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Non-Binary Person Teaches This Hateful Parent Tolerance And Their Text Exchange Goes Viral
Rain Dove, a non-binary model, has a unique policy of responding with kindness to the people who message them on Instagram, even if some of the messages initially lack it.
The model’s answer to “are you a man or a woman” is “I am I.” They respond to crude and even violent messages by asking how someone’s day is going, give compliments even in response to insults, and use humor and absurdity to deflect uncomfortable questions. And it might sound a little new-agey, but sometimes Dove finds that responding to someone with compassion and interest is enough to make them re-examine their initial judgemental reactions.
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Image credits: Rain Dove
This time, the message was from a parent who was angry and confused that their child had asked for a binder, an article of clothing used to flatten one’s chest. Dove stayed calm, prompted the parent about their reasons for feeling that way, and managed to turn it into a teaching moment by appealing to concern for the child’s well-being.
Image credits: Rain Dove
Image credits: Rain Dove
Image credits: Rain Dove
Image credits: Rain Dove
Image credits: Rain Dove
Image credits: Rain Dove
Image credits: Rain Dove
Image credits: Rain Dove
Image credits: Rain Dove
Image credits: Rain Dove
Image credits: Rain Dove
Image credits: Rain Dove
Image credits: Rain Dove
Dove makes a strong point that binding with whatever materials you can get your hands on instead of a professionally made article of clothing is dangerous, and suffering alone with mental health issues that you feel like you can’t tell your parents about is also dangerous. When you want your child to feel like they can tell you everything, providing them with an environment where they feel like they can safely explore their identity and go to you for help is crucial.
Image credits: Rain Dove
Commenters are inspired by Dove’s approach of being relentlessly kind to the people who message them, trying to get to the bottom of their concerns and find a human side. Not everyone can do what Dove does, and it’s undoubtedly not easy—some of their posts and stories show that not everyone is moved by the tactic. It’s understandable not to want to respond to someone who is sending you angry accusations or calling you names online, and you shouldn’t feel obligated to.
But, amazingly, Dove’s posts show that sometimes anger can be hiding worry about something deeper, and a little bit of compassion can encourage people to see things in a different way.
What do you think ?
Data1001 6 years ago (edited)
Whatever your feelings about this particular story, I have such respect for people who are able to respond to vitriol and anger with compassion. I fear my response in such situations would be a knee-jerk defensive response, but I've seen several first-hand moments where fear and anger was diffused merely by the simple act of kindness and really listening to what the other person was going through, without making judgments.
Aidyn06 6 years ago
@lag why do you have to get in to this??? I'm thirteen and my whole life, I've hated who I am. Because I wasn't born in the right body. People like you are what makes life so painful for me. We don't try to make other people trans. But if someone is trans, we encourage them to be themselves. Your "if I don't comment, they will win" comment is bs. There is no war to win. Just the battle that homophobes force us into. This article was about acceptance and love and being yourself. But you turned it into a reason to try and "win". Let me give you some advice, hun, there's nothing to win, but even if there were, we sure would win because of imbeciles like you thinking they know everything opposed to smart, rational, caring people is hardly even fair. So, why don't you crawl back into your little hole and go preach to a wall. I'll bet that wall gives a hundred more sh*ts then I do. Than anyone does. You need to stop trying to change the lifestyles of people you've never met. -Aidyn
Pseudo Puppy 6 years ago
Aidyn, lag is what seems to be a new troll within this normally "live and let live" peaceful bunch of boredpandas Your eloquence, intelligence, insightfulness, and self-awareness is something to be admired - it shows a wonderful character. Please now that the *majority* of us, are totally ok with the life you want to live, because quite frankly, it's *your* life. Just as we don't want someone to dictate to us how we should live, we don't want to dictate to others. I hope you're surrounded by people who both respect and support you in your life journey. If not, please know that you have a tribe of us in here, from all around the world, that wish you only good things.
Load More Replies...
Emily Joyce-Dial 6 years ago
Rain’s patience and compassion are incredible. This is so lovely and inspiring. ❤️
Stevie B 6 years ago
It's wonderful that Rain took the time to talk with the parent, calmly, especially with an emphasis on keeping the dialog open. Since parent didn't provide a reason child asked for a binder, there could be many reasons. Is could be as simple as developing earlier then peers, and wanting to fit it. Loving one's body as it is constantly changing, especially if others have not yet started such changes, is difficult, to say the least. Providing a safe place for child to communicate such feelings & ideas is paramount.
