s biggest safety concerns if she ever has children over.
It’s a valid concern because according to the CDC, “More children ages 1–4 die from drowning than any other cause of death except birth defects” and “For children ages 1–14, drowning is the second leading cause of unintentional injury death after motor vehicle crashes.”
And if the incident doesn’t result in a child’s death, they can still face serious consequences: “For every child who dies from drowning, another eight receive emergency department care for non-fatal drowning.”
Image credits: u/ThereRcatseverywhere
The OP does understand that it can be hard to find a sitter and that is why she asks the internet if she should just trust her friend’s kids and allow the mom to take them with her because the Redditor feels she’s excluding her friend who struggles to find a sitter and can’t participate in the gatherings.
People in the comments brought up a simple saying parents often use against their children: “my house, my rules.” If the OP feels stressed about having children in her home, she shouldn’t feel bad for not allowing them around, especially because it’s for their own safety. Furthermore, she can’t forget the incident at the neighbor’s place and the other friends are kind of mean, calling her paranoid.
And although they already did their fair share of raising kids, the couple doesn’t mind them when they are present at other friends’ homes
Image credits: u/ThereRcatseverywhere
However, they are made to feel bad for excluding the mom as she can’t come to the gatherings and are called paranoid
Image credits: Kumat Gauraw (not the actual image)
What do you think of the couple’s decision to not allow kids in their home? Do you think they shouldn’t be as paranoid or do you think the friends are not very responsible parents for not recognizing the dangers? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
People in the comments don’t see a problem because a home is a sacred place where the owner can dictate the rules
What do you think ?
Roddfergg 3 years ago
I've raised 2 kids, I now have 3 grandkids, and I have 2 very large dogs. One thing that has always pissed me off is people that insist on bringing their kids and dogs places that aren't appropriate, or invited. Not everyone wants to deal with your kids, or pets, for whatever reason. If you don't like it don't go, but it isn't their problem.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
The idea that people who don't enjoy being around kids are "mean" needs to go away. Not all of us have the temperment for kids. Not all of us like the noise, the smells, the chaos. I avoid children regularly because I don't like being around kids and kid culture and kid noise. What would be "mean" is having them or being around them, and then treating them badly, or being abusive. Not everyone likes or wants kids, and that doesn't make us lesser, or you better.
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deanna woods 3 years ago
I don't get why people think that they are allowed to take their children wherever they want even when told not to. I collect shot glasses and I wouldn't want someone to bring their child into my house and break one of them. I am not concerned about the shot glasses, I am concerned about the person's child cutting themselves on broken glass. If someone tells you not to bring your children to their house, then don't bring your children to their house. It is not a hard concept. If you can't come over unless you bring your kids, then I guess you will miss out.
Gail Lynn 3 years ago (edited)
EXACTLY!! My dad's mother was one of those "kids should be seen, but NEVER HEARD" types. At times I knew she didn't want to see us kids either, there is 7 of us kids. She thought we were always filty...what did she expect??!!! We were on a ranch, living miles from any neighbor kids, so we had to play together. 2 of my brothers are 2 & 4 years older than I, so we were thick as thieves. So I'm a tomboy to the core. That's not how sweet little girls act, according to his mother. We & Mom were a burden on her sweet, handson son. If we had dinner with her, as soon as finished it was put your dishes next to the sink & go away. But NO TV if we were at our ranch. Her home? Banished to the very back bedroom, except for bathroom & such, lockdown. *yeah, when I was 16, I told her off* Daddy loved all his kids/grands/greats. He said it with his eyes, they'd just sparkle. And when my sisters would his heart, his eyes showed that, too.
Load More Replies...
StrangeOne 3 years ago
I don't blame them. Apart from safety, having kids around is a lot of adults getting up to periodically check on them, deal with their tantrums and fighting that everyone else hears and it's inevitable someone's leaving early because their little one is getting tired/hungry/bored/grumpy. I have a child and remember going to other parents houses to hang out. That was still a hazard. One visit led to taking our daughter to the hospital for stitches on her hand after the kids broke a piggy bank. Now that my daughter is an adult, I have no thought to child proof my home and have not had any small kids over in a many years. My 2 year old second cousin I would like to have over but he's a handful and loud. I live in a top floor apartment, with toxic oil paint supplies and cleaning products in easy reach of a child, and lots of breakable, small trinkets. It's just not a good situation for kids and I'm not going to fret over it.
Evolutionism requires FAITH 3 years ago
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
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B-b-bird 3 years ago
By agreeing (even if only one time) to bringing her children, you will create a precedent where other your friends will tell "oh, but her children visited, why my cannot come next time". You do you, other "protesting" friends will calm down soon and come back. Keep sending those invitations to "childfree nights" and they will join ultimately. Even if not - it's their loss. Many parents are secretly grateful for these nights, because they can relax without watching over the shoulder every 2 minutes.