Monica Michelle 6 years ago
Thank you do much for posting this.i tend to default to snark when attacked. I will work on being better
Lilah Grogan 6 years ago
@lag I am a friend of Aidyn's. While I respect your opinion, I do think you should limit how much you share it. What I mean by that is please don't push it. People have the right to be whatever they would like to be, and I really think you should at least try to respect that. By the way: I completely disagree with you, and I hope you know that your responses to Aidyn and other people's comments were really quite childish. I doubt you have a Bachelor's Degree, and I doubt you speak three foreign languages. I would advise you to leave us alone. Thank you.
Aidyn06 6 years ago
I'm about to give up on you lag. I can only thank God you aren't my mother. By the way, I am a freshman and you misspelled my name, Miss Bachelor 's Degree. Maybe instead of being whorish to teenagers, you should go do something with your life. And may I ask what languages you speak? Anyways, I don't even have a phone. I am using a computer. I can only thank God that I am not the child of a miserable witch like you. Oh wow! It appears I have offended you! I shall do a thing so mature, that your mind can't even comprehend it! Instead of denying that I offended you, I will apologize! I'm sorry I offended you. But I do not take back anything I said. I have also noticed that you continuously forget to add spaces after punctuation, Miss Bachelor's Degree. Now, before you call me out for my mistakes, you must remember: I am but a "little kid" whom you can't take seriously. I think I'm done with you. I have a life to get back to.
Aidyn06 6 years ago
Annie, please don't tell me what to do. Maybe instead of telling me to stop getting into fights with adults, you should tell adults to stop fighting with a minor. I was not the one who threatened someone. I, in fact, was told to watch my back and that I'd be sorry. Threatening a minor, in fact, is illegal. Would you like me to send a link on that?
Load More Replies...
Aidyn06 6 years ago
I just want to say thank you to everyone who has been so supportive of me. It means the world to me. And trolls, as I mentioned before, go talk to a wall. It gives a million more sh*ts than I do. I'm gonna do everything I can to change the world.
Staci Bettencourt 6 years ago
It’s crazy how smart you are Aidyn. Seriously mature wow! I’m a mom of a 10 year old and a 7 year old. I am blown away by how grown up you sound. God bless you sweet youngster. You need to pursue writing.
Load More Replies...
Leo Domitrix 6 years ago
Body issues don't mean you want to be trans or whatever. You can just be really awkward about these things, as my late sister was, when her chest ougrew the rest of her for a few years. Something like bindings would have been a blessing to her --- but instead, she was teased, leered at, etc., and it was *awful*.
Kathy Baylis 6 years ago (edited)
I was 12 when it happened for me. I’m 59 now and remember it all very clearly. Boys that age have voices that aren’t at all discreet. Believe me, I heard every rude comment and they all hurt. Fast forward to adulthood, and dating men who I swear never knew what color my eyes are—-and dumping them once I realized it. It took years for me to be comfortable in my own skin. If I could’ve used a binder back then, I could’ve avoided a lot of misery.
Load More Replies...
rean addy 6 years ago
i am a 49 year old male with 5 daughter adn my best mate of 33 years is pansexual, i love them all to bits, i pride myself on trying to do the right thing for them, i was tearing up reading this, this is what love and understanding is all about and listening too, bravo to Raindovemodel and the mother, communication is the key.
Bubble***tea 3 6 years ago
Iv got a question. What do ur kids call them? Iv always wondered. Also I am a pansexual myself!
Load More Replies...
Data1001 6 years ago (edited)
Whatever your feelings about this particular story, I have such respect for people who are able to respond to vitriol and anger with compassion. I fear my response in such situations would be a knee-jerk defensive response, but I've seen several first-hand moments where fear and anger was diffused merely by the simple act of kindness and really listening to what the other person was going through, without making judgments.
Aidyn06 6 years ago
@lag why do you have to get in to this??? I'm thirteen and my whole life, I've hated who I am. Because I wasn't born in the right body. People like you are what makes life so painful for me. We don't try to make other people trans. But if someone is trans, we encourage them to be themselves. Your "if I don't comment, they will win" comment is bs. There is no war to win. Just the battle that homophobes force us into. This article was about acceptance and love and being yourself. But you turned it into a reason to try and "win". Let me give you some advice, hun, there's nothing to win, but even if there were, we sure would win because of imbeciles like you thinking they know everything opposed to smart, rational, caring people is hardly even fair. So, why don't you crawl back into your little hole and go preach to a wall. I'll bet that wall gives a hundred more sh*ts then I do. Than anyone does. You need to stop trying to change the lifestyles of people you've never met. -Aidyn
Pseudo Puppy 6 years ago
Aidyn, lag is what seems to be a new troll within this normally "live and let live" peaceful bunch of boredpandas Your eloquence, intelligence, insightfulness, and self-awareness is something to be admired - it shows a wonderful character. Please now that the *majority* of us, are totally ok with the life you want to live, because quite frankly, it's *your* life. Just as we don't want someone to dictate to us how we should live, we don't want to dictate to others. I hope you're surrounded by people who both respect and support you in your life journey. If not, please know that you have a tribe of us in here, from all around the world, that wish you only good things.