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
There's a huge difference between a house that's been made safe for children and one that hasn't. My niece and nephew haven't even been to my house because it's not kid-safe and it would take more work than I have energy for to make it safe. We visit at their house.
Catlover129 3 years ago
My kids are grown and gone. We had a cocktail party a few years ago and I sent out beautifully personalized invitations that explicitly said "no children allowed; please arrange for sitters - if you cannot find the proper child care perhaps we can get together at another time". I added this because I knew some of the invitees did have young ones. Our guests begin arriving and suddenly I see a couple holding an infant. I was shocked. Not to mention the baby was screaming. I asked why they brought the baby and of course the answer was, "we can't afford a babysitter". I said "I'm sorry but the baby is really distracting the guests and it's unnerving". I barely knew this couple, they worked for my husband. The woman didn't seem phased at all and followed me to the kitchen, opened my fridge, and asked me to heat up some milk because she forgot her diaper bag!!! Seriously?
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
They ALWAYS make YOU be the a*****e, too. My godmother's husband got all pearl-clutchy offended when he showed up with their two granddaughters under 5 for mine and George's wedding. "Weddings are a FAMILY EVENT! I won't be at an event where MY GRANDDAUGHTERS are not welcome!" So of COURSE even though the invites said "no children, no exceptions," the a*****e got his way, because he would have made me out to be a b***h and bridezilla otherwise. Today, I would've told him to get bent and made sure there was security to kick him out. Actually, today, I wouldn't invite my family to a wedding, but I digress. We need to practice scripts for situations like this, and repeat them. "I'm sorry, we can't accommodate kids. No, I'm sorry, that's why we said no kids. Okay, we'll see you next time! No, we don't have resources for kids. (Yes, my mental aversion is included in "resources.")
Load More Replies...
Izzy Curer 3 years ago (edited)
Honestly, it shouldn't even matter why it makes her uncomfortable. It's her house. She's the one who has to live in it, and it's her sanctuary from the world. Nobody gets to tell you what to do in your own house, and you don't need to explain yourself. God, if that's how someone is going to be, BE an a*****e. Your home is your right, and yours to defend however you want. NTA
Nizumi 3 years ago
OP mentions that other friends also have children, and don't bring them over, so what's the problem with this one "friend"? She wants to be special and she's creating divisions between friends. I can guarantee you, she's complaining to other people behind OP's back and playing the victim. That's the only explanation for some of the other friends starting to say OP is being unfair and turning down her invitations. That "friendship" is already on the rocks and it's entirely because the the "friend", not the OP.
Jennifer Lee 3 years ago (edited)
OP is familiar with the children and says the 8-year-old is a "handful". She is totally justified in not wanting a known brat in her home. I once babysat a child that age and he pulled a gun on me, then shot a hole in the ceiling to prove it was real! Her fears are entirely warranted. I hope she shares stories about this kid with the other parents. Maybe they'll be more understanding...
Load More Replies...
Roddfergg 3 years ago
I've raised 2 kids, I now have 3 grandkids, and I have 2 very large dogs. One thing that has always pissed me off is people that insist on bringing their kids and dogs places that aren't appropriate, or invited. Not everyone wants to deal with your kids, or pets, for whatever reason. If you don't like it don't go, but it isn't their problem.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
The idea that people who don't enjoy being around kids are "mean" needs to go away. Not all of us have the temperment for kids. Not all of us like the noise, the smells, the chaos. I avoid children regularly because I don't like being around kids and kid culture and kid noise. What would be "mean" is having them or being around them, and then treating them badly, or being abusive. Not everyone likes or wants kids, and that doesn't make us lesser, or you better.
Load More Replies... deanna woods 3 years ago
I don't get why people think that they are allowed to take their children wherever they want even when told not to. I collect shot glasses and I wouldn't want someone to bring their child into my house and break one of them. I am not concerned about the shot glasses, I am concerned about the person's child cutting themselves on broken glass. If someone tells you not to bring your children to their house, then don't bring your children to their house. It is not a hard concept. If you can't come over unless you bring your kids, then I guess you will miss out.