Load More Replies... Emily Joyce-Dial 6 years ago
Rain’s patience and compassion are incredible. This is so lovely and inspiring. ❤️
Stevie B 6 years ago
It's wonderful that Rain took the time to talk with the parent, calmly, especially with an emphasis on keeping the dialog open. Since parent didn't provide a reason child asked for a binder, there could be many reasons. Is could be as simple as developing earlier then peers, and wanting to fit it. Loving one's body as it is constantly changing, especially if others have not yet started such changes, is difficult, to say the least. Providing a safe place for child to communicate such feelings & ideas is paramount.
Monica Michelle 6 years ago
Thank you do much for posting this.i tend to default to snark when attacked. I will work on being better
Lilah Grogan 6 years ago
@lag I am a friend of Aidyn's. While I respect your opinion, I do think you should limit how much you share it. What I mean by that is please don't push it. People have the right to be whatever they would like to be, and I really think you should at least try to respect that. By the way: I completely disagree with you, and I hope you know that your responses to Aidyn and other people's comments were really quite childish. I doubt you have a Bachelor's Degree, and I doubt you speak three foreign languages. I would advise you to leave us alone. Thank you.
Aidyn06 6 years ago
I'm about to give up on you lag. I can only thank God you aren't my mother. By the way, I am a freshman and you misspelled my name, Miss Bachelor 's Degree. Maybe instead of being whorish to teenagers, you should go do something with your life. And may I ask what languages you speak? Anyways, I don't even have a phone. I am using a computer. I can only thank God that I am not the child of a miserable witch like you. Oh wow! It appears I have offended you! I shall do a thing so mature, that your mind can't even comprehend it! Instead of denying that I offended you, I will apologize! I'm sorry I offended you. But I do not take back anything I said. I have also noticed that you continuously forget to add spaces after punctuation, Miss Bachelor's Degree. Now, before you call me out for my mistakes, you must remember: I am but a "little kid" whom you can't take seriously. I think I'm done with you. I have a life to get back to.
Aidyn06 6 years ago
Annie, please don't tell me what to do. Maybe instead of telling me to stop getting into fights with adults, you should tell adults to stop fighting with a minor. I was not the one who threatened someone. I, in fact, was told to watch my back and that I'd be sorry. Threatening a minor, in fact, is illegal. Would you like me to send a link on that?
Load More Replies... Aidyn06 6 years ago
I just want to say thank you to everyone who has been so supportive of me. It means the world to me. And trolls, as I mentioned before, go talk to a wall. It gives a million more sh*ts than I do. I'm gonna do everything I can to change the world.
Staci Bettencourt 6 years ago
It’s crazy how smart you are Aidyn. Seriously mature wow! I’m a mom of a 10 year old and a 7 year old. I am blown away by how grown up you sound. God bless you sweet youngster. You need to pursue writing.
Load More Replies... Leo Domitrix 6 years ago
Body issues don't mean you want to be trans or whatever. You can just be really awkward about these things, as my late sister was, when her chest ougrew the rest of her for a few years. Something like bindings would have been a blessing to her --- but instead, she was teased, leered at, etc., and it was *awful*.
Kathy Baylis 6 years ago (edited)
I was 12 when it happened for me. I’m 59 now and remember it all very clearly. Boys that age have voices that aren’t at all discreet. Believe me, I heard every rude comment and they all hurt. Fast forward to adulthood, and dating men who I swear never knew what color my eyes are—-and dumping them once I realized it. It took years for me to be comfortable in my own skin. If I could’ve used a binder back then, I could’ve avoided a lot of misery.
Load More Replies... rean addy 6 years ago
i am a 49 year old male with 5 daughter adn my best mate of 33 years is pansexual, i love them all to bits, i pride myself on trying to do the right thing for them, i was tearing up reading this, this is what love and understanding is all about and listening too, bravo to Raindovemodel and the mother, communication is the key.
Bubble***tea 3 6 years ago
Iv got a question. What do ur kids call them? Iv always wondered. Also I am a pansexual myself!
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