Gail Lynn 3 years ago (edited)
EXACTLY!! My dad's mother was one of those "kids should be seen, but NEVER HEARD" types. At times I knew she didn't want to see us kids either, there is 7 of us kids. She thought we were always filty...what did she expect??!!! We were on a ranch, living miles from any neighbor kids, so we had to play together. 2 of my brothers are 2 & 4 years older than I, so we were thick as thieves. So I'm a tomboy to the core. That's not how sweet little girls act, according to his mother. We & Mom were a burden on her sweet, handson son. If we had dinner with her, as soon as finished it was put your dishes next to the sink & go away. But NO TV if we were at our ranch. Her home? Banished to the very back bedroom, except for bathroom & such, lockdown. *yeah, when I was 16, I told her off* Daddy loved all his kids/grands/greats. He said it with his eyes, they'd just sparkle. And when my sisters would his heart, his eyes showed that, too.
Load More Replies... StrangeOne 3 years ago
I don't blame them. Apart from safety, having kids around is a lot of adults getting up to periodically check on them, deal with their tantrums and fighting that everyone else hears and it's inevitable someone's leaving early because their little one is getting tired/hungry/bored/grumpy. I have a child and remember going to other parents houses to hang out. That was still a hazard. One visit led to taking our daughter to the hospital for stitches on her hand after the kids broke a piggy bank. Now that my daughter is an adult, I have no thought to child proof my home and have not had any small kids over in a many years. My 2 year old second cousin I would like to have over but he's a handful and loud. I live in a top floor apartment, with toxic oil paint supplies and cleaning products in easy reach of a child, and lots of breakable, small trinkets. It's just not a good situation for kids and I'm not going to fret over it.
Evolutionism requires FAITH 3 years ago
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Load More Replies... B-b-bird 3 years ago
By agreeing (even if only one time) to bringing her children, you will create a precedent where other your friends will tell "oh, but her children visited, why my cannot come next time". You do you, other "protesting" friends will calm down soon and come back. Keep sending those invitations to "childfree nights" and they will join ultimately. Even if not - it's their loss. Many parents are secretly grateful for these nights, because they can relax without watching over the shoulder every 2 minutes.
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
There's a huge difference between a house that's been made safe for children and one that hasn't. My niece and nephew haven't even been to my house because it's not kid-safe and it would take more work than I have energy for to make it safe. We visit at their house.
Catlover129 3 years ago
My kids are grown and gone. We had a cocktail party a few years ago and I sent out beautifully personalized invitations that explicitly said "no children allowed; please arrange for sitters - if you cannot find the proper child care perhaps we can get together at another time". I added this because I knew some of the invitees did have young ones. Our guests begin arriving and suddenly I see a couple holding an infant. I was shocked. Not to mention the baby was screaming. I asked why they brought the baby and of course the answer was, "we can't afford a babysitter". I said "I'm sorry but the baby is really distracting the guests and it's unnerving". I barely knew this couple, they worked for my husband. The woman didn't seem phased at all and followed me to the kitchen, opened my fridge, and asked me to heat up some milk because she forgot her diaper bag!!! Seriously?
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
They ALWAYS make YOU be the a*****e, too. My godmother's husband got all pearl-clutchy offended when he showed up with their two granddaughters under 5 for mine and George's wedding. "Weddings are a FAMILY EVENT! I won't be at an event where MY GRANDDAUGHTERS are not welcome!" So of COURSE even though the invites said "no children, no exceptions," the a*****e got his way, because he would have made me out to be a b***h and bridezilla otherwise. Today, I would've told him to get bent and made sure there was security to kick him out. Actually, today, I wouldn't invite my family to a wedding, but I digress. We need to practice scripts for situations like this, and repeat them. "I'm sorry, we can't accommodate kids. No, I'm sorry, that's why we said no kids. Okay, we'll see you next time! No, we don't have resources for kids. (Yes, my mental aversion is included in "resources.")
Load More Replies... Izzy Curer 3 years ago (edited)
Honestly, it shouldn't even matter why it makes her uncomfortable. It's her house. She's the one who has to live in it, and it's her sanctuary from the world. Nobody gets to tell you what to do in your own house, and you don't need to explain yourself. God, if that's how someone is going to be, BE an a*****e. Your home is your right, and yours to defend however you want. NTA
Nizumi 3 years ago
OP mentions that other friends also have children, and don't bring them over, so what's the problem with this one "friend"? She wants to be special and she's creating divisions between friends. I can guarantee you, she's complaining to other people behind OP's back and playing the victim. That's the only explanation for some of the other friends starting to say OP is being unfair and turning down her invitations. That "friendship" is already on the rocks and it's entirely because the the "friend", not the OP.
Jennifer Lee 3 years ago (edited)
OP is familiar with the children and says the 8-year-old is a "handful". She is totally justified in not wanting a known brat in her home. I once babysat a child that age and he pulled a gun on me, then shot a hole in the ceiling to prove it was real! Her fears are entirely warranted. I hope she shares stories about this kid with the other parents. Maybe they'll be more understanding...
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